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Pierce the Heavens with your spoon!
STATUS: Starting new YouTube show, Hell Yeah Gaming! Lots of work to do still, but getting me to 100 subs for a custom URL would be of tremendous help! youtube.com/user/DarthGlamd… 7 yrs ago
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Starting new YouTube show, Hell Yeah Gaming! Lots of work to do still, but getting me to 100 subs for a custom URL would be of tremendous help! youtube.com/user/DarthGlamd…
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"I am so glad you asked, Zhou!" the fly exclaimed, buzzing right near the Chinese general's head. A second later and he transformed once again, this time into the form of a medieval knight wearing a full suit of plate armor. A red cross emblazoned across the chest of his armor, a steel longsword in his right hand, a helmet covering his entire head, yet the afro remained, perched atop the helm. He tapped each of Zhou's shoulders, and in an instant the young man felt his body surging with an unknown, mystical energy.
"I dub thee, Sir Yu, knight of the Round Cheese." As everyone blinked, the table they sat at transformed into a large wheel of Swiss Cheese, complete with holes. Crocus carved a piece out with his longsword, and somehow ate it right off the blade, through his helmet. A moment later he let out a massive, grotesque belch. As he did so, rainbow slinkies emerged from the face plate of his helm, which began to slink all around the room. Up the tables. Down the chairs. Along the walls. Atop the heads of the Mad God's "guests." All over, really. "I have granted you some magical powers, so now you'll be capable of a bit more than you normally would be. No need to thank me. You'll need them to keep up with Bruno and Benny. ANYWAY!"
Crocus slammed his metal-clad fist onto the cheese-table, which rippled like a pool of water, yet somehow remained solid enough for his fist to collide and come to a stop. "It's time for your first job. I'm going to transport you all into a whole new world, and no that isn't an Aladdin reference so don't ask. This is a story as old as time itself. A classic, really. There isn't anybody that doesn't know this story. For your very first mission I want you to rescue a beautiful princess from the horrible dungeon of the evil black knight!"
He spoke each word with a tone of reverence, like he held the idea of the story itself in some manner of esteem that was to be respected by even the most entitled. Once his little speech ended, the god of chaos straightened himself up, sheathed the longsword, and waved his hand. Suddenly, all went black for each of the three that had been gathered.
It felt as though existence itself had been torn from the perception of the trio summoned by Crocus. They existed, but didn't. They were aware, but there seemed to be nothing to be aware of around them. Darkness, emptiness, nothingness... But then little dots of light began to appear, one by one. Soon they were swarmed with small dots. Stars. The trio of Zhou Yu, Bruno the Undead Axeman, and Benny Bones were surrounded by stars in the black of space itself. They each had a moment to take in the sheer beauty of their surroundings, before they were interrupted by... Words? And a musical score blaring in their heads!
"I dub thee, Sir Yu, knight of the Round Cheese." As everyone blinked, the table they sat at transformed into a large wheel of Swiss Cheese, complete with holes. Crocus carved a piece out with his longsword, and somehow ate it right off the blade, through his helmet. A moment later he let out a massive, grotesque belch. As he did so, rainbow slinkies emerged from the face plate of his helm, which began to slink all around the room. Up the tables. Down the chairs. Along the walls. Atop the heads of the Mad God's "guests." All over, really. "I have granted you some magical powers, so now you'll be capable of a bit more than you normally would be. No need to thank me. You'll need them to keep up with Bruno and Benny. ANYWAY!"
Crocus slammed his metal-clad fist onto the cheese-table, which rippled like a pool of water, yet somehow remained solid enough for his fist to collide and come to a stop. "It's time for your first job. I'm going to transport you all into a whole new world, and no that isn't an Aladdin reference so don't ask. This is a story as old as time itself. A classic, really. There isn't anybody that doesn't know this story. For your very first mission I want you to rescue a beautiful princess from the horrible dungeon of the evil black knight!"
He spoke each word with a tone of reverence, like he held the idea of the story itself in some manner of esteem that was to be respected by even the most entitled. Once his little speech ended, the god of chaos straightened himself up, sheathed the longsword, and waved his hand. Suddenly, all went black for each of the three that had been gathered.
Prologue Complete
It felt as though existence itself had been torn from the perception of the trio summoned by Crocus. They existed, but didn't. They were aware, but there seemed to be nothing to be aware of around them. Darkness, emptiness, nothingness... But then little dots of light began to appear, one by one. Soon they were swarmed with small dots. Stars. The trio of Zhou Yu, Bruno the Undead Axeman, and Benny Bones were surrounded by stars in the black of space itself. They each had a moment to take in the sheer beauty of their surroundings, before they were interrupted by... Words? And a musical score blaring in their heads!
Joshua was slightly caught off guard by the paladin's answer, but wasn't terribly surprised by it. After all, he had made the journey all the way across the former USA from California to Florida. Why couldn't this paladin as well? Still, he looked to be on the young side for a human, so it was a little surprising he hadn't been born into the DC chapter. Before he could respond to the words of this Brotherhood soldier, the woman that had hired them gave a final address, stating that the next round was on her and where to meet, or be left behind. Joshua smiled quiet and content through the cheers that erupted from the gesture. She'd regret that promise. He would make sure of it.
"You're a long way from home, paladin lord Crane. You're right though, I came from Mariposa, though originally I lived in a vault. Both were a long long time ago. But enough reminiscing. We'll have plenty of time to talk when our group departs." Without another word, Joshua pushed passed the Brotherhood codenamed Omen and stopped at the bar, setting his barrel of wine down on the counter. He then spoke to Rusty with a smile. "Bartender. Another."
The next morning, Joshua sat at the edge of the meeting place. He had been here for many hours, and hadn't slept in all that time. Not that he didn't need to, but mutants required far less than humans did and he had had a pretty lazy day. Besides, sitting in one place, unmoving, it didn't eat up much energy, so as it was only a few minutes before dawn he felt quite refreshed and energetic. Joshua poured the last of his wine into his mouth, swallowed with a gulp, and set the barrel down gently on the ground. Alcohol resistance was another perk to being a super mutant, so thankfully his downing all that drink didn't inebriate him in the slightest. Of course, mutants weren't perfect, and Joshua was overcome with a sudden sense of urgency, that same one that affects all living creatures when they inevitably remember that what goes in must also come out.
The mutant stood, stretching his limbs out, then rushed over to the nearest structure he could find, then with a deep, heavy sigh, began to relieve himself.
"You're a long way from home, paladin lord Crane. You're right though, I came from Mariposa, though originally I lived in a vault. Both were a long long time ago. But enough reminiscing. We'll have plenty of time to talk when our group departs." Without another word, Joshua pushed passed the Brotherhood codenamed Omen and stopped at the bar, setting his barrel of wine down on the counter. He then spoke to Rusty with a smile. "Bartender. Another."
The next morning, Joshua sat at the edge of the meeting place. He had been here for many hours, and hadn't slept in all that time. Not that he didn't need to, but mutants required far less than humans did and he had had a pretty lazy day. Besides, sitting in one place, unmoving, it didn't eat up much energy, so as it was only a few minutes before dawn he felt quite refreshed and energetic. Joshua poured the last of his wine into his mouth, swallowed with a gulp, and set the barrel down gently on the ground. Alcohol resistance was another perk to being a super mutant, so thankfully his downing all that drink didn't inebriate him in the slightest. Of course, mutants weren't perfect, and Joshua was overcome with a sudden sense of urgency, that same one that affects all living creatures when they inevitably remember that what goes in must also come out.
The mutant stood, stretching his limbs out, then rushed over to the nearest structure he could find, then with a deep, heavy sigh, began to relieve himself.
Bah, everyone annoys Akoni. I mean a true rival and enemy like what you've got with what's-his-face. :P
He did tell her off for a moment back at the *ahem* library of the Charred Citadel, but that's it.
Wish I had a rival. :(
Now all that's left is the library.
Don't look at me. >.> Actually, where's Kafka? Kafka's usually really good at posting consistently. @Kafka Komedy
At the punchline of Benny's joke, the crocodile-waiter-afro man let our hysterical laughter. He laughed and laughed and chortled and smiled a great big crocodile smile, then took to the floor and rolled around guffawing and laughing. This went on for at least two full minutes before he stood up again, on two legs, and wiped a tear from his right eye. Finally he addressed his three guests. He gestured for Benny to join them down on the main floor and pulled a chair out for her, which she suddenly found herself sitting in despite not having taken any steps.
"I believe that Bruno is searching for his axe. Don't worry my good man, here you are!" The being snapped his fingers (how does a walking afro-crocodile even do that?) and Bruno suddenly found his axe, for it was in his hand! Perhaps it was there the whole time, but who could really say for sure? "Well my guests, since you are unable to pay for your meals, and Benny is unable to pay booth rent for our comedy stage-" The performer pay the venue? Now that was a load. "-I'm afraid you'll have to work it off. Please, allow me to introduce myself... For I! Am! Crocus! God of Chaos! Master of the universe!"
As Crocus spoke, fireworks went off in the night sky above them (wait, hadn't there been a ceiling there?), each one exploding in the shape of his name. In fact, the stars spelled out his name. Repeatedly. And now he stood in front of a large billboard with a holographic 3D projection of his name. And where exactly was that hard rock guitar sound coming from? Was he truly a god? It would definitely explain some of the more bizarre happenings, that was certain, but how could his word be trusted? Was this all just a dream?
In case you're wondering, none of this is a dream." Crocus waved his palm and all the fanfare around them vanished without a trace. Well, all of it except for the hard rock guitar, for the sounds merely decreased from fortissimo to piano. "Here's the deal. We're going to have some fun for my amusement. When I feel that you have all paid off your tabs, you will be released back to your native environment. Zhou will even get a second chance to show up that jerkbag Zhuge Lang! And who knows, you may even get a little something something out of the experience for yourself. Sound good? Don't answer that, because you have no choice and I don't care." The crocodile snapped his fingers yet again, transforming into a fly. A perfectly normal, tiny fly. With an afro large enough for a normal man. He buzzed around them before landing on the table they all sat at. In the same instant, the group members noticed that some manner of device had appeared attached to their hips. For those that had belts, the device was lashed onto it. For those that didn't have belts, well, now they did. Your welcome.
The device looked remarkably like a beeper from the 1980s, but the digital readout currently stated Favor: 0 upon each. "For all the entertainment you provide me, you'll each earn Favor from me. Favor earns you favors. See what I did there? God's Favor? Favors? Eh? Eeeeeh? Shutup, it's hilarious. Anyway, between games you can use Favor to get anything you want from me, so long as you can afford it!"
"I believe that Bruno is searching for his axe. Don't worry my good man, here you are!" The being snapped his fingers (how does a walking afro-crocodile even do that?) and Bruno suddenly found his axe, for it was in his hand! Perhaps it was there the whole time, but who could really say for sure? "Well my guests, since you are unable to pay for your meals, and Benny is unable to pay booth rent for our comedy stage-" The performer pay the venue? Now that was a load. "-I'm afraid you'll have to work it off. Please, allow me to introduce myself... For I! Am! Crocus! God of Chaos! Master of the universe!"
As Crocus spoke, fireworks went off in the night sky above them (wait, hadn't there been a ceiling there?), each one exploding in the shape of his name. In fact, the stars spelled out his name. Repeatedly. And now he stood in front of a large billboard with a holographic 3D projection of his name. And where exactly was that hard rock guitar sound coming from? Was he truly a god? It would definitely explain some of the more bizarre happenings, that was certain, but how could his word be trusted? Was this all just a dream?
In case you're wondering, none of this is a dream." Crocus waved his palm and all the fanfare around them vanished without a trace. Well, all of it except for the hard rock guitar, for the sounds merely decreased from fortissimo to piano. "Here's the deal. We're going to have some fun for my amusement. When I feel that you have all paid off your tabs, you will be released back to your native environment. Zhou will even get a second chance to show up that jerkbag Zhuge Lang! And who knows, you may even get a little something something out of the experience for yourself. Sound good? Don't answer that, because you have no choice and I don't care." The crocodile snapped his fingers yet again, transforming into a fly. A perfectly normal, tiny fly. With an afro large enough for a normal man. He buzzed around them before landing on the table they all sat at. In the same instant, the group members noticed that some manner of device had appeared attached to their hips. For those that had belts, the device was lashed onto it. For those that didn't have belts, well, now they did. Your welcome.
The device looked remarkably like a beeper from the 1980s, but the digital readout currently stated Favor: 0 upon each. "For all the entertainment you provide me, you'll each earn Favor from me. Favor earns you favors. See what I did there? God's Favor? Favors? Eh? Eeeeeh? Shutup, it's hilarious. Anyway, between games you can use Favor to get anything you want from me, so long as you can afford it!"
Next update will actually have plot info, by the by.
A great deal was happening in such a short time span, but that was to be expected when such an obviously important event was occurring. Others quickly agreed to joining Victoria, while a female quickly launched into negotiations mode. To Joshua's immense surprise, she argued that he should receive the most pay, pointing out his rocket launcher as an asset. The mutant would have gladly accepted the advertised 1,000 caps as the cause was worth it, in his mind. Finding their way to a vault which has caused the spread of dense, dangerous jungle, and putting an end to it? That sort of thing would make the land safer for everyone. Still, 1,300 for his services. He shot the woman an approving nod as a form of gratitude. Hopefully she truly thought he would be a good asset as an equal, rather than simply trying to take advantage by getting on the good side of the "big, scary mutant."
Meanwhile, the most bizarre looking... Person that Joshua had ever seen accepted Victoria's offer, calling her "birdie." He looked human, but he looked ghoul too. It was... Unsettling. Joshua had seen a lot in his 200 years, but never once had he come across something that was just so... He lacked any words to describe such a sight, thus he forced his mind away to focus on other matters.
The old hunter, whom he now knew to be named Elias Lewellyn, attempted to shame Joshua. The mutant completely ignored the old man. He was pleasantly surprised, however, that Lewellyn was actually putting in the effort to clean up the mess. That was something Joshua would never have thought he'd actually do. Perhaps they could reach an accord after all and work on friendly te-Aaaaand then the old man insulted not just Joshua, but all of mutant kind. Rage boiled through his blood as he restrained himself from blowing the old man into a million pieces, or smashing his head in with a brahmin femur. He could do it. He could get away with it, too. But if he did, he'd be regressing relationships between mutant kind and the others back. With this in mind, Joshua took a deep breath, and calmed himself. Just focus on how he's cleaning up the corpse, just like you were going to after securing your position in this group.
Focused so much on preventing his rage from boiling over, Joshua had nearly missed the other large, imposing figure in the room remove his clock and reveal himself to be Brotherhood. Paladin Lord Ezekiel Crane he called himself before looking ready to get into a fight, like just announcing himself was going to be enough to start a shootout or something. Get over yourself. That's what he wanted to say, but what he did say came about as a result of his curious nature. "What chapter are you from, Paladin Lord Crane?" he inquired in his deep, booming voice, attempting to be as cordial as possible.
Meanwhile, a human with a ghoul companion also volunteered for this expedition. He then made the most audacious boast Joshua had ever heard about the two of them being worth "three and a half super mutants." Joshua took exception to such a statement, but not for the reasons people might think. "That's crap and you know it. No individual is worth another, we all have different skills, personalities, and values... Besides, from what I've seen of my brothers in the area, it doesn't take very much to be their betters." He added that last bit with a small chuckle before taking another swing from his barrel of wine.
Meanwhile, the most bizarre looking... Person that Joshua had ever seen accepted Victoria's offer, calling her "birdie." He looked human, but he looked ghoul too. It was... Unsettling. Joshua had seen a lot in his 200 years, but never once had he come across something that was just so... He lacked any words to describe such a sight, thus he forced his mind away to focus on other matters.
The old hunter, whom he now knew to be named Elias Lewellyn, attempted to shame Joshua. The mutant completely ignored the old man. He was pleasantly surprised, however, that Lewellyn was actually putting in the effort to clean up the mess. That was something Joshua would never have thought he'd actually do. Perhaps they could reach an accord after all and work on friendly te-Aaaaand then the old man insulted not just Joshua, but all of mutant kind. Rage boiled through his blood as he restrained himself from blowing the old man into a million pieces, or smashing his head in with a brahmin femur. He could do it. He could get away with it, too. But if he did, he'd be regressing relationships between mutant kind and the others back. With this in mind, Joshua took a deep breath, and calmed himself. Just focus on how he's cleaning up the corpse, just like you were going to after securing your position in this group.
Focused so much on preventing his rage from boiling over, Joshua had nearly missed the other large, imposing figure in the room remove his clock and reveal himself to be Brotherhood. Paladin Lord Ezekiel Crane he called himself before looking ready to get into a fight, like just announcing himself was going to be enough to start a shootout or something. Get over yourself. That's what he wanted to say, but what he did say came about as a result of his curious nature. "What chapter are you from, Paladin Lord Crane?" he inquired in his deep, booming voice, attempting to be as cordial as possible.
Meanwhile, a human with a ghoul companion also volunteered for this expedition. He then made the most audacious boast Joshua had ever heard about the two of them being worth "three and a half super mutants." Joshua took exception to such a statement, but not for the reasons people might think. "That's crap and you know it. No individual is worth another, we all have different skills, personalities, and values... Besides, from what I've seen of my brothers in the area, it doesn't take very much to be their betters." He added that last bit with a small chuckle before taking another swing from his barrel of wine.
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