Simple Unicycle

Absolute Comics - Season Two: The Monster Within

VOIDED

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ISSUE #3
DUSTUP

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The Bloodbath
New York City, New York

I sheathed my sword. Wouldn't want Mr. Fancy Pants over here to get hurt too bad, especially considering I had a rule about not killing humans. Beating their dumb asses up though? Fair game. "So, Drake. You ready for this party to get crazy?"

Drake smirked, readying his shotgun. "Ready when you are, monster."

I grinned, baring my fangs in an attempt to intimidate him. He simply shook his head, clearly not convinced that just maybe he should walk away. "Well. This won't last three minutes." I did a few wild jabs at the air, then ended with a simple come here motion. "Let's dance, pretty boy!"

He fired the under barrel stake launcher at me again, but this time I was ready. I grabbed the stake right before it would have penetrated my chest and threw it to the ground, wagging my index finger in a "no no" gesture. Drake seemed to take exception to that, if the several shotgun blasts he sent my way were any indication. I tried to tank the blasts, though one of them managed to hit me square in the face and send me flying onto my back. I rolled around into a kneel, staring down at the blood soaked floor. Definitely gonna have to wash these clothes.

"Oof, right in the kisser. You're definitely gonna have to pay for sex from now on, bud." I simply looked up, grinning as the meat on my face knitted itself back together. Drake's cocky smirk fell. "... Or not."

"Nice try, pal, but I take shit like this everyday. Practically part of my morning routine at this point. Wake up, shower, get stabbed, get dressed, get shot, eat breakfast." I jumped up from the floor and sprinted at him, throwing a wild haymaker that I knew he would dodge; he didn't disappoint, so I got in close to sneak a quick body shot in with my left hand. Then I felt the cold metal barrel of his pump action pressed against my chest.

*KRRRRSH!*

The stake punched through my chest and out through the other side. I nearly fell over from the pain. Getting stabbed through the chest every other day is one thing. Having a hunk of wood punch through your torso at 300 miles per hour from point blank was another. I'm gonna have splinters in my lungs for weeks. "Phew, okay, ya got me good that time Drake... Might need a breather..."

"I knew you were no match for me, freak." He raised the shotgun to finish me off...

"Breather's done!" I batted away his weapon with my hand, then punched him in the chest. He soared through the air for a moment before crashing right into the DJ stand. The song stuttered for a moment before continuing, and Drake pulled himself up. He pulled a short sword from a sheath on his hip. "Aw, what a cute little knife." I pulled my broadsword out from its own sheath.

"Compensating for something there?" Drake asked in the same cocky tone he had been using throughout our entire confrontation. I couldn't help but give a snort of laughter, though no more words were exchanged. Instead we rushed at each other, our blades crossing as we met. I pushed with all my strength, but somehow Drake managed to just barely keep up with me.

Drake jumped back from the clash, and all the force I was putting into our lock made me stumble forward. He attempted to take this opportunity to impale me, but I ducked under the blow and brought my fist up into his jaw. He staggered back, so I swung my sword at him again. He just barely managed to deflect the strike, and we began to exchange blows that the other either dodged or parried.

"So, you get a call to come here?" I asked as our blades locked yet again.

"Maybe I did." He withdrew from the lock and swung at my leg, myself deflecting the blow and swinging right back at him. He blocked, and continued speaking. "What's it to you?"

"I got a call to come here too, dumbass," I said as we crossed blades yet again. I punched him in the gut and sent him flying a few feet back. "Bet the guy who hired us didn't think we'd try to kill each other."

"You're a hunter too, eh? The hell kinda vampire hunts after other vampires?" He swung at me, and I parried the blow and grabbed him by the collar, lifting him off the ground.

I sheathed my sword, still holding him. "The kinda vampire who don't like them other vampires!" I yelled, bringing his face just inches away from mine. "Now, why don't we just knock this shit off?" He stabbed me through the gut, but I no sold it, simply swatting his hand away from the sword's grip and yanking it out myself.

I saw the look in his eyes, if only for a moment. He knew he was defeated. "... This isn't over."

I let him go, then tossed him his sword. "I bet not. How about we just stay out of each other's ways from now on, deal?"

He scowled, but nodded. "Fine. But if we get into another scrape, I won't lose."

"Whatever you say, Drake." I cracked my back and wove him away. He picked up his fallen weapons and walked away. I heard the sound of a motorcycle pealing away from the sidewalk outside. "Christ, what a prick..." I left the butcher shop and headed back home. I'll go pick up my payment tomorrow.

---

Bo's Arcade
New York City, New York

The drive back to base was quiet as always, just the way Frank liked it. It allowed him some time to reflect after a job, and this time he had much to reflect on.

The vampire he met, the one who hunted his own kind, it was clear that he was no normal vampire. The man had said he was a Dhampir, half human, half vampire. He'd heard the term before, but it was entirely fictitious, the stuff of folk lore and bad dime novels. Children born from a vampire and a human became vampires themselves. Still, he could tank anything that would kill a normal vampire... He'd have to ask Quincy about it, the old man was well versed in these sorts of matters.

He pulled up to their base, a closed down arcade they had bought a year back and repurposed into their headquarters. Frank walked into the building, looking around at the place. It was rather spartan, with a meeting table in the center, desks off to the right wall for himself, Quincy, and Rachel, and a weapons rack beside the desks. The rest of the place was styled as a living room, with doors to their rooms in the back.

"Frank, you're back." There was Quincy Harker, turning around in his wheelchair to face the younger man. Harker was in his early 60s, greying brown hair kept cut short and a bushy beard giving him an almost grandfatherly appearance.

Frank smiled. "Hey Quincy. Rachel around?"

"She's off on a job that came in while you were gone, bunch of imps took over the basement of an apartment complex." Harker paused, taking Frank's appearance in. "... I take it your job didn't go well?"

Frank sighed, plopping into his recliner. "You'd be right. Remember how the guy said he was gonna call another hunter too? Turns out that other hunter was a fucking vampire. We got into a fight. The thing is though, the guy's not a normal vampire."

Quincy's curiosity was piqued by this. "What do you mean?"

The younger of the two snorted as he unbuttoned his vest and loosened his ascot. "Said he was a Dhampir, half human, half vampire. Load of shit, those things don't... Exist..." Frank stopped as he took in Quincy's expression. "Uh, is there something you're not telling me, Quince?"

"... I believe you encountered the hunter known as Blade. The Daywalker, as our contacts have started calling him."

"Anything I should know about this... Blade?"

"What he said was true. We have no clue how, but he is a Dhampir; all of the strengths of a vampire, none of the weaknesses."

"Bullshit."

"You saw it with your own eyes, didn't you? I take it you tried to stake him, shot him with those silver pellets, stabbed him with your sword, and nothing?"

"..."

"I'll take your silence as a yes."

"Okay, but... How do we know this guy's on our side? What's to stop him from going on a rampage?"

"For now, let's just keep hoping he is on our side. Whatever you do, stay away from him until we know for certain. He's new to this scene, his intentions will be known soon enough."

"He and I already agreed not to get in each other's way from now on... But Quince, one of these days we might have to take him down."

Quincy simply snorted. "I'm sure, Frank."

The rest of the night passed peacefully.

Absolute Comics - Season Two: The Monster Within

This shitpost took too long to not share it outside of Wraith's Discord.

Blade sends his brother a letter

Absolute Comics - Season Two: The Monster Within

<Snipped quote by Simple Unicycle>

I'll do you one better: Brother Power The Geek and Grak as buddy cops.

@DocTachyon

I'll take "Something I Didn't Know I Needed" for 500, Alex.

Absolute Comics - Season Two: The Monster Within

Only way to not get into a bind by using a character from another character's supporting cast is to only use the really obscure ones no one would ever use.

Space Canine Patrol Agents when?

Absolute Comics - Season Two: The Monster Within

Ya boi Uni's back after a long (see: not at all long) absence.

Oh and since I don't wanna double post I'll just edit this in here...

Well we're almost a week into the IC and already on our third page so out of curiosity, what are the driving factors and influences in your story?

@Lord Wraith

If you read my sheet then you already know that I'm inspired by Devil May Cry (more specifically the third game), though of course I'm taking some things from the Blade movies and a few from suggestions I got from people (see: Frank Drake being introduced in this post thanks to Ink suggesting I use him as a supporting character). I'm also tapping into my Punisher run in UOU for all that action and shit.

Anyway, think of it this way: if everyone else's posts are TV dramas that you tune in every week to see what happens to the characters, then my posts are that goofy action anime you tune into when you wanna turn your brain off. I'm not trying to reinvent the wheel or whatever, I'm just looking to give you all entertaining posts.

Absolute Comics - Season Two: The Monster Within

VOIDED

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ISSUE #2
BLOOD RAVE

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Lou's Butcher Shop; New York City, New York

Jeremy was just getting off work when a woman came to him and asked for a ride all the way to NYC.

He didn't know why he had agreed to drive her to some butcher shop all the way in New York City. Maybe it was because she was hot, maybe he just needed to get away from the city if only for a little while. It didn't matter, because here he was, a couple dozen miles from his shitty apartment in Hoboken and parked outside a butcher shop. He was about to leave when the woman whose name he still didn't know touched his hand and said "you're coming with me, honey."

They entered through the front door and saw a big, pale man in a bloodstained apron behind the counter. She exchanged a few words with the butcher, who nodded and gestured for them to head through the back. They went through a surprisingly large and spacious kitchen to a door in the back that was guarded by two bulky men in black suits. Jeremy could feel the beat of music as it played from behind the door. They let her through without a word, and were about to stop him until she held up a hand and simply said "he's with me."

The room they walked into appeared to be a freezer, but was styled like a night club, with people dancing to the beat of the music. Said music came from a DJ stand set up in the back. Jeremy slowly smiled, and began to squeeze his way into the crowd. He looked around as he danced rather awkwardly, noticing that the people looked a bit... Off. Most of them had a pale look about them, almost sickly, and their eyes almost looked yellow in the low light. Still, they were all very clearly having a good time, and he was intent on joining them.

He lost track of the woman in the crowd, but was soon occupied by a pretty blonde in a cheerleader's outfit. She seemed to be taken by him too, if the way she hungrily bit her lip indicated anything. He thought he saw a glimpse of a fang for a second, but quickly forgot about it, instead focusing on the woman as she pressed her body against his and began to shimmy to the music.

They were separated as a man bumped into him. "Hey asshole, what's your fucking prob-" Jeremy's words were cut short as he got a good look at the man who bumped into him. He was younger than he was, but had an intimidating aura of confidence about him. The man's cold gray eyes gazed steadily into Jeremy's, and a small smile made its way onto the man's pale face.

"You were saying?" he had an almost nasally voice that would've been laughably pathetic on anyone else, but somehow his voice sounded far from pathetic; no, it was terrifyingly cold.

"N-nothing, haha. Sorry for being in your way." Without another word, the man left, running a hand through his slicked back black hair.

The next half hour was spent with that pretty blond girl until she left with another guy. He ended up finding his way back to the woman who had dragged him there, the woman whose name he still didn't know. They were dancing together for a moment, until the DJ's voice boomed through the speakers. "WHO'S READY FOR A BLOODBATH!" A resounding yes came from the ravers.

And then blood poured out of the sprinklers.

Jeremy looked up in disbelief, and still didn't think it was actual blood until it got into his mouth. He tasted it. It tasted like the blood he had licked away from his lips during a nosebleed, or sucked out of a paper cut.

Human blood.

He slipped and fell while trying to back away to the exit. The woman who brought him there was smiling. Smiling wide enough to show her fangs. "What's the matter, baby? Afraid of a few drops?" He screamed, and flailed, and panicked. They descended on him, but he managed to push a few of them away, picked himself up and ran.

He tripped again once he got out of the crowd, landing on his face. He pushed himself up, and found himself staring at a pair of black combat boots. Slowly, he looked up, finding a black man dressed in black and red attire, with aviator shades on his face. On his back was a large broadsword and a shotgun, in his hands a pair of pistols.

I grinned. "Well. Looks like I'm late to the party."

Alright, now let's back it up a bit.

Thirty minutes earlier...

I was just lounging around my shop, waiting for something to happen, when suddenly I got a call. Guy gave me the password, and unlike the last asshole who called me, he didn't want to come and kill me. He had an actual job for me, some vampire rave club based out of a butcher's in Queens. I discussed the details with him, he said he was a fellow vampire.

I almost wanted to go after his ass when he said that, but he explained that he didn't think killing humans was worth it; instead he lived off of blood from Red Cross and shit, had a contact inside, but that's beside the point. He lived in the neighborhood and had managed to get in one night, said they did shit like pour blood on themselves while they danced. Occasionally lured humans there to kill 'em and shit. He apparently saw some girl head in there with a human guy not long before, so that's why he called me up.

"How'd you get this number anyhow? I ain't exactly advertising, and the only people who've called in the last couple weeks have been dickheads looking to kill me, dickheads looking to prank call me, or dickheads who found me in a phone book and got curious."

"You're making the rounds these days, Blade. The vampire who hunts other vampires. Some folks are even calling you the Daywalker, for the fact that you're apparently not weakened by sunlight like the rest of us."

"Daywalker? Shiet, that's bad-fuckin-ass."

"You said it... Hey, just so you know, I called another hunter too. Figured you might need the help, bunch of vampires like them."

"Long as they don't get in my way I should be good. That all?"

"That's all."

And then I took about half an hour to find my way there. Turns out I forgot to ask for the address, and he forgot to include any directions beyond "butcher shop in Queens". By the time I got in there, the party was already under way, and our human friend was crawling out of the swarm of vampires. You know the rest already.

I twirled my guns, then aimed them at the crowd of vampires. "So, what's it gonna be babies? One at a time, or all at once?"

Half the group charged, the other half ran away. The human guy slipped away with the runners.

I grinned.

Guess it's gonna be all at once.

I fired off a few rounds into the crowd, then holstered the pistols after I realized they would all go down too quickly that way. Instead, I pulled out my sword and came out swinging. "Don't lose your head!" I shouted as I chopped off one vampire's head, his body crumbling into ash before the head hit the floor. A few from the group began to swarm me, their claws swinging wildly in a vain attempt to maim me. I let them get me to the floor as I slowly pulled my shotgun off my back...

*BOOM!* A single blast sent the five of them flying away in a cloud of ash. I slowly rose, what little damage they had done with their flailing healing rapidly. I brought the shotgun down to my hip and fired once, twice, three times at the vampires. About six went down, leaving the last dozen for me to face off against. I wanted to have some fun, so once again I put my gun away and brought out the sword.

I swung low and chopped off one's leg, then chopped off his head before he hit the ground. I ducked below a lunge and stuck my sword through the vampire's gut as she flew over my head. I swung her onto the ground and blew her head off with a shot from my pistol. As soon as the sword was free from her ashen grave, I swung it around to catch one that was trying to ambush me. It wedged itself into the side of his chest. I cleaved it through, cutting him clean in half. "You ain't half the man you used to be! ... For real, you're more like a third of the man you used to be."

The rest of the fight carried on quickly enough, and before long the club was empty. I turned my back on the carnage to leave...

... And felt a stake fly into my chest at a high speed.

The force of the thing sent me flying and pinned me to the wall across the room. I grunted, pulling my body through the vampire killing device, and groaned. "Fuck, can I go one week without taking a sharp object through the chest? I was so close!"

I looked at where the stake had originated from, and found myself looking at a man that seemed to be around my age. He had blond hair and blue eyes, and an athletic frame hidden beneath oddly posh clothing out of Victorian England. In his hand was what appeared to be a modified shotgun that could fire stakes underbarrel; didn't seem like a bad idea actually. Clearly, this was the other hunter my employer had called.

And judging by the look on his face, he wasn't gonna let me out of here without a fight.

"You just missed the party, pal. Who the hell are you supposed to be anyway, barging in here and shooting a guy through the chest?"

"Who am I supposed to be? I'm a vampire hunter. And I'm here to kill myself a few vampires." He pointed his shotgun at me. "And it looks to me like I found one. Though you're not quite like them, are you? That stake through the chest would've killed any other vampire."

"I'm what you call a dhampir, buddy. Half human, half vampire, all whoopin' your ass if you keep fuckin' with me."

"Dhampir, vampire, all the same to me. If you're a bloodsucker then I'm coming after you either way!" The guy seemed hellbent on getting into a fight he couldn't win. But whatever, I might as well humor him.

"Alright then, have it your way. But I'd like to get the name of the dumbass whose ass I'm about to kick."

At that, he smiled. "The name's Frank Drake, and I'm about to send you straight to Hell!"

Absolute Comics - Season Two: The Monster Within

I'm positive all of us here want to see that Shazam concept in action and would be sad to see you drop it, so I hope you manage to get your problems with finding a voice sorted out.

Power Play

Gonna try and get a post up tomorrow.

Absolute Comics - Season Two: The Monster Within

VOIDED

---

ISSUE #1
GETTING THE PARTY STARTED

---

Blade's unnamed shop; New York City, New York

The phone was ringing. Here's hoping it's someone with the password. I need some action.

I stepped out of the bathroom and slid into my shirt, sitting down in the chair behind the desk. Grabbing a slice of pizza from the box I had just ordered, I took a bite before taking the phone. "Yeah?" I asked around a mouthful of pepperoni and cheese.

"Are you the hunter known as Blade?" The voice was an older sounding guy, kinda creepy too.

Hm. Guy knows my name. Doesn't seem like I should hang up on him. Still, dude was missing something... "Password?"

"I was told it was 'jackpot'."

I grinned. About damn time. "Haha, finally! Last coupla weeks the only calls I've gotten were from people who didn't know the pas-"

"I'm going to drop off a gift for you."

I knitted my brow in confusion. "A gift, eh?"

"A gift from the supernatural underworld of New York. We don't like hunters." The line went dead.

With a snort, I threw the phone back onto the receiver and stood up, finishing my pizza as I walked around to the front of the desk. "Sounds like trouble. Man, it's always one thing after anot-" Before I could finish my sentence, I felt a sharp pain through my back, as though something had stabbed me. A man walked around from behind, holding a blood coated dagger.

I needed to get to my sword. So, I promptly fell over as though defeated. "Hmph. Thought this would be harder." It was the voice of the man on the phone, and I could see the unnatural yellow glint in his eyes.

A vampire.

I sprung up to my feet and backflipped behind my desk, grabbing my sword off the wall. My body was already healing, the meat beneath my now ruined shirt knitting itself back together. The vampire paled. "N-not possible! The blade is silver!"

I chuckled. "Sorry, bro. Might have all the neat powers of a vampire, but I don't have a single one of their weaknesses." Raising the sword, I pointed the blade at him with a grin. "So come on, bloodsucker! Let's dance!"

His look of shock faded, and as it did he gave me a vicious grin, showing his sharp fangs. "Very well then. Come and get it." I lunged forward with a stabbing motion, the vampire dodging out of the way of my attack and appearing by my side with blinding speed. "Too slow." He swung his knife at my face with just as much speed, and I managed to easily duck out of the way. As I did, I threw a fist into his gut, sending him flying back and into my desk.

I gave a bark of laughter. "C'mon, you can do it buddy! Come at me!" He did, jumping up from the ruined desk and rushing me, and once again I dodged a slice without much effort. "Oh, so close that time!" He smirked slightly, before producing a second dagger from his coat and plunging it into my chest. Shaking his head and sighing, the vampire kicked me away while ripping the blade out. I landed right on my new pool table.

With a groan, I pulled myself up off the destroyed pool table and cracked my back. "Okay, I'll give ya that one..." I turned around and looked at what remained of the pool table, an idea sparking in my head. "Man, I just got this thing! You're gonna be paying for this!"

"Come and get me then."

"No, I mean literally paying for it. Shit ain't cheap, homie."

He furrowed his brow in annoyance. "You expect me to pay for this you little worm?"

I rolled my eyes. "Uh, yeah? You break somethin', you gotta pay for it. You got three hundred bucks on ya by any chance?" C'mon, get pissed, get pissed, get pissed...

The vampire gave a frustrated growl and lunged at me with a yell. There we go. He was telegraphing his moves now. I sidestepped his attack and swung my blade out at his neck, cutting his head clean off. The head rolled off of his body, and he slowly withered away into dust as soon as his corpse hit the ground. Sheathing my sword, I sighed. "Hmph, is that it? Thought this would be more fun. Ah, whatever."

I noticed something that didn't burn away with his corpse: a wallet. Grinning, I picked it up and opened it, counting the money inside. "Haha! Five hundred! Thanks, bud." I pulled the cash out of the wallet and flung it away, burying the bills into my pocket. "Gonna have to replace this shit tomorrow. Time to enjoy the rest of my night off in peace..."

I must've spoke too soon because before I knew it my windows were broken, four vampires had leapt in, and I had four more blades in my body. I ignored the pain, pushing the vampires off of me and pulling the blades out two at a time before looking at the shattered windows. "... Yeah, sure, okay! I don't mind, just break all my shit then! My one night off and you guys gotta ruin it!"

The vampires hissed at me, bearing their fangs and scrambling to pick up their daggers and short swords. I huffed, walking over to the weapon rack on my wall and grabbing the two new pistols I had gotten. "Been meaning to try these bad boys out. C'mon, let's get this over with." Without even waiting, the four vampires rushed forward to stab at me with their daggers.

I jumped up and over them, hopping off of one's head as I went, and firing a few rounds into his back. He collapsed into ash on the spot. "Ah, the wonders of silver bullets. You guys ain't scared, are ya?" Just as I expected, they all backed up a bit, though still kept at the ready to attack at any moment. Silently, I beckoned for them to come at me.

The only one gutsy enough to actually follow up on my taunt was a female, leaping upward to slam her short sword onto my head. I simply holstered one pistol and unsheathed my own sword; bringing it up above my head, I blocked her attack, and the sudden stop sent her flying backwards. "Put a bit more force into it next time, babe." I raised the pistol I still had out and aimed at her head. "Oh, wait. There ain't gonna be a next time." I fired, and she evaporated in seconds.

While I was dealing with her, one more ran up behind me and stabbed me once again. Man, this shirt was definitely ruined. I simply rolled forward, the vampire coming with me and losing his grip on the sword, before landing on his back. I pulled the sword out of my chest and stuck it into his chest, before firing once into his head, and just like his buddies he evaporated into ash.

The last one didn't bother to attack, instead jumping out of one of my broken windows and running away. "Yeah, I better not see your face around here again! ... Dick." I sighed, tossing my pistols back onto the weapon rack and hanging my sword up behind my ruined desk. Gonna have to get a new one tomorrow. For now though? I was gonna take a well deserved sleep.

I headed up to my bedroom on the second floor and collapsed into bed without bothering to take my clothes off, falling asleep in seconds.

Absolute Comics - Season Two: The Monster Within

Shit I forgot about a lot of live action DC shows. I don't deserve those two laughs.