DruSM157

Pariah Online: A Voyage into the Intangible Aether

Location:The Riverside- The City of Thorinn, Aetheria

---

“So come on, boss. Buck up, let's get back up to that tavern. You've got some people to keep alive."

“There’s just no arguing with you guys, is there?” Benkei sighed and shrugged, getting up. It didn’t seem like he had a choice in the matter now; he was stuck with these guys. Not that it upset him; they’d worked together and stood by each other throughout that hellish dungeon and survived. They’d survive this as well.

“Alright, let’s go back.” He and Alja made their way back to the tavern, with Benkei making sure to approach both Alex, Kalie, Sif and Siegfried.

”I owe an apology to everyone, but I’ll start with you two. I was not being a great leader by letting my emotions and my relationship with my brother pushed me to fight with Graves, and I owe him an apology if-” he sighed as Alja nudged him, “when he returns. If we’re going to survive in this game, we’re going to need to stick together and rely on each other. That means being honest and be open to sharing what we have with each other. So, I’ll start by ripping this awful bandaid off: My name is Kazuma Hoshizawa, I’m 17 years old. The only real skills I have relate to the game, and I’ll be honest, I don’t do that great in school. My reputation in the game isn’t that great. I’ve been a big jerk to a lot of players in the past, and I have to grow past that. But I promise I will drop the shitty kid act, and I’ll do my best to treat everyone in this group with respect.”

It was a start, at least. He laid everything out in front of the remaining part of the group: complete strangers.

Pariah Online: A Voyage into the Intangible Aether

This post remains a reminder that I am a fucking idiot.

Pariah Online: A Voyage into the Intangible Aether

Location:The Riverside- The City of Thorinn, Aetheria

---

Benkei waved at the girl as she left, and mulled over Alja’s words.

Not gonna ask if you're okay, 'cause that's dumb. You're clearly not. Of course he wasn’t okay. None of them were. They were all stuck in this stupid game, they could die, and they were in the hands of game engineers. Their doom was practically certain.

If you want to talk, I'm always here. He didn’t want to talk. He wanted to jump into the river and just end it all now. But there was also the truth, bubbling up in his chest. All that self-loathing and anger, all exacerbated by the constant fighting and drama.

“You know what sucks? You call me boss, people call me a leader. But I’m not one. Hell, I’m not cut out for any of this. I’m a high-school kid. I’m barely making it through exams. I don’t deserve to be called boss, or leader, or anything like that. Everyone I know has some useful skill they can bring to the table. The only skill I ever had was playing this game, the kicker is, none of the controls work anymore. It’s all just physical feedback. What’s worse, is that if all of this ends, and we go back, I have to deal with the fact that I watched others die, then I go back to being treated like trash in my own house. If I stay here, I get killed by a goblin or a bat or a stupid stone golem.” Benkei groaned. There was no good choice. There was no escape from any of this.

”I thought for just one second, that maybe we could make this place better. That we could stick together and build a world for ourselves here. But then the moment I turn around everyone’s fighting, and then I start fighting too. It’s hopeless if this is how it’s going to be."

Pariah Online: A Voyage into the Intangible Aether

Location:The Riverside- The City of Thorinn, Aetheria

---

“The river helps doesn’t it? Makes you forget about everything for a minute.”

"Helps to try, I guess." Benkei couldn't even attempt to look friendly at this point. His emotions were too wild, and everything was rushing in his head. He wanted it to stop, but he knew there was no spell or potion to fix scars that deep.

“Imagine how hard it’s gonna be tomorrow, or the next day. My group thinks that it is only going to get worse.” She said, a little tinge in her voice as she did so. “What’s left of my group, anyway.”

“I’m sorry.” Benkei frowned. They weren’t the only ones to lose people. That was obvious anyways. “We lost several. Everyone’s still reeling--I…” he trailed off, looking down at the water. “I’m still reeling from it too. I thought I could strengthen everyone’s hopes and resolve with plans, to discuss a strategy on how to make the best of where we’re at. But tempers flared and I made things worse by running my mouth. So that dream is pretty much dead.”

“That bad, huh?”

Bad didn’t even begin to describe the monumental fuck-up that was Hoshizawa Kazuma. In less than a minute, he’d undone every plan that he’d spent the entire day working on, all the discussion, everything. And he knew he’d do it again if the situation was the same. He couldn’t back down from a fight if his brother was involved. It was his weakness; that the one person in the world that he would die for was stuck in this death game alongside him. “Yeah. It’s pretty awful.”

She nodded as she looked toward the sun, “People will come around. Fights are only normal when the stakes are high. Best we can do is try. We’re not gonna survive alone. I don’t know anything about your group, but, you were together for a reason right?

Survive? Did he even want to survive? What did he have back home waiting for him? Hell, would his mother even care that her son was most likely trapped? That he’d most likely die? Probably not. They’d probably put him away in a government run hospital, and sue the hell out of the game company. They’d take the cash, use it to buy whatever the hell they wanted, and they’d forget about him. If he lived? They’d tell him to get the hell out. If he died? They’d probably toast his death. What reason had his group joined together? It was ultimately a test. A test for him.

His stomach tightened into knots. Luci blamed Kazuki but he knew it was his fault. If Aaginim didn’t try to recruit him, they wouldn’t have gone into the dungeon and- He realized he’d been staring out into space for a few seconds. “It wasn’t much of a reason. And…” he sighed. “We were all together because of me. And three people died in that dungeon. So ultimately, when everyone really starts to think about it, everything is all my fault.”

“No, it isn’t. It’s whoever is hacking this game’s fault. You probably didn’t even notice things until you were already in the dungeon and you couldn’t turn back.” She looked at him, frowning, “You can’t blame yourself for a freak accident. Just like my cousin can’t keep blaming herself for what happened to us; and we weren't even in a dungeon. People died yesterday. For no reason.”

“You’re too positive.” Benkei grumbled, burying his face into his hands again and groaning. For him, there was no positivity, there was no silver lining. It was all his fault. And he was too much of a coward to take responsibility for it.

Pariah Online: A Voyage into the Intangible Aether

CW: Suicidal Thoughts

Location:The Laughing Warg Tavern - The City of Thorinn, Aetheria

---

Graves left. Kazuki left. And Benkei was left alone.

He felt the eyes on him. The cold stare of the matron, and the glares of other people. He’d gone off, like he always did. And this was the price he paid.

He preferred the beatings.

He turned away, not speaking to anyone else as he made his way towards the door as well. Not following anyone, just...leaving. Just finding somewhere else to be. All he felt right now were feelings of anger and shame, something he played Pariah to escape from. And yet, here they were, following him here too.

He didn’t look at Sif as he left, but he did say, “Sorry,” out loud to her as he passed her by. He didn’t want to see how she looked at him right now. Probably with disgust like everyone did.

I can’t believe I have to be saddled with that useless brat. At least Kazuki is going to that nice prep school. But Kazuma…

It’s fine Noriko. Once he graduates he won’t be your problem any more. Then we can focus on our family.

His mother thought he was busy studying in the other room. He’d kept quiet enough when he’d heard that. He’d always assumed she hated him. He existed as a way to avoid paying child support, after all. She’d shacked up with Kazuki’s piano tutor, and they’d planned on marrying after he graduated high school. After that, Kazuma assumed he’d no longer have a mother. Not that he had much of one to begin with.

But that was how it was. No one wanted him. No friends, no family--at least, outside of his older brother. And Kazuma assumed he was dragging him down as well. So it wouldn’t be long until Kazuki left him behind on Pariah as well. He had money, and an apartment. He had skills and fans. Kazuki didn’t need his little brother.

He walked through the streets, constantly eyeing the river that passed through Thorinn. His thoughts wandered to leaping into the river. That was the Japanese way when you’d brought shame upon yourself and your family, after all. To end it there. It’d be quick, and no one would really miss him.

He’d planned on leaping into the Sumida River after hearing his mother discuss her future plans with her lover. A phone call from Kazuki had instead taken up his time. He’d calmed down after talking to his brother and instead stayed at home. Thinking back to that moment, the self-destructive thoughts abated for now, and Benkei simply sat on the stone streets staring out over the Thoros River.

Why did Aaginim want him to lead? Why did everyone else follow him and listen to him. He wasn’t a leader. He buckled under pressure. He relied on other to get him out of problems. He made more problems then he helped. He was the weakest link out of the entire group. He buried his face into his hands and sighed deeply.

What the hell was he supposed to do?

Pariah Online: A Voyage into the Intangible Aether

Location:The Laughing Warg Tavern - The City of Thorinn, Aetheria

---

Benkei’s eyes widened. His heart rushed. His fist clenched and he was ready to punch that smug fucking gaijin in his stupid jaw. Every word that followed out of Graves’ stupid mouth just made Benkei’s heart pound. In the corner of his eye, he spied a glass of ale. Every instinct said to smash it in this ugly fucker’s face and-

"Stop."

Benkei stopped. "Stop. Please. He's--Graves is right. It is my fault."

No, that was wrong. What happened in that dungeon-

“Enough Kazuki.” Benkei looked around the room at the eyes focused on them. He met their cold gazes with the glare he’d done so well to define during his days yelling at shitty scrub players. ”I don’t know what the hell you two talked about to get so heated. And I don’t care.” Kazuki could have said the vilest shit and Benkei would have backed him up, even if he disagreed with it. Because he wasn’t going to watch his brother get yelled at, spat on, talked down to. That was what he had to deal with. The fights, the broken noses, the black eyes, the bruised ribs. That was his normal.

”What I do care about is your shitty insinuation that my brother caused Aaginim’s death.” Every word of that hurt. ”If you want to start throwing blame around, you’d best remember who agreed to go into that dungeon. We’re all to blame for going in there when everything felt off. Aaginim. Atlas. Enos. I killed them. You killed them. Every one of us killed them when we entered that fucking dungeon. Don't you dare imply that they're dead because of my brother. Because if you think you're high and mighty, remember that you would be dead before you even left the third room without him.”

What was Graves? Just another bigger guy. Just another person who fucking threw his weight about and beat up punks like himself. “And don’t you dare fucking think I’m going to sit around and watch someone stand over my brother and threaten him. I don’t care how strong you are or how big you think you are. If you have a problem with me or my family, we can take it somewhere else.”

Pariah Online: A Voyage into the Intangible Aether

Location:The Laughing Warg Tavern - The City of Thorinn, Aetheria

---

Raised voices. And now Graves was on his feet, looking like he was prepared to deck Kazuki.

His brother.

“Excuse me-” he said quickly to Sif, realizing he had to act fast. Right now everything he’d worked for was going up in smoke, and he had no idea why. Honestly, he didn’t care why. Someone was being aggressive to his family, and there was no way in hell he was going to stand by and watch this.

He felt a tremor in his hands. He forced it down. He had to force it down because right now Kazuki was in trouble and he wasn’t going to be a coward. He wasn’t going to collapse.

“Hey!” His voice rose higher than he wanted as he approached Graves’ flank. ”The owners already said to keep things civil in here.” His voice was less calm and more tinged with anger and venom. The fact that Graves of all people was pulling an aggressive card with his brothers-his brother-of all people was already out of the question. ”You need to walk away and cool your head before you cause trouble for everyone.” Benkei was serious. And not serious as he had been yesterday. This was a colder serious. The kind of attitude that followed with a thrown fist.

He’d been in enough fights. Lost enough too. But he’d be goddamned if he let someone push his family around.

Pariah Online: A Voyage into the Intangible Aether

Location:The Laughing Warg Tavern - The City of Thorinn, Aetheria

---

"Well, if we're discussing money and resources, I guess your brother would be useful as a pack mule. Almost as smart as one at least." Siegfried’s antics were met with the usual Benkei reaction: a muted response to the older man getting into worse trouble, as always.

“He’s smarter than he looks.” She remarked, giggling. “You should see him in the forge.”

So, Siegfried could do something other than stand around and complain while he got hit by enemies. Benkei actually felt a pang of surprise."Well, at least he could use that skill for some use. I wonder how many players focused on smithing." Benkei's brow furrowed. "I wonder what five hundred expert smiths would do to this world's economy."

“Before or after the inflation bubble bursts?”

Sif brought up a good question and something Bsnkei hadn't considered. Economics were far from his strong point, and it was nice to have someone else to discuss plans and theories with that wouldn't just nod or ignore him."You're right. Also, it's now even more mouths that will need to be fed." He thought back to her thoughts on their in-world needs. "Money scarcity is going to become a problem. Desperate players might resort to anything if they run out of gold."

“I suppose you don’t think many will take up farming.”

"My trade skill is in...uh...fishing, at least. But no, I don't think everyone's going to consider these factors like we are. A lot of people are going to think the game rules apply. They didn't see what we have." They needed to secure money, food and shelter. That was the first big hurdle. Kazuki was good at making money; something he didn’t put too much focus in. Not until now.

“That’s good in Thorinn. The Waking Sea is right there.” She said as she pulled out one of her books and opened it; an atlas. As she spoke she’d motion to each region on the map before them. “We’ll be able to survive here pretty easily. It’s not a desert like Iblenar or dense mountains like Theremia or Ktharia. Worst part about staying here is the humidity.”

He nodded and followed her as she discussed the various regions. “I agree we should focus on Thorinn first. But once we have ourselves established here, traveling to the other city states will be important; namely finding other players and also getting information that isn’t available here.” They were mapping out a plan, and everyone else was drinking, fighting and mumbling. At least he had Sif, Kazuki, and hopefully Alex and Graves on his side now. Seele also seemed to be someone he could count on, and with her, perhaps they could get Alja and Kalie on their side as well. Kalie would be enough of a carrot to bring Siegfried along, anyways.

“This might actually work,” he said, smiling at Sif.

Pariah Online: A Voyage into the Intangible Aether

Location:The Laughing Warg Tavern - The City of Thorinn, Aetheria

---

“Do you really think anyone is going to be the right state of mind to be consolidating knowledge like that?” Maybe not Mystic Prophecy. Maybe not those who were already broken and scared, crying to themselves that they were going to die. But they’d gone through tragedy and fear, and even if they struggled, they were still here, still working for something. That was worth...something, right? To just hide away and to pray that the glitch would be fixed was wishful thinking.

After all, how long would it take them in the real world? Hours? Days? Weeks? Time moved differently in Pariah. Hours in the real world were days in game. Would they have to wait in their perspective a month to be saved? Or a year?

“Maybe not everyone who has gone through a truly traumatic experience will want to help. I wouldn’t try and demand help from Luci, or Priscilica or Leaves. If you or your brother didn’t want to help, I would understand. But I think it’s a better plan than simply waiting around to be saved. Because...with things as dire as they are now, I don’t know when there could be a fix to get us out of the game. And i’d rather be proactive in learning what we can now before things get worse.”

Alja’s outburst, Rael’s comments, the others were already at each other’s throats. Sif’s words did strike him true; would anyone truly want to work together now? Especially after they were so easily brought to nearly attack each other? Benkei really wondered exactly how well his plans would work.

After all, his plans were good in theory but events like last night proved they weren’t perfect. Even the best plans were easily railroaded.

Pariah Online: A Voyage into the Intangible Aether

Location:The Laughing Warg Tavern - The City of Thorinn, Aetheria

---

“Just trying to figure out why… why Kazuki’s magic didn’t work.”

She’d had the same thought both he and Kazuki had. Of course she did. She was smart and that set her apart from many meathead players in Pariah. She went on to discuss her own theories and questions about why restorative magic didn’t work like it did before. Benkei was surprised that she’d even gone to look into similar books his brother had also invested in. Smart was too imprecise a word to describe her.

“You must think it’s stupid of me to think like this…” The self-flaggelation wasn’t uncommon for Benkei or his brother. They were Japanese, after all, and dishonor and shame were always on the tip of any serious parent’s tongues. Especially theirs.

“Stupid? No. Brilliant is a better word. It’s something Kazuki and I have also been discussing. Why do we now feel actual sensations, like hunger, pain, and our actual senses. Why is everyone suddenly able to get drunk?” Benkei had a wild look in his eye as he pondered these existential questions. “It’s like this world is a living system, but before the glitch we were only observers and casual manipulators of the world around us. Now after this glitch, we’re a part of the system too. The rules that governed our magic don’t apply anymore. At least, that’s my theory.

He looked around the room, nodding and glancing at those he knew. “How many players are still stuck in Pariah right now, I wonder. And of those players, how many of them have some useful skill or knowledge? I wonder how many players are in the medical field, or engineering field, or in a science field. We need to understand how this world works, but also we need to use the knowledge we have from the real world. If Pariah is a living system now, there are rules and laws. Laws for magic, but also laws for physics. Laws for biology. If we’re going to survive in this place until they can get us out, we need to use everything we have access to.”

Maybe he sounded stupid. Or crazy.