Doc Doctor

Arena Chat Thread

@Buddha

All righty, well thanks for being reasonable and asking us as well.

Arena Chat Thread

@Buddha

If you think arena fighting is about who can imagine the wonkiest attacks, then I surely hope you're joking.

Arena Chat Thread

@Dynamo Frokane

I think the punkass who made that suggestion had best tighten their belt. If I meet 'em they'll get the worst Dirty Atomic Melvin of their life.

THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL (Team Battle - Nobody Vs. Doc)

@ImportantNobody

The appendage was lopped off, still tightly gripping ombard and writhing on the ground like a lizard's tail. The stump, however, swung instantly into the nearest side of the damaged end, and as if it were magnetic or sticky, somehow maintained more than enough tension to resume hauling Ombard into the hole just like before, fast enough that Evvie wouldn't be able to reach her partner in time. Ombard might have been strong, but without footing or a solid handhold he'd have only loose dirt and leaves to grab. There was a tree next to the hole though, the one Suliss had hid behind...

The Final Hazard

@Terminal@WiseDragonGirl

Donny had been examining the freaky ass lady's breathing before having been trapped because he had come up with a theory. That thought and intent didn't matter if you were killed before you could think. He had been on the verge of seeing how well the entity would have handled a gout of cyanide.

A spectral warning darkened his mind, time grew heavy. With a mental growl he telepathically answered.

"Ah've always preffuhed action ovah tawlk. Do whatchya please, but Ah know how Ah'd like tuh go aowt."

Part of his scalp was torn loose, he was struck in the flank and back. He felt hot prickles of pain quickly spreading throughout his body. He was going to die, no doubt about it.

Donny twisted back towards the others and began drifting slowly towards them with a groan, hunching into a ball around his hands as his body gradually became a lifeless giant metal hedgehog.

Tom's Sheet

Kentucky Tom

Name: Kentucky Tom
Age: 29
Height: 5'11"
Weight: 180 pounds
Race: Human
Class: Jerkwad
Alignment: Chaotic
Eye Color: Unknown



Weapons and Equipment: Ray-Ban sunglasses, unfiltered Wildhorse cigarettes, white suit with black tie.

Physical Abilities/Skills: Physically and mentally, Kentucky Tom is remarkably average. He's no more fit than a man of his age normally is. He is, however, one seriously hardass dickweed who used to be a fast talkin' auctioneer. He has only one special ability, but it is virtually impossible to kill or incapacitate with it. His power is known as "Really Buggersome Affectations". He can inflict nasty effects upon enemies by speaking the magic words of a curse and then pointing and firing a softball sized orb of arcane energy. The speed of the shot depends of the nastiness of the curse. Such curses as "Horndoggums Humprumpus" travel at half the speed of a small thrown object, whilst curses like "Pinkwimpor Buttflamingonum" move as fast as bullets. Those in the middle fly as arrows. He can slow down spells as much as he wants and return then to full speed at will after firing them, as much as he likes. He can combine multiple curses into a single attack, the arcane orb increasing in size with each spell added. He can speak at 250 words per minute, about as many as a good auctioneer. He cannot use the same curse twice in a row. The only way to break these curses is to kill him. The known curses he uses are...

*"Impreggio Bitchpleasum"- Impregnates whomever he is pointing at, forcing a baby to be conceived within them. This works on men and inanimate objects. Each subsequent hit halves the pregnancy time, starting at one week pregnant. The baby is ready by week forty. (Mid-Speed)

*"Baldickus Bodilicious"- Instantly removes all the hair on your body. (Fast-Speed)

*"Gayroticus Weinerfestum"- Turns the victim gay. (Slow-Speed)

*"Fartilliarum Skidmarkius"- Gives you the messy farts. (Med)

*"Pinkwimpor Buttflamingonum"- Turns your skin pink. (Fast)

*"Retardingus Shitheadellus"- Lowers an enemy's I.Q by one point. (Med)

*"Dirtlingus Shoutloudius"- Forces an opponent to yell out their deepest, dirtiest secret and then proceed to do so again every two minutes. Each time Tom hits a victim with this curse, it halves the time that they can go without shouting. (Fast)

*"Whiteytightus Fucknuttums"- Makes your underwear ultra-tight and uncomfortable. Each hit by the curse makes the ol' drawers get tighter and tighter until the waistband snaps. (Fast)

*"Beardantili Hipsterium"- Gives you a huge beard. Each hit increases the beard length by 18 inches. (Fast)

*"Nudesweeta Bareassum"- Evaporates the target's clothing into an embarrasing gooey honey mist. (Med)

*"Weaboonekus Fucknuttus"- Gives you a bunny tail and cat ears. (Fast)

*"Pisswiggums Bladdersmallis"- Makes you have to pee really bad. (Med)

*"Horndoggums Humprumpus"- Makes you insanely attracted to the next thing Kentucky Tom points at. It takes tremenous will to resist, and becomes a major distraction until the urge is "satisfied". (Slow)

*"Nipgantius Bigtittumus"- The victim's boob area will grow to five times normal size. (Slow)

*"Fatassium Bastardus"- Makes the victim obese. (Slow)

*"Lolhardickus"- Forces the victim into an awkward situation the likes of which occur most often to us in the morning. If used on a female, it will materialize the required assets upon her being. (Fast)

*"Pussysobbium Crybabius"- Makes you cry uncontrollably. (Med)

*"Racechangium Laughardiculum"- Changes the victim's race. By changing the first word to "Sexchangium" Tom can alter gender instead. (Slow)

*"Narratium Expositorium"- Forces the victim to narrate their actions as they do them in a deep, dramatic voice. They cannot complete their attack until the end of the narration. (Slow)

*"Smurftardicus Squeakerotica"- Gives you a high pitched helium voice. (Fast)

*"Butthorkus Limporkus"- The victim becomes a transgender drag queen complete with unwieldy high heels and wig. (Slow)

*"Blindorial Nerdwerdus"- Makes you near and short sighted and materializes a pair of prescription glasses onto your face. (Med)

*"Pizzamugums Pubertum"- Gives the victim a load of acne. (Fast)

*"Glasswhackius Buttmunchickus"- Makes you instantly punch the nearest person with glasses in the face nice and hard, even if it is yourself. (Med)

*"Dildus Rubberium"- Turns an enemy's weapon into a certain rubber implement. (Slow)

*"Foolookius Overthereius"- Makes you look where Tom is pointing. (Slow)

*"Itchums MacGuiness"- Makes you feel very itchy all over. (Slow)

Background: Kentucky Tom grew up in the rough part of town and was constantly harangued by bullies. Why? He had a smart mouth. Shooting off insults came naturally to Tom. He pissed off teachers, parents, drivers, senators, dogs, you name it. He never had much cash, since his job as an auctioneer didn't pay all that well. But then one day, everything changed. He met an old fakir who beseeched Tom to sell an old Porsche for enough money to bail his deviant grandson out of jail. Tom felt pity for the mystic and at the next auction, sold the vehicle for twice what it was really worth. Out of gratitude the fakir bestowed upon Kentucky Tom the power to incur hilarious status effects upon the unwary.

Theme Music:

TZDL2017 Rules/Signups/Updates

Sorry well that's for whoever said it. RPGuild has a stupid way of showing quotes and shit. Now excuse me while I go have my date with Susan Boyle. She has a face like an ape gnome but the kind of voice which could turn a blowjob into a flute solo.

@Devil

Our quote system is 100% accurate.

TTL: The Final Hazard OOC

@Terminal

I'm going to wait and see how you interpret the goings on before posting. Whatever you say happens, happens!

TZDL2017 Rules/Signups/Updates

@MelonHead

I haven't had that many fights on here. Maybe...3? And about one of them I heard Devil, Pollen, and some others I can't remember were talking smack behind my back. Which I will address here and now, since it seemed to be an issue. I was waiting for Doc Doctor to reply to me but he hasn't got back to me. Yes, in the fight between my character Sky and Doc's character Gonad there was a portion of the fight I did copy and paste something from the previous post. It was done out of frustration and one of the only times I have done so without someone deliberately asking for it, it's not something I usually do. It was a point in the fight where the fight itself was going no where, we were just reiterating ourselves over and over, and the frustration got to me. I only did it once and afterward I realized I was trying to be too complicated with my approach and things went smoother after that. Truth be told I didn't like how that fight ended.
(Quick Edit: It was also almost a year ago, I'd have to go back and reread to see what I did exactly. But it's not something I do all the time. As you'll see in the other two fights.)

Just, in the future guys, if you have a problem with me come to be about it so that I can address it in a collected and polite manner. Please.

Here are the fights:
http://www.roleplayerguild.com/topics/93417-the-memory-remains-sky-dancer-vs-gonad/ic?page=2#post-3661951
http://www.roleplayerguild.com/topics/91876-mt-r2-enki-vs-everett/ic#post-3396947
http://www.roleplayerguild.com/topics/91547-majesty-tournament-r1-ki-vs-everett/ic

I won the first one, but like previously mentioned I didn't like the victory. The second one stopped because the tournament fell apart and the third one my opponent forfeit.

@Everett

I thought I'd responded to your PM. Perhaps I wrote a response but forgot to send it.

Nobody should be smack talking out of earshot, not unless it's out of good humor or something you'd have no problem with telling to the subject's face. Everett is dandy and reasonable, so sayeth I.

And aye, our match was rather silly. I could tell you weren't having fun. There's no point in trudging through stiff matches unless it's to settle a score.

TZDL2017 Rules/Signups/Updates

The purpose if the critique and, erm, complaints, is to simply see if it can be done better than it is right now. Maybe it can, maybe it cannot - that's up to debate, isn't it?

EDIT: when people think it's necessary to bring in a host of anti-cheese owers to get themselves a fair up-close and personal fight, that's sort of eh in my book. Consider that i myself had the same idea when examining the previous iteration character sheets, and that makes at least two people who feel it's better to focus on outright negating their opponent's powers, rather than try outplay them with their own character's moveset.

Of course, part of that stems from a 'simple and functional is best' philosophy; forcing your opponent to face you in your area of expertise by cutting off everything else - but i still think the above remains relevant.

@Vordak

Don't judge us anti-cheesers. We are lactose intolerant.