Doc Doctor — Roleplayer Guild

@IcePezz

It's not like constant slapstick or an inability to take things seriously. Gonad is of a more subtle humor.

The closest comparison I can imagine is...

It's like an action movie character in the real world. He's full of the stupid clichés and doesn't really seem to grasp what it's like for others to have to deal with his shenanigans. A normal detective is boring, but an action detective always goes for the crazy, unecessary shit just because he can. That is Gonad. Why drive slowly through a parking lot when you can hit a nearby ramp at 120 and fly ninety feet into a fire hydrant?

Why seek shelter against the spells of an evil wizard and time your shots when you can just sprint up and punch him in the face whilst using the body of a dead henchman as a shield, leaving a trail of musky urine behind you to mark the territory?

I feel like using my main character for a fling or two, anybody up for some fun?

Power Level: Fully Flexible
Arena: 

Victory: Forfeit, Knockout, or Death
Wager: Unranked
Stipulation: The thread must start with the beginning of the fight, the circumstances leading up to which are to be left vague and unanswered, and neither competitor may I.C'ly call for a truce or draw. This is to avoid the characters becoming friends or having trouble initiating a match.


Name: Gonad Yaksplitter
Title: The Lord of the Rising Sun
Age: 34
Height: 7'2"
Weight: 499 pounds
Boxing Reach: 92"
Shoe Size: 24
Race: Human
Class: Warrior
Alignment: Chaotic Good
Eye Color: Hazel

Weapons and Equipment- His body, occasionally a set of thick six-kilo runite (a foreign metal of nigh-indestructible toughness) bracers and a pair of dragon gauntlets (a metal that is a tier above runite, also almost indestructible). He often wears the "Tzhaar-Kal-Ket", an incredibly rare and magical cloak bestowed upon those few in history who have triumphed over the brutal challenges of a powerful volcano-dwelling race. It is impervious to heat and cold, and incredibly durable to boot. He also keeps an enchanted "Inoculation Brace" on his ankle, a magical trinket which renders him immune to harmful toxins.


(Gonad with his bracers)

Appearance- Silhouetted against the burning passions of war, a figure stands tall, unmoving. His physique is as definitive as the gory victory with which his gruesome hands secure. Woven into his beard is a tapestry of blood, proclaiming the legendary tales of the countless scars adorning the sacred weapon, known as Gonad. For weapon he is, heated and hammered in the unquenchable fires of battle. 

Pure unadulterated muscle. Lean muscle that ripples under his flesh like the waves of the ocean. He has muscles on his muscles. Feet Muscles. Finger muscles. Muscles in places that muscles should not be. A grisly body resembling tanned granite that might as well have been chiseled by the gods. Bulging veins, thick and course. Tendons like steel cords. Fingers like blunt iron rods. Long, sinewy limbs crafted for naught but the deliverance of phenomenal destruction. His enormous yet supple frame moves with a primal grace, the likes of which are comparable only to the untamed beasts of the wild. 

His body is riddled with the innumerable wounds left by his combative livelihood. There are hundreds upon hundreds. Where the scars do not cover his body, coarse manly hair, thick and strong like steel wool, does.
He boasts a great dark gray beard speckled with the blood and bone flakes of his foes, flowing down his freakishly striated chest in thick, oily waves reminiscent of the River Styx. From it emanates the very stench of death and graverot, every bit as inescapable as his piercing glare. Within his single eye resides an undying flame, sizzling hotter than the arse-winds of Satan himself.

Personality- What attributes the primal organism known as "Gonad" bears are no different than the attributes of mother nature herself. Blood-tinged Westerlies carving jagged sluices along the tepid surface of a great and mysterious ocean, whose calm demeanor belies a vast and terrible capability. The wisdom of towering snow-capped mountains, whose interminable experience has been honed over countless millennia of wear and tear. The trepid balance between predator and prey, animal and man, intermingling to form a singular amalgamation of virile life. And yet, he maintains a feature apart from nature. Self-awareness. He lives only for pushing the boundaries of human strength and spirit, forcing himself beyond the utmost limit in extreme combat. He fears not death, nor pain, nor loss, for it is from these things that the vigor and strength of true manhood and honor spring. He revels in the pain, luxuriates in death, and basks in loss. He never will engage in dishonorable practices such as deception, and will not tolerate an unfair fight. Though he may oftentimes appear a comical fool, Gonad is truly just a simple man who very rarely premeditates an action, instead acting from the heart and without hesitation, following only the voice of his soul. 

Abilities/Skills- Revered by many as the greatest warrior to have ever lived, Gonad boasts tremendous dynamic and static strength and is capable of overpowering virtually any foe near his size. Above all else the strength in his hands is legendary, and so far no foe, living or dead, has succeeded in breaking his grip. He fights through experience and instinct, capable of reacting to attacks through muscle memory before he consciously registers them. Gonad is the supreme master of his own body, and can control its functions at will. He can use the full potential of his latent strength, constrict blood vessels to keep from losing fluids, and transmit senses other than sight through his visual cortex along with a plethora of other abilities. He is capable of touching and harming incorporeal or transdimensional entities by virtue of being too ignorant to know that he shouldn't. He witholds a vast array of rare and lethal wisdom and is said to know of over one-thousand ways to kill with his bare hands. Pain means nothing to him, and he can fight through most non-lethal injuries.
He is also imbued with a form of spiritual energy known as the Beardforce. It allows him to scale in physical might that his capabilities may be matched evenly in comparison to those of any foe significantly more powerful than him. Gonad's unarmed strikes are of the highest caliber, and taking into consideration the formidable equalization of the Beardforce, this means no foe in this realm or any other can easily withstand even one direct hit, much like how no human mortal may fairly survive a sword through the torso or a mace to the skull. The opposite stands true, however, as Gonad himself wears little armor and will never be more durable than any superhuman foe he faces.
Gonad is a grandmaster of the berserker arts and has an effectively limitless tolerance for pain. He can utilize three different forms of the technique, each one fiercer than the last. These three modes are Semi Berserk, Fully Berserk, and the preeminent Primal State. At his peak, he can generate such strength that his own muscles can tear themselves from his bones. When combined with the ability to create self induced hyposthenia within his body, bringing his muscles to the ultimate point of relaxation, Gonad can then contract them with the greatest amount of force that is physically possible. At the cost of having his very bones shatter from the overwhelming might of his own blows, Gonad can unleash attacks of such immensity that any entity on the receiving end of a direct hit gains an immediate and intimate understanding of what it feels like to be the fetus in a Mexican abortion.



Background- They say when the Barbarian called Gonad Yaksplitter was born, he came into this world bearing a full and mighty beard and had the equivalent muscles of a shaved adult yak. He was born on the battlefield, his infantile but well defined body gushing forth from the womb of his mother and landing in a puddle of blood that had been pooling from the corpse of a nearby enemy. It was in this way that Gonad had first been christened with the blood of his enemies. His mother, Chukka, had broken both legs in the battle and only she and her newborn son had survived the disastrous conflict. It had been a Barbarian war party, sent out from Gonad's home village which lay fifty-five miles East. 

Chukka was forced to crawl back using her hands and teeth, bearing Gonad on her back. Only by sustaining young Gonad with the meat of her placenta and the warm milk from her breasts was she able to keep him nourished during the arduous trip back. Using the prodigious length of young Gonad's beard, she was able to fashion a makeshift diaper to keep him from soiling her back. After two months, they managed to return to the village, much to the great joy of Chief Jarvi. Upon being shocked at the sight of Gonad's beard-diaper being removed, he promptly named muscular Gonad after his hefty namesake, and renamed their village after the miracle child. For many ages the Village of Gonad has been renowned for its strength, most often migrating around in the deep Wilderness. Gonad's birth was the very culmination of generations of hard-earned might, his destiny pre-determined by the selective breeding of his ancestors. Their intent? To create the ultimate physical human. And so they did.

Since before he could walk, Gonad was made to train in the berserker arts with a relentless fervor that surpassed common sense. Nearly every minute of every hour of every day of his life he endured the most excruciating physical and mental training imaginable, his talent for unarmed combat pushed well beyond the boundaries of reason. He bears as many scars from his training as he does from battle. Gonad has participated in thousands of individual fights, ranging from one on one bouts to full scale wars, and from his experience has even created his own fighting style, which he dubbed "Hefty Fist". 

As weakness had been beaten out of him at birth, it was not long before he became so well associated with hardship and pain that both feelings became an integral part of his personality. He enjoys agony and difficulty, and carries upon his shoulders the full weight of his village's pride and future. To Gonad, shame and fear are emotions that no longer exist. With adversity drilled into the very core of his being through unimaginable effort he shaped his mind into an unbreechable iron hull filled with undepletable reserves of determination. Though not by any means distanced from other negative emotions, he still bears them with neither complaint nor angst and has never allowed himself to feel regret.
Gonad now travels the land endlessly, seeking nothing more than worthy opponents to fight. He lives only for pushing the boundaries of human strength and spirit, pushing himself beyond the utmost limit in extreme combat. He fears not death, nor pain, nor loss, for it is from these things that the vigor and strength of true manhood and honor spring. He revels in the pain, luxuriates in death, and basks in loss. To fight for honor, the honor of both himself, and for the honor of those who are unable to defend themselves against the dishonorable. 
He has seen countless wars, killed countless enemies, made countless friends. To recount the barbarian's many adventures would be an exercise in futility, for the blood wrought odyssey of Gonad transcends time and experience.

Trivia- 

◾Gonad rarely calls people by their actual names, often using their physical appearance to give them a nickname such as Hood Man, Fancy Pants Lady, Pale Man, and Funny Beard. Those who have earned his utmost respect, however, are called by their true name.

◾Gonad's body is also so well trained, that with muscle memory he performs isometrics in his sleep. 

◾Gonad is almost entirely incapable of learning and/or doing anything that isn't related to combat, training, hunting, and women, the subjects in which he holds enough virtuistic ability to philosophize about. It took him two weeks to learn how to first use a doorknob, and he still hasn't learned how to read even a single word. He is utterly useless outside of his few areas of expertise.

◾Gonad is ambidextrous

◾Gonad's nose has been broken so many times, that all of the cartilage in it has deteriorated. He can push it completely flat against his face. He also has four false teeth crafted from ivory. 

◾Gonad rarely travels via boat or ship, opting instead to swim across great bodies of water.

Theme Music-

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