PlatinumSkink

The Twelve Labours: General Discussion

@Psyga315 Oh, that. Lesse. Let me have a go at that.

The Nemean Lion was an 'immortal' lion impervious to harm, just like our favorite characters are to supposedly be so dear to us it would be impossible for us to harm them. The task is, in both cases, to kill the immortal being.

Pretty much. ... Of course, if the creator of this quest of ours didn't have any such intention in mind to link the actual labours with our labours of writing, then it is that simple, that too. He can do whatever he wants to. XD

Fire Emblem: A Blinding Light

@71342 *snicker* Alright, then.

@Harbringer XD I'll take this into account. Looks like you've got this under control. Nicely posted~ Oh, and I will take into account whenever someone mentions attacking with intention to, well, not kill or such. Mention nothing and I'll take that into my own hands.

The Twelve Labours: General Discussion

Funny thing is, this isn't challenging to me at all. I fantasize about my characters' deaths all the time. Still, reading this thread, it is obviously a challenge to some people. Hm. Guess I'll just simply have to look forward to the right challenge to make me shudder, huh? ... Which is even more fun, because killing someone who ISN'T mine would have been a ton more challenging, ESPECIALLY when it had to be my favorite character before I had understood the rules correctly. I physically jolted with a burning feeling of apprehension and fear at that moment, feeling like it was likely I would have to pass on trying to clear the labour. Then it was cleared out and I could only breathe out in relief. Strange, really, how that can be so much easier for me. Haha.

Fire Emblem: A Blinding Light

From what I've understood from PMing people this has been a busy week for many players, but I know they're still there and willing~!

The Twelve Labours: General Discussion

@Terminal ... He's the guy I grew to see as the ultimate protagonist when I was way too young to be able to change any opinion now. I will naturally take offense if you insult him.

In any case, yepp. That should do it.

The Twelve Labours: General Discussion

@TerminalThis part.

The First Labour

The First Labour

This labour will require you to use your favorite character. Think upon their history and experiences, all their accomplishments and failings. Think upon their joys and sorrows - all that makes them special to you, and how their actions, words, and thoughts connect with your own.

When you say "Your favorite character", we don't naturally think our OWN favorite character. We think of the characters we like, which isn't necessarily our own. You could change this to

The First Labour

The First Labour

This labour will require you to use your favorite character of your own creation. Think upon their history and experiences, all their accomplishments and failings. Think upon their joys and sorrows - all that makes them special to you, and how their actions, words, and thoughts connect with your own.

See? Now we think of what we've created ourselves. Right? Maybe?

The Twelve Labours: General Discussion

... Oh, so it was among my own characters I had to kill someone off?

Oh, thank god. That's a million times easier. I thought for a moment I had to write a death scene for Lloyd Irving, my childhood hero. That's a labor I don't think I would ever have been able to complete. Killing my OWN favorite character? ... With absolute pleasure. I could write one where I kill each and every single one of them. In fact, killing my own characters excites me. If I had to kill Lloyd, though? No, that would have broken me. This labor got infinitely easier all of a sudden. Phew.

Now to try to figure out who's my favorite character.

RPGC #1 Conversation Thread

Alright, then. That’s a worthy win. … Well. And good job to everyone else. Now, onto my little reveal.

I was the author of Little Me. I was inspired because the Nightcore version of the song I chose was absolutely awesome. I’d honestly have preferred if the video of the official version didn’t have people talking, but eh, that one’s pretty good too. I figured I could make something out of it. And I did. The result seems to have spawned largely positive reviews but nobody who seems to consider it a winning entry. Lesse. Let’s check out the reviews I got.

PlatinumSkink

Little Me

… Heh. This entry made me smirk. Nicely done. Pretty inspirational song you chose, there, and put an amusing little twist on the contents. The speech did sound a little odd, mostly because you blended in the lyrics into the text, but I see what you were doing so it’s fine. Pretty creative. … Really, that is all I have to say. I’m not sure I’d consider it for vote, others affected me more, but I like it. That’s about it.

@PlatinumSkink

Your opinion doesn’t matter. This was a fake review anyways, and the point I say I’ll probably take up in Holmishire’s review anyway. Next!

Aeonumbra

Little Me

• Theme: Very good.
• Organization: The lead in was a bit slow, but I did like the conclusion. The end wasn't really powerful, or dramatic, but it did leave off on a triumphant note. (She seems to take the whole time traveling, parallel dimension paradox thing very well though~Hm.)
• Voice: The voice was powerful, and very well done.
• Word Choice "Roared" already implies loudness, so "aloud" is redundant. "I had become used to simple allowing things to.." doesn't make any sense, I feel there are some missing words? "But now... as my best years had ended," Also doesn't fit well. "As my" implies the thing is current, "ended" implies that it has past already. Something more appropriate would have been "But now... as my best years came to an end" or even just taking out "had" would have made it fit better.
  
  "I tightened her fists" probably should have been "my fists" as "her" refers to the girl in the picture. "Way more energetic than I were" the last word there would fit better as "was". You also state that the character opens her eyes wide in surprise, but never mention beforehand that they were closed, rather, she was already wide eyed. Perhaps you meant to say "I opened my eyes wider, surprised.." and so forth.
• Sentence Fluency: Flowed very well.
• Conventions: Mechanical correctness of the piece seems pretty well, nothing really jumped out at me.
• Overall: Fairly enjoyed this piece. Well done.

@Aeonumbra

The lead being a bit slow was probably intentional, something I did automatically to theme her dreary life. Roared aloud… felt appropriate, maybe it wasn’t. XD … SIMPLY, used to SIMPLY allowing things to. I don’t see the problem with “as my best years had ended”, but I’ll keep it in mind. … That should be MY fist, yeah, remnant from when I changed the text from third to first-person due to more personal feeling of power, I thought I got all those… XD … That should be ‘was’, yeah. Wider sounds stupid. “My eyes widened in surprise”, maybe. Oh, well. Thank you very much for your praise. Yeah, she was too busy feeling good about herself and being exhausted to question the existence of what just happened. Tihi.

Dark Wind

Little Me

Ellipses. So many ellipses. You could really just stick with periods, honestly. Sorry, it has become a pet peeve of mine. Mostly because I used to abuse ellipses and when I noticed it, it has ticked me off ever since. Not that I'm holding that against you. That's not a horribly major thing wrong with your work. In fact, I enjoyed your entry.

I thought adding the lyrics of the song into the speech was an interesting choice. Although sometimes it made it read awkwardly. Understand what you were trying to do, and I appreciate the stylistic choices. Some just don't work out as much as we'd like. Though it wasn't a terrible choice. The message still got through, and it was a powerful one.

Great, positive meaning from this piece. All of you seem to be hitting on messages that I can relate to. Definitely feel as though we can relate to the idea of regret and wishing we did things differently. Making our voices and opinions heard. Taking what we want, or at least making an effort to take what we want. Good work!

@Dark Wind

Nah, periods could never replace the pure usefulness of ellipses. That would make the characters sound way too sure of themselves. When portraying doubt, hesitation, fear, awe or any other emotion, ellipses drive the emotion home. Just periods everywhere would render the text life-less, honestly. … Well, not if the text is happy or positive, there are plenty of texts without ellipses that can convey the necessary emotions, but this text here would lose A LOT if I removed them. Simple as that. Thanks for enjoying my entry~! Yeah, lyrics as speech did simply feel right, there. Not sure if it worked out well, but it FELT right. Haha. Yes, it was meant to stir on that emotion, just as the song had. Thanks for enjoying.

mdk

Little Me

First of all, that's not a song I've ever heard and I had to stop reading so I could listen to it all. Awesome stuff! Okay, on to the story -- so good. It's pure character, raw, and I mean yes, the monologue is pretty much straight out of the lyrics but you made it mean so much more than just the words, I've got no complaints at all. We could talk writing style a little bit -- you slip into passive voice a little more than you should, especially in the first paragraph (which *almost* works, as like a memory device, but even then it's just a bit too much). Most of the writing is raw and powerful, but every now and then the character "had pushed" something instead of just "pushing" it, or whatever, you know? Those little actions are stronger when you're direct about them, and they do need to stay strong (especially with such a strong story to tell). The end left me wishing that the 'spell' had worked completely -- that she'd put down the picture frame on her billionaire CEO desk or something, but you kept it a little more grounded and real -- Big Me is still left with the consequences of her life, and that's.... I mean, wow, that's good. Seriously, wow. I totally would've taken the easy way out if I was writing -- you did way better than I would've done. All in all, positively great. A ding here and there for language but it's almost negligible (ALMOST). You can take care of business in that department, I'm sure. Great job.

@mdk

I’m happy you enjoyed it. Tihi. … Yeah, I did go through the text to try to eliminate as many such things as possible, as I have in fact been informed how to do in previous reviews on my entries on this site / previous versions of this site, but it seems some slipped through. Haha. And yes, it is an awesome song but the one part I do not like about it is that the singer is essentially blaming her past self, and that doesn’t quite sit right with me, so it didn’t feel right to have blaming her past self actually work. I would sincerely like to think those who maybe did take some wrong turns in the past has hopes, too. Hence how it ended. Thank you very much for the praises. I am rather proud of it, after all. Can’t compare to THAT *points at the winner*, but yeah, I’m proud of it.

Blitz

Little Me

Never heard of the song, but I like. It’s inspirational. I can see how you came up with your story. Actually, what you did was pretty cool, with the whole… well, it isn’t exactly time travel, but the narrator did end up altering the past.

I’d say you write in a way which is very easy to visualize, especially the dialogue. I could clearly see, in detail, the narrator screaming at the picture in frustration and anger, and her voice on the edge of cracking… Yes. Very, very good. I liked the happy ending with “Little Me” and “Big Me” both end up going their separate lives, happily and excitedly, to turn their life around!

@Blitz

Tihi. Allow me to smile. I am very happy that you say that I write in a way that is very easy to visualize. It means I succeeded in what I was going for, at least for you and numerous others. And yes, I’m a sucker for a happy ending, as such that is the kind of endings that I do the most. Positive emotions are just great. Thank you very much for this review~! Oh, I feel so happy now. What should I do with these emotions? Haha.

Holmishire

Entry #12: Little Me

C+
Suffers from an excess of ellipses. I like the plot, the time-parallels, and some of the description, but the dialogue fell short. The intent was clear, didn't feel polished her thoughtfully constructed—just a barrage of sudden emotion which, while perhaps accurate, isn't the most powerful narratively.

Why I would not vote for this entry:
12. Dialogue.
Why I would vote for this entry:
12. Meaningful plot.

@Holmishire

I MIGHT have used a little bit many ellipses, but eh. Wonder if people read ellipses different from how I do? Oh, well. … The dialogue, eh? The part I didn’t write myself because I just inserted the lyrics… XD … Yeah, I admit, it got a little clunky here and there, and I had to be careful what I wrote in between the lyrics to make sure to transfer the message I wanted. Though some, like “Felt so big but you look so small”, what does that mean and how does it fit here? XD … Oh, well. I’m not entirely sure how to change the rest of it so it appeals to you more, but I’ll certainly not stop trying. That goes to everyone~! … The student within me is slightly irked I didn’t get a B, at least! XD … Though, thanks for calling my plot meaningful, though I pretty much stole it from the song~!

… And that’s about that. Thank you very much~! … Yeah.

Fire Emblem: A Blinding Light

@Lionheart WHATEVER ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT.

*cough* Actually, that is probably a problem with me right now. I want to somehow share that I am in a positive mood and I type the little laughing signs in order to show that I am smiling, because I find using smileys to be degrading. Then it just happens that I start abusing it like other people abuses smileys, and the result is... well, yeah. Not sure how I am to solve this problem.

Fire Emblem: A Blinding Light

I've skipped @ruler710 once and @DAWNSTAR twice now, but both shall know I'd happily see them post again~!

Do note, when making attacks, you don't necessarily need to aim for a single enemy. It might be less likely to actually hit, and you might make it more difficult for others to make their moves, but everyone is entirely free to act cool however they like. Common sense and enemies(/allies) wanting to stop you is all that's in the way. Teh-heh. That goes for team-moves, too. Also, you can be vague about who you attack, like, "Attack someone who might be trying to counter-attack this character after this character's attack" or something like that, because... yeah. And you can all move through allied characters (and maybe even enemy characters if you use a forceful enough excuse XD) in order to make your movements, just assume there is a bit of room between the spaces. Haha.

Excellently posted. Teh-heh, Ret having trouble navigating in... Heh...

Tactics~! Yeah, tactics are nice. Though, Alvin, you didn't really give them much of a choice when you rode away in that kind of speed. Haha. Of course, they're free to not follow the plan, and any other character is free to drop in and take part in the plan by attacking at specific spots, and or how. Haha. It would take so long to talk out a plan. Teh-heh. Nice post~