Recent Statuses

13 days ago
Current I'm going to find the person that invented allergies and shove my foot up their ass.
1 mo ago
I graduated in the top of my class. Armor class, that is.
3 mos ago
God has cursed me for my hubris, and my work is never finished.
4 mos ago
I started out with nothing. And I've still got most of it left.
4 mos ago
Life is like a jar of Jalapeno peppers. What you do today might burn your ass tomorrow.


Hey now.

As time goes on, I'll add random stuff to this.

We praise it up in here!

I'm 6'4. So my arms are around 3 feet long. So last time I went on the American Eagle roller-coaster, I hurt my finger.

I take hot showers to practice burning in hell.

Stay classy America!

Have you tried setting it to Wumbo?

I'm hungry.

DS1 Bonewheels haunt my dreams.

Have you been flossing?

So... You come here often?

Dragon Dance!

Canada isn't real.

My favorite band would have to be Ninja Sex Party.

Nobody pays me in gum :(

Rush B Faggots!

The speed of light's for pussies, we're going at the speed of Brian!


Remember kids, don't have kids.


Accept Ron Swanson as your one true god.

Knee deep in the doot.


My penis is so big it goes from A to Z on the keyboard. Oh yeah! Oh shit, wait...

I though my life was hard because I had no shoes... Until I met a man who had no legs...

I've met a lot of pricks in my life, but you good sir are a god damn cactus.


The Resident Evil 4 merchant is forever embedded in my heart.

If you ever feel powerless, just remember that a single one of your public hairs can shut down an entire restaurant.


Sweet dreams are made of memes, travel the world and the seven... something that rhymes with memes but isn't seas because that's the original lyric...

There's no time to explain, pull up your pants and RUN!

Don't repost in my neighborhood if you know what's good for you.

I'm not very smart, but I know quite a lot.

Ra, Ra, Rasputin, Russia's greatest love machine...


If you haven't already figured it out, I like to talk. I'm just not very good at it.

Mmmmmm, Bepis.


Skate fast, eat ass.

I'm hungry. Gonna make me some Pizza Rolls.

Transformers! More than meets the eye! Transformers! Robots in disguise!

Ye hoebag!

I'm stiiill, in a dreeeaaam, Snake Eater!

"I would trade it all away, if you come back to staaaay. This kitchen's not the same, without youuuu!"

A long time ago, actually, never, and also now, nothing is nowhere. When? Never. Makes sense, right? Like I said, it didn't happen. Nothing was never anywhere. That's why its been everywhere. Its been so everywhere you don't need a where. You don't even need a when. That's how every it gets.

🎵We're all just assholes, lookin' at a screen.🎵

Been a while, eh?

Engrish is my favorite language.

"No one can escape the fate given to them.
All that remains is the end, where you will all perish.
Eternal greatness exists only within myself.
Sing a song of sorrow in a world where time has vanished."

Most Recent Posts

Still no pickles!
<Snipped quote by Lord Orgasmo>

ey can we get some posts from those who haven't posted yet this weekend please


Location: Rushford, Ohio -- Jenkin's Diner
Date: May 15th, 2019

Kale put down his newly cleaned utensils onto an equally shiny and clean bar top. Upon hearing Karen's opinion on the phone trick, he shrugged his shoulders. She had a point. But as for looking around here...

"Yeah, I looked around a little back here. The cooler and freezer still work, so as long as we still have electricity, the food here should still be good if we ever need to come back. Well, at least for about 10 days. Most of the stuff in the cooler and freezer we can't take with us, but I imagine most of the stuff in the dry storage should be good. Breads, potatoes, probably juice and water, stuff like that. As for cooking things now, I have a few things on me, but if you want something cooked for later, let me know."

Kale nodded his head to his left towards the dry storage room. "This way towards the dry storage."

Kale began to walk towards the dry storage, when a thought struck him: is this disease transmittable through food or water? As long as he had clean surfaces, tools, and properly prepared food, they should be fine, but eventually, he doubted that they'd have such a luxury. Kale grasped at the tooth Necklace he wore and muttered to himself.

"Mālama iā mākou"

Location: Rushford, Ohio -- Jenkin's Diner
Date: May 15th, 2019

Kale stood silently behind the Diner's bar, cleaning off his newfound utensils he had found in the kitchen. It had been a while since his days of flipping burgers, but he was glad to see he still had what it took.

But then came the decision: do they leave now? And how do they do it? Kale had little experience fighting off zombies, and most of the stuff he knew came from movies. A car seemed like a good idea, but it's not like a car is just going to have the keys in it. Though it's possible one of these people knew how to hotwire a car. Doubtful.

"Well, if you ask me, we should probably leave sooner, rather than later. But I suppose if we really need to, we could use this place as a base of operations for a short while. I'll try to make the food last as long as I can, but I'm not a miracle worker."

With any luck, there'd be minimal activity with the zombies. Everyone here seemed to be more or less athletic, and could probably run for quite a while, or fight off the zombies if push came to shove.

"I will say, if the dead are attracted to noise, it's entirely possible that we could make some kind of distraction with some sort of noise makers. I could play a loud noise on my phone and leave it somewhere, and run while they're distracted. Just a thought."
Banned for being one of 3 people in this thread
Banned for reddit karma

"Hoōla ke Akua iā mākou."
[ ❇ ] S Y N O P S I S
Kale Kahananui



Oahu, Hawaii

Former Life
Chef from an Oahu resturant.

[ ❇ ] C H A R A C T E R I Z A T I O N
Appearance Description
Kale has a few scars here and there, mostly from surfing incidents, knifes and getting popped by grease from fryers. He is usually shirtless, and wears shorts, but in the colder midwest, he just wears whatever fits.

• Bubbly
• Optimistic
• Stubborn
• Humorous
• Protective

Kale was born in Oahu, Hawaii, and lived there all his life. His parents were chefs, and through the power of nepotism, managed to land Kale a job at a local restaurant at an early age. There, Kale developed a love for food, and decided to go professional.

Kale also had a sister, named Alani, who is a year older than him. She moved to the midwest a couple of years earlier for work, and to pursue her master's degree in IT. It had been a while since Kale had seen her, and she invited him over to come see her. Kale, busy with work, had do delay the invitation, but eventually did arrive.

What Kale soon discovered, was horror. Some sort of "Wildfire Virus" had totally destroyed the entirety of the states. Kale was soon contacted by his sister, and told him of a safe haven called Camp Whispering Springs. A place without the undead.

[ ❇ ] M I S C E L L A N E O U S
Suitcase - Kale brought this in his suitcase.
Knife Set - Kale's personal knives he uses for home cooking.
A large bag of Taro(Kalo) - A Hawaiian root vegetable used for making Poi, a staple Hawaiian dish.
Taro and Ti leaves - Leaves commonly used for cooking.
Sea salt/mineral salt - Hawaiian salt.
Spam and Rice - Staple foods for Hawaiians. Though this food was found here.
Sanitizer solutions - as a Chef, Kale is a bit of a fanatic about keeping his "tools" and work surfaces clean.

Cooking - Kale knows traditional Hawaiian Cuisine and some Italian, but if all else fails he could just whip something up on the fly.
Fishing - Fish is very popular in Hawaii, and so Kale learned to fish for food at home.
Food Preservation - Various forms of preservation such as Curing meat, freezing, and using salt.
Athleticism - Kale likes to stay in shape, both to show off while at the beach and to keep his stamina up while running around the restaurant.
Food Safety - What kind of food is safe to eat, what temperature food should be kept at to be safe, etc.

Kale's parents are still in Oahu, and his sister is (hopefully) in Camp Whispering Springs. He also speaks fluent Hawaiian.
Hey assholes I'm here now
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