the_Servant has signed on.

"Oh hello Servant, I'm so glad you came. Let's begin the interview. What's your real name? First and last please."
“Franklin Goldman, at your service; though I ask people to call me by my middle name, Cense.”

"Ah, I see, okay how old are you?"
“Twenty-seven, as of last October.”

"Hmm...This is more personal but what's your sexuality?"
“Entirely void. I tried looking up pictures back in high school, but it felt wrong inside. Oh, unless you meant… I would marry a girl, not a dude. If I could ever meet a girl; it’s harder and harder to tell the difference on the web. If I had a nickel for every guy online that has tried to pick me up… *sigh*

"Are you a man or woman?"
“I like to say I’m a man. I do have a sister who insists I’m still only a boy, but that’s her opinion. My opinion is that her criterion for becoming a man is perverse. Hard to believe we’re from the same household.”

"What do you look like? You can send a picture of describe yourself, though an image will help me more."
”Well, there are some more opinions thrown about on that. I’d like to think I have charming, if not especially rugged, features. My sister simply calls me effeminate. Her words sting lightly, but I decided some time ago that if low-class ruffians chose to call refinement “feminine,” I would rather accept the label than try to grow facial hair and develop a beer gut.
“I suppose a picture would be easier. Don’t mind the costume; the rare occasions I actually have a picture taken all involve my sister, and this particular one was a ludicrous party idea that I don’t wish to relive, even in memory.”

”I didn’t like to admit it when I was younger, but I really did take after my mother. The blonde hair, the raised cheek bones--even her eyes. Bless her, she always said she preferred glasses to just having a quick surgery. Somehow that stuck with me, so I keep wearing them, too. I like to think they make me look more intelligent and refined.”

"What's your occupation?"
”I work as tech support for… well, the little-heard-of sub-company called Visiowares, though that’s just a branch of the mega-corporation WaresHouse. My end is dealing with the various ocular implants and enhancements people buy and struggle to use. Rarely does it require field work, and every time it has I find myself, unsurprisingly, at the home of someone elderly who won’t give in and join a group home yet. Mr. Reasner has been half of those, the crank.”

"How would you describe your personality?"
”I? I would declare myself as intelligent and competent. There’s no ‘sense’ in trying to muscle through a problem; just think! Ah, if only I could convince everyone to be wise, I would need say nothing more. But many a man yet fails to comprehend the basics of existence, and so I try to be helpful in what small ways I can while they learn.
“I can’t claim any real athletic ability; while I’m not obese in any sense, my muscles haven’t seen any intense work in half a decade. No, I would much rather solve problems with my intellect. It’s cleaner, neater, and requires far less clean-up afterward.
“I hope that answered your question. I’m not sure what else you may be looking for, you see. I suppose I’m more spiritual than most; on Sundays when I’m not otherwise engaged, I skim for a church site to sit in on a live sermon. I don’t have much of a reason to do so, as I won’t commit to joining a flock or anything of the sort; perhaps it’s just one more of those habits I inherited from Mother. Or maybe I really do hope, deep down, that one of these times I’ll find whatever it is I’m looking for there.”

"How tall are you? How much do you weigh?"
”I am a whopping 5’ 9” and 150, and I feel like a giant with it… because it’s more than my sister, and the only other person I see on even a semi-frequent basis is Mr. Reasner. I know I’m short—well, small in general—for a man. I just try to keep that in perspecitve: I’m still taller than Miranda.”

"What's your favorite color?"
”Odd question; I suppose I would pick a nice cyan. Something cool and healing.”

"What type of person interests you romantically?"
”Well, I can talk about a nice smile or being kind to others, but I think what I want most is to find someone who will challenge me intellectually. If I ever find a woman capable of stunning my sister into silence using only her words, I’ll propose on the spot. Really, the mind is so much more important than the body! If a girl’s only means of attracting a man is flaunting her body, I’ll kindly stay away so I’m not tempted to state clearly what I actually think of that.”

"This question can be skipped, but it's most essential to my study so I'd prefer an honest answer. Know that you're in a safe place here with me, no one else will ever have to know. Do you have any physical/mental disabilities? Any traumas?"
”Ummm… None that come to mind. I could name some bad experiences—I had to grow up with Miranda, after all—but I can’t call it trauma.”

"What gaming genre do you prefer to play when feeding your addiction?"
”Unequivocally, I play strategy games. I have a pair of city-builder games I keep an eye on, but my favorites are the heavy titles in turn-based strategy. Sid Meier is a veritable legend in my mind; also, at one point I started learning German because they’ve always been so much better at making good games.”

"Share some of your history with me."
”Well, I’m an average Joe as far as I can tell. I’m the second of two kids, born into a middle-class family to humble parents who could only afford to give me an eight-inch handheld for my third birthday. I was cursed with an overactive sister who craves physical touch and social interaction, so I didn’t get to spend half as much time alone on a screen when I was young as the other kids my age. It was so bad, at one point I actually ran away from home. It wasn’t because of my parents or unfulfilled dreams; I just couldn’t survive being around my sister any longer. All the pokes, the nudges, the grabbing-me-by-surprise—it was too much!
“That was an interesting time, though. That was the first time I spoke with a girl who wasn’t my sister. She was much more shy. Much more kind. Much more lady-like in every way, now that I think back on it. I ran into a girl who was outside playing in the dirt. I had to ask three times what she was doing because I couldn’t understand it. But she invited me to play, too, so I did. It was weird. I never made a habit of that.
“Anyway, it gave me enough courage to go back home. Mom was in tears when I finally came back; those three hours were the longest I had ever been outside the house. I had to explain what I had done, so I told them I had lost a ball out the window and was trying to find it. It was a weak excuse (Miranda didn’t believe it for a second), but at least life went on as normal after that. I went through schooling online, only going to a physical building to test. I made it through the local college that way, too, earning an easy degree in IT because I knew I would always be able to find work with that.”

"Your strengths?"
”I’m definitely brain over brawn. Give me a puzzle, a riddle, a problem to solve. If a situation needs some refinement, or perhaps just some simple etiquette, I’m your man. This may also be a good time to mention my dry wit. I count it a strength as it irritates my dear sister so.”

"Your fears and weaknesses?"
”I suppose I fear a lonely future. My work has brought me into contact with many old people, so I’ve spent some time pondering what I want to be like when I’m old. Above all else, I don’t want to be like Mr. Reasner. I also have a healthy—I might even say life-saving—fear of any of my sister’s “good ideas.” And, as I’ve mentioned, I’m not good at most anything physical. My body simply isn’t trained for it.”

"What role do you play in your games?"
”I’m a master, an overlord, a king of AIs. In those situations where I’m working with a group instead of competing against other players, I step to the side and take the role of strategist and tactician. I don’t want the headache of trying to lead people who won’t follow.”

"What do you hope to gain by participating in my game?"
”For one, I want to satisfy my curiosity as to what all this is about. For two… let’s just say I have a feeling life can’t get boring when you’re involved. Is that a fair assessment? I don’t need money (though I’d probably take it if you offered). I have food, shelter, and clothing. What I need is something a little more transcendent than physical needs. I need Life. Can you give me more Life than do my games?”

"Is there anything I missed?"
”Yeah, how about some more instructions? Do I need to start going somewhere at a certain time, or perform some other mysterious action? And, if you don’t mind my asking, what is your real name?”

…

*thump*

PapaSong has signed on

"Oh hello PapaSong, I'm so glad you came. Let's begin the interview. What's your real name? First and last please."

"Is this supposed to be some kind of joke? I already gave my details when I created an account and I sure as hell didn't forget my account details. Whatever. Rowan Kennicot."

"Ah, I see, okay how old are you?"

"Trying to see if I violated the terms of service or whatever? This isn't some adult website or mature rated game or something. I'm twenty-five."

"Hmm...This is more personal but what's your sexuality?"

"Are you sure this isn't some kind of stupid weird joke? You gonna ask for my credit card number next? Maybe my social security or government I.D.? How is this at all relevant to...whatever the hell this is? Ugh. Absolutely pointless. But if you *must* know I'm..you know...not strictly straight. That's all you're getting."

"Are you a man or woman?"

"Was the name not a dead give away? I'm a woman."

"What do you look like? You can send a picture of describe yourself, though an image will help me more."

"I'm surprised you can't just hack into my webcam or some shit. I dunno what you're capable of or what sort of game this is. I don't really do life sims or games like this. Whatever, I'll include a photo if it'll make it easier."

"What's your occupation?"

"I know, it looks like I'm a student with that enclosed photo, right? That was taken during college but the only different now is that I weigh a couple pounds more - thanks to the fast food that's clearly in the photo that went straight to my thighs - and my hair is just as short. But I'm not a student. I'm a baker. Businesswoman. I co-operate a bakery. And it consumes most of my time."

"How would you describe your personality?"

"Me? I'm not sure I would; that's like when they ask kids to use five adjectives to describe themselves but that's what they do to teach kids what an adjective is. Is that what you want me to do? Come up with some adjectives? Because I'm not going to do that. My co-worker once told me I'm overly serious because I don't have a great sense of humor but I think there's a difference; just because I don't laugh at bad jokes doesn't mean I lack a sense of humor. I'm just focused. I set goals and I accomplish them what's wrong with that? It may not leave me with much in the way of hobbies but what's wrong with that? I take enjoyment in what I do. I'm assertive. Somewhat. Which is a nice way of saying that I sometimes don't think before I speak and that leads to trouble - particularly when I insult customers. I guess I'm lacking a bit in social graces but I get on well enough. I've got a sharp mind for numbers and memorization and pattern recognition.

So I'd describe my personality as...decently complex. Which is to say I'm often stressed and in need of a reliever. Which is probably why I play games."

"How tall are you? How much do you weigh?"

"Now you're getting real personal. 5'6" and...the last time I checked I was around uh...one fifty two and a half..."

"What's your favorite color?"

"Purple. Next question."

"What type of person interests you romantically?"

"Feminine. Take that as you will. I like them...cutey."

"This question can be skipped, but it's most essential to my study so I'd prefer an honest answer. Know that you're in a safe place here with me, no one else will ever have to know. Do you have any physical/mental disabilities? Any traumas?"

"If it can be skipped, I'm going to skip it. Fuck your study. My traumas or whatever are mine to know. There's a line and you're not crossing it."

"What gaming genre do you prefer to play when feeding your addiction?"

"It's not an addiction, it's a hobby. There's a very clear difference. I don't just play games all the time. I could go without it. It's not like drugs or porn or whatever addictions people on those shows have. Why am I getting so defensive over this? Whatever. MMOs, but only PvP and top tier raiding and tactical strategy games. There's no fun if there's no competition. I tried playing shooters but somehow MMO voice chats are less creepy."

"Share some of your history with me."

"I was born. I grew up. My parents got a divorce. I blamed myself. They did too. I lived with my aunt. My mom blamed my aunt for 'influencing me' because my aunt was dating someone else's aunt. I graduated high school. I was in the band and the choir but had to give up both because my college didn't have room for me on either team. My dad tried to reconnect with me at my graduation but he got kicked out of the ceremony because he was drunk and shouty. I went into business with my college room mate and best friend. I live with her and her husband where I feel like a third wheel. Sometimes they try to set me up on dates. I need a new place. Such an interesting life story. I'm sure it's riveting."

"Your strengths?"

"I'm pretty sure I covered the majority of this in that weird personality part but who really reads all this stuff anyway? I could put anything here it's all an automated process anyway. If you must know my greatest strength is that I get shit done. I may not have graduated at the top of my class but ever since opening the bakery I've made sure we never missed a payment to the bank or utilities and I have what some can call a competitive spirit. I think that's why it's hard for me to connect to people. I see a lot of interactions as a competition. Oh my god maybe it is an addiction."

"Your fears and weaknesses?"

"If I have a weakness it's my lack of social etiquette. I don't get out much, work takes a lot of my time and then so do raid nights which can last hours. I fear that what my roommate-slash-friend-slash-business partner says is true. That my own admittedly potentially off-putting personality will make me like my mother in the end. Bitter and in a loveless relationship surviving only via a bottle and a loveless child. Christ how bleak. How did I ever start talking about this."

"What role do you play in your games?"

"Tank. Check my profile. I'm in the top percentile of tanks in my region. I know my rotation better than I know my own PIN. I've hosted tanking seminars in game for noobs. And I know not to stand in fire and how to use cooldowns. Plus I only blame the healer if they deserve blame."

"What do you hope to gain by participating in my game?"

"I'm not even sure what this game is. I'll play long enough to get bored I suppose. Which is happening rather quickly."

"Is there anything I missed?"

"Yeah. A fucking explanation."