Dervish — Roleplayer Guild

<Snipped quote by Dervish>

Thank you for the kind words! They're very much appreciated and I'm glad you like Balroth as much as I enjoyed putting him together. I knew what kind of person I wanted him to become at the end of the ride but not quite how we'd get there when I started writing his history, so the major plot points of his life were decided more or less organically as I encountered them by asking myself how someone with that kind of upbringing and childhood would react to trauma. I'm glad the sheet's length wasn't a problem for you. I've had people complain about that to me in the past. 

And yes, I did mean horsehoes. I'll rectify that in a bit.@James

I love when ideas just flow like water. Vasora was much the same for me; Minus refinements and editing, I wrote her out in a sitting. I have a similar writing process where I have an idea of who my character eventually becomes, but there's steps to get there that are a lot more easily handled if you start from the beginning and work forward in time. You did a great job!

<Snipped quote by Dervish>

Thank you all for the critiques and pointers, I'll get to working on my CS right away. As I've said before I'm not actually very familiar with TES lore and places, and I forgot to read the bit about Solstheim being given away to Morrowind by the High King. 

I usually prefer to start with a foundation and then flesh my characters out through RP, but these pointers help greatly in that regard. And yes, while they are fun reads usually, I don't think EVERY character has to have some kind of trauma so I didn't give mine one. I did have snippets in there which were challenging him, but I'll elaborate on them now.@Genbor

No worries! Trust me, I've spent an unhealthy amount of time scouring Wiki articles for fact checking purposes myself, so I know it can be a bit daunting. My advice is to read up on locations and organizations as they come up.

And I agree, I kinda realized how silly abundant trauma can be in roleplaying when every single character has their entire family merc'd. It's fun to mix it up once in a while.

HI GUYS, WE FINALLY READ OVER ALL THE SHEETS!

Keep in mind these aren't final reviews but are mostly just a point by point tally of things we think need to be addressed or we really liked. It's in no particular order and some of us had more critiques than others. Use it as a guideline to do final polishing for Monday.

Judah Callisar by DearTrickster:

*8 spells listed instead of 7

*I have already been over the sheet before, and I think everything’s pretty solid! I’ll leave it to the other GMs if you have things to add or point out - Dervs

*There is mention of her siblings “clutch mates” but nothing much else. Did she get along with them? Any that didn’t like her? Did she ever have to stand up for them? (I’m not familiar with Argonians by any means) - Foxey

*What made the explorers choose Judah? Would no one else act as a guide for them? - Foxey

*How did her family take Judena’s choice of suddenly leaving to head off with the mages? Did they encourage her, did they wish for her not to go?

*How did Judena’s family handle her marrying a woman?

*After the relationship with Leonora ended, “she wandered from province to province” perhaps list/specify which ones she visited? Has she visited them all, or are there ones she hasn’t visited?

*Judena is a very interesting character! Kudos to you for breaking outside of the mold and giving her a mental disability with the short term amnesia, she evokes a lot of sympathy from me.

Ingar Brolna by Genbor:

*The name sounds more Nordic than Breton, Breton names tend to be Anglo or French sounding since High Rock is influenced by those cultures

*Minor note, Solstheim is isn’t actually a part of Skyrim, it’s technically a part of Morrowind. It has no associations with the College of Winterhold. If Ingar wanted to go there specifically for Stalhrim, that’s one thing, but High Rock probably has much more adequate magical institutions than the College, although the College is known to be a lot more lenient on rules.
*
It would be nice to know some information about this family and associates, there’s not a lot to go off of other than he went to places to study and learn skills. It would be interesting to know how he gets along with people, what kind of friends he makes, if he grew due to the influence of others, etc. 

*There’s a lot of solid foundation to the sheet, although there isn’t a lot of challenges he’s faced, which aren’t a bad thing (it’s nice to see someone who isn’t getting their start via trauma!),  but there doesn’t seem to be a lot of situations where he was particularly challenged past the usual academic study and application cycle. Was there anything in the College that he attempted that backfired? Did he get caught up in mischief? What about back in High Rock?

*Since High Rock was a part of the Empire during the Great War and Stormcloak rebellion, was Ingar’s family affected? What were his opinions on world events? Did they help him decide what to do, or did he just see it all as problems that were a world away? 
What made him decide to leave the College for the expedition? Money, archaeological interest, finding artifacts for the College?

Balphor Revlund by Lord Linguine

*He’s carrying 800 septims in a sack? - Foxey

*Why would Balphor and his friends track a pack of wolves? Were they hunting them for pelts, hunting for sport, hunting for a contractor? What happened to Felnor, did he die as well in the wolf attack like Devrin? - Foxey

*You wrote, “Balphor was a different person after returning home.” Perhaps elaborate what made him different? Did he have nightmares from the wolf attack? Did he have some revelation about the balance of life and death? - Foxey

*He enlists in the guard and becomes a debt collector for the Dominion, but there is hardly anything written about his parents being murdered? He then goes on to live off the land, murdering Thalmor diplomats and guards, but there is no given reason. Why does he think the Thalmor or responsible, and why would they want to murder his parents?-Dervs

*Also, how did he end up in Skyrim? Why did he choose to go to the most anti-elven land in Tamriel? Does he not fear Imperial persecution for being a potential spy?-Dervs

*Elden Root was only the capital of the First Aldmeri Dominion. The 2nd and 3rd Dominions capitals are the city of Alinor-Dervs
Dwemer ruins are only located in the Northern provinces, namely Skyrim, Morrowind, and an offshoot popped up in Hammerfell (that’s actually where it got its name). The Alyeids, however, did flee to Valenwood to escape the Allessian Empire that had overthrown them-Dervs

*I read a lot of inconsistencies that make it very confusing for his backstory. - Foxey

*All in all, Balphor has a solid start as a character, he just needs to have a little ironing out! - Foxey

Nani Tilhart by Rtron

*The Family openly practices necromancy, apparently. One has to wonder how they kept that secret for hundreds of years. IIRC, necromancy was formally outlawed and punishable by law. Surely all this would’ve affected their reputation and standing. - Leidenschaft

*elderscrolls.wikia.com/wiki/Necromancy Necromancy isn’t outright banned, but there is a massive stigma against it and law does dictate that it cannot be used in public domain and requires consent of the owner of the body to use it. I doubt many soldiers in Nani’s house would consent to their bodies being used as war tools, especially since there’s a lot of uncomfortable questions regarding how it affects the victims’ soul, much like anyone who’s soul trapped ends up trapped in the Soul Cairn for eternity. Does she even realize this is the fate she condemned her father to? -Dervs

*What age was Nani when she began practicing magic? Her mother died giving birth to her little brother a year later, it would give us better insight as to how her age might have affected her psychology as an individual. Yet, when the pirates attacked Wayrest, she was only 5? It’s a bit confusing here as she either is a super smart kid studying these tomes and practicing magic, or the timeline is a bit skewed. - Foxey

*Dervs had mentioned this about my CS originally with Brynja, and I really do like this CS so far, but it seem to be more of a story focused on her family than Nani, and I’m curious to read more about her than the family so to say. Like, after they flee their home, it becomes what her father and brother are doing than how she’s reacting to these events. My two cents though - Foxey

*Personality wise, she’s forever an optimist and hates pirates with every fiber of her being, but does she have any emotional traumas? Does she struggle with the loss of her entire family, or is it something she doesn’t think twice about?

*It seems kind of strange that the pirates would have been pitting members of a powerful mage society against each other in a wooden arena for the very reason for what Nani’s father did. What was to stop any other mage from torching the place at any time? - Dervs

*Photographic memory isn’t actually a thing, it’s commonly mistaken for eidetic memory, which isn’t an exact recollection. - Dervs 

*Overall, I think you gave Nani a very intriguing and emotional family history, it’s not everyday I read a character's background with this much history. Sorry there were a lot of points to be brought up! A lot of it’s pretty minor stuff, but the necromancy aspect to the character is a pretty serious thing to carry about it has a lot of stipulations to consider. There’s a fantastic amount of content to work with and she’s definitely a solid foundation of a character with a very interesting story, but there’s a lot of refinement and perhaps retooling that is required. - Dervs

Zevran by That1guy

*So, what’s his family name? Even farmers and smiths had family names. - Schaft

*I’d like to see his relationship with his family fleshed out more, what reason did he have to just stop concerning himself with them? What was his family’s reaction? - Schaft

*From the sound of it, he’s given himself a rough time over not being the typical Breton mage due to his birthsign. How did this affect his childhood and his relationships with friends/family? - Schaft

*He spent three years wandering, what were some of the things he encountered? Furthermore, I’d like it to be expanded upon just how he managed to defeat the Necromancer with seemingly no practical application of his magic thus far.

*The personality section is a little bare-bones, I’m only able to extrapolate that he is a bit of an introvert, likes honey and ‘gets by with a little help from his friends.’ He also doesn’t like small talk, but what are some deeper things about him? Fears, wants, goals, ambitions. I’d like for the player to think harder about what the character likes and dislikes and why he likes and dislikes them.

*Silver is a really weak and malleable metal, which is really only suitable for ghosts in TES. You may wish to substitute for steel or something similar. - Dervs 

*It’s worth noting that Dwemer weren’t known for being mages, it was incredibly rare for them and they focused primarily on technological endeavors. 

*You’ve got a great mind for character creation, Zevran is a character with a huge potential, I’d love to see what he becomes after some fleshing out! - Foxey

Meg by Greenie

*I honestly don’t see anything that needs to be addressed! Everything flows very nicely and Meg is a very believable character with an interesting but not outlandish story and the few losses she had were handled well and gave actual motivation and change to her character. Well done! - Dervs **Ditto to this - Foxey

Balroth gro-Umanak by James

*Fantastic job on the physical description of Balroth; it was easy to immediately get a sense of what the character looked like, his mannerisms and gait, and aspects of his personality shine through through the detail in his appearance. Not a critique; I just wanted to say I’m impressed - Dervs

*Minor detail in the Smithing skill section; you wrote hooves as an item he can make. I think you might have meant Horseshoes - Dervs

*I literally have no problems with this sheet! It is extremely well thought out, you’ve got a great writing style that’s easy for me to see and envision Balroth as an orc, and a person. - Foxey

*I love how he turned from the bullied tiny kid and basically did a 180 for expectations and suddenly became the supreme version of the bullies he hated and became enthralled by it. The fact that it was this newfound hubris, something of his own making, that set him up for spectacular failure is something I don’t see enough of and I think it really helped set the stage for the decades ahead. His cycles of self-loathing and self-destructive behaviour that completely erode the successes he made in life are captivating reads and it’s an incredible amount of character building in even a few paragraphs, and in the end it was forced responsibility to care for someone other than himself that tempered him. Honestly, I love this character. You knocked it out of the park. - Dervs

Gaius Milonem III by Lemons

*After the Stormcloak rebellion, why didn’t Gaius return to his estate in Imperial City? It seems from his sheet that he’s a very family oriented person and feels a sense of duty since his father’s passing, so it seems strange that he’d just leave it all behind to stay in Skyrim. His children are obviously capable of managing the estate and he had no taste for it, but why was he so ready to leave it all behind for a new life out of Whiterun? You did mention he’s still stationed with the Legion, but if that were the case, how did he get leave to pursue the expedition into the ruin? -Dervs

*I have no other qualms with this sheet! I’m not a whiz at the timeline with dates and such, but it seems pretty sound to me! Maybe why did he stay in Whiterun? Was it by choice or because he was needed there after the war? - Foxey

*This very well written! I like how as I was reading this I could visualize his life and get a good feel for him as a character. - Foxey

*I think it’s a pretty solid sheet with no glaring things that need to be addressed! He’s a clean cut Legionnaire with some very legitimate motivations and fears, and I think a lot of his personality will be fleshed out along with his history as things go on. Perhaps I’m spoiled with some of the submissions so far, but I felt like there were gaps in his 40 decades of life that were glossed over, but that’s more me legitimately wanting to know more rather than a failing to provide detail. Maybe elaborate a bit more on what he did in the war and his legion deployments and his relationship with his children and I think we got a winner. - Dervs

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