AngelofOctober — Roleplayer Guild

Ross Sänger

Age: 29

Gender: Male

Wonderland Job: NA

Previous Occupation: Veterinarian 

You could have mistaken him for the original Alice, if not for him being a him, and not a she. He seemed to choose sophisticated clothing, simple button down shirts, with ties, without much of his own personality in them. His suits are often well ironed and he doesn’t seem to have a crease or wrinkle when he wears them. If anything, he could be jokingly called Wonderland’s prince. 

Handsome, with narrow features a sharp oval face, with sharp blue eyes. Blond hair that curtains over his forehead, showing off his pale, snow white complexion. Like he is a beautifully made porcelain doll. A sharp angular nose, and thin lips that were thicker at the bottom though not by much. He may have been more handsome if he didn’t have such melancholy in his eyes.

He speaks with a rather thick Germanic accent, but it is not overbearing, or too loud. It’s actually soft, clear, and even toned. He spoke articulate and well educated, despite his pronunciation of words sounding off at times. He stands at 5’7” and weighs around 117 pounds. 

Personality Strengths:

On one hand Ross is a very generous and charitable person, he is deeply honest and seeks to do the best that he can do for others. He seems like a countlessly selfless person who seeks not to harm others. Though he is also deeply religious as well, despite his current turn in the world. He’s not so religious he will throw the gospel at you, but he does believe in God and doing God’s work. 

He rejects the extreme ideals of Catholicism though, such as holding picketing signs and telling people they will rot in hell. It is not really his style and doesn’t believe people who kill, hurt others, or manipulate others is a true follower of their faith. He sees those behaviors as ugly, negative behaviors that go against the will of God no matter the religion.

He is an animal lover, considering his previous occupation. He believed by healing animals he was doing the work all Human’s should do. Like all the faithful, he has his own interpretation of their symbolism and meanings. He believes that shepherds and tenders of the land is one to respect mother nature, don’t liter, don’t harm animals, don’t harm the environment. He believe Nature works in compromise to God’s plan not opposed to it.

Though it’s not all about God’s plan or work with Ross. He is an empathetic soul, who listens to the words of others and takes on the burdens of their pains. He is a quiet individual, that lends useful advice, and even comfort to those suffering.
Perhaps because he can somehow relate to their feelings. He can be a sensitive individual, tends to wear how he feels on his sleeves. Though he is educated and smart, he can be charming, and witty as well. Though not in any malicious way. He values others and the things they have to say. 

Personality Flaws:

Currently Ross is struggling in a sea of confusion. He understands what he has done is a sin against his God, but hopes in some way he could be forgive. Worse for him is the struggling with his own fate, between being a good individual who believes he deliberately failed God’s plan, while another side of him bad mouths and blames his God for not giving him a sign or an answer to help him when he needed it the most. 

He put his faith into God, and would think God would have blessed him for all of his good will and not have remained so sullen and silent in his time of need. Another part of him knows it was temptations from the darkness that he allowed to tempt him into believing his own early death, to reject God’s plan for him was entirely his fault.

There is a conflict between his thoughts and his own religion, which he is slowly losing a grip of. Which tears himself inside because his faith was what kept him going for so long. But now it’s the reason why he gave up with silence. 

While Ross is caring and giving soul, he is a deeply sensitive and emotional person. He doesn’t display emotional outburst, but bottles all of it inside of him. He has little confidence to start conflict with others, and he has little confidence in expressing how he feels. Maybe because of how his father raised him in the past. How his mind when he was a child adopted some kind of vague concept of manhood. He finds it difficult, ironically to reach out to others when he needs help, but knows to reach out to others when they need help.

He probably had suffered from depression for a long time in his life, which gave wake to his emotional apathy and deadness inside. He comes off offstandish to new people and doesn’t let them into his walls easily. He’s so eager to help them, he uses his aid of others as an emotional wall to keep others away from him.

He doesn’t love easily any more. He doesn’t open his heart so easily any more. He doesn’t pour his heart and soul out as easily any more. And he is afraid he has no purpose, he is afraid now that he has rejected God’s path. He is also unsure of where to go.

Furthermore, he doesn’t understand what kind of test Wonderland provides him. Lost and hurt, guarded, and unready to open his heart Ross is deeply conflicted internally.

History:

Rejection 1: Family

Born December 31st in Belgium in Germany  he was his parents ,Maria and Han Sänger, belated Christmas gift and the New Year to an additional family member. He was not their only child, and he was not their first. His sister was born three years prior to his birth. Though Han would always secretly find having a boy the happiest moment of his life. 

Han was a military father, his father before him was in the military, and his father’s father was also in the military. Having strong soldiers in the house was very important. You could never mistake if you simply followed all the strict rules. It wasn’t just a military standard in the household, it was a religious standard as well. 

This influenced by the fact that his sister Emilia and him were both baptized at three months of age. They went to a well established Catholic school, that taught both standard ed and religious discipline. His father would have it no other way.

Ross life had been planned out before him. His father always warned him of the story about Noah and the whale. Rejects God’s plan and there would be Hell to pay. Rejects God’s plan and there would be a storm for you to atone, either by turning back and doing what God wants or going to Hell for not devoting oneself to God’s plan.

But Ross always had a difficult time discerning what was God’s plan and what was his father’s plan. He always say he was acting in God’s favor. If it were up to his father he would have went to Catholic school, straight into military school, went off to be in the military and gain a soldier’s life. The best way of becoming a man. 

Emilia’s life wouldn’t have been much different. Her mother’s plan was the same plan she had herself in life. Find a man, fall in love, get married, make a child, and have a family. Emilia was the first to reject such a notion. Her father claimed the modern world was poisoning her mind, all this talk about being strong independent and sexually liberated was all just a bunch of modern nonsense constructed to tempt the young to the devil’s work.

His father warned them of the temptations of homosexuality, he had lived through it, through the 60s, 70s, and 80s. 

Maria wasn’t much different from her husband. She was strictly devout and believed in traditional roles of man and woman, something her mother taught her, and her mother’s mother taught her. The contemporary lifestyle was filled with debauchery, casual sex, promiscuity, and other devious acts she found unappealing for her taste.

Ross could have continued to be the good child. Stayed on board of the destiny chosen for him by his God, or was it his father’s plan told to him through God. He was unsure. But Ross was smart and educated, he was a curious child, who liked to discover. While he believed in God he met other kids who did not. 

His mother saw that as corruption. His father lectured him strictly on how those children were wrong. When he was seventeen and it was time to decide for himself, whether he was going to be the child who remained on the good path, the righteous path, chosen for him, or if he was going to take a boat and ride out into the ocean waves of finding oneself a new fate.

He chose the latter. Ross had always been someone who loved animals and nature, he believed they worked in tandem with God’s power. He decided he wanted to be a veterinarian. He wanted to believe that God’s plan was different for him. His father did not take the news so well, and his mother didn’t say much she had always gone with the man’s choice when it came to the household. Because Ross was Han’s son, it was a conflict between two men. 

“You have two options. You go to military school as it was planned for you, as I went to military school. Or you’ll have to find somewhere else to live to support yourself indulgence. First your sister and you. Who do you think you are?”

Ross chose the latter. Leaving the house to pursue his dreams. Some could argue it was Ross who rejected his family. But others could argue that a parent should support their child no matter their choices. Ross never had the support to explore anything else that didn’t follow his father or mother’s view of how things should be.

He moved as far from Belgium as he could, to England, where he roomed with a cousin. His parents never provided him support, even when he tried to contact them, and invited them to his college when he graduated. They completely ignored his calls or him in general. When he went to visit his father and mother to show his certification, they simply closed the door in his face. Even if he rejected them first, they gave him the cold shoulder last.

Rejection 2: Love

At twenty-two he had good connections with friends from college, but friends was all he had. Family had abandoned him, or it felt like it. He was able to find a job through good contacts and networks and eventually ended up in a family owned pet clinic, starting off as a veterinarian assistance. He burrowed himself into learning more, working and gaining more education. He tried to ignore the family drama at work or the fact that everyone had a family to even love. 

Some claimed that he was always a little distant at too work. Too afraid to come close to people personally. He was fine lending aid to others, but not letting others into how he felt. It was the beginning of him closing off his world. All though he always had room for God and had time for those he cared for. 

It wasn’t until he was twenty-four that he let down his walls to a woman, Natalie. Natalie came into the family business much the way he came into the family business, through some small little connection that made it even plausible for her to do so. It started off at first with a few workplace glances, but they started off as coworkers and friends.

They got along well, worked well together, seemed to know what was on each other’s mind. Ross manager had always been a casual woman who treated her coworkers more like family whether or not they wanted her to do so. She encouraged Ross to go on a date with Natalie six months after they met. The date went off well and while Natalie was not as faithful as he was, he was accepting it because of the friends he made back in college and in Belgium who did not believe in God, he saw no reason to spite or hate them.

As their relationship grew, so it seemed Ross came a little out of his little emotionally shell he had designed for himself. Engaging more in conversations and seeming to make better friends. At twenty-six the family practice was under siege when a woman claimed a malpractice suit on the clinic, after her dog died in surgery. It cost the clinic investigations and eventually something that Ross would not foresee in his future.

 He had moved in with Natalie not too long ago. They were happy, in love. There were arguments, but nothing no true couple could get over and work out. And there would always be things they may have not agreed upon. But they worked well with compromises. Everyone believed them to be a couple that would have a future with each other.

And he took the plunge at twenty-seven. They lived together, worked together, loved each other, balanced each other. She made him come out in a ways he had never come out and he made her closer to the natural environment. Made her think about the world in a spiritual way, perhaps not a Godly way, but certainly brought some sense of spirituality to her life. Of course it was going to be a simple and easy answer was it not. 

He asked her to marry him in September 1st. Natalie told him, No. She gave no reason why. She didn’t tell him why. She wasn’t cheating on him. Having an affair. They were happy? Was it something he missed? Was she unhappy? She reassured him she was not unhappy with him, but she would not marry him.

They didn’t argue about it. He had never been pushy, would never force someone to do something they didn’t want.  He didn’t understand. And when he didn’t understand he always turned to his faith. Soon after Natalie moved out. Then she stopped working at the clinic. Then she stopped calling.

Rejection 3: Employment

Not soon after he lost his job at the clinic as well. They never recovered from the publicity of the malpractice. They had too few customers, too few payments, and the court bills had the clinic losing money rather than making money. Some would say he had been grieving when Natalie left and losing the job did him no good, but Ross wasn’t entirely ready to give up. He strapped on his perseverance and began looking for work at another clinic.

No one wanted to hire a veterinarian who came from a clinic with an alleged malpractice claim in their history. Even if he wasn’t the one who performed the surgery, even if his name wasn’t in the court cases, how could they trust his training and years of work from that clinic? 

He tried though. Scraping by on hard times. At twenty-eight, near half a year search he was beginning to feel the weight and pressure of not being able to find work. Any kind of work. Fast food and retail work was not what his education was qualified for. He was qualified for more, but stigma and word of mouth left him isolated and alone.

Was this punishment from God? Had he found his whale? Was God’s plan then for him to follow in his father’s footsteps? Would that have made God happy? His father happy.

With what little cash he got by he came back to Belgium to request his parents assistance. To beg for their forgiveness and allow him to stay with them for a little while. Hans scoffed. And closed the door on him a third time in his life.

Rejection 4

God

At twenty-nine it seemed like a wall of depression that he had kept at bay for many years had finally began to break that defense down. Flooding his mind. Despair overtaken him. And what does he do? He ask for God’s guidance. But at the back of his mind, holding a door open was a demonic thought. The one that told him to give up. He wasn’t worth anyone’s time, love, that not even God loved him. That he was a burden and a waste of space. In his mind that had once been a chapel, had become a catacomb, a fortress of desperate thoughts.

And whenever Ross had always had these hard times. Going from friend house to friend house willing to help him out because of how much he had done for them. He turned to God. Again and again. Begging for him to give him a sign, to help him, ask him how he can defeat the demon speaking in his thoughts. He sought the priest, he sought God. But they all had the same answer.

“Suicide is a sin”

“Do not listen to the demon’s temptations”

“Clearly you are not praying hard enough or else God would have sheltered you,”

No answers. Just silence. And a dark wall beginning to consume him. He was falling deep into a shadow and knew he was being tested and couldn’t defeat the beast in his mind. He hated himself. He despised who he was. He didn’t want to live any more. Why did it matter? Those who loved him, left him. And God the one he turned to the most and loved the most, remained silent, and left him.

I am not worth anything. So why does God matter? Clearly he believes I am worth nothing as well. Or else he wouldn’t have put forth all of these obstacles. What could I have done to not deserve his punishment? What should I have done differently?

I want to die. I want to die.

“We have a twenty-nine year old white male en route,”

“Copy that,”

“Ross, can you hear me? Squeeze my hand if you can hear me,”

“Good, you’re on the way to the hospital, okay,”

“Ross, you have to be strong, stay with us, okay, you’re going to be fine,”

Why didn’t it work? Sirens. Wailing. Equipment jangling. Frantic voices. Calling his name. Calling him. Was this God’s plan too? He held a stranger’s hand. Sirens. Wailing. Birds chirping. Nails digging into sheets. Nail digging into soil. The smell of medical equipment. The smell of grass. A last little white light in his eyes. Turns to sun. Looking at blue sky with clouds. This was not Hell. Not anything like it was pictured. All of these colors in this world, a land to wander perhaps, but maybe he would lie here in wonderment. How did he get here? Why was he here? Where was he?

Other Information:

He likes peppermint tea when he is upset, and likes earl grey tea for breakfast instead of coffee

He doesn't drink alcohol

He is a vegetarian
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