Recent Statuses

8 mos ago
Current It means a lot! I know with my setup and the games I play I’ll never make a dime off of streaming, but I always hope I can make an enjoyable time for those watching!
8 mos ago
Streamed for three hours and got 14 different viewers! That was an exciting new milestone for me. I know weird janky cult games aren’t everyone’s cup of tea but it’s fun to stream them.
8 mos ago
Phew, another huge JRPG beaten. Time to waste time making a proof of concept on how to turn it into a workable rp now. Because I have the bad brain.
8 mos ago
Star Wars is dumb, and the dumbest thing is the near religious fervor fans get over the movies. It's just people in rubber masks, CGI suits playing space samurai wizards and cowboys.
8 mos ago
Sorry for like the 5 or 6 folks that have been waiting for me in RPs. Just need some time to myself to get away from a lot of toxicity at the moment. Remember to take care of yourselves.
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Hi, I'm Drew, and welcome to my bio on my profile.

Why are you here? There's nothing to see. Go home.

Oh you're still here. Reading. Like a weirdo. Well that's okay. I'm a weirdo too. I guess I'll give you a little list to look at.

The Drew Shit

Video Games

Small Children
Rude Attitudes
Your mom

Does that satisfy your Drew cravings? Please tell me it does. What else do you want to know? My roleplays?

Fine fine. You may remember me from such RPs as:

NCQ Polaris A New Anchorage Story As Alan Fouren

MHA: You Can Become a Hero! As Shun/A Co-GM

Final Fantasy Crystallum en Absentia As Edgar/The GM

Everbrook: A Teenage Mystery as Will/The GM

I also sometimes make RPs. Usually weird sci-fi or fantasy things. With a twist and usually a refreshing kick of lime. So yeah if you see a poorly structured, ugly interest check, you can bet your nancy booties that I am probably the guy who made the IC. Or I pressured Inkarnate into making the IC. I'm a pretty shit friend like that.

What, do you want some music too? No. You don't get music. Go home already. Unless you're cute and you have a nice butt. Then you can...hang out here I guess. It's the internet, what do you expect me to do, put my Minecraft bed next to yours? Degenerate.

Uh. Here. Have a song I like: Lakeside View Apartments Suite.

Just listen to that and leave me alone now.

Please, god, just leave me alone. I am a self-destructive piece of shit that makes everyone around me miserable and worried. You're far better off finding someone else to...I don't even know what you're doing at this point. Stalking? Scoot. Just scoot.

Most Recent Posts

Location: The Laughing Warg Tavern-- The City of Thorinn, Aetheria

“If you want answers, you’re going to have to find someone who is involved on the tech side of the game that happened to be logged in when the glitch happened.”

Benkei grimaced at that thought. How many actual techs from the company actually entered the game? Did they need to have people acting as moderators in world? He’d not had to deal with anyone of the sort during his time playing, but surely there had to be someone. ”I’m sure that announcement they made earlier was a one-way communication. With all of the game UI gone, there’s no way to actually contact someone.”
And another question, or perhaps, another fear began to awaken in the back of his mind. What about other players who were already giving into despair? If they knew someone was a moderator, or an employee of Pariah’s company, what would they do? When people were shocked or scared, they acted out. They acted wild. They hurt people.

Benkei’s head perked up as he heard his other companions also talk about the same issue, and he waved them to join Sif and him at their table. If they were willing to discuss this, then they could build some working plan to understand exactly what was going on. With Alja as friendly as she was, perhaps she knew someone.

Location: The Laughing Warg Tavern-- The City of Thorinn, Aetheria

“Whoever hacked the system is breaking everything down. I just don’t understand why or how.”

That was the question. In a system like Pariah, how did one go about hacking a system that most tech nerds still didn’t understand. The idea of connecting unconscious minds, and connecting them to a server of sorts that held a shared dream had always rubbed Benkei the wrong way. How was the dream created? How did it remain stable?

“Everything about this smells bad.” Benkei added. It was enough to make him paranoid. After the events in the dungeon, he’d not slept well. He’d tossed and turned, his technical mind needed to understand what was going on, but everything was so beyond his understanding. He hated feeling like this, feeling completely disconnected and unaware. A victim of the whims of fate of the world. ”How does anyone go about hacking a dream? That’s where his thoughts focused: how do you hack a dream. And if that was impossible, then how did the world get hacked? Either this wasn’t truly a dream, or this wasn’t a hack.

Location: Belsia Sea, AW 15

The boy felt the wind whip through his shaggy brown hair and tasted salt on his tongue. The wooden canoe he sat in bounced against the waves; well, it was the best description as Old Man Fionello and his sons had shown it around the town that day. Installed above the “canoe” were pieces of wood and wire and cloth; creating a sort of canopy overhead. They’d called it a “flying machine” to which the boy and the others scoffed at it. Man was born of the earth and belonged there. But when Brio and Marco took the machine into the air off the Belsia Sea, they’d made believers out of everyone there.

The sight of the ship breaking from the waves, and then taking into the sky had been dramatic. It had truly been magical for him. He had to try it out. And so, after arguing and fighting with the Fionello family, he found himself sitting in this canoe behind Brio, the younger Fionello brother.

“Are you ready, Ludo?”

He shook his head yes.

The metal machine above them (an engine powered by those crystal pieces of Silvenite that many of the men of the village had left to mine) roared to life. Air and smoke spat out as it shook the entire vehicle with its motions, and the large wooden propeller in front began to spin faster and faster. They lurched forward, and Ludo felt his stomach sink back from the sudden speed.

And then they broke from the waves. Ludo’s heart soared as he looked out to see the sea part from the wooden canoe. It was truly magic. And Ludo knew where his destiny lie.

Location: Isla de Serpente, Southern Belsia Sea, AW 32

The man smoked the last of his hand-rolled cigarettes, puffing a fine mist of smoke from his mouth. Money had been tight this month, and he knew that with the talk of war in the northern nations, money would soon be even tighter.

“Ey, Ludocinni,” one of the older men in the bar called to the man in a mocking tone. “How the hell are you gonna pay me back for all that Silverino if you can’t find work this month?” In the past five years, many of the mines of the coastal areas had shut down, forcing the region to import their Silventite from the northern nations. And after Holsta’s armies had attacked their neighbor Monstu; things were looking worrisome for international trade.

“I’ll find work,” Ludo responded, though his left hand shook slightly. It had shaken since he was nineteen and received a bullet through his hand while he flew a mission over Karst. He’d nearly been shot down but had somehow crawled along at a low altitude towards friendly territory. Back then he’d been a soldier. He’d believed in his country and what they fought for. Being young afforded stupidity. And while his left hand had been badly scarred and half-functioning, he’d still walked away with his life. The same could not be said for many of his old comrades.

So Ludo had taken to the seas, flying down into the Belsian Sea, where the free city-states resided among the hundreds of small islands in the gorgeous sea. He’d been born in a coastal town on the same sea, and he supposed the Belisan Sea was as much his nation as old Riccondo was.

No, this was his home now. The Serpent Islands snaked around the central area of the sea and had become a major trading hub and tourist attraction in the area; as well as a hub of crime and piracy. That’s where pilots like Ludo were brought in: mercenaries who could offer protection, rescue, or even entertainment when the need arose. But with pressure from the northern nations; and the threat of annexation by Riccondo, people had been more afraid to hire daring mercenaries. Even the local pirates were beginning to suffer.

Ludo simply looked out the dirty mirror of the cafe, staring out at the glistening sea. It didn’t matter what the politics were, nor did it matter what jobs came. For him, the sea and sky meant freedom; freedom from the problems of land and the problems of men.

And that’s where he belonged.

Location: The Laughing Warg Tavern-- The City of Thorinn, Aetheria

For every word that the denizens spoke, Benkei held on intently. He’d spent countless hours around denizens, and none of them ever spoke the way Dariel did. The fact that he actually interjected what Sif had brought up, and gave his own opinion on things…

There was no way this was scripted. It was too focused, too particular, too familiar. Too human. Kazama had played countless games during his youth. He knew the separation between game and reality, and it fell many times with the NPC and world of the game. Hard as many developers tried, there were always the limitations that brought a player back to reality. He never thought exactly why he enjoyed the game so much, but he began to realize that it was not simply the polish of Pariah, but how perfectly crafted the world always seemed.

“I don’t think I’ve ever tried flatcakes,” Benkei said agreeably to Dariel. “I’ll have some, thank you.” He then stood up, and gently took Sif’s arm and shoulder into his hands. “Let’s talk.” he said quickly, leading her back to her table, where he sat uncomfortably close to the girl.

“There’s something wrong here.” He whispered to her, a mix of panic and excitement in his voice. ”The way these denizens are wouldn’t be aberrant game scripting. They’re thinking.”

Sif began to protest; after all the tagline of Pariah was “make your dreams a reality.” It was a system that, as they advertised, connected players to a connected “dream” where they all played. Benkei always believed it was a complete bullshit lie. Dreams? What was this, some fantasy world?

“I don’t know anything about the tech to understand the whole ‘connecting dreamers together’ aspect of it. But if you make it a game there has to be some aspect of control. Suddenly the denizens are unshackled, they can hurt us.” He gave a quick glance at Arie, then back to Sif. “It’s more…real than a dream.” What controlled the denizens? Could it be an advanced AI? The tech that went into Pariah was pretty incredible, but to give that much autonomy to a single, that made no sense at all. An AI system that powerful would require an entire city block's worth of power. Perhaps even an entire city.

Were they something like the company’s in-game GMs, forcibly roleplaying? No, that made no sense either. This was an emergency. Even if their job was to act, situations like this would cause that facade to drop.

”I think…” Benkei’s eyes became wide with a sudden realization. A sense of horror overwhelmed his mind. ”I’m scared to say. But you see it too, don’t you?” He thought back to the English textbook they’d read during his middle school class. It was by some weirdly named British author, about some detective or doctor or something. But there was a line he distinctly remembered, and it was something that he could not get out of his head. When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.

Pariah wasn’t a game. But then, the horror that plagued Benkei’s mind opened up into a new question of terror: What the hell was this?

Location: The Laughing Warg Tavern-- The City of Thorinn, Aetheria

They’d all exchanged pleasantries, and the air of the tavern began to change from tense to relaxed again. Benkei did his part to treat his allies to food and drink, though kept his own servings simple: water, bread and meat. He was still in high school, after all, and did not want to break the “law” regardless of the rules of this world.

“So, I suppose Rael went after Graves. But where is Seele?”

She went after Kazuki.

“Does anyone have any idea where they all went?”’ He frowned. “Kazuki could very well go back to his apartment in town, though I don’t know if he would with Seele in tow.” Was his brother secretly a casanova? Would he wine and dine and seduce the young witch? He knew his older brother was cooler and wiser than he, but was he his popular phase?

“I don’t know where Graves and Rael could have gone. They’re both loners, after all. The only others around here they possibly know are probably in Mystic Prophecy…”

Location:The Riverside- The City of Thorinn, Aetheria

So come on, boss. Buck up, let's get back up to that tavern. You've got some people to keep alive."

“There’s just no arguing with you guys, is there?” Benkei sighed and shrugged, getting up. It didn’t seem like he had a choice in the matter now; he was stuck with these guys. Not that it upset him; they’d worked together and stood by each other throughout that hellish dungeon and survived. They’d survive this as well.

“Alright, let’s go back.” He and Alja made their way back to the tavern, with Benkei making sure to approach both Alex, Kalie, Sif and Siegfried.

”I owe an apology to everyone, but I’ll start with you two. I was not being a great leader by letting my emotions and my relationship with my brother pushed me to fight with Graves, and I owe him an apology if-” he sighed as Alja nudged him, when he returns. If we’re going to survive in this game, we’re going to need to stick together and rely on each other. That means being honest and be open to sharing what we have with each other. So, I’ll start by ripping this awful bandaid off: My name is Kazuma Hoshizawa, I’m 17 years old. The only real skills I have relate to the game, and I’ll be honest, I don’t do that great in school. My reputation in the game isn’t that great. I’ve been a big jerk to a lot of players in the past, and I have to grow past that. But I promise I will drop the shitty kid act, and I’ll do my best to treat everyone in this group with respect.”

It was a start, at least. He laid everything out in front of the remaining part of the group: complete strangers.

This post remains a reminder that I am a fucking idiot.

Location:The Riverside- The City of Thorinn, Aetheria

Benkei waved at the girl as she left, and mulled over Alja’s words.

Not gonna ask if you're okay, 'cause that's dumb. You're clearly not. Of course he wasn’t okay. None of them were. They were all stuck in this stupid game, they could die, and they were in the hands of game engineers. Their doom was practically certain.

If you want to talk, I'm always here. He didn’t want to talk. He wanted to jump into the river and just end it all now. But there was also the truth, bubbling up in his chest. All that self-loathing and anger, all exacerbated by the constant fighting and drama.

“You know what sucks? You call me boss, people call me a leader. But I’m not one. Hell, I’m not cut out for any of this. I’m a high-school kid. I’m barely making it through exams. I don’t deserve to be called boss, or leader, or anything like that. Everyone I know has some useful skill they can bring to the table. The only skill I ever had was playing this game, the kicker is, none of the controls work anymore. It’s all just physical feedback. What’s worse, is that if all of this ends, and we go back, I have to deal with the fact that I watched others die, then I go back to being treated like trash in my own house. If I stay here, I get killed by a goblin or a bat or a stupid stone golem.” Benkei groaned. There was no good choice. There was no escape from any of this.

”I thought for just one second, that maybe we could make this place better. That we could stick together and build a world for ourselves here. But then the moment I turn around everyone’s fighting, and then I start fighting too. It’s hopeless if this is how it’s going to be."

Location:The Riverside- The City of Thorinn, Aetheria

“The river helps doesn’t it? Makes you forget about everything for a minute.”

"Helps to try, I guess." Benkei couldn't even attempt to look friendly at this point. His emotions were too wild, and everything was rushing in his head. He wanted it to stop, but he knew there was no spell or potion to fix scars that deep.

“Imagine how hard it’s gonna be tomorrow, or the next day. My group thinks that it is only going to get worse.” She said, a little tinge in her voice as she did so. “What’s left of my group, anyway.”

“I’m sorry.” Benkei frowned. They weren’t the only ones to lose people. That was obvious anyways. “We lost several. Everyone’s still reeling--I…” he trailed off, looking down at the water. “I’m still reeling from it too. I thought I could strengthen everyone’s hopes and resolve with plans, to discuss a strategy on how to make the best of where we’re at. But tempers flared and I made things worse by running my mouth. So that dream is pretty much dead.”

“That bad, huh?”

Bad didn’t even begin to describe the monumental fuck-up that was Hoshizawa Kazuma. In less than a minute, he’d undone every plan that he’d spent the entire day working on, all the discussion, everything. And he knew he’d do it again if the situation was the same. He couldn’t back down from a fight if his brother was involved. It was his weakness; that the one person in the world that he would die for was stuck in this death game alongside him. “Yeah. It’s pretty awful.”

She nodded as she looked toward the sun, “People will come around. Fights are only normal when the stakes are high. Best we can do is try. We’re not gonna survive alone. I don’t know anything about your group, but, you were together for a reason right?

Survive? Did he even want to survive? What did he have back home waiting for him? Hell, would his mother even care that her son was most likely trapped? That he’d most likely die? Probably not. They’d probably put him away in a government run hospital, and sue the hell out of the game company. They’d take the cash, use it to buy whatever the hell they wanted, and they’d forget about him. If he lived? They’d tell him to get the hell out. If he died? They’d probably toast his death. What reason had his group joined together? It was ultimately a test. A test for him.

His stomach tightened into knots. Luci blamed Kazuki but he knew it was his fault. If Aaginim didn’t try to recruit him, they wouldn’t have gone into the dungeon and- He realized he’d been staring out into space for a few seconds. “It wasn’t much of a reason. And…” he sighed. “We were all together because of me. And three people died in that dungeon. So ultimately, when everyone really starts to think about it, everything is all my fault.”

“No, it isn’t. It’s whoever is hacking this game’s fault. You probably didn’t even notice things until you were already in the dungeon and you couldn’t turn back.” She looked at him, frowning, “You can’t blame yourself for a freak accident. Just like my cousin can’t keep blaming herself for what happened to us; and we weren't even in a dungeon. People died yesterday. For no reason.”

“You’re too positive.” Benkei grumbled, burying his face into his hands again and groaning. For him, there was no positivity, there was no silver lining. It was all his fault. And he was too much of a coward to take responsibility for it.

CW: Suicidal Thoughts

Location:The Laughing Warg Tavern - The City of Thorinn, Aetheria

Graves left. Kazuki left. And Benkei was left alone.

He felt the eyes on him. The cold stare of the matron, and the glares of other people. He’d gone off, like he always did. And this was the price he paid.

He preferred the beatings.

He turned away, not speaking to anyone else as he made his way towards the door as well. Not following anyone, just...leaving. Just finding somewhere else to be. All he felt right now were feelings of anger and shame, something he played Pariah to escape from. And yet, here they were, following him here too.

He didn’t look at Sif as he left, but he did say, “Sorry,” out loud to her as he passed her by. He didn’t want to see how she looked at him right now. Probably with disgust like everyone did.

I can’t believe I have to be saddled with that useless brat. At least Kazuki is going to that nice prep school. But Kazuma…

It’s fine Noriko. Once he graduates he won’t be your problem any more. Then we can focus on our family.

His mother thought he was busy studying in the other room. He’d kept quiet enough when he’d heard that. He’d always assumed she hated him. He existed as a way to avoid paying child support, after all. She’d shacked up with Kazuki’s piano tutor, and they’d planned on marrying after he graduated high school. After that, Kazuma assumed he’d no longer have a mother. Not that he had much of one to begin with.

But that was how it was. No one wanted him. No friends, no family--at least, outside of his older brother. And Kazuma assumed he was dragging him down as well. So it wouldn’t be long until Kazuki left him behind on Pariah as well. He had money, and an apartment. He had skills and fans. Kazuki didn’t need his little brother.

He walked through the streets, constantly eyeing the river that passed through Thorinn. His thoughts wandered to leaping into the river. That was the Japanese way when you’d brought shame upon yourself and your family, after all. To end it there. It’d be quick, and no one would really miss him.

He’d planned on leaping into the Sumida River after hearing his mother discuss her future plans with her lover. A phone call from Kazuki had instead taken up his time. He’d calmed down after talking to his brother and instead stayed at home. Thinking back to that moment, the self-destructive thoughts abated for now, and Benkei simply sat on the stone streets staring out over the Thoros River.

Why did Aaginim want him to lead? Why did everyone else follow him and listen to him. He wasn’t a leader. He buckled under pressure. He relied on other to get him out of problems. He made more problems then he helped. He was the weakest link out of the entire group. He buried his face into his hands and sighed deeply.

What the hell was he supposed to do?

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