SleepingSilence

Expedition:Extraterrestrial:Encounter (amorphical X SleepingSilence)

Do you want the AI character to be apart of your ship in some way? I can role with whatever you have in mind. But lets just say it's just unlikely that they'll come across another ship straight away under normal circumstances.

Expedition:Extraterrestrial:Encounter (amorphical X SleepingSilence)

Nah, feel free. Maybe you can write them in a separate situation?

Expedition:Extraterrestrial:Encounter (amorphical X SleepingSilence)

His eyes shift to the upper-right corner for a moment, letting out a sharp exhale through his nostrils, creating the only noise in the silent atmosphere that surrounds them. His claws clench the armrests before focusing back at her with an empathetic expression. At least that’s what it looks like on your face, what it meant to the alien could’ve been wildly different. But it was almost surprising to hear his voice soften and be seemingly calmer in response. “I believe I understand your concerns in these matters. If you wish to return to the docking bay, I can let you go to your ship and document your inventory during my own procedures. I’ll have you know that you’re welcome to shares of my food, it provides many of the same nutrients that you require and shouldn’t be harmful for your digestive system or other bodily functions. But I implore that you wait until we land on a safe planet before sending out those probes. Because there’s a lot of complicated problems we’ll run into if you send them out now, and it will be wasted efforts. And I’m afraid if we spend too much time discussing this while remaining adrift in this zone, we’ll just be damning ourselves from finding our solution.”

It was a vague warning indeed, but one that felt calculated. A decision to choose those words weren’t made lightly or from lack of experience. Pathfinders didn’t reach such magnificent heights by failing to judge people’s intentions, and his worry about the probes seemed genuine enough. So she was presented with a conundrum that he waited for her agreement to head to her ship, so that he could quickly settle in a location where the rest could be determined later. But you’d likely need to wait to ask many pertinent queries, like how he knew what resources your body needs if he’d never heard of your species. It didn’t sound like a lie to mislead or blindly reassure. You could kind of get the vibe that he had a solid conviction in his plan and that doubting him wouldn’t be favored. So the question would be if she’d be better off challenging that assertion and questioning the exact reasoning behind his hesitations. Or agreeing and waiting for him to prove himself as a useful ally to stick around in this strange dimension you found yourself in...

RPGC #23: InGlorious - Discussion

@Calle

My reply

There are no further entries about how his sister felt after the assault of the man, or his fate, or how she reacted to the news of her fathers passing. She could shed some light on the ambiguous assault/rape too.

I'm feeling some serious Mandala Effect vibes. My story entry must’ve edited out too much of a sentence in google docs. Because I know that there’s supposed to be a line where the prisoner has his head chopped off in the throne room. But it isn’t there. I have no idea how this happened, but it frustrates me greatly. I no longer have my original work, so I don’t remember exactly how it was written. But it must have been removed by mistake in my editing and formatting process, and I honestly didn’t realize it until now.

I added in how it basically would've been included and edited out a weak sentence to make it fit the word limit.

Quick fix

April 6th

My father and I waited alone in the dimly lit throne room for the guards to bring in the possessed, at least that’s what he claimed to be. Like the rest of our prisoners, these phantoms served as the underlying cause for their crimes. But these summoners of lies only want to escape the truth and time as it ticked by. The darkness couldn’t cover up my father’s ghostly pale complexion, or stop him coughing into his golden robes. Despite my mind overflowing with thought, I remained silent as I struggled to find the words that would make my father smile and laugh like he once had. Our last conversation related to me claiming his throne after his inevitable passing. How could I confront someone who shook death’s hand, comfortable with having their last dream?

Interrupted by the clamoring of armor that burst through the front doors, four soldiers carried him in, appropriately trussed like a pig ready to be roasted alive. I remember feeling relief that his hands were tied behind his back and his legs shackled together, but I’d soon learn that wasn’t enough to restrain one’s acts of violence. My father cleared his throat before speaking with an authoritative tone.

“For the evil acts you’ve committed, you’re—” But his words were cut off by screams of indignant passion.

“The phantoms dug their claws inside my brain! They contorted my body with every violent thrust as they penetrated your daughter! The phantoms raped her!”

The incantations slaughtered my father’s innocent spirit like a baby beaten bloody. The destructive fuel caused his pupils to spread like wildfire. Clutching his chest with an agonized cry, the soldiers quickly chopped off the summoner’s head, and my father had collapsed forward. Nothing we did could bring him back…

The summoner had killed my father and had stolen his dream. With the heaviest of hearts that make strong men buckle to their knees, I intend to accept this anchor and refuse to be dragged into the depths of their despair. By my honor, I will eliminate the speech of liars and cover the mouths of kingdoms that let it fester like an open wound. By my hands, I shall bandage the world and end all of its’ suffering.

The story has a funeral scene where it directly explains that this affected his sister enough to make her not talk anymore and stay inside her locked bedroom. She mentioned to the MC that “he came in time” which meant that nothing was done to her.

And while not intended to be a defense for the sentence that should’ve been there. Based on what was actually there, his death and how he would’ve died could’ve easily been implied. But I obviously agree that the fate should be included and moved this statement above the rest because it was important.

April 4th: when doing entries for journals, I don’t think many people will mention the starlit sky as they write, nor does it really matter what time of day it is when the entry is written. An entry of a journal is usually used to write about the most notable events that happened during the day, and most people update their journal in the evening when there is more time for personal affairs.

Okay, so there’s two things about this. One related with how and when most people write journals. And a plot critique about how the time of day being mentioned isn’t relevant to the story.

The time of day is actually necessary to follow the story. As the first entry is directly connected with the second. His sister’s scream in the middle of the night is suppose to be the implicated answer on why his first entry ends in mid-sentence/thought. So that is required.

The idea that people write journals in the afternoon feels a little anecdotal. As I know I used to do a nightly journal before bed myself. So this feels like even if you’ve never heard of a person writing a journal at night before in your life, it could be reasonable to assume that this particular character is too busy in the daytime. I guess my story doesn’t take place in a real world, so I don’t know how many medieval periods had people writing in journals anyway. Considered it good enough for the suspension of disbelief needed for all fiction I suppose.

Not writing about the starry sky when you’re able to see it outside your window also feels anecdotal. The character was writing then while noting it was particularly beautiful. It wasn’t entirely without merit, and its beauty ties in with his sister. I suppose I could see the argument that its implementation is contrived? I did mention that is was midnight already, which I might argue is less likely to be written down. (It did add that at the last minute to better tie it to the second entry.) So I don’t need two things that relate to nighttime.

The best way I could see fixing that in hindsight, is tying his sister’s beauty directly to the night sky outside his window. So it could’ve had a little more impact? I’ll take it as food for thought.

The mention of the perfume on his fingers made me wonder how he got perfume there. When had he touched his sister in a way that perfume would be left on his skin? Or had he handled his perfume bottles in her room? There is an implied intimacy between him and his sister that could use a bit more explanation.

I’ll respectfully disagree here. It is a question that goes unanswered. But the “I wonder how that happened?” is the point and it’s far more interesting to pieces together as a reader than a straight answer can provide. I’m hinting that there may be something more going on. But I don’t think you need an answer to understand the rest of the story. So if you cared enough to want to learn more, that’s good, because that’s what I intended.

April 5th: There are 2 sentences with ‘but’ close to each other. “My sister’s scream chilled my bones, but the silence scared me half to death. But I’d rather be a dead man running than live without her.”

Removing the second ‘but’ wouldn’t change the sentence, so it's unneeded.

It feels like I need something to connect the sentences. Since the scream followed by silence is why he’s running at that moment to find her. Though I agree that I could change it to “And”.

There is also a second implication he and his sister are really close, but this intimacy isn’t really shown after this.

Well the implication not going all the way, is an intentional choice of subtlety. The reason the closeness isn’t explored further is because the main character starts to stray from his path and his sister.

April 5th/6th: There is a bit of inconsistency with the rape. In the entry of april 5th, she said he was on time which implies nothing happened, but on april 6th the man explains quite detailed that he had, in fact, raped her

The inconsistencies you noticed are on purpose. You’re mistaken to what the point of that scene was. The man is lying about the rape taking place. Aside from the fact he’s claiming the “Phantoms” are making him do it, which symbolically represent the criminals own sin and the need to blame others for it. I think I gave enough clues to the reader for them to catch on to the fact that the Phantoms aren’t real.

The woman was fully clothed and said indirectly (directly as possible to the reader) that it hadn’t happened. The man lying about it is doing it to shock and punish the obviously frail looking father who’s about to convict him. (A lot of false claims are incredibly detailed.) The father didn’t even need proof to assume it happened and he died.

This story could have used an additional entry about the main character informing his sister about what had happened in the throneroom and her reactions. Of course there was a word limit in this case, so I can understand why it was left out, but it is something I miss in this story. We know he cares about her, and if he cares enough to mention her perfume, it would be in-character to devote an entry about her reaction to the news he brought. The next thing we read about her is April 9th and then she’s already acting weird, according to the main character, so it feels we’re missing something important.

Could I have used an entry going into exactly how my MC’s sister felt right after the fact? Maybe if she was main character or the focus of the story? But I think it’s something you could piece together, she was heartbroken and obviously cared enough to attend his funeral. Maybe you could imply as a reader whether she was told why he died and if she might’ve blame herself for it. I don’t feel there’s anything crucial missing here.

And for people who read this who had experience assault, attempted rape or rape, they often need closure when confronted with it in fiction, so an additional entry where it’s shown she really is okay and the perpetrator is punished would be helpful in that aspect. She was crying when it happened, she may have put on a brave face at that time, but it couldn’t have been easy for her to deal with.

As mentioned, the perp was supposed to be killed straight away. But I somehow screwed up in editing. So I can’t blame you faulting the story for that.

The intent of the Phantoms/the guy using them in his mad speech vs the girl saying nothing happened is suppose to contradict and serves a point to the story. Nothing happened, but that didn’t stop the lie of it taking place and effecting everyone else. Her dad is dead and she stopped talking after attending his funeral, so she’s clearly not okay for that reason. Especially not by the end, because as a dark story and that’s the closure you get...

April 9th: “So she'd challenge me to arm wrestling match” → It would be better if you’d add ‘an’ in this sentence. “to an arm wrestling match”.

That feels like another thing I swear was already there. It definitely needs that. Thanks.

November 3rd: “relying on my believers guidance” → are there more believers here, or are you referring to the guidance of the believer? Because believers is plural of believer, but if you want the second meaning, I think it should be believer’s. Or if it is meant as plural, believers'.

Yeah, should’ve been believers’. Again, that might’ve been a fault in my editing process in google docs where it saw the correct word as an editing mistake.

And “But how I could I feel satisfied when my sister had ran away from home last night and nobody has found her?” → Grammatically correct would be ‘had run’.

You’re correct, and this time that was just my bad. That sentence was added later in the story, and clearly my last editing process did not serve me well.

The ending, after he remembers the first enemy he killed, was a bit odd. It’s puzzling why he would write down the sneezing and the smelling of the familiar perfume. In the first part of the paragraph he still seemed coherent in his thoughts, so I don’t get the vibe of a rambling madman who writes down everything happening around him and every random thought that pops up.

My suggestion would be to use the earlier implied strong bond he has with his sister, let him ramble about how he misses her and that his mind is playing tricks on him because he can still smell her perfume…

The smell isn’t a trick. The first enemy he killed that day was his sister. And it was bugging him the whole day and he only now realized what he had done. And I think the paragraph still reflects his insanity and why he mentioned it.

Overall, the prompt was executed really good, we followed the man from being a hero to a madman and it was a nice touch doing it through journal entries.

The pacing was good, the sentences weren’t difficult to read and there was proof of a good vocabulary and writing skill at the same time. When people try to make themselves sound eloquent by using a lot of big words, the stories tend to be harder to read. It takes skill to get a perfect mixture vocabulary, making the story not too simple, but also not too hard to read. Well done.

I sincerely appreciate that you read my story and that you gave your time to review it. I wish I could’ve presented a story that didn’t have such a crucial aspect omitted by happenstance. But I’m glad you enjoyed the writing itself. Thank you. I just hope this reply is coherent, because I wrote it while feeling a bit crappy.

Edit: Also while you shouldn't feel obligated to vote. I figured I'd mention that I didn't see you vote for your favorite/most worthy to win. Just wanted to make sure that was intentional. (I also might've just missed it. Forgive me if that's the case.)

Expedition:Extraterrestrial:Encounter (amorphical X SleepingSilence)

He appeared to be amused by her first remark as his grin got a bit wider and his body leaned in. “You've never heard of the Oraborom? Heh. Then my speculations were correct...” Stroking his chin with certainty, with his eyes seeming to stare into her soul, perhaps he was pondering what to say next. Returning to a laid-back posture, resting his claws atop the armrests while speaking frankly. “The systems we’re from shouldn’t be our primary concern at the moment. Instead, it appears due to us colliding into each other, neither of us are where we belong. So we’re both equally at fault for finding ourselves stuck in this situation. So I propose we work together to find our way back home. And I'm already working on that, observe...”

A section of the ceiling seemed be caving in and dropping from between them, but it was just the red light morphing its shape again, this time changing into a transparent holographic screen that displayed the colorful space that surrounded the ship's exterior. He didn’t seem to bother explaining how he was able to operate this bizarre interface, maybe it was easier to make your own assumptions, but the additional information he did give only lead to further complications. “I’m afraid I don't know what happened, or anything about the dimension we’ve ended up in. But I can tell you that I neither have money, nor the mechanical knowledge to know how to repair your ship. And I’ve already tried sending out waves meant to detect planets or ships that receive communication signals in the same way I used to speak to you. But I haven’t picked up anything yet, which may mean we’re quite distant from any planet with intelligent life. So for now, I believe we’re on our own...that might not be the answer you were looking for. But I wouldn't worry, as you’re free to stick around here until I can find us a safe spot to land.”

You were given permission to sit tight and wait for this creature to find any source of life that may be able to help. But he didn't seem to have many more answers than you did, least not the ones that lead you closer to home...until then you could try asking it more questions or offer suggestions. But it probably wouldn't hurt to pick your words carefully...

Word association Game!

Seller

Expedition:Extraterrestrial:Encounter (amorphical X SleepingSilence)

Assuming she understood and followed his basic instructions, she headed down an enormous hallway that lead in one direction with no windows or obstacles in the way. Only seeing a single mechanical doorway at the opposite end, similar yet smaller than the previous one she entered. Its emptiness almost seemed like wasted space and you didn’t dare touch the twisting and elaborate pipe-like walls on either side that appeared be continuously flowing with a surging electrical current like you were inside one big battery. Though you weren’t in any danger if you did, as it would strangely feel the same as your own ship. The door pad was conveniently placed within your reach and pushing any of the buttons would have it quickly ascend and in its place would be some kind of blood-red energy barrier. And if you were to stand dumbfounded for too long you’d hear encouraging words coming from the other side of the barrier. “Step inside! The barrier is harmless, and is only there to keep this an enclosed space which separates it from the rest of the ship. So everything else could explode and I’d remain safe from harm.”

When she phased through the barrier in front of her, she found herself in a spherical shaped room that was devoid of gravity. The entire space was illuminated with reddish light coming from the walls seeming to be entirely comprised of bright holographic screens. It was the smallest part of the ship that she explored thus far, but it wouldn’t make her feel claustrophobic. Her body still had autonomy but it remained adrift without the ability move forward and back, nor go any higher or lower. Turning herself around was possible, though the door she entered from was now nowhere to be seen. But that likely wasn’t on her mind, as it was occupied by the hulking bipedal dragon facing her. A beast of sheer intimidation mixed with pompous sophistication. His huge horns and a body covered with spikes made its point. But few beasts wore belted pants and were draped in a flowing collared cape with armored shoulder pads. Nor have such a glaringly apparent intellect as it looked at her with his beady golden eyes, this was an Oraborom and clearly the captain of this vessel. His head, hands and feet were equipped in the same material that coated the walls, appearing to be an astro-helmet, gauntlets and space boots made out of transparent light. The enthusiasm and bombastic flair of his voice hadn’t been lost even when he spoke at a near-reasonable level for how close he was to her.

“Welcome to my Master Control Room. Please allow me to give us some proper seats, so that we may begin our discussion.”

She saw the room’s walls underneath them begin to change shape and stretch upwards as it changed into two large claws shaped like his own that would serve as their chairs, each comparable to their size, pushing against her and rising her up from underneath and forming into an armchair for each to sit upon. Her feet would finally feel like it was touching solid ground when circular platforms formed underneath her feet. It was a surreal experience feeling forced to sit down on a dragon’s claw chair made from the solidified light. Her life was quite literally in his hands. His chair was a lot lower to the ground, so she’d still be looking up to see the face of the creature, just less dramatically so.

“Comfortable? Then shall we proceed with our names?” He said then continued before such an answer could be received. “You can address me as Raargorgathan. Pleased to meet you, even in such circumstances. Forgive me for saying so, but I’ve never seen your species in my sector before.”

His name was a mouthful and his pause seemed to signify that it was your turn to open it.

Just Trust Me (Malice x SleepingSilence)

All of her senses became overwhelmed the instant she touched the tail lantern. Her hand followed by the rest of her body felt like it was entering a sauna, surrounded by a barrier of intense heat that served to soothe her skin. Her eyes flooded by orange light that made it rather difficult to see what was in front of her, but also adjusting her vision to let her peer into the beyond. She could only smell the intoxicating scent of the white smoke that was being absorbed into her body, a small whiff gave her the equivalence of a caffeine rush. In truth, it was almost like an out of body experience. She would know her entire body was stronger, faster and more flexible. That her mind was sharper and her soul was brimming with a mystical euphoria. Her ears deaf to everything but the cries for help and the creature’s voice caressing her like her favorite soft melody. The creature smiled and implanted his words deep into her subconscious, so that they would never be forgotten.

“I’m Eshu. Your closest ally and dearest friend. A lighthouse to guide your soul through the storm of sorrows. You’ve reached out for my beacon of hope and will come out of the smoke to burn brighter than ever before. With our bond we are bound by justice. Now go forth and be one of my lanterns! Take the hopeless and scared by the hand and lead them out of the darkness! Mika Mori, The Magical Girl!”

With the constant mental reassurance that he would always be on her side. Such a deeply rooted trust was something that would be nearly impossible to doubt once established. It would effectively erase her fears and hesitations to accepting that demons were among them, but that none of them could defeat her as long she believed so. But it was a faith that would be rewarded, her deepest thoughts of heroism would materialize to bestow great supernatural powers when transformed. She would choose something that best fit her personality. Whatever her mind conjured up would become her talent. The power to shoot fire from her fingertips. The divinity to walk through walls and on water. The skill to transmogrify materials into weapons. The ability to shapeshift into animals. It was ultimately her wishes that would decide. Her transformation process could be monumental, changing her very appearance to look more like an angel that descends from the heavens or it could be as simple as a bow in her hair. As long as it made her feel like a hero…

“Come with me! A demon is close by.” Eshu warned as the young girl seemed to return into reality. The walls of normalcy that once kept her imprisoned had been shattered and she was now free to follow the whims of her new companion as it headed for the school’s back entrance. The cries sounded like they came from inside her head and it was almost like a compass that perfectly calculated their exact location. It was just as she’d originally suspected, the demon and the victim were inside the school’s basement. And she could feel a sense of urgency deep in her heart telling her to hurry...

Eshu's lanterns could be seen as balls of light that blazed through the dark skies and heavy rain, but while he could feel Mika's deepest emotions and even hear her innermost thoughts. His thoughts were silent and only known to him. "My planning and patience has given me what I desire. Now it's time for the darkness to be extinguished by our light."

Expedition:Extraterrestrial:Encounter (amorphical X SleepingSilence)

No problem. Will get to you tomorrow.

Edit/Notice: Have a friend over the weekend, but will try to post something soon.

You are the Mon

Ravi

Adventure Log

Moves:

• Swagger: Confuses opponents and raises their normal attack.
• Wrap: Binds opponents like a constrictor and does damage while opponent is constricted.
• Bite: Bitten with viciously sharp fangs. It may make the target flinch.

Health: Full
Status: Well Rested
Ability: (Shed Skin) May heal itself from status conditions by shedding its skin.
Inventory: None
Quest: Make friends and get along despite his intimidating voice and appearance.

---

It was time to share a friendly ride. Ravi learned to get cozy in tight spaces with a smile, as his tail slowly and unwittingly crept around his closest ally. Getting over previous hesitations about being inside the bird’s mouth after he found it pleasantly warm. The two others able to fly gave the rest of them more space for him to think. Somebody needed to come up with the plans right? “Hmm. I suppose I’ll make some proposals after we learn more about the farm and its inhabitants…”

But when they had arrived, he bravely kept quiet and low during the combative conversation, needing to watch over his smaller allies. He couldn’t risk anyone feeling scared or getting in trouble on the team. Fortunately his heroism wasn’t required, and they seemed to be accepted into the fold. Thanks to Wendy's sly negotiation, they had attained real shelter and though they still needed to fend for themselves and gather food, it was a positive first slither! His head popped out to peek at his surroundings and took notice of all the new potential friends they could make. But perhaps it was time to be serious and decide what to do now that they got there. “Two weeks? Sssounds like the rainy weather might not be over anytime soon.”