>Have a nap.
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- Old Guild Username: mbl
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new leg today. I AM TERMINATOR REBORN
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With work underway on the console and the Engineering room secured, Vannin found himself out of a job. The squad had all the doors covered and Keller was a fish out of water when it came to slicing, so he and a lucky handful of others were left task-free, or nearly so. He tapped a few shoulders and set people to work clearing imp bodies away from the only good cover in the room -- wasn't much work, but anything they could do to fortify would be important if a counter-attack came. Or totally pointless, if it didn't. Either way it kept the mind occupied and that was as good a reason as any. He joked derisively about the dead imps as he moved them -- this one looked like he messed his pants, that one forgot to shave, how's your day going, Stormy?
The mission brief went into a lot of technical mumbo-jumbo that the corporal couldn't quite recall with his hands full of corpse, but the gist of it was, Engineering controlled all the backup systems on the ship, like a second bridge. Someone was supposed to reroute something to somewhere, and that would give them control of all the internal systems -- comms, life support, lavatories, and that sort of thing. In case the bridge got blown up or stormed, the engineers could keep everything running from here. What the rebels could do from here, though.... well, damage, he guessed. All that was a little over Vannin's head. What mattered was take it, hold it, and when the job here is done, move on. And not a lot of time to piss around.
"Movement," someone called softly. Vannin followed the voice and put himself behind something bulky. Lights moving in the access shaft, from the direction of the bridge. Had to be a security team, coming to reclaim the systems, and less than thirty seconds from contact. Vannin wrapped his weapon sling tightly around his forearm. Finally his blood was pumping the right way.
"Those bastards just came down the wrong corridor," he said, half-whispering, half-growling, tucking up tight into his covered firing position. "Light 'em up."
The imps came down the hall, moving a lot like the Liberators had done themselves -- using the bulkheads for cover, guns at the ready. They even had two at the point, leap-frogging their way just like Vannin and Besk. The corporal aimed for those two first. In the barrage of fire from damn near everybody, Vannin chose to believe that he'd gotten both of the front men -- there was no way to know for sure, but he believed it, and a grin played slowly across his face as he held his position, pouring fire into the advancing imperial unit.
The mission brief went into a lot of technical mumbo-jumbo that the corporal couldn't quite recall with his hands full of corpse, but the gist of it was, Engineering controlled all the backup systems on the ship, like a second bridge. Someone was supposed to reroute something to somewhere, and that would give them control of all the internal systems -- comms, life support, lavatories, and that sort of thing. In case the bridge got blown up or stormed, the engineers could keep everything running from here. What the rebels could do from here, though.... well, damage, he guessed. All that was a little over Vannin's head. What mattered was take it, hold it, and when the job here is done, move on. And not a lot of time to piss around.
"Movement," someone called softly. Vannin followed the voice and put himself behind something bulky. Lights moving in the access shaft, from the direction of the bridge. Had to be a security team, coming to reclaim the systems, and less than thirty seconds from contact. Vannin wrapped his weapon sling tightly around his forearm. Finally his blood was pumping the right way.
"Those bastards just came down the wrong corridor," he said, half-whispering, half-growling, tucking up tight into his covered firing position. "Light 'em up."
The imps came down the hall, moving a lot like the Liberators had done themselves -- using the bulkheads for cover, guns at the ready. They even had two at the point, leap-frogging their way just like Vannin and Besk. The corporal aimed for those two first. In the barrage of fire from damn near everybody, Vannin chose to believe that he'd gotten both of the front men -- there was no way to know for sure, but he believed it, and a grin played slowly across his face as he held his position, pouring fire into the advancing imperial unit.
I think until midnight on Sunday. @platinumskink
same sort of 'at midnight' policy as we used for the entries. As in, results monday morning for me (or whoever), at whatever time that happens, so get it done by midnight your time or you risk missing the window.
<Snipped quote by ActRaiserTheReturned>
What type of fights you getting in where somebody has access to your taint?
you fight with clothes on? Werid.....
whew, finished RPGC business. I'll do something tonight, after I unwind a little -- my brain is dead atm.
I'm not 100% positive if I'm allowed to vote or not, but just for the record Conquer All would be my pick.
and now that I have a minute, recapturing some of the discussions you guys tried to start:
The one I quoted about cookie monster probably wasn't the best example, I'll admit. What I meant to be driving at was, there's a limit to how much description is needed to get the point across -- if for instance you'd written "A cookie monster shirt, with three hairs poking out the top of his head, and the caption "Cookies!!" with giant exclamation points in comic-sans font in red lettering with white outlines and he's holding four cookies and three of them already have bites out, and they're chocolate chip, which is Andy's favorite flavor and that's why he likes the shirt." Nobody writes that because that's ridiculous. Nobody writes "Some stupid T-shirt," either, because that communicates almost nothing. Somewhere between those extremes, there's a a balance -- not a 'perfect balance' or a 'correct balance,' or anything like that, but a balance. What I meant to say is, over the whole story, it feels like you tended more towards giving more than was necessary, and maybe a little less would flow better. Truth is though, whatever you decide is enough, that's the only rule that matters. It's just something to think about as you're writing -- as long as your level of detail is a conscious decision, it's never wrong.
hooray, validation! Do finish it.
......huh, I thought there were more. Well this double-post is unnecessary, innit?
@mdk You're correct with the assumption that this story was mainly about the dialogue. I didn't use that MacGuffin deliberately, because I didn't even know about that (so thanks for the link), but if I had known about I probably would have used it deliberately. There is a lack of conflict and change, I know, that was on purpose. I merely wanted to explore the idea of ultimate power and the power of placebo's. I often thought during writing that it was too bad there was no bonus category for writing about power and have absolutely nothing exciting happen whatsoever. I probably would have won that...
Now, about the extraneous thoughts, I kinda understand what you mean by that (after I looked the term up real quick), but I don't understand the relation to the example you presented. If you could elaborate just a bit on that, that would be great. I see how I could have cut it in two sentences and the last comma was probably unneeded, but did that fall under the extraneous thought? Because to me it was simply describing Andy's uncommon attire, which came back during the conversation with Jack. So I don't really get what I did wrong there (aside from what I already mentioned).
I hope it wasn't as much as a comma-infestation as it was with the first labour, because I did try to do better with that this time.
The one I quoted about cookie monster probably wasn't the best example, I'll admit. What I meant to be driving at was, there's a limit to how much description is needed to get the point across -- if for instance you'd written "A cookie monster shirt, with three hairs poking out the top of his head, and the caption "Cookies!!" with giant exclamation points in comic-sans font in red lettering with white outlines and he's holding four cookies and three of them already have bites out, and they're chocolate chip, which is Andy's favorite flavor and that's why he likes the shirt." Nobody writes that because that's ridiculous. Nobody writes "Some stupid T-shirt," either, because that communicates almost nothing. Somewhere between those extremes, there's a a balance -- not a 'perfect balance' or a 'correct balance,' or anything like that, but a balance. What I meant to say is, over the whole story, it feels like you tended more towards giving more than was necessary, and maybe a little less would flow better. Truth is though, whatever you decide is enough, that's the only rule that matters. It's just something to think about as you're writing -- as long as your level of detail is a conscious decision, it's never wrong.
@mdk That review was very nice. We'll have to look it up again when we do start working on finishing Enhanced, as it provided some very good tips.
hooray, validation! Do finish it.
......huh, I thought there were more. Well this double-post is unnecessary, innit?
@Keyguyperson your review is complete, and that should be everyone I think. If anyone wants to talk more about anything I said, I'm down for dialogues -- otherwise we're in the final weekend of voting now, so make sure you've picked your winner. We'll have results for the vote and the bonus winners next week. And TTL, too -- so get those writing hats back on.
>Rub spoon against stone floor/walls to sharpen it into a shiv
>use the spoon to eat the spoon
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