Avatar of Obscene Symphony

Status

Recent Statuses

7 days ago
Current LSAT takers lucking out like never before
8 days ago
Hard disagree. Everyone should simp for me
2 likes
11 days ago
AI has been a net negative to humanity and I will not be convinced otherwise
3 likes
14 days ago
Our guests have gone home and the kitchen was easy to clean. The house is spotless and the baby is sleeping. Life is good.
5 likes
18 days ago
AI is awful and I hate it but forums have been slowing down a lot longer than that. I think it's because the forum generation has just grown up and gotten new priorities (jobs, families, etc).
4 likes

Bio

child of the storm


I had a baby! :D

If you're interested in some short completed pieces of mine beyond my regular RP posts, feel free to rifle through my filing cabinet here.

About me:
  • Birth year 1998
  • Female
  • Canadian
  • Married!
  • Mother!!!
  • Time zone: Atlantic, GMT-4 (one hour ahead of EST)
  • Currently judging your grammar
  • Not usually looking for 1x1s but if you're really jonesing, my PMs are always open
  • Discord Obscene#1925

Most Recent Posts

@themaybreeze Sounds good! I'm brainstorming something along those same lines for the Planes. Excited for a CS!

For everyone else's reference, I'm going to stick with a stuffy and sheltered royal Planes mage. I'm thinking very classic wizard-y style of magic with lots of scrolls and incantations and studying.

Question though: what age range would be expected for a royal mage?
@themaybreeze Thank you very much for your well wishes! Motherhood is the best thing that ever happened to me, but I'm also excited to get back into my old hobbies.

You know, in my decade-plus of RPing I don't think I've ever been in an RP with a posting order. Should be an interesting new experience.

As for the Planes, off the top of my head I was picturing a very wealthy and decadent nation where the upper class live in leisure and luxury, largely disconnected from the daily life of common folk. I figure they'd have plenty of agriculture and other natural resource industries to make them a very rich continent, and I'm really enjoying the vibe of a royal mage studying the mysteries of the universe in a solarium full of sunshine and exotic plants. Maybe the Royal family is as aloof and out-of-touch as any other Planes nobility and found it convenient to appoint their magical nephew or whoever as the royal mage rather than have the whole thing devolve into even more of a scandal.

I can expand upon this but these were the first ideas I had. Let me know if they seem like a good fit for what you're envisioning.
I might toss my hat in. I have half an idea for a Planes mage who happens to also be a member of the royal family. Silver spoon, sheltered, quite comfortable with the status quo... for now.

How much flexibility is there for the culture and government structure of your chosen continent? (Beyond the blurbs in the OP ofc)

Also, as a disclaimer, I do have a 9 month old baby so while I'm reasonably confident I can meet regular posting and length requirements, I can't promise I'll be around for 24/7 OOC chatting (unfortunately).
The elf girl, dressed in rags that only barely gave her modesty[...]

This is a bit clunky - reads very RP-ish, which isn't what you're going for. At the very least I'd change "gave" to something like "preserved," but I think it's better to put this description elsewhere. It doesn't seem to belong in this paragraph - this paragraph isn't about what Mara looks like, it's about where she is and what she's doing. Remember, your audience needs shockingly little visual information to be immersed in the scene.

Casually, as if leading the man to bed, she lifted him over her shoulder and carried him.

This comparison is unclear. I'm not sure what you're getting at. Are you trying to invoke a sexual image here or something more like a parent carrying a sleeping child to bed?

For the same magical affinity that let her resist magic let her learn to wield it.

This isn't a complete sentence (can't start with this version of "for"). It should be linked to the previous sentence somehow. I know we use incomplete sentences for creative effect sometimes but this one doesn't land.

her smooth skin was somewhere between a soft tan and a fine marble white[...]

This seems like kind of a wide range, and at first it made me think she was mottled in colour like a cat or something. I'd recommend just picking a particular colour and sticking with that.

The words came out like the silence between words, noticeable by the absence they left in the very air.

This is clunky. Having "words" twice so close together is awkward to read, and the simile doesn't make sense since when speaking normally, there are no silences between words. It's also not quite clear if this is dramatic wording or if her words are literally sucking the sound out of the air (up to you if you want to clarify - not necessary). For a similar dramatic effect, I'd try comparing the words of the chant to something like the space between heartbeats, since that evokes more tension (but that's up to you).

Typos: "reagant" should be "reagent" and "breath" in the third-last paragraph should be "breathe." Paragraph starting with "And through it all, she had grit her teeth" isn't spaced properly from preceding paragraph.

These are the things that jumped out at me as I read them at midnight, lol. They're small nitpicks because the prologue in general is pretty good. I've seen published books that read much worse. Not bad!


“The truth is only hidden to those who do not seek it…”

Maya gasped as she awoke, and promptly coughed as her lungs filled with essential oil vapours. When her fit was done, she was momentarily confused as she blinked at her surroundings, but it all came back to her quickly. She was in the bath; specifically, she was in her new, massive, custom-made tub, sized more like a large hot tub than a bath, built into the floor of her newly-renovated master bathroom at the top of one of Juniperus’ most exclusive condo buildings. She was surrounded by glossy black marble tiles, gently illuminated by a host of floating candles, and enshrouded in a dense fog of chamomile-and-rose-scented steam.

She shook her head, reclining back against the side of the tub. That dream again. She must have drifted off in the bath. No wonder; she glanced to her left, where the sky was just starting to lighten in her floor-to-ceiling window, the last few stars finally winking out as inky blackness slowly turned to blue. Normally, the only thing that could get her up this early was a golden hour photoshoot, but ever since that dream came to her in the middle of the night, she couldn’t sleep a wink. Well, until now, apparently.

Maya was hardly one for analyzing dreams - she'd leave that new age stuff to the tiktokers - but it was odd that she couldn't seem to shake this one. She usually didn't remember her dreams at all, or if she did, they didn't usually recur. And this one wasn't even scary or particularly interesting; she couldn't think of any reason it should have stuck with her so firmly. Yet here she was. A bath was supposed to clear her head, not bring the dream back. Although, she supposed it must have relaxed her enough to get a few extra winks, so that was something.

The sharp buzz of her phone on the tile next to her startled her yet again, but it provided a welcome distraction. Maya grabbed it before it could wander into the water, ignoring the torrent of notifications for the moment in favour of opening her camera. Cheesecloth pouches of oats floated around her, turning the water milky and opaque, and rehydrated rose petals from her bath bombs provided a nice pop of colour to compliment the candles; the first few rays of sunlight even made an appearance to give the steam a dreamy glow. She carefully poked one knee up out of the water (quite chastely, of course), making sure to catch the label of one of her sponsors’ products in the frame, before spending a few minutes composing an Instagram post.

“Soaking up the last sunrise of the millennium ☀️😊
How are YOU spending the last day of the 900’s? 👀
#NewYearNewMe #MillenniumFestival
#Bathfluencer #FlowUp”

She made sure to tag the manufacturer of the bath kit she used, as well as her skin care partners and her own new collaborative line of scented oils, attaching shop links to the relevant parts of the photo with practiced ease. After all, if she was going to be up this early, she might as well make it worth her while.

~ /// ~

Maya’s freakishly early start made a long day even longer, but she couldn't argue with the results: By the time her limousine rolled up to the Cathedra Incepta, she had enough sponsor placements littered through the day’s content to pay her security budget for the coming year, and a couple of emails from new brands with collab pitches that Maya intended to leave unread for the next several days at least. As a bonus, she already had #SeenAtTheMillenniumFestival trending, and her followers were positively teeming with anticipation for who she'd find to collab with throughout the night. She was dressed to the nines in a new dress from a new designer she was working with, and Edmund was even looking presentable, and all with only a couple of hunger-induced outbursts.

Not bad for a day’s work, in her opinion.

And her designer did not disappoint. When she stepped onto the red carpet, she was the very picture of glamorous elegance. Her dress was nearly black, the only indication of any color being ripples of dark blues and turquoises on the skirt and the dearest rim of white along the hem, like a tiny cresting wave. It might have looked plain, but the true character of the dress came out when Maya stepped out of the car: In the light, previously invisible black-on-black embroidery shimmered to life, depicting the gnarled and curling arms of a sea monster unfurling around the bodice and down the skirt, lurking just within the dark fabric. The dress had a high neck, but no sleeves, kept modest by a black fur stole wrapped around Maya’s shoulders. A black gossamer veil completed the look, invisible save for the matching crystals that made her long black hair look like a night sky full of stars.

It was with some displeasure, then, that Maya realized she might have been the first Scion to arrive at the cathedral. Dammit, her early start got her ahead of schedule, but she didn’t think she’d be this far ahead! Ugh, half the audience wouldn’t even be watching the ceremony broadcast this early; she didn’t put all this work in just to be missed by people still busy making dinner!

But it was too late now; she was out, and the cameras were on her. Maya met them with a flawless smile, of course, stalwart in the face of this unfolding disaster, and comforted herself with the thought that this would make her look like the most pious of the current crop of Scions.

She was already mentally composing a tweet about being so lucky to spend an extra few minutes with the Goddess when a reporter met her on the red carpet. He flashed a treatment-white smile at Maya and shoved a microphone in her face. “Scion Maya, it’s big news that you recently became the biggest account on Instagram, breaking a ten-year record for highest follower count. What’s your secret, Your Holiness?”

Maya returned the reporter’s smile with a winning one of her own, looking positively radiant and completely humbled. “Honestly Drew, I don’t think I have a secret,” she replied sweetly. There was about a 60% chance that this was the reporter she thought it was. “Everything I have comes from The Goddess, and if She’s choosing to reach out to the younger generation through social media, then I’m just honoured to be able to facilitate that.”

“Wow, what a beautiful sentiment,” said the reporter, glancing at the camera. Either he was the one Maya thought he was, or he wasn't willing to correct a Scion on his proper name. Either option worked for Maya. “Thank you very much Your Holiness, and enjoy the night!”

“Thank you so much, Drew,” Maya added intently, turning to the camera herself to blow a kiss. “And may the blessing of the Mother go with you and all your viewers in the new year!”

The reporter moved on to the next Scion arriving, and Maya took advantage of the momentary distraction, slowing to walk beside Edmund and producing her phone.

“Hang back and get a good shot of me going through the doors,” she whispered, tapping his forearm. “It’ll be perfect to close off my Year in Review.”

She gave Edmund a knowing smirk and walked on again, making sure to strike an appropriately awed and pensive pose under the imposing arch of the cathedral’s historic doors before proceeding inside. She didn’t bother to look behind her, quite confident that Edmund would get the shot.

“Kasper, you’re sly with your flattery,” Maya gently teased, stretching up to kiss his cheek in a customary Doumercène greeting he’d be familiar with. She slipped into her genial persona like a well-fitting glove, smiling warmly at Kasper. “But you’re going to upstage all of us. Truly stunning - I’d expect nothing less.” She winked.

“Kasper, you’re sly with your flattery,” Maya gently teased, stretching up to kiss his cheek in a customary Doumercène greeting he’d be familiar with. She slipped into her genial persona like a well-fitting glove, smiling warmly at Kasper. “But you’re going to upstage all of us. Truly stunning - I’d expect nothing less.” She winked.

“Kasper, you’re sly with your flattery,” Maya gently teased, stretching up to kiss his cheek in a customary Doumercène greeting he’d be familiar with. She slipped into her genial persona like a well-fitting glove, smiling warmly at Kasper. “But you’re going to upstage all of us. Truly stunning - I’d expect nothing less.” She winked.

“If necessary,” he responded flatly, “But I haven’t slapped you yet, have I?” Everyone already talked, that wasn’t a new occurrence. Besides, he always said he’d fight any man, and he meant any man.

“If necessary,” he responded flatly, “But I haven’t slapped you yet, have I?” Everyone already talked, that wasn’t a new occurrence. Besides, he always said he’d fight any man, and he meant any man.
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