Avatar of Altered Tundra

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7 days ago
Current idk who is in the right but GRAB THE DICK AND TWIST IT!
4 likes
1 mo ago
A decade ago when we made that meme "get kid", this isn't exactly what we meant...
1 like
2 mos ago
Do you think the reason Jesus Christ doesn't rise again is because we keep putting up crosses and he gets flashbacks on how that went last time?
5 likes
7 mos ago
Happy almost crisis!
9 likes
9 mos ago
it's not just a rock IT'S A BOULDER!...or whatever Spongebob said
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Well, it definitely was something that Jaakuna didn’t think he would do, but alas he found himself in this type of situation. Or rather, he made himself bein this type of situation. He didn’t know what made him do it, but he’s actually glad that he did do it. Now the question was how will this effect him? As he did stand his ground in front of Emiri, he made a note of Naddie who spoke about whether or not Jaakuna was serious. Though, maybe she was talking to Emiri. Jaakuna wasn’t sure until he heard her proudly state that her name was Emiri and not this Emelia person. Jaakuna smiled at that and started laughing.

“HAHAHAHA! YEAH TAKE THAT YOU DUMB BITCH!” Jaakuna was just so happy about this. Maybe Jaakuna’s brashness was rubbing off of Emiri after all. Or at least, making her stand up for herself. Granted they only known each other for a day, but it was still nice to see her act…well human.

On the other side of things, Jaakuna heard Vlyn ask him if he was absolutely sure about his decision. Jaakuna looked towards him and coked his head to the side and returned it to normal position. “Damn, with those giant bunny ears, I thought you would have heard me correctly.” Laughing, Jaakuna had to repeat himself. “I guess not, well let me say it again. Touch Emiri, or even think about getting near her again and I’ll fucking kick your ass, bunnyman.” Jaakuna said as he took a fighting stance.

Looking towards Emiri for a sec. “Listen, if things get too dangerous, run. I can handle these two twats myself if needbe.” Jaakuna said as his attention was back on Vlyn.
The tension in the air was so thick that you can cut like fucking butter. Seriously, with the arrival of Vlyn. He had a big sack of gil right on the ground and he motioned it to Jaakuna. Now Jaakuna officially had no place here…or did he? Granted, his job is completed. It was to hand over Emiri to Viyn and Aloa, and technically, that was exactly what was happening in the here and now. However, Jaakuna felt uneasy about this. He’s felt uneasy ever since he left the city of Rabanastre. It’s just been a lingering thought on his mind since the midday.

Jaakuna just wanted to make sense of it. Even the comment from Vlyn about women wasn’t making him laugh as he should be. Does Jaakuna really want to hand over Emiri just like that? Could I..no, I couldn’t be…could I.. Jaakuna just didn’t know. He thought he might actually feel fond of Emiri. Sure, he’s gotten used to the idea of having her around, but it’s not like there are actual emotional feelings there. There’s just no way. However, there is one thing among all this craziness that he is sure of. Handing Emiri over would be a grave mistake on his part.

“How do I put this nicely?” Jaakuna said, speaking towards Vlyn, “You can take that money, and shove it right up your brown, bunny asshole.” Jaakuna said, most likely shocking Emiri, Vlyn, but most importantly, he shocked himself. “She’s staying with me, and if ANYONE has a problem with that, they can suck my big, white dick!” Jaakuna said, as he would eventually motion Emiri to start running, but not yet. He wants to see how this will play out for the time being.
Not even getting a chance to explain, Jaakuna was denied the chance to speak, but that was just cause this chick Naddie decided to shut Emiri off from even giving him a chance. She not only discounted Jaakuna as possibly being different, but she also had the nerve to dare say that Emiri was going with her. There was something that stood out. She called Emiri Emilia. Perhaps that’s her real name. Or perhaps she has another name. Jaakuna couldn’t make sense of any of this. He just wanted to settle one thing at a time before he tackled the other things.

Watching the two women engage in some heated discussion, Jaakuna couldn’t help but feel insulted. It wasn’t due to the fact that he was being ignored, but he felt..well he didn’t know what he felt, but it wasn’t good. He didn’t trust this Naddie chick. Even more so, he didn’t like being ignored. Jaakuna took out his Iga Blade “Geez, what is it with you blonde bitches being so rude?” Jaakuna said as he pointed his Iga Blade at Naddie. “If you think you’re taking my one-way ticket to millions of gil, you got another thing coming, NaddieHe said.

Jaakuna wouldn’t have this. It wasn’t the fact that Jaakuna felt some type of way for Emiri, but who knows, maybe Jaakuna is getting comfortable of her being around. “So, the way I see it, you have two choices.” Jaakuna said, “Choice number one, you go back to whatever bitchcave you crawled from, and never bother Emiri or I ever again. Or..”Jaakuna said as he walked in-between Emiri and Naddie. “You can pick choice two, which would be to go through me, you dumb blonde bimbo!” Jaakuna said as his voice reached a very insulting, all-time high.
Honestly, Jaakuna had no idea what he wanted to do. The truth was out about him being one of the crown princes of Archadia, but there’s so much there that isn’t being revealed, but for good reason. If anyone knew what Jaakuna really did, they would hang him instantly. The truth of that is Jaakuna wouldn’t blame them, but fuck, if anyone knew WHY he accidentally killed his father, would they still hang him? Probably not, but Jaakuna also has to take it into account that Ramon doesn’t know anything about that. For that very reason he is thankful. It bought him some time.

Even though Ramon wouldn’t blame him for abandoning his ex-wife in the Aerodome, that could lead to that guy Carlo certainly dying. On the other side of things, if he did go in there and settle this matter with Savayna, he would miss the chance to at least explain himself to Emiri and that Naddie chick. Then there’s the matter of those two Viera. Jaakuna doesn’t know exactly what they’re like when they get angry. Wait a minute.. Jaakuna probably just put it together. They couldn’t be.. Jaakuna was just thinking that what if the two Viera were working for the Rozarrian empire this whole time and he never put it together. If that was true, then he was truly at a crossroads.

He had to choose and he had to do it now. ”Just too funny. I was grilling Emiri about not making choices and here I am forced to make one.” On some level, Jaakuna found this ironic. He was on Emiri’s ass about choosing and how she didn’t and now he has to do the same exact thing. “Brother, I’m sorry for your situation and I know I SHOULD settle this with Savayna, but I just can’t — not now at least. I hope you can understand it. Jaakuna said as he decided. He was going to deal with Emiri first and possibly get at the whole situation with Savayna at a later time.

As Jaakuna walked over to Emiri and Naddie, he knew he had some s’plaining to do. ”Now, just let me explain. It really isn’t what it looks like, that much I can promise you.” Jaakuna said as he was at least hoping for a chance to explain himself. Even though it’s more about him wanting to set the record straight and not about whether or not Emiri feels any better.
Jaakuna was both surprised to see his brother here and not surprised. As strange as that sounds, Jaakuna had completely forgot that his older, half-brother was the Marquis of Bhujerba. It didn’t hit him until now that it was indeed his brother. Ramon made a comment about the two women behind Jaakuna and as he looked towards them, Jaakuna laughed, “No trust me, neither of them are mine in that way — the brunette, maybe — but the blonde is..well I really don’t know who the fuck she is.” Jaakuna said questioning who exactly the woman with Emiri was.

As he started to think about that very same thing, he zoned out, as always. It took the mention of the Ifrit that Jaakuna zoned back in. What his brother said made some sense, but really? How was he supposed know that after three years that him and the Ifrit would wind up into some trouble. Even further, Ramon confirmed a worry of Jaakuna’s as him saying that Savayna was there in the Aerodome. “Well, my dear older brother, if you must know, it wasn’t my choice to come here.” Jaakuna said as he looked towards Emiri. “Yeah, so don’t blame me for something that wasn’t in my side of the ball court. Besides, I was going to be out of here by morning, but obviously that’s not going to happen.” Jaakuna said as he sighed at the matter.

As he was done speaking, Jaakuna knew he had to face his lovely ex-wife, “So, what can I do to help? I figure the least I can do is try to get your ass out of this jam.”
No doubt that Jaakuna surprised the two girls, maybe the blonde who was the most surprised as she had stared at him for quite a bit amount of time. Jaakuna didn‘t mind the staring. But damn she sure did it quite awkwardly. “See something you like, hotcakes?“ Jaakuna said as he noticed she pulled out her weapon, a Rapier. Jaakuna was just about to get his Iga Blade out, but then Emiri spoke and that seemed to calmed her down. Jaakuna is still keeping his distance of the one called Naddie.

As the two women in front of him were arguing, Jaakuna got the impression that they knew each other, as Emiri addressed her as Naddie, which seemed to anger her. Naddie responded by calling Emiri Lia. That was odd. Jaakuna thought it would have been iri or some shit like that. “Lia huh? Is there something that you want to tell me?” Jaakuna joked…sort of. However, right after he said that, Emiri asked him what he was doing here, and even saying his name. “Well, what am I to do? You’re my fucking prize and you just got up and left me. I was heartbroken love. Besides, I’m thinking the Ice Bitch is here too. Or at least I hope so or else some other shit is going down.” Jaakuna said as he looked toward the mess over whatever was going down and he couldn’t believe it.

“RAMON!?!?!” Jaakuna yelled as he completely ignored the two women in front of him. He couldn’t believe it. His fucking brother was here in Bhujerba and he never eve knew of it.
She has had enough of the waiting. She gave him almost ten minutes to give her the fucking passcode, but Savayna was losing her patience with Carlo. She was only giving him this long cause of the position she would most likely put the Archadian Empire in from her antics here. However, she was getting a real bad feeling about this all. Anymore time wasted and Savayna was definitely certain that the time would allow the Bhujerbain forces coming in and stop her for sure. If that were to happen, shit would only get worse from then on. Suddenly, her worst fears came to fruition.

“DAMMIT! WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING!?!?” Roared Savayna.

She could not only see them through the lights of torches, but she could also hear them mobilizing and she heard them say something about securing the Aerodome and then about making sure Carlo was okay. At this point, Savayna was frantic and just all-around pissed beyond all hell. She didn’t know whether to just kill Carlo right now and just get it over with or use him as a bargaining chip. The latter definitely sounded like the smarter route to with.

“What are you guys doing just standing around? Make sure you watch the exit and entrance and make sure those assholes outside don’t get it. “ She ordered. “Mages, you better get your wands ready cause this is going to be a long night.” She said as she took a hold of Carlo and took him ways from the entrance/exit. She took him his office actually, still tied up. She then hit him with the bottom side of her hilt right in the noggin, causing him to become unconscious.
Back at the Armanda, Jaakuna is still asleep. Tossing and turning, he dreams of his time back at the Archadian Empire, he dreams of still being married to Savayna, and he remembers the day that changed his entire life.

The Imperial City of Archadia has always been on the leading city of using Magicite and Nethicite to power their weapons and city. That has never been something that they hid from, especially the Royal Family of House Darcone. They always indulged in such a manner that they’ve became greedy and the Empire’s richest and most influential family. They hold the most power within the empire, as seen by the Emperor, Simon Aver Darcone-Archadia. This man has a commanding presence, much like his two sons do. Simon is a man who is proud of his accomplishments and doesn’t stray far from being blunt. He is also a man who takes great stride in securing his family’s place in the leadership of the Archadian Empire, even if it means abusing power.

In the royal palace, there sits, in the throne that is laced with colors ranging from gold to white, black to blue, and metals of all kind, sits Simon. His presence as powerful as he is in his own right of magic and influence. He sits like a smug son of a bitch, smiling as if he has no worries in the world. In comes his two sons on his command.

“My sons, take a seat, won’t you.” Simon gestures his two sons, Vincent and Jackson’Jaakuna’, to take a seat.

In front of him are two very comfy chairs. The oldest son takes the seat on the left and the youngest takes the one on the right.

“My sons, how fares your conquests?” He says as his voice is deep, and rigid with punctuation.

“Father, they fare quite pleasantly. My men just took over that nation in the north as you requested.” Vincent says as he puts his head down.

“And you, my oldest, Jackson…I mean Jaakuna?” Simon said correcting himself.

“They’re fine father, like you care.” Jaakuna bitterly said.

“How can you say that? Of course I care which woman my son had just married. Just cause I couldn’t attend the wedding isn’t any representation of how I feel about my oldest .” Simon was probably putting on a façade, but he was trying to get his son to understand that he loves him, in his own twisted way.

“Okay father, if you say so.” Jaakuna said trying to say as little as possible.

Simon was confused, but he let the matter go. “Well, in any case, my two sons, I have come to a decision.” He began to speak. “As you know, I am giving the throne up to one of you and I have to make the decision.” He continued, “Usually, the oldest, — that would be you Jaakuna — but your marriage to that…woman made me rethink it. As pertaining to that very reason, my youngest.” He said looking towards Vincent, “My son, stand up.” He said.

Vincent stood up, proudly as his posture was straight as it possibly could be. “Vincent Ordull Darcone, I pronounce you as my heir. Starting tomorrow, you will be the Emperor of Archadia.” He said as he announced Vincent the new emperor, and not Jaakuna.

“Thank you father. I will not let you do---”
“Are you fucking kidding me with this bullshit!?”


Just as Vincent was about to finish his sentence, Jaakuna rudely interrupted him. Vincent had a look of complete shock on his face. Simon had a similar look, but it was laced with a forefront of anger.

“Jaakuna, mind your place.”
“Father, with all due respect, shut the fuck up.”
“E-E-Exucse me? Do you mind repeating that?”
“Oh, was I not clear? Okay, let me repeat myself. SHUT! THE1 FUCK! UP!”


The look on both Vincent’s and Simon’s face were both shocked as all hell, and as they should be. Vincent was more distraught that his brother would show such disrespect to their father. However, Simon was feeling a different form of shock. It was more angrily-shocked than surprised shocked. Simon was trying his best not to lash out on his own son, but it was failing.

“Listen here you little shit, I just named your brother as the heir to the throne. You should be congratulating him instead of showing the biggest sign of disrespect to your own blood — to your father.” Simon went off on his son.

“Oh? You expect me to accept this? My little brother getting the throne before me? How exactly am I supposed to accept that?”

Simon was even more angry. “You don’t have a choice in the matter. Frankly, you married that whore, Savay--” Simon was cut off.

Jaakuna had lost it. Naming his brother as heir over him was something, but insulting his bride was crossing the line. Jaakuna had proceeded to get out of his chair, launched himself five feet forward, and in step, a right uppercut was launched to Simon from Jaak. The force applied to it was so high that it launched Simon up and over out of the throne, through the glass and out the window…down seven floors of air until he hit the concrete floor below head first and bouncing into two backflips and he laid dead on his stomach, arms out and legs twisted.

“FAAAAAAAAATHERRRRRR!!!!!!!!!” Vincent shouted on the top of his lungs, crying as he yelled.

Jaakuna just stood there and ran out of the throne room. He was angry at his father, sure, but did he mean to kill him? That is uncertain. Jaakuna was just so distraught. He immediately fled to the area of the city that the airships are kept. Jaakuna knew he couldn’t stay and he definitely knew that he couldn’t tell his wife about this. He couldn’t tell Savayna that he did this FOR her. He just had to flee. That’s why he’s taking Ifrit, HIS ship, though it was given to him by his father. It’s the only thing he will have to remember his father by and it’s the only thing that he will have to keep himself sane.

As he woke up, Jaakuna rushed into sitting-up position. That is the twentith time he has had that dream and it’s been only this month. He just can’t stop having it. It’s always with him, and never can he escape it. He knows that’s why Savayna’s here. He really doesn’t know if the marriage is still intact or not, but he didn’t want Emiri to know that.

Jaakuna walks towards the living room and as he nears the living room he sees Emiri out on the window. It would seem that she was going to get some fresh air, so he was going to go back to bed as soon as he would get some water, but he stopped cause he saw her gathering her weapons and then she jumped. Jaakuna instantly ran to the window and he saw her with some blonde-haired woman. He could hear some bits and pieces, but he caught the name Naddie.

When he saw that, he instantly went inside to get his weapons. It only took maybe a minute or so to get his Blood Swords and Iga Blade. As he was fully stocked with his weapons, Jaakuna had also got on his regular clothes. That didn’t take much longer either, maybe an additional minute or so. Once he did he returned to the outside of the room and he saw Emiri going with that blonde woman. Jaakuna jumped off of the window with one foot and he propelled himself over the gap between the hotel room he was in and the building next to it.

Being like the thief he is, he silently followed the two girls until he saw that the soldiers of Bhujerba were gathering at the Aerodome. Jaakuna was worried. Had they found out who he is? Or was there more to it? Jaakuna would still follow Emiri and the woman she was with to see what would happen. He would do that by hopping the buildings one at a time. He would get to the point that they stopped and they were heading up the Aerodome and Jaakuna would hang off the side of it, aligning himself out of sight, but him being able to see where the girls were, and he quietly hopped over the ledge, sneaking his way behind the girls. He was doing anything he could to hear what the girls were hearing and he did hear some bits about some guy named Carlo being safe or them trying to get him safe. Jaakuna didn’t know what this was about, but he quietly came up behind Emiri and the blonde woman.

“So, what’s going on here?” Jaakuna said as he was right behind Emiri and the one he could only assume was Naddie.
As Savayna waited for Carlo to get the passcode to her, she was wondering what was taking so goddamn long. Surely it wasn’t that hard in getting a simple passcode. She would think that Carlo valued his life. Like, he was already beat up pretty bad, so taking it into account that he would get hurt some more should he get any funny ideas. Still, the notion that he did was plaguing her mind. Savayna wanted him to hurry the fuck up.

“Would you speed it up already?” She demanded, voice filling up with impatience.

Carlo was getting afraid. He was wondering what was taking so long with the silent alarm getting to the Marquis. Surely the alarm went through. As he sat at the computer, Carlo made sure to double check and the alarm was activated, so why didn’t the Marquis answer? Carlo did know that he would have to stall the Archadian General from getting even more impatient with him. If he didn’t, it would surely mean his life.

“I’m sorry, but it seems that this computer isn’t processing my information. “ He said with a distinct tone of fear in his voice.

Savayna grunted in anger. “Well, hurry it up or we’ll end it here, got it!?” She said, yelling towards Carlo, giving him a clear point that his life would be done should he do anything wrong.

Carlo gulped, but he pretended to get it done so that he can buy himself some time for help be it from the Bhujerbian forces or any friendly forces.
Yeah, but he's old now, so as I said, hasbeen. I don't discredit what he did in the past/in his prime, but making these jokes about him being the best isn't making him look any better.
The comparison to Chuck Norris who is a fucking hasbeen. >_<
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