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3 yrs ago
LUV GOIN 2 A RENNASANZ FAIR. LOTTA FAGET NERDBOYS BUT GAWTDAMM I LUV THEM TURKYLEGS. COULD BOUTA DOZZEN OF THEM TASTY LIL FUCKS. LEMME GET A HELL YEAH BRUTHER
4 likes
3 yrs ago
MY PAPAW TOLLD ME 1 THING: SON WHEN UR MY AGE, UR GONA APPRESHIATE TAKIN A GOOD SHIT. AND BRUTHER, HE WUZ RITE! KEN I GETTA FUCKEN HELL YEAH?
5 likes
3 yrs ago
GONNA HAVE 2 DO SUM COMONITY SERVISE BC I GOT A FUKKIN DUI. I ASKED THE JUDGE IF HITTIN ON FAT-ASSED MEXICAN GIRLS CULD BE A SERVISE 2 THA CUMUNITY! LEMME GET A GOTTDAM HELL YEA BRUTTHER!!
3 likes
3 yrs ago
I like a man that knows what he wants. And I love when what he wants is to wear a pirate’s hat and poop on my chest whilst saying “Arr! Swab the poopdeck ye scurvy hedgepig!” Aye aye, daddy! 🥵😫🏴‍☠️
7 likes
3 yrs ago
MY UNCLE DONALD TAUGHT ME 1 THING: NEVER ITCH UR BUTTHOLE AFTER EATIN SUM HOT ASS CHICKEN WINGS! CAN I GET A HELL YEAH BRUTHER??
5 likes

Bio

lol who gives a shit

Most Recent Posts

As for someone good with paint maps - Gorgenmast is pretty damn good.




I've made a lot of NRP maps in the past with paint and I'd agree that I'm experienced enough to come up with something. If he's game, I'd like to consult with @Flagg to create a quality world map - through PM or better yet Steam if you have it.

Also, I'd like to submit my character sheet for review and approval.
Accepted

-Faction name: Farai
-Faction Type: City-State
-Flag/Banner: Red date frond on a background of white silk

NATIONAL
-Capital: Farai
-Government Type: Autocracy
-Currency: Farai does not mint its own coins. Coins from all across Azoth circulate through the bazaars of Farai. Official exchange rates of recognized currencies are determined by the minders of King Nerej.
-Population: Highly variable. Nomads, herders, merchants, and caravans drive the economy of Farai, but typically only inhabit the city for a moon or so before leaving again. Consistent trade generates enough income that Farai hosts a permanent population of craftsmen, settled merchants, and commoners. On average, however, the population is generally 40,000 souls.
-Unique Trait #1: The Font: Farai was built around a narrow crag that reaches deep into the world. At the bottom of this pit is a well of fresh water that provides life to the city's inhabitants and its thriving economy.
-Unique Trait #2: (Created by me)
-Unique Flaw #1: Barbarians: In the wasteland beyond Farai, the unsettled people of the desert could endanger to Farai's vital trade. They don't mean to sack the city - they just want their cut of the income. However, their pacifism is not cheap.
-Unique Flaw #2 (Created by me)

GEOGRAPHICAL
-World-Realm Map:
-Major Cities: While some small towns in the surrounding wastes pay King Nerej a protection tax, Farai is the only city of any importance in its dominion.
-Major Castles:
The House of Chakul: When the Marajun sand people usurped Farai from its previous masters some four hundred years ago, their warlord - Chakul - was underwhelmed by the keep his predecessors left behind. He tore down their rude stone edifice and constructed a castle built in the likeness of the great foreign cities. At the time of his passing, Chakul's home was a castle of smooth, orange plaster the sprawled across the hill overlooking Farai. In the intervening centuries, his sons have expanded his home into a labyrinthine citadel towering above Farai. Beyond the rooftop parapets, pleasure gardens of twining plants and potted palms provide King Nerej and his courtiers a luxurious vantage over the teeming bazaars below.
-Buildings of Interest:
Pomegranate Bazaar: While it would not be inaccurate to call Farai as a whole a bazaar, much of its trade occurs in a stone-paved plaza built around the life-giving Font. During the day and well into the night, traders of all varieties and walks of life hawk their wares to the throngs of shoppers looking to spend their hard-earned gold. The plaza earns its name from an ancient pomegranate tree that shades the Font from the intense desert sun and serves as the bazaar's focal point.
Coliseum of King Jakand: Arenas are relatively common in Azoth's larger settlements, and Farai is no exception. While it is neither the largest, most reknowned, nor most architecturally-advanced coliseum, the arena on the outer fringe of the Farai is plenty grand to attract visitors - and, more importantly, trade revenue - from far and wide. Equestrian sports are hosted regularly, for King Jakand was an avid horse-racer. However, the arena in Farai infrequently hosts bloodsports, which never fail to fill the two thousand-person coliseum to capacity. Eager spectators permitted to watch from the walls or rooftops when there is no room left in the coliseum.

-Geographic Features of Interest:
The Font: Underneath the pomegranate tree's leafy canopy, a stone dais opens into a jagged chasm that descends into perfect blackness. It might be easy for a careless passerby to fall through to their doom were it not for the guards posted around the well keeping constant vigil over the Font. Only water-fetchers recognized by the guard are permitted to lower their water-pots beyond the pomegranate's gnarled roots into the cool blackness.

RACIAL
-Majority Race: There is no clear majority race, as Farai is a highly-cosmopolitan city and plays host to races from all across the world. Racial unrest is relatively subdued in Farai, as King Nerej welcomes just about anyone willing to spend their money at Farai. The population's makeup is therefore quite diverse in terms of culture and ethnicity. There are a handful of exceptions to the policy of openness: Ghul are strictly unwelcome in Farai due to their reputation as troublemakers.

NATIONAL DRAMATIS PERSONAE
-Head of State/Monarch: King Nerej
-Ruling Dynasty: Dynasty of Chakul
-Chieftan of the Guard: Rhuk, son of Panar, son of Ushkuk before him
-Persons of interest:
* Raiza - the eldest of King Nerej's two legitimate children. She is twelve years old, and is fast approaching marriageable age. She appreciates the finer things in life - which she finds in abundance as Princess of Farai.
* Ismal - The ten-year old son of King Nerej and heir to Farai. He detests the courtier's life that Raiza seems to enjoy, but instead lives for adventure and excitement. He has a knack for getting into trouble.
* Kali - The eleven-year old daughter of the King's ferrier. She is a commoner's child, but she and Prince Ismal get along famously. Rhuk has given his guards strict orders to keep a careful watch when the two are together.
(More characters will be added as plots develop)

CULTURAL
-History: Farai has been inhabited for a very long time. The oasis around which Farai is built has made the location very choice land for settlement, for the Western Erg stretches all around for hundreds of leagues. Scholars estimate that the Font was likely discovered about 1,500 years ago, when caravans began using the Teeth to guide their way out of the trackless desert to fledgling cities and trade hubs. The settlement became a trade center itself before very long, as 1,100 year-old coins dating back to the Akarrid Empire have been unearthed up during building projects.

Farai's modern history, however, begins 400 years ago, when the native Marajun tribe under the leadership of Chakul besieged the settlement and conquered it from a house of foreign rulers. Under the leadership of Chakul and his sons, Farai transitioned from a caravan waystation to a trade destination in its own right. King Chakul and King Jakand were notably shrewd rulers, and King Nerej seems poised to continue the legacy of capable leaders.

RELIGION, MAGIC and ARCHEO-TECH
-State Religion: King Nerej does not appear to have any religious preference and does not enforce any religion upon the people of Farai. All faiths are welcome so long as their rites "manifest no evil magics or imperil free men or their property".
-Archeo-Tech: A hundred years ago, a waterboy drew a heavy vase of water from the depths of the Font. Its weight was too much for child to heft out of the waters below, and so the container sank to the very depths of the well. It took a guard to help the boy retrieve the laden. When the guard retrieved the container, a shimmer of blue light at the bottom of the container drew his eye. Half-buried in sand scooped from the bottom of the Font was a fist-sized cube of Godsteel - the fabled blue-gray metal found in abundance in the ancient ruins. On each of its six faces was a window of black glass looking into an empty void. And from within that darkness, flashes of blue light manifested for a brief moment before disappearing into the blackness.

The artifact was brought before then-King Jakand, who consulted with his courtiers and advisers to know the secrets of this curious relic. He invited foreign scholars from thousands of miles away to study the device. Archaeologians from across Azoth were fascinated by the relic, but could not agree as to what it was or divine its purpose. Disappointed by their inconclusive studies, Jakand and his descendants came to regard the relic from the Font as little more than an ancient curiosity.

MILITARY
-Total Military Size: 2,500 professional guards keep order in the city and stave off the numerous external threats. But to conduct operations beyond Farai's walls, the King must rely upon the sandpeople and mercenaries.
@gorgenmast
Accepted.

Will be interesting to see where you're going with this.


Good. I've got high hopes for it too. Look for an IC post tomorrowish.
Reposting here in case it was missed.

Ship:

Name: Sova
Origin: Novolazarevskaya Cosmodrome
Description:

"Let your plans be dark and impenetrable as night, and when you move, fall like a thunderbolt."
- Sun Tzu

The Sova was built with a single consideration in mind: stealth. According to the United Front's registration on the vessel, the Sova is a corvette-class vessel, but it bears only limited resemblance to the standard corvette - or any other starship. The Sova's exterior is composed of an anti-ablative composite; a space-age material with a crystalline structure that scatters and absorbs low-energy EM radiation that passes through it. Its geometric, angular surfaces also serve to deflect incoming energy. The Sova is therefore very difficult to detect without knowing precisely where to look. Gimbal-controlling flaps on the two main thruster pods and lift thrusters also serve as EM-dampeners. These high-output engines make the Sova as fast as it is stealthy.

The high stealth and speed come at a cost, however. Its low mass makes for a nimble starship, but denies it powerful weaponry. The Sova is only lightly armed with 20 Atlatl torpedo missiles, of which five can carry nuclear warheads. A nuclear missile may seem like a potent weapon in space combat to the layman, but such weapons are easily intercepted at long range and are obviously unsuitable for close range combat. The Sova must carefully select its targets and destroy them quickly with expert precision because it will not survive the retaliatory blow. While this makes the Sova entirely unsuitable to participate in starship-to-starship duels or set-piece naval engagements, such missions do not fall within the purview of the Sova's role.

The Sova is primarily a spy ship, and its missions are typically oriented to furnishing sensitive information for the United Front government on Earth. While the majority of its missions are low-key affairs, the Sova has the capacity to conduct covert military operations. It is capable of atmospheric flight in pressures as high as 3.4 atm, and it can carry a single stealth dropship within its hold. Hypothetically, the Sova would serve as an ideal platform for deploying personnel to hostile territory. When a smuggling outfit operating from a pirate base in the asteroid fields around Inne's Star was massacred from within several months ago, suspicion arose that the United Federation had used a vessel not unlike the Sova to conduct an interdiction. However, according to documents provided by the United Front, the Sova has been mothballed many years ago as were the majority of corvette-class vessels; invalidating the possibility of United Front involvement in the incident.

Ship:

Name: Sova
Origin: Novolazarevskaya Cosmodrome
Description:

"Let your plans be dark and impenetrable as night, and when you move, fall like a thunderbolt."
- Sun Tzu

The Sova was built with a single consideration in mind: stealth. According to the United Front's registration on the vessel, the Sova is a corvette-class vessel, but it bears only limited resemblance to the standard corvette - or any other starship. The Sova's exterior is composed of an anti-ablative composite; a space-age material with a crystalline structure that scatters and absorbs low-energy EM radiation that passes through it. Its geometric, angular surfaces also serve to deflect incoming energy. The Sova is therefore very difficult to detect without knowing precisely where to look. Gimbal-controlling flaps on the two main thruster pods and lift thrusters also serve as EM-dampeners. These high-output engines make the Sova as fast as it is stealthy.

The high stealth and speed come at a cost, however. Its low mass makes for a nimble starship, but denies it powerful weaponry. The Sova is only lightly armed with 20 Atlatl torpedo missiles, of which five can carry nuclear warheads. A nuclear missile may seem like a potent weapon in space combat to the layman, but such weapons are easily intercepted at long range and are obviously unsuitable for close range combat. The Sova must carefully select its targets and destroy them quickly with expert precision because it will not survive the retaliatory blow. While this makes the Sova entirely unsuitable to participate in starship-to-starship duels or set-piece naval engagements, such missions do not fall within the purview of the Sova's role.

The Sova is primarily a spy ship, and its missions are typically oriented to furnishing sensitive information for the United Front government on Earth. While the majority of its missions are low-key affairs, the Sova has the capacity to conduct covert military operations. It is capable of atmospheric flight in pressures as high as 3.4 atm, and it can carry a single stealth dropship within its hold. Hypothetically, the Sova would serve as an ideal platform for deploying personnel to hostile territory. When a smuggling outfit operating from a pirate base in the asteroid fields around Inne's Star was massacred from within several months ago, suspicion arose that the United Federation had used a vessel not unlike the Sova to conduct an interdiction. However, according to documents provided by the United Front, the Sova has been mothballed many years ago as were the majority of corvette-class vessels; invalidating the possibility of United Front involvement in the incident.

I also just noticed that PoW had the "anime/manga" tag.


I added that back in November and I've been waiting to see how long it would take anyone to say something about it.
Posted at the actual last-minute, but I made it in time for Precipipheny.
La Cabeza, Spanish Morocco

Merciful night fell upon the painted wastelands that composed the jagged fringe of the Sahara. Sierras of marbled yellow-brown sandstone eclipsed the descending sun, casting their long and wicked shadows across orange dune fields between the mountains. The cool silhouette of a ridge to the East rose up the craggy facets of a giant mesa situated betwixt the mountains and ridges - the mass of stone the Spanish colonizers had named La Cabeza. And in the shadows of this mighty head, Julio Zuraban made his move.

Julio, clad in one of the spare fatigues recovered from the commandeered gunship they had arrived in, drew no suspicion when he went to fetch one of the flatbed cargo buggy beneath a parking awning nearby. Five such vehicles were neatly parked underneath a roof of corrugated aluminum, sheltered from the sun and wind-driven sand. Julio selected one buggy with a number of large wooden crates and pallets strewn about the bed, and was thankful indeed to find a set of keys laying on the driver's seat. Armenian fighters had shown Julio how to hotwire vehicles during his years in self-exile as a war correspondent; but the first time he attempted it without the guidance of those crack guerrillas was what had gotten Julio into this mess in the first place. He turned the key over and breathed a sigh of relief as the buggy started without issue.

The senator-in-exile returned to the helipad and parked alongside the stolen Barracuda, its rotors still winding down from flight. Graciela, Joaquin, and the other Spaniards leapt out of the chopper and set about prying open the crates and removing their contents so that a handful of armed stowaways could hide within the crates.

"Hurry," Dejene commanded as he peered out cautiously from within the helicopter. "I have no doubt that our arrival here was noticed by air traffic control. I would not be surprised if they have sent someone to investigate why we almost had a collision with one of those airplanes." The Ethiopian's eyes darted all around, ensuring that they had not drawn any attention. If the forces in command of La Cabeza saw the African, the cover for their rescue mission would certainly be blown, and so Dejene took every precaution to keep himself out of sight of passing vehicles.

Graciela dug fistfuls of wadding material out of the largest crate while Joaquin and another Spanish collaborator whose name Julio had not yet committed to memory hefted he crate's contents - a large pump mechanism - into the Barracuda and out of sight. With the large crate empty, Dejene crawled inside with three commandeered assault rifles in his arms while Graciela replaced the top behind him.

"Cozy in there?" she teased.

"Don't worry about me," the humorless Ethiopian commando's muffled voice replied, "so long as no one saw me, all is well."

Soon thereafter, the other Spanish collaborators found cramped hiding spots nestled within large crates just as Dejene had. Graciela spent a few moments ensuring the contents of the buggy's bed did not look suspicious before taking the front seat beside Julio while Joaquin took one of the back seats.

"Everyone comfortable?" Graciela asked. A chorus of disembodied 'no's grumbled from within the crates.

"That's unfortunate, but you must be still and quiet anyway. We're in the viper's pit now, and if we attract attention at the wrong moment, it'll be the end of us."

"Now that makes me feel comfortable." Joaquin added snarkily.

"Consider it motivation to not botch this thing." Graciela responded. "Let's not waste any more time, get us in there, Julio." With that, Julio eased off the helipad and onto a gravel driveway before falling in behind a string of tanker trucks that rumbled past while merging onto a paved road that looped around the base of the mesa.

Stretching beyond the right shoulder of the road, the cool shadows of the mountains were settling quickly over the land. The brightest of the twilight stars came out of hiding now that the sun had departed the sky. Julio was glad for the cover of night; he hoped that the suspicious eyes of La Cabeza's security forces would miss unusual things about him and his companions that would give them pause in broad daylight. And beyond this expansive facility, in the deserts and shadowy ranges to the northeast, Julio knew that the Amghar and his rebel army of Tuaregs moved now against the facility as well.

The indigenous Tuareg of North Africa had been dealt more than their fair share of misfortune at the hands of the Spanish who had come to rule their land. For a decade, Spanish oil companies incited tribal warfare among the various Bedouin tribes of the region to distract them from the prospectors and exploratory oil wells spreading across the deserts. When Spanish oil interests found themselves dissatisfied with the results of engineered fratricide, they elicited mercenaries and soldiers to quietly dispose of the bothersome Saracens - but apparently not quietly enough to keep the Ethiopian spy network from noticing. Sensing a potential to incite unrest in North Africa, the Ethiopians had been sending agent-provocateurs like Dejene to advise and arm the indigenous populations for some time. Dejene himself had been in the region long enough to sense something remarkably nefarious was at work when Spanish forces began capturing the remaining Bedouin and transporting them to La Cabeza instead of simply dispatching them. Those Tuareg under the command of the Amghar, fueled by vengeance and armed with the most dangerous weaponry the Ethiopians could smuggle through the unguarded Saharan frontier, would do bloody work tonight.

But it would never be enough.

Julio happened to glance up the sheer face of the mesa. Red sandstone rose hundreds of feet into a sky pocked with dim twilight stars. Nestled within fissures in the stone, Julio saw the tri-barreled cannon batteries aiming out across the basin. Even from such distance and height, their size was manifest. If La Cabeza were an island and the surrounding desert a sea, these guns could sink an invading fleet with ease. What could a handful of disguised fighters with little combat experience and a few hundred nomads armed with mismatched hand-me-down weapons hope to do against firepower of that magnitude?

A month ago, Julio might have balked at such terrifying odds, but not tonight. As a senator, Julio had earned Alfonso Sotelo's wrath by opposing the Prime Minister's yes-men in the Spanish Senate. Fabricated claims of Julio's communist leanings forced him to leave the nation in self-exile. He had spent the past three years trying to evade capture and death, running away from the Sotelo until he could run no more. He had been disgraced, beaten, and interrogated at Sotelo's whim. After all of it, part of him wanted to run farther still from Sotelo's reach. But tonight, he had realized fate had granted him the opportunity to exact some tiny revenge for the misdeeds brought upon him and his countrymen. Julio resigned himself to a bloody death tonight, finding comfort in the fact he would take some of his would-be tormentors with him.

The convoy of tank trucks ahead of them slowed to a halt, a pressurized hiss from the brakes sounded from underneath the nondescript tanker in front of their buggy. Nondescript was an understatement - the entire truck had been painted enamel white. There were no identifying marks of any kind on the vehicle, blinking caution lights bathed the rear of the truck in intermittent pink light as it crept forward bit by bit. Graciela craned her head out beyond the buggy to see what had caused traffic to halt.

"What's going on up ahead?" asked Joaquin.

"I think we've found our entrance into the actual facility. But there's some sort of gate or checkpoint first, and they're inspecting everyone going in."

"Shit." Joaquin groaned.

Julio leaned out on his side and saw a line of tanker trucks idling as they waited for instruction from armed soldiers to proceed. Harsh fluorescent light beamed down on a checkpoint straddling a double-perimeter of chainlink fencing crowned in razorwire surrounding a tunnel leading inside the mountain. On a pad of concrete positioned before the gatehouse, Julio could see a flatbed-style truck carrying six or eight yellow forklifts nearly-mummified in ratchet straps. A soldier led a lithe, attentive Doberman on a short leash around the truck, allowing it time to sniff around the vehicle.

Julio swallowed a gulp as he gathered himself back in his seat. Another stint of self-exile suddenly seemed like an attractive option.

"There is no way we are getting through that," Julio affirmed.

"Then what the Hell do we do?" asked Joaquin.

"I only see four guards manning the checkpoint," Graciela noted. "If we kill them, gun it down that tunnel..."

"What about that blast door?" Joaquin pointed out a massive slab of concrete suspended above the roof of the tunnel into the mesa. "First sign of trouble, they're going to close that door down on us. If that happens, we're stuck between every Ejercito soldier in North Africa a hard-ass place."

Despite the inspections, the vehicles ahead were filtering through with surprising speed. As the truck directly ahead of theirs was beckoned forward, Graciela decided a contingency plan would be necessary.

"If you hear two stamps, like this..." Graciela loudly stamped her boots against the metal floorboard in quick succession, "then our cover is blown and we'll have to go in with guns blazing." Graciela explained to the stowaways hidden behind her in the crates.

"Understood." Dejene's voice came from within his pinewood sarcophagus.

After a few short minutes, the truck ahead of them was cleared to pass into the bowels of La Cabeza, and Julio's cargo buggy was beckoned forward. He gulped and eased slowly into the inspection area, into the focus of the fluorescent mast lamps, and stopped when a stoic-faced soldier armed with an assault rifle extended his open palm and signaled for him to stop.

Once Julio had brought the vehicle to a stop, the soldier approached the back of the buggy. He gave a bored look to the haphazardly placed crates in the bed and made his way to Julio. "I'll need the manifest for all these items," the guard stated, drawing a circle around the crates with a finger.

"Ah yes... the manifest. Right, of course," Julio stalled as he dug between the seats desperately for any sheet of paper that might be the one the guarded wanted.

"You either have it or you don't. Where is it?"

Before the guard could call over the dog's handler, another soldier emerged from the gatehouse, this one armed with a clipboard and pen rather than a FE-74.

"Excuse me, ma'am." The new soldier said to Graciela. "You are Capitana Sandoval, correct? Here for the audit process?"

Captain Sandoval? Audit? Julio's instinctual reaction was to express that he knew nothing about these things, but Graciela knew to take advantage of this most unlikely reprieve.

"I am her." Graciela lied without a moment's hesitation.

"My apologies, Captain. I didn't mean to delay you. I understand you're already running late." The new soldier turned to the guard busy accosting Julio about the manifest documents. "Let them through, they're here for the audit."

"Hell, why didn't you say so?" the armed soldier asked, suddenly becoming almost friendly with with Julio. "Go ahead it's fine. We don't need to be holding Dr. Guijon up any longer."

Not about the question the circumstances by which they had avoided the vehicle inspection, Julio drove through the perimeter fence as quickly as he could without drawing suspicion. As their buggy passed through into the cavernous tunnel leading downward into the the earth beneath La Cabeza, Joaquin spoke up once they were out of earshot of any soldiers.

"How the Hell did you know what they were talking about?"

"I don't." Graciela admitted. "They mistook me for someone else, but I'm glad they did because we came very close to being found out. Now, we need to make our way somewhere secluded, get out, and find out where they've taken the prisoners.

"I disagree," Julio asserted. "The prisoners can wait. But from the way those soldiers let us through without a second thought, Dr. Guijon can't. We need to see what he wants from us and find out what he knows about this place."
Reviewed and accepted! Please mark your NSes accordingly.

thank u, lub u

As to the Sacking of Almata, who sees themselves as having potentially been there? I do, for one.

I do.
<Snipped quote by Durandal>

Considering this is the capital we're talking about, It'd probably take a coalition to take it down. Multiple pretenders could have been involved, and once the smoke settles, they would probably turn on each other over who gets to be emperor.

Or at least I think that would be the coolest way to go about it.


Agreed.

I have no set idea about the Sacking in mind, I am open to anyone's factions or combination of factions being responsible for the Sack. Someone could even be holding the Emperor hostage or have killed him. You folks are free to work it out.


My first posts are flashbacks and deal largely with the invasion of Almata and the fate of the Emperor. I would like to reach out to anyone who would like to establish what went down during the attack on the capital.
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