I bet no one has the balls to be on the coast adjacent to where my empire is about to spill over into.
Not that i'm suggesting anything of course...
Not that i'm suggesting anything of course...
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Country Name: Dominion of Ordov
Government: De Jure Constitutional Feudal Monarchy, De Facto Theocratic Dictatorship
Ruler: Karnak del'Vemeron is the Tia'Gevor, or high king, of the Dominion. However, the sixteen year-old boy is known to be a puppet of Urrag vel'Meskemos, Grand Marshall of the Dominion Legion. He is assisted by the Council, which consists of the nine Marshalls (All appointed by the Grand Marshall or the Tausar'Luysi), the Grand Admiral and the Keeper of the Keys (the royal treasurer and accounts keeper).
Location: Northern Region 5. The western half of the large river valley, largely encompassing the major river delta, and some of the foothills to the north and south of it. Ordovin call this the Vale of Ordov, or the Ord'Hyryyn.
Capital City: Damarskan
Language: Ordovin
Species: Human
Population: 4,020,320
The Council
Tia'Gevor Karnak del'Vemeron
Grand Marshall Urrag vel'Meskemos
Grand Admiral Martiros vel'Kasparov
Keeper of the Keys Malek ne'Torem
Marshall Andros vel'Orbansk
Marshall Kas vo'Eadwyn
Marshall Reichyn ne'Skamos
Marshall Revek ne'Hulik
Marshall Jaesyn ne'Parajos
Marshall Tadeos ne'Sasuni
Marshall Ishkhan ne'Bedros
Marshall Karo ne'Krikorian
Marshall Haykaser ne'Urfalos
Each Marshall receives a single vote, save Andros and Kas, who each get two. The Keeper of the Keys and the Grand Admiral get three, and the Grand Marshall has five. The Tia'Gevor gets seven, but almost always votes in the Grand Marshall's favor.
History
The tribes of Ordov rose to power some three thousand years ago in the verdant river deltas and valleys of the northern Eastern Hill Region. Organized in to clans with familial and religious ties, these tribes laid claim to large swaths of territory for hunting, grazing, and foraging purposes, fiercely raiding over-ambitious neighbors. On the coasts of the Great Lake and the Western Ocean the tribes became more sedentary, the ghekhavs of these tribes building crude stone and wood fortifications. As the tribesfolk became more numerous and spread out, the Ordovin were somewhat forced in to a more agrarian life-style. Barges and river galleys plied the rivers and lakes, and they served as adept middle-men with neighboring nations. They made war on each other when times were lean and their neighbors were weak, or traded when the harvest had been plentiful and warfare was less certain. Eventually, the greatest of the ghekhav named themselves the bardzr'ghekhav and raised great strongholds at the most important fords and valleys so as to control trade and travel in Ordov.
The Gevor of Ordov formed a council at the city of Damarskan to resolve issues between clans and to discuss the betterment of Ordovin society in general. This led to creation of the House of Lords, where the thirteen Great Families set down the ancient laws of Ordov. With this unit, Ordov finally saw proper infrastructure; broad highways connected its fledgling cities and towns where rivers could not reach, castles and towers protected its borders, and schools, hospitals, and foundries sprung up in Ordovin settlements. Across the way from the House of Lords was the Temple of Light, where the priestesses of the Tausar'Luysi administered the ancient truths and dispensed healing, wisdom, and justice to all those who accepted their ways, though at the time it had not become the state religion.
Eventually, a shadow rose in the south, a power to rival that of a united Ordov. The armies of the Vydari -- merciless and blood-thirsty goblinkin, demon-worshippers and depraved warriors all -- marched against the Gevor. The clans of Ordov assembled a ragged and unruly host of tribal levies and household fighters, many of them suspicious of each other or harboring ancient grudges. Before they even arrived on the frontlines to fight the Vydari, the armies were falling apart, each general assuming he had the right way of leading, and even sometimes fighting eachother. They faced many bloody defeats before even managing to slightly slow down the goblin advance. Morale was low, and many even wanted to bow down and become slaves of the Vydari just so that they might live.
The most successful of these generals, Bardzr'Ghekhav Urrag vel'Meskemos, turned his battered armies around and marched home. Others demanded his intentions, even as the Vydari fell on his beleaguered comrades and put them to the sword. His forces arrived at Damarskan, and he ordered the Council to allow him inside so that he might defend his city from the Vydari; their hordes harrassed his fellow generals and their armies, or was left of them, and were days away from the capital. Fretful but suspicious, the Gevor families allowed his army in. Urrag and his retinue of veteran warriors strode in to the House of Lords. The Families berated him, bemoaning their fate and blaming the loss of Ordov on his cowardice. The Bardzr'Ghekhav calmly drew his sword, and his warriors began to butcher the Thirtreen Families.
Most of their guards away fighting on the frontlines, or quieting the slowly growing rebellion in the city streets, few of the Gevor or their kin were able to survive the Purge. The steps of the House of Lords ran red with blood, and butched, naked bodies were flung from the windows. All but one of the families were massacred, root and stem, and of this family, only the children were spared. Urrag placed a gory crown of steel on the oldest boy's head and proclaimed him the Tia'Gevor, the high king, of Ordov. The priestesses of the Tausar'Luysi backed his claim and pronounced that the Light shone through the child, and would banish the coming darkness. Desperate and afraid, the people of Damarskan rallied behind Urrag. With their support, and that of the secret, private army of the church, was able to break the Vydari horde on the walls of Damarskan. Emboldened, the surviving armies of the other generals crept out of hiding and hounded the fleeing monsters in to the wilds, slaughtering the majority of them.
Over the next few years, the Tausar'Luysi's warriors and the army of Urrag vel'Meskemos rode around the countryside, destroying the clans who would not bow down to the new order, and slaughtering those shamans and druids who would not personally come to the Temple of Light and bow down, forsaking their "demon spirits" and accepting the Light. Most of the Bardzr'Ghekhav capitulated peacefully rather than see Ordov riven by more war, and those that fought could not last for long when their own warriors were turning against them left and right. In six years, the Dominion of Ordov rose from the ashes as one nation, like a thousand daggers tempered in to one shining sword. Today, scholars and conspiracists whisper that Urrag funded and incited the Vydari invasion so as to create a situation in which the people of Ordov would quickly rally behind him, but such rabble-rousers dissapear quickly or swiftly change their minds.
Description
Ordov is a sprawling empire, once a collection of petty tribal kingdoms and city-states ravaged by war, monstrous invasion, and a horrifying purge by a brutal dictator. Its people are fierce warriors and canny traders, exploring freely along the highways of earth and water. While tied to the land by tradition, Ordovin cities grow every day and ring with the sounds of hammer and saw as a medieval industrial revolution feverishly grips the country. The Dominion has prospered by ambitious economic and military expansion, picking on weaker neighbors and cozying up with ones of equal or greater strength, hiring out its young sons and daughters to serve as mercenaries to help weaken other powers.
The average Ordovin is a farmer or fisherman. He (Or she) lives in a large manorial estate, usually a rambling, brightly painted collection of buildings on a river or lakefront, often built partially over the water on stilts. They live with an extended family of about dozen people, who tend the fields or cast nets and lines out on the water from small green and purple-painted boats. Fertile volcanic soil allows cultivation of wheat and barley as well as pasturage for sheep, goat, and horses. With the help of irrigation, figs, pomegranates, apricots and olives are also grown on the west coast, with peaches and walnuts being more common in the central valley or in the eastern valleys. Each member of the family above the age of fourteen is required to train fourteen hours a week for the war-levy, with axe, bow, and spear -- all of these weapons can be found in the average Ordovin home.
Ordovin people stand tall, with skin the color of honey and dark brown or burnt orange hair. Their eyes are usually green or blue, with the folk dwelling in the east tending towards grey-blue. Most Ordovin are leanly muscular and well-built; archery, spear-throwing, and foot- and water-races are popular past-times, among every social class of the Dominion. Only ranchers and the nobility ride with any regularity, and most travel is done along the great rivers and streams running through the Vale of Ordov. The most popular garment is a simple, loose vest cinched at the waist with a braided belt and pair of baggy trousers, either tucked into knee-high leather boots or rolled up to the knee and worn with sandals. During holidays and festivals, this outfit is augmented by a scarf, shawl, mantle, or cloak, often in clashing colors with stripes and other simple geometrical shapes. Orange, purple, blue, and green are popular colors.
When not tending the fields and rivers or training for war, Ordovin life is very idyllic. Pleasure barges ply the heavily populated river, their rigging glowing with strings of colored lamps, and their decks echo with the music of dulcimer, hand drum, lute, and occasionally the violin or flute. These pleasure barges function as a mix of tavern, theater, and brothel, and even sell minor trinkets and important odds and ends, such as salt and needles and bits of lace and velvet. Popular drinks include cognac, whiskey, bitter stout, and mead flavored with peaches and pomegranates, though the tenets of the Path of Enlightenment mean that drinking to excess is rare. Most prostitutes are women approved of by the Tausar'Luysi, and bear a special token proclaiming their cleanliness; those that do not bear this token may find getting clients difficult. Drugs like opium are strictly forbidden, by the laws of Ordov and the tenets of the Path. Anything that permanently damages the mind or body is seen of as evil, a way for demons to enter and corrupt the weakened spirit.
Despite its dictatorial government, Ordovin society is largely meritocratic. Advancement occurs by serving in the military, gaining wealth for the Dominion, or by joining the Priesthood. Conscripts and volunteers both serve for a minimum of four years; if the nation is at peace, they are offered a modest hide of land and a purse of silver at the end of their service, or extended four year terms (With exponential rewards). Merchants become the captains of ships or the masters of caravans by serving loyally and investing heavily in the enterprise in question, journeying to foreign lands and making new connections. Eventually they become princes and retire, managing vast plantations or mines and funding new masters and captains, continuing the process -- which can only grow larger.
Ordov mines primarily produce gold, lead, and copper, so it must be sparing or trade with other countries for iron and coal. They mint tiny copper trade bars with gold dusting as their primary currency and rate of exchange, and due to the amount they produce, Ordovin barter-bits can be found all along the western coast, and might even form the basis of a standard rate of exchange with many nations of the inner strait. This is partly because Ordovin merchants are so widespread, and because Ordovin foundries produce so many of these bits and give them out freely as gifts to foreign banks and nobles.
Law and order in the Dominion is brutally harsh, but more or less fair. Murder, rape, arson, and other extreme crimes are always punished by public humiliation and execution, often with poetic justice in mind (Arsonists are burned alive at the stake, for example). Theft or larceny of any sort (Including fraud) has a three strikes penalty. On the first account, six of the criminal's fingers (Their choice) are broken. On the second account, those fingers are removed. On the third account, they are branded and sent to the mines for hard labor for the rest of their lives. The young Tia'Gevor publicly dispenses justice once a week in the House of Lords, though it is mostly the dictator and the other Marshalls who make the actual decisions. Otherwise, local ghekhav and Tausar'Luysi settle disputes and resolve social issues.
Army: Roughly 10% of nation's population (400,000)
Most of Ordov's army is formed of the Norrakoch. These are tribal and clan warriors who go to Damarskan to receive uniform equipment and training; this process stamps out their heritage and individualism and makes them weapons of the state. Norrakoch wear leather shirts sewn with bronze scales, and hardened leather greaves, bracers, and gauntlets. Their shields are of interesting design; composed of half a dozen long, slender branches with bundles of reeds tightly woven around them, the entire collection having a strip of hardened hide stretched over it. This makes it highly resistant to attacks from flung stones, spears, and arrows, and from light one-handed weapons, but very weak to the attacks of two-handed swords and axes. Norrakoch wield one- or two-handed axes, typically with crescent moon blades with a spike on the back, or eight-foot spears with an additional foot of leaf-shaped blade, or a recurved horn-and-wood composite bow. They fight in crescent formation, slowly rushing forward while firing arrows or throwing hatchets and javelins before closing in to melee, hacking away at the enemy and screaming tribal chants before retreating, firing as they go, and repeat the process.
Veteran Norrakoch are allowed to equip themselves with the weapons and armor of the fallen, as long as they can continue to clearly identify themselves as Ordovin troops. Norrakoch that have survived many battles are kept in the reserve as a second or third wave to throw at already exhausted troops that have managed to fend off the original onset of bloodthirsty tribal legionaires.
Irregular Light Infantry Skirmishers (210,000)
Veteran Medium Infantry Skirmishers (70,000)
The shepherds and household warriors of the foothill clans -- only loosely sworn to the Tia'Gevor -- are called down to fight for the Dominion in times of extreme hardship. In times of peace they bludgeon each other with staffs and slings and outdrink and outbreed each other in huge festivals, gorging themselves on beer, fermented goatsmilk, mutton, and barley porridge. When summoned for war, they don layers of hide and crudely tanned leather armor, reinforced with the bones, claws, and fangs of the monsters they slay; the clan champions and chieftains wear the skulls of these beasts on their heads, and their fur cloaks are pinned with brooches of raw gold. They are armed with yew longbows, slings, and simple bronze axes and stone mauls, and mostly fight as ranged troops. Instead of firing stones, they pelt their enemies with lead bullets.
Elite Light Marksmen (30,000)
Since the dictatorship and the rise of the Dominion, additional military units have been added to the war-machine of Ordov. The most important of these is the aznvuygun (AZ - in - vai - GOON). Aznvuygun are professional heavy infantry, sworn to the city of Damarskan and Grand Marshall Urrag vel'Meskemos. They wear a heavy leather hauberk sewn with iron scales, with iron greaves and gauntlets of leather with iron scales. On their heads are iron helms with a single spike coming out the top, and a leering, demonic mask in the front. Each is armed with a round iron shield, a six foot spear, three four foot throwing spears, a scimitar, and their choice of a spiked mace or a one-handed axe. The aznvuygun march in lockstep formation, charging with spears lowered to crash in to enemy formations; they chant the death-songs of ancient demons and fallen heros as spears snap and shields break, drawing sword, axe, and mace to rip the enemy asunder.
Professional Heavy Infantry (58,000)
Ordov did not support a large cavalry corps, and most of it was formed of rich ranchers and the private retinues of merchant princes and caravan masters. Their horses are not barded, and they fight with a mix of light lances, javelins, compound bows, and scimitars; the heaviest armor they could boast would be a leather shirt sewn with bronze scales.
Light Cavalry Skirmishers (27,000)
However, with the rise of the Dominion and the rapid swelling of its military, the generals realized they would need stronger cavalry to combat their counterparts in other armies. The aspet of Ordov wear scattered iron plate over bronze scale and leather armor, and are armed with lances, heavy sabers, spiked long-axes, and warhammers. Their helms bear the fantastic masks of the aznvuygun and are decorated with horse-hair crests, feathered plumes, precious gems, and golden horns. The aspet ride large warhorses (Or destriers) wearing heavy leather and bronze scale barding. The aspet are Temple Warriors, answering only to the Tausar'Luysi.
Elite Heavy Cavalry (5,000)
Navy
The most common warships of Ordov are river galleys; small, sleek ships with brightly painted green hulls, their gold-painted oars flashing on the water making them look almost like ferocious dragonflies. A light ballista is afixed stern and aft, and two more on port and on starboard. These galleys typically require a crew of some twenty sailors, and have enough room for another twenty passengers or about five tons of tightly packed cargo.
River Galleys (150)
When the river galleys are not enough to hold off the pirates of stream and coast, or if a nation sends in an actual naval invasion, the battle barges are summoned. These massive flat-bottomed ships do not stray far from the coast, and would founder in waves of any real size. Their second and third decks each bristle with four ballistae, port and starboard, and all three decks have two ballistae stern and one aft. On the top deck are two heavy catapults, mounted on turntables so as to (Slowly and ponderously) fire in any direction. These battle barges require a huge crew of sailors, siege engineers, and slaves, some two hundred and fifty altogether. There is no room for actual soldiers or extra cargo, as the holds are filled with food, ammunition, and rower's benches.
Battle Barges (5)
Religion
On the borders of Ordov and in the dark hills and valleys beyond its rule, the clans still secretly hold to the Old Way, honoring the fey spirits of earth, stone, spring and leaf. They make sacrifices to the Horned Lord and the Lady of the Water and Wind and throw great festivals to celebrate their power. In the Dominion proper, however, the Tausar'Luysi holds sway. Officially, the people of Ordov worship the Light, or Enlightenment. The Path of Enlightenment teaches that the Otherworld, the World Beyond, is made up of the accumulated souls of all those that have fallen, and that this is where magic and more life-force comes from. If you lead a good, pure life (Physically and spiritually) your soul will make the Otherworld a better place...and vice versa. Priestesses of the Light (Only virgin women can be members of the clergy) function as healers and teachers; education is very important in the religion, as well as physically cleanliness.
Magic
When the Thirteen Families ruled Ordov, each ghekhav was attended by a druid or shaman. These men and women communicated with the fey spirits of the Otherworld, or so they claimed; most served as simple spiritual and practical advisors to the ghekhav, and were skilled at predicting the weather and migrations of animals, among other bits of natural lore. Many were in fact magicians, some of great skill. However, these peaceful herbalists and advisers were slaughtered during the Purge, or forced to repent their heretical ways and follow the Path. Perhaps one in ten chose this route, and three quarters of the rest were killed; the rest fled to other countries or with the Ordovin clans who still resisted Dominion rule, up in the mountains or in the eastern part of the Vale.
As such, Ordov only has one third the normal number of spellcasters that a country of its size might have, but three quarters of them are kept under close tabs by the church. These magicians are high-ranking priestesses of the Tausar'Luysi, or male wizards kept under lock and key. Feared but respected, both varieties keep to themselves in the Temple of Light, researching hidden mysteries, osentisbly for the good of the Dominion. Magic is otherwise outlawed in the Dominion; spellcasters are not allowed in to the country save when escorted by Tausar'Luysi magicians, with no exceptions.
Bestiary
Nhangek: The most terrifying creatures around Ordov, the nhangek primarily inhabit the mountains to the north of the Hyryyn. A solitary hunter, the nhangek is incredibly intelligent, able to mimic the sounds of local prey (Including the screams of wounded or frightened humans), and its pebbled hide oozes a slime that causes numbing and eventual paralysis. The nhangek can grow upwards of twelve feet long and weigh in excess of four thousand pounds. Only the bravest of the mountain clansmen hunt these ferocious creatures.
More To Come...
Glossary
Bardzr'Ghekhav: A high chieftain, ruling over several vassal tribes in addition to his own powerful tribe. The equivalent of a duke. Manages a large domain and resides in a great castle in a strategic and economically important location. The suffix is vel'.
Gevor: Ruler of one of the ancient Ordovin realms, each commanding many bardzr'ghekhav, the Gevor were all slain during the Purge, leaving only the Tia'Gevor. Formerly the equivalent of a king. The suffix is del', but only the High King is allowed to use it any more.
Ghekhav: Chieftain of one of the original tribes of Ordov, many new ghekhav were created during the Purge. Roughly equivalent to a lord, some ghekhav reside in strongholds, but most prefer to dwell in manorial estates and allow the government to manage their military assets, including fortifications. The suffix is ne'.
Purge: When Urrag vel'Meskemos and his loyalists slaughtered the Thirteen Families and, with the help of the Tausar'Luysi, destroyed the wayward clans and most of the religious heritage of Ordov.
Tausar'Luysi: The Path of Enlightenment, which refers to the Ordovin state religion and to their church. Their headquarters is the Temple of Light in Damarskan, across the way from the House of Lords.
Government: De Jure Constitutional Feudal Monarchy, De Facto Theocratic Dictatorship
Ruler: Karnak del'Vemeron is the Tia'Gevor, or high king, of the Dominion. However, the sixteen year-old boy is known to be a puppet of Urrag vel'Meskemos, Grand Marshall of the Dominion Legion. He is assisted by the Council, which consists of the nine Marshalls (All appointed by the Grand Marshall or the Tausar'Luysi), the Grand Admiral and the Keeper of the Keys (the royal treasurer and accounts keeper).
Location: Northern Region 5. The western half of the large river valley, largely encompassing the major river delta, and some of the foothills to the north and south of it. Ordovin call this the Vale of Ordov, or the Ord'Hyryyn.
Capital City: Damarskan
Language: Ordovin
Species: Human
Population: 4,020,320
The Council
Tia'Gevor Karnak del'Vemeron
Grand Marshall Urrag vel'Meskemos
Grand Admiral Martiros vel'Kasparov
Keeper of the Keys Malek ne'Torem
Marshall Andros vel'Orbansk
Marshall Kas vo'Eadwyn
Marshall Reichyn ne'Skamos
Marshall Revek ne'Hulik
Marshall Jaesyn ne'Parajos
Marshall Tadeos ne'Sasuni
Marshall Ishkhan ne'Bedros
Marshall Karo ne'Krikorian
Marshall Haykaser ne'Urfalos
Each Marshall receives a single vote, save Andros and Kas, who each get two. The Keeper of the Keys and the Grand Admiral get three, and the Grand Marshall has five. The Tia'Gevor gets seven, but almost always votes in the Grand Marshall's favor.
History
The tribes of Ordov rose to power some three thousand years ago in the verdant river deltas and valleys of the northern Eastern Hill Region. Organized in to clans with familial and religious ties, these tribes laid claim to large swaths of territory for hunting, grazing, and foraging purposes, fiercely raiding over-ambitious neighbors. On the coasts of the Great Lake and the Western Ocean the tribes became more sedentary, the ghekhavs of these tribes building crude stone and wood fortifications. As the tribesfolk became more numerous and spread out, the Ordovin were somewhat forced in to a more agrarian life-style. Barges and river galleys plied the rivers and lakes, and they served as adept middle-men with neighboring nations. They made war on each other when times were lean and their neighbors were weak, or traded when the harvest had been plentiful and warfare was less certain. Eventually, the greatest of the ghekhav named themselves the bardzr'ghekhav and raised great strongholds at the most important fords and valleys so as to control trade and travel in Ordov.
The Gevor of Ordov formed a council at the city of Damarskan to resolve issues between clans and to discuss the betterment of Ordovin society in general. This led to creation of the House of Lords, where the thirteen Great Families set down the ancient laws of Ordov. With this unit, Ordov finally saw proper infrastructure; broad highways connected its fledgling cities and towns where rivers could not reach, castles and towers protected its borders, and schools, hospitals, and foundries sprung up in Ordovin settlements. Across the way from the House of Lords was the Temple of Light, where the priestesses of the Tausar'Luysi administered the ancient truths and dispensed healing, wisdom, and justice to all those who accepted their ways, though at the time it had not become the state religion.
Eventually, a shadow rose in the south, a power to rival that of a united Ordov. The armies of the Vydari -- merciless and blood-thirsty goblinkin, demon-worshippers and depraved warriors all -- marched against the Gevor. The clans of Ordov assembled a ragged and unruly host of tribal levies and household fighters, many of them suspicious of each other or harboring ancient grudges. Before they even arrived on the frontlines to fight the Vydari, the armies were falling apart, each general assuming he had the right way of leading, and even sometimes fighting eachother. They faced many bloody defeats before even managing to slightly slow down the goblin advance. Morale was low, and many even wanted to bow down and become slaves of the Vydari just so that they might live.
The most successful of these generals, Bardzr'Ghekhav Urrag vel'Meskemos, turned his battered armies around and marched home. Others demanded his intentions, even as the Vydari fell on his beleaguered comrades and put them to the sword. His forces arrived at Damarskan, and he ordered the Council to allow him inside so that he might defend his city from the Vydari; their hordes harrassed his fellow generals and their armies, or was left of them, and were days away from the capital. Fretful but suspicious, the Gevor families allowed his army in. Urrag and his retinue of veteran warriors strode in to the House of Lords. The Families berated him, bemoaning their fate and blaming the loss of Ordov on his cowardice. The Bardzr'Ghekhav calmly drew his sword, and his warriors began to butcher the Thirtreen Families.
Most of their guards away fighting on the frontlines, or quieting the slowly growing rebellion in the city streets, few of the Gevor or their kin were able to survive the Purge. The steps of the House of Lords ran red with blood, and butched, naked bodies were flung from the windows. All but one of the families were massacred, root and stem, and of this family, only the children were spared. Urrag placed a gory crown of steel on the oldest boy's head and proclaimed him the Tia'Gevor, the high king, of Ordov. The priestesses of the Tausar'Luysi backed his claim and pronounced that the Light shone through the child, and would banish the coming darkness. Desperate and afraid, the people of Damarskan rallied behind Urrag. With their support, and that of the secret, private army of the church, was able to break the Vydari horde on the walls of Damarskan. Emboldened, the surviving armies of the other generals crept out of hiding and hounded the fleeing monsters in to the wilds, slaughtering the majority of them.
Over the next few years, the Tausar'Luysi's warriors and the army of Urrag vel'Meskemos rode around the countryside, destroying the clans who would not bow down to the new order, and slaughtering those shamans and druids who would not personally come to the Temple of Light and bow down, forsaking their "demon spirits" and accepting the Light. Most of the Bardzr'Ghekhav capitulated peacefully rather than see Ordov riven by more war, and those that fought could not last for long when their own warriors were turning against them left and right. In six years, the Dominion of Ordov rose from the ashes as one nation, like a thousand daggers tempered in to one shining sword. Today, scholars and conspiracists whisper that Urrag funded and incited the Vydari invasion so as to create a situation in which the people of Ordov would quickly rally behind him, but such rabble-rousers dissapear quickly or swiftly change their minds.
Description
Ordov is a sprawling empire, once a collection of petty tribal kingdoms and city-states ravaged by war, monstrous invasion, and a horrifying purge by a brutal dictator. Its people are fierce warriors and canny traders, exploring freely along the highways of earth and water. While tied to the land by tradition, Ordovin cities grow every day and ring with the sounds of hammer and saw as a medieval industrial revolution feverishly grips the country. The Dominion has prospered by ambitious economic and military expansion, picking on weaker neighbors and cozying up with ones of equal or greater strength, hiring out its young sons and daughters to serve as mercenaries to help weaken other powers.
The average Ordovin is a farmer or fisherman. He (Or she) lives in a large manorial estate, usually a rambling, brightly painted collection of buildings on a river or lakefront, often built partially over the water on stilts. They live with an extended family of about dozen people, who tend the fields or cast nets and lines out on the water from small green and purple-painted boats. Fertile volcanic soil allows cultivation of wheat and barley as well as pasturage for sheep, goat, and horses. With the help of irrigation, figs, pomegranates, apricots and olives are also grown on the west coast, with peaches and walnuts being more common in the central valley or in the eastern valleys. Each member of the family above the age of fourteen is required to train fourteen hours a week for the war-levy, with axe, bow, and spear -- all of these weapons can be found in the average Ordovin home.
Ordovin people stand tall, with skin the color of honey and dark brown or burnt orange hair. Their eyes are usually green or blue, with the folk dwelling in the east tending towards grey-blue. Most Ordovin are leanly muscular and well-built; archery, spear-throwing, and foot- and water-races are popular past-times, among every social class of the Dominion. Only ranchers and the nobility ride with any regularity, and most travel is done along the great rivers and streams running through the Vale of Ordov. The most popular garment is a simple, loose vest cinched at the waist with a braided belt and pair of baggy trousers, either tucked into knee-high leather boots or rolled up to the knee and worn with sandals. During holidays and festivals, this outfit is augmented by a scarf, shawl, mantle, or cloak, often in clashing colors with stripes and other simple geometrical shapes. Orange, purple, blue, and green are popular colors.
When not tending the fields and rivers or training for war, Ordovin life is very idyllic. Pleasure barges ply the heavily populated river, their rigging glowing with strings of colored lamps, and their decks echo with the music of dulcimer, hand drum, lute, and occasionally the violin or flute. These pleasure barges function as a mix of tavern, theater, and brothel, and even sell minor trinkets and important odds and ends, such as salt and needles and bits of lace and velvet. Popular drinks include cognac, whiskey, bitter stout, and mead flavored with peaches and pomegranates, though the tenets of the Path of Enlightenment mean that drinking to excess is rare. Most prostitutes are women approved of by the Tausar'Luysi, and bear a special token proclaiming their cleanliness; those that do not bear this token may find getting clients difficult. Drugs like opium are strictly forbidden, by the laws of Ordov and the tenets of the Path. Anything that permanently damages the mind or body is seen of as evil, a way for demons to enter and corrupt the weakened spirit.
Despite its dictatorial government, Ordovin society is largely meritocratic. Advancement occurs by serving in the military, gaining wealth for the Dominion, or by joining the Priesthood. Conscripts and volunteers both serve for a minimum of four years; if the nation is at peace, they are offered a modest hide of land and a purse of silver at the end of their service, or extended four year terms (With exponential rewards). Merchants become the captains of ships or the masters of caravans by serving loyally and investing heavily in the enterprise in question, journeying to foreign lands and making new connections. Eventually they become princes and retire, managing vast plantations or mines and funding new masters and captains, continuing the process -- which can only grow larger.
Ordov mines primarily produce gold, lead, and copper, so it must be sparing or trade with other countries for iron and coal. They mint tiny copper trade bars with gold dusting as their primary currency and rate of exchange, and due to the amount they produce, Ordovin barter-bits can be found all along the western coast, and might even form the basis of a standard rate of exchange with many nations of the inner strait. This is partly because Ordovin merchants are so widespread, and because Ordovin foundries produce so many of these bits and give them out freely as gifts to foreign banks and nobles.
Law and order in the Dominion is brutally harsh, but more or less fair. Murder, rape, arson, and other extreme crimes are always punished by public humiliation and execution, often with poetic justice in mind (Arsonists are burned alive at the stake, for example). Theft or larceny of any sort (Including fraud) has a three strikes penalty. On the first account, six of the criminal's fingers (Their choice) are broken. On the second account, those fingers are removed. On the third account, they are branded and sent to the mines for hard labor for the rest of their lives. The young Tia'Gevor publicly dispenses justice once a week in the House of Lords, though it is mostly the dictator and the other Marshalls who make the actual decisions. Otherwise, local ghekhav and Tausar'Luysi settle disputes and resolve social issues.
Army: Roughly 10% of nation's population (400,000)
Most of Ordov's army is formed of the Norrakoch. These are tribal and clan warriors who go to Damarskan to receive uniform equipment and training; this process stamps out their heritage and individualism and makes them weapons of the state. Norrakoch wear leather shirts sewn with bronze scales, and hardened leather greaves, bracers, and gauntlets. Their shields are of interesting design; composed of half a dozen long, slender branches with bundles of reeds tightly woven around them, the entire collection having a strip of hardened hide stretched over it. This makes it highly resistant to attacks from flung stones, spears, and arrows, and from light one-handed weapons, but very weak to the attacks of two-handed swords and axes. Norrakoch wield one- or two-handed axes, typically with crescent moon blades with a spike on the back, or eight-foot spears with an additional foot of leaf-shaped blade, or a recurved horn-and-wood composite bow. They fight in crescent formation, slowly rushing forward while firing arrows or throwing hatchets and javelins before closing in to melee, hacking away at the enemy and screaming tribal chants before retreating, firing as they go, and repeat the process.
Veteran Norrakoch are allowed to equip themselves with the weapons and armor of the fallen, as long as they can continue to clearly identify themselves as Ordovin troops. Norrakoch that have survived many battles are kept in the reserve as a second or third wave to throw at already exhausted troops that have managed to fend off the original onset of bloodthirsty tribal legionaires.
Irregular Light Infantry Skirmishers (210,000)
Veteran Medium Infantry Skirmishers (70,000)
The shepherds and household warriors of the foothill clans -- only loosely sworn to the Tia'Gevor -- are called down to fight for the Dominion in times of extreme hardship. In times of peace they bludgeon each other with staffs and slings and outdrink and outbreed each other in huge festivals, gorging themselves on beer, fermented goatsmilk, mutton, and barley porridge. When summoned for war, they don layers of hide and crudely tanned leather armor, reinforced with the bones, claws, and fangs of the monsters they slay; the clan champions and chieftains wear the skulls of these beasts on their heads, and their fur cloaks are pinned with brooches of raw gold. They are armed with yew longbows, slings, and simple bronze axes and stone mauls, and mostly fight as ranged troops. Instead of firing stones, they pelt their enemies with lead bullets.
Elite Light Marksmen (30,000)
Since the dictatorship and the rise of the Dominion, additional military units have been added to the war-machine of Ordov. The most important of these is the aznvuygun (AZ - in - vai - GOON). Aznvuygun are professional heavy infantry, sworn to the city of Damarskan and Grand Marshall Urrag vel'Meskemos. They wear a heavy leather hauberk sewn with iron scales, with iron greaves and gauntlets of leather with iron scales. On their heads are iron helms with a single spike coming out the top, and a leering, demonic mask in the front. Each is armed with a round iron shield, a six foot spear, three four foot throwing spears, a scimitar, and their choice of a spiked mace or a one-handed axe. The aznvuygun march in lockstep formation, charging with spears lowered to crash in to enemy formations; they chant the death-songs of ancient demons and fallen heros as spears snap and shields break, drawing sword, axe, and mace to rip the enemy asunder.
Professional Heavy Infantry (58,000)
Ordov did not support a large cavalry corps, and most of it was formed of rich ranchers and the private retinues of merchant princes and caravan masters. Their horses are not barded, and they fight with a mix of light lances, javelins, compound bows, and scimitars; the heaviest armor they could boast would be a leather shirt sewn with bronze scales.
Light Cavalry Skirmishers (27,000)
However, with the rise of the Dominion and the rapid swelling of its military, the generals realized they would need stronger cavalry to combat their counterparts in other armies. The aspet of Ordov wear scattered iron plate over bronze scale and leather armor, and are armed with lances, heavy sabers, spiked long-axes, and warhammers. Their helms bear the fantastic masks of the aznvuygun and are decorated with horse-hair crests, feathered plumes, precious gems, and golden horns. The aspet ride large warhorses (Or destriers) wearing heavy leather and bronze scale barding. The aspet are Temple Warriors, answering only to the Tausar'Luysi.
Elite Heavy Cavalry (5,000)
Navy
The most common warships of Ordov are river galleys; small, sleek ships with brightly painted green hulls, their gold-painted oars flashing on the water making them look almost like ferocious dragonflies. A light ballista is afixed stern and aft, and two more on port and on starboard. These galleys typically require a crew of some twenty sailors, and have enough room for another twenty passengers or about five tons of tightly packed cargo.
River Galleys (150)
When the river galleys are not enough to hold off the pirates of stream and coast, or if a nation sends in an actual naval invasion, the battle barges are summoned. These massive flat-bottomed ships do not stray far from the coast, and would founder in waves of any real size. Their second and third decks each bristle with four ballistae, port and starboard, and all three decks have two ballistae stern and one aft. On the top deck are two heavy catapults, mounted on turntables so as to (Slowly and ponderously) fire in any direction. These battle barges require a huge crew of sailors, siege engineers, and slaves, some two hundred and fifty altogether. There is no room for actual soldiers or extra cargo, as the holds are filled with food, ammunition, and rower's benches.
Battle Barges (5)
Religion
On the borders of Ordov and in the dark hills and valleys beyond its rule, the clans still secretly hold to the Old Way, honoring the fey spirits of earth, stone, spring and leaf. They make sacrifices to the Horned Lord and the Lady of the Water and Wind and throw great festivals to celebrate their power. In the Dominion proper, however, the Tausar'Luysi holds sway. Officially, the people of Ordov worship the Light, or Enlightenment. The Path of Enlightenment teaches that the Otherworld, the World Beyond, is made up of the accumulated souls of all those that have fallen, and that this is where magic and more life-force comes from. If you lead a good, pure life (Physically and spiritually) your soul will make the Otherworld a better place...and vice versa. Priestesses of the Light (Only virgin women can be members of the clergy) function as healers and teachers; education is very important in the religion, as well as physically cleanliness.
Magic
When the Thirteen Families ruled Ordov, each ghekhav was attended by a druid or shaman. These men and women communicated with the fey spirits of the Otherworld, or so they claimed; most served as simple spiritual and practical advisors to the ghekhav, and were skilled at predicting the weather and migrations of animals, among other bits of natural lore. Many were in fact magicians, some of great skill. However, these peaceful herbalists and advisers were slaughtered during the Purge, or forced to repent their heretical ways and follow the Path. Perhaps one in ten chose this route, and three quarters of the rest were killed; the rest fled to other countries or with the Ordovin clans who still resisted Dominion rule, up in the mountains or in the eastern part of the Vale.
As such, Ordov only has one third the normal number of spellcasters that a country of its size might have, but three quarters of them are kept under close tabs by the church. These magicians are high-ranking priestesses of the Tausar'Luysi, or male wizards kept under lock and key. Feared but respected, both varieties keep to themselves in the Temple of Light, researching hidden mysteries, osentisbly for the good of the Dominion. Magic is otherwise outlawed in the Dominion; spellcasters are not allowed in to the country save when escorted by Tausar'Luysi magicians, with no exceptions.
Bestiary
Nhangek: The most terrifying creatures around Ordov, the nhangek primarily inhabit the mountains to the north of the Hyryyn. A solitary hunter, the nhangek is incredibly intelligent, able to mimic the sounds of local prey (Including the screams of wounded or frightened humans), and its pebbled hide oozes a slime that causes numbing and eventual paralysis. The nhangek can grow upwards of twelve feet long and weigh in excess of four thousand pounds. Only the bravest of the mountain clansmen hunt these ferocious creatures.
More To Come...
Glossary
Bardzr'Ghekhav: A high chieftain, ruling over several vassal tribes in addition to his own powerful tribe. The equivalent of a duke. Manages a large domain and resides in a great castle in a strategic and economically important location. The suffix is vel'.
Gevor: Ruler of one of the ancient Ordovin realms, each commanding many bardzr'ghekhav, the Gevor were all slain during the Purge, leaving only the Tia'Gevor. Formerly the equivalent of a king. The suffix is del', but only the High King is allowed to use it any more.
Ghekhav: Chieftain of one of the original tribes of Ordov, many new ghekhav were created during the Purge. Roughly equivalent to a lord, some ghekhav reside in strongholds, but most prefer to dwell in manorial estates and allow the government to manage their military assets, including fortifications. The suffix is ne'.
Purge: When Urrag vel'Meskemos and his loyalists slaughtered the Thirteen Families and, with the help of the Tausar'Luysi, destroyed the wayward clans and most of the religious heritage of Ordov.
Tausar'Luysi: The Path of Enlightenment, which refers to the Ordovin state religion and to their church. Their headquarters is the Temple of Light in Damarskan, across the way from the House of Lords.
GM
Dinh AaronMk my beloved (french coded)
Member
Seen
8 mos ago
I must say, an impressive app. Although I have issues on a few areas before I can say "You're in". Two of which I had to talk to some RP'ing friends of mine to get what they thing.
For a start, the most immediate thing to note is your territory is sort of large. A lot of us got fairly small holdings and it's not necessarily fair to up and claim the largest habitable stretch of land. I'd be willing to cut it by half if you tell me which half you want.
The other bit that's in question is currency. Being the era this is based on it's a pretty wise thing to say that currency exchanges are not standardized; so that already cuts into the ability for them to be the defacto base of all monetary strength. I'm sure common folk could use them in small exchanges, but for larger more official purchases and trades I doubt they'd be accepted anywhere outside the local region of where you're at. It's a rather gross over-estimation of your own influence.
Another point that I and my friends agreed to that we can't really have are your beast riders. As one put it: "You already have the biggest army, you don't need fucking Warg riders." So I'd cut them out of the regular units.
For a start, the most immediate thing to note is your territory is sort of large. A lot of us got fairly small holdings and it's not necessarily fair to up and claim the largest habitable stretch of land. I'd be willing to cut it by half if you tell me which half you want.
The other bit that's in question is currency. Being the era this is based on it's a pretty wise thing to say that currency exchanges are not standardized; so that already cuts into the ability for them to be the defacto base of all monetary strength. I'm sure common folk could use them in small exchanges, but for larger more official purchases and trades I doubt they'd be accepted anywhere outside the local region of where you're at. It's a rather gross over-estimation of your own influence.
Another point that I and my friends agreed to that we can't really have are your beast riders. As one put it: "You already have the biggest army, you don't need fucking Warg riders." So I'd cut them out of the regular units.
Schylerwalker
Member
Seen
2 yrs ago
Mmm'kay, seems perfectly reasonable. Edited.
taistelusopuli It is me
Member
Seen
2 yrs ago
So before submitting my application... A question. A 100% nomadic nation, total vagabonds, a bit like the Israelites in the Bible were for a long time or as gypsies used to be. I mentioned about this in the interest check. Just making sure if this kind of a nation is acceptable?
Vilageidiotx Jacobin of All Trades
Member
Seen
1 yr ago
Country Name: Colloquially "Graeg", after the Graegii culture that rules the majority of it. The King is officially declared "King of Rock and Sea" rather than ruler of any specific nation.
Government type: Semi-feudal, clan-based society. Monarchy has very little in terms of power.
Ruler: King Bergen of the Stoenclif dynasty.
Location:
(Slightly large because the area is sparsely populated, and the government is loose. The area to the north marked off in dashes is a de-jure vassal of the King, but is inhabited by a different race who's unique oaths leave them virtually autonomous.
Capital City: Not applicable. The court reigns alongside the King, and the King has more than one holding.
Language : Graegian
Species: Human
Army: No real standing army. Capable of (poorly) outfitting all able bodied men for short term campaigns if absolutely necessary. Land owners expected to be able to outfit their own levies. The family of major land owners are at the core of the regions marshal ability, but their number is 5,000 in the best of times. Most citizens are expected to be able to defend themselves if necessary, and militias of women and children have not been unheard of in times of desperation.
History: The black goat came down from the Mountain of the Wind and mated with river wolf, thus was born Graeg Godskin. The legendary hero has an endless number of stories attributed to him. Even his name is an uncertainty - many say that he was simply related to the Gods, while others say that he slew the greatest of the mountain gods and wore his skin for a cloak. Whatever he did in life, the Graegii say that he mated with wild women and giants, rivers and goddesses, giving birth to the many clans that would form the Graegii people. They take pride in this heritage, and every clan argues over who their first-father birthed first.
The Graegii are a mix of folk in truth. Most are short in stature and dark of hair, possessing dull colored eyes and strong bodies. Similar to them are the more thinner coastal folk, who have mixed with foreigners enough to have gained a larger variety of traits. The third people are the Skrael, a tall and wild people who armor themselves in thick furs, have eyes of blue, green, silver, and gold, and hair of blonde, red, and pure platinum. The Skrael do not consider themselves Graegii, but many of them have mixed with their neighbors enough to have introduced their traits. The purest Skrael live in the land to the north, and give special oaths to the King of Rock and Sea.
The Clans predate the Kingdom. The Suerfoots of the deep mountains and the Wetbreeches of the seaside bogs, the Worgs of the North and Saltruks of the South, are just a few of the families that ruled their lands before the Kingdom was formed. According to their lore, Graeg ruled as "The King of Rock and Sea" until his death. This is where the title comes from, but there is little evidence that such a kingdom existed. Some more cynical folk have pointed out that only his children and grandchildren would have existed to be his subjects, making his kingdom little more than a young clan. Still, when the Rockrills married into so many other clans that they had direct relations with half of the other families, Daril Rockrill made use of it. He pushed the territorial claims of his friends and family, ripping at old feuds and bringing to light ancient borders based on vague descriptions of the land. His enemies unified to fight him, but their defeat at the Battle of Bald Mountain caused Daril to shift from being meerly a major force, and made him a power that could not be questioned. His allies loved him for what he had given them, and they declared him King of Rock and Sea. When he died shortly after, it passed to his daughter Bena, who would become Bena the Trueblood when she took the loose alliance and brought it into true unity.
The Rockrills ruled for centuries, conquering the Skrael to the north and building the first castles. It was in one of these castles that the paranoid King Rascal had his entire family murdered during the new years feast, including their friends and spouses. The families of those caught up in the slaying besieged his castle, and he tossed himself from the battlements in grief. With his death, the Rockrill throne was passed on to a surviving decedent - the daughter of one of Rascal's bastards and wife of Bryn Tophills. The Tophills ruled for another century until a series of impotent monarchs brought the family to a halt. It was another bastard who took the empty throne, a distant relative named Brennar Stoenclif. The Stoencliffs have ruled ever since.
Graegii culture is on the cusp of what some in the south would call barbarism. Some of its inhabitants are still nomads, moving from valley to valley as need suits them. The tending of goats, hunting for wild game, and fishing the seas and rivers provide nearly as much food as agriculture, as the rocky soil and summer freezes make growing plants limited to the heartier crops.
Unlike many foreign lands, the Graegii do not favor sons in succession. An elder daughter will inherit over a younger son, just as an elder son would a younger daughter. They do not view women as natural warriors, though female warriors are by no means unheard of. Female rulers are seen as bringers of prosperity, whereas male rulers are seen as bringers of glory. Like the Bare-rock mountain and the biting salt sea, both are seen as necessary and good.
Heavily armed warriors are rare, as the Graegii prefer to go lightly armored. This makes sense in the context of warfare in their lands, as agility and sight are very important when fighting in thin passes or on the sides of mountains. Horses are virtually never used in battle, and even the nobles fight afoot.
Under the Stoencliffs, the Graegii have began to open themselves up to the world beyond. What that means for the future is hard to say.
Pic:
(credit)
Religion : A loose form of pagan animism
Population: ~100,000
Government type: Semi-feudal, clan-based society. Monarchy has very little in terms of power.
Ruler: King Bergen of the Stoenclif dynasty.
Location:
(Slightly large because the area is sparsely populated, and the government is loose. The area to the north marked off in dashes is a de-jure vassal of the King, but is inhabited by a different race who's unique oaths leave them virtually autonomous.
Capital City: Not applicable. The court reigns alongside the King, and the King has more than one holding.
Language : Graegian
Species: Human
Army: No real standing army. Capable of (poorly) outfitting all able bodied men for short term campaigns if absolutely necessary. Land owners expected to be able to outfit their own levies. The family of major land owners are at the core of the regions marshal ability, but their number is 5,000 in the best of times. Most citizens are expected to be able to defend themselves if necessary, and militias of women and children have not been unheard of in times of desperation.
History: The black goat came down from the Mountain of the Wind and mated with river wolf, thus was born Graeg Godskin. The legendary hero has an endless number of stories attributed to him. Even his name is an uncertainty - many say that he was simply related to the Gods, while others say that he slew the greatest of the mountain gods and wore his skin for a cloak. Whatever he did in life, the Graegii say that he mated with wild women and giants, rivers and goddesses, giving birth to the many clans that would form the Graegii people. They take pride in this heritage, and every clan argues over who their first-father birthed first.
The Graegii are a mix of folk in truth. Most are short in stature and dark of hair, possessing dull colored eyes and strong bodies. Similar to them are the more thinner coastal folk, who have mixed with foreigners enough to have gained a larger variety of traits. The third people are the Skrael, a tall and wild people who armor themselves in thick furs, have eyes of blue, green, silver, and gold, and hair of blonde, red, and pure platinum. The Skrael do not consider themselves Graegii, but many of them have mixed with their neighbors enough to have introduced their traits. The purest Skrael live in the land to the north, and give special oaths to the King of Rock and Sea.
The Clans predate the Kingdom. The Suerfoots of the deep mountains and the Wetbreeches of the seaside bogs, the Worgs of the North and Saltruks of the South, are just a few of the families that ruled their lands before the Kingdom was formed. According to their lore, Graeg ruled as "The King of Rock and Sea" until his death. This is where the title comes from, but there is little evidence that such a kingdom existed. Some more cynical folk have pointed out that only his children and grandchildren would have existed to be his subjects, making his kingdom little more than a young clan. Still, when the Rockrills married into so many other clans that they had direct relations with half of the other families, Daril Rockrill made use of it. He pushed the territorial claims of his friends and family, ripping at old feuds and bringing to light ancient borders based on vague descriptions of the land. His enemies unified to fight him, but their defeat at the Battle of Bald Mountain caused Daril to shift from being meerly a major force, and made him a power that could not be questioned. His allies loved him for what he had given them, and they declared him King of Rock and Sea. When he died shortly after, it passed to his daughter Bena, who would become Bena the Trueblood when she took the loose alliance and brought it into true unity.
The Rockrills ruled for centuries, conquering the Skrael to the north and building the first castles. It was in one of these castles that the paranoid King Rascal had his entire family murdered during the new years feast, including their friends and spouses. The families of those caught up in the slaying besieged his castle, and he tossed himself from the battlements in grief. With his death, the Rockrill throne was passed on to a surviving decedent - the daughter of one of Rascal's bastards and wife of Bryn Tophills. The Tophills ruled for another century until a series of impotent monarchs brought the family to a halt. It was another bastard who took the empty throne, a distant relative named Brennar Stoenclif. The Stoencliffs have ruled ever since.
Graegii culture is on the cusp of what some in the south would call barbarism. Some of its inhabitants are still nomads, moving from valley to valley as need suits them. The tending of goats, hunting for wild game, and fishing the seas and rivers provide nearly as much food as agriculture, as the rocky soil and summer freezes make growing plants limited to the heartier crops.
Unlike many foreign lands, the Graegii do not favor sons in succession. An elder daughter will inherit over a younger son, just as an elder son would a younger daughter. They do not view women as natural warriors, though female warriors are by no means unheard of. Female rulers are seen as bringers of prosperity, whereas male rulers are seen as bringers of glory. Like the Bare-rock mountain and the biting salt sea, both are seen as necessary and good.
Heavily armed warriors are rare, as the Graegii prefer to go lightly armored. This makes sense in the context of warfare in their lands, as agility and sight are very important when fighting in thin passes or on the sides of mountains. Horses are virtually never used in battle, and even the nobles fight afoot.
Under the Stoencliffs, the Graegii have began to open themselves up to the world beyond. What that means for the future is hard to say.
Pic:
(credit)
Religion : A loose form of pagan animism
Population: ~100,000
YandereNoodle
Member
Offline since relaunch
Dinh AaronMk said
I get the impression you're trying to play off Rynstead with the abandoned colony ;).
Tbh I had to go back till figure out what you meant... XD
Didn't mean this to happen...
I will finish the Res in a bit
WIP
Country Name: Nordur Landig (Or north lands in common)
Government type: The country is lead by the clan heads which serves as a sort of Republic with each clan electing a patri-arch as their clan master to represent them in the council. The council also elects different positions such as Forge Master (Acts as a sort of trade regulator in charge of the the taxation of any imports and exports and makes sure all goods produced within Nordur are of good quality) Grudge Keeper (In charge of documenting the history of Nordur Landig and keeping record of any nations offenses to Nordur Landig.) and finally the most important position Axe Bearer (Who is in charge of Nordur's armed forces and heads all council meetings)
Ruler: Currently the Axe Bearer is Thorgrim Stonehelm of the Stonehelm Clan
Location: In the mountain in the north part of region 6 north of Veden.
Capital City: StoneHolm ( Steinn-Holdd In dvergur)
Language : Dvergur
Species: Dwarves
Army:The dwarven army consists of 10% of the population numbering around 560,000 dwarves
Warriors:
Dwarf Warriors are drawn up from the citizenry of Dwarf society. Dwarves are mostly craftsmen and artisans and there are few professional Dwarf soldiers, but in times of war Dwarfs may be called up by their clan leaders who will organize them into regiments ready to fight. Dwarves are physically strong, resilient and broad of shoulder enabling Dwarf armies to force march at great pace across hard country, a feat of endurance seldom seen in other races. They will fight with a mixture of axes and hammers, often being passed down through a family line for generations, and gird themselves in heavy armour, often with a large round shield.
Grey Beards:
Grey Beards are old and wise Dwarfs and are very experienced warriors, such is evidenced by their longer beards. A Longbeard's long beard grants them total respect from other Dwarfs. Grey Beards are veterans of many wars and have endured far more hardships than most beardlings (young Dwarves) can even imagine and as such they grumble about how everything is less scary or well made as it was in their day. Nothing can stop a Grey Beard from a good grumble. Grey Beards on the field of battle are very powerful and do not suffer distress about minor shifts in the battle situation which might panic a younger dwarf.
Ironbreakers
Ironbreakers are the guardians of the lower deeps. They are experienced tunnel fighters and often fight against enemy Sappers and other creatures of the depths attempting to tunnel into a Dwarf hold. Without their efforts, the majority of dwarf holds would be victim to constant attack by other underground dwellers. Ironbreakers are professional soldiers in that they are perpetually under arms - due to their status as professional tunnel fighters they wear powerful gromril armor, which can protect a Dwarf from enemy blades and rock falls. Ironbreakers also find themselves fighting battles on the surface and they form a bulwark against enemy attacks, but for every battle they fight on the surface, they've faced dozens below the ground.
Dwarven Bear Dragoons:
Made to fight on both bear and ground these dwarves are some of Nordurs most skilled warriors. They are usually the commanding officers personal gaurd but also serve alongside regular infantry. The Bear Dragoons ride large armored mountain bears and wield Small but accurate crossbows from which they use to circle around the enemy and fire before begining the main charge. When their bears hit the line the dwarves usually dismount allowing their companion to fend off any enemys while he readys his great axe and joins in the fight. Revered for their skill and bravery the Bear Dragoons are chosen personally by the Axe Master himself.
Dwarven Quarrellers:
Armed with Heavy Crossbows the Quarrellers are chosen from the stronger recruits as it requires much energ to effectivly and speedily reload the crossbows. The Crossbows the quarrellers use is a advanced crank type with the power to perice through plate armor making them effective against heavy troops who get passed the Grey Beards and warriors. They are also very useful in ambush scenarios seeing as their reload rate and lack of melee training are their main drawbacks.
History: The History of the Dwarves of Nordur is a long one belived to stretch from the begining of time when the first intelligent life was created. The first dwarf and what the dwarves say to be the first intelligent animal was Fadir All Father who awoke from the stone thousands of years ago. Fadir was borne to a dangerous hostile world filled with beasts who wanted nothing but to kill him so Fadir hid in the caves for defense. Soon after resorting to the caves Fadir became lonely and disheartened fearing that he was the first and last of his kind. Wandering aimlessly for days overfilled with greif he stumbled into a large cavern in this cavern lived a great bear and his family. The bear soon after finding fadir pitied the dwarf and toke him into the den. It was there that the bear tried to show fadir how the bears lived and tried to make him more part of the family but this did not work for fadir knew he was not of their kind and soon resorted back into sadness. The great bear said to fadir " I know you are lonely and the only of your kind so I have decided to make more of your kin come back to me with nine statues of your kin and i will give them life. And so Fadir did for 9 months he labored and chiseled away at the stone making statues of his kin in amazing detail but each one totally unique. Once he was finished with the statues he carried them back to the great bear. The great bear said "Good Fadir good, As yolu know I am old and I am soon to die leaving my nine sons all alone without guidance so I have asked them and they wish to become your kind.". It was then the great bear called for his sons to line up each infront of the statues. It was then that the great bear lumbered back from his sons and fell into a never ending sleep as the bear drew his final breath a great shaking came over the cavern as the sons souls left their bear bodies and went into the stone. Soon after emerged 9 dwarves Fadir stood there in amazment as the stone animated and walked over to him."My kin!" Fadir cried over come with joy and happiness "Hmm, but what to call you all..." Fadir said pacing aroudn the room for a second "Ahh i've got it you shall all have to face several trials and from your abilities in the trials I shall give you your names". No one knows for sure what the exact trials where but they tested skills such as leadership handiwork combat prowess and negotiation and when they where over each of the nine sons had their names and under the order of their father began to build the cavern into a great hall where they and all their future kin shall live.This according the the grudge keeper was how Nordur and the dwarves first came abouts. But eventually as time passed the 9 siblings grew having sons and daughters of their own eacj growing steadily bigger but as they grew bigger they broke apart and became more seperate. It was with the Death of Fadir that the council was formed. Fearing that without some sort of guidance the clans would split apart and fall into petty squabblings he asked them all
Pic: (optional)
Religion : The dwarves follow a strict form of ancestor whorship believing that when they die they do not go to heaven or to hell but into the stone. Meaning aslong as a dwarf is touching the ground the souls of his ancestors help him and protect him both in battle and in everyday life. It is also believed that if you do not dishonor your family you will weaken the stone which causes such things as mine cave ins and other common underground hazards.
Population: (Optional)
Species Form (only if you aren't playing humans)
Name: Dwarves
Physical Features: Dwarfs are on average a good deal shorter than Men, making them ideally suited to the tunnels in which they live and work (the average dwarf being estimated to be at approximately 4'5"-5'0"). They are immensely strong and resilient, with bodies seemingly purpose-built for manual labour, with solidly formed muscles, broad-shoulders and large thick fingered hands that are capable of considerable manual dexterity. This physical toughness allows them to carry heavy loads and endure many hardships and work for long lengths of time without tiring.
Dwarfs are a very long-lived race with life-spans that can run into centuries, or rare occasions even into a millennium. As a dwarf becomes older so his beard becomes longer and thicker. Since dwarves have a deep inbuilt respect for age it would be unthinkable for a dwarf to cut off or even trim their beards. Like the Orcs, dwarfs appear to become stronger the older they get, but unlike the Orcs, there appears to be a breaking point where their general health rapidly declines, always happening just a few years before the dwarf dies of old age.
Female dwarfs are very rarely seen outside dwarf realms which has led many people to believe that dwarf males can give birth or that dwarf women have beards. However they are fairly similar to their male counterparts in that they are broad shouldered and heavily built, but instead of long beards they have long hair wound into similar braids, worn beneath the helmet which they treasure as greatly as males do their beards.
In terms of mental ability, Dwarfs are incredibly determined. They are supremely confident in the values and virtues of their civilisation, and openly scorn the achievements of other races. Their mental strength, in combination with their physical abilities, makes them steadfast fighters who will often fight to the last rather than admit defeat or run away.
Picture: (optional but very helpful)
WIP
Country Name: Nordur Landig (Or north lands in common)
Government type: The country is lead by the clan heads which serves as a sort of Republic with each clan electing a patri-arch as their clan master to represent them in the council. The council also elects different positions such as Forge Master (Acts as a sort of trade regulator in charge of the the taxation of any imports and exports and makes sure all goods produced within Nordur are of good quality) Grudge Keeper (In charge of documenting the history of Nordur Landig and keeping record of any nations offenses to Nordur Landig.) and finally the most important position Axe Bearer (Who is in charge of Nordur's armed forces and heads all council meetings)
Ruler: Currently the Axe Bearer is Thorgrim Stonehelm of the Stonehelm Clan
Location: In the mountain in the north part of region 6 north of Veden.
Capital City: StoneHolm ( Steinn-Holdd In dvergur)
Language : Dvergur
Species: Dwarves
Army:The dwarven army consists of 10% of the population numbering around 560,000 dwarves
Warriors:
Dwarf Warriors are drawn up from the citizenry of Dwarf society. Dwarves are mostly craftsmen and artisans and there are few professional Dwarf soldiers, but in times of war Dwarfs may be called up by their clan leaders who will organize them into regiments ready to fight. Dwarves are physically strong, resilient and broad of shoulder enabling Dwarf armies to force march at great pace across hard country, a feat of endurance seldom seen in other races. They will fight with a mixture of axes and hammers, often being passed down through a family line for generations, and gird themselves in heavy armour, often with a large round shield.
Grey Beards:
Grey Beards are old and wise Dwarfs and are very experienced warriors, such is evidenced by their longer beards. A Longbeard's long beard grants them total respect from other Dwarfs. Grey Beards are veterans of many wars and have endured far more hardships than most beardlings (young Dwarves) can even imagine and as such they grumble about how everything is less scary or well made as it was in their day. Nothing can stop a Grey Beard from a good grumble. Grey Beards on the field of battle are very powerful and do not suffer distress about minor shifts in the battle situation which might panic a younger dwarf.
Ironbreakers
Ironbreakers are the guardians of the lower deeps. They are experienced tunnel fighters and often fight against enemy Sappers and other creatures of the depths attempting to tunnel into a Dwarf hold. Without their efforts, the majority of dwarf holds would be victim to constant attack by other underground dwellers. Ironbreakers are professional soldiers in that they are perpetually under arms - due to their status as professional tunnel fighters they wear powerful gromril armor, which can protect a Dwarf from enemy blades and rock falls. Ironbreakers also find themselves fighting battles on the surface and they form a bulwark against enemy attacks, but for every battle they fight on the surface, they've faced dozens below the ground.
Dwarven Bear Dragoons:
Made to fight on both bear and ground these dwarves are some of Nordurs most skilled warriors. They are usually the commanding officers personal gaurd but also serve alongside regular infantry. The Bear Dragoons ride large armored mountain bears and wield Small but accurate crossbows from which they use to circle around the enemy and fire before begining the main charge. When their bears hit the line the dwarves usually dismount allowing their companion to fend off any enemys while he readys his great axe and joins in the fight. Revered for their skill and bravery the Bear Dragoons are chosen personally by the Axe Master himself.
Dwarven Quarrellers:
Armed with Heavy Crossbows the Quarrellers are chosen from the stronger recruits as it requires much energ to effectivly and speedily reload the crossbows. The Crossbows the quarrellers use is a advanced crank type with the power to perice through plate armor making them effective against heavy troops who get passed the Grey Beards and warriors. They are also very useful in ambush scenarios seeing as their reload rate and lack of melee training are their main drawbacks.
History: The History of the Dwarves of Nordur is a long one belived to stretch from the begining of time when the first intelligent life was created. The first dwarf and what the dwarves say to be the first intelligent animal was Fadir All Father who awoke from the stone thousands of years ago. Fadir was borne to a dangerous hostile world filled with beasts who wanted nothing but to kill him so Fadir hid in the caves for defense. Soon after resorting to the caves Fadir became lonely and disheartened fearing that he was the first and last of his kind. Wandering aimlessly for days overfilled with greif he stumbled into a large cavern in this cavern lived a great bear and his family. The bear soon after finding fadir pitied the dwarf and toke him into the den. It was there that the bear tried to show fadir how the bears lived and tried to make him more part of the family but this did not work for fadir knew he was not of their kind and soon resorted back into sadness. The great bear said to fadir " I know you are lonely and the only of your kind so I have decided to make more of your kin come back to me with nine statues of your kin and i will give them life. And so Fadir did for 9 months he labored and chiseled away at the stone making statues of his kin in amazing detail but each one totally unique. Once he was finished with the statues he carried them back to the great bear. The great bear said "Good Fadir good, As yolu know I am old and I am soon to die leaving my nine sons all alone without guidance so I have asked them and they wish to become your kind.". It was then the great bear called for his sons to line up each infront of the statues. It was then that the great bear lumbered back from his sons and fell into a never ending sleep as the bear drew his final breath a great shaking came over the cavern as the sons souls left their bear bodies and went into the stone. Soon after emerged 9 dwarves Fadir stood there in amazment as the stone animated and walked over to him."My kin!" Fadir cried over come with joy and happiness "Hmm, but what to call you all..." Fadir said pacing aroudn the room for a second "Ahh i've got it you shall all have to face several trials and from your abilities in the trials I shall give you your names". No one knows for sure what the exact trials where but they tested skills such as leadership handiwork combat prowess and negotiation and when they where over each of the nine sons had their names and under the order of their father began to build the cavern into a great hall where they and all their future kin shall live.This according the the grudge keeper was how Nordur and the dwarves first came abouts. But eventually as time passed the 9 siblings grew having sons and daughters of their own eacj growing steadily bigger but as they grew bigger they broke apart and became more seperate. It was with the Death of Fadir that the council was formed. Fearing that without some sort of guidance the clans would split apart and fall into petty squabblings he asked them all
Pic: (optional)
Religion : The dwarves follow a strict form of ancestor whorship believing that when they die they do not go to heaven or to hell but into the stone. Meaning aslong as a dwarf is touching the ground the souls of his ancestors help him and protect him both in battle and in everyday life. It is also believed that if you do not dishonor your family you will weaken the stone which causes such things as mine cave ins and other common underground hazards.
Population: (Optional)
Species Form (only if you aren't playing humans)
Name: Dwarves
Physical Features: Dwarfs are on average a good deal shorter than Men, making them ideally suited to the tunnels in which they live and work (the average dwarf being estimated to be at approximately 4'5"-5'0"). They are immensely strong and resilient, with bodies seemingly purpose-built for manual labour, with solidly formed muscles, broad-shoulders and large thick fingered hands that are capable of considerable manual dexterity. This physical toughness allows them to carry heavy loads and endure many hardships and work for long lengths of time without tiring.
Dwarfs are a very long-lived race with life-spans that can run into centuries, or rare occasions even into a millennium. As a dwarf becomes older so his beard becomes longer and thicker. Since dwarves have a deep inbuilt respect for age it would be unthinkable for a dwarf to cut off or even trim their beards. Like the Orcs, dwarfs appear to become stronger the older they get, but unlike the Orcs, there appears to be a breaking point where their general health rapidly declines, always happening just a few years before the dwarf dies of old age.
Female dwarfs are very rarely seen outside dwarf realms which has led many people to believe that dwarf males can give birth or that dwarf women have beards. However they are fairly similar to their male counterparts in that they are broad shouldered and heavily built, but instead of long beards they have long hair wound into similar braids, worn beneath the helmet which they treasure as greatly as males do their beards.
In terms of mental ability, Dwarfs are incredibly determined. They are supremely confident in the values and virtues of their civilisation, and openly scorn the achievements of other races. Their mental strength, in combination with their physical abilities, makes them steadfast fighters who will often fight to the last rather than admit defeat or run away.
Picture: (optional but very helpful)
Schylerwalker
Member
Seen
2 yrs ago
I edited a few things in my NS, did some spell-checking and the like, and added more fluff. So, a few things I've been curious about and would like answered, if possible. Then I can go back and add a little more.
1) The existence of monsters and beasts is already assumed; how much creative license are we given to inventing new creatures and populating our nations with them?
2) What civilizations and peoples will inhabit the wilderness between our nations? Who will control them? How easy will it be to expand our borders and colonize new lands? Unless we can do this relatively rapidly, or a ton of new people join, there will be thousands of miles of unclaimed wilderness between our nations, making interaction difficult.
3) Preexisting relations. We were each required to pick a national language...does that mean we don't know the languages of other nations? Will we be forced to slowly learn the languages of foreign powers? How many existing trade routes and alliances are we allowed to have?
4) Improvement and rebuilding armies. When we take casualties, how long will it take for those numbers to go back up? And how long will it take to improve technology, gain new troop types, and so on?
1) The existence of monsters and beasts is already assumed; how much creative license are we given to inventing new creatures and populating our nations with them?
2) What civilizations and peoples will inhabit the wilderness between our nations? Who will control them? How easy will it be to expand our borders and colonize new lands? Unless we can do this relatively rapidly, or a ton of new people join, there will be thousands of miles of unclaimed wilderness between our nations, making interaction difficult.
3) Preexisting relations. We were each required to pick a national language...does that mean we don't know the languages of other nations? Will we be forced to slowly learn the languages of foreign powers? How many existing trade routes and alliances are we allowed to have?
4) Improvement and rebuilding armies. When we take casualties, how long will it take for those numbers to go back up? And how long will it take to improve technology, gain new troop types, and so on?
Vilageidiotx Jacobin of All Trades
Member
Seen
1 yr ago
I was in the original and I am a good friend of the OP. I can probably answer some of these.
1: Yes. Just... try to be stylistically similar. No robots, no aliens in space ships. Something that fits the world we are in.
2: This is tricky. The best way to handle it is A: Be vague when mentioning specific nations, B: Try to only directly interact with players or NPC nations that neighbor you directly. C: Even if you travel, ignore as many details about the wilderness as you can get away with.
3: Presumably there are pre-existing relations. I would imagine there are translators for your neighbors wandering around, and there are translators for the more active trading powers.
4: Don't worry about numbers. I don't think having population and army number limits are conducive to anything. Same with the rest. We are RPing over a relatively short period of time, so you won't be moving up a civilization style tech tree. Tech improvements would be slow and subtle. Maybe the Dread-Engineer Broseph discovers a new crossbow and brings it to the court of the local ruler to show off. And, impressed, the ruler orders a few hundred built. That would be how technology would play out. Nobody wants to see some in-RP conversation that goes like this.
Steward: "Mi'lord, we have reached level 15 in the weapons tree! We can now use shootin' guns."
King: "Excellent, Steward! Next we should research on the social tree. I want us to discover prostitutes who don't have the pox."
Pretend you are writing a book or a tv show, not like you are playing a game.
1: Yes. Just... try to be stylistically similar. No robots, no aliens in space ships. Something that fits the world we are in.
2: This is tricky. The best way to handle it is A: Be vague when mentioning specific nations, B: Try to only directly interact with players or NPC nations that neighbor you directly. C: Even if you travel, ignore as many details about the wilderness as you can get away with.
3: Presumably there are pre-existing relations. I would imagine there are translators for your neighbors wandering around, and there are translators for the more active trading powers.
4: Don't worry about numbers. I don't think having population and army number limits are conducive to anything. Same with the rest. We are RPing over a relatively short period of time, so you won't be moving up a civilization style tech tree. Tech improvements would be slow and subtle. Maybe the Dread-Engineer Broseph discovers a new crossbow and brings it to the court of the local ruler to show off. And, impressed, the ruler orders a few hundred built. That would be how technology would play out. Nobody wants to see some in-RP conversation that goes like this.
Steward: "Mi'lord, we have reached level 15 in the weapons tree! We can now use shootin' guns."
King: "Excellent, Steward! Next we should research on the social tree. I want us to discover prostitutes who don't have the pox."
Pretend you are writing a book or a tv show, not like you are playing a game.
AlienBastard
Banned
Seen
9 yrs ago
As a fun little fact the Inca used rainbow flags.
Gay pride Incans?
Chapatrap said
Gay pride Incans?
Its a conspiracy 0_o 2012 wasnt when the world would end it was when gays take over the world my god we need to tell people!!
GM
Dinh AaronMk my beloved (french coded)
Member
Seen
8 mos ago
taistelusopuli said
So before submitting my application... A question. A 100% nomadic nation, total vagabonds, a bit like the Israelites in the Bible were for a long time or as gypsies used to be. I mentioned about this in the interest check. Just making sure if this kind of a nation is acceptable?
Seems reasonable enough for me.
Vilageidiotx said
Country Name: Colloquially "Graeg", after the Graegii culture that rules the majority of it.
Welcome aboard.
thorgili said
Country Name: Nordur Landig
When you finish this I'll let you in.
Schylerwalker said
I edited a few things in my NS, did some spell-checking and the like, and added more fluff. So, a few things I've been curious about and would like answered, if possible. Then I can go back and add a little more.
1) The existence of monsters and beasts is already assumed; how much creative license are we given to inventing new creatures and populating our nations with them?
2) What civilizations and peoples will inhabit the wilderness between our nations? Who will control them? How easy will it be to expand our borders and colonize new lands? Unless we can do this relatively rapidly, or a ton of new people join, there will be thousands of miles of unclaimed wilderness between our nations, making interaction difficult.
3) Preexisting relations. We were each required to pick a national language...does that mean we don't know the languages of other nations? Will we be forced to slowly learn the languages of foreign powers? How many existing trade routes and alliances are we allowed to have?
4) Improvement and rebuilding armies. When we take casualties, how long will it take for those numbers to go back up? And how long will it take to improve technology, gain new troop types, and so on?
1) As Vilage said, I'd rather they kept stylistically similar to what's in the world right now. I'd personally rather not see anything to crazy-alien too much, I got Landfall for that. And the crazier everyone makes anything the less we can maintain stylistic uniformity in our things.
2) Any nations outside player-controlled realms are NPC and could theoretically be rules by anyone. But in terms of neighbors then I would like to see regional consistency in culture or relations between them, whether based on the history of the region or the current status; so long as a common thread is shared. To that effect, do keep in mind those areas ARE open to other players so if in doubt or someone says they want to play in a certain location nearby to find a narrative reason to avoid it and make as little details as possible. As well, treat these NPCs as you would a player.
In the end, keep in mind that participating in this RP like a video game isn't preferred and that narrative repercussions should be kept in mind. You may be able to conquer an area, but can you actually hold it in peace from the native population?
3) If you want to claim pre-existing relationships with another nation then I would say you should probably talk to them about it and build up an idea. As in the case of Gorgen's king's second son being in my court: that was a matter we talked about before hand. So when it comes to that depth you should certainly approach a player and ask him. Maybe get something going in the OOC beyond simple applications.
Otherwise, the only other thing on knowing about other people would be reading their histories and saying to yourself: could I plausible have crossed these people? As an side-example the Rynseers and Enywyr clans of Aylsfyn did come down from the north and they would certainly hold at least a general knowledge of the politics up there, if not having a few distant relatives on that cold northern sea. And they would certainly be aware of anyone they could have passed sailing down on their voyage/migration.
4) This comes down to what I said earlier about writing this more of a story than a video-game. This RP is taking place in a comparatively narrow space of time. There's likely not going to be much technological advancement. Political motivations and interests are likely to move faster than tech in most cases. And its advancement probably isn't going to make immense leaps and bounds.
Per armies, same rule. There's also the associated factors of there being enough young men to fill the ranks and the larger your army is in proportion to the population would have effects on how many able-bodied young men who will be able to fill in the ranks. There are other factors of course, all of which are certainly more narrative elements than statistical.
GM
Dinh AaronMk my beloved (french coded)
Member
Seen
8 mos ago
thorgili said
Its a conspiracy 0_o 2012 wasnt when the world would end it was when gays take over the world my god we need to tell people!!
Last I checked it was the Mayans who did the 2012 thing, not the Inca. ;D
Two completely different pre-Columbian cultures.
Vilageidiotx Jacobin of All Trades
Member
Seen
1 yr ago
The Inca have emperors that turn into llama's.
GM
Dinh AaronMk my beloved (french coded)
Member
Seen
8 mos ago
Vilageidiotx said
The Inca have emperors that turn into llama's.
They also sacrificially cut their scrotum for that ball blood.
Vilageidiotx Jacobin of All Trades
Member
Seen
1 yr ago
I think we watched a very different movie.
You know, the other day I explained the Sahle storyline to somebody and they said "So, the Emperor's New Groove?"
Blew. My. Mind.
You know, the other day I explained the Sahle storyline to somebody and they said "So, the Emperor's New Groove?"
Blew. My. Mind.
GM
Dinh AaronMk my beloved (french coded)
Member
Seen
8 mos ago
Vilageidiotx said
I think we watched a very different movie.You know, the other day I explained the Sahle storyline to somebody and they said "So, the Emperor's New Groove?" Blew. My. Mind.
Lmao.
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