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6 yrs ago
Current Imagine thinking a root beer other than A&W is the best
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7 yrs ago
Shut the fuck up nerds
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8 yrs ago
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8 yrs ago
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Goomie



Humans~ humans~ all over the ground~! Pick em up, carry them around~!


The evacuation alarms blared as Goomie emerged from the ocean, burbling incoherently as she sang her human song and got ready for the night. A slimy hand slammed onto a bunch of humans desperately trying to run into the shelter, sucking them up into her body where they were safe and secure. They would probably hold their breath for a while, until their bodies forced them to fill their lungs with Goomie's sweet sweet slime~! At that point they'd probably stop struggling and calm down, as her body kept them satiated and calm while she found even more cute pets for her house~! Though calling it a house was a bit of an overstatement, as it was really more of an island, but that didn't matter! Goomie's house was Goomie's house, and all her pets loved living there and playing with her~! Those who couldn't make it to the shelters were swiftly rolled over, the tidal wave of slime sweeping up any stragglers on the street and depositing them all throughout her body while digesting anything useless and not cute like cars or rubble.

The doors of a shelter began to close but not before Goomie shoved her hand into the closing gates, grasping and clawing at whatever humans were inside. Even a single touch would stick them to her "fingers", sucking them into the endless goop no matter how hard the other civilians tried to pull them out. Sometimes she even got two for one when someone just wouldn't let go, score~! It was really quite horrific from everyone else's perspective, seeing this absolute flood of slime sucking in their friends and family, screaming until finally their heads were sucked in and they were left in total silence. Goomie pawed around for a little while to see if anyone else was inside, eventually satisfied with the dozen or so she had managed to get, withdrawing her hand from the now broken doors.

Humans~ humans~, hiding all around~! Pick em up, make sure they're bound~!
William Flur
The New Magus of Flowers



William nodded as Caster explained, an amused glint in his eyes as he listened. "I see I see. That must be why my jokes aren't hitting as hard, and why I'm not as dazzling as usual. This is quite the predicament indeed." He sighed as the group moved, what an exhausting day! First a crazy oni trying to kill him, then a crazy Assassin trying to kill him, and now Hercules was actually not Hercules but someone who was making the world fall apart? "Well then Berserker, Saber, Caster, I wish you all the best of luck! I would support you, but I get the feeling this is something I shouldn't interfere in for once!" He laughed, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly as the Servants made their way to the battlefield.

'Eh...a warrior's work is never done, is it? I'd headed to the Academy. And you, you complete fool of a man, stay the hell with the Caster and DON'T CAUSE ANY DAMN TROUBLE OR I WILL LEGITIMATELY CASTRATE YOU. Plus I will need the mana you provide for this new fight.

And for future notice: Don't go drawing in more literally damned GREAT DISASTERS OF JAPAN like that oni again either!

So stay still a don't make this even harder on me tonight than it has been, ok? Sheesh...


William simply smiled and nodded as Yamato spoke to him, sitting down and chuckling lightly. This was normal for the duo already, a constant comedy skit as Yamato played the straightwoman and William ever the joker, ever the fool. At least, that's how it appeared on the outside. As William stared at the back of his Servant, he responded within their mental link. His tone, it held no trace of mirth, no whimsical edge, no prankster's lilt. It almost didn't sound like William at all really, one could almost say he didn't sound like a human.

No no, no human could sound so cold, yet so passionate. So detached, yet focused. Thousands of contradictions and double negatives, opposites and contrasts, a layer of the fool William peeling away as he showed just a hint of his true self.

You do not have permission to die Yamato no Takeru.

Even as Berserker began to lose grasp on reality, even as she pushed forth into what was surely ruin, the degradation of all that was beautiful, she would understand that this was not the fool William speaking.

If you have the power to draw another breath, you have no choice but to.

This was not the boy who played with flowers, the boy who laughed merrily as he shot fireworks into the air to announce to all his arrival. This was the Magus who had clawed and fought for the rank of Fes, the one who sought the Root, no matter how hard the path may be.

There is still much to see in this world, I want to show you so many more things.

He peered through her eyes and witnessed ruination, a miasma which spelt the fall of man. Even through the fog of madness that clouded Yamato's eyes, William understood well that this was something that existed only to make what was beautiful ugly.

My favorite books, my favorite foods, the beautiful sunsets from a balcony as we get drunk on overpriced wine that's not even slightly worth it.

There was a hint of excitement as he continued to speak, his outward smile growing just a hint larger as Yamato danced through the battlefield, calling out for the protection of her ancestors, each step graceful yet filled with a rage that couldn't be matched.

This fog of ruin, it is ugly, it offends me, it is the opposite of everything I stand for. Even if the man known as Commodus is beautiful, his existence is an affront to the world.

As William tapped his staff on the ground lightly, anyone paying attention to the foppish Magus might notice something. The look of focus in his eyes as he began pouring everything he had into Yamato, even more than what she was taking, more and more.

Go forth Yamato no Takeru, my strongest Berserker! Shine brighter than this star of destruction, shine brighter than anyone who stands beside you! Remind this Emperor of Rubble just where his place is, underneath your heel and in the grave!
William Flur
Battle Royale, Round One! Ready, Go!



A good chunk of William's mana just vanished as Yamato absolutely annihilated the rooftop Assassin had retreated to, but William didn't mind all that much. Sure the Assassin had just reappeared and was retreating again, but Berserker was totally focused on him now, so he probably wouldn't be living for very long. "Make sure to aim higher next time please, I quite dislike that one." He silently communicated to Yamato as he refocused on the semi-new arrivals. Amara bint Mahmud ibn Hāshim Seif reappeared in her not so good illusion disguise, making very cute sounds as she stretched and did clearly inhuman things such as moving at speeds no human should ever move at! Probably Reinforcement magic, William slept through that class but he assumed one could do these absolutely incredible things with it. She glared at the duo while demanding they thank Caster for saving them, which likely meant Caster was her Servant. What a cute glare!

"Well then Amara bint Mahmud ibn Hāshim Seif's Servant, allow me to be the first to thank you for saving my life! You did an excellent job preparing for Assassins, and I appreciate you creating a barrier to defend me rather than doing something so boorish as killing me without even looking me in the eye! I mean really, what kind of rude person just goes and tries to kill people without at least informing them. It's like some people don't know the rules of a formal duel." This of course made perfect sense to the boy (man?) stuck in the mindset of the Arthurian times, where chivalry and duels were commonplace. "Ah, but I've failed to introduce myself! Quite rude, let me start this conversation over from scratch." William spun in place, a flurry of flowers emerging from his sleeves and swirling in the sudden wind around him dramatically as he stopped to face Amara bint Mahmud ibn Hāshim Seif and her Caster.

"I am William Flur, the Modern Magus of Flowers, descendant of the great incubus Merlin, and Master of the Strongest Berserker! My hobbies are advancing my family Magecraft, reading books about knights, lying for no reason other than my own amusement, and flower pressing! My greatest dream is to one day reach Avalon to meet my ancestor and then find a path to Akasha, which I will then sell for exorbitant amounts of money! My favorite food is cherries, my least favorite food is pickles-" This introduction would likely go on for some time unless someone stopped him, as he was gonna keep coming up with new facts about himself just so he could keep talking, even if they were blatant lies.


A lot happened, too much for Takara to process really, seeing as how he was sleepy and thinking about candy. Motorcycle crashes, pillars of ice, someone wasn't holding his hand anymore. He should find a new hand to hold, he liked holding hands. A bunch of new people appeared, blue haired lady, blonde lady, and white fox lady. There was also fairy lady hanging out with blue haired lady, but he couldn't hold her hand, she was too small.

One could practically see the gears slowly turning in his head as he clenched his now empty fist, before getting dragged over to blue haired lady's group by Itsuko. Then white fox lady wanted to meet him, so that was the decision made! "H-hi. I'm Takara, it's nice to meet you miss!" He exclaimed, followed shortly by a yawn as he covered his mouth with his free hand. Then a bunch of policemen showed up, hopefully they'd be as nice as the one from earlier.

Rose meanwhile, was having the absolute time of her life! The ride she just went on with Kanbaru was pretty much the sickest thing ever, she should totally claim Kanbaru as the pirate ship until she can get an actual ship. Then Kanbaru acted really sexy and cool as she tamed her wild motorcycle, saving everyone from a grisly death with quick thinking and decisive action! Perfect second mate material, Rose really made the right decision there. Admittedly, getting smacked by some blond delinquent wasn't super fun, but she could shrug it off with this body so it's all good!

"Hell yeah!" She exclaimed as Itsuko likely lifted her hand off Kanbaru's neck to observe Rose. "Kanbaru, this card is literally awesome. I'm pretty sure I'm invincible with this thing and I feel way faster. You gotta try this out sometime, being a fairy is so cool." Rose rambled, talking about how cool the world was from this point of view and how much adrenaline and energy was running through her body right now.

Of course all this was interrupted by the ever present killjoy, who had once again chased them down along with a retinue of cops. "Ugggggh. Kanbaru, I vote we just blast these losers. Cops suck and I don't think that one is gonna be convinced by our sexy charms like the last girl was." Rose said as she stood on Itsuko's palm, brushing herself off and frowning. Oh yeah, should probably introduce herself to the girl huh. "Hey what's up, I'm Rose! Pirate extraordinare, currently a fairy because being a fairy is pretty cool. Nice to meet ya!"
Scourge of God
Just Outside Banquet of Kings, Academy>???


Altera retreated with her army, for this was what was natural for the barbaric Hun clan. They would rise like the tide and crash upon their foes, then retreat in preparation for the next assault. This was what was natural for her, for her clan, their tried and true method of destruction. The enemy pursued to retaliate, but she was fast enough that she had little doubt she could escape.

Whether it be three, four, five, a dozen or a hundred, Altera would destroy them all. This was her purpose, given to her along with the role of Scourge of God. She was given the Authority to Destroy and she would exercise this Authority with impunity, this was only the beginning of her war after all.

An arrow is fired, she cannot react appropriately with Master in arms. She closes her eyes and moves, reducing what would have been a mark of shame to naught but a scratch on her cheek. She looked back for just a moment, looked back on the civilization that would strike out at her. And she smiled, a cruel vicious smirk as she looked upon that which would fall. She begins to turn back, ready to fight this great king, this man who would be reduced to naught but ash, when her Master spoke.

"Lancer. By Order of Command Spell, I order you to get us to safety immediately."


The Authority of a Command Seal burns into her, suppressing even her desire to destroy as the world begins to blur around them. She was not pleased with this decision, but understood its necessity. She would forgive her child this impudence once, for she acted in the interest of her father. "Very well then Cordula. To safety it is." And thus the world bent around them, space contorting and cracking as Altera landed in their home. "This has been a good night. I expect even better tomorrow." She said simply as she wiped away the thin streak of blood on her cheek with a palm, staring at her life essence intently. Her tongue peeks out of her mouth as she licks it up, her lips twitching upwards as she relished in the taste of iron.

William Flur
Battle Royale, Round One! Ready, Go!



William and Amara stared at each other for what felt like a solid minute, William patiently waiting for the girl to respond to his query while also keeping a note on the sounds going on behind him. Sounded like Yamato was winning, good job Yamato! While thoughts of Inversion Impulses and Incubi heritage ran through Amara's mind, worry upon worry piling as William saw through her illusion (quite shoddy honestly, though it wasn't half bad for a first try), William was thinking about what to have for dinner. He would have to treat Yamato to something good, she did a good job fighting off the incredibly dangerous Oni tonight. Maybe steak? Did they have steak in Japan? He had told the Einzbern Homunculus that Japanese people had steak for breakfast, but he was also lying his ass off in half the conversations he had with her. Maybe more.

Oh, and then she was gone. "Hm. What a strange girl. He remarked as he turned back to the fight-

William felt a shiver run up his spine as Death's scythe hovered over him.


There was no time to react, the air around them seemingly chilled as William did his best to pull both Kotaro and himself out of the way. He wasn't really the athletic sort in truth, so it was likely an exercise in futility, but he had to do something. He couldn't die here and he couldn't just let this poor boy die in his place, they had to move, even if it meant nothing in the end they had to move. A storm of flowers exploded forth from his cloak, multiple illusions weaved around the duo to distort their true position, anything and everything to try and stop the inevitable.

William closed his eyes instinctively, unwilling to look death in the face, unwilling to face his fate. Truly, he was a coward to the very end. He fell to the ground and... lived. William opened his eyes slightly as the flowers began to settle around them. And then he laughed, a real laugh rather than the noises he made while toying with others. A laugh of pure disbelief as he clenched his hands open and shut.

The reality of the situation comes crashing back into him as he stands up, shaking slightly as he steps away from Kotaro and the Saber. "B-Berserker! You won't believe what just happened! We nearly died just now, it was absolutely exhilarating!" He hides the slight shake in his voice as best as he could, attempts to play it off as though it were just another moment of the game, just the after effects of the adrenaline rush, but only the observant detective would be able to see through William's lies. For just a brief moment, William feared for both his and Kotaro's life, even trying to save the detective. Perhaps he wasn't just a good for nothing scoundrel.
Scourge of God
Just Outside Banquet of Kings, Academy


Altera watched her javelins collide with the building from afar, a dust cloud rising as the building slowly collapsed around everyone. Explosions rang out in the distance, colliding with the wall of death and protecting all under Timur's roof. She did not know how many she had killed, if any at all, but the warning had been made clear. Those who parade around as kings and heroes shall become dust, for this is the only end for those who oppose the Hun.

She could feel it now, they rallied their forces for a counterattack. Were she another barbarian, she would stand her ground to meet their attack head on, letting blood soak into the battlefield as she ruthlessly slew every last fool who opposed her! She would conquer them, showing them the folly of their actions and mount their heads on pikes as she burned down their kingdoms! But, she was not another barbarian, she was Altera the Hun. She understood her limits well, the foolishness of running into a fortress wall with no way to survive the inevitable assault. She would retreat, gather her forces for another concentrated assault later. To fight many armies at once was no easy task, this war needed to be fought with careful strategy.

"Come Cordula. We must retreat and prepare for the next attack. The war has begun." Altera turned away from the Academy as a returning volley of arrows was fired on her position, calmly walking to her Master and sweeping her off her feet into a bridal carry as the two disengaged from the field of combat. She bent her knees and leapt, that storm of arrows striking nothing but the concrete of an empty building as the Master and Hun made their getaway.




William Flur
Battle Royale, Round One! Ready, Go!



William covered his smile with his sleeve as the detective finally realized who he was, casually brushing aside such minor details as the fact that he tried to cast an illusion on the poor boy. "Ah, it looks like you've seen right through me Mr Hardboiled Detective. Indeed, I'm just a good for nothing scoundrel who wants to have some fun at the expense of others!" William laughed, patting Kotaro on the shoulder nonchalantly as he turned his focus back to his Servant.

It seems there was another Servant nearby that none could see, as bolts of lightning rained from the sky to try and fry both of their Servants. Perhaps the Oni had come with assistance? Well, it didn't really matter much to William, that was his Servant's business after all. William was just here to act as a battery and observe what beautiful stories could be told. He was just a Magus after all, a magical scientist looking for a path to Avalon. He had no mind for any of this combat stuff, he barely even knew how to feed himself, much less make a complex stratagem that would lead to victory. The best he could do is play a little prank here and there to keep things interesting for everyone involved.

And then, a girl appeared next to him. Strange, he would have noticed if an illusion were being cast in his vicinity. Perhaps she just appeared there? Sure, it was considered impossible to teleport in today's Magus society, but casting grand rituals like the one he was seeing now in mere seconds was also considered impossible in today's Magus society as well. Oh well, just another day in the Holy Grail War. "Yes, this is he! How may I help you today Amara bint Mahmud ibn Hāshim Seif?" William let the name roll off his tongue with ease, instantly recognizing the Magus from what research he had done while entering the war. A fellow Clocktower Magus, high bred, old blood like himself. Possibly older, considering his entire lineage was a lie. "Wait wait, don't tell me! You saw the message didn't you? Which one is yours, the oni monster or the lightning person that I can't see?" He asked, not really expecting an answer.
Utena Soriyu




Utena was definitely left pondering by the end of the meeting, finding herself lost in thought as the room began to empty out and everyone began preparing for the next move. She was shaken out of this revery by Akari shortly, who reminded her that they had a lunch date to go on. Her stomach growled in response, prompting Utena to nod seriously as they moved out of the room and to the streets.

They both got takoyaki, Utena got two servings because she had also skipped breakfast too, finding a nice spot to sit nearby while they ate. "So let's start with the basics-" Utena said in between bites, her voice slightly muffled as she shoveled her food down like she hadn't eaten in literal years. "This is really good, I gotta remember this place."

A long silence passed as Utena kept eating, before she swallowed and let out a content sigh. "Good stuff." She patted her stomach happily and smiled, another long silence passing.... Oh right! Why they came here! Utena was back to business mode as her face got serious once again. "Now then, what do you know about the GMG known as Terrorkeat?"
Scourge of God
Just Outside Banquet of Kings, Academy


Altera sat atop the building and stared at the fireworks as they went off, the flag to which many heroes and kings gathered to discuss the war that lay before them. The king Timurlane demanded their heads, an unequivocal surrender in the face of the Great King of Destruction. Had Altera been in there, she would have likely laughed at the foolish man, who thought he could claim the title of "Great King of Destruction." She would have spat in his face and attacked then and there, no doubt starting a chain reaction of decadent violence that would have made this banquet a true party, something every warrior inside could have appreciated.

As Commodus entered the Academy with "Nemean Lion" in hand, Altera nodded to herself as she stood up, stretching out her arms and working out the kinks in her shoulders. "To prolong Destruction any further would be an affront to God. Let us begin our campaign and bring glory to the Hun!" She was of course speaking to Cordula, who had been kept at her side at all times. It would not do for some cowardly and faceless assassin to slay the girl, she was what kept Altera bound to this world after all.

A band of colors shimmers into existence within her grasp, solidifying into a mighty spear of many hues. She takes a single step back, raising the Photon Beam into the air as she takes aim, her stance impeccable as mana begins to pour out of her and condense around the spear. It is a heavy thing, filled with the souls of every Hun under her command. Their wrath, their joy, their pride, all of it wants to destroy. Destroy, destroy, destroy, every hint of civilization that offends the eyes.

"When civilizations rise, we shall act as the Scourge of God! Rainfall Photon Beam!"


She steps forward and releases, firing the beam of light into the sky at speeds which offend the eyes. A boom echoes through the area, the only warning the kings would receive before her judgement rained down upon them. One spear becomes many, as a thousand javelins pierce through the first layer of Fuyuki Academy. The roof is instantly annihilated, the ground outside is peppered with a field of craters, javelins planted firmly in the middle of each. The top floor of the Academy is next to go, the roof is likely beginning to collapse on the banquet as Servants scramble to protect their Masters. There would be no escape, as the fury of the Hun army pounded away at them until there was nothing left of them but ash and bone. Each and every King, each and every hero, each and every ounce of Civilization. They must fall, they must be destroyed so that their wretched forms do not continue to offend Him.
William Flur
Battle Royale, Round One! Ready, Go!



"Don't worry, don't worry! You're the best Berserker around! And the only way to get to me is to go through you, so all in all I'd say we're doing just fine! Besides, how many people could possibly show hmm? You saw those fireworks earlier, I bet everyone is going towards those-"

It was almost surprising how quickly people had shown up after making his declaration, from the mad booze soaked demon crashing into the earth like a cruise missile, to the young boy with the sword and his Master who had just shown, it would seem he had attracted more attention than he had meant to with his little message! "Ah. Whoops! I guess a lot of people showed." William muttered quietly as he dispelled the message in the sky, the flower petals scattering into the wind and dispersing all over the city.

Oh my, those stats on the Oni were quite something. Master's Clairvoyance was quite the handy thing, to be able to somewhat accurately judge an opponent at merely a glance was very helpful in considering just how difficult a fight would be. For William, these "stats" showed in the intensity of a flower's color. Her Luck, it's color was quite lackluster, a dull flower that would only be present on a pauper's table, poorly watered and wilting. But every other stat? Simply dazzling, a wide array of beautiful hues that could only be present in the garden of the richest man on Earth! Her Strength and Mana surpassed even that, being almost beautiful enough to belong in Avalon itself! Almost.

The air was heavy with the scent of sake of the highest quality, almost causing the other Master to collapse into a drunken stupor from merely existing in the same space as the oni. A poor Magus then, not that it particularly mattered to the flowery man as he slowly faded into thin air. "Well then, it looks like the party is starting! I apologize for being such a poor host, but as my Berserker said, things are quickly about to become dangerous for me. Which means this is my cue to exit the scene before I get caught up in something rather unfortunate. I apologize Berserker, I know I told you I wouldn't tell you what to do in battle but I'm afraid I must give at least one order. Work with the other Servant to slay the Oni. Afterwards you may do as you please." The last thing to disappear was his mischievous smile as he moved around the arena and behind the tree which Kotaro was hiding behind.

He planted a hand on his shoulder as he reappeared, his staff in the other hand as he peeked out from behind the tree, using the other Master as cover just in case. "Exciting isn't it? This battle between heroes of old and the monsters which prowled the lands, this is what I joined for." He waved his staff lightly as he quickly muttered a few words of power, Yamato's and Momotaro's blades appearing to be just slightly shorter than it actually was as William cast some minor illusions. The most minor of which, being a probe of Kotaro's defenses as William tried to throw off his center of balance ever so slightly. Should he get called out on it, he could simply blame it on the atmosphere.
William Flur
Fuyuki Park, Night One


Mentions: @Crusader Lord



It was a cold night tonight, a night filled with tension and glory waiting to be claimed. But everyone was sneaking around, trying to find each other's bases. It was all dreadfully boring to William honestly, he never was one for tracking people down whenever he wanted something. No when William Flur, the Modern Magus of Flowers, wanted something he would have someone get it for him. Unfortunately he didn't have such a luxury here without his butlers and staff, so he would have to find another way to make others come to him. "Yamato, are you ready?" He asked the Servant as he picked up his staff from the ground.

Whether he was ready or not didn't really matter as William got up from his cross legged position and planted his staff into the dirt beneath his feet and the wind whipped his coat around, a steady supply of flower petals beginning to fall from the insides and dance around him in the breeze.

With this Declaration, Let All Know
This Holy Grail War Hath Begun
I, William Flur, The Modern Magus of Flowers, and The Strongest Berserker
Shall Accept All Challengers


His voice reverberated in the wind, shaking the petals around him that had grown to become a veritable storm of pinks and reds and yellows and a myriad of different shades and hues. With his last word spoken, he planted one hand on his staff and the other firmly into the air, pointing upwards as the winds suddenly exploded skyward. With this declaration, war had been declared. His message lay firmly planted in the sky above Fuyuki Park, a rainbow of flowers painting his intent clearly.
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