Flashback:
(song found/credited to na)
A pair of icy dark blue eyes blinked open, partially blinded by the intense morning summer light, softened by the shade of the tree towering in front of the young wolf. A lithe, young form that kept to the shadow peered around at a hut. Small, fluffy, white normally perked upright, drooped as if deflated, almost hiding in his messy violet hair. The vibrant, lustrous purple appeared faded and lanky, as if washed out or drained, matching the paling skin that stood starkly against the sunlight seeping through gaps.
The morning air felt cool and crisp with an abundance of various scents of fruits and plants, musty earth, and wildlife. Activity buzzed all about with bugs whizzing and buzzing about, the flap of some unseen bird's wings followed by the faint chirps of chicks feeding.
Menzai paid no heed to them; nature’s beauty had lost its allure, the smells and sights that had made him curious, the unknown mysteries that made exploring captivating, the sound of laughter that warmed up the heart now only felt empty. All the colors and wondrous sights; all appeared grey in the boy’s sunken eyes. An empty sadness and bitter grief peered cooly through the greyish gloom past the tree to the small hut nestled a short distance from other gathered huts. This had been made to give the intended patron a bit more privacy; little good it did with the group of young cubs, of varying ages, consisting mostly of boys, though a few girls mixed in, crowding their way around the vine-covered entrance.
Their loud, curious chattering voices blended, making it difficult to discern who spoke, although he didn't try much. He found little need in trying or much in anything. Without Trinity, what worth was there in life?
A bitter thought that persisted in his every thought. Each day, life grew a little duller and waking a little heavier. Sometimes unsure if he was awake or in a nightmare, though most times felt as if both.
How or why he bothered to find himself there was difficult to say, as things tended to be a blur; walking merely to walk for staying still left his mind vulnerable to stray ideas or hallucinations. At times, he might catch glimpses of his little sister in shadows and dark corners, the soft, giggly whispers of her voice on the wind.
A torturous reminder that bitterly stung freshly at the sounds of the kids' excitable laughing, flinging their questions without rhyme or gaps of time to answer into the room.*
Hngh…look at them..swarming around that elf girl like she’s some kind of attraction. Not like they haven’t seen elves before.* He thought with a bitter huff. Though for the younger generations it was.
The sallow-skinned wolf was perplexed and confused by the village's strange fascination with this elf kid. She was an outsider, wasn’t she? It made little sense to accept her when the tribe was still recuperating and adjusting to the jungle. This was no place for an elf.
And yet, hardly could anywhere in the village without hearing rumors and talks about her; of what a miracle it was for the poor girl to be carried safely through such dangerous territory. She needed a place to stay and be kept safe, that was clear, and none of the Oruna tribe would turn down any lost traveler in need, certainly least a child.
Still, to see the tribe nigh obsessed over the girl’s wellbeing, the way the kids showed no decorum in obnoxious questioning. The claws of his right hand scraped and dug into the tree’s bark, watching the group.”
Tch, bunch of nosy mewling pups.” He muttered under his breath with a low growl, his solemn expression hardening into annoyed disdain; a part of him wanted to go over and tell them to bug off as they were bothering the neighbors with their obnoxious overzealousness.
“
And she’s still recovering, isn’t she? How they expect her to sleep with-” Muttering his disdain lowly, shifting to step forward, but sounds of someone pushing through the blockage had him halt as a new voice had spoken up through the chatter; familiar, female, though not until the voices calmed down did he realize it to be Dawn.
There were only a few that could manage to calm a group of excitable cubs, and among them, Dawn was one of the more calming presences. She was often viewed as the big sister to the kids and a friend who repeatedly sought to help them, but received silence at each turn.
He still saw her as a friend, but seeing her only brought him painful memories of Dawn playing with his sister; her voice, her scent, it brought imagery of the pair laughing, braiding each other's hair while he was busy fretting and worrying; her poor health made most activities too strenuous. Her coughing fits were frequent and easily incurred, though the girl, older in experience and a motherly understanding, knew to be gentle. The pair did enjoy teasing his worrywarting ways, which he hardly appreciated, but the smile it gave Trinity made all the frantic near panics and scares worth it.
Feeling a cold tightness in his chest, an icy hand gripping at his heart, then a vehement shaking of the head with a panted gasp for air. Panting and grasping to catch his breath, his vision blurring briefly as a flash of lightheadedness struck him. The young wolf found himself leaning more against the tree, his body fighting through hunger, despite the villagers' attempt to get him to feed; his appetite turned to ash.
His heated forehead pressed against the rough bark, cool to the touch; the sturdy trunk offered him familiarity and stability.
He struggled initially, starting slow and small, working in a little bit of air with each quick inhale till he was drawing a deep lungful, his chest rose, shaking off the coldness that nearly choked him.
As his breathing settled, a glint of amber from within the hut peeked through the vines; unsure if he saw it or felt it, though his head pulled from the treetrunk towards the hut. Blinking in disbelief as he peered at the doorway, thinking he had glimpsed a hint of color peeking out. In that tiny glimpse, he felt a sliver of comforting warmth.
Menzai stared in cold befuddlement when his tilted ears found that things had quieted down some inside. Enough for him to catch snippets of Dawn’s voice and mention of name? His ears perked in understanding.*
Her name? What..what does that matter?* He huffed ruefully, intending to turn his ear away, but instead found himself almost straining to catch the elf girl’s words.
“Ph… “ His strained ears could only make out a small part of her soft voice, the words appearing to falter. Agitation crossed his face as he sought to focus more, but found managing this much too taxing on his hunger-tired body.
A scowl overtook him then as he realized what he was doing and stubbornly turned away.*
Grr..what are you doing? She’s no one, just some elf…Ph…what did she-* Catching his curiosity creeping and ceased it with a low growling huff, excusing what he thought felt another of the shadowy tricks. What matter did he have to care what an outsider’s name was? How do they so easily and readily accept her?
A sharp exhale through his nose as he lifted his gaze to see that he faced the tree; there, he would take notice of his small, clawed hand clutching the trunk. Trembling fingers dug deep into its bark, cracked around the scraped fingers with beads and streaks of red, the knuckle poked out harshly white from the intense strain.
Gingerly pulling his claws to gaze over the scraped fingers, taking in the indents, dark holes hinted red. But in place of pain, he only felt numbness, though as he studied the damage he caused, his face softened with shame.
*
I..what am I doing?* His brows furrowed into a frown with a mournful sigh. The tree had done nothing to him to deserve such wounds, just as the elf girl did not deserve his ire. And yet, turning his attention to the hut, he felt conflicting anger; the source of his animosity escaped him, and a curious envy, an urge to join them.
But his body refused to move from the shade, the way his hand unconsciously fought to stay in place. Still, this strange little pull persisted, and his rage began to boil even when he saw no reason to be.
Before he could let the confusing rush of emotions take hold, the tired wolf forced himself to turn around. His back pressed to the trunk with a small grunting panting huff, the pounding in his chest ebbed with each forced gasp.”
S-stop it! There’s..you got no reason to bother her…she..she has Dawn with her.”His breath hitched and came out shaky while partially peering around his shoulder, peeking at the group laughing and prattling about sleep. Some he thought spoke her name, but the jumbled voices covered conversation.
His expression saddened with a tired, meek shake of the head.*
Better her than..than..” Sharply inhaling, glancing at his trembling hand once more, sniffling as tears threatened to well up against his wishes.
“ I-I’m scared..big brother! I-I can’t…your hand.. It's slippery…bro-” A tired and scared voice whispered on the breeze; a high-pitch scream of terror shrieked in his ears as flashes of a muffled face stuck in horror.
A visage burned forever into his frozen eyes; a night terror that stalked him relentlessly. A failure he could and would never forget.
His trembling hand closed into a fist while pressing further into the tree as if afraid of an unseen phantom. An urge to hide overwhelmed him.*
N-no….i-its best I stay away.” His mouth twitched angrily at the sight of his hand.*
Useless…a useless monster. You…you couldn’t even…” Biting his lip, breath heavy on his lips curled into disgust as his off hand gripped the trembling on in a tight hold.
He gave it a harsh squeeze, leaving fresh scratches along its back and knuckles, fighting back the hateful rage towards himself.*
I..I won’t…can’t let anyone get hurt cause of me…* Sniffling back a small sob as he allowed his body to slide down along the tree till he sat under its base, where thick gnarled roots stuck out from the ground at his sides, where he huddled himself.
Sitting there, huddled in the dark shade, Menzai hugged his legs against his chest; hearing bits of laughter or chatter, a pang of guilt and envy weighed and coiled in his gut. His body shivered as if it had turned freezing.
Amidst the cold chill, a tiny warmth could be felt at the small of his back. What or where it came from, the wolf couldn’t say; was it the elf girl? What the sensation was or how he felt it didn’t matter; it offered him a semblance of respite.
*
This…I don’t know, but even if it's just this then..then it will be enough.* Finding himself relishing and leaning back against the tree, and for a moment felt as if he was in the hut with them.
“
P…she said her name was P something.” Muttering his recollection of her name, only catching a letter, but remembered more the cuteness of her voice.”
…Sweet P…..rest well.” A muttered sniff, closing his eyes, remaining in the shadow, the sense of her closeness a blanket against the loneliness.
