Avatar of Altered Tundra

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7 days ago
Current idk who is in the right but GRAB THE DICK AND TWIST IT!
4 likes
1 mo ago
A decade ago when we made that meme "get kid", this isn't exactly what we meant...
1 like
2 mos ago
Do you think the reason Jesus Christ doesn't rise again is because we keep putting up crosses and he gets flashbacks on how that went last time?
5 likes
7 mos ago
Happy almost crisis!
9 likes
9 mos ago
it's not just a rock IT'S A BOULDER!...or whatever Spongebob said
1 like

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Being in his ship after the day he had really made Jaakuna feel right at home. He’d much rather be in his ship than some stinky, shitty-ass sewers. So, definitely made him feel happy to be back aboard his baby, Ifrit. Even more so, it would seem that Emiri was astonished of not only how they got into the ship, but at the sheer size of it as she made a note of what a ship Jaakuna has. Though, she didn’t use those exact words, the overall same sentiment was present. Jaakuna smiled.

“Yeah, she is a beaut. I stole her from my brother a few years ago. Just one of the small consolations of being from the family I am.” Jaakuna really didn’t want to disclose his family name to Emiri. She would probably get the wrong idea. Or maybe she wouldn’t. Jaakuna doesn’t know that for sure, but he didn’t want to even take the chance. The fact that he is related to an Archadian Emperor made him sick to his stomach. He just had to get that nasty thought out of his mind.

Hearing the words that Emiri spoke, Jaakuna heeded her request and nodded in approval. “I’m sure we can find a nice inn over in Bhujerba. Plus, I need to attend to some business there.” Jaakuna said accepting her request.

Before he headed to the cockpit, Jaakuna turned to Emiri. “Say, you looked wiped. If you head to the far right section of my airship, you can find barracks with beds and a shower and a kitchen. You should probably take a shower too. No offense, but you stink like sewer shit.” Jaakuna said as he continued to the cockpit. He had a lot to think about, like whether or not he was going to turn Emiri in and claim his bounty. It would be an easy payday. A couple million gil for just one girl, but after seeing a glimpse of her ability and considering that it’s most likely that the Rozarrian Empire were the ones who want her, it shouldn’t be too impossible to decipher that they want Emiri in some way, shape, or form. But is it worth it? Jaakuna could be handing over the best weapon in the entire world of Ivalice. Jaakuna just shrugged it off. He just wanted to get to Bhujerba.

Whether or not Emiri heeded to Jaakuna’s advice of taking a shower or not wasn’t really on his mind right now. Jaakuna just wanted to get the hell out Rabanastre. As he was sitting in the cockpit, he set the controls to a course of the Sky City of Bhujerba. Within five minutes the ship had deported from the airship port and was full speed ahead to Bhujerba.



In Rabanastre, Savayna was still waiting for Jaakuna and Emiri to come through, but after a half of an hour, she had decided to give up, but that wasn’t until she saw in the sky. She couldn’t believe it. “HOW THE FUCK DID THEY SLIP PASS US!?!!?” She shouted. The airship, Ifrit was already gone, but it was just in an instant, but she saw the direction it was heading in. “So, they’re heading to Bhujerba huh? Fine, we are too.”

“We are?” Said one of the soldiers.

Savayna gave him the dirty look. “Yes, we are.”

“Yes M’am!” They all said in unison.

All of six of them went inside the Aerodome and went aboard their own Airship. “Send word to Lord Vincent that his brother is heading to Bhujerba. He mustn’t escape again.” Ordered Savayna.

“YES MAM!”
Standing in front of the Aerodome, Savayna stood in front of the entrance with her five soldiers knowing, that if Jaakuna was to pass by, there would be no missing him. It was by the order of the Emperor of the Archadian Empire that Jaakuna would be brought to his brother to face him after three years. Savayna also had her own personal reasons as she would like to see her ex-husband see him get his. She would strike him whenever he would come into view, but alas he didn’t.

Then time froze.

Jaakuna and Emiri slipped through the guards, one by one they didn’t see them. Then, as they went by Savayna. Jaakuna looked back at her as they went through the entrance. Jaakuna felt…odd. Maybe he felt bad for his former lover. Some part of him still did love her, but she was so far gone. The little girl he grew up with is no longer the person he sees in present day. Turning his head away, Jaakuna and Emiri are within the Aerodome and out of sight. Well, at least out of the sight of Savayna. With that being true, It would seem Jaakuna and Emiri were released from whatever kind of ability that she had. Jaakuna was amazed. Then, he put it together. This is how Emiri was able to get away from him.

“A very unique ability you got, Emiri.” Jaakuna was impressed. The fact that she had such an ability was an amazing feat. Jaakuna can see why those who hired him want her so bad. There must be a way to amplify it to some degree, but Jaakuna doesn’t know that for sure. He’s just speculating.

Jaakuna and Emiri stopped to rest for a minute and after they did that, she told him to lead her to Ifrit, his big-ass airship. Jaakuna smiled and was smug. “Yeah, let’s go. I’ve had enough of this place.” Jaakuna said as he went through the pathway that led to where all the airships are held at. Going through several channels of platforms, Jaakuna and Emiiri found themselves at a red and green airship that was huge in size. It was probably one of the biggest personal airships within the world of Ivalice. “Well, here is my baby. I call her Ifrit.” Jaakuna said as he proudly showed Emiri his ship. He then guided her to the center platform where a beam of light was activated by Jaakuna’s magical signature. It instantly beamed them up like it was something out of an alien abduction or something.
Jaakuna actually laughed slightly at the bad pun that Emiri made, but fit, of course. Jaakuna agreed with her as he laughed and nodded. It would be best for them to get on going and not get caught by his ex-wife. Jaakuna is not sure he can handle another encounter with her, especially in the shape he is in. He might be able to walk and even run, but in a full-on fight, he would be in deep shit. Jaakuna doesn’t know how Emiri fared in that regard, but perhaps injuring her foot wouldn’t help the endgame. So, for them to hurry the fuck up would be ideal.

Almost getting lost in thought, Jaakuna noticed that Emiri was already moving along. Jaakuna followed her as she beckoned him to follow her down the stairs, and through a gate that she forced open. Then there was a literal tunnel of hope for them to get out of the Garamsythe Waterway. First Emiri crawled through, and Jaakuna could see some of her undergarments. He followed her after she got through. He could feel the heat from the desert above. No doubt that they were right beneath the desert, but Jaakuna wasn’t sure which one it was exactly; not like he cared. He just wanted to get out from the sewers, so the heat would be something he would have to endure.

As he got through the tight squeeze, Jaakuna was able to get up, and he dusted off the dirt that gathered on his dark olive-green pants. He also did the same to his red jacket, which was zipped up entirely. As he did that, Emiri would go on to point to the entrance ahead stating that the Aerodome was through there. Jaakuna followed Emiri as they both went through it and up to surface they were. Through turns and all that, they were on the surface and just a turn away, the Aerodone awaited them. However, as Jaakuna peeked over, he saw what he didn’t want to see…his ex-wife.

“Shit, we’re too late. She’ already there. What do you want to do now? We can try rushing past her, but she’s got five Archadian Imperial Soldiers with her.” Jaakuna asked Emiri as no doubt she wouldn’t want to face Jaakuna’s ex-wife either. Shit just can’t go his way.
The dizziness from the loss of blood made Jaakuna a bi embarrassed and definitely ashamed of himself. He didn’t know why, but he felt that showing this kind of injury in front of someone, let alone a girl, was shameful. Well, it’s not like he really believes in that whole honor thing that his family of House Darcone believes in. Then again, his brother Vincent was always the one that had that whole honor thing. Jaakuna was more of the ‘fuck off’ kind of guy. Still, he did know when to ask for help. Or rather, when he’s in such bad shape, help would come along his way whether he asked for it or not.

Emiri knelt down to eye-level to Jaakuna and as she placed her hands on his head, mainly the part that the wound was present at. He felt a weird tingling feeling around that area of his head. Jaakuna couldn’t deceiver what it was, but it felt like his skin was growing back. Jaakuna didn’t know how exactly she did it, but something he knew for damn sure was that his head was feeling a lot better. Granted he still felt a bit loppy, but that was from the bloodloss, which should get back after a few minutes..hopefully.

As he got his vision back, Jaakuna wobbled back to his feet. Emiri made a comment about the person that would most likely be waiting for them couldn’t be stronger than their blades. “Oh how wrong you are. The person that is most likely going to be waiting for us is stronger than you could ever imagine.” Just thinking of it, Jaakuna shivered. “She’s my Ex-Wife, Savayna Glacie, General of the Imperial Forces of the Archadian Empire.” Jaakuna said as he felt a very sore aftertaste in his mouth. “So, don’t tell me that we can take her. I barely can and I’ve known her almost my entire life. “ JAakuna said as he walked a few feet forward.

He looked at the pathways in front of him and to the side and all around. “I have an airship awaiting me at the Aerodome. We can use that to get the hell out of dodge.”
As he healed her foot, Emiri showed Jaakuna gratitude. Considering how they met and how their days started, Jaakuna saw this as a weird change of events. He went from lying about wanting to kill her and kidnapping her to actually helping her injury out. It definitely wouldn’t have been expected, especially considering the amount of gil that Jaakuna had gotten to take her to whoever hired her. When he first informed her about it, she seemed to know who hired him and even more so that they were bad people. Jaakuna really didn’t care at the time. He only cared for the money. It’s not like he’s starting to rethink it, but for now, the two of them had to rely on each other to get out of the sewers.

“Ah fuck, if we go that way, it’s most likely we’ll be met by a cold-hearted bitch who would like nothing more to take us to a very mean person. “Jaakuna snarled. Just thinking about his ex-wife and his bastard of a brother put a nasty aftertaste in his mind and just saying their names did the same thing, but for his mouth. “But I guess it would be the best route to go--” Jaakuna sighed at that notion. “--Unless there are other routes we can take..?” Jaakuna was looking for any other possibility. He didn’t want to see Savayna.

As Jaakuna thought about it, he was bleeding more from his head. “Damn it, this sucks.” Jaakuna held his head, but the bleeding wouldn’t stop. "Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fin--” But that’s when Jaakuna fell to one knee. The blood loss was becoming a little too much. “Stupid blood not stopping. “ Jaakuna cursed and cursed.
If there was ever one thing that Jaakuna regretted, it was ever getting involved with that ice-cold bitch, Savayna. Seriously, she was the worst woman he has ever known, and that’s saying a lot. Even still, another thing he regretted was that he caved in the entrance to the Garamsythe Waterway. He also was feeling a lot of pain in his head. There was no pain unlike a concussion. Jaakuna definitely didn’t think this entire scenario through. Then again, he didn’t count on his ex-wife finding him. Sheesh, shit really wasn’t going for him today.

As he slowly came to terms that Savayna found him, he was holding his head. He definitely either had a migraine or something of the sort. Not fun being Jaakuna, that’s for damn sure. While he was doing that, Emiri was preparing to run away, but Jaakuna could see that she was limping, but that’s not what caught his attention instantly. What did was the fact that she was scolding him while she was limping away. “Seriously? IT WASN’T MY FAULT!” Jaakuna yelled at her, but the loud echoes of his voice hurt his head even more. He was feeling around his head and noticed that he was bleeding. “Well ain’t that peachy.” As he realized this, he finally got up, holding his head with one hand, he picked up his swords one by one and they were placed back on the sides of his waist. He then noticed Emiri was a good ten feet ahead of him. “Oh no you don’t!” Jaakuna ran towards her, grabbing her arm with his free hand.

“Listen, you’re staying with me. “JAakuna said as he gripped her arm tight.

He noticed that one of her feet was badly injured.“This ain’t good. I need you at full health.” Jaakuna said as he let her arm go. He knelt down, and by placing his hands over her injured foot, he said one word. “Curaga” Within seconds, a calming green and white light started to flash, first from his hands then onto her leg. The sensation could be described as getting in a tub full of hot water. First it doesn’t feel good, but get past the initial burning sensation, and the feeling is full pleasure. It was within one minute that her foot would be at full health.
Jaakuna was prepared to fight. His sword was out, held in two-handed grip and he had a stance. He would be ready for whatever Emiri would throw at him, be it on a metaphorical sense or even literally throw something at him, he would be ready for anything. Jaakuna held his stance for a few seconds and then suddenly she was gone. He didn’t know how. Like, seriously how would she be able to get away without passing him. Jaakuna really wasn’t sure how it happened, but when he realized she wasn’t in the room, he looked around and noticed that her weapons were gone too.

Smart girl. Jaakuna heard a slight commotion from outside the room. He was positive that Emiri was the cause of it, so as he opened up the door in a fast motion, someone was hit smack daddy right on the nose, knocking them out in the process. "Dumbass. Shouldn’t have been near the door.” Jaakuna just shrugged at the fact that the guy was knocked out. It would seem that, based on the food on the floor that this was supposed to be Emiri’s dinner. Of course, plans changed. Jaakuna looked at the food and it looked mighty tasty. It looked like seared cockatrice breast meat with some tomato salsa. It’s a shame it got wasted like that.

Jaakuna ran past the food, and down the hallway, sword on his back as a sword in his hand would alarm the people within the tavern. He ran down the stairs, and onto the ground floor of the tavern. He would then see a few people were pushed down already. Jaakuna just ran past by everyone. Kierra was going to say something, but before she could even get a word in, Jaakuna was already out the door. Now he found himself looking left and right and up and back to the left and right directions. He had to think about what route she could have went. The smart thing for her to do would be to go to the Lowtown. At least, that’s where Jaakuna would go if he was in her shoes. However, Jaakuna was having a little trouble where the nearest entrance to Lowtown was. It took a little searching, but he eventually found the entrance.

As he entered Lowtown, Jaakuna caught a glimpse of Emiri running for her life. He went as fast as he could as he drew his two Blood Swords while he was running. He saw that she was heading towards Garamsythe Waterway. Jaakuna tried to catch up to her, but people in Lowtown were getting in his way. Jaakuna was pushing them out of his way, but he did lose about four minutes of time cause of the amount of people. He would eventually then find his way through the people, but only to be stopped right in front of the entrance to the Garamsythe Waterway by an unlikely person that he never thought he would ever see.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Jaakuna asked angrily. “Tell me, Savayna!” Jaakuna yelled.

She smiled. “Just as hot-tempered as ever, Lord Darc--” She was interrupted

“I told you never to call me that. EVER!” Jaakuna roared.

As he went after her with both blood swords, swinging in several directions. Savayna merely dodged all the slashes by either moving out of the way or with her sword and shield. She just loved the way Jaakuna would get angry. She knew how to push his buttons as she should know how to. How is that? Well, she is Jaakuna’s ex-wife. Definitely makes things interesting between the two of them and also, she knows how to get under his skin. As she takes her time to get Jaakuna all riled up, she goes in for her own slash after parrying his slashes and catching him off guard. Her slash was coated with ice magic. The slash, even if it were to miss the slice would extend with Ice Magic. It did miss, and ice magic followed with a cold chill of the blizzard and the full force of it, as well. Jaakuna was knocked back by it, and he actually fell on his back, but he still had his swords in hands.

“Damn it, you stupid bitch! Get the fuck out of my way!” Jaakuna got back up quick as he kipped up.

“Jaakuna, my dear ex-husband, your brother requests your company. Won’t you do his lordship the honor of a family reunion?” She acted with a very clear tone of mocking and slight sarcasm.

“You tell his lordship that he can kiss my shiny, white ass. There’s no way I will see him after what he did to me!” Jaakuna said as he pretty much told Savayna to so fuck off.

“I don’t know why I waste my time.” she sighed.

“Then don’t. Just stay still so I can kick your icy ass.” Jaakuna said as he put his swords away quick.

Jaakuna embraces the mist, letting it overflow to a point where the magical essences covered his hands. Pulling them together, he unleashed a wave of mist-based fire magic. “Sea Of Flames!” As he said that, a massive, singular wave-like beam of fire went towards the Ice Bitch. She widened her eyes, and just got out of the way in time, but Jaakuna wasn’t done there. He Kept it going as he ran towards her, then he jumped pointing his arms downward and propelling himself through the entrance and down the stairs and he landed on Emiri, which hurt pretty badly.

“Fuck!” He said as rubbed his head.

His idea of getting Savayna to back the fuck off backfired. He pretty much fucked up Lowtown as a good part of it was destroyed and in the process of going through the entrance of Garamsythe Waterway, he caused the ground to cave in to the entrance. So pretty much anyone who wanted to get to there from Lowtown couldn’t.

Meanwhile, Savayna was smiling — she was mad as all hell — but she was smiling. “Find out where this entrance leads to and get me that bastard. AND FIND OUT WHY HE WAS HERE IN RABANASTRE! NOW!” Savayna said as she ordered the five Archadian Soldiers to go find out information. She was intrigued and pissed. That was not a very good combo for her.
Whether or not she was telling the truth about Jaakuna not knowing what he was getting himself into, he didn’t care. He was getting paid for a hefty amount of money. Even though Jaakuna was preparing to kidnap her, something she said hit him a little close to whatever the fuck he calls home. Regardless, unless she was willing bust out the big bucks, there was no way Jaakuna would be willing to look the other way.

“Listen doll-face, I don’t know what happened to make you like this, but whoever you’re running away from has paid me a hefty sum to get you. Now, if you think you can top that, then I would be willing to let you go.” Jaakuna said as he drew his Iga Blade. He held it with two hands as he took a left leg first-knee-bent stance with his right leg back to add a propelling motion should he need it. “Now you can come quietly and make it easier or we can do it the hard way. Believe me, I much rather it be the former.”
The situation that Jaakuna has found himself in was one that he both liked and disliked. He liked it cause he actually saw some fight within the bold Violet eyes of Emiri, but he knew that with her finally knowing why he was here to get her that shit would be complicated. So, he would have to act cautiously. However, Jaakuna was one to not act in such a way. He’s always had been rash and impatient, as seen from his earlier decisions. Still, what Emiri had to say prompted him to just be a little wary of what he does.

What she said about him not being the brightest sky pirate. That was actually a funny remark because Jaakuna never considered himself to be bright, not that bright at least. She was definitely making a lot of assumptions. Then again, it’s warranted based on what Jaakuna has done. Added to that, she also questioned him on whether or not Jaak too it into account that no one would know of her disappearance. He laughed at that.

“Oh my god, aren’t you cute? What makes you think you’ll even have enough time to scream. By the time you open that sexy little mouth of yours, you’ll be flat on your ass before you can say the word kidnapper." Jaakuna smiled at the notion that Emiri thought that her coming with him was her choice. “Listen here woman, I’m being paid a lot to return you to the country you left. To them, you’re a traitor. So, save both of us a lot of time and effort and come with me quietly.”
“Yes it is a pleasure indeed; especially for my eyes. “Jaakuna said still eyeing Emiri. He didn’t know why she was scooting over more. It did seem odd, but then he finally caught on, but he can’t believe that it took him this long to actually notice what exactly she was doing.

Jaakuna looked over to where her eyes were glancing and it was where her weapons were at. Jaakuna had to admire her for her balls. She was a true warrior. Being able to keep someone who you find threatening and by keeping the conversation alive, one would be looking for an opportunity to get your weapons in your hand. Definitely brilliant on her part, but Jaakuna wasn’t THAT stupid. Surely that Emiri didn’t think that? Maybe she did. Jaakuna does have a tendency to act a bit thick-headed and not always the smartest guy out there.

Jaakuna paced a little to her, and spoke. “Oh, you want to know what I’m doing here, don’t you? I’m here to kill you.” Jaakuna’s face was completely still. An emotion of seriousness was being expressed. The silence of one minute was probably the scariest thing one would feel. Jaakuna was just so serious-looking. After a minute, he laughed like there was no tomorrow. “JUUUUUST KIIDDING!” He said quite loud. “Some people hired me to bring you to them and well here I am.” He said smiling like a big idiot.
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