Dervish — Roleplayer Guild

THE TIME YOU HAVE ALL BEEN PATIENTLY WAITING FOR/ RIOTING OVER IS HERE!

I want to thank all of you who applied! It’s always touching and inspirational to see people take interest in these games, and there’s definitely some great applications, and I am thankful for all the effort you guys put in! 

If you don’t make the initial 8, I do want to stress that A) it’s nothing personal!, B) It was still in all likelihood a character Shaft and I would accept without hesitation, but we do have to stay within our limit so we’re not getting crushed, and C) If you would like and it’s not otherwise stated there’s some major things that need to be resolved in the sheet before we would accept it, please feel free to let us know if you want to be kept on a Reserve roster where if we have a drop out, we will message you and see if you’re still interested!

And please, don’t take any of my critiques as anything more than constructive criticism that is in no way meant to be sharp tongued or insulting, the reason I put a lot of time and effort into critiquing each and every sheet is because even if you don’t make it in the game, it will give you an idea of what can be improved upon and help you out as players down the road by giving you some hopefully helpful feedback.

Now, enough of the foreplay, it’s go time!

roleplayerguild.com/topics/126247-the-..

For someone who’s a melee fighter, I find her lack of armour and utter ramshackle description of her equipment rather endearing. It’s a nice fit for an average every person who can’t afford a full set of armour, which would likely be the reality in this kind of world. Overall, equipment all looks good!

I would also suggest using another skill than speech, mainly because the nature of the roleplaying medium; your character’s effectiveness as a speaker depends entirely on how you write them, so feel free to pick another skill. To use a really crappy example, say Bob the Orc has Expert level speech, but the player writes something like this “Hey gard oepn the gate nao or I hurt u”, as a GM I’d have to factor in that’s one of his skills and seriously have to consider that the guard was intimidated by Microsoft Sam’s inbred cousin instead of laughing him off. Maybe consider something like Athletics? A fighter like her would have to be nimble and have considerable stamina to keep in a fight.

Only comment I have about her fighting style, other than I love how scrappy it is, is that I’m not entirely sure if a greatsword would have enough force to break an arm through a shield, and if anyone who knows more about that, please let us know! That said, it can absolutely hack through wood and break shields like nobody’s business, as well as go through bones without a huge amount of effort, so it’s very devastating, but I think a shield’s pretty good at dispersing force and protecting the wearer’s arm from fractures. However, the force of it would almost certainly pull the shield down and probably cut into the person behind it. Just something to keep in mind. I think they were also used for lopping off spear heads, as well.

I really like her back story, and how everything started idyllic for her family but even a distant war started making things hard for them, including the loss of her father  and their business becoming all but finished because she had to inherit the reins, and how it drove her to pick up a sword of her own out of vengeance and how her untrained but passionate fighting style is reflected in her very ramshackle appearance and equipment. I also love how she was indirectly the cause of her mother’s death; usually when people go with the dead parent route, it was something outside of their power, and I think that’s going to be a powerful motivator for Fiona going forward; not just her anger at High Rock and Lord Velnette, but the guilt that must be eating at her for the death of her mother. It’s rather exciting stuff! 

A really solid character sheet, I quite enjoyed it!

roleplayerguild.com/topics/126247-the-..
As far as shit disturbing weasels go, I rather enjoy this one. Short, unattractive, tries to hide his race and is utterly a coward who hides behind connections and wealth like some kind of Tamriel Wall Street CEO, this guy’s an unexpected scumbag that I always love seeing in games because you never know if they’re going to redeem themselves or utterly be a menace later on. It’s also great he bears lasting wounds and scars from the people he’s pissed off and crossed.

The same thing I pointed out to Fiona, you might want to swap out speechcraft for another skill, just because of how roleplaying goes; if you make him a convincing talker, it’ll translate well to NPC reactions. 

I also want to make note this is the first time I’ve ever seen anybody roleplay a banker and real estate mogul turned loan shark, so it’s definitely something I was not expecting but it rather fits this whole setting and opens up some neat ideas for non-combative things that could work in group dynamics out of combat situations. 

Y’know, you just made this really friggin’ easy for me with this recent round of edits. My main points I was going to bring up were related to his interest in the non-existent Dark Brotherhood and how exactly a warrant followed him all the way from Imperial City, but blackmailing the Elder Council with their own money would definitely get him some rather devoted attention.

Overall, pretty good and a great character idea!

Player withdrew application due to busy stuff, may return!

In the meantime, enjoy your critique. 

roleplayerguild.com/posts/3637460

I’m not really sure if a khajiit caravan would welcome an outsider in their company, as the khajiit caravans are already stigmatized by most of Skyrim and given how their livelihood is always at the risk of bandits and thieves, they’d probably very hesitant to trust people, especially if it came to light she was Forsworn. I can see them allowing someone in need, and a child at that, to tag along until their next stop at a settlement, but I can’t really see them letting someone tag along for several months. They’re kind of an insular community.

How old was she when she first arrived at the college, and was she already somewhat talented with magic when she got there? You mention the Forsworn used magic and she was more subtle with it, but past that it seemed kind of glossed over a bit. She would have to demonstrate some kind of proficiency with magic before being admitted, so it would help if we had some indication of how much she learned before she even arrived at the College, and a bit more fleshing out on the years leading up to that. Doesn’t have to be comprehensive, just all we have to work off of is a couple sentences in the Family Origins section before it jumps right to the College. Why wouldn’t she seek out another Forsworn clan, and why would she trust the khajiit, whom her people probably preyed upon on occasion? What did she think of the khajiit, and what did she do with them? Why didn’t she try to make her way to a city? Just stuff like that would be a great help.

I think her skooma addiction and the circumstances leading up to it thanks to her trauma are fantastic, and that could really be something that would be incorporated into her early history that you haven’t really touched on. I really like that she suffers from crippling nightmares when she isn’t self-medicating with skooma, and I love how it’s taking a horrible toll on her otherwise; it gives you a clear idea of just how hard it is that it wasn’t a choice for her. 

Also, I’m curious if any of her upbringing with the Forsworn coloured her outlook on life and personality. She might denounce them for what they did, but as you said, they were family and the society that raised her. It’s worth exploring.

Everything looks pretty good post-college, and I love how she uses Illusion magic to get away with banditry and how she tries to justify her actions to make it seem like it’s someone else’s fault, it’s such a human thing to do and it’s a hell of a coping mechanism. The only thing I’d suggest is that since Markarth is quite ways away from Meir Thorvale, which is about halfway across High Rock, that you make it clear that that was a while ago and touch upon how she was coping from then to when she was eventually caught. 

I like the sheet, and she’s a great character! Just some things I think would serve her well to flesh out as a character that I mentioned and she’d be definitely good to go.

roleplayerguild.com/posts/3638771

Not a critique, but an observation about roleplaying in general that amuses me is that anything under six feet in height is almost always described as being on the shorter side. Heck, in medieval society, I don’t think it was common for people to reach six feet because of lack of nutrition and the abundance of wonderful ailments that afflicted people…. I kind of want to go back in time and just tower over everyone and be like “BOW TO ME, MORTALS!” 

OKAY, BACK ON TOPIC.

I enjoy how Parasius is totally rocking the mangy hobo look. It would be fun to see how people react to him in cities. It’s also interesting how you totally gimped the character in terms of inventory, physical stature, and social well-being; I’m curious on what kind of growth or direction you’d take him in as a game progresses. I’m also a fan of themes where heroism comes back to haunt a character, so Parasius’ father’s fate is definitely something I find compelling because I’m a fan of subverting the trope that becoming a hero solves a characters’ problems. Although, I do wonder how exactly an assassin who was careful enough to eliminate witnesses ended up caught in the first place; perhaps if the assassin got away with it, it would help with colouring Parasius’ mentality in both the ruthless effectiveness of assassins and that nobody is untouchable, as well as justice being a thing that is rarely served. 

Something to consider, even though his parents died, would Parasius not be able to claim their inheritance and personal effects? I would find it rather hard to believe that his father, a soldier, would not accept that he may die in battle and leave his son behind, so he’d probably have something in place to support him. As well, if his father was a hero, would somebody not want to do even meager things to help Parasius out? Just something to consider. 

A quick note, the Morag Tong to the best of my knowledge has never operated outside of Morrowind save for a few rare instances of pursuing a singular target. The organization something that’s just deeply ingrained in Morrowind’s political culture and identity. 

My first impression on the whole Dark Brotherhood thing was initially a flat out “no”, but after mulling it over and how right now all of Parasius’ ideas are just that, I think it works just fine for a character motivation. While the Brotherhood isn’t going to be a focus of this RP and I’d be hesitant to go after a subplot involving it (largely because I don’t want to fracture the group up too much or focus on a very specific and singular subplot), but it is definitely something that can be explored in the future. However, as it’s a pretty major faction that has world-effecting abilities with the canon, any ideas you have would have to be run by the GMs for approval in this setting. We love ambitious ideas, and we can even help them come to fruition, but we definitely appreciate being kept in the loop being any big steps are taken. 

Ultimately, I really like the character and actually feel bad for him, he seems like he wants to be accepted and a part of a family after losing his, but after life took a horrific turn and brought him down to about as low as person can go, it’s hard for him to trust others’ intentions and probably views acts of charity as if there was a catch. I see a lot of potential for growth here.

roleplayerguild.com/posts/3638788

Pssst, heeey. You forgot a reason for incarceration. TEN POINTS FROM GRYFFONDOR.

I feel like I have insider knowledge knowing exactly who this mysterious mentor is, and as usual, your ability to flesh out a character’s story is top notch. I greatly enjoy how he doesn’t really have a tragic family, and that his steps out into an adventurous lifestyle are largely self-motivated, and I’m curious about who-know-who deciding to mentor Faruq and what his motivations were. The years of training are an excellent foundation for his skills and confidence, and you can definitely get a sense of what drove him to fight the Dominion and leave home. I think the fleshing out what happened during the war and describing what cities have fallen are fine, as I know from experience you’re very solid for being a good judge of alluded to events and Cyrodiil not being a focus it’s left rather ambiguous, so I think it’s a good thing, especially for having an idea of what Faruq had done in the war and where he’d been. I think his motivation for heading to High Rock after seeing the rough shape of the Imperial forces is definitely a sound on, and it’s great how his hot-headed temperament is detrimental to his goals. 

Overall, there’s really nothing I think needs to be addressed in the background.  There’s good, consistent logic to it all and it’s very clear who Faruq is, what he’s after, and how he got to where he is. Nicely done!

roleplayerguild.com/posts/3638880

Tee hee, “caught righthanded”. I’m not sure how you figured that was the term to use, but yeah, red handed I think you mean. That and a few other typos and other errors kind of tell me this sheet could have used a bit of proof reading. It’s not the biggest thing in the world, but just something to keep in mind. 

In regards to the skills, speechcraft is unnecessary and can be substituted for another skill because as I mentioned in other critiques, a character’s ability to be persuasive will depend on your ability to write more so than any particular game mechanic. Also, please sort them into the proficiency categories outlined in the character sheet. 

If he has 30 arrows on his person, how is he carrying the 15 that aren’t in the quiver? 

Does Valen have a family? Parents, siblings? It would be good to know something about his early years, we just kind of start off with him being groomed into a career and presumed to be a capable fighter and bodyguard. I like the whole romance scandal and think that has a lot of potential to be developed, although with this line, “If people had realized that occasional didn't mean commitment, then maybe things would have ended on a more positive note.”, it’s worth making note that a scandal is a scandal; it’s still politically inappropriate regardless of it being an occasional fling. Think of how many politicians and athletes have their careers deep sixed and reputations ruined because of one instance of infidelity or inappropriate relationships. I also think assassinating Valen for his affair would be a bit overkill on Aivilos’  family’s part, as Valen is politically insignificant and murdering him outright could potentially come back to haunt them later on. Simply shaming him and forcing him to step down, as what happened, is the logical step here.

I had to look up exactly where Stonefalls was, and it looks like it’s largely the Western reaches of Morrowind, which is pretty much exactly where most of the dunmer control of the province resides after Vvardenfell was destroyed. If someone wanted to send someone to a place where they could be  useful/ disposed of for how dangerous it would be, it would make a bit more sense to be in the South where tensions with the Argonians is very real; Argonia did invade and conquer most of the South during the Accession War, and the Southern part of Morrowind is still occupied to this day, which was a large reason why so many dunmer had to become refugees to other parts of Tamriel. Being assigned to the Southern border would probably be the likely place for Valen to be stationed.

Also, how would the guys he got in a brawl with in the tavern in High Rock know he was a deserter? Nobody outside of his unit would recognize him, especially so far away, and after two years and provinces away, it’s pretty safe to say nobody’s going to really be looking  for him, especially with the war on. I take he isn’t exactly boasting of his service and incriminating himself, so he could literally be anybody and nobody would look at him twice. Keep in mind Morrowind is so weak, fragmented, and utterly dismantled it barely has any military might left, and he’d likely be able to find help with any number of dunmer refugee communities across the Empire. In the unlikely event that a warrant for his arrest for desertion managed to even find its way to where he is now that anyone would care or know who it is; there’s bigger problems in the world, namely a big honking war and logistics are going to be primarily focused on keeping the Legions supplied rather than delivering ambiguous notices across a continent. 

There’s quite a few things that would have to be addressed before I’d accept this character sheet into the roster.

roleplayerguild.com/posts/3640106

I see somebody’s fond of the Dragonborn race from D&D. :P

Around how old was Jex when he was captured? It suggests he had time after he hatched to grow, learn how to fight, and so on, but there’s no indication of how long it took for that to happen. For all we know, it could be two months or it could be twenty years. Some kind of gauge for when all of this went down would be preferable. However, I don’t really see why or how any dunmer would be making slaver runs down to Morrowind because officially, the province has renounced slavery when it became a part of the Septim Empire and while there’s no Imperial presence that would stop anyone from continuing the practice, a huge swath of Southern Morrowind is occupied by the Argonians, largely thanks to encouragement by the Thalmor and from centuries’ worth of rage at the atrocities committed by the dunmer against their people. Morrowind is not a strong province, and is in truth barely holding its shit together, let alone launching deep enough into Argonia to grab slaves (which would require stomping through occupied territories).

And here’s where we run into the first glaring issue I have with the sheet; what kind of fool guard would allow himself to be attacked like that in the first place, and the argonians are a race famed for their ability to swim and breathe in water as you pointed out he does so with proficiency the very next paragraph, so why wouldn’t slavers have them chained down or otherwise contained in the hold of a ship? If Jex is as large and fearsome looking as the description suggests, they wouldn’t drop their guard around him just because he was initially compliant. Also, I don’t care how strong you are, you cannot break out of iron bonds by bashing them against a rock repeatedly. Metal > Skin and bones, every time. Stuff’s not made out of crafting foam, it’s built to last. 

We’ll get to evil merchant man in a second, but there are no dwemer ruins in Cyrodiil, at all. I also don’t know what person immediately gives somebody clean clothes and a place to stay and then trusts them to wander off into some ruins without just leaving with some new clothes. The ruins you find there are from the Alyeid elves. The dwemer were exclusively in the Northern provinces. Back to the merchant, other than going from zero from philanthropist to Buffalo Bill for no reason other than super fast drama with no build-up or reason, why wouldn’t he just set up the trap in his cellar and trap Jex  there? I also don’t know what kind of diseases he was hoping to infect an argonian with, but they must have been super amazing and potent to a degree nobody has ever seen before because argonians are all but immune to disease. 

And once again, we’re back to captors doing terrible things to Jex but letting their guard down because he’s not aggressive; he’s huge and terrifying! And in this case, the evil merchant has to know he’d want nothing more than to escape. Also, if he was being tortured without end after being largely malnourished after his initial escape and infected with these mystery super diseases, how would he be strong enough to once again, somehow break free of irons that aren’t made of crafting foam, he somehow escapes through what I assume are like prison bars? How?! 

We’re also in stars aligning territory because apparently this merchant guy (who from all appearances is probably a reputable member of his community, and not some weird guy who tortures people), who simply has to run to the guards and say a savage argonian is trying to kill him, has decided to run into the wilds and follow enough of a daily routine of living in the woods that Jex was able to trap him and pull a Predator on him by ripping out his spine and skull. This is really just stretching any sort of logic in favour of just having a violent and edgy story that doesn’t hold up to scrutiny, and honestly, it kind of worries me exactly what kind of character Jex would be in the roleplay, because so far his only interaction with any living person or creature is to brutally kill it after suffering highly circumstantial indignities. We don’t even find out why the merchant did that to him, or anything about them; it’s just a paper thin caricature of the archetype of a friend betraying the protagonist. 

So, now he returns to the city of the merchant who, up until this point should appear to be an upstanding member of the community and starts getting contracts against criminals, how? The merchant, who runs a business, suddenly isn’t there and nobody noticed or looked into it? I really think you just picked this guy to be a merchant to have an excuse for Jex to somehow break into his house again (with no lockpicking skills at that, unless the merchant runs around with his shop key on him at all times) just so there was an excuse to get supplies for your character. Also, was there any distinguishing characteristics of this axe he took from the orc he killed that some guy in Hammerfell would recognize? I assume that you mean they’re in a stronghold and took in an outsider for some reason. I also really feel like this really short Hammerfell orc clan is just another subplot to justify the Imperial City orc’s death instead of it just being a random contract murder. 

And “spiked and heavy tail”? Is he suddenly an ankylosaurs now?

There’s a lot on this sheet that concerns me, especially from a group roleplay perspective, and it’s more than just a few corrections before I’d accept it. Sorry.

roleplayerguild.com/posts/3641531

Gaela, moar like Jennifer Lawrence, amirte

First off, I really like her inventory and how a lot of it sounds like there’s a story behind it, and I’m hoping that things like that become revealed over time. She certainly has the means to carry all of her stuff, and knowing you, you’re pretty crafty as explaining alchemy business and make something as tedious as mashing up bugs and horse shit to make suntan lotion captivating. 

I also really enjoy how her traumatic experience with the werewolf and loss of her father manifested itself into a coping mechanism like setting things on fire, which if I’m a betting man, has something to do with her father’s instructions to always be back to the fire and camp by nightfall. I imagine she’s also still afraid of the dark to this day.

About her family, does she still keep in contact with them, what was her relationship with them? It’s just good things to know for later, since there’s always a chance of going to Daggerfall later on and she may or may not wish to seek them out.

A phrase comes to mind for what landed her in trouble with the law, “No good deed goes unpunished”. It’s suitably awful and certainly makes for yet another awful thing to haunt her like a vulture. I imagine she’s probably determined to clear her reputation and start over.

Really, well done! Nothing needs to be addressed past maybe looking into considering fleshing out her family relations a bit, but that’s hardly something pressing.  

Also, you don’t have to use a colour code if you don’t wish; I just like to have the option for people who do.

roleplayerguild.com/posts/3641705

Juicing orc is best orc. Strength potion abuse is something I’ve never seen roleplaying, and it makes so much sense for the character. Really, kudos to @Lo Pellegrino for making that simple, but awesome, suggestion. It fits this character so well.

As we spoke about before, his ties to Orisinium are fine because he’s now an exile and doesn’t have any influence there, which was the initial concern. Now, he’s a common man with an uncommonly huge stature and a hell of a chip on his shoulder. This is one of the few characters I’ve seen I legitimately find to be scary, and that’s saying something considering the last roleplay was full of cosmic and body horror elements. 

His equipment all looks fine, you just may wish to mention how he carries it. Back pack, waist belt? Since he’s travelling a lot, he might also want stuff like a bed roll and some more supplies. 

His crime also made me smile. Who hasn’t wanted to punch their bad boss in the face, honestly?

I enjoy how Darth Maulakanth is basically a green version of The Mountain that Rides, being born bigger and more brutal than his siblings and knowing from day one he’d be  fighting his father for position of the Hand. It certainly explains why he’s so proficient and confident in his fighting skills; he was born and groomed in a society that prizes martial prowess and he’s the best there is at it. Also, holy shit; I’m not sure how I feel about him being bigger than his dad by 14, but I haven’t seen anything that suggests that’s not possible. I’ve known some abnormally large teenagers in my time. I like how he has this sense of destiny to him that makes him dangerous, but purposeful; there’s a very real order to him and he is ambitious but knows his place, and accepts that he will have to kill his father. As far as dead parent backstories go, it’s not often it’s the child who facilitates it, let alone as something almost akin to affection. 

It’s also fantastic that the minute he took power, he became a totally corrupt asshole who nobody liked or respected, just feared. It’s good his reign of power was short lived, both from a roleplay perspective (I’d rather player characters not be important figures of entire cultures for NPC and power reasons), and that if left unchecked, I have a feeling he would have done something really ambitious, like try to sack Markarth. It was Darth Maulakanth who ultimately reaped his own fate after two decades of being all but assured his position of authority; it’s anticlimactic as hell and I’m a sucker for proud, authoritative characters who have to eat their own hubris and start back from the bottom of the heap. I also enjoy how he’s kind of a big softie, deep down, you just might have to get punched half to death to see that part of him, or use the Konami Code of too much ale.

All in all, he’s great.

I love the little remark that she basically has Chun-Li thighs because of her time trekking through the snowy hellscape that is Skyrim; anybody who lives in a Northern country knows that feeling all too well.

Equipment all looks good, and you wrote down where it’s all kept! Good job. :D I also like the little descriptive test following each skill explaining how she uses it and learned it; it’s a little extra that I appreciate. Only thing is that pesky Speechcraft skill that I’ve mentioned 4 times so far writing all these critiques… I’m thinking I should have made a note somewhere. Whoops.

I’m not 100% sure if travel papers are really a thing, but I can see it being a wartime measure that some people might want to check and enforce to prevent spies. I just don’t imagine most people would have something like that.

I really like how her idyllic life never really manifested, and her infertility all but made her parents give up on her having much of a prospective future in the household even if they wanted to keep her close. Her two marriages are genuinely bittersweet for Quyan and with Kaden, horrific. They’re pretty realistic depictions, I think, and really show how fucked up of a concept arranged marriages can be. It’s a really humanizing element to the character that doesn’t feel exploitative, and I think it’s something that a lot of people can relate to, which makes it hit home in an awful way. It’s understandable why she’d want to escape her life and put as much distance between herself and another potential ruined marriage as she could. 

It’s funny how corpses end up being the swag bags of Tamriel, and it’s great how a mostly useless staff was what saved her life, and became something of a constant companion to her in the days to come. I can see how she’d grow sentimental about it, and it would be a sense of familiarity and warmth (no pun intended) in the uncertain days ahead. I also really like how you made the College really seem like an institution of learning, which seems like a dumb thing to say, but you really flesh it out and make it seem like she dabbled in all sorts of different subjects with different teachers until something clicked, and I hope to see her have a few memories related to the one healthy romance she had with Nephelle.

One thing that seems like a bit of a jump is how her field trips from the College go right into wiping out all sorts of dangerous lairs of evil doer territory. She’d never really had a violent encounter, so it just seems like she’s going from being a determined student to Buffy the Vampire Slayer without much fanfare. It’s certainly not really an issue, but maybe a brief paragraph kind of explaining what her first encounters were like out in the field, maybe with one of the head mages and encountering Draugr or some other surprise nasty thing that she had to defend herself from? It would also be kind of nice to find out exactly how she fell in with the Jarl; maybe the Jarl requested aid from the College about something and that started his professional relationship with Kiralla?

I also totally laughed out loud at “Furgur Blitzcloud” after Cindy and Snowflake. It’s like someone introducing their ponies as “Fuzzy, Snowball, and Skullcrusher”.

I really like Kiralla! Nicely done. Haz a cookie.

An altmer… in heavy armour.

WHAT IS THIS ABOMINATION?

Also, full disclosure? You are wonderfully descriptive in appearances. It alone tells me so much about the character and is super metaphorical with the tarnished imagery, except for the one thing he still upholds with his silver sword. Fantastic!

Y’know, this is the first time I can recall having a character application who remembers the Oblivion Crisis. Just reading about it from Cyrendil’s perspective is actually kind of chilling, especially since this is easily one of the most horrifying backstories I’ve read in a loooong time. I don’t say this lightly, but it actually struck a somewhat emotional chord with me; that’s some powerful imagery and it was very easy to put myself in Cyrendil’s shoes as he rushed home to find his brother. I salute you, good sir!

You can scarcely ask for a more clear and purposeful reason for devoting his life to the Vigilant. It’s incredible, but very believable, that the same drive that made him seek redemption is still going on, over 200 years later. The only thing I think I’d want to see with this sheet is some acknowledgement of the changing of the Imperial Dynasties, the Great War and what he thinks of the Aldmeri Dominion and what not. 200 years is a long time, and I’d like to see how it affected Cyrendil. The first 20 years are fantastic; the rest of it’s a bit rushed through, and I certainly don’t expect a  report of everything he’s done in the years following, but some accomplishments, things of note, any relationships, that kind of thing, would be appreciated.

Awesome start of a sheet!

"Yes.  Good.  You are such.  Pretty.  Soft.  Meat."

… Sorry. >_> First thing that popped in my mind.

Shackles? Cages? How’d you find out about my grade 3 classroom?! Also unrelated, but she reminds me of that chick from Brave, if she grew up on a steady diet of Slayer, Amon Amarth, and Suidakra. Awesome.

I enjoy that she came up from a well-educated, but extremely tedious background where she could only imagine what the wider world was like, although we aren’t really offered much of a glimpse of what it was like living with the Forsworn and with the Hargravens before she escaped. Although, following this, there’s a lot left unanswered. How did Nyssa, an isolated and presumably frail girl with no travel or survival experience, make it out of the Reach and the Forsworn’s grasp, and where did she go? How did she discover this cult, as well as get accepted? What exactly did she do in this cult, and what did she learn from it? It sounds like it was a transformative moment for her, and it would be really good to really understand what happened during that time; as for now, it’s really only hinted at and it would be good to really kind of explore this part of her story. We’re given the indication the cult is based out of Hammerfell, so what brought her to High Rock? 

I love her whole fighting style, how wild and unnatural it is, as befitting of someone who is both Forsworn and a disciple of Hermaeus Mora. The touches of how her magic seems corrupt is great, and I like the bit where she becomes a shrieking madwoman when backed into a corner. It’s different and I love the hell out of it.

I really like this  character! However, we do need more to go off of before we accept it, especially with a lot of other applicants. If you could flesh her out a bit more, I’d love to have you on the reserve roster to be called up when a spot opens up! There’s so much potential here, and it honestly pains me to have to say “Not yet”. Seriously, this has all the indications of a fantastic character I’d love to see brought to life and I hope I do!

Fiona by @Luminosity
Berich Macer by @Macro
Parasius Finch by @Spoopy Scary
Faruq by @Lo Pellegrino
Gaela Dunywyr by @idlehands
Maulakanth gro-Urgak by @Hank
Kiralla Lima by @DearTrickster
Cyrendil Grayfhar by @ConstableWalrus
Dervish Member

Let's get volatile

Status

Recent Statuses

Bio

Most Recent Posts
