Gifted Mailbag #3 (part 1)
((Part 1 of a Collab Post between many people))
Note: The primary conceit of this piece is that The Gifted is a TV Show and all the characters are actors. Also, this work is for the sake of my sanity; or what's left of it, anyway.
Three people sat across the table, but they were different from usual. Two of them, one blonde haired and the other black haired were very young and looked to be about 10-12. The third person looked to be in their early 20s, and he was wearing a fairly average looking suit.
"Welcome to," The three said, "To The Gifted Mailbag!"
"Today, we're doing stuff a little differently from normal." Alto's actor said, "I thought that just having the same guys hosting this thing every time would get boring, and surprisingly enough, the executive guys actually agreed with me."
"So today, we're hosting the show!" Sal's actor said with a bright smile.
"Yes, and now, here's the first question." Con said, pulling a letter from the mailbag.
Dear Gifted Crew, what's the deal with Sal, Con and Sefia for that matter? They all seem to have a crush on Alto or something.
"Oh, well, they actually might." Alto's actor said, as Sal and Con's actors shifted uncomfortably in their seats. "I'm pretty sure we don't have all the future story written up yet, so none of us really know what's going to happen."
"Even if our characters had a crush on Alto", Con's actor said, "He seems like the type who wouldn't really care about it..."
"Oh yeah, if you guys were wondering," Alto said to the audience, "These two, Sefia and I are actually part of the same family in real life as well." He said, gesturing towards Sal and Con, "If you're wondering why we all look so different, it's because all of us are actually adopted."
"Oh, yeah! That;s right!" Sal said, smacking her palm with her fist, "Weren't mom and dad supposed to be coming in for the dinner scene?"
"Ah, right. Con said, "We had to cut that because of time constraints."
"Well, we should probably cut this question because we've got some time constraints of our own," Alto said, "Next question!"
Suddenly, two figures came rappeling in from the ceiling! It was...Isabella and Gia!
"Before we continue," spoke Isabella as she set herself down on the chair, "a brief rant:"
"First up, I do not like being portrayed as a potential rapist sex doll. Nor do I like the portrayal of women as braineless ninnies who think only with their ovaries. If you're going to do a female villain, do them right; portray them as intelligent, charismatic, alluring figures who are just as capable of accomplishments as Male villains, not as sex-crazed, continually frustrated, shallow dunderheads who have no interests other than sex, sex, sex!"
"My character has been, to use TV.Tropes, Flanderized into a short-sighted lust maniac, an oversexualized sterotype that can only promote the image that Ambition for Women is somehow wrong! Why...I might just leave the show over this! And, I'm done."
"I agree with Isabella," said Gia. "As for me, I'm going to outright say this: I don't like the implication that I'm in an abusive relationship with Constantine - with me as the abuser - and it all being portrayed positively. I mean, in the show, I met him through Mind Rape; that is not the foundations for a good and healthy relationship. And this after I killed his friends in-story! I mean, what's with that?!"
"Well, I thought you were supposed to be evil." Max said, stepping on stage and dramatically whipping of his sunglasses. Then he looks around and sighs before turning offstage. "How in the hell does an actor get stage fright? Come on dude, these people didn't show up to see me."
A tall, lanky man with feathery black hair walks out of the wings sheepishly as Max presents him. "Ladies and Gentlemen, Zachery Talbot: The Owlman!"
He just waves before going over to find his seat. Max sits down beside him, kicking his feet upon the table.
"Evil?" said Gia, "not quite; I was unconcious when I did my worst acts, including the Mind Rape. I wasn't fully responsible for my actions. That said, Spoiler Alert: I'm apparently being written out of the story once the Beach Arc is done. I mean, I understand the rationale, my character is a Deus Ex Machina, but I was the McGuffin for the Aperture Meta-Arc, aka Meta-Arc II. It wasn't right for me to be built up, then forgotten, then brought back only to keep track of continuity!"
"Really? I'm gonna be honest, I didn't watch this show before I was on it. All I know is the werid stuff this season." Max replied.
"I didn't know you were being written out. That's terrible." Zack said.
"Almost happened to you." Max replied, turning to him. "Twice. Both times saved by fan outcry, Mr. Ensemble Darkhorse."
Zacks looks away from the camera. "I don't like to think I'm anything like that. I'm not ever that important.
"That's what makes you the darkhorse. We've talked about this."
"Uh, you guys want this question?" Alto asked the two, "It's all warmed up for you."
"Sure, shoot it to us." Max said.
Dear Gifted Crew, my sister keeps going on about how she ships Max and Owlman, how do you deel about that?
"Oh boy..." Zack said, blushing, while Max just grinned like a idiot and started laughing. "I told them." Zack said, "I asked 'are we supposed to be gay or something?' They said no, but I play the character. I read the script. We're pretty gay."
"We're pretty gay." echoed Max.
"But how would that even work?" Zack. "Owlhead, you know?"
Max burst out lauging at that, having to lay his face in his hands. It takes a moment for Zack to relize what he just said, but then he quickly blurt out "I mean, how would they kiss? I was talking about kissing!"
"I know." Max says between giggles. "I know you were buddy. It would weird, wouln't it? Can you imagine doing a love scene, you in your big stupid mask?"
"Well, CGI exists, you know?" Alto said, "We've gotten plenty of mileage out of it so far, don't see why it'd fail us now."
"I don't like using CG." Zack said. "I'm not comfortable with it. I'm a creature actor, I prefer having the suit. You can touch up the suit all you want with CGI, but don't take my head and make it full CGI."
"Wern't you, like, the creature director or something? I know you were on the show before you were Owlman." Max asked.
"I just played the more mutant looking guys. The sort of dudes that couln't just be people with, you know, rubber foreheads and stufff."
"You know, nothing you just said..." Max started
"He's a big old owl. He has a beak. It would look dumb no matter what. No one would be able to take that scene seriously." Zack said quickly.
"Well, you might be surprised at what everyone else thinks." Alto said, leaning forward on the coffee table. "Especially after this." He held up another letter which read,
Dear Gifted Crew, I started shipping Max and Owlman ever since Max first appeared, but recently I've started shipping Light and Owlman and even Camille and Owlman after he got caught by the Camille, although nothing's really happened with that yet. Who do you think should be The One for Owlman?
"Now before you answer." Max said as Zack opened his mouth. "I'd like to remind you that neither of them are as hot as me."
"That, like, that dosen't even come in. Light's a cartoon charater and Camille is, like, a kid. How old is the girl playing her, like 12?" Zack said, flustered.
"I think you're just uncomfortable doing romance." Max said.
"I am. I'll admit that, I really, really am. I have no experiance doing that sort of thing. It's not really something people call me to do." Zack said.
"You were in a Broadway production of Beuty and the Beast!"
"Playing the candle!"
"That candle was a total horndog!"
Zack just turns back to the camera. "The Owlman dosen't have a One, he's much too dedicated to his job. Like, that's just my opinion as his actor."
"Alright, I guess that Batman comparison was more accurate than I realized." Alto said, "Next question!"
Dear Gifted Crew, what the hell's up with this clusterfuck we've been watching for the past two weeks?
"Alright, I'll admit that this is kinda my fault." Alto said, "We've been doing stuff every day for like, a year now, and I was like 'Hey let's go on a holiday or something, but like, in character.' And then the writers were all like, 'Holy shit that's a good idea.' And now, here we are."
"I have been getting a tan on the network dime." Max said.
"I wish we could've gone." Sal pouted, "Although, considering what happened to Sefia, I guess it was good we didn't go."
"Oh yeah, we haven't mentioned it yet but Ian's actually technically and also actually Alto's cousin." Alto's actor said.
The actor of Elijah Craigh walked out on the stage with tablet in his hand. The man's name was E.B. Farnum. The crowd roared with applause and a few shouts. "Thank you. Thank you." E.B made a motion to calm crowd down. "I have a letter here, from an overly concerned, conservative mother in Arkansas." E.B said waving his tablet in his hand. "It's not for me but I will need some help from one of our lovely costarts to answers this one." Please welcome Emma and Sara." Whistels and clabbing hands could be heard when they walked out.
"So this letter, now its a dandy. I was born and raised in the Bible Belt but this is a dandy. It reads as follows. "Dear People Who Make Gifted, why y'all are always flauntin' y'alls bodies everwhere? Can't your women cover up? They belong in a house not around some beach all kindas of buck ass naked!? Can they even keep house? Ain't a one of them looks like they clean? Why come none of them sent that nice Gary man a covered dish? Harlots all of them. Them girls need some Jesus in their lives."
There was a moment of silence on the twins part, before Avarice's actor, Sara, charged forward to grab the letter. "Harlot, eh? I'll show you a harlot, you damn inbr-" She was silenced by her sister's hand over mouth, laughing nervously, Cer's actor continued, "What she meant to say was we appreciate the concern but we pity your limited world view. To answer your house keeping questions, yes we know how to clean and I'm not sure why you think we haven't been trying to comfort Gary in these horrible times, I never thought to make him food though.." She tentatively removed her sister's mouth who began to rant anew, "If you don't like it you can watch something else, I don't need to clean my house because I've actually done somthing with myself instead of hiding in a kitchen my whole life."
E.B giggle to himself, as he held up the tablet. "We got a tweet from our lovely mother." E.B went back to reading. "And it reads, "I'mma get little scrawny bitch. Just as soon as I get my Bronco fixed." E.B. looked at the crowd and laughed with them. "I love the south, my people will always amaze me."
"More letters!" said Isabella, who then read out:
Dear Gifted Crew, I have a question for Eli, or rather, his actor: Have you starred in a soap opera before?
"YEAH, I DID IT! " E.B. screamed. I'll never forget the looking at one of the female costars and think those breasts are fake but by G-d those tears real." After he laughed for a second E. B. went on. "I did it for a few episodes, the dramatics were over the top and too much infighting but was a decent job. This cast is pretty awesome. We don't have much of any infighting and we all get along together. The special effects department hates us but hey someone has to..."
Note: The primary conceit of this piece is that The Gifted is a TV Show and all the characters are actors. Also, this work is for the sake of my sanity; or what's left of it, anyway.
Three people sat across the table, but they were different from usual. Two of them, one blonde haired and the other black haired were very young and looked to be about 10-12. The third person looked to be in their early 20s, and he was wearing a fairly average looking suit.
"Welcome to," The three said, "To The Gifted Mailbag!"
"Today, we're doing stuff a little differently from normal." Alto's actor said, "I thought that just having the same guys hosting this thing every time would get boring, and surprisingly enough, the executive guys actually agreed with me."
"So today, we're hosting the show!" Sal's actor said with a bright smile.
"Yes, and now, here's the first question." Con said, pulling a letter from the mailbag.
Dear Gifted Crew, what's the deal with Sal, Con and Sefia for that matter? They all seem to have a crush on Alto or something.
"Oh, well, they actually might." Alto's actor said, as Sal and Con's actors shifted uncomfortably in their seats. "I'm pretty sure we don't have all the future story written up yet, so none of us really know what's going to happen."
"Even if our characters had a crush on Alto", Con's actor said, "He seems like the type who wouldn't really care about it..."
"Oh yeah, if you guys were wondering," Alto said to the audience, "These two, Sefia and I are actually part of the same family in real life as well." He said, gesturing towards Sal and Con, "If you're wondering why we all look so different, it's because all of us are actually adopted."
"Oh, yeah! That;s right!" Sal said, smacking her palm with her fist, "Weren't mom and dad supposed to be coming in for the dinner scene?"
"Ah, right. Con said, "We had to cut that because of time constraints."
"Well, we should probably cut this question because we've got some time constraints of our own," Alto said, "Next question!"
Suddenly, two figures came rappeling in from the ceiling! It was...Isabella and Gia!
"Before we continue," spoke Isabella as she set herself down on the chair, "a brief rant:"
"First up, I do not like being portrayed as a potential rapist sex doll. Nor do I like the portrayal of women as braineless ninnies who think only with their ovaries. If you're going to do a female villain, do them right; portray them as intelligent, charismatic, alluring figures who are just as capable of accomplishments as Male villains, not as sex-crazed, continually frustrated, shallow dunderheads who have no interests other than sex, sex, sex!"
"My character has been, to use TV.Tropes, Flanderized into a short-sighted lust maniac, an oversexualized sterotype that can only promote the image that Ambition for Women is somehow wrong! Why...I might just leave the show over this! And, I'm done."
"I agree with Isabella," said Gia. "As for me, I'm going to outright say this: I don't like the implication that I'm in an abusive relationship with Constantine - with me as the abuser - and it all being portrayed positively. I mean, in the show, I met him through Mind Rape; that is not the foundations for a good and healthy relationship. And this after I killed his friends in-story! I mean, what's with that?!"
"Well, I thought you were supposed to be evil." Max said, stepping on stage and dramatically whipping of his sunglasses. Then he looks around and sighs before turning offstage. "How in the hell does an actor get stage fright? Come on dude, these people didn't show up to see me."
A tall, lanky man with feathery black hair walks out of the wings sheepishly as Max presents him. "Ladies and Gentlemen, Zachery Talbot: The Owlman!"
He just waves before going over to find his seat. Max sits down beside him, kicking his feet upon the table.
"Evil?" said Gia, "not quite; I was unconcious when I did my worst acts, including the Mind Rape. I wasn't fully responsible for my actions. That said, Spoiler Alert: I'm apparently being written out of the story once the Beach Arc is done. I mean, I understand the rationale, my character is a Deus Ex Machina, but I was the McGuffin for the Aperture Meta-Arc, aka Meta-Arc II. It wasn't right for me to be built up, then forgotten, then brought back only to keep track of continuity!"
"Really? I'm gonna be honest, I didn't watch this show before I was on it. All I know is the werid stuff this season." Max replied.
"I didn't know you were being written out. That's terrible." Zack said.
"Almost happened to you." Max replied, turning to him. "Twice. Both times saved by fan outcry, Mr. Ensemble Darkhorse."
Zacks looks away from the camera. "I don't like to think I'm anything like that. I'm not ever that important.
"That's what makes you the darkhorse. We've talked about this."
"Uh, you guys want this question?" Alto asked the two, "It's all warmed up for you."
"Sure, shoot it to us." Max said.
Dear Gifted Crew, my sister keeps going on about how she ships Max and Owlman, how do you deel about that?
"Oh boy..." Zack said, blushing, while Max just grinned like a idiot and started laughing. "I told them." Zack said, "I asked 'are we supposed to be gay or something?' They said no, but I play the character. I read the script. We're pretty gay."
"We're pretty gay." echoed Max.
"But how would that even work?" Zack. "Owlhead, you know?"
Max burst out lauging at that, having to lay his face in his hands. It takes a moment for Zack to relize what he just said, but then he quickly blurt out "I mean, how would they kiss? I was talking about kissing!"
"I know." Max says between giggles. "I know you were buddy. It would weird, wouln't it? Can you imagine doing a love scene, you in your big stupid mask?"
"Well, CGI exists, you know?" Alto said, "We've gotten plenty of mileage out of it so far, don't see why it'd fail us now."
"I don't like using CG." Zack said. "I'm not comfortable with it. I'm a creature actor, I prefer having the suit. You can touch up the suit all you want with CGI, but don't take my head and make it full CGI."
"Wern't you, like, the creature director or something? I know you were on the show before you were Owlman." Max asked.
"I just played the more mutant looking guys. The sort of dudes that couln't just be people with, you know, rubber foreheads and stufff."
"You know, nothing you just said..." Max started
"He's a big old owl. He has a beak. It would look dumb no matter what. No one would be able to take that scene seriously." Zack said quickly.
"Well, you might be surprised at what everyone else thinks." Alto said, leaning forward on the coffee table. "Especially after this." He held up another letter which read,
Dear Gifted Crew, I started shipping Max and Owlman ever since Max first appeared, but recently I've started shipping Light and Owlman and even Camille and Owlman after he got caught by the Camille, although nothing's really happened with that yet. Who do you think should be The One for Owlman?
"Now before you answer." Max said as Zack opened his mouth. "I'd like to remind you that neither of them are as hot as me."
"That, like, that dosen't even come in. Light's a cartoon charater and Camille is, like, a kid. How old is the girl playing her, like 12?" Zack said, flustered.
"I think you're just uncomfortable doing romance." Max said.
"I am. I'll admit that, I really, really am. I have no experiance doing that sort of thing. It's not really something people call me to do." Zack said.
"You were in a Broadway production of Beuty and the Beast!"
"Playing the candle!"
"That candle was a total horndog!"
Zack just turns back to the camera. "The Owlman dosen't have a One, he's much too dedicated to his job. Like, that's just my opinion as his actor."
"Alright, I guess that Batman comparison was more accurate than I realized." Alto said, "Next question!"
Dear Gifted Crew, what the hell's up with this clusterfuck we've been watching for the past two weeks?
"Alright, I'll admit that this is kinda my fault." Alto said, "We've been doing stuff every day for like, a year now, and I was like 'Hey let's go on a holiday or something, but like, in character.' And then the writers were all like, 'Holy shit that's a good idea.' And now, here we are."
"I have been getting a tan on the network dime." Max said.
"I wish we could've gone." Sal pouted, "Although, considering what happened to Sefia, I guess it was good we didn't go."
"Oh yeah, we haven't mentioned it yet but Ian's actually technically and also actually Alto's cousin." Alto's actor said.
The actor of Elijah Craigh walked out on the stage with tablet in his hand. The man's name was E.B. Farnum. The crowd roared with applause and a few shouts. "Thank you. Thank you." E.B made a motion to calm crowd down. "I have a letter here, from an overly concerned, conservative mother in Arkansas." E.B said waving his tablet in his hand. "It's not for me but I will need some help from one of our lovely costarts to answers this one." Please welcome Emma and Sara." Whistels and clabbing hands could be heard when they walked out.
"So this letter, now its a dandy. I was born and raised in the Bible Belt but this is a dandy. It reads as follows. "Dear People Who Make Gifted, why y'all are always flauntin' y'alls bodies everwhere? Can't your women cover up? They belong in a house not around some beach all kindas of buck ass naked!? Can they even keep house? Ain't a one of them looks like they clean? Why come none of them sent that nice Gary man a covered dish? Harlots all of them. Them girls need some Jesus in their lives."
There was a moment of silence on the twins part, before Avarice's actor, Sara, charged forward to grab the letter. "Harlot, eh? I'll show you a harlot, you damn inbr-" She was silenced by her sister's hand over mouth, laughing nervously, Cer's actor continued, "What she meant to say was we appreciate the concern but we pity your limited world view. To answer your house keeping questions, yes we know how to clean and I'm not sure why you think we haven't been trying to comfort Gary in these horrible times, I never thought to make him food though.." She tentatively removed her sister's mouth who began to rant anew, "If you don't like it you can watch something else, I don't need to clean my house because I've actually done somthing with myself instead of hiding in a kitchen my whole life."
E.B giggle to himself, as he held up the tablet. "We got a tweet from our lovely mother." E.B went back to reading. "And it reads, "I'mma get little scrawny bitch. Just as soon as I get my Bronco fixed." E.B. looked at the crowd and laughed with them. "I love the south, my people will always amaze me."
"More letters!" said Isabella, who then read out:
Dear Gifted Crew, I have a question for Eli, or rather, his actor: Have you starred in a soap opera before?
"YEAH, I DID IT! " E.B. screamed. I'll never forget the looking at one of the female costars and think those breasts are fake but by G-d those tears real." After he laughed for a second E. B. went on. "I did it for a few episodes, the dramatics were over the top and too much infighting but was a decent job. This cast is pretty awesome. We don't have much of any infighting and we all get along together. The special effects department hates us but hey someone has to..."
If you're wondering why we're posting this in parts, I don't really get it either
