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8 yrs ago
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9 yrs ago
"Mecha Cowboys" has less than a thousand hits on Google. I've never been more upset.
10 yrs ago
RP Concept: "Screw just the plans, we're stealing the Death Star and taking that baby for a joyride!"
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10 yrs ago
The VeggieTales theme song has been stuck in my head for at least three days now. Can't decide if it a good or bad thing yet.
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Writer of schlock dressed up in some decent clothes.

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Prudence Stolz

The Red Sail — Dawn


Last night was just another tally mark on the ever growing list of Prudence’s crimes. Since her arrival in Gullian two years ago, she had committed a number of crimes acting in Fontaine’s name as well as in her own poor conduct. These crimes included some petty theft, a handful of burglaries, many vandalisms, uncountable acts of coercion, several assaults, some murders, and an embarrassing incident of public nudity following a night Prudence can’t recall. That’s not to mention the crimes she committed before arriving in town, but it’s a big world and who can say that this Prudence Stolz is that Prudence Stolz? Regardless, she should’ve been arrested, tried, sentenced, and hung some time ago, and she would’ve been if it had not been for Fontaine.

Rather, it would’ve been if not for Fontaine’s money. A few bits and a free night with a girl of their choosing was enough to make most lawmen turn a blind eye to a roughed-up trader or a beaten up crook. Sure, not all constables would trade in their honor for a free poke and some loose change, but enough of them would and the good ones were kept in check. What all of this means is that whenever a band of constables came to the Red Sail Brothel it was normally to cash in on one of these handshake deals and Prudence need not worry. She was under Fontaine’s protection, and the constables were always hungry for a certain kind of proposition. So when Selena told her there was a group of them at the door, she didn’t even think for a second that she was going to be in a lick of trouble.

“Morning, lads,” said Prudence as she opened the door. Her green scarf was styled around her head to cover Selena’s patch job, and she squinted her eyes as light hit them. For a moment she thought she was still seeing double. Usually it was just some crooked guard and a couple of his buddies. Never six. Today it was six. “You lot lost? Don’t think your captain would want you in a brothel before the sun’s fully up.”

“It’s the captain who sent us,” said the man in front. Usually the only thing that separated a constable from a back alley thug who bathed only in booze and filth was the uniform, but their leader clearly put in effort in his appearance with his shined boots, slicked hair, and manicured mustache. He was handsome, arguably, but Prudence liked her men a little bit tougher.

“The girls are hardly up. Go back and tell your captain that we don’t open until their legs do, and their legs don’t open ‘til their faces are on,” said Prudence as she started to close the front door.

“Wait.” A shined boot jammed it from shutting. “We aren’t here for that. We have a warrant to let us enter.”

“What’s that?” said Prudence. The constable took it as her asking to see it, and Prudence stared at the jumble of words on a piece of paper ordained with an official looking stamp. “Look, Madame Fontaine normally deals with these things, and she’s out. Come back tonight and she’ll handle this nonsense.”

“Afraid that’s not possible, Miss Stolz,” said the constable with a smirk. Prudence’s eyes narrowed. She had never met this man before. It was rarely a good thing when a stranger knew your name, especially when that stranger was the law.

“And why is that?” she asked, her voice turning dark.

“If you come with us I can explain it all. Slowly, too, so you can understand,” he said. The guards behind him chuckled.

“Sorry,” growled Prudence. She didn’t quite grasp what was happening, but she knew she didn’t like it. “We’re closed.”

Prudence slammed the door with all of her might. A howl of pain erupted from the mustached officer as his boot was smashed between door and jamb, a sickening crunch sounding out as tendons snapped and bones shattered. It had been a nicely shined boot; he shouldn’t have used it as a stop. However, it did manage to do the job of keeping the door from closing, and as it bounced back open Prudence was greeted with the sight of one screaming officer on his back and five angry constables stepping over him with their clubs drawn. She could hear Selena screaming from behind the bar, and a smarter person would’ve tried to run. But when Prudence looked at the five constables bearing down on her she didn’t see a good reason to turn tail and flee.

“Good.” She whipped out her blackjack. Six was unreasonable. Five? Five wasn't so bad. “Now it’s a fair fight.”




Royal Complex/Stronghold Keep — Day


It wasn’t. One against five never was, and perhaps one day she would learn that. Prudence had gotten a couple of good hits in before the blows from their clubs had overpowered her, but she was lucky to even be walking. Well, walking was a stretch; she was doing more of a shuffling as two guards dragged her by the shoulders deep into the pits of the Royal Complex. It hurt where they grabbed her, it hurt where her wrists were bound, it hurt where her ankles were bound, and it hurt just about everywhere else. She had come to in the carriage. Waking up with new wounds and in an awful situation was quickly becoming a tiring habit. Her two new friends had met her outside of the carriage, and since then they had been engaging in pleasant conversation.

“Didn’t realize the King was hiring chickens these days,” barked Prudence, her voice echoing down the hall. “Bunch of yellow-bellied lowlifes, coming after me with a whole bloody battalion. Got me in chains. What’s the matter? Scared of a girl? Closest you been to one, I bet, you ugly, boot licking piece of trash. Wait until I get outta these chains. Pluck everyone one of your feathers off, I will, and cook you up real nice and slow. Real nice and slow.”

“Why do I get stuck with all the assholes?” muttered the guard on her left while the one on her right gave her a smack on the back of the head. The hall ended and they entered the dimly lit dungeon. Prudence’s voice echoed off the walls; she wasn’t making a good prisoner.

“Oh a real big man, aren’t you? Hitting an unarmed prisoner. Real big. Why don’t you undo my hands and I’ll show you how to really hit someone, huh? C’mon, I’ll even give you the first punch. You hit me, then I hit you, then you hit the ground. C’mon. C’mon, let’s go.” The sound of a backhand rang through the cells. “Ha ha, there you go! Ha ha, there it is. Okay, now me. My turn. C’mon you coward. You coward, that was the game! Undo these, you coward!”

“Please, you’re only making this harder on yourself,” muttered the guard on her left as the one on the right opened a cell and began to work the chains through Prudence’s restraints.

“You know, you ain’t that bad actually,” said Prudence to the left guard with a sly wink of suggestion. “You take that club of yours, give that jerkoff over there a couple of lumps, and undo these chains. I can make it worth your while. C’mon, it’ll be fun. Gimme your club and I’ll do it. You won’t even have to let me go. I just wanna see if that coward’s gots any brains. Nobody’ll know, right? Nobody’ll know. C’mon.”

“Ugh, no way,” muttered the left guard.

“Oh you scared, huh? You a chicken too, huh? Cluck cluck, that you? That’s what you sound like? Like to peck things? Or is that what you like? A pecker? Hoping he'll give you his, is it?” She smashed her body against the left guard who yelped, but held his ground. “I could kill you—” In an instant she was on the ground wheezing as the right guard reared around on her and hit her full-force in the gut. He had been holding back.

Prudence continued to cough as the cell slammed shut behind her. The ground was cold and wet and actually felt rather good on her throbbing head that she figured she’d lay their for awhile, until the thought of what the stone was wet with made her sit up. She let out a pained groan as she righted herself and took a glance around the dungeon. Humanoid blobs of broken, beaten losers were in the other cells around her, and she didn’t like that she was being associated with such a sad company. Yeah, there was no way she was spending her day in her with these jerks. Prudence had an idea.

First, she stood up. Not quickly, and with a lot of grumbling and blurring of the vision, but she managed to get on her own two feet. Second, she backed herself up against the wall that the shackles on her ankles and hands were chained to so that they all hung as slack as possible. Third, she...took...a...moment, because her body really didn’t want to be moving right now, and so she shook her head and breathed. Then it was time for the fourth step and she took off running. Within a third of a second she was where she had first started—in a heap of defeat on the floor. Amazingly, her plan to break the chains with her speed and strength didn’t work. Not even a stone was loose.

So she did it again.

And again.

And then she couldn’t get up. From that heap of defeat, Prudence growled an empty threat to the floor below. “When Fontaine finds out what happens…”

Of course, Fontaine already knew.
Since we're on the subject, I'm also gonna be out of town from July 3rd to the 13th. I'll get a post throwing my folk in jail by this weekend. After that, y'all can feel free to use 'em in any awful way while I'm out so I don't slow anything down.
tfw some weird-boy keeps saying they're telling the truth but disappear before the human lie detector can hit 'em with the goods (only to find out it don't work that way)

Should get a post up by...Sunday? Also, gonna be out of town from the 3rd to the 13th because I'm, oddly enough, going to Montana. I'll let you know if any world-ending multi-dimensional monster is there.
Been away from my computer, will edit my C.S accordingly and get working on a follow up tonight


I love that a dude nicknamed Lucky has a Luck of 1.
<Snipped quote by Atrophy>
It would be symbolic for this RP to end where it began.


With everybody getting lit? Hell yeah!

I'mma let the Speaker reply to Rien before I put anything up for Rita.



@Ruler Inc
Town Hall



They were starting to bicker again. Billy ignored Penny and Britney as they went about their little power struggle. Instead, he found himself staring into the mass grave. Farmer Hill was a small town, and he had met a number of the people working the desk at his father’s shop. Familiar faces now twisted in pain stared back at him. It was horrific. He always thought a world ending event like a zombie apocalypse would be fun. He even had a plan for such an event. But this was different. A dark storm was starting to form in his mind when he just barely caught the group going down the stairs out of the corner of his eye. Billy followed after them. He wasn’t gonna be the idiot caught alone by some psycho.

Billy groaned as the group entered the archives. This was going to take forever, and even if they got what they wanted it would only spell more trouble for them. Why couldn’t they just raid the liquor store and hit up the electronics shop on the way back to the dorms? Get smashed and play games until somebody else took care of this whole thing. He went to the farside of the archives and started thumbing through boxes, going through the motions of searching for a map while not really looking at all before dumping the contents on the floor. He had dumped out a few boxes and began making his way to another row when the hairs on the back of his neck stood up.

"Don't fuckin' move," Billy heard a husky voice say to him. "I don't know if you're one of those maniacs possessed by that thing or what. Don't move."

Billy felt something cold and metal press against the base of his skull. Was it a gun? He froze in place, looking wildly at the others for help.

Penny felt her stomach flip as she turned and saw that the fucking Mayor had taken her brother hostage. There were plenty of times in her life when she had wished that Billy was dead, mostly over something he said or him hogging the TV, but the sight of seeing a gun drawn on her brother filled her with fear. The only saving grace of the situation was that the Mayor didn’t seem to be one of those Redemption freaks. Maybe there was still reasoning with him.

“We’re not like those maniacs, believe us, we’ve been attacked by them too,” said Caelea. “We don’t want to fight you.”

“Listen to her,” said Penny, trying to sound calmer than she was. “If we were one of those things, this conversation wouldn’t even be happening. We’re trying to stop whatever is going on, Mr. Mayor.”

“The Mayor?” said Billy, the only one who hadn’t gotten a look at the guy holding him hostage. “C’mon, man, our dad campaigned for you. Lemme go.”

“Billy, our dad tried to run again—” Penny shook her head and turned her attention back to the Mayor. “Look, doesn’t that prove that this idiot can’t be one of those things? Please, put down the gun and we can explain why we’re here. Maybe you could help us.”

She took one step forward.
Is there something like an annual fair where people would pay a slice or so for having them tossed as far as possible back into the crowd or into a pond of water? Just in case Vodilic needs to pick up a second job ;-)


Oh man there is if we say there is. I just want the fair to literally be about tossing someone into water. Like it had some important religious meaning decades ago but that's all long forgotten and it's just a way to see someone fancy get thrown into a bay full of fish guts.

Love the posts, folks. Keep it up!
@Fetzen
Prudence Stolz

The Slums — Night


It was still dark. Prudence stirred and coughed. Her head pounded. Her ears rang. The blood on her face was thick. Most of it wasn’t hers. There was something below her. She remembered the attack in flashes. She grumbled. It was what remained of the boy. She rolled off of him and landed on the wet cobblestone. She stopped rolling, but the world kept twirling. She held her breath. Waited. Waited. The world leveled out. She tried to sit up. She was too quick about it the first time and the spinning started again. The second time she was slower. It worked. Through her double vision she could see the burned down house in front of her. The still-standing door frame look like a mouth. With her swimming head it looked like it was laughing at her. Asshole door.

She took a moment.

And then another.

Okay.

Prudence had woken up next to boys plenty of times before and regretted it, but never quite like this. She looked over his body. Even in the dark she could see what remained of his skull. She had done that? Prudence let out a ragged breath. She wasn’t a stranger to violence, maybe even revelled in it, but even that made her look away. Another memory of unbridled rage to shove deep, deep down until it was forgotten except in the occasional nightmares. Prudence put her head in her hand and massaged her temples. She couldn’t stay here. Constables didn’t really come out this deep in the slums but she couldn’t stay here.

She tried standing up and found that she could still do it. Prudence reached down to check her scarf, paused, took off a stained glove, and then checked it. It was still there, but she doubted the moisture was just water. She frowned and then felt for her coin purse. It was gone. Shit. She patted her dagger. Just the sheath. Double shit. Her eyes moved in a rapid panic and she spotted it a few feet away from her defunct bunkmate. Small miracles. She replaced her glove and grabbed her knife. It was frustrating to lose a handful of bits, but she could easily get them back with that knife alone. Now being unarmed? She wouldn’t live long enough to worry about money problems.

It was time to get the hell out of the slums. The task was easier said than done. She could hardly find her way through it when she was fully coherent, and now she could hardly see straight. However, walking wasn’t so bad. She tried to ignore the pain as her heavy footsteps echoed throughout the slums. Nobody was out now. It must’ve been real late. She kept pushing onward, the creeping feeling that she’d turn a corner at any moment and be met with a brutalized corpse and a charred house weighing on her heavily. Yet then through the ringing in her ear she could hear the sound of waves smacking against the seawall. If she just kept the sea on her right she’d make it home. Now if only that pesky blackness would stop coming...in...and…it was chased away by a red light.

Wait, where was she? Prudence whipped her head back and forth and triggered a shot of pain—stupid. She was outside of the Red Sail, the red lights burning away in there oil lamps to turn away the night and signal in lonely souls. Fontaine had explained to her how the flame burned so red once, but Prudence never understood any of that alchemy mumbo jumbo. It just meant she was home. Which was strange, because she didn’t feel like she had been walking for that long. She looked up at the purple sky and saw that the moon was barely above the neighboring buildings. She was missing time. How good had that old man beaned her? She was still alive, so she supposed the answer was “not good enough.”

Prudence stumbled against the door and propped herself up against it. At this time of night the Red Sail would be locked tight and the girls would be given some time for their all very important beauty sleep and a bit of self-reflection. She fished for the key on her belt and was relieved to find that it had not been stolen. After a bit of work she was able to find the hole, a phrase regularly uttered around the Red Sail but generally in a different context, and let herself in. Only the glow of the red lights lining the windows lit the room, casting eerie shadows across worn couches and chaise lounges. Prudence made her way to one of the couches and sat down. She just needed to give herself a second to let her head stop spinning.

The Red Sail — Dawn


When Selena woke her it was morning. The red lights were all extinguished and sunbeams poured in through the windows. The gentle rumble of dock workers and food peddlers outside mixed with the quiet gossip of the upstairs girls who weren’t sleeping off their hangovers. While getting poked with the handle of a broom wasn’t the most pleasant way to being woken up, it was the smartest thing for Selena to do—Prudence occasionally awoke swinging. Prudence rolled over and sat up; Selena took a step back as Prudence’s hood fell to reveal her face. Beneath the matting of deep red was a rainbow of purple, black, and yellow surrounding the cut around her temple from where the lantern had hit her. Selena’s initial shock wore away. It wasn’t the first time she had seen Prudence return looking like this, and if Prudence kept her luck then it wouldn’t be the last time.

“Let’s clean you up, love.”

There was no protest from Prudence as Selena set to work. Again, not the first time. Selena guided her to the bath, helped her undress, and gently cleaned the grim as Prudence prayed that the water had been changed from the night before. Even still, she doubted that all of the scented soap and hot water in the world would be enough to clean the leftover residue from whatever three gold coins and an hour of privacy bought. Once Selena had time to wash her clothes and Prudence had forgotten her thoughts and just enjoyed the relaxing water the barmaid set about to dressing the enforcer’s wound after she dried. Prudence stared into the mirror as Selena finished wrapping the wound. Even with Selena’s care and the much needed bath she still looked like absolute shit. She sighed as she followed after her friend and took a seat at the bar.

“So you going to tell me what happened or sit there being glum all day?” asked Selena as she set down a morning meal of hard bread, spiced meat, soft cheese, and a bitter tea in front of Prudence.

“I ain’t being glum,” said Prudence between ravenously shoveling food into her mouth. It was simple but good, although every chew sent a sharp spike through her head. “I’m thinking.”

“Haven’t you hurt yourself enough today?” said Selena. She leaned forward, snagging a bit of cheese off of Prudence’s plate. “C’mon, you know how the other girls love to spread rumors. Let me set the story straight.”

“Uh,” Prudence squinted as she tried to come up with a lie. She was rubbish at lying; they almost always came out as questions like she was unable to bring herself to believing in them. “I took out a couple of Black Hands?”

“You said that fisherman and three of his buddies you kicked out last week tried to jump you and that they look tenfold as shit as you do?” clarified Selena. Prudence nodded dumbly. Selena leaned in closer so that no eavesdroppers could hear them. “So what really happened?”

“I..." Prudence sighed. "I got mugged by an old man and—.”

“An old man? You? Mugged by an old man?” Selena threw her head back and barked with laughter. Certainly the girls upstairs had heard her outburst. So much for stopping rumors. Prudence’s nails dug into the countertop as her friend waved her hand in front of her as an apology as she tried to stifle her continuing laughter. Prudence’s lips grew thin. "What he bore you with stories of the back-in-my-days til you passed out and brained yourself on the street? Accidentally hit you with a hard candy? An old man! Hah!"

“With two lads! I killed one of them,” growled Prudence. Selena stopped laughing. “Fontaine’s gonna be furious. Couldn’t have been any older than Priscilla.” Prudence stared at the countertop. “Just some stupid kid following someone else’s orders.” The wood on the countertop was beginning to warp; it was now the hull of a ship. She could smell the seawater. “Just some stupid kid.” Don't be so soft, stupid girl, pirates are pirates. That voice again. She shuddered. A glass clinked down in front of her. Prudence blinked her eyes rapidly at the whisky as she was drawn back into the Red Sail Brothel.

"Grandpa's medicine," said Selena, smirking.

“Fontaine don’t like it when you give away booze,” said Prudence matter-of-factually as she slid the glass away. Besides, it was too early to imbibe and her head was already foggy enough.

“Then don’t tell her,” said Selena.

“She’s gonna know.”

“It was that damn fisherman and his goons.”

“What do fishermen have to do with drinking from the supply?” asked Prudence.

“Oh, c'mon Prue. You don’t remember because they hit your head. But I saw it through the window. Helped drag you in here after you chased them off,” Selena said with a wink. “It. Was. The. Fisherman.”

“The fisherman?” Prudence repeated. Her eyes widened with understanding. Fontaine didn’t like bodies, or at least she didn’t like bodies left out in the open where they could draw prying eyes. With Selena’s story there wasn’t a body. She smiled. “Yeah, the fisherman.”

Selena smiled back, and then in a flash snagged another piece of cheese from Prudence’s plate and popped it into her mouth before the enforcer could stop her. "Hey!"

"Payment for my services," said Selena as she poured herself a glass of whisky and pushed Prudence's back towards her. "Now it can't go back in the bottle, so drink up and let me tell you about my night. You weren't the only one hit on by an old man..."
Should be posting in the next couple of days and is the foreshadowing just the song title are we going back to camp and roasting marshmallows!?
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