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as a patreon reward I will read your least favorite person's handmade custom tabletop RPG homebrew and ask them why they didn't just run it in 5e instead
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I started RP before double digit age but you couldn't have gotten an admission I was under 18 under threat of death. Kids just casually admiting it online now is wild.
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the whole subway's mine for the slammin'
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Ranbu no Izayoi




Miina's holding spell ensnared Valon in the midst of his cocky grin, holding him still just long enough for Eliane's shot to take him straight in his right shoulder, piercing through the plate and causing him to kneel in pain as the spell released.

"Gah!" He hissed, still clutching his gunlance as best he could. The veins in his exposed skin turned a dark purple as he forced himself to stand, unnatural vitality coursing through his form. "Okay, I'll give you that one, it was good-" A pause as Galahad's words registered. "You did what?!" Valon spluttered at the dragoon, suddenly aghast. "You know damned well what those are worth! What, did the Limbtaker decide it wasn't worth using one as a-" He suddenly raised his weapon, forced to block Galahad, followed by Izayoi.

"Be silent, brat!" The samurai snapped as Valon somehow managed to intercept both of their attacks, forcing them back with a sweep.

Meanwhile, the Valheimr dragoons flailed and fumbled as Rudolf's Gravity materia sent them plummeting down, making them easy meat for Chisato. Esben's hijacked gunfire scythed through another before moving on to a series of ground troops and a skimmer, the latter exploding and sent plummeting down out of the sky.

Valon surged forward, striking out at both Galahad and Izayoi with ridiculous speed, the veins on his face bulging grotesquely. Even the Limbtaker was hard-pressed to keep up, only narrowly evading and parrying his strikes as the force had her gritting her teeth.

"He'd not been this strong but two weeks ago!" She called aside incredulously to Galahad. "What in all hells did he do to himself-damn it!" Izayoi cursed, forced to break aside and parry an oncoming strike from one of the ground troops stationed on this particular airship. A cut to the neck dispatched him quickly, and she scowled, taking the situation in.

"Rudolf, take my place! The chaff is mine and Esben's to deal with!" Enhanced by Selene, Izayoi practically vanished, reappearing in the midst of a squadron of Valheimr and beginning to tear them to bloody ribbons with her sword work.

Valon didn't stay idle either, instead leaping horizontally like an arrow straight towards Chisato. His plated boot caught her in the chest before she could gut another one of his men, and the Valheimr dragoons began to reorient themselves, fighting off the effects of the Gravity and returning to the air.

"Hussars, spread out!" Valon called towards his men. "Don't let them draw a bead on you, and play for time! The longer this drags on, the more the advantage turns to us!" The dragoons, or Hussars as Valon said, did as bid, each boosting away and drawing beads on individual Kirins. They opened fire, aiming to keep them supressed even as Valon, the ground troops, and the skimmers began their counterattack.

Two skimmers broke off to engage Esben, aiming to keep him occupied with one's evasive actions even as the other attempted to get him in their sights, firing. A third drew a bead on Eliane, firing away with its chaingun. Entire squadrons converged upon Miina and Chisato, aiming to drown them in weight of numbers as Valon reengaged, leaping back towards Galahad with sudden speed and hand outstretched. He seized his former fellow by the throat, laughing as he held Galahad up.

"Behold the power the True King has granted me! Might beyond measure, with which to bring Edren into its rightful place on this star!" And he slammed Galahad down, throwing him hard enough that Galahad broke through the airship's deck, crashing into its hold below. Valon kept laughing, now lunging towards Rudolf. One thrust, three, six. Barely half broke through the false Sagramore's guard, only nicking him and drawing blood. Was Valon...toying with him? Not taking him seriously?

All the while, Reisa watched on from her flagship, arms folded as she checked a timepiece embedded into her armor.

Three minutes, ten seconds. Nine. Eight.

Renar Hagen


Oh, Goddesses damn it. Another one of these blasted shards of Angoron?! Renar allowed himself an incredulous expression of disbelief beneath the visor of his helm. One was a coincidence. Two was...not necessarily a plot yet, but certainly something was going on behind the scenes.

The Bastard of Brias folded his arms, giving the situation no small amount of consideration. There wasn't a chance in hell that Captain Fanilly would leave the matter alone now that a Shard was a factor, to say nothing of Dame Tyaethe. Fine. They were locked in. Fionn beat him to the conclusion of his thoughts; as expected when dealing with fae. That was fine. Renar had never wanted to take center stage in this sylvan debacle, regardless.

Fortunate they hadn't sworn anything regarding the shard yet, though it seemed only a matter of time, if he was reading the Captain correctly. Regardless, best to wrap everything up here in a neat little bow before moving onward.

"Majesty, my brother knights speak truly." Renar stepped forward in support of Fionn and Gerard. "Our current quest takes priority: we are still oath-bound to return Duke Thedric's wits to him, and are unable to move forward past that till the matter is resolved." Don't swear anything directly to her. Don't make a single actual promise. He knew just enough of fae to abide by such when speaking to them. Shockingly, and depressingly, similar to speaking with barristers, though with more unpredictable results. "It would be deeply appreciated that we are not made liars of before we can give our word for any other endeavors."
Ranbu no Izayoi


"Your concern is noted." Zacharias nodded in Galahad's direction. "So long as I am aware of the oncoming threat, I will be able to handle myself." He let the byplay about Loki go on while looking to Eliane, raising an eyebrow. "I'd have thought it would be little concern for one who would order warships upon Brightlam so readily. Regardless, civilian fire crews have been mobilized. Those not willing or able to serve with the militia can still defend their homes in one way or another."

Meanwhile, Izayoi simply raised an eyebrow at Esben's planning.

"Perhaps after we survive this battle, then." She said, her tone dry as sandpaper. "Not to say that I do not believe you regarding her capabilities, fantastical as they sound. But such concerns can wait until after we repel Valheim. Regardless, if we've merely an hour left before the enemy is within range, then let us be off. Ideally, we'll be prepared to deploy the moment the battle begins in earnest."

___

Death approached Brightlam on wings of black steel. Valheim's invasion fleet numbered a few dozen airships strong: a far cry from the massive armada that took Osprey, but a mighty show of force unmatched by most on the continent regardless. Brightlam's defenders stood ready, the magi among them already beginning channels and rituals to strike the first blow against the oncoming invaders. Streams of magic, gouts of flame, and bolts of lightning shot out from the boughs, crashing into the airships and managing to bring a few down.

That was all the time they had to muster for a preparatory strike, however, as the airships began to descend towards the treetops, opening fire with chaingun and cannon. What few soldiers there were on Brightlam's topmost layer either scattered or fell right there, leaving the way open for more airships to begin touching down and depositing their payloads of soldiers upon the arboreal city.

"They come!" Grovemaster Zacharias roared from his command post, raising his staff to summon Ramuh and bring him to the fore. Up in the skies, the Eidolon's appearance seemed to come to no surprise to the Valheimr command staff.

"Well, well. Ramuh already?" Valon grinned on the deck of a large Valheimr cruiser, greater in size than the Proudclad that Eve had singlehandedly destroyed weeks ago. "The old man is desperate. Permission to engage, oh Captain of ours?"

"Granted." A familiar figure in armor nodded. "Deployment of Siren is authorized. We need Leviathan distracted." Reisa gestured towards the final figure in their little group. To this, Valon only nodded and hefted his new gunlance onto his shoulder. "Right, then. Oi, you lot!" He called towards a dozen more pseudo-Dragoons, freshly brought up after their previous losses on the sea. "Straight down, feet first into the hells! We clear a landing zone for Siren, and then we start headhunting the old man-"



A massive sea serpent rose straight up from the rivers, its body outright ripping through an unfortunate airship in the midst of dropping the last of its personnel. Leviathan roared in challenge at the oncoming invaders, forming a jet of water in its mouth to carve another frigate in half before the flagship's cannons forced her back with a quick barrage.

"Black-tinned wretches! Warriors that I bear, this is your moment! I shall deposit you upon that ship before they repel me once more!"


True to her word, Leviathan lunged for the cruiser again, but this time, a hydra formed of water slammed into her from the flank, sending the Kirins on her back crashing onto the deck of a nearby destroyer, off their mark. It seemed Siren had come into play.

As the Eidolon and her pseudo-copy tumbled down towards the rivers below, mocking, familiar laughter could be heard from above.

"Thatagirl!" Valon cackled as he landed on the deck, twirling his gunlance once, twice, thrice. Valheimr ground troops had begun to surround the Kirins, while his false dragoons hovered in the sky, alongside a half dozen aetherskimmer vehicles, light guns mounted on their prows.

"Right, then! No fancy speeches, let's get to business! Who wants it first? Galahad? Rudolf? The Limbtaker? Come at me if you think yourself hard enough!"
prefer just doing this in post rounds
Charles Ackerman


Once a year, every year. Peyton had been using the Cliffside as the Leaders’ annual venue since even before Charles had rejoined the League, oweing to their long friendship over the decades. At least Charles was getting paid handsomely to reserve the cocktail bar out for a night. While this batch of Gym Leaders wasn't quite up to completely trashing the place like some generations had, they were still something of a rowdy bunch.

The old man did one last check of what he had behind the bar, satisfied that his stock was full and he wasn't wanting for anything. Despite the fact that this was a more formal night than usual, he still wore just a classic dress shirt, vest, and tie. It was a damned classic for a man tending bar and any of Peyton's whinging that he ought to be even dressier for this would be ignored.

He'd let all his staff take the night off with pay, handling everything himself for the evening. After all, if it was meant to be a social for League members only, so much the better to not have anyone that could overhear anything too inconvenient. Besides, the day he couldn't run his own bar without help was the day he was hanging it all up.

Beryl arrived first, almost surprising him. Not completely unexpected, though he would have thought Hestia to have rushed here faster after losing her silly little game last year. Ah, well. One scotch for her, and Charles finished final prep on his cocktail ingredients as he waited for the rush. True to form, Hestia came in not long after, and Charles simply dipped his head at her request, starting to whip up a drink.

"Oh, you know him. Dramatic entrances and whatnot. I expect the lad to be last. In any case, here. As asked for, a limoncello lemon drop. Enjoy." He slid the drink expertly across the bar, kneeling down to the freezer for more ice when the door slammed open, bringing a familiar voice with it.

"Awright, ye wee numpties! Party's here!" Fiona swept in, clad in a slinky black cocktail dress and heels, arms held wide and grinning. "Charlie, hit me wit' some buckie, would ye?"

"Absolutely not. Not after last year." Charles crossed his arms firmly, shaking his head. "If you'd care to order an actual drink, kindly name it."

"Yer no fun, ye scabby fuck." Fiona groaned as she took the bar stool right next to Hestia, giving her rival a jovial slap on the back. "One o' what she's havin', then!" As Charles busied himself with said order, Fiona turned back to Hestia, her ever-present grin still plastered onto her face.

"How tae fuck'd I get here before most of th' crew? Figured most of 'em fer early arrivers, an' I was just tryin' tae beat speed records gettin' outta Motostoke late."

Hours later, the Kirins reconvened with Zacharias, Cid, and Eve in a side chamber of the Cathedral where the Grovemaster had already been planning the defense. Rudolf had been here no small amount of time ago, and now they were all gathered around a table bearing a tactical map of Brightlam.

"Let's begin, then." Zacharias laid out a series of figures across the map, pointing to each in turn as he spoke. "In the interest of time, I will keep the parts less relevant to your duties brief. Suffice to say, Brightlam will be conducting a defense in depth from the treetops all the way back towards the cathedral. The outermost canopies will be only lightly manned in order to discourage bombardment, and the canopies below will slow the invaders as they attempt to land. Our first wave of defense will be upon the boughs, and from there, we will fall back to lower branches as needed until we reach our final defensive bulwark: Brightlam Cathedral itself."

"In the interest of drawing Valheim's attention, Zacharias and I will be on the front lines. Of course, we will require Ramuh and Leviathan's aid. Apologies, Esben, but the Levinfather will not be able to come to your assistance during this battle." Cid took this moment to interject. "Eve will also be embedded within the defenses."

"Ah." Izayoi made a noise of realization. "The defense is a feint, then. You mean to have us be the thrust of the counterattack."

"Your...experience serves you well." Zacharias looked as if he'd bit into a lemon, seemingly resisting from insulting Izayoi with great restraint. "Indeed. Leviathan will surge up from the rivers surrounding the city and ferry you into the midst of the fleet atop her back. You will find the leadership of this attack and cut the head off the snake while the Lady of the Whorl throws their airships into chaos. Objections? Suggestions? Name them now, we've little time otherwise."

"The plan is sound." Izayoi said, her only response to Zacharias's near slip being a slight tightening of her eyes. "Lest any of the others have a last-minute addition, I would suggest we prepare to deploy as soon as possible. How much time do we have until the Valheimr are in range?"

"One hour."
Ranbu no Izayoi


"RAMUH?!" Famfrit spluttered incredulously at the summon's presence. "YOU STRIKE AT A FELLOW SERVANT OF-" It cut off before speaking in a far more distorted tone once more.

"-RUINATION, ONSLAUGHT, ABYSS!"

Bolstered by Izayoi and Miina's efforts in maintaining the storm, Esben slashed straight through Famfrit with Ramuh's full force, revealing the corroded core of aether maintaining the guardian's link to the world. Raijingeki and Galahad's halberd toss crashed into the core next. As with Leviathan, both Rudolf and Galahad's combined efforts served to form a crack in the core, Eliane's fire peppering it to weaken the aetheric binding even further.

Forced upon its last legs, Famfrit desperately tried to gather up enough aether with the last of its essence to cast one final spell.

"THEN SLAY ME, AND DIE IN TURN! MAY THE HEAVENS DENY YOU PASSAGE, AND HELL'S MAW SWALLOW YOU WHOLE! DARKENING RAIN-"

As Famfrit attempted to unleash his spell, Chisato struck. Its core shattered, the guardian of the crystal sunk to its knees, blackened aether fading from its body in droves. Looking upon the Kirins with sober eyes for the first time in most likely years, the animated golem could only utter a few last words.

"WARRIORS OF LIGHT...I THANK YOU FOR FREEING ME...MAY YOU EVER WALK IN THE LIGHT OF THE CRYSTALS..." Famfrit murmured before collapsing completely, the rest of its body fading into aether not long after. Izayoi regarded the dusty remnants for a brief moment, bowing her head before reaching into a pouch and pulling out one of the crystals that Cid had given to each of them.

"Come, then. Remember what the old man bid us: raise the crystals aloft, channel aether through them, and purify the Crystal of Water therefore. Time is still of the essence."

Once each Kirin had their crystal raised, their combined light crashed into the central, corrupted crystal. Slowly but surely, their radiance washed away all traces of corruption within, leaving the structure shining brilliantly. With that accomplished, they set off. There was an invasion to repel.

___

Their return to the surface of Brightlam was met with restrained jubilation by those in the know. While purifying the crystal was undoubtedly a relief for the future of Drana Asnaeu, it would all be for naught should Valheim seize the city and march downward to the temple below.

It was a harried Zacharias that bade them to get some rest in the scant few hours that remained before the Valheimr were projected to reach the city, affording them a large side chamber in the Cathedral. Freed from her duties for the moment, Neve accompanied them, taking time to heal the wounds the Kirins had already accumulated while informing them that Cid was too busy making final preparations, though Eve had joined him within the grand hall of the Cathedral in prayer and meditation as well.

Thus, they were free to recuperate where they could for the moment, though other distractions could be found for the more restless as well.
CMDR SAGAN "VULTURE" KODOS


Sagan sighed, eventually giving the session up as a bad job and joining Sabine on the other end of the barracks tent as Johann sat as well. The offer of fresh coffee was gratefully taken, the commander eagerly pouring himself a mug before sighing at Sabine.

"Alright, no fucking with the support staff. First I know damn well we've all got a stash in our mechs. Hell, I'm pretty sure Commie's cockpit might as well be using the stuff as crash gel. And second," He let a mercenary gleam shine in his gaze, somehow visible through the aviators he wore while off-duty.

"Already reserved us a whole pallet. It's being stashed in the back of the mess tent." Entirely true. "Course, that was bought with the promise that you don't fuck with the guys in Procurement for a whole month. So don't make me a liar or you're getting triple the PT and sim drills." A complete fabrication. But if it got Sabine to fucking behave like a human being for a month, he'd take it.

A swig of coffee. Overly roasted char-blasted industrial crap that it was, it was still probably healthier than the Rip-Gels that every but Johann, Sagan included, were practically addicted to.

"Anyways, let's hope the Blackout gets repairs in time. After the last poor bastard to pilot it, god rest his soul, the techs must be in goddamn conniptions about it getting beat up so much more often. They get back to you on the Sparrowhawk yet, Rabbit? Been too busy setting everything up here to check."
Renar Hagen


Renar very carefully continued to keep quiet during the next few exchanges. If Gertie wanted to gamble with her life trying to contract with the Moonlit Queen, she could do so freely as long as any consequences didn't blow back to the rest of the Iron Rose.

As for what happened immediately after...

He resisted the urge to groan out loud with all his willpower. Knowing their luck, they were about to be roped into yet another side objective on this ridiculous, inane quest. Shame on him for thinking they were almost in the clear. Goddesses forbid that they could have one ordained quest without some sort of ancient or dark magic at play. When had the last such mission even been? Bandit King Jeremiah? It had been one moon-damned thing after another past him.

Regardless, Renar continued to maintain dead silence, hoping against hope that whatever was going on with the queen this time had absolutely nothing to do with their party.
Salvator Rasch


So it was like that, eh? Salvator took the information presented and quick ran through it in his head while maintaining his fire on the larger bastard, for all the good it did. A quick blink got him out of the way of its charge while he highlighted the hive-sphere within the creature's body on the squad's tacnet, the information now showing up in their assorted HUDs.

"Squad, concentrate fire!" He shouted over comms even as Ilshar's worm surged towards the intended target. "King has the corpses suppressed, focus on the biggest one's core!"

From there, he took his own advice, shifting his grip on his shotgun to one hand as he pulled out a frag grenade. The pin flicked off, and Salvator tunneled the grenade through the ethereal pathways he would normally use to blink himself, the frag reappearing into existence jammed right in the hulking mass's chest, practically touching the hive-sphere. Even as the grenade cooked, Salvator dropped to one knee, taking up a position for a more precise shot. Sight. Breathe. Fire. The last slug in chamber went hurtling out, straight towards the grenade.
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