Waking up covered in sweat wasn't abnormal for Liz in the recent weeks. Being toward the end of her pregnancy coupled with the near nightly nightmares reminding the woman of the traumatic loss she had the last time she was in this position seemed to be a one way street to sweating through all her clothes. It also didn't help that the couple's black lab, Angus, was determined to stay as close to her as possible at all hours of the day. It wasn't until she turned to her still sleeping husband to also see him glistening from the sweat did she realise the sweltering heat of the room. Her eyes glanced over at the fan they had positioned next to her side of the bed in hopes to give her some relief in the night to find it not running. Furrowing her brow she reaches her arms out and attempts to flick it off and on again to no avail. With a deep sigh and a groan she peels off her sheets and pushes herself off the bed with a strained groan. She makes her way to the light switch, pushing away strands of her raven hair that escaped her bun and streaked her face, stuck down with sweat from the heat of the morning. Angus perked up his head jumping to action by Liz’ side to beg for his breakfast. He gave a hungry whine as Liz gave him a quick scratch behind the ears before turning her attention back to the light switch. She turned it on and off again. No changes.
”Power's out… again” she complains in Isaiah's direction in hopes he wasn't in deep enough sleep to not hear her.
Isaiah had begun to wake up when he heard his wife stirring around the room. The weight of her words coupled with a whine from Angus was enough to make him sit up on the edge of the bed. Groaning as he rubbed the back of his stiff neck, the man couldn’t help but sigh in defeat as the gentle throbbing of a morning hangover started in his head. Standing up into a stretch, Isaiah yawned before making his way over to where Liz stood. He briefly hugged her from behind and kissed the top of her head before making his way out of their bedroom towards the front door. It had always taken him a bit longer than Liz to shake off the morning grogginess. Adding that to the slow, sticky heat of the house and his hangover made words hard.
”Fucking shit,” he grumbled, opening the front door to let Angus out on the front lawn for his morning bathroom break. He propped the door open once the dog had exited the house in hopes of letting some sort of air flow in. From there, he moved into the kitchen, reaching under the counter for one of the spare rags that Liz kept down there for washing dishes. He turned the faucet on, letting the cool water soak the rag before whipping off his face and neck with a sigh of relief. Rinsing the rag off so that he could bring it back to his wife, he silently thanked whatever God that was still left that they were operating on city water instead of a well.
He handed the wet rag over to Liz with a sympathetic smile. ”Do you want me to try and find us something for breakfast,” he offered, the sweat already beading up and threatening to run down his face again. ”I can break out the old camping grill while you try and take a cool shower or something?”
By time Isaiah was patting down his face Liz had also made her way to the kitchen, beads of sweat collected around her face. She pushed open one of the windows in the kitchen, it gave a loud creak and little resistance as if it could fall off its hinges at any moment. Liz was honestly surprised it was still standing. She gave a small ”Thanks,” as Isaiah handed her the cool rag. A gentle sigh of content leaves her mouth as she also wipes down her head and neck. Watching the sweat reform on her husband's forehead she flips the rag over and wipes her husband's face with the side that was yet to be warmed by her sweat.
”Counter-offer, we take a cool shower then try to scrounge up some breakfast? You look like you're about to melt away.” Liz replies, wetting the rag once more and handing it to Isaiah before running the cool water in her cupped hands and tossing it at her face.
”Deal,” he agreed almost instantly, the corners of his mouth rising into a smile once more. Her thoughtfulness never ceased to amaze him, even in little moments like this. Cold showers sucked when the power went out in the winter. In the summer, Isaiah welcomed them like no other.
”I’m sure Husker has the generators running like usual if you’re up for it,” he offered, taking his turn with the rag once again while moving to fill Angus’s food bowl. All of the moving around in the heat was starting to make his head hurt worse. He chose to ignore it the best that he could, careful not to give any indication of his newfound drinking habit to his wife.
”Sounds like a plan,” Liz agrees, moving to turn on the coffeemaker. It takes her an embarrassing amount of time to figure out why it wasn't indicating any signs of working. Was it habit or baby brain? She shook her head slowly, all these dumb little instances seemed to be piling up over the past few months. She turned her attention back to her husband, her hands finding a resting place on her swollen stomach, hopefully he missed that little interaction.
”Hey, where were you last night?” she asks gently. Liz was sure Isaiah told her where he was going yesterday but a lot of the days seemed to fuse together for Liz. Turns out not having a job seemed to blur time together, she hoped that would change after their son was born. ”And what time did you get home? I tried waiting up but, you know me, it hits ten thirty and I'm half asleep.”
Isaiah chuckled slightly, picturing her sleepy face in his mind. He grabbed them both a can of Pepsi from the fridge while it was still relatively cool. While some people might recommend keeping the refrigerator closed to prevent what little they had in there, Isaiah knew there was no point because their shitty fridge wasn’t going to keep anything from spoiling by the end of the day. If the power came back on in an hour and he was wrong - even better. Regardless, he was going to enjoy what little he could in this life.
”Here we go,” he said, mustering up some fake enthusiastic triumph while he held the lukewarm beverage out to his wife. ”I know it isn’t really the best for you right now, but neither is coffee. N’ we both know that you’ll be murderous without a little caffeine to start your day.”
Popping the drink open, Isaiah moved back through the kitchen and living room to stand in the door frame. He took a deep breath, letting the morning breeze settle over his skin. Familiar scents of pine and honeysuckle transported him back to years past. Taking a drink of his Pepsi, it would be Liz’s voice that pulled him out of his nostalgia.
”Just back down at Huskers with some of the guys from the mill,” he lied smoothly, careful not to turn around so that she couldn’t see his face. ”Didn’t plan to be out so late,” he continued, keeping his voice steady and somewhat apologetic. ”Got wrapped up in some games of pool and before I knew it, it was already midnight or so.”
Liz gave a soft chuckle, gratefully accepting her husband's offering. ”Hey now, the doc said there's nothing wrong with a lil caffeine,” Liz argues in return, cracking open her soda and taking a prolonged sip, ”Better that then someone dead,”
It was funny, Isaiah forever made a big deal about her thoughtfulness but it seemed to always be him looking out for her. In truth sometimes Liz felt something close to useless at times recently, not that her husband ever said anything to make her feel that way but she knew, or at least was convinced, his moments of service to her outweighed the reverse by far, and here she was questioning him about his time to himself.
Isaiah's words cut through the flurry of thoughts that were her own mind. Her brow seemed to furrow slightly at his reply, she was glad his back was turned to miss her reaction. He'd been out every night the past week with some of the guys from the mill. A small inkling had been telling her something was off but the rest of her argued that thought. Isaiah seemed sure in his answer and he was no liar. Well that wasn't completely right but his lies came in the form of hidden surprises and “I'm okay"s when he was definitely not and “yes, dear, you're right"s when she wasn't, not in the form of his whereabouts late at night. She chalked it up to a mix of her raging hormones, lack of caffeine- she took another sip of her pepsi to work on counteracting that- and the stress of everything they were going through. Not to help the situation, the anniversary of Liz's last miscarriage was only a week away and Isaiah had a tendency to throw himself into work more this time each year so she figured this was his next best option.
Liz joined her husband at the door. Forgetting the stickiness of the morning, she smoothed out his hair with her free hand and wiped any sweat it caught on her shirt. She then rests the side of her head against his heavily muscled shoulder, most quiet mornings like this she'd stand behind him on her tip toes with her chin on his shoulder but that maneuver was getting harder to do in recent days. She takes another sip of her drink.
”Hey, so hard time coming up. How you feeling ‘bout that?” she asks somewhat cautiously. Isaiah wasn't one to snap or yell at hard questions, she wasn't scared of that, but she was definitely more willing to talk about hard feelings than him, even if he wouldn't admit it.
A small smile crept its way on to his face at her minor protests. While he knew that she had a point and would never do anything to put their child in danger, Isaiah still couldn’t help but feel uneasy about it all. Granted, they had done everything right in the last pregnancy and that didn’t seem to change anything. All the prenatal vitamins, making sure Liz wasn’t stressing too much, no deli meats, no sushi date nights, having to eat steak well done, having an extremely emotional, decaffeinated wife – none of it mattered. The thought made his shoulders heavy.
With Liz moving to stand beside him, Isaiah wrapped his arm around her shoulders, pulling her even closer. He rested his chin on top of her head, continuing to look out into the street in front of them. There was something about having her close that had always steadied him - calmed the thoughts in his head, removed some of the weight from his shoulders and made taking the deep breaths a little easier. It was something that the rest of the world would probably find him cheesy for, but to Isaiah it meant everything.
The weight of Liz’s question brought him back down to earth forcefully, reality hitting him a little harder than it usually did.
”Okay, I reckon,” he tried to deflect. The power outage was enough to deal with today. He didn’t really want to go adding the thoughts of their miscarriage on top of that, but he wasn’t about to ignore his wife or her feelings either. ”A little anxious, but I suppose that’s natural. You?”
Isaiah was deflecting, Liz knew that but that in itself gave her all the answer she needed, it was weighing on him too. At his question Liz gave a sigh, pressing closer to him, closing her eyes and taking in his scent, even in as heavy a conversation as this it seemed to calm her down. She shrugged. She took a couple of deep breaths before responding. She wondered why she didn't steady herself to answer the same question even though she knew it'd be thrown back at her. ”I don't know,” she mumbles, ”Everything's just kinda gone so fast I haven't had time to think about it properly. I guess…” Her words faded off as she thought to herself.
Liz was divided on whether her current pregnancy made this time easier or harder. On one hand it served as a constant reminder of what the pair had been through; every movement, every ache and every symptom that mimicked her last pregnancy brought a new wave of anxiety. Sometimes she saw it in Isaiah's face too. Not to mention a lot of her dreams would twist her memories, showing her replaying her past experiences with her current pregnancy. On the other hand, having the chance to try again gave her some form of hope- if that's what you called it. As much as the downer in her moved her thoughts to otherwise, part of her refused to believe this pregnancy would end the same way her last did. She was convinced she wouldn't let it, as if she had a say in the whims of nature itself and things she couldn't control. She took another breath.
”I think… I think I'll be ok,” she says, admittedly more shakenly than she'd hoped. Not a lie, but maybe not fully the truth. Ok could mean a lot of things. She could still be ok while being terrified. ”As long as this one's alright-” she places her free hand back on her bump, ”-and he is. I think we have a future martial artist on our hands,” she meekly jokes in an attempt to cut some of the tension that had settled in the air. ”I'll be ok. Just-” she cuts herself off a moment, the last thing she wanted to do was make Isaiah feel bad but the couple had a rule- to work out differences quickly before it blew out of proportion- that's what kept them away from massive blowout conflicts over the years. Sure, neither were perfect at it, but for the most part they were good at bringing important things up when it counts. ”I know the guys are important and I'm not saying to not go out and see them and all that- I'm actually glad you're keeping busy and seeing other people- but don't become too much of a stranger, kay? Hang around for dinner sometimes. I need you too,”
”That’s fair,” Isaiah began in response, taking another drink of his Pepsi. Things had been moving fast. It seemed as if only yesterday, they were staring in awe at two pink lines on a piece of plastic. Now within a few short weeks they’d be welcoming the newest member of their family.
Hearing the shakiness in Liz’s voice, Isaiah looked down at her. ”You know it’s okay if you’re not though,” he stated reassuringly. ”Like Ettie says - it’s okay not be okay.” He placed his hand on top of hers, a small smile threatening to peek through as she made comments about their son's potential future. Looking back out into the street, Isaiah now shifted so that his arm was back around Liz’s shoulders. Listening to her words, he nodded his head and gave her a simple ”’Course, honey.” before giving her another quick kiss on the forehead.
At his encouragement to admit she wasn't okay she looked back at her husband, attempting to meet his blue eyes. ”I could say the same to you,” she replies simply. She did wish Isaiah wasn't so reluctant to talk about his feelings in these things. Liz knew it realistically just came down to naturally just wanting to avoid these things but the way he so quickly spinned the questions back to her and discussed her feelings so easily made her wonder if he just thought he wasn't entitled to his own. She gave another sigh resting her head back on his shoulder.
”We should have that shower and get to Husker's before the heat makes us manic.” She looks outside, taking in the scene for the first time this morning. She wondered if they'd be able to manage living in the house much longer without a consistent income. If their savings could take them to Isaiah getting work. Would he even find something lucrative enough to cover all their living costs? Would Liz have to go back to work? Where would she go? Husker was a good man and she was a loyal employee but she knew he wasn't in need of staff. All these worries floated around in her mind. You're not meant to be stressing right now she internally reminds herself. She attempts to turn her attention to the now and presses a kiss to Isaiah's check before calling out for Angus to come rejoin them in the house.
For now they just needed to be somewhere cooler than the hotbox their house had become.
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