LadyAnnaLee

The Tree of Astra (LadyAnnaLee and Blackfridayrule)

That was what Ridahne wanted? To be made aware of her struggles and thoughts? That was all? It was so strange to the human girl who had been raised to be strong, to rely on no one. To have to keep it inside. To solve the problems on her own, and to go for help only when it was something Darin literally couldn’t deal with on her own. Still if that was what Ridahne wanted the human supposed it wouldn’t hurt to at least try. She had a feeling she would fail more than once before she even succeeded once. The instinct to hide any and all emotion that didn’t serve a purpose was far too strong.

Darin nodded as she joined Ridahne on the bed, “I’ll try.” She shrugged, “I’ll probably get it wrong, but I’ll try.” The Seed burned against her thigh in reminder and The Seed-Bearer was quick to remind them both, “I can’t tell you everything, but I’ll try to tell you what I can.”

Then the warrior mentioned her father and Darin suddenly stilled. It wasn’t like Ridahne was wrong that Darin disagreed with her. Martin, son of Gerald by Alice, didn’t have to see what he had done to Darin or to her mother. She was more than willing to let Ridahne look for the man so that wat the human could break his nose. Darin just wasn’t sure she understood why Ridahne was allowed to hate the people that had hurt her while Darin wasn’t allowed to hate the people that had hurt the warrior. Every time Darin brought up or made mention of her dislike of the Sols Ridahne leapt to to their defense. Granted it wasn’t quite the same thing. They were leaders of an entire country and Martin was just on terrible man, but still, didn’t friends hate the people who had hurt their friends? Darin supposed she should ask Ridahne that question given what she had just promised, but she really didn’t want to have yet another fight about the Sols tonight. Darin gave her head a shake. It wasn’t about her.

Darin’s voice was a soft whisper, “Why are you allowed to hate him, he who hurt me, but I’m not allowed to hate those who hurt you?” She sighed, “You always leap to their defense Ridahne, using logic and facts, and it’s not that your logic is wrong. It’s just hate is very rarely logically, and they hurt my friend.” Her already quiet voice got quieter, “At least I think we are friends.” She resumed a louder volume, “Knowingly or unknowingly they harbored a murderer in their midst and instead of admitting their wrong they got rid of you.” She sighed as she twisted her hands together nervously, “I’m not saying you have to hate them. I’m not saying that justice didn’t have to be followed. I’m just saying that if you get to track down Martin in order to do unspeakable things to him, then when we get to Azurei I should get to get at least be snarky to them. Or show I care more about you then them. Or show them that they don’t impress me. Or have their horse throw them at least once, Or something.” She threw up her hands in exasperation, “That’s what friends do right? I’m not sure, but don’t friends get mad at people that hurt their friends even when the friend won’t?” She shifted to halting Azurei, “I love you as my dearest friend. I think you love me too. If you get to fight my battles I should get to fight yours, even if you don’t realize there’s a battle to be fought.”

Ravenloft, The Curse of Strahd.

@Cube

You could write a post of your own. Maybe that would help.

But I doubt it.

The Tree of Astra (LadyAnnaLee and Blackfridayrule)

Darin wanted to ask Ridahne to switch back to Common but managed to refrain. If the Azurei felt more comfortable speaking in her native tongue Darin would not begrudge her. She still struggled to follow along. She was just glad Ridahne was speaking slowly. The Tree’s gift wasn’t perfection. It was just a foundation that Darin could only hope she was doing a good job of building on. She still felt like something was lost in translation, because there was no way that Ridahne was asking her to pour out her heart and soul to the warrior. That would certainly be the first time anyone had asked that of her. At least she managed to get Mrixie to leave them alone for most of tomorrow. That was one good thing.

Still, Darin wasn’t completely sure she knew what Ridahne really wanted. She didn’t want to ask again. She wasn’t sure she could ask again. That might just make it seem like she wasn’t paying attention, and the human really trying to pay attention. She thought Ridahne was asking if Darin really trusted her and that was just a ridiculous thing to ask. Darin trusted her more than she trusted anyone else, her mother included. Still it seemed like she hadn’t managed to get that message across. Darin wasn’t sure how. She felt lost in more ways than one and could only hope that she wouldn’t make things worse.

She gave a small shrug, “I do trust you Ridahne. It’s just.” She paused as she thought. The Elf wanted to know why she had run. Darin could try so she restarted after a brief pause, “I saw my future and I didn’t even realize it.” Her laugh was not a good sound, “One day you will die. My mother will die. Thomas and Milla and Talbot and Taja and all my other important people, whoever they were, are, or will be, will die. Then it will be just me, just Darin, alone waiting for the day when I will hand off another Seed to another Seed-Bearer who sees me as some mythical figure only to watch me die right in front of them.” She gave her head a shake, “And that doesn’t scare me, not like being alone for countless centuries does. And I don’t know why that does. It’s always been just me, just Darin. My mother loved me, but even before my father left, she was devoted to him and never had time for me if he was in the room. Thomas and Milla liked me, but couldn’t afford the elders’ ire, and they just hated me. It’s always just been me.” She was dangerously close to be crying, “I’ve always been okay with that. Then I literally fell into your life, and met you, and Mitaja, and Tsura, and you’re incredible, and I trust you, and I love you. I don’t like the thought of being alone again. I don’t like the thought of losing you.” There was another pause and right when it seemed she had nothing to say she whispered, “If you really are asking me to bare you my soul, to show you my ugly,” The tears dripped down her face, “I don’t know how. I’ve never had anyone to practice with. I couldn’t afford to let anyone see my weakness. The elders would use that against me, or I would be a bother to my mother to brush off the moment he showed up or endanger the few who did care.” She hugged her knees closer to her chest, her knuckles white on her legs, “It’s always just been me.” She suddenly got passionate, as she practically leapt from the bed to slide to her knees on the floor next to Ridahne’s bed, “But it’s not about me anymore. It never was about me. It’s not about my fears or hopes or worries. It’s about Astra and doing what’s best for the Children of Astra. I can’t be selfish anymore. So, tell me what you want, what you need, and I will do my best to do it.” Please Ridahne,” She seemed almost desperate, “Please let me make this right.”

The Tree of Astra (LadyAnnaLee and Blackfridayrule)

Darin desperately tried to listen, to hear what Ridahne was saying, rather than just let the words wash over her. Darin just wasn’t sure she understood what Ridahne was saying. Did the Elf think that she didn’t want to be here for the ceremony? That’s what it sounded like. Darin supposed that she couldn’t blame the Azurei for thinking that. She wasn’t sure she understood the bit about vulnerability either. It almost sounded like Ridahne wanted Darin to come crying to her every time she had a crisis of faith. That couldn’t be right, could it? Darin wanted to dart out of the room as she thought this though, but that wasn’t what Ridahne wanted. AS darin thought about she wanted to say she desperately tried to remember that it wasn’t about her, that she couldn’t make excuses, that she needed to be what Ridahne needed her to be. But what was that exactly.

Darin cursed how quiet she sounded, “I was worried that, that, that I would mess it up.” She couldn’t look at RIdahne, “That I would mark somewhere wrong, or, or I would break the needle or drop it or, or something.” She clenched her knees tighter, “But I wanted to be here. I guess I gave up that honor.” She quickly hurried on as her voice got a little bit louder, “Not that I blame you. It’s your choice.” Her volume dropped again, “I guess I should have told you my fears.” Her hands moved from her legs to clutch her skull and hair, “I just don’t understand what you mean when you say I don’t give in return.” Her voice broke, “I thought I was. I don’t understand. I thought I was a decent partner.” She didn’t want to cry, “But I guess I don’t know what it means to be a friend.”

Darin was trying, at least she thought she was trying. She guessed she wasn’t as being giving as much as she thought. She had never had a friend before. Well, that wasn’t exactly true. Milla and Thomas were her friends, kind of. They didn’t hate her. Did animals count? Somehow Darin didn’t think so. She also didn’t think that she could be friends with Ridahne the same way she was friends with Thomas and Milla. They didn’t “bare souls” to each other. It was more like Thomas convincing Rolland to let her borrow Heath in exchange for apple pie and rescuing abused dogs together. For as long as Darin could remember, even before her father left, Darin didn’t show vulnerability. She had also dealt with her emotions herself. It made her less of a bother. It made her less of a target. What did Ridahne mean?

She was still struggling not to cry, “I don’t.” She paused to consider her words, this wasn’t about her, “What do you need from me? How do I make this right? Talk to me like I’ve.” She cut that off too, it wasn’t about her, “Please. How do I make this right? What do you mean?”

Once again Darin was struck by the difference in the lives, they had led. Darin wasn’t a warrior, but she had a home to go to if she needed to. Ridahne had no real home to return to, but she could survive on the road by herself. Darin could farm. Ridahne could read and write and use a quill with ease. Ridahne had a brother, and a man who loved her. She had probably even had friends and partners before she did what needed to be done. She had had people to confide in. For Darien it had just been, well it had just been her. There was Thomas and Milla, sure, but there was only so much they could do for the village outcast without drawing the ire of the village elders on themselves. Darin had been trying to follow the model of friendship she had seen others have, but clearly, she was failing. She wanted to do better, but it seemed like Ridahne was going to be a whole lot simpler when saying what she wanted. If the warrior said it Darin would try to do it.

The Tree of Astra (LadyAnnaLee and Blackfridayrule)

Darin finally gathered the courage to reenter the inn. It was later than she would like. The tattoo probably wouldn’t happen tonight. Still, she ignored both Ulice and Mrixie as they called out to her. She had already screwed up already. She wasn’t screwing up again. She needed to explain herself to Ridahne before she explained herself to anyone else. Hopefully the warrior would understand. It may not be easy, but she loved Ridahne and couldn’t help but hope that she was loved in return. Was that too much to ask for? Was it too much to hope for? Darin wasn’t sure. She found herself hoping anyways.

As soon as she swung open the door to the room her nose was met with a smell that she knew intimately. It was the balm that RIdahne used to treat the human’s dozens on injuries as they occurred. Was Ridahne okay? Darin hoped so. She took a few steps into the dark room to see the warrior tossing fitfully in bed. The uloia’s reflection in the small mirror, the smell of blood in the air, the burned down candles, were the final clues that Darin needed to understand what had happened tonight. Her hand quickly flew to her mouth to muffle the choked sob. Her mouth tasted awful and had nothing to do with her being sick. She couldn’t be mad. She wasn’t allowed to be mad. It was her fault, her fault. It was always her fault. Why couldn’t ever get it right?

Without another word or sound she left the room again. Try as she might Darin couldn’t get the tears to stop. She couldn’t cry here. She wasn’t allowed to cry at all, but if she was going to cry, she wasn’t going to disturb Ridahne. She headed back down to the man room and out the door. This time she wasn’t fast enough to avoid being followed. Mrixie called after her, but she ignored it. She didn’t know where she was going. She didn’t care that this was the second time in one night that she had run off. She couldn’t help but flash back to the first few nights they had traveled together. She couldn’t help but flashback to the first few nights after Martin had left. Why was it that she was too much of a coward to face her loved ones?

Finally, Mrixie would be ignored no longer so he grabbed her arm, “Slow down Martian! And talk to me.”

Darin yanked out of his grip as she suddenly turned to rage, “Don’t call me that!” The trees started shaking in response to her anger and she snapped at them, “Oh behave! You don’t have to follow my lead for every stupid thing!”

Mrixie’s experience helped him remain calm, “Just because it has you upset doesn’t mean it’s stupid. What’s wrong?”

Her anger was no longer fire, but it wasn’t gone either, “Go away, and take Ulice with you.”

He responded, “We have a job to do.”

There was the rage again, “WHAT JOB!” She gestured vaguely at the direction of the inn, “Is it to make Ridahne feel untrusted? Is it to crowd her? Why are you here?”

Mrixie seemed to not want to blink, “It’s not about her. It’s about you.”

Darin scoffed, “It’s not about me. It’s never been about me! It never will be about me! It’s about so much more than me!”

Why had it taken her so long to figure that out? Why had she let it take so long? She had taken so long that she may have hurt Ridahne. Ridahne might be mad at her and Darin didn’t know if she could bear the thought of that. She wanted to scream and rage. Luckily the trees weren’t doing it for her. Was there a way to make this right? Would an apology be sufficient? Somehow Darin didn’t think so. She had inadvertently made light of one of Ridahne’s most sacred rituals. There was no going back from that. Why had she let it take so long? Why was she such an idiot? No! It wasn’t about her. She needed to figure out how to make this up to Ridahne. Getting rid of the shadows the warrior didn’t seem to want seemed like a good start.

Mrixie’s eyes had gone wide with horror, “I’m not sure I like the way you said that.” He reached out for her again only to drop his hand when she flinched away, “There’s a difference between selflessness and destructive self-sacrifice. You can’t fill cups if your own is empty.”

Darin repeated herself while looking at anywhere but the older man that genuinely seemed to care, “Go away, and take Ulice with you.”

Mrixie let disappointed sigh, “Very well.” He bowed a bow Darin didn’t recognize, “I will return. Perhaps late tomorrow.”

Then he was gone. Darin was left alone, unsure what she should do. She didn’t want to go back to the inn, back to her mistake, but she didn’t want to worry Ridahne either. In the end she slowly made her way back to where she belonged. She could deal with it. She couldn’t keep just running off. It wasn’t about her. She needed to remember that. She couldn’t afford to let her selfishness get in the way again. If she couldn’t even remember that in regard to Ridahne, how was she going to remember it in regards to the Children of Astra. She took off her boots as entered the inn. Hopefully Ridahne had fallen into a deeper sleep, and Darin didn’t want to wake her. She sat on the bed with her knees bent and her arms wrapped around them. There had to be a way to make this right. She just had to think of it, and she was going to figure it out, before she sought the peace of rest.

The Tree of Astra (LadyAnnaLee and Blackfridayrule)

Darin was about to say hello to Ridahne when Mrixe leaned over the table to stare her straight in the eye, "It's not always about you." He jerked his head towards the human, "Is it?"

Darin found herself staring at Mrixie. Logically she knew that was a reference to the conversation that the two of them had while she had been feeding pastries to the horses this morning. As such she didn’t need to understand it completely. Yet, she couldn’t help but feel like it was directed at her. She had been chewing a bite of her roll, but slowly stopped to just stare at the guard so quick to promise things he didn’t truly understand because it was right. He was right. He was beyond right. It wasn’t about her. She wanted to kick herself because of how stupid she had been acting lately.

She dropped the last bit of her roll as she quickly swallowed, “Excuse me a moment. I’ll be right back.”

With that Darin all but ran out of the inn. She didn’t see Ulice get up to follow only to have Mrixie quickly grab her arm to prevent her from doing so. He quickly shot another glance at RIdahne to keep her from doing the same. Then he grabbed the last bit of the roll and another one to follow the young adult. When he exited, he realized that he couldn’t see her due to the swiftness of her retreat. With a scowl he returned to his place on the bench. He wrapped both of the roll in a napkin.

He asked the warrior, “Is this a habit of hers? To run off in order to avoid showing emotion in front of others?”

Meanwhile Darin had run pass the city and deeper in the forest. A swarm of uloia followed to provide light. Darin collapsed as she wrapped her arms around the trunk of the nearest tree. She then proceeded to be sick. How could she have been so stupid? How could she have been so self-centered? It wasn’t about her. It had never been about her. She wasn’t The Seed-Bearer for her. She was The Seed-Bearer for Astra, for the Children of Astra, for The Gardener and The Tree. She had spent the last however long worried that she was doing it wrong, about what it would be like to be alone, to live practically forever. It wasn’t about that. It was about ensuring that Astra, that the Children of Astra, had the best chance to survive. She couldn’t worry about whether or not she was doing it wrong. She had to worry about what was best for Astra and what she was doing, what she had planned, was what was best of the Children of Astra. That would have to be enough. She slowly got back to her feet. It would have to be enough. She couldn’t start doubting herself now. She couldn’t start worrying about her future now. It wasn’t about her. It was about others, her mother, Ridahne, Thomas and Milla, all the people she thought she might love.

She stood on shaky feet and regretted being sick. Her mouth tasted horrible. She also regretted her desperate flight away from the inn and so deep into the forest. She had no idea how long she had been running and had no idea where she was. Thankfully the trees of Lihaelen were more than willing to lean slightly in the right direction as the uloia floated ahead to light the way. What was she going to tell Ridahne? She needed to stop just running off. It was odd the that the warrior hadn’t followed though it was possible that Mrixie had stopped her. Darin wasn’t sure what to think about that. It seemed to take forever to get back, but that could be because of the fact that she was walking rather than running this time around. That didn’t change the fact that soon she was back at the inn. She lingered for a moment, unsure if she wanted to go in. Would there still be enough time for the Oijh tonight?

That was another thing that wasn’t about her. She had asked for it, and Ridahne had been willing to do the work, to make the change, to risk the ire of the Sols and her people. Darin should be more than willing to do the first strike of that was what Ridahne requested. She should be overjoyed. She should be honored beyond all measured. Yet she couldn’t get rid of the feeling of apprehension that she would do something horrifically wrong. What if she dropped the needle? She had seen them before while RIdahne worked on the tattoo on her calf. There were tiny! Even smaller than the quill she hated. Or what if she accidently poked to hard or not hard enough? Or what if she slipped and poked in the wrong place? Darin began pacing a short distance as she constantly reminded herself that this was an honor. She was not going back in the inn until she believed it.

Ravenloft, The Curse of Strahd.

Ma’am! Bleh. She wasn’t not a ma’am. She made a poor approximation of a ma’am. Katrina gave her had a shake as she refocused. Now was not he time to wonder about her being a ma’am or whatever. There was a battle to fight and a victory to be claimed. She couldn’t afford to lose track of where she was or what she was doing. She had removed herself from the main battle to defend the musician. There were others that had done the same. Hopefully, there would be no lives lost in this battle, especially since it was not against the true enemy.

Then a roar filled the air and the wolves turned to face the Leonin. It was an excellent distraction, but Katrina had to question the wisdom calling all of the attention to oneself, especially in a battle with these many wolves. It didn’t matter. Katrina planted her rapier in the ground and placed her knife hilt between her teeth in order to draw her bow. It was an easy thing to restring in and soon she had arrows flying with deadly accuracy at the retreating wolves. Arrow after arrow flew. This was not a method that would last forever. She needed a better method and quickly.

Then the music from the small musician filled the air. Stunned Katrina turned to look at him. She knew a little bit about magic, not enough to do it, but enough to realize what type of song was being played. It wasn’t being played well, but right now it was the best song Katrina had ever heard. Strength, with this Katrina would be able to wield her broadsword as if it was her rapier without losing any of the force behind the blows. Her punches would be brutal. Her arrows would fly faster and sink deeper. This was brilliant! Katrina wanted to laugh and sing and dance.

Instead she just smiled a sort of manic grin at the terrified bard as she removed the knife from her teeth, “Well! That’s incredible. Thank you!” She gestured at the rapier, “Keep an eye out on this. I would hate to lose it.” She tossed him the knife, so it landed at his feet, “Just in case one of those beasts get too close. I will want it back.”

With that she unstrung her bow and placed it back in the quiver before drawing her broadsword taking the hilt in both hands she stalked towards the wolves. With a shout she began her attack. This was different from when she had been using her rapier. That had been almost a dance, gracefully, poised, each attack perfectly calculated. This was more of an assault, deadly, forceful, violent. Each attack was still perfectly planned, but it was less about striking where she wanted to strike and more about using the force, she created with each swing efficiently. Each weapon in Katrina’s arsenal required a different technique and style. While she couldn’t claim to be a master of them all she did know them, and she was beyond competent.

Speaking of efficiency Rolf was just as competent. The bird swooped into the battle to attack at eyes and ears with his claws and beaks only to fly out of reach of claws and fangs just in time to avoid receiving injuries of his own. Both companions had been doing this for far to long to get in each other’s way. In fact, they worked in perfect harmony. Rolf would take a set of eyes and Katrina would follow up by taking a head. The human would have her back turned and Rolf would come to pull a tail. The spun around each other and across the battlefield in a deadly dance of steel and claws.

It couldn’t last forever. Katrina was human and didn’t had endless amounts of stamina. It was only a matter of time before a wolf figured out that their claws did practically nothing against her steel armor. Soon, a particularly clever one lunged with its teeth to sink in Katrina’s unprotected arm right at her elbow. She let out a shout of pain as she tried to shake the creature off. It didn’t work. She dropped the stabbed the sword in the head of another enemy and left it there as she reached into her cloak to pull out another knife with her free hand. That knife was sunk into the neck of the wolf that still had hold off her arm. The wolf let out its own shout of pain and let go. Katrina kept ahold of her knife and it left the wolf. She kicked it to get it further away from her. How many of these wolves were there? How many had they killed already? How many where there left to kill? And where were those kidnapping werewolves? Too many questions, not enough time to think about it, still a fight to be won.

The Tree of Astra (LadyAnnaLee and Blackfridayrule)

The book was confusing, and it hurt Darin’s head. There were a lot of words that looked familiar, that should have been familiar, that weren’t. She had to sound out many of the words and she was sure that she was getting it wrong. She wanted to scream in frustration but didn’t want to upset the silence. She was also positive that more than one of the librarians were taking turns just wondering over here to check on her. With a scowl she slammed the book shut and stood up. She carefully put the book back on the shelf and moved to exit the Archives.

Before she left the attendant at the front desk called out, “Your companion needs you back at the inn.”

Darin turned to bow in deference to an elder, “Thank you. Have a nice night.”

The librarian bowed in respect to a student and then Darin left. She didn’t want to go back to the inn. She knew what Ridahne was getting ready for and Darin was nervous. The Elf, on more than one occasion, had mentioned Darin doing the first strike. The human wanted no part of it whatsoever. She couldn’t even hold a quill. She was certain that one way or another she would mess it up. Without thinking about it, Darin found herself wandering. She needed to stop that especially since Ridahne was probably already at the inn and Mrixe was probably torn between doing his actual duty of seeing to The Seed-Bearer’s comfort and his supposed duties of watching the traitor. The human supposed that if they stayed here too much longer, they should stop separating, if only to make his job easier.

Eventually Darin found herself in the market. She wondered about with people looking at her strangely. It was to be expected after the previous night. As such she kept to herself as she weaved though the dying traffic. Evening was coming fast, and people were closing up stalls and hurrying home. Darin did her best to stay out of the way. She had no real goal, but she supposed she couldn’t linger for long. As such she slowly meandered back to the inn. She had still yet to come up with an argument for why she shouldn’t be tattooing Ridahne, but maybe she would after she saw the warrior. Somehow Darin didn’t think so.

Darin spotted Mrixe in the bar portion of the inn talking to anther guard. He waved her over, “Ah! Mr. Lively.” He pointed at his companion, “This is Ulice Macs. She’s good stock and will be keeping an eye on you and your companion tonight. Will that be acceptable?”

Darin shrugged, “I’ll have to ask Master Torenzi.” She told the new guard, “You were there last night, right?”

She nodded, “I was. I keep my promises.”

Darin nodded, “Just making sure.” She gestured towards her room, “I best be headed up.”

Mrixie scowled as he pointed at an empty spot, “I have an inkling of what you two are planning for tonight. You will both eat something before you do. Especially since the last meal was the pastries this morning.”

Darin thought about arguing the point, but then it figured it gave her an excuse to put off her part in the ceremony tonight so sat down without too much of a fuss. It wasn’t long before the server put down a bowl of what looked like fish stew. Darin carefully tried a sip. It was delicious and soon she had finished the whole bowl. She took the roll that came with the soup and used it to mop up the stew she couldn’t get with her spoon. It was how she had always eaten soup or stew. It would probably seem barbaric in some places, but it was how she avoided wasting any food.

The Tree of Astra (LadyAnnaLee and Blackfridayrule)

Darin didn’t know as much as she would like about Azurei culture, but even as a human the gesture Ridahne used was strangely intimate. Darin had meant it as a joke, yet Ridahne had seen through the shaky laughs and tired smile to see a truth that the human was struggling with. Darin had to bite back a sob as the warrior pressed their foreheads together. How was Ridahne so good at this, at loving, at saying what needed to be said? Was it practice like the Elf implied it was? Darin let Ridahne go back to the research. She felt her friend’s absence keenly.

Without thinking about it her head craned back to look at the canopy above her. It was an old habit, looking up at the sky to think or look for rain. There was nothing to see her except the rustling leaves. Darin heard creaking noises and shot a sharp look at the nearby branches and trunks. There was the air of a child would had been caught in the act and scolded removing their hand from the sweets jar. Darin may have wanted to see the sky, but she wasn’t going to have a repeat of last night. The creaking noise stopped, and Darin crack a smile.

It quickly disappeared as she looked down at her hands. One was clasped in the other as she kneaded her hands in another old habit. This one was an end of day chore designed to work the stiffness out of her joints and tendons. As she did so she thought. It was a sobering thought to know that if she asked for it Astra would tear itself apart and sink into the sea. She couldn’t imagine doing that. She couldn’t see a reason for that. Yet her emotions were getting the better of her and in those emotions were subtle requests. She may not consciously ask for it, but if she got angry enough or depressed enough it would be easy to loss track of what was happening. Astra would be no more before she could stop it. She found herself reentering the Archives. She had research of her own to do.

The person at the desk looked up as she approached, “How can I help you?”

Darin sank into the bow of a student towards a teacher, “Um yes. Thank you. Can you tell me where I can find books about controlling your emotions? Well not your emotions. I mean for me. To control my emotions. In Common please.”

The woman cut off her babbling and gave her a location. There was another bow from Darin and more babbled thanks and then the human was off. It didn’t take her long to find the books. It took a little bit longer for the girl to decipher the titles. Thankful there were no nearby attendants to make fun of her sounding the words out loud. She found a thin book with a title about meditation. Darin had a vague idea of what that was. She had no idea what it was. She sat down with her legs crossed and her ankles on her knees as she gingerly opened to the first page. Oh, there were lots of words. Darin’s face screwed up in despair as she started reading with a whisper. This was going to take a while. She would probably be here until she got kicked out or Ridahne came to get her. Or until she got frustrated and stormed out of the building. Whatever happened first.

The Tree of Astra (LadyAnnaLee and Blackfridayrule)

Going outside had not helped Darin the way that it was supposed to help. She still felt like she couldn’t breath. She still felt like she was shaking uncontrollably. She didn’t know what to do. She didn’t know that she wanted to do anything. Then Ridahne’s hand came to clasp her shoulder and it was such a jarring difference from the inner turmoil that Darin was facing that the human found herself focusing on that. The Azurei’s hand acted as a focus to ground her in to the here and now as she slowly remembered how to breath. It appeared that try as she might Darin just couldn’t hide her panic from Ridahne.

She started to speak, “It’s just that.”

She trailed off without finishing. What was she saying? Hadn’t Ridahne talked her down from her panic about being The Seed-Bearer just last night? It wasn’t fair of Darin to expect her to do it again so soon. Besides she was panicking over something so stupid. It didn’t make sense to worry about something so many countless of years from now, especially since getting to that point depended solely on Darin not screwing up any time soon. Darin had to be honest. She was trying her best but that didn’t seem to be good enough. So far the only things she had managed to do right was freak people out by causing nature to do things it really wasn’t supposed to do and practically bully an exile into changing her entire cultural just to suit her silly whims. Those didn’t seem like things The Gardener would do, and wasn’t she suppose to be emulating him?

So, Darin just smiled even though the grin was kind of shaky, “It’s nothing I was just being.” There was another pause, “Silly. I was just being silly.”

Something, Darin, wasn’t sure what, told her that Ridahne wouldn’t react well to the human calling herself stupid. Darin wasn’t sure what to make of that thought. For some reason she found herself thinking of the night she had introduced Ridahne to The Tree and the sudden hug that had come after that meeting. Darin still didn’t know what that conversation had been about, but Ridahne had been more confident ever since. In fact, Ridahne seemed more confident ever since they left the Farm. Darin just felt like she was floundering over and over again. How could so many people have faith in her when she had so little in herself.

Darin laughed lightly and deflected just a bit, “I’ve never used a quill before. It’s thinner than the writing instruments I’ve used before.” She rubbed at her hand, “Using those hurt and the quill was just worse.” Her smile grew wider as she held up her hands and flexed her fingers, “I can write, but I’m no good at it. My hands are meant for hoes and shovels and digging in the dirt, not quills and ink and writing on paper.” She jokingly poked Ridahne in the shoulder, “Just another way you out class me isn’t it?”