He didn’t have a sense, really, of whether or not this was something he was comfortable with or not. It was warm though, so that was a plus. But the soot was already dying his white shirt gray, so that was a minus. Plenty of freebies along the way though, another plus. A gathering of weirdos in the distance, that was a min-
Wait, no, plus, plus, plus. Goddamn. One of em looked actually angelic, a pale bloom that just begged to be plucked and preserved, while another looked like the type of person you wanted to get euthanized via sex with. There were a handful of others, a curious baldie with an interesting head-shape and a deranged but charming personality and a brat that seemed to have the same idea that he had, coming into this. He favored her with a smile, which was really just the narrowing of his amber eye and a wordless opening of his lipless mouth as a slender finger ‘tapped’ against the side of the fluorescent flame that made up perhaps a quarter of his head.
She held her spear in her hand; he had salvaged three and stuck them into his head before making it halfway to join the others amongst the ruins of a pyrrhic resistance.
Of course, now that he was looking over the men who gathered (a much more dour gang of fellows), perhaps he should’ve settled for two instead. That white-haired man’s swords looked like they’d fetch something nice on the market. If there was a market. What even was a market?
“Huh. Shit.”
Pain in the ass. Habit moved his actions and thoughts, but there was only a vague sense of understanding where those habits came from. And right now, such habits turned towards…
“C’mon, you didn’t scalp yourself while shaving, didja?” He spoke instead, a lax derision slathered over his tone as he turned to the bald woman. “Ain’t no way I came from the same place as these frumpy bastards. Not from the same place as the darling princess over there either, that’s for sure.” The lanky man’s gaze turned to his surroundings once more, confirming what he already knew. Piles of burnt bodies, defenses in every direction, and yet no sign of what it was that pushed these people to the brink. They weren’t gonna survive a second attack, that was for sure. But hey.
“Now now, don’t be so harsh on the boy,” he said, shifting attentions to the statuesque witch-lady. “I’m sure every kid’s wanted to say a line like that once in their life. Nevermind that since we’re here, we’ve definitely all been ‘broken’ at least once.”
"Fuck, I don't know, 30, give or take 10 years?" "Wait, seriously? Well, shit, guess I just gotta unzip then." "Kehehe, what, do I look less human than some of the other fucks around here?"
A foul-mouthed criminal, always looking out for number one but willing to play longer cons whenever necessary. For people like him, after all, a desperate life in the wild and an isolated world of solitary individuals is the worst situation to be in. The fuck's he gonna do if there's nothing to take, after all? Rub two sticks together like a monkey and hope things work out?
⑇⑉What You Remember⑉⑈
Couldn't cut it out as an honest one after all. Teach told him that he could've been a craftsman or something. Smart head on his shoulders and quick fingers on his arms or something like that, but c'mon. That was a waste. Apprenticing for ten years to a miserable bastard that never made enough to retire, only to end up bent over like a bitch over the table while some fat cunt rails you (verbally) for not making the quota on whatever dingle-doodle he was supposed to sell at a 500% markup? His smart head told him that there were better things he could do with his hands, so why not go for what would leave a proper mark?
There was that one guy, after all, who had the right idea.
Steal from the rich, share with the poor, and whammo, you'd be the most popular guy on the block! Do that on a larger scale, start challenging shitty lords and worse kings, and kaplow, you're basically a hero of the commonfolk! Free beer on the tap, songs written in your name, and a crowd of ladies wanting to ride you for free! It was just that easy. You'd have to be an idiot not to do it.
⑴ Half his head is missing, and in its place, there is a heatless flame, a bright energy that roars like a bonfire, yet without sound or warmth. A pale, fluorescent brilliance, one that serves as an opening to another space. He can place things in there and pull things out of there. He's tested it. Apparently, he could fit a rucksack's worth of stuff in there. Which could be a lotta money. Or it could be a very heavy rock.
⑵ His hands are quick, the sort of gift for sleight that would make any kleptomaniac jealous. Rings off fingers, cloaks around shoulders, swords off belts, food out of mouths. With such a winning smile (his fleshless mouth is set to a perpetual grimace) and a handsome face (half of which is straight-up on fire), many fall for his charms and go away without even noticing just how much he had lifted off of them in passing.
⑇⑉What You Don’t ⑉⑈
What the fuck was this???
Who the hell were these four? Where were his guards? Christ, why are they in his house to begin with? What the fuck did he even d-
Oh, ok, fucking pack of rabid vigilantes barking up the wrong tree? Ugh, that's why adventurers always get such shit rep. Didn't they realize how much shit the nation would be in if they offed him here? What, were they going to fund the orphanages and the hospitals? Give work to all the vagrants that 'proper' merchants wouldn't even spit in the direction of? Fine, fuck it! If they wanted a fight, then he'd sh-
Oh god where did his hand go? Shit shit shit, is that a Meteor falling from outside his window? Gods above, what even is a "VNiodfnds WIoneifndosnd"?
This...this was bullshit!
...
And by the time the sun rose over the smouldering ruins of a once-glorious estate, the people were free from the dark and terrible reign of ██████████ the Gourmand.
"Fuck, I don't know, 30, give or take 10 years?" "Wait, seriously? Well, shit, guess I just gotta unzip then." "Kehehe, what, do I look less human than some of the other fucks around here?"
A foul-mouthed criminal, always looking out for number one but willing to play longer cons whenever necessary. For people like him, after all, a desperate life in the wild and an isolated world of solitary individuals is the worst situation to be in. The fuck's he gonna do if there's nothing to take, after all? Rub two sticks together like a monkey and hope things work out?
⑇⑉What You Remember⑉⑈
Couldn't cut it out as an honest one after all. Teach told him that he could've been a craftsman or something. Smart head on his shoulders and quick fingers on his arms or something like that, but c'mon. That was a waste. Apprenticing for ten years to a miserable bastard that never made enough to retire, only to end up bent over like a bitch over the table while some fat cunt rails you (verbally) for not making the quota on whatever dingle-doodle he was supposed to sell at a 500% markup? His smart head told him that there were better things he could do with his hands, so why not go for what would leave a proper mark?
There was that one guy, after all, who had the right idea.
Steal from the rich, share with the poor, and whammo, you'd be the most popular guy on the block! Do that on a larger scale, start challenging shitty lords and worse kings, and kaplow, you're basically a hero of the commonfolk! Free beer on the tap, songs written in your name, and a crowd of ladies wanting to ride you for free! It was just that easy. You'd have to be an idiot not to do it.
⑴ Half his head is missing, and in its place, there is a heatless flame, a bright energy that roars like a bonfire, yet without sound or warmth. A pale, fluorescent brilliance, one that serves as an opening to another space. He can place things in there and pull things out of there. He's tested it. Apparently, he could fit a rucksack's worth of stuff in there. Which could be a lotta money. Or it could be a very heavy rock.
⑵ His hands are quick, the sort of gift for sleight that would make any kleptomaniac jealous. Rings off fingers, cloaks around shoulders, swords off belts, food out of mouths. With such a winning smile (his fleshless mouth is set to a perpetual grimace) and a handsome face (half of which is straight-up on fire), many fall for his charms and go away without even noticing just how much he had lifted off of them in passing.
⑇⑉What You Don’t ⑉⑈
What the fuck was this???
Who the hell were these four? Where were his guards? Christ, why are they in his house to begin with? What the fuck did he even d-
Oh, ok, fucking pack of rabid vigilantes barking up the wrong tree? Ugh, that's why adventurers always get such shit rep. Didn't they realize how much shit the nation would be in if they offed him here? What, were they going to fund the orphanages and the hospitals? Give work to all the vagrants that 'proper' merchants wouldn't even spit in the direction of? Fine, fuck it! If they wanted a fight, then he'd sh-
Oh god where did his hand go? Shit shit shit, is that a Meteor falling from outside his window? Gods above, what even is a "VNiodfnds WIoneifndosnd"?
This...this was bullshit!
...
And by the time the sun rose over the smoulder ruins of a once-glorious estate, the people were free from the dark and terrible reign of ██████████ the Gourmand.
MacKinnon didn’t care all too much about who got there first or second or third in the end. If the lady was gonna share rabbits, and if the big man was going to cook them up, then she would happily partake in the meal, as someone who had subsisted off basically just water and desert weeds for the last leg of her journey to this little, abandoned hamlet.
Well, also kinda meant that she didn’t necessarily have anything to bring in terms of food to add to the soup. Her eyes briefly glanced over to the chicken, wondering just how long it’d take before it started pooping out eggs. And then there was the subject of rice as well. They’d probably all be dead if they were just waiting for rice to grow, but that too was something nice to think about in the future.
Maybe she should try some treasure hunting in the forest tomorrow. Surely it was an easy enough task, to come across mushrooms and berries and freshly-dead-but-not-half-eaten animals? Maybe…
“Mm, lemme know when you’re heading out tomorrow then, lady! Plan on heading out to the forest tomorrow and seeing what treasures I can find there, and if there’s something big out there…well, I’ll give you a shout and we can split the find.”
MacKinnon plotted out her future as she continued to clean up her finds for the day. With the dust and dirt of ages revealed, the painted vase looked pretty nice, even! And the silverware definitely glistened in a way that was almost mirror-like! It’d take a lot longer for her to beat the dust and wring the water out of the carpets, but even now, they possessed a pleasing geometric pattern! She whistled a cheery tone, lost for a moment in current finds and future discoveries, only to spot movement in the distance again.
Huh.
She had kinda expected Victor to stick around with his grandkiddo, least until she was feeling better. Or maybe Sheryl’d have played anxiety-mom like she did when she first saw MacKinnon. But, ugh…………
The treasure hunter cleaned up her last batch of goods, briefly considered tossing the blacksmithing tools into the well, and then shelved that thought before she sauntered over to the wagon where Wilma was. Peeking her own head over the wagon, MacKinnon’s eyes creased into a grin when she spied the child.
“Heya, kiddo,” MacKinnon said. “That was pretty scary, wasn’t it? I think you were pretty brave though, y’know? A real tough girl, honestly.” Her chin propped up onto the side next. “Cause when I was your age, stuff like that’d have made me pee myself!”
She tilted her head to the side, a gesture of doubt.
“You didn’t pee yourself, did you? They’re making food soon, so…”