The chill of the night was the same as ever, keeping the snow on the ground for a little longer. The candle lights that floated around in the courtyard flickered quietly, giving the area a sense of calmness. The air was crisp and the night sky was filled with stars, illuminating the sky along with the moon. The only thing Lilie heard was the clicking of her own heels against the exposed cobblestone, the soft wind causing her to huddle her beige coat around her.
It seemed a little callous, but Lilie wanted to be alone for a little bit. Everything was feeling a little more overwhelming than usual and she always felt being outdoors helped calm her nerves a little. Of course, it was usually nicer outside, but for now, she didn’t really mind the cold as much. It felt nice as it bit at her cheeks, her chin huddled into the fur collar as she tried to brace herself against the cold. For once, she was actually okay with wearing a long skirt, even if she still felt like they were too heavy for her.
It was hard not to think back on the argument she had with her count. She had been actively avoiding him and he didn’t try to talk to her aside from earlier. He thought it’d be nice if they did something together, but she lied and said she already had plans. Not that she needed to--she was a bad liar and just didn’t want to. Their conversation had replayed in her head a hundred times, Kanalie’s invitation looking more and more enticing. Still, there was a very real possibility that even that wouldn’t change things, that she’d be small and weak and powerless no matter what she did.
Arriving at the fountain, she was pleased to see the candle lights floating above the ice. One bobbled as she poked it but it returned to its rightful place. She wondered if people anticipated others touching it, but she was still amazed by it. As she walked, she paused for a moment as she realized the snow was starting to fall down, adding a gentle touch to the scenery. Taking a seat at the fountain, she stared at the candles under the pagodas, letting herself get lost in thought.
Moon’s Mirror at the Academy was surreal. Maybe it was just an extension of every other strange experience he’d had since his world was turned upside-down, but for Aaron, it felt like no other Mirror he’d ever experienced. The campus was superbly outfitted, with a veritable maze of ice walls and sculptures reflecting twinkling candles like stars in the night sky, at once hiding and exposing couples and friends reminiscing on the year gone past; it was quiet, serene, and elegantly fitting for the spirit of the occasion. But for Aaron, having spent every other winter holiday surrounded only by family and close friends behind the walls of Noila Castle, sharing such an intimate occasion with the Academy at large felt… lonely.
It was strange how that worked.
Still, he tried not to mind it too much. He’d be going home tomorrow to spend the rest of the holiday with his family, and Varis had even allowed him to decorate the dorm a little bit before kicking him out for the night. Aaron wasn’t about to argue with a mandatory night off, but there still remained the issue of what to do with it: normally he’d take to the infirmary for a few precious hours of sleep, but instead, he found himself wandering around campus, taking in the sights with a misplaced sense of melancholy nagging at him. It must have been homesickness; with everyone he knew here either moody, insufferable, or otherwise engaged, there was no one he was particularly eager to spend time with.
Well, there was one, but with her vampire a member of the holiday’s patron family, she probably had something better to do.
He had considered texting Lilie about twenty times that night, but each time he lost his nerve. What if she got the wrong idea? What if
Count Benjamin got the wrong idea? After all, men didn’t seek out women on Moon’s Mirror for any purpose either of their masters would approve of. He’d been revisiting her kiss on his cheek for the past two weeks since it happened, near-certain that it meant what he thought it meant, but what if he was wrong? Not to mention Varis would rightfully have his head for even
considering such a thing. But if it helped him get through the night, was it so wrong to hope?
Maybe, if he ever tried to make that fantasy a reality.
Aaron paused in his wandering to admire the fountain in the library courtyard, shaking his head at his own foolishness. Maybe that was why he felt such a nagging tug in his chest: he
did want to spend the holiday with someone, but she was far, far out of reach. He’d be better off heading for a nap at the infirmary like he should have done than wandering around like this, tormenting himself.
He cast a look around the courtyard before leaving. Ryner had done a great job with it, erecting pagodas where the tables had been, bathing the area in the soft orange glow of floating candles. A couple here and there lounged under the pagoda lights, lost in their own little worlds; it was a picture worthy of a postcard. But as he rounded the fountain for a better look, something much prettier caught his eye: a flash of white bundled up in beige, sitting on the ledge of the fountain all alone.
Aaron’s heart leapt in his chest, but he froze. He should just walk away, he shouldn’t get into this. With all the rumours that already circulated about him, he didn’t want to risk his or Lilie’s reputation on the chance that someone might see them together, on a romantic holiday meant for reflecting on relationships, and get the wrong idea.
… But he couldn’t just leave her
alone on Moon’s Mirror, could he?
The decision was a little
too easy to make, but once it was made, there was no going back; taking a deep breath, Aaron approached Lilie’s side of the fountain, leaning down into her field of view, and smiled.
“What’s someone like you doing here all alone?”At the sound of Aaron’s voice, Lilie was brought out of her thoughts and back to reality, eyes widening as she looked at him. There wasn’t any stopping her warm smile, though she couldn’t help but laugh just a little bit. What did he mean ‘someone like her’? Well, she usually
was always with someone one way or another unless she was studying, so maybe it came off as weird to him.
Still, she’d be lying if she said she wasn’t happy to see him.
“It’s a time of reflection, after all, so I’m...reflecting,” She told him, wondering if it came off as lame. But it was the truth, and there wasn’t any shame in that. Her smile fell a touch as she returned her gaze to the ground.
“It’s...definitely been a year to reflect on.”Aaron’s spirits fell a touch when he noticed the air of gloom that settled over Lilie. His first thought was that she might be homesick too - if starting off the holiday at school was weird for him, he could only imagine how foreign this was for her - but her words made him think something else was weighing on her mind. At least this time, it sounded like something he could empathize with, even if he was sure their experiences were night and day.
“It certainly has,” he agreed, putting his hands in the pockets of his black wool coat. After a second’s hesitation, he sat down next to her on the fountain’s edge, offering Lilie a gentle smile.
“Still, it’s not Moon’s Mirror without company.”Lilie watched Aaron as he chose to sit down next to her, smile returning in full--with an added skip of the heart to boot.
“You’re right,” She agreed wholeheartedly. Without giving it much thought she scooted a little closer to him, happy to have him with her. He always had a way of lifting her spirits whenever she felt low, and if she was being honest, she really,
really liked the idea of having him with her right now.
It was really the perfect moment, wasn’t it? The candlelight, the mood of the area, and it was just the two of them. It gave her a quiet happiness, a nice warmth settling in her chest as she tried to steady her heart. But as much as she enjoyed the quiet, she needed to say something, right?
“I’m glad you’re here,” She ended up admitting, placing her hands on her knees. “I don’t mean just right now--well, I
am glad you’re here now, of course! I just mean…” She trailed off, scratching her cheek as she tried to find the words that wouldn’t come off as weird or inappropriate.
Thinking back, she figured Aaron was long overdue for at least one thing.
“I don’t know if you remember, but back at the Revel I mentioned that when I came here, it felt like I was dropped in a dark cage and you were my flashlight,” Lilie decided to start over, pulling out her words from a memory.
“Thinking back on it, that was kind of an understatement. My Awakening made so many things harder at home, and coming here didn’t really--well, it was hard. Really hard. I really thought I wasn’t going to make it through the first day, let alone come this far. I know that seems silly since it’s only been a few months, but…”As she looked down at her hands, she realized she was shaking. Taking in a breath to steady herself, she looked back at Aaron.
“But you were my flashlight. And without you, I don’t think I would’ve been able to be so comfortable here. I mean, I’m still learning, but you made things...you made me look forward to the day. Um, night, sorry, I don’t think I’m ever gonna get used to switching up my words!” Lilie couldn’t help but laugh at herself.
Aaron chuckled along with Lilie, if only to try and loosen the growing lump in his throat. Her words meant more to him than he could express, but he still felt they were undeserved: Like so many other things in his life, he felt like he couldn’t possibly have done enough to deserve such praise. He what, copied some notes for her in Treaty Law? Helped her make sense of noble etiquette from time to time? Even comforting her after a row with her Count seemed so miniscule a favour in comparison to all she’d done for him. Hell, there weren’t even enough hours in the night for him to see her outside of class more than a few times a week, and here she was singing his praises. He’d feel like a fraud if he wasn’t so moved by the sheer sincerity in her voice.
“Oh, come on, you’re exaggerating,” he tried to recover, grinning like a brutally self-conscious idiot down at his feet. Really, if anyone between the two of them was a light at the end of a tunnel, it was Lilie; she had a way of turning his night around just by existing, sitting next to him in class with those ridiculous fuzzy pens of hers bobbing and weaving over the page, or a smile and a wave across the dining hall, even a cloth napkin full of cookies in the mailbox as a thank-you for her notes. She’d turned one of the scariest nights of his life into one of the best with a simple kiss on the cheek, and all apparently without even realizing it.
But there was no way he could ever put all that into words.
“I think you sell yourself short,” Aaron said after a long pause, a little more serious now.
“You’re talking like you would have crumbled to dust if I wasn’t here to help you, but I have no doubt you’d flourish just fine with or without me. I mean…” He wanted to tell her how the challenges she’d overcome seemed insurmountable, how he and everyone around her could see the wellspring of potential she possessed, how she shrugged off the equivalent of moving to another planet like it was little more than a speedbump, but he couldn’t find the words. Instead, he thought of a memory, and caught Lilie’s eyes.
“You can move oceans, Lil. In every sense.” Of course, as quickly as he’d looked at her, he looked away again, as if there was something somewhere in the courtyard that might quell the butterflies in his stomach. He couldn’t very well leave things there after all she’d said in his favour, but she was so close, and the night was so calm, and everything was so perfect; he could barely string a sentence together on a good night, and he’d be loath to spoil everything with a misplaced word.
But there was one thing that he
could say, and he forced himself to look at her when he said it.
“I’m glad you’re here too. You’re the best thing about this place.” Aaron had so much confidence in her that it genuinely left Lilie speechless. What could she even say to that? There were a few things that came to mind but they all didn’t feel like enough. She did wish he would believe in himself a little more, but she supposed there wasn’t much she could say to change his mind. Well, she could think of a few things, but he’d probably dismiss it.
Still, even if she had found something to say, it would’ve gotten caught in her throat with his next words. Lilie couldn’t really look away from him, even as bashful as it made her feel. Did he really think that? There were plenty of other things here that were better than her. But as selfish as it sounded, she secretly liked that he really thought so.
The blush on her face spread like wildfire as she shook her head and couldn’t control her own grin. Ah, she probably looked like a doofus, didn’t she? It was exceedingly difficult to look him in the eye, her hand covering her mouth in some attempt to maintain her dignity. But she couldn’t really hide how happy it made her feel and she’d be lying if she said she didn’t like it.
“I feel like you stole what I wanted to say about you!” She giggled, nudging him a little as she finally remembered that she shouldn’t just stare at him in awe.
“I’m really, really happy that you think that, though. If I can repay you back for your kindness in any way, even if it’s just hanging out or getting to spend time with you, then…”Then what? Then they could get closer? That was what she wanted, yeah, and his words were sweet, but it felt so delicate that if she said the wrong thing it could end up ruining everything. Maybe she was taking them the wrong way? But it’d be so nice if it meant more, right?
As the thought crossed her mind, she tried to control her face, knowing it was probably getting redder by the second.
“Then I’d do anything for you,” She blurted it out, her eyes focused on her knees.
“And...I just really like being with you.”Aaron felt his ears get hot at that remark, his insides all aflutter that Lilie seemed just as eager as he was. It played on something deep down, something old and primal and largely undisturbed, to think that a woman like Lilie valued his company as much as he valued hers. But, at the same time, a streak of guilt tainted his delight, and he’d be remiss to let this moment go by without addressing it.
“I like being with you too,” he told her, his smile turning a little sad.
“I’m… I’m sorry I can’t be around more. Here you are singing my praises and half the time I’m too busy to even sit down and chat like this. I just…” Aaron trailed off for a moment. It was weird and uncomfortable to open up like this, but he had a very dangerous feeling that Lilie might reciprocate what he’d been feeling about her since the night they met, and it would kill him to think that she thought so highly of him when so often, he couldn’t even give her the time of day. He let out a long breath, shrugging.
“I’m glad I’m only one of many, because you deserve people who can drop everything for you.” “Aaron…” Lilie was so touched that he felt so bad about it. She wished he wouldn’t feel so bad--she wasn’t really someone worth dropping everything for--but it was hard to deny how much she felt her heart soar after hearing that. There were a lot of things she could say but none of them really felt right. Nothing she could say really felt like it was enough, either.
Her hand reached out and touched his, giving it a gentle squeeze as she smiled at him.
“I’m just happy to have you here with me now,” She told him.
Aaron’s head snapped up when he felt Lilie’s hand on his, and once more he was thankful for the relative dark when he felt his flush spreading to his cheekbones. It wasn’t the first time she’d taken his hand - in fact, she was even more insistent at Revel - but this felt different. It wasn’t a friendly touch, or a gesture of sympathy, or a half-drunk attempt to pull him down a beach. It was something else, something that made his heart run a mile a minute, and that
smile of hers wasn’t helping, either.
“Me too,” he breathed. Something overwhelming welled up in him like a gathering wave, and for a second he sat there, transfixed, like a deer in headlights under Lilie’s gaze. He shouldn’t. He
couldn’t. This was a bad idea for all involved; it was forbidden, they’d get in a mountain of trouble, someone could walk by and see--many of his same concerns when he first sat down ran through his mind at a record pace, but at the moment, none of them seemed particularly moving. What moved him instead was the way Lilie looked at him, the touch of her skin, the sound of her voice saying she wanted to be near him, the way the candlelight on her skin and hair made her shine like a star in the darkness. What moved his free hand to her face was a desperate and long-denied desire for one single thing in his forsaken life that he could call his. He really couldn’t justify it; it was stupid, it was risky, and there was nothing else in the world he wanted quite as badly.
So he pulled Lilie closer, and he kissed her.
Lilie had no idea why two little words suddenly threw her heart into overdrive, but maybe it was less what he said and more how he looked at her. It wasn’t something that he normally did, but it was hard to look away. Should she say something? Was now the time?! Could she make up for that fiasco at the party?! But it was too sudden, wasn’t it? Every single one of her thoughts, however, dissipated into the cold as he pulled her closer. And before she could properly digest being so close, before she could take a second to lose herself in sight of those cerulean eyes, he kissed her.
He
kissed her! He was kissing her! Every thought in her brain promptly exploded with shock and glee and uncertainty and a weird satisfaction, confusing and delighting her all at once. Her eyes fluttered shut as she moved closer, savoring the moment the best she could. The free hand she had rested on his coat, pulling him in a little more, as if wanting to be as close to him as she possibly could.
For all his boldness, Aaron was still surprised and ecstatic that Lilie didn’t pull away. Very few times in his life had his heart ever soared so high, and his magic soared with it, brightening every candle in their vicinity - and Aaron wasn’t about to let that feeling go without a fight. He pulled her ever closer, his former gentleness giving way to a deeper need; his other hand found its way to the nape of Lilie’s neck, fingers weaving blindly through her hair as if to remind himself that she really was there with him. Sure, his kiss was clumsy, it may have lacked the experience and grace of everything else he did, but it was passionate, and it was real, and in that moment, that was all that mattered. Everything but Lilie melted away; there was no Academy, there was no Varis, there was no family name to live up to. Just for a moment, on the edge of that fountain under the stars, he was free.
Neziul
MaeB
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Altered Tundra
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Achronum
