Magic Sucks [Now with 500% more Witch-Punching]

[Card Captor]

<Snipped quote by Card Captor>
I'm about to give you a grim reminder of your place.

@Sagittarius

JUST WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK I AM!?

[Fish of Oblivion]

All of this wonderful JoJo in the thread

This is gonna be great

[HereComesTheSnow]

@Tatsua Aiisen

I cease and desist, and bare my neck to await your blade, mistress.

Punish me~

@SillyGoy

I admire your resolve.

Shine on, you crazy diamond.

Also the game seems neat

[Card Captor]

@HereComesTheSnow

I see what you did there

[HereComesTheSnow]

@Card Captor

I only did after you did

damn im good

[Krayzikk]

This seems as though it might be interesting.

[TheSoundTheory]

I'd like to join to if that's alright :)

[Tatsua Aiisen]

H-Here it goes...

---

So, you want to make a character? "What do I have to know, oh Based Tatsua?"

Good question, imaginary friend. So, here's some basic info to help you out in the character creation process. Please note that, for however serious I may begin to sound, I'm still always going to be your lovely, perhaps a little too over-the-top GM~! Praise my name~!

1. "Where am I?"

World Info

Welcome to the great human Kingdom, Mortis, also called the Star of the West or the Kingdom of Gold. It is the oldest Kingdom in the land, and scholars have estimated that it may have even been around during the Age of Magic, pointing towards the land's various ancient ruins and massive, unnatural scars as evidence.

Indeed, the terrain in Mortis is among the strangest of the Nine Kingdoms, with massive, perilous Ravines that almost seem to tear the mountains themselves asunder. These great chasms are thought to be the source of Mortis's extraordinary wealth, as huge masses of precious metals were revealed through scaling the great ravine walls. Hence why it is sometimes called, the "Kingdom of Gold".

Despite its wealth, and the great territory it holds, Mortis is strangely not the greatest in terms of trading influence. Its Royal Family is known for hording great amounts of wealth, under the guise of "Saving it for times of need". The Gold of Mortis is a common subject of legend, and some outlying scholars even claim that something similar may have been mentioned in the ancient texts.

The more rural areas of Mortis are often headed by old, well-established noble families, with each town usually being named after something relating to that family. Closer to the capital, larger cities may possess several noble families existing at the same time. In places such as this, a Mayor is elected in order to represent the people and make political decisions.

The Capital itself is a great, bustling city, containing the Royal Palace and a great number of fantastic architectural creations, which one could only believe if they saw it for themselves. They stand, larger than life, as testaments to the unbounded wealth of the Kingdom.

The College of Arcanatras, also sometimes just called "The College", is a great university located a few miles from the Capital of Mortis. It is known as being a great center of knowledge, and is revered throughout the world. It's a very influential organization, and its agenda has frequently been scrutinized by the Kingdom's agents.

The Church of Red is the key religion in Mortis, and much of the population follows its teachings, even if they do not honour its god. Its main Cathedral is not located in the Capital, and instead sits in a surprisingly small city off near the coast, called Maidenfall. It isn't uncommon for religious folk to go on pilgrimage here.

Despite its popularity, little is known about the Church of Red's secretive inner workings. Their God is illusive, and not particularly well known to those outside of its dogma. All that is known, to those who seek but do not commit, is that it is closely associated with the colour Red.

About the other Nine Kingdoms, well, they are the Nine human kingdoms of the world, spanning the entirety of the known world. Out of these, three are located on the same continent as Mortis, called the Sleeping Isles, or the Continent of Somnus. The neighbouring Kingdoms are Mirithvale and Ashfall, which possess forest and volcanic geographies respectively.

Mirithvale, while populous, is quite poor, and is a great cultural center in this part of the world. Its focus on fulfilling the people's wishes has left the Royal Family in quite good standing with its people, but as a result, they have little influence on the other countries. Their military is said to be the weakest on Somnus.

Ashfall, to the southeast, is commonly spoken of a derisive manner by the denizens of Mortis, described as being "Barbaric" and "Uncultured". They are, however, some of the greatest warriors in the land, and their people are commonly hailed as being very effective mercenaries. Known for their grey hued skin.

As a whole, out of the three on Somnus, Mortis is undoubtedly the most powerful of the nations, and holds a great deal of influence in this sector of the world. While it cares little for extensive trade, it is in good relations with one foreign nation, a land across the Golden Sea, called "Barron". But of course, their customs and nature are quite unknown to the denizens of Mortis, as their kind are rarely seen in these parts.

2. "Who am I?"

Character Info

For your characters, you will have been contacted by a mysterious individual, or given a mysterious notice and a bag of silvers, hired by that person to go resolve a problem in a rural village in your home Kingdom of Mortis.

You probably have a particular skillset, something that might catch the notice of somebody looking for those who are not widely known, but capable enough for the job. You might be a soldier, a doctor from some rural town, a studious scholar from the College, a charismatic village figure with people skills. All sorts will be found and brought together, all under mysterious purposes, and to solve a mysterious problem.

I will not accept foreign characters, by the way. I have my reasons for this.

By the way, any knowledge of Magic needs to be included in the skills section. Magic hasn't been around since ancient days, so what knowledge you have would be tales from recent years now that magic has begun to reappear. Don't expect to have a lot of this, only an occult specialist would know half of what there is to know, and even that is but a measly hundredth of what one could know.

Magic is kind of a lost art, bro.

CHARACTER SHEET
-Image here-
Name: (What are you called? There should be something here. If I don't like a name, I will ask you to change it.)
Title(s): (Leave blank if no official titles are possessed.)
Gender: (Male, Female, Apache Helicopter, .ect)
Age: (Must be above 15. No upper age limit, but try to be realistic, we're not immortal.)

Personal Information

Descriptive Appearance: (Optional. If you have no image, I expect this to be filled out in a far more detailed manner than others.)
Personality: (You can be brief, but try to be inclusive. Tell us how your character will react to given situations, and include any trauma or flaws your character may have developed over time. Not optional, but can be as long or short
Basic Bio: (A more brief version of History, giving the relevant points and generally presented in a more TL;DR manner.

History: (Optional. A full-length biography, probably stretching over several paragraphs in length. Only do this if you feel you really need to, as it does waste a lot of GM time if it doesn't really contain anything important.)

Skills: (Try to be all-inclusive. Can your character read, write, fight with a sword, live off the land, build a house, and what? You can even include useless things, if you want.)
Equipment: (What do you have? Include EVERYTHING. If it's not in your bio, you don't have it.)

You'll notice I didn't include any formatting beyond the hider (which you can move or adjust, or even remove, as you please). Well, I expect you to at least make your sheet readable, but feel free to not go overboard with the formatting. Feel free to go overboard, too, if you want. I like nice things.

3. "Whose pants are these?"

OOC Info

Wow, that ended up being a little larger than I expected! If you have any more questions for me, please ask me (privately or publicly), and I'll be happy to explain to or go over things with you.

The OOC will be up once I believe things have advanced to that level. All sheets posted from this point on will be subjected to my scrutiny as a GM, but it will be not nearly as harsh as it will be in the OOC, as things are only in their budding stage right now. Here are some important things you'll probably need to know.

1. I will not accept utterly unrealistic characters. If you want to make a teenage sword expert who can easily best a grown man with a blade, despite only being a farmer's child, this will not happen the way you expect. There is a certain logic to my world that has to be obeyed, and while this logic can be flexible from time to time, this does not mean it can be broken nonchalantly.
2. Despite this, Do not think that you have to make only gritty, professional characters. You can be silly, or useless, or even have your character be a parody of some popular fantasy character trope. This does not mean you can contradict the above rule, but please don't try to be too serious about things.
3. No... Foreigners, Magic-users, Religious or Political leaders, non-Humans, or Real-Life Characters.
4. Yes... Nobles, Alchemists, Scholars, Soldiers, Agents, Priests, Farmers, pretty much anything else.
5. Is this enough rules? Oh, and fun is mandatory. There shall be no butt-waggling or dingy-shoving in this thread. If I think you're being a jerk, I might be tempted to punt you into the nether realm, just to see what happens.
6. No Lewd Allowed.

[Sagittarius]

W-why do you have my pants?! Give them back!

[Tatsua Aiisen]

W-why do you have my pants?! Give them back!

@Sagittarius

Only if you get on your hands and knees and praise me. Peasant~!

[Moonlit Sonata]

I-I know we're supposed to be masochists in-RP, but out of it too?

;-;

[SgtEasy]

I'm slightly interested. Nevermind I'm super interested. AN APACHE HELICOPTER?! FUCK YEAH!!! CAN I PLEASE BE AN APACHE HELICOPTER PLEAAASSSEEE

(But being serious, this seems interesting. But if I can be an Apache, can I?)

[Plank Sinatra]

Interested.

[Moonlit Sonata]

I'm slightly interested. Nevermind I'm super interested. AN APACHE HELICOPTER?! FUCK YEAH!!! CAN I PLEASE BE AN APACHE HELICOPTER PLEAAASSSEEE

(But being serious, this seems interesting. But if I can be an Apache, can I?)

@SgtEasy

I'll explain in the GM's stead.

Now, QUESTION ONE: Do Apache Helicopters naturally exist in Fantasyland?

Answer: Nope~

QUESTION TWO: Is it possible for a human to have some sort of twisted, tragic mental disability that makes them think they are an Apache Helicopter~?

Answer: Well, if they're depraved enough, I don't see why not.

And finally, QUESTION THREE: Sonata-sama, how much must I pay to undergo the Male/Female-to-ApacheHelicopter transgender surgery?

Well my little pervert, the answer is "more than you can afford".

This has been "Thirty Seconds With Sonata". Thanks for stopping by, all you adorable little lambs at home~

[SgtEasy]

<Snipped quote by SgtEasy>

I'll explain in the GM's stead.

Now, QUESTION ONE: Do Apache Helicopters naturally exist in Fantasyland?

Answer: Nope~

QUESTION TWO: Is it possible for a human to have some sort of twisted, tragic mental disability that makes them think they are an Apache Helicopter~?

Answer: Well, if they're depraved enough, I don't see why not.

And finally, QUESTION THREE: Sonata-sama, how much must I pay to undergo the Male/Female-to-ApacheHelicopter transgender surgery?

Well my little pervert, the answer is "more than you can afford".

This has been "Thirty Seconds With Sonata". Thanks for stopping by, all you adorable little lambs at home~

@Moonlit Sonata

I was just joking XD. I'd like to put my CS soon

[Moonlit Sonata]

<Snipped quote by Moonlit Sonata>

I was just joking XD. I'd like to put my CS soon

@SgtEasy

Helicopters are no joking matter, and neither is my talk show.

[SgtEasy]

<Snipped quote by SgtEasy>

Helicopters are no joking matter, and neither is my talk show.

@Moonlit Sonata

Oh sorry. Can I sign a deal between our two companies? ApacheHelicopterRescue Patrol would like to sponsor your show

[Moonlit Sonata]

<Snipped quote by Moonlit Sonata>

Oh sorry. Can I sign a deal between our two companies? ApacheHelicopterRescue Patrol would like to sponsor your show

@SgtEasy

...a-are you coming on to me?

The rules said no lewd, pervert.

[SgtEasy]

<Snipped quote by SgtEasy>

...a-are you coming on to me?

The rules said no lewd, pervert.

@Moonlit Sonata

How dare you say such a lewd thing!? I said no such thing, me and my company want to sponsor you're show! If anyone is a pervert here, it is you madam. I am a professional, thank you very much. *lifts monocle*

[Moonlit Sonata]

you're show!

@SgtEasy

I feel violated.

Tatsua-chan-senpai, please help protect my maidenhood from this depravity.