Avatar of Ellri
  • Last Seen: 10 mos ago
  • Old Guild Username: Ellri
  • Joined: 10 yrs ago
  • Posts: 3731 (1.00 / day)
  • VMs: 5
  • Username history
    1. Ellri 10 yrs ago

Status

Recent Statuses

5 yrs ago
Current Peace is a Lie, there is only Passion. Through Passion, I gain Strength. Through Strength, I gain Power. Through Power, I gain Victory. Through Victory, My Chains are Broken. The Force Shall Free Me.
3 likes
5 yrs ago
"Never was, never will be."
6 yrs ago
We find that our favorite damage type is collateral.
6 yrs ago
We do not corrupt mortals. We teach them enlightened self-interest.
6 yrs ago
Peace is a lie. There is only passion (for cookies).
2 likes

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Most Recent Posts

Review sent in PM, @Torack.
With our commentary taken care of, we can give our stamp of approval.
Only needs a second one now.
@Espada Emi

Review of Mideo

As always, we don’t delve into the parts we consider good. Anything we don’t cover, is in our eyes good enough.

Formatting:
Move bold tag on Master in Public records to before the master’s name.
On the wherever you use a dash (-) to separate a skill, associate or such, try to make sure of two things:
  • That the text before the dash is in bold
  • that there is a space both in front of and after the dash.


This will make it easier for others to read it.

Appearance:
Since horns grow in at puberty, does this mean you plan to have Mideo undego that soonish ICly?

Talents:
Her talent for Plant Surge is known to the masters of H’Ratth, yes?
If so, they are likely to have sent out word to get someone to help train her.

Same goes for the Psychometry, which they will most definitely have arranged someone to train her in well enough to be able to control it most of the time. Given that this one was discovered early, such training is likely to have been going on for some time.
Being able to decide not to use it is an early step of training for psychometry that the H’Ratth Council would have seen as mandatory for her before assigning her to a master.

Since her master is not skilled with either of these, it is likely that she will occasionally be training with other senior Jedi (knights or masters) who have the skills to help her learn more about these.

Non-Force skills:
Survival. The range of biomes available across republic space is immense. Given her age, she likely has not delved much into the nuances of more than a few, with very basic knowledge of most others only.
We suggest picking two or three biomes that she has deeper knowledge of here. Given that H’Ratth is a jungle world, that is likely one. For roleplaying purposes, we suggest picking one or two others, so that she is not too limited.

Acrobatics. With the Force as her ally, her denser body type would not have had quite as great a challenge, though of course she would have a different type of nimbleness about it than those with much leaner frames. Most likely, the strength and weight of the bones will increase in a balanced fashion as her strength increases, rather than one going much faster. (the latter would be a poor survival trait for a species)

Failures:
Do you have no failures? Perhaps some unfortunate experience with Psychometry?

Addendum: We like her.
OoC

How long do you usually write? Several paragraphs
Do you enjoy writing collaborative posts for things like conversations, combat, etc.? Yes.
Is grammar and depth of writing important to you? Yes.
Are there any writing subjects you particularly enjoy exploring? Yes. See other sheets.
Is there anything you really dislike and want to avoid like the plague? This character will be a background manipulator, so he is not meant to be discovered, or if discovered: identified.
Is there something you are uncomfortable with happening to your character?
Being discovered.
Do you have any short-term or long-term goals with this character?
Messing with Dashara’s mind. Serving the Imperial cause in an enigmatic way.



Personal biography

Identity unknown.
Lore, Guides and other useful information


General:

Guide: Species of the Galaxy

Guide: Time Progression and Travel Times
WIP Timeline

Guide: Skill levels

Character Sheet Templates

Character Sheet Templates


Force Users:

Guide: Jedi Training and Life
Guide: Sith Training and Life
Guide: Lightsaber Combat
Guide: The Force
Guide: Holocrons, the Codes and deviant Force users

Other Guides:

Guide: Citizens of the Empire
Guide: Citizens of the Republic
Guide: Mandalorian Training and Life

Guide: Military Ranks & Order of Battle
Guide: Significant Locations in the Empire

Guide: Starships of the Galaxy
Guide: Droids

Map:

Territorial map, 3647

Character List



Post-end note: individual lore docs can be made available on request to Ellri.
@Archetype Zero You asked for our input, so here it is...

In general

With this being a post-approval review, we’ll be going about it slightly differently than we would a normal review. The focus will be on making it a better character than it currently is, rather than just asking for things that will be sufficient for approval in our eyes.

We won’t, for example, delve into the parts we consider good. They’re there, but they won’t receive attention.

🔸 Grammar. There are a few basic grammar errors, where things are misspelled, clearly a result of a mistake on your part, rather than lack of knowledge. For example, in the OoC section, you have Uppdate. We recommend fixing that, or simply merging the added part into the original whole. That way, if you later discover natural goals for him, you can add those in with a label like “update” again, instead of using “update #2” or somesuch.

🔸 You speak of the 77th army in several places. While the ground-based military forces of the Sith Empire is the Imperial army, there aren’t 77 different versions of it, nor is “army” any of the subdivision labels used.
🔸 Given that you specify it is led by a general, the following subdivisions are available: Battlegroup, Division, Corps, Sector Army, Army Group.
🔸 The first four of those are regularly found, while the last is created for a specific operation, making it less likely to be relevant in your case.
🔸 Given that you do not mention him being one of many Sith with that unit, it is more likely to be a battlegroup or division than it is to be a Corps or Sector Army. Even in units of those lower sizes, only a single Sith is unlikely. We recommend considering having him be one of several Sith there.


🔸 Combat Experience
🔸 At 22 years old, Khaar would have been 16 at the time of the Treaty of Coruscant. It is rare for Sith to be full-fledged apprentices at that age, though it happens.
🔸 Even if he passed the chosen tests for becoming an apprentice around that age, he would not have had time to gain any significant combat experience against Republic Forces. At the most, he would have had time to fight a battle or three before the Treaty as a minor attachment, not enough to build any renown worth speaking of. After the treaty, any combat would have been against local planetary forces or disavowed, rogue republic units that would not be supported by proper supply lines.
🔸 If he ever fought Jedi after the Treaty was signed, it would have been one or at most two, also disavowed and of low rank/prominence. The Jedi Order would be just as interested in reining in their members as the Sith would be in taking them down.
🔸 No Jedi Masters would be involved in open combat against Imperial military forces after the treaty. Why, you might ask. The answer is simple: Jedi Masters represent the will of the Jedi Order and the Jedi High Council. A Jedi Master fighting the Empire would be seen as a breach of the Treaty of Coruscant, permitting the Empire to levy punitive consequences on the Republic in return for the treaty remaining intact.


🔸 Major Battles
🔸 The first of his major achievements uses the world of Myrkr. That world is in this time period almost or completely without settlement. It would not be a major battlefield, and it would not have heavy defense systems of the level you have described.
🔸 We recommend picking a more heavily populated world, such as, for example, Balmorra, Bothawui or Alderaan, though there are many worlds that also would be suitable. A world’s position on the border is not equivalent to it actually being a major battleground. The borders in a galaxy-scale conflict are more fluid than a static, two-dimensional map can properly portray. The border is also (more or less) where the lines are drawn “today”, six years after the peace treaty, not necessarily where they were during the war.


🔸 There are two ways you can fix this sheet to make it make more sense given his experience and age.
🔸 reduce his experience level.
🔸 replace combat experience with fighting non-republic forces
🔸 Increase his age by several years.

🔸 The former is a lot more work, while the latter should be fairly easy. Even adding four years to his age would let him easily have the level of experience described from anti-republic combat.

Minor elements

🔸 You mention that he is scarred, particularly from blasters and lightsabers. Medical tech exists to treat the former fairly well, leaving only minor scars. The latter, however, tends to either leave major scars, or more likely missing body parts. Only truly powerful Jedi and Sith have the skill and power to negate the effects of lightsaber strikes against flesh. We would recommend not having as much in the way of lightsaber injuries, unless you want to give him some cybernetics, but to add some scarring from shrapnel and the like.
Mr. Grenade is not your friend. Nor is he the friend of anyone else, be it a Force user or a regular person. If you do not have thick enough armor to stop him, he will leave you scarred.

🔸 We do wonder a bit on his height. It’s not outside normal parameters for humans, but it is well above average. Is there any particular reason you chose to have him tall? This is mostly curiosity.
🔸 Did this additional height affect him in any way during training or later?


🔸 In the Personnel files, you listed him being affiliated with the Sphere of Military Strategy, but we couldn’t see much in that mentioned elsewhere. We would recommend either removing the link, or fully implementing it.

🔸 His lightsaber.
🔸 There is no reason for him to need a double-length lightsaber hilt. A standard-sized hilt is already more than suitable for a good two-handed grip.
🔸 As he is not a member of any of the species that are considerably larger than regular humanoids, he does not need a huge lightsaber. Nor for that matter, does he come off as being a primarily brute force combatant.
🔸 a longer or larger-than-normal hilt is inevitably heavier, meaning it is less versatile in fast combat.
🔸 If he desires more momentum as an option, consider speaking with Sundered Echo about lightsaber pikes and other unusual saber variants.
🔸 The most common type of longer hilt is that found on a saberstaff (dual-bladed saber).

🔸 The material you seek for lightsaber-resistance in those spikes is Cortosis weave.
🔸 Is the type of spikes you desire to serve as decoration and style, or as a rudimentary crossguard? Remember that unlike metal swords, lightsabers do not slide down each other’s length without active effort towards that purpose.


🔸What is the purpose of that upper-arm attachment on the armor picture?

🔸 Do you think you could make a list for his non-force skills and an estimated level of skill he has at those?
🔸 You should also consider what skills he is not good at. Flaws are at least as important as talents.

Political Influence and associates

🔸Given that your character’s master is an NPC rather than a PC, it would be helpful if you could define a bit more about him. We won’t ask you to make a full sheet, but some basic information beyond name would be helpful.
🔸 Goals/interests
🔸 age/gender/species
🔸 quirks
🔸 known allies/enemies/rivals
🔸 relationship with your character.
🔸 possibility of having other apprentices, publically known or not.


🔸 You should also consider, if Khaar hates his master, why he has not found a different master to serve. Has he perhaps tried to switch but found the attempt blocked? If so, how did that go down?

🔸Being closely affiliated with a General will also include a certain bit of influence.

🔸 If you want him to be more mobile in the IC threads… have you considered having even minor ties to some in the imperial navy? With his master’s master being who he is, such ties should not be impossible.

Rivals and Enemies

🔸Why is he naturally inclined towards rebellion against his master?
🔸 Don’t forget that the primary means of advancement among the Sith is not through the sudden and unexpected death of a superior. Murder is a capital crime and is punished harshly.
🔸 the best way to be promoted is through gaining influence and power. Having the favor of more powerful Sith is a key element. Becoming the favored heir of an elderly Sith is a particularly effective way for an apprentice to rise to Sith Lord, provided (s)he has what it takes to hold on to the power upon their master’s death.


🔸suggestion: perhaps make up a rivalry with an existing Jedi player character?
Perhaps one of these?
  • Steila Yurel
  • Airus Vel Aath
  • Ellicas Phycon
  • Jex Saranth
  • Jor'Kai Aurvandil
  • Takryn Malkovi


Ownerships

🔸The properties on Dromund Kaas and Korriban… What exactly are they?
🔸Very few Sith own property within or directly attached to the Korriban Academy. Especially when they’re not Sith Lords, let alone Darths or members of the Dark Council.
🔸It is perfectly fine to have property on Korriban if justification is provided, though it would likely be quite some distance away from the academy grounds, possibly within one of the re-established cities.
🔸For a young Sith like yours, owning property on Korriban would be a bit unusual and thus require some justification. Considering you noted something about him not having seen the property, that justification is probably rather interesting, so please write it up.


Flaws

🔸 There is one thing that felt unclear to us… Is he a risk-taker, or is he not? Bad gambler could mean both.

🔸 If he does take a lot of risks, then that needs to be noted.
🔸 If he avoids gambles, instead putting others at risk, then that should be noted clearly.
🔸 If he avoids risks through consulting others to get better knowledge of the circumstances and possible solutions, also note that.

🔸 Think about how his behavior here affects his reputation in the eyes of those he serves with, as well as in the eyes of his enemies.

🔸 You speak of him using unconventional tactics. How are they received by military officers? Are there any that dislike/hate him for such? Are there any that like his style?

Don’t forget that flaws should not be fully compensated for.

Interests

🔸Holocrons, while not uncommon in the empire, are not the sort of objects anyone can acquire effortlessly. They are treasured objects that are held closely by their owners.
🔸The younger a Sith is, the less likely (s)he is to possess one, let alone multiple.
🔸Sith that work closely with the Imperial Reclamations Service or with training other Sith are more likely to have holocrons than those serving with the military.
🔸Powerful Sith occasionally loan out their holocrons to their apprentices, but they usually keep them close.
🔸Destroying a holocron is very difficult. If a Sith should succeed, it is likely to provoke the ire of other Sith. The best way for a Sith to prevent others from accessing holocrons they own is through locking them up, not through attempting their destruction.
🔸A young warrior like Khaar is unlikely to have had the opportunity to acquire a holocron yet, unless it was gifted by his master, let alone more than one. He would most definitely not be granted another if he destroys it.


We're going to assume this RP is dead.
Reasons
  • Mo IC posts by the GM in almost two months.
  • Over a month since last GM OoC post by GM.
  • One IC post the past month
  • Loss of multiple players over several rounds.
Interesting concept, @Meleck. Good to see new players use the guides.
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