Sugar and Spite

Post a random fact about yourself.

I'm starting the journey of re-playing the Halo series from start to finish.

Men vs. Women Race to 1000: Version 2.0

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Post a random fact about yourself.

I like sour candy. Sour skittles being my favorite.

Or the gummy warheads. Or maybe its the warheads hard candy. Depends on my mood.

Post a random fact about yourself.

My father actually used to work at an oil change. Yesterday he told me that they typically blow out the air filters and that doing this sometimes allows for trash to get into a certain part of the engine. (I can't remember what it's called). Apparently their boss told them to do it even though it was bad for the car. Said boss owns an oil change, mechanic shop, and an inspection/tire service, as well as a car wash. So yeah, he used to make all of his employees do shady shit to force them into using his other services more or less.

Moral of the story: Don't blow out your air filter. Change the bitch.
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Also, none of that includes a fact about me, so here's one: While they leave good tips, old drunk guys that come in and look me up and down like a piece of fresh meat make me feel icky.

Post a random fact about yourself.

I've had a very stressful day.

I currently wish to roll up in a cacoon of blankets, be cuddled, have my hair played with and listen to the sounds of the storm outside as I drift off into a blissful sleep.

Buuuuuutttt..... it's to hot to be a sushi roll and the S.O.'s head hurts, so he passed out early. Insomnia never let's me sleep. So in short? I get none of these things. ;-;

Post a random fact about yourself.

I'm really insecure about my body -- like really insecure.

There's thousands of outfits or articles of clothing that I have put back or am to scared to even buy, much less wear or try out, because of said insecurities. I know it sounds stupid, but my whole life I've sort of had the idea of 'thin is beautiful' pounded into my head. I call myself fat, when in retrospect I'm what people call thick? Idk. I think I'm fat. Thick didn't even exist until like last year that I know of. I guess I criticize myself so much that my mind has tricked itself into thinking that everyone else does to upon meeting/seeing me.

Wow. What A Line?!

@Dervish Those are some pretty words.

Post a random fact about yourself.

So you guys know how I said I wanted to be a surgeon?

Well. I still do.

However, I cannot afford the college debt, so I will be going for nursing instead. Perhaps I'll save money while doing that and level up. Either way, I will get to be in the medical field, which is what I truly want.

The Quiet Thoughts of an Overactive Mind

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"No, I'm really not," she began, everything that she had pent up inside starting to break free. "I'm not okay and I've not been okay for a long time, but I thought I could manage, ya know? But I can't. I can't do this anymore. Especially not alone, but I'm to stubborn to accept help from anyone but myself. I walk around preaching about self love, arguing with people who say they are trash or pieces of shit when I feel the same exact way. I'm a hypocrite. I fake the smiles and the laughs and I can pretend all day long. God knows I'd have one hell of an acting career. But the fact is that when I'm alone? I break down. I'll catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and I stop and just sort of stare at myself. Not because I'm self centered, but because I can't believe what I've become. I look in the mirror and I'm sickened. I can't stand myself. Not the sight of me, not my voice, not anything. I see this flicker of light in my eyes sometimes, but its so long gone and I don't know how to get it back. I scream at the walls. I cut my wrists. My thighs. My arms. Anywhere I can fit another scar."

"There's these thoughts in my head won't go away. These dark, twisted thoughts that just beg me to do something irreversibly stupid. I often joke about wanting to die. You know that. Everyone knows that. But it's not that I actually want to die. I love life. I love the sunset and the stars. The ocean and the moon. The way the sun feels on my skin. The sound of music. I love all these things and more. No, it's not that I don't want to live it's that I am scared to live. More than anything. It's strange, I know, but it's the truth. I don't want to die. I don't want to live. I want to cease to exist."

"I constantly live in the past because the present confuses me. I'm scared of the future because I'm a thousand percent certain that I'll find a way to screw it up just like I have everything else."

"I'm confused. I hate emotions, but I don't want to cut them off. I hate the feeling that I get of being numb sometimes. I've tried to cut my emotions off and I can't. It's just that I'm so angry all the time. It used to be sad, and now it's just angry. Is it wrong to say that I miss the Sad? I still get sad, but even when I'm sad there's the anger. Sort of like some weird ratio. Sixty-five percent anger and thirty-five percent sad. I'm so afraid to get attatched, but I do it anyway. In reality, I actually have a really kind heart and I have so much love to give, but I push people that I care about because I always feel like such a burden."

"And I'm just tired, you see. Not from lack of sleep - I'm used to that. Not from working all day. Just the sort of tired that you feel in your bones; in your soul. Tired of fighting a battle that, in all reality, I lost so long ago. Tired of pretending that everything is okay when it's not. Do you know what I would give to just be okay for one freaking day?"

"I just need a moment to breathe.
I need a way to keep myself from turning Some thing in to nothing.
I could say that I need a way to be the girl that I used to be, but I never even had a chance to get to know myself. I couldn't go back to being that girl now anyway. She wasn't a damaged, emotionally scared piece of shit. After you've been that way for so long it starts to mess with you."

"Do you want to know the real kicker?!" she half screamed, hysterical as she fought back tears. "I HAVE NO REASON TO FEEL LIKE THIS." I have no child hood trauma. My parents never died. I wasn't neglected. I have a place to live. I have food to eat. I have people that love me. I have people that care for me, but it doesn't make what I'm going through any easier. I can't burden them with my problems. They have their own. I'll push them away eventually, I always do. Friends, family, lovers. Doesn't matter. Because I care about them, too. And when I care for someone, I feel that I have to protect them. My biggest threat to them is myself. So yeah, I push them away. No matter how many times it hurts. No, correction. No matter how many times it has hurt. I could name every person who I walked away from. I still lay in bed thinking of them at night. But having so of these things - having all of these people - it doesn't change anything. I wish if did.... But it doesn't."

"I could go on," she said, wiping the hard fought tears from her eyes. "But I don't want to bother you any longer. The answer to your question, simply, is no."

Palm Beach Royals: Senior Year

The last seven months had been insane for Sunshine. First her father's death, then moving to Florida with her aunt. Now she was switching schools - not that she was complaining. Public school hadn't really been her cup of tea. She was used to the stuffy uniforms and more challenging curriculum. So perhaps Kings Academy wasn't such a bad idea. That didn't change the fact that she missed LA.

She missed the city lights, walking down Hollywood Boulevard with a strawberry smoothie in hand as the heat all but smothered her. Now she had to settle for the beach. There was a different comfort in the vast blue waters that Sable couldn't seem to explain. Maybe it was the way the tide rolled in, bringing new sea shells up to the shore. Perhaps it was the way that it sounded. Either way, her journal was filled with bits and pieces of poetry written about it.

Doing research on Kings for the umpteenth time, the girl would be in her room. She didn't really plan to go out of the house today, but it seemed as if her mind just kept wandering back to the ocean. Closing her laptop and heading down stairs, she found herself taking the now familiar path to her new comfort zone. As she arrived, bare feet in the sand as she walked across the shore, she didn't stop walking until she was ankle deep in the water. Closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, she smiled.

This was Home now.

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Oliver had done a lot of thinking last night before passing out from exhaustion. He had decided to text both Martha and Raven, thinking they could help him sort out his thoughts. While Raven was some help, he never heard anything from Martha. Not only did his best friend ditch him, she wouldn't even respond to his texts. To say that Oliver was salty about it was saying that Santiago wasn't an asshole.

During his conversation with Raven, he had came to two conclusions. One - He liked Stella. That much was true and definite. Two - there was a possibility he was Bi. While Oli didn't have a problem with either fact, number two was still slightly confusing. Sure, while he had always been attracted to guys for the most part, he still thought some girls were attractive from time to time, though it was rarely. How had Raven put it again? "A bisexual that had the tendency to be a little more on the gay side?" Yeah that was it.

This morning didn't seem like it was going to come with any less thinking. He felt his phone buzz, and glanced at the screen. At least she wasn't ignoring him.

Mom needs my help with a few things around the house today. Maybe we could meet up after I'm done or something. Stay safe.

The young man sighed, rolling back over in his bed, falling asleep once more.