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Recent Statuses

6 days ago
Current Good coffee needs nothing. Tummies, on the other hand, could do with a little cushioning, which is why we have creamer and sugar. And the longer the coffee sits, the more you need of that.
7 days ago
I stared into the abyss. It stared back. I'm not the one who blinked. We've agreed to see other people.
1 mo ago
We need a Closed status for when the GM moderating their game has to leave.
2 mos ago
Christmas out-retails all the other holidays. Black Friday, the day after Thanksgiving and the kick-off of Christmas shopping, is when stores start making real profits. Really, no surprise there.
1 like
2 mos ago
Off-stage while waiting our turn to be presented, I taught four other alien contestants and two stage hands how to play poker. First contact should be interesting.


I am a seven-foot tall minecraft-playing hindu guru drag-queen alien.

Possessor of an Ancient Device™ Model 17. No, I don't know what it does. No, you can't play with it.

Pronouns: It. As in: "What is it? What does it want? Why is it here? Oh my god, it's got my... <insert random body part or object here>"

Likes: World Domination, Writing, Rpg, scifi/fantasy, anime, sketchup 3d models, and anime music videos.

Companions: a host of characters from other games, my personal muse Penny (as in Bad), and the Badger gang - Toothpick, Buttons, Shark, and Mongo. They grew up in the balcony of an old theatre that played a lot of gangster movies. Normally benign, but may invade the OOC forums.

Most Recent Posts

Granny Siri

She'd just taken a batch of cookies out of the oven when Siri heard the rattle outside.

"Now what foolish thin' is goin' on?" the old woman demanded, but a glance through the magic eyes around the wagon didn't show anything. Stepping through the doorway to the wagon, then opened the outside door to peer out. It didn't seem like an attack, everyone was looking away from the road at a plume of smoke.

"What foolishness is this?" she wonders scratching her jaw, then steps back inside and going to her desk, pulling open the drawer to pull out a heavy velvet bag and a stand. Undoing the knot, she pulls out a small crystal sphere and sets it on the stand, then peers through it anxiously.

Someone was staring back.

"Get out of the way!" Siri barks, and the startled eye blinks, but draws back. "Damned peepers. Ah, let's see..."

It looked like a metal tower had fallen over... but there was no metal towers in the Emerald Forest! Peering closer, she could see there were two fuzzy shapes inside, but something about the tower was preventing her from seeing anything closer.

"Ah, I'm goin' ta have ta walk over," she grumbled, putting the crystal ball back in its pouch and tucking it and the stand back in its drawer. Grabbing her black medicine bag and a basket, Siri peeked into her larder and threw in a loaf of bread, a bottle of wine, three leather jacks, a couple of fresh cookies, then sighed.

"No cheese," Siri said, shaking her head slightly, "I'm goin' ta have ta see Gru..."

Grabbing her hat from a peg and pulling out her cane, she stepped out the back door onto her tiny porch, closing the door behind her.

Climbing down, she made her way to the front of the wagon where the Scarecrow sat limply.

"Pilot!" she yells, nodding with satisfaction as it jumped up and saluted her. "Where's Gru's Cheese wagon?"

The construct pointed ahead and to the left, which made a few kids giggle.

"Aye, thanks. Mind da store, will ya?" Granny Siri asked, turning away as it saluted, much to the giggling delight of the children. She let a small smirk curl her lips.

"Gru!" Granny Siri calls out, working her way pass the rescued lumberjacks to stare sternly up at the cheesemonger. "I need a wedge of farmer's cheese, or gouda. And don't try ta gorge me on the price!"

Well, a couple of characters come to mind.

J'nkai - alien mechanic, blue-skinned humanoid with multiple limbs, got stranded on a world with a long abandoned mine and no way to get outsys until they got rescued a decade later.

His silent partner (they're mute) calls herself Seven. She's a human and very good with guns, blades, even her hands. J'nkai believes she's a Wilder - a sect of humans who claim they were the first to leave the long lost mythical Earth. He actually found her in an active frozen berth in the wreckage of one of the orbiting ships.

I have a race I used from time to time called the Valkyrii.

They're clones, always female, produced inside cloning units called "Mothers", accelerated to a biological age of 16 (expected life span of 60 years). Each comes out trained to be an infantry soldier. They're also uniquely telepathic in that they can only communicate with one-another. Only a few are born each cycle able to reach an alien mind through touch-contact. For other races, it's like listening to static when they try to mentally communicate with a Valkyrii. They also have a small pair of wings on their back, utterly useless in anything over 33% of standard gravity.

The planet is poor, so their only exports are mercenary units and Zero-G construction battalions. When they're older, having completed their service requirements, may ask for the right to fly (explore).

Biologically, they're very close to Human (standard), and can eat rations safe for humans. TravelRation and Searres Human rations are fine.
You have an advertiser in your introductions forum - roleplayerguild.com/topics/191677-why…
Looks like fun. Mark me as interested.
When those eyes reached Ilyana, a deep chill ran through her soul. Like the ocean drawing out all her heat, making her heart flutter for a moment.

"So, uh, I guess that's the one we have to fight?" she asked quietly. Prison and boarding actions quickly taught you to save your pain - falling apart would have to wait for later.

"Sorcerer?" she asked, trying to figure out if there was anything she'd got that migh work.

Welcome to the guild. Without new people, we'd have nobody at all.
@Tortoise - I've reworked Siri from before. She's a retired apothecary (witch) now working as a Wanderer cleric. I don't recommend snitching a cookie without leaving a copper in the donation box after service. Boxing your ears would be the least of your worries.

There were four of them, grayish in this half-light. Was this what she was, now? Why? Why would anyone bring her here and make her look like that? And for what reason?

The fallen pebble didn't distract them at all, fortunately. They were watching... gelatin? Well, it might look like gelatin, but it was waving tentacles and flashing a weird light, over and over again. Dit dit dit, dah dah dah, dit dit...

She moves without thinking, landing quietly behind the four and dashing between them, scooping up the gelatin creature in her free hand as she pivots, pointing her tiny blade at the four.

"Mine," Sam snarls, baring her teeth at them. A challenge, yes. Would they understand her? She couldn't be sure if she spoke English or whatever they spoke. Or if what she did was safe. Was this thing going to try to eat her? Maybe the four of them were staring with surprise at her for doing something so incredibly stupid.

But it flashed an SOS. If that man turned her into this, maybe he turned someone else from Earth into this light-blinking gelatin!

So what were these four going to do about it?

No, what was she going to do about it?

"Oh god, I hope this was worth it...?" she said, bolting for the nearest tunnel with her prize.
So, just to be clear, how far am I allowed to go to take care of the other goblins?
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