Avatar of Altered Tundra

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8 days ago
Current idk who is in the right but GRAB THE DICK AND TWIST IT!
4 likes
1 mo ago
A decade ago when we made that meme "get kid", this isn't exactly what we meant...
1 like
2 mos ago
Do you think the reason Jesus Christ doesn't rise again is because we keep putting up crosses and he gets flashbacks on how that went last time?
5 likes
7 mos ago
Happy almost crisis!
9 likes
9 mos ago
it's not just a rock IT'S A BOULDER!...or whatever Spongebob said
1 like

Bio

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He hated this. Everything about being here fucking sucked. He wasn’t home, he wasn’t in his own city, state, or whatever the hell you want to describe it as. Jaakuna just wasn’t at home and he hated it as all hell. He really didn’t like the place he was in. It was different, he wasn’t used to the idea of being in this place and he just didn’t like the odd look it had. The architecture was different, the people were different, and there were these things that floated. They were whitish tan or some other shade of that kind. They had these big red ball things attached to their heads and every sentence they spoke either began or ended with the word ‘kupo’. Like what the hell is that? Their style of standing out.

Jaakuna could only describe the area that he’s in as the plaza area. Like, there was that café and just certain things that made Jaakuna think of a plaza. Regardless, he didn’t care. He didn’t care that it was night time or that there was no one around. He didn’t even care that he was out and about and not sleeping the day away. There was just something that was keeping him up, but Jaakuna didn’t know. That was exactly why he chose to go just walk and walk around the town. He also decided to go roaming around.

Roaming and roaming, Jaakuna finds himself in the place that people have referred to as Second District. Yeah, a very cheerful name…not. Whatever, Jaakuna continues. He doesn’t know why he’s walking. The architecture is the same, though the way the city had been constructed was a little better in Jaakuna’s mind. He just continues on and then all of a sudden, he hears something that interests him. It’s something that he hasn’t heard since he got to this town.

“Is that the freaking Bell Tower I hear?” Jaakuna said.

Jaakuna looked around, hoping to get a good idea of where the bell tower was, but he just hears it going on and on. Eventually, as he walks through the second district, which should be dark, but the lights from the buildings and shops light up the district like a freaking Christmas tree or something like that. As Jaakuna was walking around, he heard the sound, but it was getting louder. That must mean he was getting closer and closer to it. “Shit, there it is again.” Jaakuna said as he turned a corner and there it was and what he saw was interesting.

“HEY YOU SONS OF BITCHES!!” Jaakuna yelled as he fast walked to where he saw people and waved to the people he saw near the Bell Tower.
As Emiri went off to freshen up in the barracks section of Jaakuna’s airship, Jaakuna had already set the course to Bhujerba. It wouldn’t be that long until they were high up in the sky at full speed. Jaakuna’s ship can get pretty fast depending on how much of a hurry that Jaakuna wants to get somewhere. Usually, though, he would have to kick the thrusters into hyper speed, but the problem with that is the turns he would have to make would make certain things be a bit bumpy. Now, Jaakuna usually doesn’t have much of a problem with that, but Jaakuna suspected that Emiri was at least going to lay down, so he went at full speeds that the airship would allow for normal travel.

Keeping the ship at non-hyper speeds, Jaakuna estimated about a thirty-minute time frame until he and Emiri would arrive at Bhujerba. As he kept the ship on the right course, he was sitting in his big cockpit alone and with his thoughts. Now, usually that wouldn’t be such a bad thing, but given what has happened today and just Jaakuna rethinking shit, he really doesn’t know what route he wants to do. On one hand, he feels it would be wrong of him to take Emiri to whoever hired him. He has never been a bad guy. He has tried to do the right thing, but he always had a weakness for gil and boy was he offered a heavy sum of it. Maybe he’ll just decide on it when the time came for it.

Not realizing how much time had passed when he was in deep thought, Jaakuna saw the Skycity of Bhujerba. It had been a full 30-minutes and it just seemed too quick. In either case, the ship was nearing the ship port. Jaakuna maneuvers the ship into the airlock and electromagnetic magnets attach themselves to Ifrit’s exterior. Jaakuna then presses a button to the left of the ship’s wheel, so to speak, and speaks. “Emiri, we’re here. Be at the center of the ship in five.” Jaakuna said as he gets out from the cockpit and within four minutes he was at the center of the ship waiting for Emiri so they can beam down to Bhujerba.
Will be posting later on today. I just did the front and back lawn by myself, so I'm pooped. I need nap to regain energy.
These be silent hills here. :C I hope Pyramidhead doesn't fuck with our minds. D:
Being in his ship after the day he had really made Jaakuna feel right at home. He’d much rather be in his ship than some stinky, shitty-ass sewers. So, definitely made him feel happy to be back aboard his baby, Ifrit. Even more so, it would seem that Emiri was astonished of not only how they got into the ship, but at the sheer size of it as she made a note of what a ship Jaakuna has. Though, she didn’t use those exact words, the overall same sentiment was present. Jaakuna smiled.

“Yeah, she is a beaut. I stole her from my brother a few years ago. Just one of the small consolations of being from the family I am.” Jaakuna really didn’t want to disclose his family name to Emiri. She would probably get the wrong idea. Or maybe she wouldn’t. Jaakuna doesn’t know that for sure, but he didn’t want to even take the chance. The fact that he is related to an Archadian Emperor made him sick to his stomach. He just had to get that nasty thought out of his mind.

Hearing the words that Emiri spoke, Jaakuna heeded her request and nodded in approval. “I’m sure we can find a nice inn over in Bhujerba. Plus, I need to attend to some business there.” Jaakuna said accepting her request.

Before he headed to the cockpit, Jaakuna turned to Emiri. “Say, you looked wiped. If you head to the far right section of my airship, you can find barracks with beds and a shower and a kitchen. You should probably take a shower too. No offense, but you stink like sewer shit.” Jaakuna said as he continued to the cockpit. He had a lot to think about, like whether or not he was going to turn Emiri in and claim his bounty. It would be an easy payday. A couple million gil for just one girl, but after seeing a glimpse of her ability and considering that it’s most likely that the Rozarrian Empire were the ones who want her, it shouldn’t be too impossible to decipher that they want Emiri in some way, shape, or form. But is it worth it? Jaakuna could be handing over the best weapon in the entire world of Ivalice. Jaakuna just shrugged it off. He just wanted to get to Bhujerba.

Whether or not Emiri heeded to Jaakuna’s advice of taking a shower or not wasn’t really on his mind right now. Jaakuna just wanted to get the hell out Rabanastre. As he was sitting in the cockpit, he set the controls to a course of the Sky City of Bhujerba. Within five minutes the ship had deported from the airship port and was full speed ahead to Bhujerba.



In Rabanastre, Savayna was still waiting for Jaakuna and Emiri to come through, but after a half of an hour, she had decided to give up, but that wasn’t until she saw in the sky. She couldn’t believe it. “HOW THE FUCK DID THEY SLIP PASS US!?!!?” She shouted. The airship, Ifrit was already gone, but it was just in an instant, but she saw the direction it was heading in. “So, they’re heading to Bhujerba huh? Fine, we are too.”

“We are?” Said one of the soldiers.

Savayna gave him the dirty look. “Yes, we are.”

“Yes M’am!” They all said in unison.

All of six of them went inside the Aerodome and went aboard their own Airship. “Send word to Lord Vincent that his brother is heading to Bhujerba. He mustn’t escape again.” Ordered Savayna.

“YES MAM!”
Standing in front of the Aerodome, Savayna stood in front of the entrance with her five soldiers knowing, that if Jaakuna was to pass by, there would be no missing him. It was by the order of the Emperor of the Archadian Empire that Jaakuna would be brought to his brother to face him after three years. Savayna also had her own personal reasons as she would like to see her ex-husband see him get his. She would strike him whenever he would come into view, but alas he didn’t.

Then time froze.

Jaakuna and Emiri slipped through the guards, one by one they didn’t see them. Then, as they went by Savayna. Jaakuna looked back at her as they went through the entrance. Jaakuna felt…odd. Maybe he felt bad for his former lover. Some part of him still did love her, but she was so far gone. The little girl he grew up with is no longer the person he sees in present day. Turning his head away, Jaakuna and Emiri are within the Aerodome and out of sight. Well, at least out of the sight of Savayna. With that being true, It would seem Jaakuna and Emiri were released from whatever kind of ability that she had. Jaakuna was amazed. Then, he put it together. This is how Emiri was able to get away from him.

“A very unique ability you got, Emiri.” Jaakuna was impressed. The fact that she had such an ability was an amazing feat. Jaakuna can see why those who hired him want her so bad. There must be a way to amplify it to some degree, but Jaakuna doesn’t know that for sure. He’s just speculating.

Jaakuna and Emiri stopped to rest for a minute and after they did that, she told him to lead her to Ifrit, his big-ass airship. Jaakuna smiled and was smug. “Yeah, let’s go. I’ve had enough of this place.” Jaakuna said as he went through the pathway that led to where all the airships are held at. Going through several channels of platforms, Jaakuna and Emiiri found themselves at a red and green airship that was huge in size. It was probably one of the biggest personal airships within the world of Ivalice. “Well, here is my baby. I call her Ifrit.” Jaakuna said as he proudly showed Emiri his ship. He then guided her to the center platform where a beam of light was activated by Jaakuna’s magical signature. It instantly beamed them up like it was something out of an alien abduction or something.
Jaakuna actually laughed slightly at the bad pun that Emiri made, but fit, of course. Jaakuna agreed with her as he laughed and nodded. It would be best for them to get on going and not get caught by his ex-wife. Jaakuna is not sure he can handle another encounter with her, especially in the shape he is in. He might be able to walk and even run, but in a full-on fight, he would be in deep shit. Jaakuna doesn’t know how Emiri fared in that regard, but perhaps injuring her foot wouldn’t help the endgame. So, for them to hurry the fuck up would be ideal.

Almost getting lost in thought, Jaakuna noticed that Emiri was already moving along. Jaakuna followed her as she beckoned him to follow her down the stairs, and through a gate that she forced open. Then there was a literal tunnel of hope for them to get out of the Garamsythe Waterway. First Emiri crawled through, and Jaakuna could see some of her undergarments. He followed her after she got through. He could feel the heat from the desert above. No doubt that they were right beneath the desert, but Jaakuna wasn’t sure which one it was exactly; not like he cared. He just wanted to get out from the sewers, so the heat would be something he would have to endure.

As he got through the tight squeeze, Jaakuna was able to get up, and he dusted off the dirt that gathered on his dark olive-green pants. He also did the same to his red jacket, which was zipped up entirely. As he did that, Emiri would go on to point to the entrance ahead stating that the Aerodome was through there. Jaakuna followed Emiri as they both went through it and up to surface they were. Through turns and all that, they were on the surface and just a turn away, the Aerodone awaited them. However, as Jaakuna peeked over, he saw what he didn’t want to see…his ex-wife.

“Shit, we’re too late. She’ already there. What do you want to do now? We can try rushing past her, but she’s got five Archadian Imperial Soldiers with her.” Jaakuna asked Emiri as no doubt she wouldn’t want to face Jaakuna’s ex-wife either. Shit just can’t go his way.
The dizziness from the loss of blood made Jaakuna a bi embarrassed and definitely ashamed of himself. He didn’t know why, but he felt that showing this kind of injury in front of someone, let alone a girl, was shameful. Well, it’s not like he really believes in that whole honor thing that his family of House Darcone believes in. Then again, his brother Vincent was always the one that had that whole honor thing. Jaakuna was more of the ‘fuck off’ kind of guy. Still, he did know when to ask for help. Or rather, when he’s in such bad shape, help would come along his way whether he asked for it or not.

Emiri knelt down to eye-level to Jaakuna and as she placed her hands on his head, mainly the part that the wound was present at. He felt a weird tingling feeling around that area of his head. Jaakuna couldn’t deceiver what it was, but it felt like his skin was growing back. Jaakuna didn’t know how exactly she did it, but something he knew for damn sure was that his head was feeling a lot better. Granted he still felt a bit loppy, but that was from the bloodloss, which should get back after a few minutes..hopefully.

As he got his vision back, Jaakuna wobbled back to his feet. Emiri made a comment about the person that would most likely be waiting for them couldn’t be stronger than their blades. “Oh how wrong you are. The person that is most likely going to be waiting for us is stronger than you could ever imagine.” Just thinking of it, Jaakuna shivered. “She’s my Ex-Wife, Savayna Glacie, General of the Imperial Forces of the Archadian Empire.” Jaakuna said as he felt a very sore aftertaste in his mouth. “So, don’t tell me that we can take her. I barely can and I’ve known her almost my entire life. “ JAakuna said as he walked a few feet forward.

He looked at the pathways in front of him and to the side and all around. “I have an airship awaiting me at the Aerodome. We can use that to get the hell out of dodge.”
As he healed her foot, Emiri showed Jaakuna gratitude. Considering how they met and how their days started, Jaakuna saw this as a weird change of events. He went from lying about wanting to kill her and kidnapping her to actually helping her injury out. It definitely wouldn’t have been expected, especially considering the amount of gil that Jaakuna had gotten to take her to whoever hired her. When he first informed her about it, she seemed to know who hired him and even more so that they were bad people. Jaakuna really didn’t care at the time. He only cared for the money. It’s not like he’s starting to rethink it, but for now, the two of them had to rely on each other to get out of the sewers.

“Ah fuck, if we go that way, it’s most likely we’ll be met by a cold-hearted bitch who would like nothing more to take us to a very mean person. “Jaakuna snarled. Just thinking about his ex-wife and his bastard of a brother put a nasty aftertaste in his mind and just saying their names did the same thing, but for his mouth. “But I guess it would be the best route to go--” Jaakuna sighed at that notion. “--Unless there are other routes we can take..?” Jaakuna was looking for any other possibility. He didn’t want to see Savayna.

As Jaakuna thought about it, he was bleeding more from his head. “Damn it, this sucks.” Jaakuna held his head, but the bleeding wouldn’t stop. "Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fin--” But that’s when Jaakuna fell to one knee. The blood loss was becoming a little too much. “Stupid blood not stopping. “ Jaakuna cursed and cursed.
If there was ever one thing that Jaakuna regretted, it was ever getting involved with that ice-cold bitch, Savayna. Seriously, she was the worst woman he has ever known, and that’s saying a lot. Even still, another thing he regretted was that he caved in the entrance to the Garamsythe Waterway. He also was feeling a lot of pain in his head. There was no pain unlike a concussion. Jaakuna definitely didn’t think this entire scenario through. Then again, he didn’t count on his ex-wife finding him. Sheesh, shit really wasn’t going for him today.

As he slowly came to terms that Savayna found him, he was holding his head. He definitely either had a migraine or something of the sort. Not fun being Jaakuna, that’s for damn sure. While he was doing that, Emiri was preparing to run away, but Jaakuna could see that she was limping, but that’s not what caught his attention instantly. What did was the fact that she was scolding him while she was limping away. “Seriously? IT WASN’T MY FAULT!” Jaakuna yelled at her, but the loud echoes of his voice hurt his head even more. He was feeling around his head and noticed that he was bleeding. “Well ain’t that peachy.” As he realized this, he finally got up, holding his head with one hand, he picked up his swords one by one and they were placed back on the sides of his waist. He then noticed Emiri was a good ten feet ahead of him. “Oh no you don’t!” Jaakuna ran towards her, grabbing her arm with his free hand.

“Listen, you’re staying with me. “JAakuna said as he gripped her arm tight.

He noticed that one of her feet was badly injured.“This ain’t good. I need you at full health.” Jaakuna said as he let her arm go. He knelt down, and by placing his hands over her injured foot, he said one word. “Curaga” Within seconds, a calming green and white light started to flash, first from his hands then onto her leg. The sensation could be described as getting in a tub full of hot water. First it doesn’t feel good, but get past the initial burning sensation, and the feeling is full pleasure. It was within one minute that her foot would be at full health.
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