My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet.
My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament.
My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds - pretty standard, really. At the age of twelve, I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles.
There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum... it's breathtaking. I highly suggest you try it.
C H A R A C T E R S U M M A R Y C H A R A C T E R S U M M A R Y
_________________________________________________________ Bruce Wayne _________________________________________________________ 35 | Single _________________________________________________________ Wayne Medical | American
N O T A B L E A B I L I T I E S & T O O L S N O T A B L E A B I L I T I E S & T O O L S
A B I L I T I E S ▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔ Bruce lacks any superhuman powers, but he makes up for it with...-
T O O L (S) ▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔ ◼ UTILITY BELT The primary tool in his arsenal, Wayne has hidden many gadgets within the band and buckle, in addition to the weapons within the pouches. These include the highly customizable Batarang shuriken, the grapple gun with lines that are interwoven with adamantium, smoke pellets, tear gas, a sonic emitter, a handheld torch, cuffs, a line-launcher, flash grenades, tracers, a forensics kit, explosive gel, a cryptographic sequencer, and EMP grenades.
◼ BATSUIT Originally built off of prototype armor developed by Lucius Fox for a military contract, Wayne's uniform is a tri-weave polymer made up of kevlar, carbon fiber, and injected titanium pockets. Sewn within it are several gadgets controlled via a button at the top of the gauntlet, including a rebreather, nightvision and infrared lenses, several thousand-volt tasers, electric billy clubs, and an electronic disruptor. Perhaps the most advanced element is the A.I. HUD embedded in the cowl, connected directly to a private satellite that allows for interaction with Bat-Drones.
◼ BAT-DRONES The result of Wayne's military contract at work, these drones both resemble Batman's namesake and provide a key function in covertly monitoring Gotham from the skies. Capable of providing 3D mapping of a given area and feeding it directly into the suit's cowl, the drones are also equipped with highly sensitive microphones for eavesdropping, gadget delivery, biometric tracking, and even tear gas dispersal for riot control.
◼ THE BATMOBILE Batman's vehicle of choice, the car has been upgraded significantly over the last five years, with heavier armor and a jet engine capable of reaching over 200 MPH in under twenty seconds. The tires are puncture-proof and able to withstand bullets, and there are many offensive capabilities built within, such as adamantium shielding, a flamethrower, flares, oil slick, an EMP canon, and a massive grapple wench. The most useful feature is the auto-nav computer, which can be activated with voice commands from several hundred feet away.
◼ BATCYCLE A customised armored motorcycle with many of the same functions present in The Batmobile, The Batcycle is more easily hidden and capable of maneuvering much tighter spaces within Gotham. It can be slid into a hollow frame within The Batmobile itself and deployed when activated under emergency ejection.
◼ BATWING A military stealth plane customized to resemble a giant Bat, The Batwing can achieve speeds far greater than The Batmobile or Batcycle while remaining entirely invisible at night. The twin engines are capable of soundless performance and the plane can hover without manual control, in addition to firing missiles and grenades for the purposes of a direct impact breach.
◼ BATBOAT Stored within The Batcave's lowest level, Batman's aquatic rover is able to submerge to highly-pressurized depths and reach speeds of up to 150 MPH both above and beneath any given surface of water. A track connected to Gotham's sewer system exists connected to the cave for easy deployment. -
N O T A B L E S K I L L S & T A L E N T S N O T A B L E S K I L L S & T A L E N T S
S K I L L (S) ▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔ ◼ MARTIAL ARTS MASTERY From within Ted Grant's gym in Chicago and Ricardo Diaz's compound in South America, to various others in London, Africa, India, and the masters across Asia, leading up to The League of Shadows under Ra's Al Ghul, Wayne studied for many years to become a highly adept combatant. He is skilled in over thirty-seven forms of martial arts picked up in some of the most desolate parts of the Earth, with the only combat teachings that completely eluded him belonging to a rumored mystical city hidden in the Himalayas.
◼ DETECTIVE Taught by Detective Harvey Harris of Chicago, Dan Mallory of Manchester, and Henri Ducard of Paris, Wayne has developed an unparalleled deductive mind. And though he's able to pick up on hidden details of a crime freely, his lessons in satellite surveillance and forensic investigation have made him formidable by many standards.
◼ NINJA Taught by Ra's Al Ghul and his followers during a brief stint with the League of Shadows, Wayne can disappear into the darkness as well as improvise effective distractions seamlessly. With enough training, he was also able to learn how to appear anywhere when fully hidden.
◼ MANHUNTER Taught the tenants of rationing and preservation in addition to isolation tactics, desert survival, and all-terrain tracking in Saudi Arabia, Wayne's final stop on his worldwide tour was in Alaska, where the respected chief William Great Eagle furthered his skills in developing herbal medicine, using first-aid, creating traps, and camoflauging himself.
◼ PAIN TOLERANCE Taught by the mercenary David Cain, Bruce can redirect all forms of pain, including physical torture, into the deepest recesses of his mind through intensive meditation, breathing conservation, disengaging his vitals, and other physiological techniques. -
T A L E N T (S) ▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔ ◼ THIEF TACTICS Taught in France to become a master of wall-climbing, repelling, freerunning, pickpocketing, safe-cracking, and committing a breaking and entering, Wayne can make his way into most locked rooms aswell as steal whatever he needs to complete an objective, whether it be a keycard or a set of vehicle keys. However, he only practices these techniques when nessescary.
◼ WHEELMAN Taught under Santiago Vargas and the legendary car thief Don Miguel in South America, Wayne can operate standard and specialty cars aswell as motorcycles with professional racing levels of precision. His vehicle of choice is a custom souped-up military bridging vehicle decked out in bulletproof armor. Or as he's taken to calling it, The Batmobile.
◼ MASTERY OF THE AIR Taught in Munich to maintain and pilot an aircraft, Wayne also took up the sports of paragliding and skydiving in a bid to erase some lingering fears. To make himself appear more like his animal namesake, it was Lucius Fox's idea to employ an electrostatic exoskeleton in the cloak of his uniform, allowing him to glide considerable distances. -
T H E S T O R Y S O F A R... T H E S T O R Y S O F A R...
When his parents were murdered by a mugger, Bruce Wayne stood to inherit a multi-billion-dollar empire. But upon learning about his family history, he also inherited something much darker. For over two hundred years ago, Gotham City's founding families were murdered in a black mass orchestrated by the deranged Deacon Joseph Blackfire. In a fit of religious mania, the madman believed that by summoning the Biblical bat-demon Barbatos, he and his acolytes would become immortal. Only through the intervention of local townsfolk did Blackfire's unholy ritual come to a brutal end, with the standoff resulting in the survival of the Deacon's accomplice, Amadeus Arkham - his disturbed mind manipulated to serve a dark master. After Arkham was sentenced to spend the rest of his days in chains, locked away in the bowels of his ancestral castle on Arkham Island, it was believed that he had scratched a sigil into the walls to enact a curse against Gotham itself - a curse that, for some, had led to the state of the city's rising tide of violence over the last hundred years. Amadeus was a distant ancestor of Dr. Martha Arkham-Wayne, and her son Bruce was now scarred with the knowledge that he had potentially inherited that same madness.
What always stuck out most in Bruce's mind was the etching that was supposedly left in the walls of Amadeus' cell: incantations in Latin written in a pattern, joining into the shape of a massive, monstrous Bat. But his need to heal from the traumatic event that forever altered the path of his life forced Wayne to push the nightmarish image away. His mental anguish consoled by Martha's closest friend, Leslie Thompkins, Bruce was placed under the guardianship of his considerably irresponsible uncle Phillip, who sent the boy to receive his education overseas rather than make any attempt at parenthood.
With maturity, Bruce had quickly made his way across the world. From Africa to Asia and eventually the whole of Europe, he had earned more than enough education to prepare himself for a law degree, modelling a prospective career after his father, District Attorney Thomas Wayne. But the trauma of his parents' murders loomed large over his every decision, plaguing him with recurring nightmares of a man with a gun and monstrous bat-demons. Returning to Gotham in a bid to reconnect with his roots, Bruce sought out an old family friend: Detective James Gordon, a man whom Thomas Wayne had entrusted with his life on more than one occasion. Gordon was low on the totem pole within the GCPD, but he was the one beacon in a sea of dishonesty. As Bruce looked to the Detective for guidance, Gordon instead advised him to stay as far away from law as possible. Every branch of the city's government had become hopelessly corrupt, and he didn't want Bruce to succumb to a system weighed so heavily against the innocent.
Disillusioned, Wayne realized that to save the city from itself, he'd have to circumvent the law. Using his many overseas contacts, he sought out teachers and mentors of a wildly different sort. And within days, he'd left Gotham a second time to begin his true education. Under the tutelage of the world's masters, Bruce made himself into a weapon. He honed his mind and body, becoming a skilled detective in addition to a seasoned warrior. By the time he was twenty-nine, Bruce finally returned to Gotham City for good as a completely changed man. One willing to bring the fight directly to those who preyed on the desperate, taking up a mask and body armor as an amateur vigilante. But one brutal fight after another led to considerable defeat and, eventually, a near-death experience.
It wasn't just the petty thieves, the mob, and corrupt politicians anymore. Now there were those with unusual abilities - "metahumans", as the world had christened them. And some had come to Gotham to feed off of its suffering - particularly a behemoth known as Bane, who'd quite literally broken Carmine Falcone's mob outfit in half and placed himself at the top.
Bruce needed to meet this evolution of criminality on their level. He needed to utilize extreme methods to strike fear into the worst of them, to become an extension of Gotham's own righteous vengeance. A living, breathing symbol that could effectively mount a revolt against the enemies of justice, no matter how powerful. With that in mind, the symbol that Wayne desired became apparent, having haunted him for most of his waking years. The symbol had been etched in stone as an intended curse. He would use that curse as his shield, acting as a Dark Knight to defend the city from its evils. Bruce Wayne would become a Bat.
But The Gotham Bat, or The Batman as he'd become known, knew that he couldn't fight a battle to save the city alone - he'd need soldiers. Drawn to the same sort of victims of crime that he had once been, Wayne began to seek out like-minded individuals to make up an army of informants. He wouldn't place them in the field, preferring to take on the fighting himself, but he would train them to survive. Soon, the wayward youths of Gotham like Jason Todd, Stephanie Brown, Tim Drake, Cassandra Cain, and Duke Thomas would find themselves drawn into his mission.
They would be the hidden weapon of The Batman's arsenal - with them at his side, Bane and his forces would rue the day that they tried to seize the city for themselves.
P L O T ( S ) & G O A L ( S ) P L O T ( S ) & G O A L ( S )
I think the why of me playing this character is apparent, but my motivation is that I always have a decent amount of ideas to reinvent both Batman's world and his rogues gallery for a game like this. It's been a couple of years since I've stepped into the cape and cowl, and I feel like the time is right to seize it again. The motivation of Batman is the same as it's always been, but I'm altering the details. For one, this isn't a version that's keen on throwing children into colorful costumes and sending them into battle against adults with guns. He didn't grow up with a butler father figure or live in a mansion on the outskirts of town. His father was an attorney instead of a doctor, and Gordon is an old family friend. His playboy persona is less of an old-money layabout and more of a modern-day social media figure that seems to spend as much as he makes. And perhaps most crucially, his appearance in Gotham didn't inspire his enemies to escalate things - their presence inspired him to up his game.
Sidenote, but I know that by claiming the Robins as his personal network, I'm limiting the amount of interaction I can readily have. I have a plan to address that, but these games in the past have become rather Gotham-centric at the expense of other corners of a DC and Marvel world. This is both my attempt to explore a concept inspired by Dark Knights of Steel comic and give the other big names some breathing room.
Ten years ago, mankind achieved first contact with a race that appeared in the skies above. They called themselves The Reach, and they seemed to be benevolent. Their only stated goal was to observe and study humanity in order to advance their own species, and openly promised to exchange technology in return for peace. After lengthy media discourse and summons by the United Nations, it seemed that Earth had generally, though tentatively, agreed to welcome the visitors from the stars. But this peace was never meant to last, as Earth's stagnant population of mutants had already experienced through prejudice and legislation introduced in the 1970's. It was only a matter of time until one side tipped off a potential war against the other. What was discovered when The Reach's true goals were scrutinized was beyond horrifying: far from content to receive Earth's technology, they had actually begun abducting scores of humans for live experimentation. And when answers were demanded of them, The Reach's true colors were revealed when their ships began openly firing upon Earth's armies. For nearly five years, an open hostage crisis gripped the planet as unwelcome visitors began to reshape all that we knew through genetic tampering: those who The Reach returned to the larger population began to experience the emergence of superhuman abilities, not unlike mutants, kicking off renewed paranoia and world-threatening danger.
It was only the arrival of The Superman that turned the tide in Earth's favor. When all seemed lost, this mysterious being with powers beyond that of mortal men intervened directly in The Reach's occupation of Washington, DC and openly fought back, freeing both the captive humans that were left and striking out at the more dangerous members of The Reach's elite guards. It was enough to send the panicked aliens to chart a course back for the stars, creating a distraction for Superman to contend with: a meta-bomb, built by harvesting the DNA of their prisoners and mixing them with samples gathered from across the galaxy. Though The Man of Steel was successful in driving The Reach off of Earth, it was too late to do anything about the bomb. While hundreds had already been irreversibly transformed by the experiments, hundreds of thousands more were bathed in cosmic radiation and gene-altering chemicals. Despite the best efforts of humanity and it's newest champion, the age of the metahuman was born.
Billionaire Maxwell Lord refused to accept this as humanity's destiny. Having been the most outspoken critic of The Reach from the beginning, Lord held vehemently anti-powered views that had become controversial in the modern landscape. But with The Reach's treachery revealed and the meta-bomb's devastation widespread, Max seemed considerably more rational than originally thought. Campaigning against politicians whom he criticized as ineffectual in handling the crisis, Lord's rhetoric was loud and clear: an Earth for humans, no matter the cost. When announcing his bid for President of the United States, his win was already projected to be a landslide. The formality of the actual election simply confirmed what many feared.
With the ruthless Amanda Waller chosen as his VP and Hungarian diplomat Ophelia Sarkissian wed out of political convenience to become First Lady, President Lord began to assemble a like-minded cabinet of those who would enact his vision of a world where humanity was still above those who had climbed the evolutionary chain. Establishing The Agency as the answer to a post-Reach CIA, military checkpoints have been unilaterally set up in Washington aswell as the cities of New York, Metropolis, Gotham, Coast, Gateway, Star, and Central, with more promised to come in an effort to contain the superhuman populace.
On the world stage, metahumans and mutants have never been less welcome. Lord's plans have jeopardized a sizable portion of the population. But they aren't going down without a fight.
This is Ultimate One Universe: Resistance.
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Most of you know the gist by now. This is a canon-based RP of superheroes from both DC Comics and Marvel Comics combined into a shared reality, where players can openly reinvent backstories of legendary characters and play them in a collaborative sandbox. This particular version of it is centered on the fight between costumed superheroes and a tyrannical government looking to outlaw superhumans, so players will have to face half a populace that doesn't necessarily welcome them as saviors ontop of their regular fights against costumed supervillains.
Per the usual, DC and Marvel only.
Heroes and anti-heroes are applicable, outright villains not so much.
All other Guild rules apply.
A L I A S A L I A S
"Witty Quote"
C H A R A C T E R P O R T R A I T C H A R A C T E R P O R T R A I T
C H A R A C T E R S U M M A R Y C H A R A C T E R S U M M A R Y
_________________________________________________________ Given Middle Surname _________________________________________________________ Age | Relationship Status _________________________________________________________ Affiliation(s) [If Applicable] | Nationality
N O T A B L E A B I L I T I E S & T O O L S N O T A B L E A B I L I T I E S & T O O L S
A B I L I T I E S ▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔ ◼ ABILITY Abilities, or Superpowers are characteristics that your character possesses which are considered extraordinary when compared to a standard human. -
T O O L (S) ▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔ ◼ TOOL Tools are weapons or objects employed by your character to fight, defend, or otherwise augment their natural abilities. -
N O T A B L E S K I L L S & T A L E N T S N O T A B L E S K I L L S & T A L E N T S
S K I L L (S) ▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔ ◼ SKILL A skill is a trained expertise or capability. This is something that your character has been to taught to recall or perform such as martial prowess or technological proficiency. -
T A L E N T (S) ▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔ ◼ TALENT A talent is a gift that comes from natural aptitude such as perfect pitch or natural athleticism. This is a boon a character has not had to develop necessarily in the same way others might have. -
T H E S T O R Y S O F A R... T H E S T O R Y S O F A R...
A brief synopsis of your character's life, experiences and training before the RP begins. This is where you outline your vision for the character including any notable changes or differences from the regularly accepted canon. This should be a short summary that provides insight into where the character is in terms of their overall progress and development. You could also include any notable differences from the standard canon you've added to your character.
P L O T ( S ) & G O A L ( S ) P L O T ( S ) & G O A L ( S )
Why do you want to play this character, what is the driving motivation behind both this desire and the character themselves. What do you hope to accomplish and where do you want the character's story/stories to go? For a driving character, there should be enough of an outline present to interest other players along with specifications towards how many players you're looking to involve or available roles. For supporting characters, this should indicate either a plot you've arranged to be part of or the type of plot you're looking to be involved in. Roaming characters have the privilege of doing either or simply stating a roadmap for the character to exemplify how you'd ideally like them to move between plots.
What comics has everyone been reading lately? I've been really into the Absolute run of DC comics, and I've been making my way through Chris Rost's Red Robin run!
Of the comics I've been reading monthly, I've really latched onto the new Ultimate stuff over at Marvel, the Absolute books except Batman, and Batman: Dark Patterns, a new-ish ongoing.
I'm not really a listens to music while writing guy, even though 50% of my personality is made up of playing bass, building pedalboards and now learning the drums.
Oh, neither am I. I find any sort of sound while I'm writing to be distracting.
This place is a ghost town, so let's liven it up: What's a song you would associate with your character?
For me, Robin's mindset is currently this. He's in a low-key fight-or-flight mode where, if he isn't fighting or training to fight, he's lost in a world of regret for how things ended up with his former life. He wants to find a new home with the Titans, but past the bravado that comes with working in the field, his mind keeps trying to justify going back to Gotham.
The three had barely arrived on the scene before the situation escalated from ensuring that civilians made it out of Cinderblock's aftershock to actively preventing them from suffering at the hands of his jailbreaker. As Icicle Jr's initial wave of artic blasts pelted against Green Lantern's personal energy shield, Robin and Martian leaped out of the way of a stray blast that the two had initially thought was meant for them - only for it to encapsulate the area surrounding the civillians that Rayner had just pulled out of a collasping building. A few were immediately frozen solid, while others screamed as giant icicles sprang out of the concrete in a stalagmite formation. The few who were caught in the direct path of ice tried to dodge the coming wave of razor-sharp spikes, only to end up pinned against a partially collapsed wall as the ice rose several feet above the ground. Having landed following a roll, Robin gritted his teeth as Icicle Jr's gleeful laughter managed to drown out the sounds of the chaos. Placing two of his fingers to the back panel of his utility belt, his hand readily accepted the spring-loaded Bird-a-rangs from within a hidden compartment.
He knew that what he was about to do was dangerous. Icicle Jr. was a known metahuman, the successor to a nasty character that an elder group of heroes had dealt with on many occasions. Dick had only skimmed that clown's profile in the files of The Batcomputer when he was studying potential superpowered threats, an idea that had come to him following his initial run-in with Clayface. Being alot younger at the time, Grayson had just assumed the original Icicle was something of a joke - even largely seen by Wally as something of a poor man's Captain Cold - and thought nothing of him since. Muttering a curse for the arrogance of his youth, Robin forced the thought to the back of his mind. It didn't matter how dangerous the newcomer was - people were in immediate danger, and if Icicle wasn't thrown off his guard quickly, someone could easily die. Breaking into a sprint towards the villain, Robin looked over his shoulder at his now hovering teammate.
"Martian, handle the civilians. You could free them faster than anything I've got. I'll cover you while GL's getting a second wind."
Icicle Jr. quickly spotted the approaching former Boy Wonder and grinned. Probably assumed that he'd be the easiest of the three to dispatch, and Robin didn't necessarily disagree. Which is why he had to rely on years of training that taught him the value of using an opponent's ability to underestimate him. It had happened far too many times in Gotham. Even The Penguin had taken one look at the boy in red and green tights and laughed during their first encounter, making a crack about how the scary Bat had taken to working with a multi-colored nestling. One broken nose and fractured rib later, and Cobblepot had suddenly lost his mirth. Dodging the initial retaliatory blast that Icicle shot his way, Robin was determined to repeat history.
Tossing six Bird-a-rangs at his current obstacle, Robin leapt into a hangspring and flicked the button on his gauntlet that released both halves of his bo-staff. As he somersaulted into the air, watching Icicle become momentarily distracted by having to freeze the metal projectiles aimed directly for his extremities, Robin then connected the two ends and shot the completed staff into the pavement, propelling him higher into the air while he launched into a pole vault. Icicle had already managed to spin around by the time that the "Squire" landed hunched atop a street lamp above him.
"Heh, that's really all you got? I thought you Gotham boys liked to play rough!"
Before Robin could let out a retort, Icicle raised a hand and blasted another beam of sub-zero energy. But The Caped Crusader's ex-protege didn't seem particularly phased, spinning the staff in one hand and retrieving a line attached to a hook in the other as he stepped back and dropped from the lamp. As the metal beam above him was encapsulated in thick ice, Robin revealed that the line was still attached - now even more firmly so by Icicle's blast - before diving into an immediate swing. Placing the soles of his boots high into the air, the former Boy Wonder effectively dropkicked Icicle in the face. Sending the villain staggering for a moment, Robin pushed off of him and vaulted in the opposite direction, twisting his body so that his staff connected hard against the back of Icicle's skull.
"Against The Nepo Sno-cone? Hardly seems worth the effort."
Robin smirked as Icicle growled at that, angrily rubbing the back of his blue-skinned head. In his head, Grayson was still evaluating the amount of distance that it had taken to properly distract Icicle enough to pull off his little maneuver. He had barely thrown the Bird-a-rangs from four feet away, which had only managed to distract his target for three and a half seconds. If he really wanted to get Icicle to focus on him and forget the civilians, and potentially even lose sight of what his teammates were doing, he'd have to dig deeper into that wounded pride.
"What's with you cold types and puns, anyway? Was there a convention? Because this is coming from the kid who used to wear pixie boots: it's never worked."
Icicle narrowed his gaze at the mocking protege. "Careful, birdie. Despite appearances, I've got less chill than you think."
Robin responded by vaulting forward and launching an additional eight Bird-a-rangs at him.
"If that was supposed to disprove my point, I've got news."
In a sweeping flash of light, the eight projectiles were rendered useless as they dropped from the air and shattered as balls of ice. Icicle sprinted forward with an outstretched hand, ready to turn Robin into a human popsicle before he could make his next move. What the cold-themed attacker didn't realize was what remained hidden in the former Boy Wonder's hand: a collection of small flash grenades. Icicle had just managed to get within range to flash-freeze the vigilante before he was hit in the face with enough lumons to blind his corneas for ninety seconds. Screaming out in pain, the villain grabbed at his face as he slipped, hitting the side of a nearby car.
He wasn't out by any means. But he was angry.
And Robin's experience, anger always lead to sloppiness.
Very well, where do I begin?
My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet.
My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament.
My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds - pretty standard, really. At the age of twelve, I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles.
There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum... it's breathtaking. I highly suggest you try it.
<div style="white-space:pre-wrap;">Very well, where do I begin? <br><br>My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. <br><br>My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. <br><br>My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds - pretty standard, really. At the age of twelve, I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. <br><br>There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum... it's breathtaking. I highly suggest you try it.</div>