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H-Have I mentioned how much I hate detectives?
-Norika Tsukishima


It was not an especially sunny day.

Not that it would have meant much. The filter on Norika’s window prevented much of anything from lighting up her room. But today it was cloudy. Very cloudy, in fact. And a bit stormy too. It was dark and hard to see much of anything, save for when a lightning bolt lit up the sky. And forget hearing anything. The rain drummed on the window for hours, drowned out only by the occasional crack of thunder.

Despite the harsh conditions, a pair of headlights cut through the darkness outside. Guests never brought Norika much joy, but this one was especially troublesome. It was that beat up truck that belonged to the private detective. The engine was almost louder than the rain.

W-Why is he here? Norika wondered as she peered at the unwelcomely familiar truck from between her thick curtains as it made its way through the torrential deluge, growing ever closer to her home.

While she had gotten Roche to buy her a wig that matched the hair of her magical girl form, Norika had yet to settle upon a suitably unpleasant candidate to plant it on. At first, Suki had been the obvious choice to frame for the break-in, but recent developments had caused the sickly girl to hesitate on going through with that plan. Indeed, with current affairs being what they were, bringing unwanted attention to any member of the club was problematic at best. If only I knew where any of those annoying GEM bitches lived… In any event, she’d thought the worst she’d have to deal with was keeping the troublesome investigator away from Misoka. She hadn’t expected he would return so soon, especially not before she’d finalized her cover story. I-I’ll just have to get creative… Norika resolved, her mouth set in a firm line as she clutched the precious pendent around her neck. Taking a deep breath, the frail girl steeled herself as much as possible for the impending meeting.

The door swung open. It was one of the maids.

"Let’s get this over with. Come on."

A sentiment she could agree with.







The setup was much like before, with the sickly Norika positioned on a chair with her back to a corner. What was different was that her father was nowhere to be seen this time. The chair her father usually sat in was empty, and Makoto was seated shortly after Norika.

"These are some comfy seats." Makoto’s expression remained professionally apathetic as he spoke. "The truck’s seats are starting to show their age. Maybe when I get them reupholstered, I’ll have the cushions replaced with whatever your family lines their chairs with."

"W-Why do you w-want to speak with me?" Norika inquired, getting right to the point despite the meek tone of her voice and her visibly unsettled demeanor. "I-I already t-told you e-everything I know."

"Oh…" Makoto’s demeanor returned to its normal seriousness. At least, normal compared to his first visit. "You had said that your parents tend to keep you out of most things. I had to talk with him for a bit and I thought you might like to be involved in things a bit more. In particular, I wanted to introduce you to someone." He tipped his head. "When you mentioned the teal wig, I thought you were pulling my leg. The case is almost a slam dunk, but given your father’s influence I need to make sure parties outside of Hibusa town are not involved. Apparently ‘Cosplay Criminals’ are something that exist, and they can be very difficult to catch." He shrugged his shoulders. "Your father is already paying me quite well, so I’ve decided to hire a specialist to work on that aspect of the case. I thought you might like to meet him."

"O-Oh, I see…" Norika replied softly. This was both good, and bad news. For one thing, it was rather considerate of Makoto to want to involve her in more of the investigation, but at the same time, she couldn’t help but feel that this was in some way a ploy to fish for more information. For another, while looking for possible suspects beyond Hibusa’s bounds significantly lessened the chances of Misoka, or her family, suffering any repercussions, it also greatly complicated Norika’s plans to frame an unpleasant individual of her choosing for the crime. In any event, she would have to think over those issues at a later time. Right now, she had a more immediate concern to deal with. "Y-Yes," she confirmed with a hesitant nod. "I-I would v-very much like to meet him."

Makoto gave the girl a single nod. "Mister Vanhorn?"

The teenage boy who walked into view wasn’t most people’s idea of a mister. He had youthful features and didn’t look like a Japanese native. His hair was short and curtained the sides of his face. His clothes leaned European and he took better care of his appearance than Makoto did. But he said nothing, and simply took a seat in her father’s chair across from Makoto.

"Yes, Mister Vanhorn." Makoto pointed at him once. "He knows a lot about these cosplay criminals."

"Just Finn is fine." He placed his hands in his lap, which also held a laptop. "We don’t need to be so formal."

Makoto scoffed. "He doesn’t let me call him Finn."

H-He’s a teenager…? Norika wondered incredulously. Indeed, the young man before her looked younger than she was. Then again, thanks to her frail constitution, Norika herself looked several years younger than her actual age, so perhaps the same was true of this "Finn". "I-It’s a pleasure to m-make your a-acquaintance, Finn," Norika told the boy detective with a demure bow of her head. "I-I’m Norika."

"So I’ve been told." He returned the nod with one of his own, then flipped open his laptop. His eyes were focused on Norika as his fingers tapped away. "I’ve spoken with Makoto, and I have a few extra questions about the wig. It was teal, but do you remember how long it was? Any accessories that stood out?"

"I-I, um… I-I think it was waist-length," Norika replied hesitantly, as though she were trying to recall what she’d seen. "I-I didn’t really get the b-best look at it," she added with a frown. "I-I mainly just n-noticed the color…"

"I see." Finn’s eyes flicked down to his laptop. But rather than furious typing, he scrolled and tapped a few times. "Are you a fan of Hatsune Miku?"

"N-Not really…" Norika replied, unsure of where Finn was going with this new line of questioning. "I-I mostly prefer i-instrumental music," she added softly. "W-Why do you ask?"

"She also has teal hair. If you were a fan of her, you might be more inclined to misremember details about the thief and project something you were more familiar with in your memories." He closed the laptop. "I also prefer instrumental music. Beethoven’s Moonlit Sonata is one of my favorites. Particularly the first movement, Adagio sostenuto. The melancholy of the notes gets me every time. Though the furious maelstrom of notes in the third movement is also to my tastes. Do you have any favorites?"

Norika was silent for a moment before answering. "I-I like v-video game music," she explained, looking away out of embarrassment. "M-My brother and I u-used to play a l-lot of different ones, a-and I really e-enjoyed their soundtracks." If she had to pick a favorite, Blood Shot, from the console port of Gearmantic Hearts, would have been a strong contender for that spot, but she wasn’t about to tell the obviously high-brow Finn that. Indeed, she felt self-conscious enough about revealing this much insight into her taste in music as it was.

This made the corners of Finn’s lips curl up. "Ahh, I’m always hesitant to bring up my love of videogames. Have you ever played Gearmantic Hearts? I heard good things about it, but it was just a curiosity for me until I learned one of the characters was named ‘Finnegan Fabricant.’ I remember I tried to get really good with him." His eyes flicked down to his computer. A little bit of typing, a few clicks, and some music started to play. "Combining the eerie electric organ with a heavy guitar rift isn’t something I’d normally picture for him, but it kind of makes sense given his past traumas."

Norika had to stifle a gasp when Finn started playing the very song she’d been thinking about. She also had to stop herself from falling into the trap of clarifying that the track in question was actually the theme for a different character, a death ray-firing technomantic horror that was one of her most often used fighters, along with the equally beam bombardment heavy Sixshooter Synthia and Necroid 99. Instead, she simply replied, "I-I’ll take your w-word for it. K-Kaito and I o-only played that game a f-few times, so I’m n-not especially familiar w-with the characters’ b-backstories…"

T-That was close… This kid really knows what he’s doing. I need to be very careful with what I tell him…

"It’s a fun game." Finn nodded as his smile retreated. "But I play a lot of stuff. Actually, do you have a Mist account? Disharmony? You could add me to your contacts and-"

"We’re here for the case." Makoto raised his hand. "I’m sure Mr. Tsukishima doesn’t need us to act as a rent-a-friend for his daughter."

Finn groaned and flicked his eyes towards Makoto. "Getting to know people is part of a detective’s job." Then he looked back at Norika. "Anyway, no pressure. All of my socials are ‘TheRealFabricant’ without spaces. Sometimes ‘TheRealFabricant99.’ Add me if you’d like, or don’t."

Makoto lowered his hand. "Any questions about the case?"

"None that your report didn’t answer." Finn closed his laptop. "Sorry for getting you out here for just one question."

"That has to do with the case." Makoto added.

"But thank you for your time, and it was nice to meet you."

"Y-You’re welcome," Norika replied with a small bow of her head, her voice as quiet as ever. "A-And it was n-nice to meet you as well," she added, even if, in actuality, she hadn’t enjoyed the experience in the slightest. "I-I’m sorry I c-couldn’t be more h-helpful."

As the man and boy got up, one of the maids returned to Norika’s side to hand her a cane. Then the maid departed as quickly as she could.

"Oh, but one more thing!" Finn turned around before leaving Norika’s sight. "It was hard to make out with the storm, but I thought I saw a Xolys poster through one of the windows." He flipped open his laptop. "He looks something like this? I thought it was your room, but you aren’t familiar with Gearmantic Hearts so I must be wrong. Or do they just have similar designs?" And on the laptop screen was a picture of the towering technomantic nightmare, a bit stretched out and low resolution, but still unmistakable to a true fan.

Norika’s heart practically stopped upon hearing the young detective’s latest words. Her eyes went wide while a trembling hand pressed against her chest.

H-How in the world could he have seen that?! her dizzy mind wondered frantically.

Indeed, it should have been impossible. Even discounting the rain, her window was tinted and the shades were almost completely drawn across it. Furthermore, the poster in question was located on the back wall of a walk-in clothing closet, one that, while it had been open at the time, was still impossible to see into from outside the house.

W-Who is this boy…?

Unconsciously biting her lip, Norika’s mind raced to formulate a convincing response, even as she desperately tried to compose herself.

"I-It was m-my brother’s…" She eventually answered, her soft voice even meeker than usual. Taking a gulp of air, she continued, "H-He l-liked the way that c-character l-looked, so he g-got that p-poster f-for his r-room. W-When he l-left for u-university, h-he let me h-have it."

Finn and Makoto just stared, then Finn tipped his head back with a grin. "Ah! That explains it!" He shut his laptop. "Your father showed me his room, and I noticed he had pictures of all the fighters but that one. That makes a lot of sense."

Makoto sighed. "We ready to go?"

"Yea." He backed out of the room while pointing at Norika. "You’re very lucky to have that! Those are quite collectable now!"

And with that, the young boy and the scruffy man were gone.

W-What… W-What even was that…?! Norika wondered, still in something of a state of shock even half a minute after the pair had departed. The whole scene had been so surreal, and it had added such drastic complexity to an already complex situation that she was having trouble figuring out where to even begin solving just one of its myriad facets. I-If only Kaito was here… the frail girl reflected somberly as she made her slow and shaky way back to her room, one trembling hand tightly gripping her cane, while the other continued to clutch her precious pendant. H-He’d know what to do… After all, he had always seemed to know the easy solution to any problem. But the sad fact was, Kaito wasn’t here, and Norika would have to solve this problem on her own…



“You are most welcome, dear Branch Nose,” Gaia told the ancient ent with a warm smile and a graceful curtsy. “It brings me the greatest of joy to know that I was able to make the longings of your heart a reality.”

Not wanting to delay a moment longer, Lily then declared that they should all get going, a course of action Gaia was in complete agreement with. Entering the secret passage, the verdant maiden was thankful that not a single trap or obstruction presented itself to hinder their progress. Of course, once they reached the end of the passage and entered what appeared to be a wine cellar, obstructions and potential traps seemed to be in abundance.

“I would be very surprised if that is the only trap in this chamber,” Gaia noted after Lily sneered at the obvious suspiciousness of the waiting wine glass. “And even discounting them, we still need to come up with a way to open that door without alerting the guards,” the botanical beauty added, pointing towards the metal door in question.

Alex went on to agree, before offering a suggestion on one possible way to go about circumventing the obstacle.

“That may be our best course of action,” Gaia replied with a nod. “Although I may perhaps be able to learn more about the nature of the passage behind that stone walrus head by employing a few specialized vine tendrils,” the nymph-like maiden added. “If it poses no danger, we may be able to make use of it, although I am hesitant to believe that shall actually be the case…”

Connie was there, too, of course, but she didn’t have much to contribute.

Poor Connie…






“Like, thatsie watsie’s not a very wery nicey wicey thingie wingie to do at allsie wallsie!” an adorably indignant MDP huffed when Mac told her that the holo message was most likely sent by someone to trick them into harming their allies. “It’s, like, super duper awful wawful!” she added, with Mr. Plier nodding in agreement. “Like, Magical Dream Princess just can’t understandy wandy how anybodywody who lives in such a nicey wicey placey wacey like thisy wisy could be such a super duper meanie weanie head!”

However, MDP soon returned to her typical gleeful exuberance when she watched no small number of her new friends pile into Copy!Penney’s only moderately sized truck.

“Wowie zowie~! (giggle!)” the whimsical girl exclaimed amidst a burst of cute giggles. “Like, thatsie watsie totally wotally looks like one of those clowny wowny carsie warsie thingie wingies~! (giggle!)”

Then, Copy!Penny asked her to climb aboard as well.

“Like, Magical Dream Princess is super duper sorry worry, copy wopy Penny Wenny~!” the playful Princess of Dreams told the doppelgänger with a cheerful smile. “But, like, Magical Dream Princess is totally wotally gonna be the batony wony twirler wirler person werson for this paradey wadey thingie wingie~! (giggle!)” With that, she bounced back to the front of the procession and began once again leading the way with yet another sickeningly sweet and cringingly childish song…
Long ago, The Warrens began life as a humble fishing village, nestled between a river and a natural harbor, backed by a huge forest. While many were happy with their simple life, others looked upon the land with greater ambitions in mind. The Gaecia Empire conquered the village, naming it "Westeinde" and it swiftly became the empire's major port for trade. It wasn't long before the forests were cut back and replaced by farms, while a city of wood and stone was built, along with massive cargo ships, and warehouses, filled with many barrels and crates.

But the merchants of Westeinde were foolish, greedy men. They hired mages to cast curses on their rivals - and those rivals cast curses on them. And because the mages kept casting those curses daily, they began to build up. The ground began to tremble, storms became stronger, and more ships were lost at sea. Something had to snap - and snap it did. An ancient volcano stirred to life and erupted, covering Westeinde with ash and poisonous gas. Tremors made the land sink. Without the forest to hold the land above the town in place, the rains and tremors caused massive slides, further burying the city. But that wasn’t all. Amidst this cavalcade of destruction, a dungeon core was created. It fed on the collected curses, then slowly extended throughout the buried city as the surface recovered. And it began summoning monsters to protect itself.

After Gaecia, other empires rose and fell. There was more construction, and more disasters as the ancient curses wreaked havoc on the land. Seekers of ancient, long lost Westeinde never realized what lay buried far below their feet. After many hundreds of years, a new city was built on the site of the old, becoming once more a trading hub serving ships from all over the known world, while caravans carried their cargos to the new capital. But this renewed prosperity was not to last. Instead of another eruption, the new empire simply found a closer port to conquer.

The ships come rarely now. There hasn't been a caravan in over a decade. The wealthy merchants have fled with their money. But even as mercantile trade dies, a trade of a different kind has begun to flourish. Deep beneath the crumbling port, the dungeon core stirs to life, calling adventures to brave its labyrinthian depths and test its formidable defenses. Who will be the first to reach the ancient heart of The Warrens? Only time will tell…


-Ecks’phan de Bhul’s On the Storied History of The Warrens

Many brave and foolish parties of adventures challenged The Warrens’ darkened depths in the time since Ecks’phan de Bhul penned their famous chronicle, but none had managed to overcome its array of fiendish traps, nor its formidable host of monstrous guardians. Yet, not every adventurer that challenges The Warrens is part of a group, and not every monster is counted amongst its guardians…


How could anybody confuse meh with Zoppy?
-Zig


Dat’z it… Zig mentally encouraged the group of adventurers as she watched them from around the edge of a darkened corner. Just keep goin’ down dat tunnel…

Most would scoff at the idea of a lone adventurer braving any dungeon, and especially one as dangerous as The Warrens. Of course, those same people would also never imagine said lone explorer being a goblin. After all, monsters didn’t raid dungeons, they defended them. And yet, raiding dungeons was Zig’s primary occupation, and she’d gotten very good at it. It hadn’t always been this way, though. For a time, she and her brother, Zag, had been a part of Big Boss Zug’s warband, but while Zag had been content with a life of pillaging (when not serving as expendable fodder in battles), Zig longed for a grand adventure on which she could truly test her pillaging prowess. She wanted to raid a dungeon. The ensuing laughter of the other goblins, Zag included, did little to dissuade her, and shortly thereafter, Zig set off to find fame and fortune.

Now, several dungeons later, Zig, the infamous goblin adventurer, was braving her most challenging dungeon yet. The Warrens was larger, had more cunning traps, and was populated by fiercer monsters than any dungeon Zig had ever traveled through, with each floor ruled by an extraordinarily powerful monster, from stone colossi and cave witches, to lich kings and vampire lords. Even so, Zig’s strategies for dealing with these myriad challenges were the same as those she employed on all her previous adventures.

Exceptionally skilled at puzzles of all sorts, Zig was easily able to discern the locations and methods of operation for most traps, allowing her to either disarm, or simply avoid them as needed. Able-bodied and skilled in combat, she was also quite capable of dealing with most low to mid level adversaries, although she preferred to simply pass by them unnoticed, her small form and monstrous appearance aiding her greatly in this regard. Another factor that greatly helped with this, especially where large quantities of high-level foes were concerned, was the fact that she was almost never truly alone in a dungeon. All too often, at least one other party of adventures was exploring the place at the same time, and far more likely, that number was three or four times greater. By trailing along behind one of these groups, Zig allowed them to capture the attention of particularly dangerous enemies, while she simply slipped by, undetected amidst the swirling melee that ensued. On this particular floor, that strategy would be especially useful, as the sickly vines growing along the far end of the corridor gave evidence that this was the domain of the Gruesome Gardner.

An undead abomination that may have once been a Spriggan, the Gardner constantly added to its garden of undead botanical horrors, melding the remains of unfortunate adventurers into its twisted creations. Soon, the cramped catacombs would open into a sprawling forest of undead plant life, all controlled by the Gardner’s malign will. Zig wanted to ensure that when she reached that point, the boisterous party of adventures ahead of her had already fixed the attention of the Gardner and its creations firmly on themselves. Thus, she trailed along cautiously, her pace only quickening when the sound of battle cries reached her pointed ears.

Entering the forested chamber, Zig was greeted with the sight of a fierce battle, the various well-armed adventures clashing with a malformed horde of undead plant-animal amalgamations. An elven archer fired arrows coated in mystic flame at a massive wolf made of bark and thorns, while a paladin in an elaborate suit of gleaming sliver armor fended off a horde of corpses animated by vines as if they were puppets. Several other combats raged throughout the chamber, including a roguish looking young man in a long cloak dodging the attacks of a herd of deceptively playful skull-faced moss cats, while his pet crow dropped small explosives on them, but by then, Zig’s attention was solely focused on locating the quickest path through the fray to reach a passage to the next floor.

Keeping her yellow eyes peeled, Zig soon spotted what she was seeking, a small indentation on the far wall, clearly the outline of the doorway to a hidden passage. Racing over to it, while still remaining careful not to attract any unwanted attention to herself, the goblin girl had almost reached her destination, when she was confronted by a pair of undead amalgamations. The first resembled a tree with a skeletal face and thorny, bark armor, while the second vaguely resembled a giant cactus, with whip-like vine tendrils, covered in needle-sharp thorns. Reacting with swiftness, Zig swung her small, yet mighty, mace at the skele-tree, caving its bark-covered skull in, before driving a flying kick into the cactus creature’s great, cyclopean eye. The creature cried in pain as it fell over backwards, providing Zig with a clear path to her objective.

Yet, no sooner had she dispatched these foes, then a burly, flaming haired man carrying a giant cittern shouted, “Ya think you’re hot stuff?! I’m gonna show ya why I’m called the Immortal Volcano!” The next instant, the blazing bard forcefully sounded a mighty chord on his massive instrument, sparking a blinding explosion that swiftly engulfed the entire undead forest in a raging firestorm.

“Shit!”

Darting towards the secret door, Zig retrieved a gold key from a pocket on her large backpack and thrust it into a small opening in the stone wall. The hidden passage immediately opened, and the small goblin flung herself inside mere seconds before the searing conflagration consumed her. The passage turned out to be a slanted shaft, which Zig tumbled down for several seconds before finally reaching the bottom with a thud. Taking a moment to catch her breath and ensure her surroundings were free of threats, the goblin girl pulled the small canteen she’d purchased from old Torvald out of her backpack and took a few deep gulps of its contents. The enchanted water not only quenched her parched throat, but also cooled and healed her singed and bruised body, restoring her depleted strength so that she could continue on her quest.

Do you know who else is currently feeling a bit parched?


Zoppy

Zzzzzzz3
-Zoppy


Zoppy’s parched and passed-out form was woken by the refreshing sensation of water droplets seeping into her mouth. “Mmmm… Dat tastes niiiice…” she murmured groggily, still too tired to even open her eyes. When she finally regained the energy to do so, she discovered that someone had dragged her back into the dungeon’s cool and shady depths, while also placing a very moist clump of moss on top of her. After wringing the last of the water out of it (a task even a pitiful weakling like her could manage with some effort), Zoppy’s big ears twitched as her attention was caught by the Oracle’s booming voice. His excessive volume made her head hurt and she winced at each thunderous syllable. Even so, she was still able to make out the basic message the eldritch being was attempting to convey, although her reaction was probably the exact opposite of the one the strange creature was hoping for…

“Mor customerz…?!” Zoppy exclaimed, her green eyes seeming to sparkle. “Zoppy really needz ta finish ‘er shoppy!”

With that, she hefted her small pickax once more, and prepared to take another less-than-impressive swing…



“O-Oh… I-I see… W-Well, I’m g-glad she’s o-okay,” Connie told Rachel and the twins, her mask forming a relieved smile. Despite her innocent and ditzy nature, MDP was still an exceptionally powerful magical girl, as the inquisitor had attested, so she was probably just fine, even if Connie didn’t exactly know who this “Mac” person was. In fact, it was probably to be expected that the whimsical girl had made a new friend, or several dozen.

Speaking of new friends, Gaia’s attention was drawn to the departing form of Branch Nose as he headed for the nearby woodlet. Thanks to her empathic affinity for plant life of all kinds, the Daughter of Mother Earth was easily able to sense the great ent’s disappointment. She had hoped their leafy ally would be able to understand the reason for her request to remain behind as backup, but it seemed he had wished to somehow join the infiltration mission in a more direct manner. Pursing her emerald lips, the verdant maiden sighed in slight exasperation before gliding over to the departing oak.

“A moment, please, Branch Nose,” the nymph-like magical girl requested with a gentle smile as she placed a hand on one of his trunk-like legs. “My most sincerest apologies for not mentioning it earlier, but if you truly wish to accompany us, I believe I may be able to facilitate such a desire. This realm is replete with both mystic power and life energy,” the botanical beauty explained. “Thus, it should require little effort or expenditure of mana to cast even as potent a spell as this.”

Stepping back, Gaia knelt down and placed her hands upon the grass-covered ground. The spot glowed a vivid green as the soil was infused with mystic energy. Slowly rising, the verdant maiden’s hands wove the vine-like tendrils of life energy as though she were a sculptor shaping clay. Soon enough, the Daughter of Mother Earth had grown a second, smaller tree man, with a visage that greatly resembled Branch Nose’s.

“There. I believe this shall serve as a suitable vessel,” Gaia noted with an approving nod, before placing one hand upon the new tree man, and her other on Branch Nose. After closing her eyes for a moment, she added. “I have just established a link between you and this vessel,” she told the ancient ent. “Once you settle your true body amongst your fellow trees, you may freely inhabit it so as to join us for the next stage of our quest. Is this solution an agreeable one?” she inquired.






MDP watched with growing confusion as the Penny copy plainly illustrated that there was no one trapped inside her, a puzzled and slightly distraught frown marring her adorable visage.

“B-But thensie wensie… Why did the holography waphy message wessage Macy Wacy showed Magical Dream Princess say there was somebody wody trappy wappied~?” the whimsical girl inquired, tilting her head as Mr. Plier stood idly by, looking rather disappointed by the fact that his services wouldn’t actually be needed. “Like, Magical Dream Princess doesn’t understandy wandy thatsie watsie at allsie wallsie…”

After all, it wasn’t as if her new friend would do something super duper mean like try to trick a super gullible girl like herself by relaying a fake message, right?

Bet ya weren’t expectin’ meh, were ya?
-Elzy


“Dat da best ya got?!” Elzy taunted over the howling wind, her mouth curled into a toothy grin. The mangled forms of nearly a dozen hirelings surrounded the goblin girl, whose own diminutive stature allowed her to maintain her balance atop the rain and blood-slicked deck of The Herald of Free Trade far better than any of her larger opponents as the massive galleon violently rocked and pitched on the tempest-tossed, wind-lashed waters of Burgher’s Bay. “An’ ere ah wuz dinkin’ diz’d be a challenge!”

Long had Elzy been waiting for this day, indeed, this very moment. All her myriad adventures and journeys across the cold and forbidding land of Ulrania in an effort to break the terrible curse those malevolent faeries had placed upon her had led her here, to the amulet of transmorgraphic harmonization. Now, just as it was about to leave Ulrania’s storm-wracked shores, perhaps never to return, destiny had granted Elzy this one, final chance to obtain its profound power. And she wasn’t about to let it slip away…

“AH ha! AH ha!” her old foe, Grand Burgher Burlonious Burghotho chortled as he sneered down at the goblin girl from his place upon the ship’s bridge, jagged tendrils of lightening arcing across the turbulent clouds above him. “Thy arrogance merely proves thy ignorance, wretched cur! Thy attempt to invade mine manse was folly enough,” he continued, his bombastic voice carrying over even the din of the raging storm as the rotund, fur-coated merchant gestured in the direction of Burgherheim, the wealthy trading port’s many lights barely visible amidst the sheets of rain. “But to think thou couldst purloin mine most prized possession on the high seas, bereft of aid or means of escape, marks thee as an utter FOO-El!”

“Yeah? Well, ah don’t see much stoppin’ meh from comin’ up dere an’ pluckin’ dat shiny offa yer fat, fancy pantz neck!” Elzy shot back through the howling gale, her goblinoid physiology allowing her to endure the biting winds and icy rain in little more than a bikini, granting her an even greater degree of maneuverability compared to her burly, heavily-clothed foes.

Yet, just before she could make her leap, several new opponents rushed up from below deck.

“Thou hast only faced the most bargainous of mine hirelings!” Burghotho taunted from on high, the amulet of transmorgraphic harmonization glowing where it rested amidst the Grand Burgher’s panoply of other gilded and bejeweled necklaces. “Now, behold mine most proficient condottieri!”

“Heh. Ah ain’t seein’ much…” Elzy retorted, the blade of her readied, water and blood-coated sword gleaming in the light of the full moon as it peered down on the unfolding melee from between the clouds’ ragged edges.

With an enraged roar, a savage, tattoo-covered brute from the southern jungles swung a machete the size of Elzy’s torso down upon the goblin girl with the clear intent to cut her in twain. With a mighty clash of steel on steel, Elzy met the massive blade with her own weapon and employed the force of the blow, coupled with the slippery deck, to allow her to slide between the brute’s legs. Such was the speed at which the little goblin traveled across the slick planks that she was also able to just barely avoid the subsequent chop of a great axe swung by a bearded berserker from the northern seas, and a hail of spiked disks hurled by a masked warrior from the far-off Lands of Dawn.

“Gonna ‘ave ta do better’n dat!” Elzy quipped as she finally skidded to a stop just in time to leap up to the bridge before a mighty wave washed across the main deck. No sooner had she landed atop the bridge’s gilded railing then a new threat declared itself.

“Engarde, cretin!” cried a foppishly attired duelist wielding twin, impeccably crafted rapiers as he lunged forward amidst a rapid flurry of thrusts.

“No dankz, pal,” Elzy replied as she dove under his blur of blades and sent a clawed foot shooting into his booted ankle. “Maybe ya’ll ‘ave better luck wiv da fishez!” she added as the strike, paired with the man’s own forward momentum, sent him flying over the railing and straight into the path of another deck-sweeping wave.

Now all that remained was Burghotho…

Pursuing the rotund merchant into the captain’s cabin, Elzy found her now-greatly-alarmed foe cowering behind his desk, his back to the rain-streaked windows.

“Enda da line, fatty,” she told him, her narrowed eyes on high alert for any last-ditch tricks. “‘And over dat trinket an’ ya can keep all diz ovver crap. Dat iz, if diz tub don’t sink.

“T-Thou thinks thy hast won?! Burghotho shouted, even as his hand slid underneath the desktop.

“Yeah,” Elzy replied with a firm nod as she stalked forward with all the inexorable certainty of death itself. “Ah do.

She was less than a meter from the Grand Burgher, when, suddenly…

Wait…

This isn’t the right goblin girl.

You don’t want to read the boring story of a refined elven maiden who was cursed to transform into a crude goblin girl every night’s quest to remove her terrible affliction, a journey which saw her compete with the bandit king in a trial of thieving prowess, fight her way through a war between Ulrania’s two largest kingdoms, escape a witch hunt ordered by the miracle-working Priest King of Stennar, battle the warped creations of the reborn Beastshaper, join the assassin’s guild, and finally reach the wealthy settlements of Burgher’s Bay, all while working as a selfless healer by day, and a roguish sell-sword by night.

No, you want to read about…


Zoppy

Hi! Hi!
-Zoppy


Zoppy was very happy when Muste acceded to her request. “Dankz lotz!” she told the illithid with a big smile. Waving as she watched the tentacle-faced being depart, an idea slowly formed in the deformed goblin’s pitiful excuse for a brain. If the outside world really was full of wondrous things, would it really be so bad if she took a small break from working on her shop to have a look around herself? With this in mind, Zoppy ever-so-slowly made her stumbling way to the cave entrance. Upon reaching the threshold, the emaciated goblin took one, awestruck look at the verdant landscape beyond... and promptly passed out from heat stroke.

Someone might want to drag her back inside…



Thankfully, the secret passage in the castle wall was opened without issue. Unfortunately, it immediately became apparent that Branch Nose would be unable to accompany them down the narrow passage, a fact the ancient tree promptly gave voice to.

“Thank you for accompanying us this far,” Gaia told the great tree as she placed a hand against his trunk. “If possible, would you be so kind as to wait for us in the cluster of trees that we were just taking concealment in?” the verdant maiden inquired.

A moment later, the sound of voices were heard around the corner of the castle wall. Gaia placed herself in front of Connie and readied her mystic staff, but it soon became apparent that the voices belonged to allies, rather than enemies, although not before Lily gave voice to a startled scream that the botanical beauty fervently hoped wouldn’t attract any attention. Indeed, as the bubbly greenette proceeded to exchange words with Rachel and Alicia, Gaia couldn’t help but reflect on the puzzling lack of defenses for what was ostensibly the seat of the Queen of Heart’s power. The troops that had chased after Mayra couldn’t possibly be all the forces the castle contained, and yet, despite the sizable commotion just beyond its walls, no further response or investigation had manifested itself.

I only hope the reason for that isn’t because we’re walking into a trap… the verdant maiden mused, her emerald lips forming a concerned frown.

Meanwhile, Connie waved to the diminutive twins who had arrived with the Beacon contingent. “H-Hi, Ronin! H-Hi, Miko!” she greeted, her mask forming a happy smile. “I-I’m r-really glad e-everything went w-well at t-the f-factory. B-But, um, w-wasn’t M-Magical Dream Princess w-with you, t-too?” she asked, curious as to the current whereabouts of her whimsical friend.






Back at said whimsical friend’s now-halted procession, Mister Plier was just about to begin prying the Penny copy open, when the duplicate protested that there wasn’t anyone trapped inside her that needed rescuing.

“Huh~?” MDP inquired, tilting her head in confusion. “But, like, why did Penny Wenny’s holography waphy message wessage say there was a person werson insidey widey you~?” However, before the facsimile could respond, an idea popped into the playful Princess of Dreams’ bubbly brain. “Oh~! Magical Dream Princess knows~! (giggle!)” she exclaimed cheerfully. “Like, maybe waybe the person werson insidey widey you made you super duper forgetful wetful~! Magical Dream Princess is, like, super duper familiar wiliar with thatsie watsie~! (giggle!)” the whimsical girl explained with a wink. “Like, she forgets super duper important wortant stuffy wuffy all the timey wimey, which is why she got this super duper special wecial dreamy weamy journal wournal thingie wingie to remember wember everythingie wingie she needs to~! (giggle!)” she added, holding up the sticker and glitter-covered book in question.

Zoppy

Time fer Zoppy ta make her shoppy!
-Zoppy


To Zoppy’s great joy, Muste not only bought the squishy stone, but was more than willing to purchase whatever else she offered him, and soon she had amassed quite a sizable collection of shinies. Of course, there was more to do than just make sales. She needed to find a suitable location for her shop. The current dungeon layout might not have been entirely conducive to facilitating this, but the deformed goblin eventually settled on creating a small space for herself just outside the main dungeon core chamber (around H6). Most of the others were hard at work digging in their own areas, so Zoppy borrowed the smallest pickax she could find and began setting to work herself. This was as slow and ineffective a process as might be expected. Just taking a single swing, which struck the cavern wall with all the force of a gentle whisper, would so exhaust the emaciated goblin girl’s meager energy reserves that she would have to take a nap immediately afterwards. This process repeated itself many times, with only occasional interruptions to sell some lucky pebbles, until she was awoken from her latest nap by Muste making an announcement.

Hobbling over, Zoppy raised a deformed hand, once the illithid had finished speaking. “Could ya bring Zoppy back sum lucky fingz, too?!” the goblin girl inquired hopefully. She had already found lots of wonderful items in the dungeon itself, so she could only imagine what wonders awaited in the forest that lay beyond its entrance.
You don't have to read this, but you must still behold its MAJESTY...





In a dimly lit laboratory, filled with bubbling beakers, crackling tesla coils, clanking machinery, flashing console lights, and glowing monitor screens, a tall, rail-thin man in a white lab coat stroked his sliver mustache with the clawed fingers of a monstrous, bestial hand.

“Sooo… My arch-nemesis seeks to collect variants of Aigorost’s primary champion, does she?” he noted as he gazed into an ovoid holodisplay. “Well, two can play at that game!” he declared, one enlarged, vein-covered eyeball seeming to bulge out of its socket. “She thinks she’s soooo clever, procuring her little army of pathetic puppets to pit against me, but I shall beat her to the proverbial punch! Yesss… She’ll be in for quite the surprise when she sees what I have in store!” he continued, his mouth curling into a malicious smirk. “I could, of course, simply gather a collection of the myriad iterations of Glexaroth’s champion, but why settle for such an uninspired knockoff, when I can assemble a multiplicity of my own greatest creation from across the multiversal continuum! There is simply no possible way she would EVER suspect an act of such fiendish brilliance as that, right?!

“Uuuhh… I guess…?” the chamber’s sole other occupant replied tentatively. This isn’t one of those trick question things, is it?

“Of course I’m right!” the mad scientist declared with a maniacal grin. “I’m ALWAYS RIGHT!!! MAWHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!”




“That concludes my report on the battle of Nexustead,” Lunella Celestia told her fellow members of the Lunar Council with a respectful bow.

She stood at the center of a grand chamber, built of iridescent moonstone, which glowed with the ethereal light of the three moons. The rest of the assembled council sat in a semi-circle before Lunella, their faces illuminated by the soft, otherworldly light. Councilor Astraeus, always a stern voice of order and practicality, was the first to speak.

“Councilor Lunella, on behalf of the Council, I formally commend your efforts in aiding the defense of Nexustead, alongside Orion Emberflare, Zephyr Thornweaver, and...Quincy Safehaven,” he began, speaking the last name with clear reluctance. “Your intervention was pivotal in stopping the Abyssal forces, and we owe you a great deal of gratitude for that. However, we must now address the impending Full Moon Celebration of the Trilunial Convergence on morrow’s eve, and, more importantly, your impending transformation.”

Yes, Lunella reflected, the upcoming Full Moon Celebration would be a most festive occasion, one that would gather revelers from all the lunar cities, as well as realms beyond. Lanterns would float above the streets, emitting a soft luminescence, and the air would be thick with the scent of moonblossoms and the sound of celestial music played by the most skilled lunar musicians. And the fact that it would occur during so portentous an event as a Trilunial Convergence only added to its grandeur. Yet, it was this very fact that served as the source for no small measure of concern, something the young astromancer was acutely aware of, especially in light of how she was inextricably linked to it.

“I expected no less, Councilor Astraeus,” Lunella replied with a demure nod, her voice calm and measured. “The convergence approaches, and with it, my metamorphosis into Queen Celestia. I understand that some of you have voiced concerns regarding this, and I am fully willing to address them at this time.”

Councilor Syrena, a more whimsical and open-minded member of the council, leaned forward, her silver eyes gleaming with excitement. “Concerns? Nonsense! Queen Celestia’s presence is an event most auspicious, a symbol of unity and hope under the full moon! And how much more so during the Trilunial Convergence?!”

“Well said!” Councilor Chondonis added with his customarily jovial enthusiasm. “I, too, am filled with great delight at the thought of having our Moonlit Monarch in attendance at such a momentous gathering! After all,” he continued. “The Triluminum occurs exceedingly rarely, and to have our majestic and radiant Queen of the Full Moon among us at such a portentous time will greatly inspire the people!”

“Yes, exactly!” Syrena agreed with a pleased grin. “Just imagine it: the full moonlight shimmering on her regal celestial attire, her voice like the song of the stars, guiding us all toward a brighter future!”

“Inspire?” Astraeus scoffed. “Hardly. We all know of Celestia’s… tendencies. Her arrogance will completely overshadow the celebration. Need I remind you of her last appearance? She spent the entire night making grandiose speeches about her beauty and power, rather than focusing on the ceremony itself.”

Councilor Callistio, an older and more jaded member of the council, nodded in agreement. “Astraeus speaks true. Celestia may be radiant, but that radiance is blinding. Her vanity is legendary, and I fear she will be far too immersed in her own grandeur to manage the complexities of the evening, let alone deal with... other potential disruptions.”

At this, the council shifted uncomfortably in their seats. Although Syrena tried to brush the alluded cause for concern off with a light laugh, the others exchanged grim looks.

“Indeed,” Astraeus concurred with a solemn nod. “The presence of a Dreamweaver as infamous as Quincy Safehaven at a Celebration of such great import as this is, quite frankly, a catastrophe waiting to happen. He may be a well-meaning fool,” Astraeus continued. “But his ‘antics’ can hardly be tolerated during such a significant event.”

“Oh come now, Quincy is harmless,” Syrena gently chided.

“Harmless?!” Astraeus exclaimed, his eyes wide with shock. “He’s infamous for turning delicate situations into total chaos. What if his ‘helpful’ ideas disrupt the energy of the Convergence? Or worse, draw unwanted attention from abyssal forces still lingering? The last thing we need is an abyssal creature summoned out of his whimsical nonsense!”

“Councilor Astraeus makes a valid point,” Councilor Nyxiella, who had been silent up until now, observed in her typically quiet and reflective manner. “The Abyssal threat has not been fully quelled, and their reach is long, even from afar. In addition, while our divination abilities may be greatly enhanced during the Trilunial Convergence, that same increase in mystic power shall also place the world in a heightened state of chaos, a kaleidoscopic maelstrom of potentialities that shall invariably render any insights we may glean about an impending threat virtually useless.”

“Yes,” Callistio added. “And allowing Quincy Safehaven’s presence at so critical a juncture makes such a possibility a thousand times more treacherous!”

“The Full Moon Celebration is open to all,” Councilor Solonar noted solemnly, Lunella’s venerable mentor adding his voice to the discussion for the first time. “We cannot bar him entry.”

“Maybe so,” Callisto conceded while giving the renowned lunar sage a stern look. “But you cannot tell me that Queen Celestia of all people will take responsibility for keeping him in line. When Lunella assumes that form, she will be far too self-absorbed to care about Quincy's mischief, or anything else, for that matter. Yes,” he added with a self assured nod. “She will likely be far too busy basking in her own reflection to notice anything going awry.”

“You underestimate her,” Syrena cut in. “Our Lunar Queen may be grandiose, but her power is undeniable. She can rein him in if necessary.”

“If she chooses to,” Nyxiella replied pointedly. “But the question remains, will she even notice? Quincy is not a minor concern. His actions could spiral into disaster, especially with so much power in the air. Tell us, Lunella,” Nyxiella inquired, her sharp eyes fixing the young astromancer with a piercing gaze. “Do you truly believe that you can prevent Queen Celestia’s arrogance from blinding you to the subtler dangers this potentiality represents?”

For a moment, Lunella was silent, her mind quickly considering all the various concerns that had just been voiced, as well as her own uncertainties. The burden the moons’ had placed upon her was a heavy one indeed, yet, it was one she firmly intended to carry to the best of her abilities. Thus, when she finally spoke, it was with a well-practiced calmness and serenity.

“Esteemed members of the council,” she began. “I fully acknowledge your concerns and I well understand the risks. My… exuberance when I take on the mantle of Queen Celestia is well known. I do not deny that. And Quincy Safehaven is undoubtedly unpredictable. But he is not malicious. I have journeyed with him, and I believe that, with the right approach, his most excessive frivolities can be contained. As for my own transformation into Queen Celestia,” the lunar mage continued, taking a deep breath. “I will not pretend to have control over all aspects of my personality when I assume that form, and once the Trilunial Convergence completes, that queenly persona will have even greater dominance over me then ever. But even in that altered state, my foremost duty is to protect our people. I believe that, should danger arise, my regal power will not be squandered on vanity alone. I may become vastly more egotistical as Queen Celestia, but I am still bound by the will of the moons.”

“And what if you’re wrong, Lunella?” Astraeus asked, not even bothering to hide his skepticism. “What if the convergence leaves you too lost in Celestia’s regal indulgence to care about anything other than your own vanity?”

“Then it falls to all of you to remind me,” Lunella responded, her voice unwavering as she resolutely held Astraeus’s harsh gaze. “To remind your Lunar Queen of her duty, and of the reason we stand united beneath the full, majestic light of the three moons. We are not just protectors of our world,” she continued. “We are protectors of each other. If I should falter in the face of vanity, it will be your voices that bring me back.”

At this, the chamber fell into a contemplative silence, the tension still lingering but now mixed with a sense of solidarity. The council members exchanged glances, some more convinced than others, before Nyxiella finally spoke.

“Well said, Lunella,” she commended with a formal nod, the corners of her mouth curling in the faintest hint of a smile. “We shall all endeavor to fulfill the unique responsibilities the moons have bestowed upon each of us, and so we must prepare for every potentiality.”

“I have faith in you, Lunella,” Syrena told the young lunar mage with a soft smile. “No matter what disruptions may occur, I believe that our majestic and radiant Queen of the Full Moon will rise to the occasion.”

“As do I,” Solonar concurred with a sagacious nod. “Lunella is my most prized student, and never once has she failed to uphold the trust I’ve placed in her. Thus, I am confident that this coming celebration shall be no exception.”

“I only hope you’re right,” Astraeus begrudgingly conceded. “But should things get out of hand, we will be ready.”

“Of course,” Solonar acknowledged. “As I have confidence in Lunella, so too do I have confidence that every member of this esteemed council will do their part to ensure the celebration is a worthy reflection of the moons’ glory.”

“Even if, in Chondonis’s case, that’s eating his fill of moon cakes,” Syrena quipped with a teasing smirk, eliciting a hearty chuckle from the portly councilor in question.

“May the moons guide us all…” Callistio said with a weary sigh, signaling a conclusion to the meeting.

Lunella bowed her head slightly, feeling the weight of their concerns and hopes. As the council adjourned, she allowed herself one last glance toward the night sky, where the three moons hung in perfect alignment, their combined light already growing stronger.

“May the moons guide us all…” she whispered.




How could the moons not guide their most majestic and magnificent monarch? Queen Celestia mused, even her very thoughts suffused with an imperious arrogance that throughly swept away every last one of her earlier concerns. Especially on an eve as enchanting and glorious as this?

High above, the three moons filled the firmament with their full grandeur, allowing the Lunar Cities’ shimmering towers, crystal pathways, and opalescent domes to gleam even more splendiferously than ever. Unsurprisingly, the fantastical festivities taking place within them were also greatly augmented by the waxing orbs’ glamorous glow. The Moonlight Monarch herself had just taken part in a most splendid moonflower viewing with Orion Emberflare and was now returning to the grand ballroom, her shapely hips swaying hypnotically as she strode down the gilded moonstone corridor. The tap of her bejeweled high heels announced her presence with each supremely confident step, while Orion and the rest of her entourage followed behind her. With her elaborate attire shimmering with the light of a thousand stars and her luxurious, azure tresses cascading like a celestial waterfall, her every aspect demanded awe and reverence. These were provided in abundance by the crowds of adoring subjects that lined the promenade down which she made her stately passage, bowing low and showering her with praise. As the light of the three moons sparkled in her azure eyes, the corners of Queen Celestia’s mouth curved into a self-satisfied smile. This was what she craved, and indeed, what she deserved. It was, after all, only natural for such beauty, such power, such perfection to be adored. All was right in the world under her divine light, and it was her subjects’ great honor and privilege to bask in it.

Yet, this moment of sublime peace and perfection was shattered an instant later, as the air was rent by a shockingly discordant squawk…

Her azure eyes widening in a mixture of indignation and horror, Queen Celestia’s pace quickened, and upon reaching the ballroom, the Moonlight Monarch gasped as she beheld a scene of utter chaos.

A commotion stirred at the far end of the vast chamber, near where the lunar orchestra had been playing a serene moon melody on their celestial instruments. However, their once gentle and haunting notes were now drowned out by the shrill cackling of a... giant chicken? Yes, towering above the fleeing revelers was a colossal, clucking bird. Its silvery, metallic feathers glowed faintly with moonlight, while its bizarre beak resembled an enlarged and horribly misshapen lunar horn, from which spewed a stream of equally enormous and malformed prismatic musical notes. The panicked crowd parted as the monstrosity wobbled forward, its massive, metallic wings flapping wildly, creating gusts of wind that knocked over delicate decorations and trays of mooncakes. The absurd avian’s beady, confused eyes glinted under the three moons as it pecked aimlessly at some of the glowing lanterns surrounding it, the impacts snuffing out their illumination and rending the air with a cacophonous clang, which rivaled the most out of tune celestial cymbal.

Queen Celestia, who had been mid-step, came to an abrupt halt. Her radiant features contorted into a visage of supreme offense, her eyebrows arched so high they could have reached the stars themselves. Her gaze, sharp and filled with disdain, swept across the hall, moving from the panicking crowd to the clucking colossus that was utterly ruining her perfect evening.

“By the Moons…” the vision of lunar loveliness gasped in utmost indignation, even as a musician, his visage pale with panic, ran toward the Moonlight Monarch, clutching his chest.

“Y-Your Majesty!” he stammered, pointing at the giant chicken. “My Lunar Horn! H-He… H-He turned it into that thing!

He? Celestia echoed, fearing she knew full well who the musician was referring to. “Who dares to tarnish our most splendiferous eve?!” she demanded, her imperious voice suffused with regal fury. “Who dares to tarnish the most glorious night of the Trilunial Convergence, and to do so in our divine presence, no less?!”

“I’m afraid this is Quincy Safehaven’s doing,” the weary voice of Solonar replied as he stepped beside her and gestured to where the Dreamweaver was in the midst of a heated argument with his Dream Familiar, Ennui.

Quincy… Celestia seethed, her azure eyes narrowing. High above, the light of the three moons seemed to gleam even more brightly as if responding to the brewing storm within her. “But… How was this allowed to happen?! We assigned Zephyr to keep watch over him!”

“Unfortunately, Your Majesty, Zephyr Thornweaver appears to have been woefully unsuited to the task,” Solonar replied.

“I told you that menace would ruin everything!” Callistio roared as he rushed by, the blasts of mystic energy from his moonstone staff not harming the avian abomination in the slightest. “And now it has come to pass!”

“Guard thy tongue, commoner!” Celestia snapped as she fixed Callistio’s fleeing form with a stern glare. “We shall abide no disrespect from our subjects! If thou hath nothing useful to contribute, then we bid thee be silent!”

No sooner had this command left the Celestial Sovereign’s azure lips, then a shriek of terror snapped her attention back to where a young girl had fallen in the path of the trumpet-chicken’s wobbling advance. The Moonlight Monarch’s eyes widened in horror upon realizing that the endangered maiden was none other than…

“Eilidh!” Celestia cried, before swiftly conjuring a lunar eclipse shield above her imperiled little sister, the barrier of celestial energy blocking the creature’s cymbal-like feet. No sooner had this celestial barrier been formed, then a barrage of shimmering moonbeams from the Queen’s raised scepter forced the absurd avian back. Rushing over with purposeful strides, the Moonlight Monarch knelt beside her sister and offered the girl her hand. “Art thou all right?!” she inquired, her voice filed with urgency.

“I-I’m okay,” Eilidh replied. “T-Thanks to you, sis!” the girl added with a bright smile as she was helped to her feet. “You’re so amazing!” she gushed, giving her regal sister a big hug.

“Of, course we art, cherished subject,” the queenly beauty replied, smiling down at her sister with a supremely confident smirk. “And thou art most welcome,” she added in a considerably more tender tone as she affectionally stroked Eilidh’s hair. Yet, as much as she wished to bask in her sister's reverence and admiration, Celestia knew the monster Quincy’s magic had given birth to needed to be dealt with, and quickly. Indeed, even now, it was bombarding her barrier with a torrent of prismatic musical notes. “Solonar!” the Lunar Queen called to her sagely mentor, her voice filled with regal authority. “Guide our dear sister and the rest of our treasured subjects to safety. Thou as well, Orion,” she added.

“Queen Celestia!” a young girl in extravagant attire similar to that worn by Celestia herself called to the Moonlight Monarch. “H-How can I help?!”

“Thou may assist with organizing the evacuation, dear regent,” Celestia replied. “Thy most grand and glorious queen shall attend to this vile beast!” Pointing the glowing tip of her royal scepter at the enormous instrument-bird and striking an imperious pose, she declared, “Royal guards! We call thee to arms! Remove this wretched creature from our sight at once!”

At her command, a dozen Celestial Guardians, present in case of just such an eventuality, rushed into action, their armored forms gleaming with all the radiance of the firmament.

“Aw yeah!” a female guardian with draconic features cried in exultation. “Finally some action!”

“Control yourself, Mayra!” their leader, the mighty Paragon Portentia Parellis, commanded the overly energetic night dragon. “We are in the presence of the illustrious Lunar Queen. Thus, we shall vanquish this foe, while maintaining the proper demeanor and comportment our Moonlight Monarch expects of us!”

“Killjoy…” Mayra muttered.

“Despair not, young Mayra,” the mighty Aetherion Avollonis intoned, placing a hand on the draconic maiden’s armored shoulder. “Behold, the foe stands before us, and battle is joined! Come! With the Astral Sentinel’s guidance, may our blows strike true!”

Empowered by both the light of the three moons as well as the commanding aura of their celestial sovereign, the guardians surged forward, their glowing weapons slicing through the stream of misshapen musical notes with effortless ease. Yet, just before they could strike the creature itself, the absurd avian employed a new tactic. With a mighty flap of its wings, it created a massive shockwave, a blast of air that sent the guardians pinwheeling backwards across the vast chamber. But that wasn’t all. The great gust also propelled a volley of razor-sharp, enchanted feathers that glistened with eerily warped moonlight. These perilous projectiles fell upon the fallen guardians in a fearsome torrent, piercing both mystic shield and enchanted metal to slice deep wounds into their stellar skin and scales.

“Such prodigious power!” Aetherion exclaimed in horrified astonishment. “This malign creature is truly a foe most formidable!”

“Yeah, he sure does pack a wallop!” Mayra agreed with a chuckle as she staggered to her feet, arcs of blue lightning crackling around her clenched fist. “But I’m ready for round two!”

Yet, such a rematch was not to be…

“Remain where thou art!” Queen Celestia commanded in an icy tone filled with annoyance. “It hath become quite clear to us that thou art no match for this abominable beast.” Raising her chin in a most haughty manner, her voice dripped with disdain as she declared, “It would seem that once again we must take matters into our own supremely capable hands. As usual, the Queen must restore order when lesser beings fail,” she added, casting a disparaging glare at the defeated Celestial Guardians. “Yet, perhaps this outcome is indeed for the best,” the vision of lunar loveliness mused, giving her cerulean tresses a dramatic flip, while her azure lips curled into a cocky smirk. “For it shall allow us a most fitting opportunity to display the full majestic might of our most grand and glorious self!”

However, even as this pompous proclamation was uttered, the trumpet-chicken slammed its celestial cymbal feet into the hall’s polished floor, creating a massive shockwave that not only shattered Celestia’s mystic barriers, but even sapped away some of her own lunar energies. This last aspect was an indignity the Moonlight Monarch refused to abide, an aura of shimmering moon glow forming around her as she regathered her profound power.

“Foul abomination,” the royal beauty declared in a voice so cold and regal it could have frozen the oceans. “We hath tolerated thy antics long enough! Thou hath dared to interrupt our moment of glory, to usurp our rightful position of primacy, and for that, we shall not be merciful! Now thou shalt face the unbridled fury of Celestia, Queen of the Full Moon!”

With an imperious flick of her wrist, Celestia summoned a dazzling sphere of moonlight, the light of all three moons swirling and concentrating into a glowing orb of pure energy. The sky above seemed to tremble as she raised her arms high, the moons' radiance reflecting off her in all her glorious splendor. “Behold the unmatched power of our eternally exalted and manifestly magnificent self!” she proclaimed. “Let all witness how we bend the very cosmos to our will!”

With that, the waxing energies of the glowing sphere shot forth as a massive beam of concentrated moonlight, one which seemed destined to utterly annihilate the abominable avian. Yet, just before the radiant lance could strike its target, it vanished into the depths of a hastily-erected wall of darkness, formed by the twisted creature’s widely-spread wings. At the sight of her foe’s umbral barrier fully eclipsing the moonlit might of her stupendous attack, Celestia’s haughty visage shifted to one of utter revulsion.

Such effrontery! To so comprehensively negate an attack of such majestic magnitude… It is simply inconceivable! Yet, even with her overwhelming arrogance, Celestia was forced to concede that the same lunar energies that had elevated her to new pinnacles of power were also providing that same empowerment to her abhorrent adversary. No matter… It is still a creature of chaos. As such, it shall not employ that ability again, a failing that shall be its undoing…

Even as these thoughts raced through the royal beauty’s mind, the source of her ire began bouncing closer, its metallic wings flapping wildly, while its cymbal feet filled the hall with a discordant clang after every hop. At the height of its fourth bounce, the creature unleashed a rapid fire hail of glowing eggs upon both Celestia and the wounded Celestial Guardians.

“Dare thee approach us, insolent vermin?!” the regal maiden demanded with imperious indignation. “Doth thou not perceive the crown adorning our most resplendently regal self?! The testament of our divinely-appointed dominion?! No mortal monstrosity shall ever be permitted to touch our flawless form, nor shall any harm be allowed to come to those we deem worthy of our protection!” With a wave of her royal scepter, she conjured a veil of shimmering moonlight, which nullified the attack with contemptuous ease. “Know thee that this veil is woven from the perfection of our own divine essence!” Celestia informed the abhorrent avian. “Thus, no force shall be allowed to pierce it!”

However, while the eggs indeed shattered against mystical shield, a flock of smaller trumpet chickens emerged from their remains. Although, if anything, this latest development served only to amuse the Moonlight Monarch. Raising an elegant hand to cover her smirking azure lips, she unleashed a peal of haughty laughter.

“Oooohhh ho ho ho! How utterly pathetic! Thy pitiful attempts to cause harm to our cherished subjects and glorious self amuse us greatly, foul creature! In our most beneficent munificence, we shall provide thee with a display of true power!” Raising her gleaming scepter towards the heavens, Celestia unleashed a barrage of shimmering moonbeams upon her massive foe and its smaller “children”, the scintillating lances moving with elegance and precision to strike their targets despite any attempts at evasion, while leaving dazzling trails of moon dust in their wake. “Now, face the consequences of thy insolence!” Each of the smaller instrument birds were swiftly vaporized by the beams, and although their larger sire survived the attacks directed against it, the demented creature was still staggered by the rapid succession of blows, its bulbous body sent reeling backwards. “Yes!” the regal beauty exulted. “Bow before our incomparable brilliance! Verily, the divine energies of the very moons themselves dance at our command! Let these beams remind thee of thy proper place: beneath our feet!”

Yet, despite this minor setback, the feathered fiend was far from finished. Raising its misshapen head, it unleashed an otherworldly trumpeting caw that echoed across the ballroom-turned battlefield, a sound wave of warped magic which summoned a torrent of other mystical anomalies. Celestia watched in mounting fury as a cavalcade of lesser trumpet chickens, meteor-like eggs, and even rogue star fragments shaped like malformed musical notes rained down around her.

“Vile abomination…” she hissed, even as her shimmering celestial shield prevented any aspect of the bizarre barrage form striking her august personage or her fallen guardians. “We art the Queen of the Full Moon! Our regal splendor shall not be diminished and our divine dominion shall not be denied!”

Striking a dramatically imperious pose, the royal beauty raised her scepter high, mystical power swirling around its bejeweled tip. Glowing with redoubled radiance, the three moons bathed Celestia in a cascade of combined moonlight, enhancing her already magnified powers a hundredfold. “This eve is ours to reign over with unparalleled splendor!” she declared, pointing her astonishingly augmented scepter at her defiant foe. “Thou shall grovel before our imperial majesty and submit to our royal decree! Thus is the command of Queen Celestia!”

Even as she uttered these words of command, a cage of gleaming moonbeams formed around the trumpet chicken, the enchanted enclosure amplifying the mighty beam of raw lunar power Celestia subsequently unleashed from her royal scepter. This, coupled with the imperious power of her words, forced the malign monstrosity to submit to her regal decree. The abominable avian let out one final, pathetic squawk before it began to shrink, its massive wings collapsing inward as the lunar magic inexorably dissolved it back into its original form. In a final, blinding flash, the moonbeam cage dispersed to reveal the inanimate form of a humble Lunar Horn laying on the ballroom’s moonstone floor.

“As if we could lose!” Celestia boasted as she struck a triumphant victory pose, her azure lips curling into a supremely smug smirk.

The crowd, until then huddled at the hall’s entrance in hushed awe, now erupted into cheers and applause, showering Celestia with praise. The radiant queen soaked in their adulation, raising a hand to silence them only after she felt sufficiently lauded.

“As thou can see,” she said, her voice echoing with regal arrogance. “There is no challenge so dire, no threat so seemingly insurmountable, that it cannot be overcome by our most exalted and magnificent self!” Raising an elegant hand to cover her mouth, she gave voice to a peal of haughty laughter. “Oooohh ho ho ho hooo! Now that the abominable monstrosity hath been vanquished by our most incomparable hand, this celebration shall continue,” the Moonlight Monarch announced with a majestic sweep of her royal scepter. “And we shall ensure it is without any further interruption,” she added, casting a pointed glare in Quincy Safehaven’s direction. Then, turning to where the lunar orchestra had just reassumed their positions, she raised her arms grandly, commanding their attention. “We bid thee play on, for this evening must continue to be as magnificent as we art! Verily, the Trilunial Convergence is not a night to be sullied by foolishness,” she continued in her usual melodramatic fashion. “But one to honor us, the Queen of the Full Moon!”

With her regal composure restored, Queen Celestia smiled to herself, confident in the knowledge that both the night and the people's hearts undeniably belonged to her. She had vanquished the threat to her rule and ensured that the celebration would continue with renewed splendor. As if there was any doubt, the regal beauty thought to herself as her azure lips formed a cocky smirk. Indeed, it was an utterly indisputable fact that her radiance and power were unmatched by any who would seek to usurp her rightful place of primacy.

“You were absolutely incredible, Queen Celestia!” her regent gushed, the excited maiden’s eyes seeming to sparkle with awe.

“It pleases us that thou hath noticed,” Celestia replied with smug self assurance, before allowing a degree of warmth to enter her tone. “And we art also most pleased at how admirably thou hast carried out thine own assigned duties, dear regent,” she added, placing an elegant hand upon the girl’s shoulder. “Naturally, we were quite correct in choosing thee for thy most distinguished role,” the regal beauty continued, before dramatically sashaying away. “After all, our judgement is as flawless as our beauty! Verily, we art the most magnificently majestic being to ever grace the moonlit night!” she assured herself, while admiring her reflection in an ornate gilded mirror to make certain that the recent battle had not negatively affected her immaculate appearance in any perceivable way.

Once she was satisfied that her perfection had been preserved, the Moonlight Monarch turned to the task of ensuring that the potential for any further disruptions would be thoroughly curtailed. Setting into motion, her imperious strides delivered her to where Quincy Safehaven was surrounded by the recovered Celestial Guardians. Yet, before she could question the Dreamweaver, Solonar approached her.

“Your Majesty,” the lunar sage began. “It should interest you to know that Zephyr Thornweaver has been located, and the most skilled healers are currently ensuring their full recovery.”

“Whatever hath happened to them?!” Celestia inquired, her azure eyes widening at the implication of her mentor’s words.

“It would seem their elemental affinity was somehow shifted to paper, Solonar replied. “Poly-plenumic paper, at that. After which, something apparently caused them to combust…

At this, the queenly beauty’s head whirled around to glare sharp daggers at Quincy.

“I-I assure you, Your Majesty, I had absolutely nothing to do with that!” the Dreamweaver pleaded, falling prostrate before the Moonlight Monarch. “I-I didn’t even realize they were unwell!” he added, while bowing repeatedly.

“It’s the truth,” his Dream Familiar, Ennui said in a tired voice. “When we last saw Zephyr, they were going to watch some fireworks with a very… animated young woman.”

“Yes!” Quincy agreed. “She had the most lovely pink hair,” he added. “It perfectly complemented her aquamarine skin!”

Aquamarine skin? Celestia reflected. Pink hair?

“Starling…” Solonar muttered with an annoyed scowl, voicing the name that had already entered Celestia’s mind. “I should have known…”

“Be that as it may, it still doth not explain why the two of you were separated,” Celestia noted pointedly. “Zephyr was tasked with keeping watch over thee by our own most magnificent self,” she added. “We should think they would not so readily disregard our orders!”

“The amplification of chaotic energies, due to Luminara’s waxing, may have had something to do with it, Your Majesty,” Solonar postulated.

“And, well, they thought we would be going with them,” Ennui added. “But Quincy ended up getting distracted…”

“Why does that not surprise me?” Solonar sighed wearily.

“I was only trying to be polite!” Quincy protested from where he knelt prostrate. “One of that pink-haired young lady’s sisters suggested we might enlist some members of the orchestra to provide ambient accompaniment for the fireworks display, and then her other sister told me about a joke she found rather confusing, at which point, I—”

“Wait, did you say sisters? Solonar asked with a puzzled frown.

“Yes, they were quite clearly triplets,” Quincy confirmed. “They even sounded alike!”

“But Staceella Starling doesn’t have any siblings…” Solonar murmured.

“Actually, I believe they said they weren’t exactly sisters,” Ennui spoke up. “But rather—”

“I saw them, too!” Eilidh chimed in as she hurried over, inadvertently cutting off the dream familiar’s revelation. “They were asking about Staceella. I guess they found her…” she added, her voice trailing off as the implication of what that discovery had apparently led to fully sank in.

Celestia’s eyes had continued to narrow with each new piece of information revealed. Placing an elegant hand on her shapely hip, while pointing her royal scepter at the still groveling Quincy, the queenly beauty’s voice finally rang out. “We command thee to cease thy pathetic display of obeisance and rise, Dreamweaver. Now then, cherished subjects,” she added, pointing her bejeweled scepter’s gleaming tip at Quincy, Ennui, and Eilidh in turn. “We bid thee, tell us everything…




An hour earlier, Eilidh was watching in rapt awe as Queen Celestia gave a truly captivating performance on the dance floor, the Moonlight Monarch gliding through even the most complex movements with effortless grace while clearly reveling in the attention being lavished upon her.

“Your sister is so beautiful…” Eilidh’s friend, Celinde, sighed blissfuly, while placing her hands over her heart. “I could watch her for hours…” the soft spoken girl added with a dreamy smile.

“She truly is incredible,” Eilidh agreed. “And I couldn’t be more proud of her,” she added. “It’s just so inspiring how she can make everyone so happy that they forget all their troubles!”

“Well, almost everyone…” Celinde corrected as she nervously glanced to where her elder sister, Caleena, was watching Celestia’s performance with an annoyed frown.

“I simply can’t understand how anyone could admire such a preening prima donna,” Caleena scoffed. “All she cares about is stroking her own over-inflated ego. Her so-called ‘subjects’ exist to serve her, not the other way around.”

“That’s not true!” Eilidh shot back in defense of her beloved sister. “Lunella may become more arrogant and self absorbed when she transforms into Queen Celestia, but she still cares deeply about others! Look at what she just did for Lunette!” she added, gesturing to where Celestia’s newly-appointed regent sat bedecked in regal splendor atop the Moonlight Monarch’s gilded throne.

“Yes!” Celinde agreed with an eager smile. “She looks so happy up there!”

“Oh, please. That was obviously nothing more than a patronizing favor, given out in response to how shamelessly Lunette was fawning over her earlier,” Caleena retorted with a dismissive hair flip. “I imagine anyone could receive such treatment if they debased themselves a sufficient amount. Not only that, but her vaunted mystical abilities provide nothing more than flashy spectacle, devoid of any practical value whatsoever. Still, I suppose someone who only employed her own magic to entertain children with insipid displays of glowing colors would find it appealing,” she added, while giving Eilidh a derisive sneer.

Although the accusation stung, Eilidh chose to ignore it. As far as she was concerned, helping others was the primary purpose of mystical abilities, no matter how they were employed, but she knew Caleena didn’t see things that way. For her, it was just a means of gaining respect and renown. In fact, Eilidh strongly suspected that the real reason for Caleena’s enmity toward her royal sister was due to jealousy at the fact that Celestia’s dazzling presence had completely eclipsed any celebration, or even recognition, of Caleena’s own recent prestigious induction into the Astromancers’ League. That said, the queen’s kind-hearted little sister wisely decided not to voice this sentiment. Indeed, even as these thoughts crossed Eilidh’s mind, Caleena’s embittered rant had continued unabated.

“In fact,” Caleena was saying. “It is my honest opinion that, while she is under the effects of this absurdly ostentatious transformation, Lunella is only marginally less annoying than that utterly insufferable dimwit, Sta—”

“Hey! Hey!” a new voice called out with eager excitement, cutting Caleena off mid-sentence. “Do you guys know Stacy?!”

At this, the trio’s attention snapped to a strangely familiar pair of pink-haired young women who were rushing over to them with a severe lack of dignity or decorum. The first seemed to be an odd patchwork of various disjointed pieces and parts, while the second looked as if she were composed of some form of translucent, gelatinous slime. Even so, the pair shared enough similarities that Eilidh wouldn’t have been surprised if they said they were sisters, and twins at that. Or maybe, even triplets…

“U-Um, do you perhaps mean Staceella…?” Eilidh asked, recoiling slightly when the pair stopped only after they’d thoroughly invaded her personal space.

“Uh, yeah!” the patchwork girl confirmed with a big grin. “That’s totally who I meant!”

“Oh, wow! That’s crazy cool!” the gelatinous girl added. “Her name’s, like, all super fancy and stuff!”

“I know, right?!” the patchwork girl agreed. “So, uh, do ya know her?!” she asked Eilidh again.

“Y-Yes,” Eilidh confirmed. “She’s a fellow student at the Lunar Academy.”

“Don’t remind me…” Caleena muttered. “She is, without question, the absolute worst student in the academy’s history,” the silver-haired stargazer went on. “It is truly a riddle for the ages why she hasn’t been expelled yet…”

“S-She’s not that bad…” Celinde whispered.

“Um, do you happen to be… related to her, by any chance?” Eilidh inquired of the pink haired pair.

“Yeah, I guess ya could say that!” the patchwork girl replied with a laugh.

“So, what’s this Stacy, I mean, Staceella, like?!” the gelatinous girl asked. “I bet we’ve got lots of stuff in common!”

“Like using the farm strategy in chess!” the patchwork girl added.

“Well…” Eilidh began hesitantly.

“Why don’t you ask her yourselves?” Caleena cut in. “That’s her over there,” she added, pointing to where an animated girl with teal skin, pink hair, and a star-tipped antenna sticking out of her head was chatting with a considerably more subdued young lady with dark hair, pale skin and distinctive red eyes. “The one with stardust coming out of her mouth.”

“Oh wow!” the patchwork girl exclaimed with a big grin.

“That’s crazy cool!” the gelatinous girl added with an equally delighted smile.

“Like, thanks a bunch!” the pair called back in unison as they raced over to the girl that could very well have been their sister if Eilidh didn’t know any better.

“Gosh, they sounded just like Staceella…” Celinde murmured.

“And acted like her, too,” Caleena muttered.

“They really did…” Eilidh agreed, unable to keep a twinge of worry from creeping into her thoughts.

“Well, at least they’re no longer bothering us, Caleena declared. “Although I don’t even need to employ divination to know that their little meeting will result in absolutely nothing good,” she added, gesturing to where the uncanny pair had begun chatting with their look-alike.

Although Eilidh remained silent, in the depths of her heart, she couldn’t help but feel with dreadful certainty that Caleena was right…




This would be the night, Ramona Redmoon swore to herself. The night that all her painstakingly prepared plans would at long last come to fabulous fruition. The night on which she would finally remove the most agonizing aspect of her young life once and for all. Yes, this would be the night she would finally kill Staceella Starling…

To say Staceella was annoying would have been the understatement of the millennium, but to make matters even worse, the girl was utterly oblivious to anything that might conflict with her own deranged worldview. In fact, she was so delusionally dense, she still had yet to realize that her “best friend” Ramona actually hated her with such a blazing passion that she had tried to end their “friendship” (by ending Staceella’s life) no less than six times already. First, Ramona had tried to simply poison her, but the Dreamer’s Moon had been in its Nightmare Phase, and instead of making the poison more nightmarishly effective, it had made Ramona’s own nightmare a reality, by turning the poison into a panacea that would provide Staceella with a complete immunity to all poisons for the rest of her life. Next, during a trip to the Eternal Carnival, she had tricked Staceella into challenging the Grandmaster of Games to a duel in which the loser would be transformed into an inanimate playing piece. However, Staceella had been allowed to choose the game, and after picking one of her own warped design, it was unsurprising that she had emerged victorious. Then there was the time Ramona had led her to the Divergent Peaks and into a cavern filled with Cacaphonian Shrike Bats, creatures whose sanity-shredding screeches could burst apart an unprotected skull in mere seconds. But, somehow, Staceella had been entirely unaffected (Ramona would later discover that the blissfully ignorant girl had been trying out a medicinal goblin earwax sample provided by a traveling alchemist). In fact, rather than suffering a fatal cranial detonation, Staceella had actually joined in on the bats’ “song”, her tone deaf affront to music instead causing the screeching scourges themselves to burst apart in a “show of appreciation”. After that, the fact that Staceella was able to navigate her way out of the cavern’s labyrinthian paths was practically a forgone conclusion (it didn’t hurt that the mountain itself had agreed to serve as her guide after she’d happily befriended it).

Yet, still Ramona pressed on undaunted, even as the Riddle Regent of the Nomadic Wastes’s puzzle contest was solved thanks to the ill-timed appearance of the Shifting Moon, and the visit to the House of Doors had merely caused Staceella to travel to her own bedroom closet. Finally, at the last Full Moon Celebration, Ramona had tricked Staceella into purchasing (and eating) a Stellar Shimmerling Swarm Sphere from a visiting merchant from the Celestial Archipelago (not to be confused with the Harmonious Archipelago). However, instead of devouring the ditzy girl from the inside out, the Shimmerlings had bonded to her, transforming Staceella into a bizarre Lunatic-Shimmerling hybrid/fusion…thing… As if she wasn’t annoying enough, she now sported bright teal skin which clashed horribly with her already eyesore-inducing pink hair, suction cups on her fingers that made unwanted hugs even more inescapable, and a single, star-tipped head antenna that at least served to alert anyone nearby to her presence. That is, if they hadn’t already heard her coming from miles away…

“Hey, Ramona!” Staceella called out, waving her hand enthusiastically as Ramona made her way over to where her “best friend” was practically bouncing up and down with excitement. “Isn’t this, like, the crazy coolest Full Moon Celebration ever?! she asked, a stream of glowing, five pointed stars flowing from her mouth to join the cloud of shimmering luminaries that seemed to constantly envelop the bubbly girl.

“It’s… certainly something…” the famously anti-social Ramona replied with a slight scowl as she glanced around the crowded ballroom. “And I have a little present for you that’s sure to make it even cooler, she added with a knowing smile as she produced a small package from the folds of her robe, her composure now fully restored in the wake of its momentary lapse.

“Oh wow! What is it?!” Staceella asked, her already star-filled eyes seeming to sparkle with even greater intensity as she fixed her full, hyperactive attention on the mystery package.

Ramona’s grin became even more mischievous as she lowered her voice to a conspiratorial tone. “Fireworks,” she revealed. “And not normal ones, either. These have some very… special properties.”

Indeed they did, Ramona reflected with a mental smirk. In fact, she had purchased them from the same merchant that had sold Staceella the Stellar Shimmerling Swarm Sphere. While that attempt had ended in failure, in the most delicious of all ironies, it had led Ramona to an even better plan. After making a long and detailed study of Shimmerlings, she had discovered that their most rapacious natural enemies were the Crimson Flareites, energy beings that could utterly incinerate an entire swarm of Shimmerlings in mere seconds. As such, what better way could there be of eliminating the hybrid host of such a swarm then gifting her with a case filled with an entire hive’s worth of Flareites disguised as innocuous fireworks? There would, of course, be a full, spectacular display of actual fireworks later that evening (indeed, the location of Queen Celestia’s opulent throne had been chosen precisely so that the grandiose display would serve as the perfect backdrop to her own magnificent splendor), but Staceella was blissfully ignorant of that fact. Thus, with her present promising to be the only fireworks the easily captivated girl could possibly see, the prospect of her making use of them this very night became an absolute certainty…

“Oh my freaking moons! That’s, like, totally super awesome! Staceella cheered, sending a stream of glittering stars spilling over her “friend”. “Thanks so much, bestie!” she added, giving Ramona a very tight (and very unwanted) hug. “You’re the greatest!”

“U-Uh, yeah…” Ramona replied, cringing as she did her best to endure the bone-crushing hug. “O-Of course I am. Now, why don’t you go try them out?” she suggested. “As it happens, I know the perfect place for you to laun—”

“Hey! Hey!” a disturbingly familiar voice called out, cutting her off mid-syllable. “You’re Staceella, right?!”

Turning to face the source of the excited call, Ramona was horrified to see a pair of young women rushing toward her, each of whom bore an uncanny resemblance to Staceella. Although one seemed to be a patchwork of parts and the other some form of gelatinous slime, they both had the same unmistakeable pink hair as Staceella. And, far, far worse, they also had her voice…

“Oh, wow!” the gelatinous pinkette exclaimed, her eyes wide as saucers and her delighted grin spread from ear to ear. “And you’ve got your own Ramona, too!”

Her own Ramona?! the red-eyed girl in question wondered, her thoughts a frenzied maelstrom of confusion and terror. N-No… I-It can’t be possible! One Staceella was awful enough, and now there’s three of them?!

Yet, while Ramona was having her mental freak out of soul-crushing horror, Staceella was having a freak out of a vastly different kind…

“Holy freaking crap!” the star-covered girl exclaimed with a level of exuberance to mach that displayed by her two uncanny doppelgängers. “You guys look just like me! Well, kinda.”

“That’s because we are you!” the patchwork lookalike replied.

“We’re both Stacy Sterling!” her gelatinous companion added. “Which is sorta like your name but waaay less cool!”

“Oh, but to make things less confusing, you can call me Stacy Stitches!” patchwork Stacy announced.

“And you can call me Cyberslime Stacy!” the gelatinous Stacy added. “I mean, I’m technically made of nanoslime, but that doesn’t have the same crazy cool alliteration thing goin’ on!”

“No way!” Staceella exclaimed with a gleeful smile as yet another torrent of stars spilled out of her mouth. “So you’re, like, other ‘me’s from other universes?!”

“Yeah!” Stacy Stitches confirmed. “I’m from Gizmotropolis! It’s full of mad scientists and stuff!”

“And I’m from Neon York!” Cyberslime Stacy added.

“It’s like this crazy cool cyberpunk megacity place!” Stacey Stitches explained

“Oh wow!” Staceella cheered in delight. “That’s, like, the crazy coolest thing ever! Even if I have no idea what some of those words mean, it’s still, like, totally lunar! Oh gosh!” she added a moment later, her star-filled eyes widening as a thought forced its way into her hyperactive brain. “If there are other ‘me’s… well… other uses, does that mean there are other Ramonas?!”

At the sound of that inquiry, the girl in question’s crimson eyes widened as a realization of her own suddenly dawned…

Wait… This could actually be a good thing… If these Staceys, or Staceellas, or whatever have Ramonas of their own, then those duplicates of me probably want to be rid of her just as much as I do! And now I have the opportunity to make that happen…

“Yeah! There totally are!” Cyberslime Stacey confirmed happily.

“She’s totally our BFF!” Stacey Stitches added.

“My Ramona’s a crazy cool hacker who can do all kinds of awesome things with computers and stuff!” Cyberslime Stacey explained.

“And my Ramona’s a crazy cool witch who uses super spooky shadow magic, and puts curses on people!” Stacey Stitches added.

“Wow! That’s, like, super gibbous!” Staceella replied. “Ramona’s my BFF, too! I don’t know what computers are, so I can’t say if she’s good with them or not, but she can do some cool shadowy type spell things during eclipses,” the star-covered girl added. “Although what she’s really crazy talented at is blood moon magic!”

“Um, what exactly brings you two here?” Ramona spoke up in an effort to divert the conversation away from herself.

“Oh, right!” Stacy Stitches exclaimed her single eye going wide. “I totally forgot!”

“Yeah, and so did I!” Cyberslime Stacy added.

“We’re here because my boss, Doc Zinestine, wants me to find as many different versions of me that I can from across the entire freakin’ multiverse so we can all go on a crazy cool super important mission together!” Stacy Stitches explained.

“That sounded crazy awesome, and totally the sorta thing a super cool hero like me would do, so I joined up right away!” Cyberslime Stacy added.

“Then we went to find you, but it was really tough searching through this crazy cool party ya got goin’ on!” Stacy Stitches noted.

“Yeah!” Cyberslime Stacy agreed. “This is the crazy coolest party I’ve ever seen!”

“And you’ve got crazy awesome food here, too!” Stacy Stitches added.

“Especially those glowy moon pastry things!” Cyberslime Stacy chimed in. “We both love those!”

“Yep! Yep!” Stacy Stitches concurred with a few rapid nods. “They were super yummers!”

“Aren’t they great?!” Staceella said with a jubilant grin. “Oh, and this is our monthly Full Moon Celebration!” she explained. “It’s aways super fun, but because all three of the moons are full, it’s even more awesome than usual! That’s because all of the moons have crazy powers,” she explained. “And when they’re full, their powers get even crazier and make all sorts of amazing stuff happen! I mean, just look at tonight! Not only did I get to meet the two of you, I get to go on a crazy cool adventure with ya, too! Oh, and I also got these super awesome fireworks from Ramona!” she added, showing off the box. “I’m sure if this was just a single full moon dealie, none of that would have happened!”

“Wow! So what you’re sayin’ is, we were only able to find ya cuz of the moons?!” Stacy Stitches asked. “That’s, like, all kinds of nuts! But, like, in a good way!” she hastened to add.

“Totally!” Cyberslime Stacy agreed. “But wait a minute! Did you say fireworks?!

“That’s right!” Staceella confirmed. “And they’re supposed to be waaay cooler than normal fireworks, too! But I have no idea how, which just makes it even better!

“Why don’t you shoot them off together?” Ramona suggested with a smirk, having heard enough “crazy cool”s and “super awesome”s in the past several seconds to last her several lifetimes and desperately wanting to move the rambling conversation in a more productive direction. “You know, to celebrate this big adventure you’ll be going on?”

“That’s a great idea!” Stacy Stitches declared.

“Yeah!” Cyberslime Stacy agreed. “You’re just as crazy smart as my Ramona!” she told the crimson-eyed blood moon mage.

And you’re just as annoying and stupid as my Staceella…

“Naturally,” Ramona replied with a facade of easy nonchalance that was growing ever more difficult to maintain. “After all, she and I are essentially the same person, correct?” And we probably both hate you just as much… “Now, it just so happens I know the prefect place for you to launch them,” she continued. “There’s a nice secluded little balcony on the edge of the Lunar Gardens that overlooks the moonflower fields. Their soft luminescence should create an ideal ambiance for your display,” she explained. And it will keep anyone from stopping you from making the biggest mistake of your lives…

“Holy freaking crap! That place sounds crazy cool!” Stacy Stitches declared with her typical exuberance.

“It totally does! Staceella agreed. “And I think I even know how to get there, too!”

“I’m glad I don’t need to get you a map,” Ramona quipped. Even then, Staceella was hopeless when it came to reading them.

“And even if we get lost, I can stretch my neck like a periscope and totally find out where we need to go!” Cyberslime Stacy added.

“I have no idea what a periscope is, but I’d still love to see that!” Staceella declared.

“All right, guys!” Stacy Stitches announced, thrusting her fist into the air. “Let’s get goin’!”

“Have fun,” Ramona bid the trio with a sly smirk as she watched them depart. Being devoured by Flareites…

Yes, even if the two Stacys weren’t hosts for Shimmerling swarms as Staceella was, the rapacious Flareites would almost certainly consume them in their ruinous flames as well. After all, the only thing the crimson-hued energy insects were attracted to more was poly-plenumic parchment, and even then, one would need to gather a stack of the exceedingly rare material at least six feet tall for them to take any interest. What were the chances of that happening? No, this would be the night she finally claimed victory over Staceella. Ramona was certain of it.




With their lush greenery, colorful bioluminescent flowers, softly glowing lanterns, and ornate moonstone arches, the Lunar Gardens were the perfect place for those seeking serene seclusion. Yet, while they would have almost certainly been filled with several dozen meditation circles during the Darkmoon Contemplations, on the night of a Full Moon Celebration (and one occurring on a Trilunial Convergence no less), everyone would be far too busy making merry to bother with taking even a peaceful stroll, to say nothing of engaging in deep meditation. This was something Ramona had been banking on when she suggested the location to Staceella. Unfortunately for the blood moon mage, she was not the only individual to get such an inspired idea that enchanted eve…

“Truly this is a garden of delights to rival any in the Elemental Enclave!” Zephyr Thornweaver marveled as they strolled beside Quincy Safehaven, while the Dreamweaver’s gloomy familiar, Ennui, trailed dispassionately behind the pair, her arms crossed over her chest as she gave voice to a tired sigh.

This is such an annoyance, but I suppose it can’t be helped, Ennui reflected as her small form lazily drifted through the air between the branches of ancient moonwillows and whispering glowvines. After all, I’d rather not think about the alternative…

In an effort to ensure that Quincy would be unable to disrupt the auspicious evening’s festivities, Lunella had suggested that her other traveling companions take turns in watching over the infamous Dreamweaver in a suitably out-of-the-way location, like the Lunar Gardens, a course of action Ennui had conceded was probably for the best. At first, the fiery Elementalist, Orion Emberflare, had taken up the responsibility, but when Lunella, having transformed into the haughty and imperious Queen Celestia, demanded his presence for a moonflower viewing, the task had fallen to Zephyr Thornweaver.

An Elven Elementalist chosen to be the next guardian of the Elemental Enclave, and one who possessed abilities exceeding even those of the prodigiously skilled Orion, it seemed perfectly reasonable to expect Zephyr to be more than capable of serving in such a role. However, as Ennui quickly discovered, the Elemental Guardian was also highly inquisitive, always on the lookout for new elementally significant experiences, and unfortunately for all concerned, the chaotic energies accentuated by the Trilunial Convergence meant that this particular eve was replete with them.

“I’m told these charming flowers only bloom during a Trilunial Convergence,” Zephyr was saying as they gracefully crouched to inspect a cluster of moon orchids, Ennui’s sigh having gone unnoticed by the fascinated Elementalist. “Their petals shimmer with all four elements. See the way the edges curl? Fire. The softness in the stem? Water. The pale dust they emit is air. And their roots have burrowed so deep they hum with earth’s pulse,” they concluded with a smile as they traced glowing veins along the flower.

Meanwhile, Quincy was spreading out his Oneiric Gauge in order to measure the arc between Zephyr’s hair and a floating leaf.

“Mmm… 37 dreamspans,” the Dreamweaver noted, his head tilted in thought. “Fascinating!” he suddenly exclaimed, his hunched over form shooting upright in a burst of motion. “You and the orchid are harmonizing on a metaphysical chord! Do you often commune with nocturnal vegetation in such a marvelously poetic manner, or is this the beginnings of a budding romance?”

At this, Zephyr couldn’t help but chuckle. “My feelings for this flower are certainly infused with love, but not of the romantic kind,” the Elven Elementalist replied. “I simply prefer my metaphors grounded in the elements, but I do admire the way you blur lines, Quincy. Your unique way of perceiving the world is truly a gift, even if your musings seem like nothing more than utter nonsense to the unenlightened.”

“Why thank you!” Quincy beamed, honored to receive such high praise from such an esteemed elementalist. “I work very hard to make no sense at all!”

“No, Quincy,” Ennui corrected in a flat deadpan. “You really don’t. It genuinely just comes naturally,” she added, turning to Zephyr.

“So I am beginning to learn,” the Elven Elementalist replied.

Meanwhile, Quincy was studying a nearby plant, his countenance filled with joyous wonderment.

“How delightfully cryptic!” the Dreamweaver marveled. “This flower’s beautiful blossom is completely hidden by this veil of mystifying moss growing out of it! I think I shall call it The Verdant Vaguery!”

“Oh great, he’s naming things again…” Ennui sighed, the tiny dream familiar’s soft mutterings unheard by either of her larger companions. This can only end well…” As she listened to Quincy’s continuing rambles, images of what had been conjured into existence the last time he’d had a burst of that particular sort of creativity entered her mind unbidden. Floating cake towers that were deathly afraid of heights. Sentient picnic blankets that were terrified of food. And with the mystical energies of the Trilunial Convergence waxing their strongest, Quincy’s dream magic was now more potent than ever… At least no one else is around to complicate things even further.

Of course, it was at that exact moment that the relative peace of the small alcove in which the trio currently resided was shattered by a jubilant greeting.

“Hi! Hi!” a cheerful voice called.

“Oh wow! There are actually other people here!” Another, nearly identical voice added.

“That just makes things even better!” a third voice chimed in, sounding almost exactly the same as the first two.

Spinning around with far greater speed than she usually employed, Ennui saw that the voices belonged to a trio of eerily similar young women, all three of whom were grinning with delight.

“Yeah!” the girl with the star-shaped antenna agreed. “You’re totally right!” Then, turning to Ennui and her larger companions, she added, “Hey! Do you guys wanna see some fireworks?!”

Fireworks?

This was bad.

The last time Quincy had crossed paths with fireworks, the resulting fiasco had nearly caused no less than three entire kingdoms to go to war against each other. Indeed, keeping the Dreamweaver away from, and ignorant of, the fireworks display occurring later that evening was one of the principal reasons for bringing him to the gardens in the first place. Yet now, in a perfect case of atrociously bad luck, the fireworks had simply been brought to him instead…

“Fireworks?!” Quincy exclaimed his eyes seeming to twinkle with glee. “Oh, how exciting! I do so love fireworks! Do you remember the last time we saw fireworks, Ennui?!” he asked his dream familiar. “Wasn’t it remarkably grand?!”

“That’s certainly one way to describe it…” Ennui replied in her trademark deadpan, having already resigned herself to what was surely to result from this latest development.

“But why would you wish to shatter the tranquilly of such sublimely serene surroundings?” Zephyr inquired, gesturing towards where the various nocturnal flowers bloomed with an otherworldly luminescence, while ethereal petals drifted through the air like stardust.

“Because these aren’t ordinary fireworks!” the patchwork pinkette replied.

“Yeah, they’re super special crazy awesome fireworks!” the gelatinous pinkette added. “With all sorts of crazy properties and stuff!”

“And one of those crazy cool things might even be that they’re completely silent!” the antenna-sporting pinkette noted. “Wouldn’t that be so freaking cosmic?!”

“Silent fireworks?! Oh, the artistry! The paradox! The splendor of watching the sky bloom without so much as a whisper!” Quincy marveled, clasping his hands together with childlike excitement. “It would be like if the stars themselves were shy… And yet eager to show off! Oh, I simply cannot wait to behold such a wondrous sight!”

And there it is… Ennui sighed, squeezing her eyes shut as she pinched the bridge of her nose. Stage One: Enthusiastic fixation. We’ll be dealing with some deranged dream magic disaster in under an hour.

Zephyr, meanwhile, hesitated for a moment as their gaze shifted between the alcove’s glowing flowers and the trio of energetic pinkettes. It was clear that they were torn between their duty to stand guard over Quincy and their immense, Trilunial Convergence amplified, curiosity.

“You… said these fireworks have unpredictable elemental properties?” the Elven Elementalist inquired, their silvery, cerulean hair having turned a more fiery fuchsia hue as their elemental affinity subtly shifted.

“Yeah!” the pinkette with the star-tipped antenna confirmed with a rapid series of enthusiastic nods. “At least, that’s what my best friend Ramona said when she gave them to me! But she wanted to leave exactly what they did a surprise!”

“They could grow pizza trees out of the sky!” the patchwork pinkette suggested.

“Or make robot pancakes that are also pigeons that can still fly and even spit syrup!” the gelatinous pinkette chimed in.

“Or maybe even make thunderclouds that rain cinnamon meteors!” the antenna-sporting pinkette added, a spray of stars spilling out of her mouth. “But oh gosh!” she exclaimed, placing her hands over her cheeks. “We totally forgot to introduce ourselves! I’m Staceella, and my two friends here are Stacy Stitches and Cyberslime Stacy!” she explained, gesturing to each of the other two pinkettes in turn. “They’re other ‘me’s from other universes! Isn’t that crazy cosmic?!”

“Oh, yes!” Quincy agreed. “It’s an absolutely splendtastic novelty! In fact, I would love to experience something similar, myself!”

I can guarantee you that no one else would… Ennui reflected.

“Other… universes…?” Zephyr murmured, having been awed by the revelation, their hair now turning a more prismatic hue. “That’s… extraordinary…”

“Sure is!” Stacy Stitches agreed. “But back to the fireworks, we’re lookin’ for a super awesome place to launch ‘em!” she added. “Only, we kinda got lost, so, uh, do you guys know a spot like that?!”

“I believe we passed just such a spot only a short time ago,” Zephyr replied. “A most splendid overlook with a panoramic view of the moonflower fields.”

“That’s totally the place!” Staceella cheered. “Would ya mind leading the way?!”

“It would be my pleasure,” Zephyr replied, their robes shifting toward a deep, harmonious indigo as their elemental affinity began to favor the breezy qualities of air.

“Yes! Let’s all go!” Quincy declared. “Oh, this is going to be so very exciting!”

“I would have picked another word for it,” Ennui muttered as she hovered along beside him.

“You know, during the last fireworks display I attended, I briefly turned into an exceptionally tall version of myself,” the Dreamweaver told Stacy Stitches and Cyberslime Stacy as he strolled along with the two cheerful pinkettes on either side. “I found the new perspective it provided to be most invigorating!”

“I know what that’s like!” Cyberslime Stacy replied. “One time, I stretched my neck so high, my head got hit by a hover car!”

“Me, too!” Stacy Stitches chimed in. “One time, some cyborg troll guys detached my head and played basketball with it! The hoop was super high up, and I got stuck in it for a whole day!”

“Now that I think about it, that last fireworks display also featured a musical performance…” Quincy noted, so lost in thought that he’d completely tuned out the two Stacys’ responses. “In fact, I distinctly recall that every time I’ve ever seen fireworks, music has always accompanied them. And why wouldn’t it?” he inquired of no one in particular. “Fireworks and music are lovers, eternal companions! One explodes in the heavens, the other in the heart! Together they create a symphony of light and sound!”

“Hey!” Cyberslime Stacy exclaimed, her eyes gleaming as an idea popped into her hyperactive brain. “There was a big orchestra thing back in that ballroom place, so, like, maybe we can get some of those musician people to come play for us!”

“Holy freaking crap! That would be crazy awesome!” Stacy Stitches agreed.

And so, as expected, things go from bad to worse… Ennui sighed internally.

As it happened, keeping Quincy unaware of the lunar orchestra’s existence was yet another of the many reasons the Dreamweaver was meant to remain in the lunar gardens for the duration of the evening’s festivities. After all, Quincy was exceptionally fascinated by music of all kinds, and that fascination inevitably resulted in dream magic fueled catastrophes of particularly cacophonic natures.

“An… orchestra? Quincy inquired, his eyes widening in astonishment, while the Oneiric Gauge being employed to measure the distance between two fireflies fell limp in his hands as though the revelation struck him like a bolt of lightning.

“Yep! Yep!” Stacy Stitches confirmed with a grin.

“A Lunar Orchestra!” Cyberslime Stacy clarified excitedly, even if she didn’t know exactly why that was significant.

“They’re playing in the main ballroom right now!” Stacy Stitches added.

“And they’ve got some crazy cool instruments, too!” Cyberslime Stacy noted.

The Lunar Orchestra?!” Quincy gasped, clutching at his chest as he staggered backward in melodramatic awe. “Here?! Tonight?! And no one thought to tell me?!”

“There was a very good reason for that…” Ennui sighed, while pinching the bridge of her nose.

“Oh, glorious crescendos of moonlit majesty!” Quincy gushed, his words pouring out in a breathless rush, while Ennui’s commentary went completely unnoticed. “Oh, celestial harmonies cascading like silver rivers across the astral veil! Can you imagine, Ennui?!” he asked as he grabbed the familiar’s tiny hands and twirled her in dizzy circles, much to her annoyance. “An orchestra conducted beneath a Tri-Lunar Convergence! The music must be simply transcendent! No, supra-transcendent! It will shatter the boundaries of sound, of space, of dreams themselves!

“That’s precisely what I’m afraid of…” Ennui muttered in a tired deadpan, her tiny body floating limply as she continued to be twirled around.

“So ya wanna go?!” Stacy Stitches asked with a broad grin.

“Yes! To the Ballroom!” Quincy declared with a dramatic gesture of a pointing finger, his sudden stop in mid-spin causing poor Ennui to fly off and collide with the twisting branch of a nearby moonwillow. “Lead me to the music, fair heralds of serendipity! For tonight, dreams shall dance with song!”

As she clung to the leaf-covered bough, the dizzy dream familiar’s vision cleared just enough for her to see Zephyr and Staceella having an animated conversation about all the myriad ways the fireworks might interact with the Tri-Lunar Convergence’s ambient magical augmentation as they walked on ahead, completely oblivious to the disaster unfolding behind them. Just before the pair rounded a moonstone archway and slipped out of sight, Ennui thought she saw Zephyr’s green skin begin to take on the texture of paper…




By the time Ennui had recovered enough to follow after Quincy and the two Stacys, the trio had already entered the grand ballroom. The vast chamber shimmered with radiant moonlight filtering in through its high-arching, crystalline windows, while the very air hummed with the resonance of the Lunar Orchestra’s symphony. Indeed, the celebration of the Tri-Lunar Convergence was in full, radiant swing, and Quincy was utterly transfixed by it.

“My goodness!” the Dreamweaver gasped in wide-eyed awe, clutching his Oneiric Gauge to his chest as he took in the various sights and sounds, his visage filled with profound wonderment. “It’s more beautiful than I ever dreamed! A thousand notes weaving together like threads of silver and gold, a tapestry of sound stitched across the moons themselves! To think such a fabulously festive gathering was taking place only a short distance away!”

“Yeah, it’s totally crazy ya didn’t know about it!” Stacy Stitches noted.

“It’s a good thing we ran into ya when we did!” Cyberslime Stacy added, before gesturing to the food covered tables piled high with cosmic-themed confections, the dozens of dancers in gleaming silks that twirled beneath the garlands of glowing moonflower petals, and, of course, the deep blue and silver robed musicians of the Lunar Orchestra. “Otherwise, you’d have missed all this crazy awesome stuff!”

“Yes, it was certainly a stroke of luck,” an exhausted Ennui muttered under her breath upon finally catching up with the eccentric trio. Bad luck…” That said, even the morose dream familiar had to admit, the moonlight musicians were rather captivating as they played their enchanted instruments that seemed half-woven from starlight itself, their melodies rising and falling like waves across a cosmic shore. Yet, she also knew that she had to at least attempt to keep things from spiraling any further out of hand, even if it was almost certainly a lost cause. “So, um, why don’t we ask a few of the musicians if they’ll help us out, once they’ve finished their current song?” the dream familiar spoke up.

Unfortunately, it soon became apparent that Quincy wouldn’t be giving a reply, as the Dreamweaver was already drifting forward, weaving between the guests with his typical obliviousness, his attention having been claimed by a far more fascinating sight than his boring, omnipresent familiar. “Oh, look!” he called out, while pointing with childlike excitement to a figure in a flamboyant, motley outfit, bells tinkling at the end of a tall hat as they bowed dramatically to a laughing couple. “A jester from the Eternal Carnival! They tell the most delightfully amusing jokes, always twisting reality into riddles of laughter! Why, I once heard one ask, ‘Why did the moonbeam fall from the sky?’ And when no one could answer, they said: ‘Because it lost its balance!’ Oh-ho-ho-ho, positively brilliant wordplay! Or ‘What do you call a dream that won’t wake up? A nap-ocalypse!’ Absolutely hilarious!” At this, he doubled over with wheezing giggles, while clapping his hands.

“Uh… I don’t think I get it…” Cyberslime Stacy replied with a confused frown while tilting her head in puzzlement.

“Yeah, me neither,” Stacy Stitches agreed. “Y’know, that reminds me of a joke I’ve always had a problem with,” The patchwork pinkette noted. “That one about why the chicken crossed the road.”

“That one always confused me, too!” Cyberslime Stacy chimed in. “Like, everyone says it’s because he wanted to get to the other side, but I don’t really think that’s much of an answer. I mean, why did he wanna get to the other side?”

“If it perplexes you so, why not simply ask a chicken?” Quincy inquired.

“Ask a chicken?” Cyberslime Stacy echoed.

“Yes!” Quincy confirmed, his face lighting up like the full moons themselves as he spun around to face the orchestra with a grand flourish. “Why should we be limited by riddles when we can conjure answers?!”

“Holy freaking crap!” Stacy Stitches exclaimed. “Why didn’t I ever think of that before?!”

“Y’know, I think they actually might be extinct on my world…” Cyberslime Stacy noted.

“Well, we could always try to find one here! Stacy Stitches suggested.

“But, like, where would we even start looking?” Cyberslime Stacy asked.

“Looking?” Quincy repeated, his voice filled with playful glee. “Oh, my sweet stars! There’s no need to look for one…” the Dreamweaver continued, his grin growing impossibly wide as he unfurled his Oneiric Gauge in a sweeping gesture, before measuring the air in diagonal spans. “Not when one may simply be dreamed into being!”

“No. No. Absolutely not,” Ennui told him, shaking her head with a surprising level of rapidity for the ordinarily languid dream familiar. “The last time you did this, a teapot tried to annex an entire kingdom!” Yet, despite her protests, she knew it was already far too late. Indeed, before she had even finished speaking, a torrent of dream magic surged forth, submerging the lunar orchestra in waves of whimsy. From the heart of that shimmering whirlwind a spectral outline emerged, feathered and beaked, swelling larger and larger until, suddenly, the air was rent by a screeching squawk that sounded uncannily like a trumpet’s blaring, discordant note. “Here we go again…”




“How utterly appalling!” Queen Celestia exclaimed, completely aghast at what she’d just been told. “Verily, if not for the most sacred and ancient traditions of our people, we would expel these wretched miscreants from our realm at once and bar them from ever setting foot in the lunar cities for the rest of their pitiful lives! Doth anyone even know where they art at this moment?!” the lunar sovereign inquired, her imperious voice filled with royal outrage. “Moons know what horrid mischief they could be conjuring as we speak!”

“Worry not, my Queen,” Solonar bade the Moonlight Monarch, his eyes aglow as he gazed into his shimmering crystal star sphere. “According to what insights I’ve been able to divine from my astral auguries, Staceella and her two doppelgängers have since departed this plenum, and shall cause no further disruptions to our celebration.”

“That is indeed fortunate,” Celestia agreed, taking a deep breath to calm her righteous fury. “For their sakes most of all. Daring to disrupt this most august eve with their insolent idiocy…” the royal beauty continued to seethe in her typical melodramatic manner. “It is simply unforgivable!

“U-Ummm… I know they caused a lot of trouble, sis…” Eilidh spoke up tentatively. “But I don’t think any of it was done intentionally, and your awesome battle against that giant trumpet chicken allowed everyone to see how absolutely amazing you are! So, uh, it really wasn’t all bad, right…?” she inquired with a hopeful smile.

At first, the Moonlight Monarch glared at her younger sibling, her visage one of regal fury, but its harshness quickly softened into a more affectionate countenance.

“Thou art well spoken, dear sister,” Celestia told Eilidh with an approving smile, which glowed like a shimmering moonbeam as she affectionately tousled the girl’s hair. “Verily, it was indeed a gift from the moons that our subjects should behold the glorious greatness of our most magnificent self in its full, radiant splendor!” Turning to face the rest of her gathered subjects and striking a dramatic pose, she continued, “In light of these profound insights, which our most cherished little sister hath so graciously provided, it now becomes clear to us that this disruption was not a blight, but a blessing! One, which hath elevated this most sublime of evenings to a pinnacle of perfection which mirrors that of our own most splendiferous self! For art we not perfection personified?” the royal bombshell inquired, her azure lips curling into a supremely arrogant smirk as she struck an even more glamorous pose and admired her queenly visage in a newly conjured, jewel encrusted mirror.

“Art not our power and beauty unparalleled in all the world? Doth not the very heavens themselves stand in awe of us? It is only right for the moons to provide us with a suitable stage upon which to display our flawless majesty!” she declared, her regal voice loud and bombastic. As the preening Celestia ran her fingers through her silken tresses, while thrusting out her ample chest, it was clear to all present that the Moonlight Monarch had become fully consumed by her overwhelming vanity. “And displayed it hath undeniably been! Let none harbor even a single doubt that our supreme triumph over that abomination most vile shall be remembered for eons to come!” Raising an elegant hand to cover her smirking mouth, the royal bombshell gave voice to a peal of shamelessly haughty laughter. “Oooohh ho ho ho hooo-oh?!”

Celestia’s laughter abruptly ended in a startled yelp as a pink-haired young woman wearing a witch’s hat suddenly fell on top of her, sending the lunar sovereign crashing to the moonstone floor in a distressingly undignified heap.

“Sis!” Eilidh cried in alarm.

“Your Majesty!” Solonar exclaimed.

“Queen Celestia!” Lunette gasped.

“Oh my! New friends!” Quincy cheered.

“Woah!” the new arrival yelped. “I’ve never fallen out of a portal so high up before! It was super awesome this cushion was here!” she added with a pleased grin, before looking around with wide-eyed wonderment. “Holy freaking crap! The snowplow museum’s a lot bigger than I remember, and it looks like you’re havin’ a crazy cool party, too! Oh! Are ya celebrating the big remodeling?!”

“I’m just going out on a limb, here,” a second newly arrived young woman who’d managed to land far more gracefully replied in a tired deadpan. “But I’m pretty sure this still isn’t the museum, and I’m positive that’s not a cushion,” she added, pointing to Celestia’s squirming form.

“Wretched heathen!” the Moonlight Monarch shouted. “We command thee to remove thyself from atop us this very instant!”

“O-Oh, uh… Ooops…?” the pink-haired witch awkwardly apologized, slowly climbing off of the Lunar Queen’s back, even as the nearby battalion of Celestial Guardians surrounded her with their glowing weapons drawn.

Or at least, most of them did.

Perhaps surprisingly for one so eager to do battle, Mayra, who had been observing proceedings with an equal mixture of intrigue and confusion, chose that moment to give voice to what she believed was the most pertinent of all possible questions, “Uh, what’s a snowplow?”

Zoppy

Mor stuff fer Zoppy?!
-Zoppy


To Zoppy’s delight, the tentacle-faced person did wish to purchase her lucky pebble, and he had the shiniest shiny she’d yet encountered to give her for it. “Yep! Yep!” Zoppy confirmed with several rapid nods when the strange creature asked if his payment would suffice. “Dankz lotz!” she told him with a toothy grin once the exchange had been made, the golden feather miraculously not being dropped by the clumsy goblin girl in the process. “Zoppy can git all sortz o’ stuff fer ya!” she assured the illithid, overjoyed that she had found such a loyal customer.

It was only after that bit of business had been concluded, that the deformed goblin finally became aware of the rat offering her the tiniest of bread scraps. “New stuff?” she asked aloud as she took the offered crumb, since, obviously, this was a new shipment of inventory, not a goodwill gesture. “Huh, wot’z diz…?” the confused goblin wondered, carefully examining the strange item. It looked like a pebble, but was soft to the touch. Then, her green eyes lit up and she whirled around to face Muste once more. “Hey! Ya wanna buy a squishy stone?!”



“…Or we could just do that, Gaia noted in an exasperated deadpan as she watched Mayra’s chaotic antics unfold before Alex could even respond to her suggestion.

“G-Gosh… I-I hope s-she’ll be o-okay…” Connie spoke up, worriedly fidgeting with her hair as she watched the draconic girl ride off into the far distance.

“I am sure she will be just fine, little sister,” Gaia reassured her concerned friend after giving voice to a resigned sigh. “More importantly, her plan seems to have been far more successful than I would have initially believed,” the verdant maiden added, even as Lily sped off towards the secret entrance. “Come, let us move swiftly!” the botanical beauty advised.

It was about then that Alex mentioned that they would all need to cross their eyes in order to avoid the effects of one of the castle’s enchantments.

“Understood,” Gaia acknowledged.

“O-Okay!” Connie added a moment later.

“I’ll cross my eyes but still watch from the skies!” Mr. Kite announced (Bet you forgot he was still there, didn’t you?).

And the two remaining rainbow unicorns neighed their affirmation as they did likewise.

Wonderland was certainly a strange place, indeed, Gaia reflected. She could only guess what whimsical insanity awaited them once they finally entered the Queen’s castle itself…






“Like, there totally wotally aresie waresie~!” MDP happily replied when “Penny” noted the sizable number of new friends she’d made, the whimsical girl innocently unaware of any discrepancies between the real Penny and the Wonderland facsimile she was currently interacting with. “Hi, Nefer Wefer~!” MDP called out once “Penny” had introduced her companion, enthusiastically waving her hand at the Egyptian-themed girl. “Like, totally wotally~! (giggle!)” the Princess of Dreams cheerfully agreed when “Penny” suggested they head out. “Like, come onsie wonsie, everybodywody~!” she called to her collection of new and old friends as she skipped back to the front of her not-so-little procession with her arms out to each side as if she were an airplane. “Let’s allsie wallsie go to the castle wastle together wether~! (giggle!)”

However, before they could set off again, Mac spoke up.

“We aresie waresie~?” MDP inquired with no small amount of confusion when the wolf cop explained to “Penny” that they were actually waiting for a recon team to report back. Of course, no sooner did the puzzled Princess of Dreams ask this, then the “team” returned. “Ashley Washley~!” MDP cheered as she bounced over to glomp her not-so-imaginary-but-still-entirely-fake-friend. “Magical Dream Princess is, like, soooo super duper happy wappy you’re backy wacky~! (giggle!)” After the whimsical girl finished introducing the Knight of Tonight to all of her new friends (and actually remembering the manticores this time), she discovered that the new arrival had an important message to convey. “Golly wolly!” MDP exclaimed after it had concluded. “Like, Magical Dream Princess will helpy welpy that poor person werson right nowie!” Rushing over to where the fake Penny was (presumably) still standing, she waved her whimsical wand and conjured yet another new friend. “Like, don’t worry, copy wopy Penny Wenny~!” she reassured the replica of her girlfriend with a wink and playful peace sign salute. “Just stay super duper stilly willy, and Mister Wister Plier Wier person werson’ll get that trappy wappied person werson outty wouty in a jiffy wiffy~! (giggle!)”
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