Avatar of Altered Tundra

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17 days ago
Current A decade ago when we made that meme "get kid", this isn't exactly what we meant...
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1 mo ago
Do you think the reason Jesus Christ doesn't rise again is because we keep putting up crosses and he gets flashbacks on how that went last time?
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6 mos ago
Happy almost crisis!
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9 mos ago
it's not just a rock IT'S A BOULDER!...or whatever Spongebob said
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10 mos ago
I will never show empathy for a bigot or a man who believed empathy is a made up term. Simple as that.
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"The only thing I feel is this Chocobo's fur rubbing in places it shouldn't be." Jaakuna itched inside his dark green pants, trying to find that spot that felt the itchiest.

The Chocobo heard Jaakuna's comment and made its trademark kweh noise that Jaakuna had to assume was its way of scowling at him. It huffed as it jumped the gap between the cliff of Ozmone to the entrance to Henne Mines. As it landed, however, it became evident to Jaakuna that the Chocobo was a vengeful creature; for the moment its skinny feet made contact with the ground, it popped up its behind, which sent Jaakuna flying off and landing face-first on the cold grass.

Jaakuna caught himself about a few moments of being on the ground. He saw the Chocobo looking at him with an ever-present smug-like expression. He scowled as the Chocobo denied Jaakuna's attempts to getting on his back. "Emiri, tell this dumb bird to let me on!" Jaakuna demanded, glaring at the Chocobo.
DNA — Kendrick Lamar — DAMN.
Wash it All Away — Five Finger Death Punch — Got Your Six (Deluxe Edition)
Sea of Fate — Rhapsody of Fire — The Frozen Tears of Angels
Vertigo — Eyeshine — Gone Tomorrow
What I've Done — Linkin Park — Minutes to Midnight
I Will Follow You In the Dark — Death Cab for Cutie — Plans
Sleep Tight — Kisum feat. Gilgu Bonggu — The Sun, The Moon
Exodus 04' — Utada Hikaru — Exodus
Welcome Home — Coheed and Cambria — Good Apollo, I'm Burning Star IV Volume I: From Fear Through the Eyes of Madness
Heavy — Linkin Park feat. Kiiara — One More Light
Just to name a few...
  • White Chicks - any self-respecting 2000s teen has to love this movie no matter what and this because of one special line: WE'RE GONNA GO SHOPPIIIIIIING!
  • Kung-Fu Hustle/Shaolin Soccer - I pair these two together because they are equally awesome, stupid, and absolutely hilarious.
  • Superbad - need I even say anything?
  • Napoleon Dynamite - I got some sweet skills.
  • Austin Powers - Shall we shag now or shag later?
  • Machete - now available in space.
  • Spy Kids - okay, despite the nostalgia, it's still stupid as fuck.
  • Kick Ass - features a kickass superhero who kicks ass and because of that, names himself Kick Ass.
  • Kick Ass 2 - now featuring a new superhero by the name of Ass-Kicker.


That's it for the first wave. Second wave coming shortly.
Throughout the day, Jaakuna and Emiri, though they actually had gone to bed for a few hours, had spent the entirety of the evening until nightfall came planning how they would sneak out and what they would bring with him. They both agreed that the best thing for Jaakuna to bring was his new, fancy sword that ended up becoming less of a burden than he thought it would. Originally, it was a large sword, but it bent to his will to become lighter to accommodate his fighting style. After that was settled, they simply would feign unconsciousness until they were certain that everyone had gone to sleep.

And then they would execute their plan, which was a simple one. Once everyone had retired for the night, they would wake up and sneak past the guard patrol through the halls of the royal palace; which seemed a lot easier than it should’ve been. The next step would use the secret entrance to Lowtown that was on the west wing of the palace and down a flight of stairs. Emiri so happily lets Jaakuna in on this secret during their preliminary planning stages. Going through there was easy enough. No one knew about it, so it wasn’t guarded.

The pair would make their way into Lowtown and after they met with Old Dalan, explaining where they were going, he gave them his blessing. From that point on, it was to the teleporting crystal and setting a path to Jahara. It only took a few moments for them to spawn in the secret village of the Garif. The crystal alerted the Garif, to which Jaakuna and Emiri quickly evaded due to their vitality being better than them. Plus, as soon as they had set foot on the land, a cloaking spell was placed on them, hiding them from the view of the Garif patrolmen.

And with swift running, Jaakuna and Emiri ran out of Jahara, the cloaking spell ending just as they ran into the night, heading towards Henne Mines, unaware that they were found out…

Jaakuna stopped briefly, hearing the musings from Emiri. “Oh it’s nothing, I thought I heard something. Probably was just the wind.” He gave her a smile as they continued forth.


Savayna could have sworn that Lorenzo was just like Jaakuna when he went to work on whatever invention that he was working on. Just like Jaakuna was during the time he spent in his own respective garage as he built some of the many weapons that Archadia used, Lorenzo was as serious as her ex-husband was. He fit the magcite into the contraption that would go around Grant’s neck. He tripped some of the magicite off to make it fit and after a few moments of tweaking with it, he approached his brother, clicking it on his neck.

The suspense was so thick you could cut it with a knife and still not trim it down at all. She waited, giving Grant all of her undivided attention, eager to hear him speak. And as he opened up his mouth, though she heard sound coming from his mouth, it was not what she expected. Unlike his deep, eloquent voice that was pristine and what royalty sounded like, he had a whiny, complaining, completely befitting of all of the whining and complaining he did. The voice was so high, it made most teenage girls sound like a guy.

And as Grant would question why it was so high, Savayna couldn’t help it: she fell to her knees, bursting into an uncontrollable fit of laughter, coughing because of the severity of her cackling. “Come on, say something else, Granella.” Savayna teased him, looking to Lorenzo. “Larry, forgive me, I didn’t think you’d be able to do it, but you’ve truly given Grant the voice that matches his moping.” She gave him a thumbs up as she went back to Grant’s gaze, who seemed to be pouting. “Oh, come on, you got your voice back. It might not be what you’re expecting, but as he said, it’s only a temporary solution until you figure out what is actually wrong with you.”

After a few more moments of getting it out of her system, Savayna would lead the two brothers back through the way they came. Going of a ridge within the caverns, they came up from the entrance of Zertinan to Ozmone, and it had gotten pitch black.

“Just as Grant feared.” Savayna expressed her disappointment, looking directly at Lorenzo. “This is all your fault. Had you not forgotten about the Speartongue’s snot bubble side effects, we would’ve made it in time to Jahara before it was nightfall.” She scowled, bonking him over the head. Savayna made a huff forward. There was still enough light for them to see a path to Jahara. “Come on. Perhaps we can plead with the Garif to give us sanctuary for the remainder of the night. We can suggest it’s a matter of diplomatic urgency..” She mischievously cackled, starting to walk forward, huffing and puffing herself to leadership once again. Thankfully, there was a light coming from Jahara that made it just a little easier for her.

The light remained active long enough for the trio to make it to Jahara. They were about to enter the sacred village, but Savayna heard the stomping noise of one or two pairs of footsteps originating from Jahara, but it came for Savayna and the boys. As if to hide from it, she pulled the boys behind a mountain formation but sneakily glanced at who or what it was. To her surprise, she saw familiar golden hair and a recognizable red jacket.

“What the fuck?” She stated, irate. What on Ivalice were these two doing here? “We’re following them.” Savayna suggested, though it was more of an order. The blonde, instead of going towards Jahara like they originally planned, went to follow Jaakuna and Emiri. Whatever they were up to, she wanted to know.
With the death, albeit more personal, of the final Speartongue, Mateus had faded away and Savayna flipped him as he did. After he was gone, she snapped her left index, middle, and thumb fingers to cease the ice that had Lorenzo frozen. Whether he would catch himself before falling was on him. The important thing was that Grant seemed to have what they needed. So she'd happily go over to him, seeing for herself exactly what it looked like. Upon viewing it, however, she echoed his nauseated expression. The slime, the goo - it was going to make her hurl up the breakfast she had earlier in the day.

"So, that's supposed to make you talk, huh?" She joked, giving him a laugh.

Savayna sprayed some misty water magick over it while in Grant's hand. As the brown and forest green slime washed off, the magicite would slowly be revealed. To her surprise, it didn't look like any magicite she had seen. The Sonosis Magicite was flat and it swirled to the top like a spiral dome. It had deep ridges starting at the top that led to the flat surface. It was as big as Grant's palm and it didn't have the same shine that typical magicite had.

"I wonder--" as she spoke, the magicite had a gleam of pure white, specks of magick shooting from the top. When she stayed silent, it went away. "I see, so that's how it works. It responds to sound." Savyana said as low as she could muster, seeing Lorenzo finally join them. She would gesture him to be shush.
"And another one bites the dust."

With combined efforts of Hume and Esper, the Speartongues fell one by one. Grant took out several of them with a Darkja and a ray of bullets from his gun. Mateus nabbed three of them with one swing of his mighty trident, their cries envigorating the merman esper. Savayna fed off of Mateus' joyous warcry as she too let out one of her own, blasting speartongue after speartongue with her magick and swinging her Ice Queen sword at them. If they weren't sliced to bits by her masterful swordswomanship, then they were frozen then sliced to tiny chunks of ice. This would continue until just a few remained.

And as soon as she would eye them, the toads seemed unfazed. This brought a smile to her face as she gave Mateus a devious look. The two might bicker, but boy did they love killing monsters. It was what they bonded over. Plus, they had this rivalry going on. who could kill the most before the bell rung? Only one way to find out!

Savayna rushed and Mateus did the same, but midstep, Lorenzo called out to her, flat out ordering her to freeze the Marilith. She huffed, but she noticed that it would be easy. However, Mateus cackled as he eyed it too. Savayna looked to him, irate. "No, he called me. I'm going to freeze it."

"Your aim sucks. Besides, you stole one of my kills. I should get this one."

"Merman please, you blocked my shot. You're lucky I didn't cave us in with my last shot."

As they kept bickering, little did either of them know they had unleashed their respective blizzaga towards the snake beast. Sure, they froze it where it had been pinned, but due to their egos flaring, the freezing area of effect also included Lorenzo and - well, as Savayna would look over, assuming she did her duty - she noticed that he was frozen with a petrified expression his face. "You see, now look at what you did, you egotistical asswipe!" Savayna snapped at Mateus.

"I'm not the one with the bad aim." Mateus retorted with a pout, turning his head around as if like a child.

"Oh sure, like that's going to solve any problems." She huffed, looking to Lorenzo and the snake beast. "You'll be fine," she said, sighing as she refocused on the beasts in front of them. "Grant, Mateus - just let Larry freeze for now. He needed to chill out, anyway. Let's just focus on the Speartongues." She told them. "we'll distract two of them, Mateus, and Grant you'll take the other one. And this time don't shoot the icky snot bubble, okay?" She reminded him of his past mistake. "ready...GO!" And her and Mateus took off, taking on the two on the left and right respectively. Using enhancements from their magick, the two would pierce their two respective Speartongues against the furthest wall, killing them instantly.

That only left one for Grant to deal with and no other distractions. You got this, Grant.
It all appeared to go according to plan. The Speartongue was in sight and Grant aimed carefully, then shot at it. In that moment, all seemed well. She was actually starting to think how easy this was going to be. Maybe it was actually going to go without any complications. So in that, Savayna wouldn't close her eyes just so she'd be able to savor the moment. However, as her ears waited and waited to hear the vibrations of the firearm sounding off through the hollow walls of the cavern and the sound of steel piercing flesh, immediately, she noticed something was wrong because neither of those things happened. It only took her a moment to catch a shadow arise from behind the toad.

Moments later, as everything unfolded, the visage of a viper-looking monster came into the illumination from Lorenzo's magick and it was huge. No larger than Savayna remembered the deceased Judge Magister Robur was. Of course, nowhere nearly as bulky, but it was tall as he was, not to mention as ugly, too. Distracted by it, Savayna hadn't noticed the gathering of more Speartongues. By the time she did realize this, there were almost a dozen of them. One had shot a bubble out from their mouth and Savayna nor Lorenzo would be able to stop what happened next.

THUD

Grant's body fell to the ground. Hard. Apparently, the liquid held a sleeping side-effect. Whoever was hit by it would feel the effects of it and find themselves on a one-way ticket to the land of Sleepytown. Just as she was going to pull out a spare awakening she had in her left pocket, she noticed one of the Speartongues lept for her. Unprepared and defenseless, Savayna looked and then, as if sensing her notion to be protected, Mateus was summoned and his trident sliced through it cleanly.

Looking at the fallen toad beast, Savayna was thankful for that, but at the same time, she was in despair because now they had to find another one for the Sonosis Magicite.

"Apologies, Savayna. I know you needed it alive, but, well you were going to die, so sorry but not sorry." Mateus said, disguising his snark as an apology.

She scowled at Mateus as she gave GRant the awakening. When his eyes started to open, she kept her own on them. When she would get the non-verbal cues that he was okay, she stood up with him. "Next time, don't shoot the snot bubble." She warned him.

And so they were back at it again. Mateus with his trident and floating in the air, Savayna wielding her Ice Queen Sword, Grant had his gun, and Lorenzo his lightning aura and fists. It was an all-out battle from here on. The goal? To retrieve an unharmed SOnosis Magicite.

Ready? FIGHT!
"That's not the only reason he likes me," Savayna smirked Lorenzo's way, somewhat nudging Grant. Despite him being silent, she could hear him condemning her for that comment, followed by an obvious scowl.

Savayna had simply shrugged as Lorenzo and Grant did as she commanded. While the blond would conjure up a thunderball, he gently - or what he thought was gentle - up to the ceiling that caused a few pieces of rock to fall on them. It had the same feel and amount of force as harmless gravel. She was about to berate him, but then she saw her plan worked. The ball of lightning did what it was meant to and lit up the cavern like a tree for Archades Day.

Hearing Lorenzo speak, Savayna nodded. She would then move forward with the Rozarrian brothers beside her as the light continued to illuminate the cavern darkness. However, she couldn't help but wonder about what he said. What was it that he forgot? Hopefully, it wasn't anything too serious. She didn't want to run into any surprises for this very simple mission. All they needed to do was get one piece of that special magicite and then they could get out of the caverns as soon as possible.

And then, as they came to a turn, there was one in front of them. "Okay, there's one. Get ready, Grant."
"Then Grant should do the deed." Savayna quickly stated, giving him a nod. "Let's face it, Sparkles: we're too erratic with our fighting tactics. You like to punch and punch and I get carried away. Grant, however, is focused and minimal, not to mention he's the only one of us who uses a gun." She added, staring rather sternly at Lorenzo.

She joined Grant in the search for toad monsters. Since Lorenzo said they were looking for a toad or frog-looking beast. After a few moments of looking around, there didn't seem to be one near them, so the likely option would be to bring it to them. "Larry, make it shine in here but don't make the cavern come down on us, got it?" Savayna ordered him. "And then, Grant, when you see it and have it in clear shot, take it right in the center of its fat head."

With her usual demeanor, they probably forgot that Savayna was a master tactician. Half the time, she forgot it herself, but teh fact remained was that she felt at home ordering people around. Grant and Lorenzo were no exception to this.
His forced silence was making it hard to gauge just what exactly he was trying to tell her and Lorenzo's bothersome battlecry wasn't helping, either. but with all of his obvious faults, at least him venturing all across Ozmone brought him to the entrance to Zertinan. Little did he know, Savayna and Grant were already aware of where it was located. Unlike them, Lorenzo didn't go off battling monsters, wasting that excess energy of his. However, maybe it was for the best. Better he blows off all of that steam in the open and kills all of the monsters than cause a ruckus in the caverns. in Zertinan, the wrong amount of force applied to an unstable area could be disastrous for the already shoddy-foundation that the caverns had.

Savayna glanced up to the sky, noticing how beautiful it looked with the different shades of pink and violet swirling with the darkened blue, and how the stars were starting to come through. It was just the final illumination that Ozmone would get before it surrendered to nature and darkness would take over - just like how the trio would surrender to the dark caves as only dim lighting awaited their periphery.

And so Savayna descended where Grant and Lorenzo had.

It was damp, water coated the dirty ground, and whispers from all over could be heard. This wasn't necessarily as dark as she thought it would be, though. last time she was here, it was with Jaakuna - or following him. She wasn't necessarily sure what the circumstances were. She did remember it was darker then. Maybe because of Lorenzo's lightning, it wasn't nearly as dark. "So, where can we find this thing that Sonosis Magicite comes from?" Savayna asked Lorenzo.
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