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Bleach: A New Dawn

Zane620 said
Check last page dude XD I said what I found wrong near the bottom

Or the post below this one ^^

Bleach: A New Dawn

DeathstrokeSW said
Revised CS: Name: Kenny (no other name known.)Appearance: a Soul Reaper gi with no shirt, short-cropped hair and a black hood with a mask covering everything from nose to collarbone, and hands wrapped from forearm to knuckle in black cloth. He is EXTREMELY built. Scars crisscross his torso and he is missing his left eye. He has never bothered to put a patch over the eye, and has no eyelid for that socket. Age: (Keep it sensible! Think of it like this. 10 Shinigami years equal 1 of our years so a 19 year old would be 190. Just what we go by) 240Height: 6’3Weight: 265Hair Colour: BlackEye Colour: GreenRace: ShinigamiRank: Unseated, but I hope to rise to captain. Spiritual Energy Colour: BlackPersonality: Outside of battles, Kenny is hard to pin down to any one personality type, and prefers to stay within the Seireitei's library rather than interact with others due to a dislike of conversation. He is a loner by some accounts, preferring to keep a small circle of friends rather than a large social set. In battles he possesses a quiet, calm rage that allows him to rage at his opponent in a tactical, analytical mind. He is sadistic against opponents, largely as psychological revenge for the beatings he received prior to entering the academy. History: Kenny does not remember much of his life before coming to the Academy; he cannot even remember his real name, only the persistent beatings and rough life in the Rukongai. What he does remember is admiring the captains of the Gotei 13, and in particular remembers seeing a move he would later learn was Hado #90. From then on, he set his goals: become a captain and learn the Hado that had fascinated him for what little of his life he remembers. His goals were not met by all with welcome arms; he was beaten almost routinely by the more priveledged for aspiring so high. They did not know that his dreams would allow him to see beyond the hell that was the roughest part of the Rukongai, and achieve the strength needed to rise above and become captain. However, once inside the academy, Kenny was welcomed and he acclimatised to life there quickly, being trained as if his life depended on it. He excelled at Hado and close quarters combat, while showing some skill in sword fighting. Eventually he came under the purview of the former squad 11 captain and was offered a place there upon graduation. Kenny accepted and threw himself into his studies with two goals in mind: become captain and master Hado #90: Kurohitsugi. During a training incident, however, he lost his left eye. In response, he beat the other student to a bloody pulp with his bare hands, despite the other boy being on the fast track to Lt. Captain. It was a feat which largely impressed his instructors, and in particular the man who taught him Kido. At graduation, he received his Zanpakuto, learning his name within 5 days. Despite being unseated, the man shows promise. Other:~Zanpakuto~Zanpakuto name: Sankontessuo(Iron Reaver)Type: CombatZanpakuto Shikai Release command: ReapSpirit Appearance: Inner world: Sealed appearance: Shikai appearance: Bankai appearance: Shikai skills:(Start off with no Shikai or 4 to 5 Shikai skills)1. Fear inducement(minor, but all it does is the equivalent of an increased heartrate) there are the after effects of being fearful of Sankontessuo's wielder for the duration of 6 posts, with a cool down of 3 posts. 2.a slash similar to a getsuga tensho in function.(one post cool down/1 post duration.) It is named Shadow wave or Kage no nami3. Increased speed by 20%4. Darkness generation similar to what Tosen was able to do but without the sensory deprivation, rather, it simply forces the battlefield to shrink to a more intimate level by way of illusion. Lasts for entire battles but cannot be used for 6 posts afterwards. Takes 6 posts to be able to use. As yet, Sankontessuo has not revealed the name of this move to him. As a result its effectiveness is reduced by 50%. 5.6.7.8.Bankai skills:1. 2. 3. 4.5. 6. (Ultimate Skill) Non-lethal Zanpakuto Skills: instigates fear.SkillsZanjutsu: ShitonegashiKido:Tsuzuri RaidenHakuda:TesshōHoho:ShunpoPoints gained from missions:Mission log:Points spent and skills gained:

Looks better atleast.

Just a few things about the history:

1. I doubt anyone privileged would want to kick his ass just because he wants to join the Gotei 13, especially since at a time like this they can use all the help they can get. And since a Captain (Kenpachi) started from the slums and probably became one of the, if not the, strongest member of the Gotei 13. Just saying, just a tiny nit-pick, but it's not something you have to change.

2. Don't understand why someone would want to take his eye in a training session.....This again is just a nit-pick, but I just don't understand that part....

3. At graduation, he received his Zanpakuto, learning his name within 5 days. Despite being unseated, the man shows promise.

Although you probably wouldn't unlock your Shikai by instructors training, I'm 99.9% sure you have your Zanpakuto while in the academy.....Which is why you would learn Zanjutsu.....So, yeah, that's that.

Abilities I still think you could write better, but here goes nonetheless.

Fear inducement(minor, but all it does is the equivalent of an increased heartrate) there are the after effects of being fearful of Sankontessuo's wielder for the duration of 6 posts, with a cool down of 3 posts - I would make the cool down more fair/a bit higher, but I'd say after the fear inducement wore off then the cooldown starts....That's just me though. This is probably something I should have opinions on.

a slash similar to a getsuga tensho in function.(one post cool down/1 post duration.) It is named Shadow wave or Kage no nami - Kurisa stated he wants atleast a two post cool down for the max cool downs to avoid spamming post after post. Since this ability isn't really on effects and is just a blunt attack I'd give it about a two - four cool down, personally.

Darkness generation similar to what Tosen was able to do but without the sensory deprivation, rather, it simply forces the battlefield to shrink to a more intimate level by way of illusion. Lasts for entire battles but cannot be used for 6 posts afterwards. Takes 6 posts to be able to use. As yet, Sankontessuo has not revealed the name of this move to him. As a result its effectiveness is reduced by 50% - I understand that the point may be so the opponent has limited amount of room to move (By illusion), but the whole battle and then just a six post cool down to use again? No, absolutely not. What'll make it more fair is that it's an ability he can use once per day, then the whole battle shrinking area thing would be fair. Or give a post duration on how long the ability lasts, then have it have a six post cool down.

Bleach: A New Dawn

Zane620 said
No I actually went and read his skills and I know Kurisa wanted the one that was like Gestuga Tenshou to be a 2 post cool down just so he didnt wait one post and do it again then wait and do it again. and his last one confuses me a bit, like it last the entire battle? it is just weaker?

Yeah, was gonna comment on that in my deduce post o3o

Bleach: A New Dawn

Zane620 said
I was gonan say something but you got dis XD

Nah, say somethin' homie.

Bleach: A New Dawn

I don't give a flippity fruit snack motherfucker, and I'm deducing now o3o

Bleach: A New Dawn

Zane620 said
School laptop, I cant do that young one XD

Ah.

Zane620 said
Oh yeah XD Yeah dude I know you like that hado, but you need to be the required rank to learn it, and I doubt their is a smaller verzion of any Hados XD

This ^^

And as it's a highly powerful technique, I doubt they'd just let anyone research it and create their own variation of it *Cough*Sōsuke*Cough*

Bleach: A New Dawn

Zane620 said
Looks much better to me, but all our gms are currently offline so, you will have to wait a bit until one of them checks it.

Fuck you Zane, I'm looking at it. Get your ass on Skype and maybe you'd know that <.< little shit >.>

Bleach: A New Dawn

"Breaking orders? So there's someone giving orders? That could probably explain that Hollow attack," Ayashi said as she walked into the black portal thingy of death and justice alongside Yu and entered the Soul Society. She helped hold him up as they walked, "So I imagine no telling Shinji about your.....You know....Outrage?" she asked as she made sure the necklace around Yu was still on and tight. She walked into the Squad one barracks and headed towards the Captain's office, kicking away the people who got in their way.

Bleach: A New Dawn

Upon searching Ayashi had found the necklace and kept it tight in her hand, looking back up she noticed Yu falling and two arrancars leaving. She didn't even notice him, she felt stupid for not paying attention. Shunpo'ing over to Yu on the ground, she knelt beside him and helped him up quickly putting the necklace back on him once he was up. "Are you ok?" Ayashi asked before scanning him....Well, atleast he'd survive, "I should have been faster so I could have helped you," she mumbled as she grabbed his hand, "Let's just go alright? Before anymore show up, we have to report this...."

Bleach: A New Dawn

Zane620 said
As the man dodged his kick he threw the right side of his body towards him throwing a punch at his face, Hollow Yu instantly thew up his arm towards his face to block the punch, and went skidding back from the force of the hit itself, lowering his arms, you could see a grin on his face. "I agree! It was no fun cramped up in this body! You better give me one hell of a show Red head!" Yu said lunging at the man before he shunpoed behind him as he swung his Shikai downwards at the man, the mask on Yu's face was also slowly growing more to fully complete itself.

Looking up, she saw the arrancar attack Yu in which he blocked it. Good, though not really good. She continued looking for the necklace, not finding it in the area she was in. Her mind then wondered back to when he first got hit by the Hollow, and how he seemed like he was in pain. The area wasn't that far away, hopping she wasn't seen, she silently ran towards that area gripping her Zanpakuto. She had managed to get to the area Yu had fallen, there was a bit of rubble but she could handle it. She hopped the necklace was there as she began looking.