Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Ragrar
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Ragrar Endless in it's Eternal Protoocean

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Granted. You COULD make a perfect wish, but you are too worried about whether or not you SHOULD make it to ever actually do so.

I wish I had a small bowl of pork fried rice.
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by IntPenDespSword
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IntPenDespSword

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Granted. In front of you lies like five porcelain molecules, with a single protein found in rice on top. Enjoy your meal.

I wish for a safe genie who will only grant me a positive, integer amount of wishes.
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Feyblue
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Feyblue Lord of Floof

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Granted! The Genie will gladly grant up to 999 wishes, all of them in exactly the way you want them! And, of course, he is very safe - he's protected by an impenetrable magical barrier. Unfortunately, the barrier can't be crossed, seen through, spoken through, or permeated by any means whatsoever, making it impossible to interact with the genie in any way that will let you actually make a wish in the first place.

I wish that the next time somebody tried to make a wish in this thread, they'd be slapped by a giant fish!
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by TheUnknowable
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TheUnknowable Like Pineapple on Pizza

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Granted! The Genie will gladly grant up to 999 wishes, all of them in exactly the way you want them! And, of course, he is very safe - he's protected by an impenetrable magical barrier. Unfortunately, the barrier can't be crossed, seen through, spoken through, or permeated by any means whatsoever, making it impossible to interact with the genie in any way that will let you actually make a wish in the first place.

I wish that the next time somebody tried to make a wish in this thread, they'd be slapped by a giant fish!


Granted.

I wish...ouch. stupid 100 lb halibut came out of nowhere and now I've got to clean it up. Whoever comes next can have my wish, then.
Hidden 7 yrs ago 7 yrs ago Post by RinOkumara
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RinOkumara

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thanks

I wish I was a genie
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by CollectorOfMyst
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CollectorOfMyst

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Do you not realise that your wish has already come true?

I wish for someone to break this cycle of wishing.
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by ChickenTeriyaki
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ChickenTeriyaki Forum Ghost

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Granted
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by ChickenTeriyaki
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I broke it for one post. That should be fine.

I wish that my IQ would increase by at least 100 points.
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by IntPenDespSword
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IntPenDespSword

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Granted, whenever you take any IQ test, the shown result is a hundred higher than your current score, and your intel- ahem, pattern recognition is greatly increased, but no one believes you, and you are quickly featured on r/iamverysmart.

I wish for genies to have and follow an identical set of values as the person whose wish they're granting.
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Feyblue
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Feyblue Lord of Floof

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You are immediately distracted by and swiftly follow after a shiny set of numbers floating past you, and all the genies are distracted by and follow after similar sets. The value of these sets is mathematically equal, and both you and all the genies now have one, so your wish has been granted!

I wish that Cleveland would explode!
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by CollectorOfMyst
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Granted. Cleveland explodes into a massive, city-wide song-and-dance.
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Feyblue
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Feyblue Lord of Floof

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...That's actually BETTER. YOU FOOL, YOU HAVEN'T CRUSHED MY WISH - YOU'VE IMPROVED IT!
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by CollectorOfMyst
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You didn't make a wish... so I will assume you wanted a coup de grace and end your pitiful existence.

I wish downloads took only a second and never had the risk of viruses or overloading my computer/games consoles.
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Ryuzaki
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Ryuzaki Mad Prophet, and Herald of the Old Gods

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Granted, however, you may only download 16-bit porn.
I wish to end my suffering.
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Lord Orgasmo
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Lord Orgasmo Professional Disappointment since 1999

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Granted. You lose the mental capacity to feel suffering. You're basically a Vegetable now.

I wish I was a Super Saiyan.
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by ChickenTeriyaki
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Granted. It takes you five episodes to realize that you are actually the protagonist of a smutty harem anime, only with superpowers added in. Say goodbye to your virginity!

I wish that I knew how to play the piano.
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by CollectorOfMyst
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Granted. You now know how to play the piano. However, the only piano you are able to play has spikes instead of keys. To play would be incredibly painful.

I wish I didn't need to sleep.
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by BingTheWing
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BingTheWing menace to society

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Granted. You can remain conscious at night instead of falling asleep, but your body will still have a nightly need to not move and you will spend your nights in frozen, paralyzed, conscious agony.

I wish I could become a star without any burning sensations.
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by IntPenDespSword
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Granted, you instantly transform into a star, losing all senses and overall consciousness. Also, you engulf and roast the earth.

I wish for fewer songs to be written about love.
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Feyblue
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Feyblue Lord of Floof

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Granted. All songs that otherwise would have been written about love are now increasingly elaborate remixes of We Are Number One.

Speaking of which, I wish I had one of those toy saxophone things that Robbie plays in that song. That'd be fun.
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