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    1. Over Illusion 7 yrs ago

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@Turboshitter

As I said previously, please remove the rank-up on elemental attacks from the Personal Skill.

As I said previously, please change the range on the hut.

It's worth noting that you can call the prana furnace "inexhaustible" but it's really not, otherwise the Counter Force would break you over its knee.

The pestle cannot extend indefinitely as shifting it like that will require prana expenditure.

The mortar cannot carry an infinite amount of things as that would be Spatial Quarantine.

@Jangel13

Review of the revised version coming shortly, I must first increase my BAC.
@Turboshitter
Apologies, Fiddle and I will review this when the color has been changed so as to harm our eyes less.
@Jangel13

Class: Saber

Justify qualification for the class.

We have two sheets currently in contention for the remaining Saber slot, so your odds of getting in are low.

STR: S

S is not a rank.

CON: A

AGI: A

MGI: B

LCK: C

Please justify parameters of this level.

Class Skills: Saber class abilities allow him to use his dragon blade to destroy his enemies in a spectacular fashion. He has the ability to summon his dragon spirit to help him in a fight.

These are not Class Skills.

Personal Skills: Certain abilities a Heroic Spirit may have, such as Charisma, Artistic Talent, etc. Keep close to the legend; modifiers are temporary rank ups, not a rating of how good it is. Limit of three.

This is empty. This should not be empty.

Noble Phantasm(s):
Able to use his sword to summon a blue flame dragon to his aid aiming it at his enemy to destroy them.

Name: Fire of Ōshu

Title: Wrath of the one eyed dragon!

Rank: EX

NP Type: Anti-Army

Range: 3

Maximum Number of Targets: 100

Description: Summons a dragon from his sword that comes out of his sword and appears by his side. The dragon is dark blue and made from blue fire and stands 3 stories tall and roars as it stands next to Date. When he summons it and says "go Wrath of the one eyed Dragon!" and he thrusts his sword forward and the dragon strikes straight through destroying any enemies in its path that are unable to block it or dodge it.

Why does having a title with the word "dragon" in it give him an EX-ranked Noble Phantasm where he summons a dragon?

On the whole, I will be blunt in saying that this sheet baffles me. Very serious revision will need to be undergone before it is properly eligible for consideration.
@Over Illusion

]1. I'll change it right away.

2. I originally meant the skill to use True Ether-elemental damage, but even though it's been tainted with the blood of Jesus Christ, I think it would make his Noble Phantasm far too strong for the Master or the Servant to handle. I'm keeping the long-range, Excalibur-ish beam of light, but I'm a lot more comfortable changing the element of the Noble Phantasm's attack to Fire, with bonus damage to Evil-alignment Servants.

3. That's workable. I'll get it done right now, as well.

4. I think I'll need to ask permission before increasing this NP's rank to anything above B. The Holy Lance is indeed a relevant artifact in Modern Christianity, but would it be fair to raise it to a rank rivaling or nearing that of Excalibur? Or would that be too powerful for this iteration of the Holy Grail War?


True Ether isn't an element, it's just a type of magical energy. If you're giving additional damage then I'll need a metric. I'd also appreciate justification for why it's stronger against Evil-Aligned.

Longinus is viewed as in the same light as Rhongomyniad according to the latter's sheet, so I personally wouldn't have any issue with placing it on the level of Rhon. Of course, prana cost would scale with that as well. Best to check if Fiddle has any objection to that himself, though.
Alright I'm no longer dying so:

@Kalleth
For Saber, please add in Class Skill descriptions before I do a proper look-over. I'm also assuming you're changing some stuff based on what you said in the Discord.

For Nick, why did this tutor go out of their way to find some kid with mediocre circuits and teach them? Were they just weird like that?

Also, as an aside, the General Fundamentals course takes five years to complete, and that was for a guy who was hailed as a prodigy. Very unlikely he'd be able to do it in less, all the more so when you've got all his other stuff.

Keep in mind that the fist wraps will only let you plunder Od, which is very small in how much energy there is compared to mana. Also, I will be blunt in warning you that if you punch a Servant with those on, there is a very decent probability you will explode.

The gloves don't really work the way you want them to as far as the positive feedback loop goes, since the amount of prana you get from punching someone isn't going to be very much at all. If you punch someone, you'll only be getting a few units of prana from them per punch, so you can maybe make the subsequent punch a bit stronger, but the second punch won't be any stronger than the third, and won't be much stronger than the first.




@ADamnFiddle @Over Illusion What do you think would be appropriate prep time for the hut and the horsemen? I was thinking the hut could maybe be built over the course of a couple days, and imbuing all four horsemen with E-Rank Servant power would take maybe a week.


Two days for the hut is fine.

Recall what I said about Servant-tier familiars. Avicebron's, which require 800 year old materials and additional prep, aren't at that level at all, and even Paracelsus's Elementals which require making a philosopher's stone as step one aren't. If you want the horsemen to reach the level of Servants, it'll take more time than the Grail War will last for. I recommend scaling them down so you can make creating them more feasible within the time constraints of the Grail's activity.




Decided to drop Agüeybana and replacing her with a newer, more well-known Servant of the same class.

So, let's make this Swift and deadly. Presenting another Rule 63'd warrior who fights with a pointy stick: Meet Longinus, better known as that one "guy" who pierced Jesus Christ's waist with his Lance to make sure he was dead.



So, how about it?


Change the description for Saint to one more in line with the canon one.

I'm not sure what "Holy-elemental damage" is for the NP's purposes.

STR to C, CON to C, AGI to B.

While this isn't technically a problem, the lance is kind of a big deal in canon, so you could raise it above C rank if you're so inclined.




I made an Archer who focused on skills more due to what his legend provided so hopefully he is fine. I believe he is up for review~



Hopefully Archer isn't too over the top, if anything needs to be changed, just shoot me the areas that need revisions to them~


Instinct isn't seeing the future, it's feeling the future. I recommend removing it and sticking with Clairvoyance.

Vitrification isn't blending into the environment so much as just mental interference protection by being so calm; the emulation of PC is more akin to something that arises from the plus modifier in not!Kojiro's case, so remove that bit.

The first NP doesn't feel justified in being an NP given that you're basically using an NP slot to get two extra Personal Skill slots. I'd recommend removing Instinct, redoing Clairvoyance accordingly, and subbing in Uncrowned to the then-open slot.

I don't really see the point of the second Noble Phantasm, since Eternal Arms Mastership just prevents mental interference from messing with your fighting skills, but Vitrification blocks out mental interference already, so it feels very redundant. Also the same issue as above applies in that this is basically just using an NP slot as a skill slot. As an aside, even EMIYA can make his arrows into curveballs, so something like that is fairly standard for Archers.



I've been busy recently, so I've missed some things, but looking back it seems like a few people are quite against Achilles. Maybe I'll switch him for another hero.


Don't feel obligated to by any means; neither Fiddle nor myself have any objections with him from a balancing perspective. If you would like to then you're welcome to, but yeah listen to your heart.



I expect to have my Master application done soon. I've ran into a few issues, but I guess that everything shall be alright by this weekend.


Neat.
@ADamnFiddle
Has there been a second Saber yet? I saw Mordred was here, and thought 'how about that other big traitorous knight?' I've been thinking of playing him for a while now, and he's pretty easy to fit into the one NP, three skills mould.

(Apologies to Tite Kubo)



CON to C.

Remove the horse.

Golden Rule to D+ since he's not surpassing Gil with the modifier active.

Justify Instinct.

Keep in mind the NP's a curse and will be fucked by anti-curse stuff of a sufficient grade.



@Over Illusion

If you're looking for some historical explanations for Agüeybana's Noble Phantasm, I've come up with a few.

Defense Nullifying Effect ~ The original Taino tribe would go into battle wearing little to no clothing or armor. Just like the description of the Noble Phantasm states, the spear would be able to even out the disadvantage by ignoring the opponent's armor... As if they were riding into battle bollock naked.

Explosive Throwing Spear ~ Fun fact: The English word "hurricane" comes from the name of the Taino deity of storms, Juracán. You can see where this is going already. Instead of a rapid release of concentrated mana, a large Wind-elemental shock wave or a cyclone could be materialized instead.

(Lemme know if you're buying this shit.)


The defense nullification is a very big stretch unless there's something else you have to add to it. The spear could maaaaybe be viable if Lancer specifically has any sort of link to Juracán, say being viewed as an incarnation of Juracán or something, but otherwise yeah there's really no connection.
<Snipped quote by Over Illusion>

I'm sorry about the Magic Resistance modifier, I totally thought I got rid of it.

Actually, yes, there is documentation of this Heroic Spirit actually existing. Like I mentioned in the History section, I loosely based her off of the original Arawak/Taino Chief of the same name... And I turned him into a girl, but that's nothing new to any Fate fan.

As for her spear, I had to make it up with bits and pieces from Puerto Rico's mythology and culture, since there is no recorded instance of a particular spear used by Agüeybana. The components of the transfigured spear—the wooden shaft carved from the Maga tree and the stone head carved from a holy artifact (zemi)—all come from materials that actually exist. The Maga tree produces the sturdiest wood out of all the island's endemic trees, and its flower is currently Puerto Rico's National Flower. The zemi are small stone sculptures that bear the faces of the Tainos' holy deities.

The Atlatl is a real weapon used by actual Native Americans that launched short spears using leverage as a long-range alternative to a bow and arrow. I'm personally not sure if the Taino people had access to the weapon, but it's a characteristic weapon of the "Indians" that were also conquered by Columbus.

As for the throwing spear, I admit to making it a shittier copy of Gáe Bolg...


No right, I understand the historical figure itself, what I was asking for anecdotes for are specifically the spear-throwing and the defense nullification. Any sort of anecdotes that, if you squint, taking something like "ignores armor class" as an effect makes sense to some degree, things like that.

Either way I'll talk this over with Fiddle when he's off work.



@SSW
Will give it a look-over later today. I don't believe we have another Saber sans Mordred.
@Seirei No Hai
Ragnar is good to go, though I would recommend keeping my earlier remark in mind when you consider strategy.
@Gummy1295
Yeah, must have missed that, my bad.

Remove the modifier from Magic Resistance. Like Fiddle said, Protection from Wind covers that already, so there's no need for it.

Please justify the defense nullification aspect of the spear, as well as the thrown attack. Are there historical anecdotes or anything like that you're pulling from?



As for the range, I worded it that way because even if a target is out of range, both her NPs are highly mobile and can simply reposition.


If this was the case then every Rider's NP would be 1-99.

For the Bounded Field, it should be the range of the Bounded Field itself. You can use Bloodfort as inspiration, but since it's a hut it should be a decent amount smaller.

For the mortar and pestle, range should be 1, since it only affects itself and Caster.
@Turboshitter
Remove the rank-up from elemental magecraft. I also question the logic of an A++ skill when her Divine Spirit aptitude is D, but I'll leave that to Fiddle.

You didn't reply to my comments on the range for both NPs.

I'm not really sure what makes these horsemen special. As an aside, it's good to remember that they won't be Servant-tier unless they take crazy crazy prep. Super Golem Man's golems, made with 800 year old materials over the course of days, are super below Servant-tier and it takes his NP to reach that realm, and Paracelsus's Elemental Masses, while capable of helping out in a fight against Servants (though not Servant-level themselves) require a crazy amount of prep including making a philosopher's stone.

Keep in mind if you're saying the Territory comes with a prana furnace, the time needed to deploy it will increase by a fair amount, in the interests of balancing, since we're talking about an NP-grade prana furnace without the limitations of something like the bookmonster.

Speaking of time, I'll talk to Fiddle about what a suitable length of time needed to set up the Territory and make a Horseman should be, and we'll get back to you on that.






That should do it.

@ADamnFiddle


Unless Fiddle has objections, Cu's fine.



If this is still open, I have a Master concept that needs brushing up and an F/GO Assassin in mind. I'll probably do some more reading up before I throw out my Master idea. As for my Assassin, I'm not sure if he will qualify or not. Seems like his skills are already translated, though.


We have Sanson's Grand Order Materials, so he's good to go. The individuals for whom the "no full information" clause applies to are Strange Fake Servants, and Grand Order Servants released after the USAica chapter. That said, Grand Order Materials IV, covering everything up to and including Goetia, is coming out in just over a week, so if we're somehow still in the app process by then, the eligible Servants from there will be possible as well.
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