Gunther

Need some help storyboarding

As you can see the dialog is written in German and Cyrillic Russian. My initial idea was that any scene involving the two of them would have the dialog written like this, whereas when they are by themselves or with their own people it would be written in English. Your opinion on this would be greatly appreciated.

Sorry if this is the wrong forum as well... I'm not really looking to collab write the story, just to provide background and help me develop it.

@Trivval

This is probably the very "correct" forum to put this.

It seems to me the plot of this story is at its foundation a story of survival as is any war story. In this case you have a race of super human vampires who have a slight advantage over the mortals, depending on what your rules of Vampires are. I've seen several different examples. I actually like the rules laid out by Stephenie Meyer in her Twilight Saga. But if you have your own ideas, you should have them written out as a reference for yourself or for others if you turn this into an RP.

As long as World War II continues, the Vampires at the heart of Leningrad will have fresh corpses to feed off and their behavior will be concealed by the events surrounding them on a grand scale. But once the war ends, then the story would become trickier. They would then be forced to conceal their identities in other ways; possibly moving to other countries simply to avoid being recognized by someone who may have known them in a past life. But as a Vampire, they would have to move every 15 or 20 years anyway simply because their bodies won't change while the mortals around them will.

I assume your story will focus on the Vampires in the city during WWII and not on what happens to them after the war. They should have an advantage of immortality. What about rapid regeneration from wounds? Is that a Vampire strength or will they succumb to the damage of gunfire like a mortal? Those questions should be addressed before coming up with a plot.

Assuming the Vampires can regenerate, they will be tough to kill. Your story can focus on a firefight with German Vampires fighting against German and Russian mortals. The Vampires will eventually run out of ammunition unless they are looting it off the mortal corpses as well as their blood.

If your story is focusing on the mortals, then you have the plot device of placing two former antagonists along a unified front facing off against a common threat. This story will focus on the survival of the mortals trying to overcome the German vampires' strengths.

There are several other subplots you can generate from this theme as well.
1. Who is in charge? a Russian or German
2. how to get the corpses out of the killing zone without providing additional targets to the vampires?
3. Romance
4. Betrayal. maybe a Vampire makes a deal with a Russian or a German to give up his people in order to survive. But Betrayal can go both ways.

I hope this helps. If not, ask questions. We can discuss this.

The Band of Fools

I would agree 4-5 paragraphs is more of a minimum. A writer doesn't put out sufficient content with such restraints imposed. The only reason one writes in Casual is because it is the most populated.

The Band of Fools

Baldric Durant

The ground, damp from morning dew; a slight misty fog blanketed the field. A morning chill enveloped the camp like a dark omen. Everyone felt it. Baldric Durant sat up from his resting spot on the ground. He shook his arms, as if he were shaking the tightness out, yawning wide. It seemed the older he got the harder it was to sleep on damp soil, waking up to make water in the tree line at least once during the night. He recalled hearing the Captain moaning and groaning, taken ill by the Flux. Baldric felt bad for the old man. He hoped he would come back from this. Most men rebound, but it still needed to run its course.

Baldric loved the man. He had given him a break when he joined the Company of Fortune. Baldy, as he was called by those closest to him, his brothers, bound in a shared misery committed himself in the knowledge he would fight for any of them and die if need be. Loyalty was a quality the middle aged north man placed a high value upon. He held it for those he served and felt it for those who served with him. Loyalty and respect were both two-way streets.

Wearing his gambeson, breeches and boots, Baldric stumbled to Lem’s tent. He wanted to check on how the Captain was doing. By the time he got there, he found Lem emerging from the Captain’s tent. By the expression on his face, it did not look well.

After a silent exchange of looks, the Leftenant called for a meeting. Baldric returned to the tents his mates were sleeping in to rouse them. He gathered his Sellswords up, five in all and herded them over to the wagon Leftenant Arronson stood atop. Durant’s Lance gathered around as the Leftenant began to speak. Several others in the company gathered around as Lem began.

"Alright you lot, listen up! I have some grave news for us all. As some of you may have already heard, our captain is dead. He went last night, quietly, in his sleep." Baldy wasn’t exactly surprised by the Leftenant’s words. He knew a man ran a chance of dying once Flux took hold. He had prayed, the Captain would survive, but he also knew the old man, didn’t go quietly. He heard him at high moon when he was making water in the trees. It had been a noisy death. But sure, let the man have his say. It doesn’t matter. ‘The fucker’s dead,’ he thought to himself.

The death of the Captain bothered Baldric terribly. ‘He popped his clogs,’ Baldy thought to himself, an expression found in Ragmark, one he grew up hearing from time to time. After the Leftenant finished, he motioned for the soldiers to follow him back to their spot. None of the men were happy about the news. They were quiet, contemplating the Captain's fate. They knew a new Captain would be elected. Most were all siding with Leftenant Arronson. He was naturally, next in line of succession to take the Captain’s job.

“What scran do we ha’ to break our fast wit?” Podrik Webster asked.

“We ha’ dem rabbits we culd roast,” Craig MacDonald stated matter of fact. "Howay, man, hinny, I said I was clamming!" Craig was very hungry.

“Aye, roast the rabbits,” Baldric commanded as they arrived. “We ken gather s’more later.” The soldiers of the lance skinned the small animals, preparing them for a skewer.

“I need to go see the Smithy,” Baldy addressed Craig and Podrik preparing the meal. “I’ll be ‘ight back.”

He walked past several tents hearing the noise of a hammer striking steel…

Bang

Bang

Bang

He walked past the old Baird, MacShana, overhearing someone comment on his pipes, “I keep telling you, you're not the bard of this Band, you’re not even really a musician, so please stop making my ears bleed with your damnable wailing sack of moans!”

Appreciating the sweet sound of the pipes, Baldy could not help himself. “Ney a listen to this lout, Brádach. Ye keep on a playin’ me lovey.” He smiled at Mr. MacShana hearing the sounds of the hammer getting louder.

Bang

Bang

Bang

Finally, he reached the anvil and forge. “Aye, Yorkie?” Baldy asked his friend, “Ye finish wid me spaulders ey?”

The man motioned to their location. “Thanks, mate,” Baldric picked them up and fitted them over his shoulders. “Ye do fine work, sir,” Baldy smiled at Wulfric, then flipped him a coin. “Fer yer troubles.” Baldric took his new spaulders in hand and made his way back to the lance to break his fast. “Dem rabbits mus’ be ready by now.”

@WestWall@Jbcool

The Band of Fools

LOL...I never think about how large it is when I start writing. When I get on a roll, I don't stop until I feel it is done. At least I edit what I write three or four times before I post it. It will be grammatically correct if nothing else. My longest post in the RPG forums was 8 pages long on MS Word (Times New Roman, 12pt). It had 55 paragraphs. But that was an NRP about five years ago. I never think about the length. I just go. But to limit myself to 4 or 5 paragraphs sounds excruciatingly painful. I could write four or five paragraphs here in the OOC.

EDIT: If my post is too long for some folks, I am not apologizing.

The Band of Fools

Baldric's perceptions of your character...

Cedric Amberstone Cedric is young, which in Baldric’s experience is a liability. His unnecessary cheerfulness rubs him the wrong way too. Cedric is someone Baldy has his eye on. He needs to see what the young man is capable of.

"Sir" Wulfric York Baldric sees what Wulfric does. He appears to be a stron asset to the company appreciating his work. Baldric is unaware of “Sir” Wulfric’s lineage. He suspects something about him, but his general quiet demeanor and hard work speak volumes about his character.

Brádach 'The Piper' MacShana Baldric respects Bradach’s wisdom and years of experience. Bradach’s stories are very entertaining. They have captivated Baldy for years. The old man could have gone home at anytime. They both know it. The fact he has remained with the Company as long as he has speaks volumes about his character.

Gerard Gast With all young men in the Company, Gerard needs to prove his mettle to Baldric Durant. He perceives a false bravado or confidence the young man uses to camouflage his fears. Baldric believes that façade is a waste of time. He would prefer the young man be honest with everyone. Although Gerard can be overwhelming, Baldric does not mind the young man’s questions. He seems to follow him around like a little puppy sometimes.

@Mattchstick@WestWall@Jbcool@Patryk

The Band of Fools

I know everyone is excited about posting. I will hold off until either tomorrow and Friday. That way I can comment on what others write as well; without metagaming of course. ;)

ASOIAF - Threw the eyes of House Lashton ((Still Open))

The next time I post, Radford will make contact with Ryger's troops and hell will visit our tiny little corner of the world. This RP needs Sisters Without Banners to save the day. :)

The Band of Fools

The Band of Fools

As in, are we just entering the city? Did we just wake up from sleeping in an inn? Are we supposed to be meeting up with the leader of the Band for orders, or are we free to explore?

@Mattchstick

In an Inn!? ROFLMAO! I spent 21 years in the Infantry. I can imagine an army on campaign. Their soldiers do not sleep in Inns. Make the ground your home boy. Get comfy. I remember spending 12 days in Canada about 20 years ago. It rained nine of those twelve days. I slept in the rain, ate meals in the rain and patrolled in the rain. I got so accustomed to being wet, I never use an umbrella. An Inn. that's pretty funny.

The Band of Fools

I'm in Massachusetts, if you must know.