Avatar of Expendable

Status

Recent Statuses

1 mo ago
Current I'm sorry, you've reached his personal secretary, Department of Shrubbery, Floor 64, Desk 1024. How can we help you today?
2 mos ago
Or buy a van or a used rental truck. Something nobody would look twice at. You can put in a rack for the rope, duct tape, plastic sheeting, shovels....
2 mos ago
Never trust a car salesman - especially a used car salesman. Have a buddy park across the street and see how many stuffed body bags you can shove in there. Gotta have room for plastic sheeting, etc.
1 like
3 mos ago
Neil Gaiman wrote in his Good Omens bio that he likes it when fans send him $50. (He read Terry Pratchett's bio and figured it wouldn't hurt.)
3 mos ago
"Hack the planet!" is the movie Hackers playing with a teenaged Laura Croft and Sherlock Holmes battling the skateboarding Fisher Stevens?
3 likes

Bio

I am a seven-foot tall minecraft-playing hindu guru drag-queen alien.

Possessor of an Ancient Device™ Model 17. No, I don't know what it does. No, you can't play with it.

Pronouns: It. As in: "What is it? What does it want? Why is it here? Oh my god, it's got my... <insert random body part or object here>"

Likes: World Domination, Writing, Rpg, scifi/fantasy, anime, sketchup 3d models, and anime music videos.

Companions: a host of characters from other games, my personal muse Penny (as in Bad), and the Badger gang - Toothpick, Buttons, Shark, and Mongo. They grew up in the balcony of an old theatre that played a lot of gangster movies. Normally benign, but may invade the OOC forums.

Most Recent Posts

@Expendable Love it. Love the flavour, too. Just right for the setting, and for how I picture it'd be to glimpse into the Wardens mind. Write me a CS and you'll be accepted.


Hope to have a CS for you later today.
Jase the Assassin

??? — Mosslit Cavern




"If it's rigged so a wire runs outside the chest, it's probably underneath," Jase sighs. "If it's rigged internally, then the holes in the wall are a fake - or whoever set this up was really paranoid."

There were so many ways to rig a trap.

"Best move back," the half-elf scowled, pulling his blade. standing to one side, he carefully slid his blade under the lid, then tried to lift the lid a fraction of an inch. For all they knew, it might not even be locked. And if they heard any noises, that would suggest there was some sort of mechanism.




@Crusader Lord@Thunder999999@Crimson Paladin
You've already got a vampire. Hmmm.

Okay, a chimera - bat-winged monkey with the usual assortment of sharp claws and teeth, poisonous dew claws, but this one can talk and take over the bodies of others.

Formerly employed by a witch <NAME WITHHELD> but kept the livery.

It tried taking over the Warden.
Its soul leapt out.
It knows rather than let it die, the Warden picked up its soul and put it back in its body - because it was still useful....
It still has nightmares from the few glimpses it saw. It would give a demon lord nightmares.
Usually I just point to it.
Jase the Assassin

??? — ???




Jase smiled thinly, then pointed at the chest.

"So shoot an icicle at it," he said with a shrug at Vrelenor. "Something with some heft to it. If it's boobytrapped, we can see what it does."

If it was boobytrapped, setting it off from here might disarm it. If it didn't work, they'd have to take a chance.

And if it destroyed itself, that would tell them something, too.

He paused to stare at the other two. The knight Nyana, were they still human? Perhaps they stayed armored up simply because it was easier to move around. But why did Javal stay human while he became one of Santa's helpers? And what was the idea with the status panels?

@Crusader Lord@Thunder999999@Crimson Paladin
Jase the Assassin

??? — ???



Jase resisted the urge to respond in Spanish.

It was unfortunate that they didn't have anything to carry some water with them as they left their stony womb. (what else do you call a room that birthed you?) Jase used a rock to try and scrape the walls as they went, but it wasn't much success. And now they found a dimly lit alcove with a chest and weird holes in the wall.

"'Come into my parlor'," Jase intoned, frowning at the setup, "'Said the spider to the fly.'"

Still, the chest offered some hope that food or something else useful could be found inside, so he was loathe to bypass it.

"Unless someone knows how to make a light, I suggest we try gathering some of that moss in the last cave and bring it in here to see if we can find any tripwires. Or don't they have traps in isekais?" he intoned. He'd finally seen his status panel, but this idea that you'd die and be brought to a fantasy world just seem so much wish-fulfillment, like the guys who prepare for attacks from zombies.

Still, it was much more attractive than waiting around on a cloud for eternity.

Without tools, picking the lock wasn't an option, they'd have to force the chest open. And who knows what sort of trap whoever left this chest might have set to protect it?

@Crusader Lord@Thunder999999@Crimson Paladin
In Hello 9 days ago Forum: Introduce Yourself
Greetings and salutations, welcome back and we hope you'll stay a while.
Jase the Assassin

??? — ???




Jase frowned. First robes guy complained about a lack of towels, he couldn't wait until robes needed toilet paper. But now he was calling himself a mage? Frosting the knob on the top of his staff was a neat trick, but right now he wanted something a lot stronger than shaved ice. Besides, he'd seen better tricks from street performers.

"Isekai'd?" he asked, wincing when he heard himself squeak instead of his normal deep rumble. He looked at the others gravely. "You were on the plane, too? All of you? From Tokyo to LA?"

"Well, I'm Jason, and I wasn't dressed like this on the plane," he said, balling up his fist and using his thumb to point at himself, "or looked like this, neither. Thought we all bought the farm, so what's this 'isekai' business? Why are we all here in this cave with the radioactive moss? Did we crash land at the Nevada Test Site or something? And why were you all staring off into space after you woke up, like you had an invisible television?"

He didn't normally talk this much in a year, but something strange was going on and he intended to find out just what it was! Not being dead was good, but why the crazy outfits and why were they in some cave?

@Crusader Lord@Thunder999999@Crimson Paladin
Jase the Assassin

??? — ???




There was a cool chill to the air as Jase stirred. A good sign, he thought - he could feel his skin, after the blistering wave of heat that flashed through the length of the cabin. His flesh must not have melted, despite what he felt.

His skin was dry - so he wasn't floating in a tank of saline. Nor did he feel like he was floating on air, another treatment for burn victims. No tubes running down his throat. While he heard an occasional "plop", it wasn't an electronic beep of an EKG machine. More like a drop hitting a still surface of water.

Jase's hand rubbed across the ground, feeling the grass. Was he lying on an airport island, a grassy spot between the runways? But why didn't he hear any sounds like airplanes taking off? No murmur of people, the swalk of radios, no rumbling of engines. So did he survive and land in someone's yard?

If so, why didn't he hurt?

Begrudgingly, he opened his eyes, then used his hands to push himself upright.

He was in a cave, lit by a faint light coming from the moss that grew around them. Nor was he alone, there were three others beside him, dressed oddly, like they were going to a renaissance fair.

He froze, raising his hand in front of him. His hand... looked young. No crepe skin, no callouses... He had some muscle, but his skin was soft. And so was his face, no roughness of stubble, it was as smooth as a baby's bottom.

And his clothes - this was not the suit he wore on the plane. He was wearing some sort of peasant shirt with a leather jerkin, a wide belt, short pants, and moccasins. A sheathed knife was hanging from his belt.

Another drop fell into the pool, Jase turning instinctively in its direction. Rising to his feet, he quietly walked to the water's edge, and stared down at a strange, youthful face.

"Oh my god," he swore, wincing at the soft and utterly unfamiliar young voice he heard, "I'm a girl...! No....!"

His hand plunged into his pants, and he sagged with relief. Still a man... but what was wrong with his ears? They curved upwards into a soft point, like that science officer from Star Trek. What was this, some sort of twisted LSD flashback from the drops his mom put into his bottle to settle him? Or was this some sort of twisted joke?

Cupping his hands, he put them into the water, then took a cautious sip. It was sweet and cold. Carefully, Jase rose to his feet, then crossed back to patch of grass where his companions still slept, and splashed his handful of water on their faces. "Wake up!"

@Crusader Lord@Thunder999999@Crimson Paladin

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