Hillan

Absolute Comics - Season Two: The Monster Within

Just have to finish my sample.

C H A R A C T E R C O N C E P T P R O P O S A L

G H O S T R I D E R

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^{_{Johnathon "Johnny" Blaze ♦ Stuntman ♦ L.A / Hell ♦ Bounty Hunter Of Satan}}

C H A R A C T E R C O N C E P T:

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^{"Let's raise some Hell."}

People coming back from the dead is sort of my favorite trope of all time. I love the idea of death never being the end, and I think few characters and embody that as well as Ghost Rider can. A Spirit Of Vengence, born from hell to serve good. It's hitting all of the notes of things I really like, being a avid fan of most takes on Judeo Christian mythology. In this game I've got a yearning for Magic, and while there are more characters on the table to scratch that itch, few of them are so close to my wheelhouse as Ghost Rider. Where I can combine my love for street level ultra-violence with high concept battles of good and evil and supernatural horror. In short - my take on Ghost Rider is gonna be combining street thugs, criminal gangs and the immortal battle of heaven and hell - and a stuntman caught in all of it.

C H A R A C T E R M O T I V A T I O N S & G O A L S:

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Johnny Blaze is a pretty ordinary 20-something guy. He's a stuntman. A daredevil and a body double for big actors in Hollywood movies. Or rather, that's who he was. As the my story will be about changing that. How a satanic cult murders him and sells their souls to the Devil in exchange for power and riches. With his dying breath, Johnny makes a pact himself, to get revenge. The Demon Mephisto's more than willing to assist, and locks the fate of Johnny with the everlasting abyssal demon Zarathos, turning him into the spirit of Vengeance - the Ghost Rider. And his one goal is to get revenge on the recently demonically endowed people who were responsible for his death, while still being used as a pawn in the bigger schemes of both heaven and hell. His job is to collect the debts the infernal realm is owed while trying to uncover the truth behind his powers and Mephisto who granted him a new chance at life.

C H A R A C T E R N O T E S:

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Allies:

Zarathos - Demon and Lackey of Mephisto, much to his chagrin. Co-Pilot of The Ghost Rider. One of the baddest motherfuckers Hell ever spawned.

Craig "Crash" Simpson - Father to Roxanne and at the time of Johnny's death, the closest thing to a fatherfigure Mr.Blaze ever knew. Now, he's in a hospital bed in a coma following a stroke.

Roxanne Simpson - Seven Years ago, Roxanne was his Girlfriend.

Enemies:

The Six - The former group of criminals who were responsible for Johnny and Roxanne's assault. They made a deal with Mephisto for their souls in exchange for power, and are now, 3 years before their deals are supposed to come due, working on a way to break their contract with the would-be-Devil and escape life with their souls intact.

Mephisto - One of the many rulers of the underworld. Like, the firey one. Not the criminal one. A trickster, a manipulator and overall one of the most evil creatures in all of creation.

Zadkiel And The Black Host - The Nick Fury / Amanda Waller of Heaven, except far more evil. Every bad thing the angels ever did in mythology? Yeah, Zadkiel was the one who was tasked with all of it. Planning on overthrowing Heaven and becoming the new God. So, his aspirations are pretty low.

Father Carmichael - A Protestant Priest who is highly critical of this Ghost Rider and his inherent demonic connection and is in direct contact with Heaven, spreading propaganda fed to him from the Angels. The guy is sadly technically innocent, so Johnny cannot do anything to him.

Machine Gun Nurses - a group of highly trained assassins and Demon Hunters posing as Nurses, armed with heavenly steel and bullets forged with angelic technique, making them one of the few human forces in the world that are a threat to Ghost Rider.

S A M P L E P O S T:

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A sample post that can be used in the IC if you so desire upon acceptance. This post should provide an example of your vision for the desired character. This sample post should meet all standards outline in the rules and additionally include dialogue, mannerisms and other actions representative of your intended portrayal.

P O S T C A T A L O G:

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Issue 1.00 When Hell Is Full
Issue 1.01 What The Devil Is Due
Issue 1.02 Man Comes Around
Issue 1.03 Ring Of Fire
Issue 1.04 When You Wish Upon A Ghost Rider
Issue 1.05 Vengeance
Issue 1.06 My Name Is Johnny, And It Might Be A Sin

Absolute Comics - Season Two: The Monster Within

C H A R A C T E R C O N C E P T P R O P O S A L

C I T I Z E N S T E E L

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^{_{N A T H A N I E L H E N R Y H E Y W O O D ♦ G O V E R N M E N T A G E N T ♦ W A S H I N G T O N D . C . ♦ A . R . G . U . S .}}

C H A R A C T E R C O N C E P T:

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^{"Get behind me."
"Where's your shield?"
"I am the shield."
C I T I Z E N S T E E L}

@Lord Wraith

... Accepted?

Absolute Comics - Season Two: The Monster Within

@Techne If you seriously want some constructive criticism, there are a few things I noticed on the grammatical side of things. Though, really, my advice will always boil down to "proofread your writing out loud to yourself at least once, then again each time you edit a portion." Most little, simple errors that could take someone out of the narrative can be caught that way.

_{I'm not a grammar Nazi, I swear...}

@Retired

You prefer Grammar Nationalist.

Hillan's Parade Of Characters

C H A R A C T E R C O N C E P T P R O P O S A L

G H O S T R I D E R

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^{_{Johnathon "Johnny" Blaze ♦ Stuntman ♦ L.A / Hell ♦ Bounty Hunter Of Satan}}

C H A R A C T E R C O N C E P T:

---

^{"Let's raise some Hell."}

People coming back from the dead is sort of my favorite trope of all time. I love the idea of death never being the end, and I think few characters and embody that as well as Ghost Rider can. A Spirit Of Vengence, born from hell to serve good. It's hitting all of the notes of things I really like, being a avid fan of most takes on Judeo Christian mythology. In this game I've got a yearning for Magic, and while there are more characters on the table to scratch that itch, few of them are so close to my wheelhouse as Ghost Rider. Where I can combine my love for street level ultra-violence with high concept battles of good and evil and supernatural horror. In short - my take on Ghost Rider is gonna be combining street thugs, criminal gangs and the immortal battle of heaven and hell - and a stuntman caught in all of it.

C H A R A C T E R M O T I V A T I O N S & G O A L S:

---

Johnny Blaze was a pretty ordinary 20-something guy. He's a stuntman. A daredevil and a body double for big actors in Hollywood movies. Or rather, that's who he was. As the my story will be about changing that. How a satanic cult murders him and sells their souls to the Devil in exchange for power and riches. With his dying breath, Johnny makes a pact himself, to get revenge. The Demon Mephisto's more than willing to assist, and locks the fate of Johnny with the everlasting abyssal demon Zarathos, turning him into the spirit of Vengeance - the Ghost Rider. And his one goal is to get revenge on the recently demonically endowed people who were responsible for his death, while still being used as a pawn in the bigger schemes of both heaven and hell. His job is to collect the debts the infernal realm is owed while trying to uncover the truth behind his powers and Mephisto who granted him a new chance at life.

C H A R A C T E R N O T E S:

---

Allies:
Zarathos - Demon and Lackey of Mephisto, much to his chagrin. Co-Pilot of The Ghost Rider. One of the baddest motherfuckers Hell ever spawned.
Craig "Crash" Simpson - Father to Roxanne and at the time of Johnny's death, the closest thing to a fatherfigure Mr.Blaze ever knew. Now, he's in a hospital bed in a coma following a stroke.
Roxanne Simpson - Seven Years ago, Roxanne was his Girlfriend.

Enemies:
The Six - The former group of criminals who were responsible for Johnny and Roxanne's assault. They made a deal with Mephisto for their souls in exchange for power, and are now, 3 years before their deals are supposed to come due, working on a way to break their contract with the would-be-Devil and escape life with their souls intact.

Mephisto - One of the many rulers of the underworld. Like, the firey one. Not the criminal one. A trickster, a manipulator and overall one of the most evil creatures in all of creation.

Zadkiel And The Black Host - The Nick Fury / Amanda Waller of Heaven, except far more evil. Every bad thing the angels ever did in mythology? Yeah, Zadkiel was the one who was tasked with all of it. Planning on overthrowing Heaven and becoming the new God. So, his aspirations are pretty low.

Father Carmichael - A Protestant Priest who is highly critical of this Ghost Rider and his inherent demonic connection and is in direct contact with Heaven, spreading propaganda fed to him from the Angels. The guy is sadly technically innocent, so Johnny cannot do anything to him.

Machine Gun Nurses - a group of highly trained assassins and Demon Hunters posing as Nurses, armed with heavenly steel and bullets forged with angelic technique, making them one of the few human forces in the world that are a threat to Ghost Rider.

S A M P L E P O S T:

---

A sample post that can be used in the IC if you so desire upon acceptance. This post should provide an example of your vision for the desired character. This sample post should meet all standards outline in the rules and additionally include dialogue, mannerisms and other actions representative of your intended portrayal.

P O S T C A T A L O G:

---

Volume 1:

Issue 1.00 When Hell Is Full
Issue 1.01 What The Devil Is Due
Issue 1.02 Man Comes Around
Issue 1.03 Ring Of Fire
Issue 1.04 When You Wish Upon A Ghost Rider
Issue 1.05 Vengeance
Issue 1.06 My Name Is Johnny, And It Might Be A Sin

Absolute Comics - Season Two: The Monster Within

>tfw I wake up to Gowi, Maxx, Dblade, and Star Lord leaving the game

@Simple Unicycle

You slept in late.

Absolute Comics - Season Two: The Monster Within

_{Location: Central City}

Post #1.10: Born to Run

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_{Interaction(s): None}

Previously: Nora

Four weeks since Flash fought the four Rogues.

Left, right, left, right, left right.

One foot in front of the other, each step faster than the last. His young legs were strong, his small frame was impressively fast, darting down the alleys, through a clothes line, down into the sidestreet, turning a corner he kept running, voices behind him. His breath was running shorter. The adult voices behind him were shouting, chasing him.

“Stop the brat!”

The lost sight of him when he turned the corner, him darting further down the street before they could follow and turning a second corner made them lose his scent properly.

“Where the hell did he go?”

And finally

“Shit, I think we lost him.”

The ginger haired boy was pressed against the fence, breathing as quietly as he could when the adult, tattooed, 250 pound man walked by. His heart was pounding, his hands felt numb, but he wasn’t scared. Perhaps due to the adrenaline or the runners high. After another few seconds of looking, the adult man decided that the kid had gotten away, like his partner suggested and turned back into the alley where they had run out of. The boy caught his breath, adjusting his red and silver cap, turning it backwards, his bangs poking through the front of the cap

“That was freaking close.” He admitted, hunching over slightly, hands on his knees to try and catch his breath. His red and white converse had come undone slightly, so he kneeled down to tie them, and as he did, the baseball bat came swinging through the fence, aiming for where his head had been moments ago.

“Shit.” the boy exclaimed, rolling on the dirt, facing the way of the bat, seeing the tattooed man and the bat in his hand.

“Think we’re fucking stupid, kid?!”

“I think you just might be. Considering you’re trying to be bad guys when you know this neighbourhood is protected by me.” He said, putting his hands to his face, his lips forming a cocky grin.

“Butch, look at this idiot. Who do you think you are, kid? Fuckin’ Batman?” The one goon told the second, Butch laughed.

“No, I’m not Batman. I’m someone far better.” He said, holding up the canvas bag he had jacked from the thugs.
“You want this bag, dirtbags? Come and get it.” He swung his fist towards them, but his entire weight was behind the momentum, feigning them and using it to turn himself around, holding onto the bag and running the other direction.

The two men returned to chasing him, running across the street, the teenager slid across the hood of a car that stopped when the driver saw him running. He ran into the alley, this one was a dead end, he got here before the goons, but they knew he ran into here, his only option was to hide - dump the bag and hide. He tossed the bag into the trash and hid behind the slight corner of the apartment on his left side, he found an iron pipe and grasped it in his gloved hand, his fingertips poking through the ‘tactical gloves’ he had bought on Ebay for 10 bucks.

He held the pipe close to his chest, like a sword, till he saw the shadow of the man with the bat, turning the corner, the kid swung the bat, striking the man in the nose, knocking him to the floor, surprising the other man.

“Boom bitch!” The kid shouted in excitement.

“WOO! What a swing!” He continued, the other thug grimaced and put up his hands.

“Let’s see how much of a smartass you are when I’m done wringing your neck!” The ginger kid knew that the two middle aged, somewhat overweight chain smokers were far more tired than he was, he had a chance despite the fact that they were each twice his weight. He swung the pipe, Butch caught it in his hand, he tried to jank the pipe out of Butch’s hand but that proved unfruitful. Butch chuckled and but his amusement was short lived as he got a swift kick to the nuts for his troubles. He groaned and the pipe was swung in his face, swatting him to the ground.

The first thug was now crawling to his feet, broken nose and asthma attack in full force.

“Dude. Just, stay down. You’re gonna get a heart attack at this rate.”

“Shut the fuck up!” He shouted and charged, his swing with the bat was a little too high, as the kid ducked out of the way and the bat collided with the brick wall, the vibrations through the aluminum hurt his hand as it left him wide open to be struck in the chest and then the face again with the pipe.

The teenager panted as both of the thugs were on the ground, he threw the pipe to the ground, hitting the ground with a metallic ‘clink’.

He grabbed the bag and got on his way, slinging it across his shoulder, when he felt one of the thugs grab his ankle with his tired hand.

“Who the hell are you?” His voice was weak, too dizzy from the concussion.

Wally turned the cap back, revealing the Flash Pin that was pinned to the front.

“I’m The Flash.” He said, delivering a swift kick to the thug’s head, knocking him out again.

Wally would run home, to his apartment in Downtown, the worst neighbourhood in the city, not too many blocks from where a certain someone lives.

He opened the door as quietly as he could, shutting it with equal care. His dad was sick, he had been sick for some months. Weak, even the slightest sound would often disturb him. But, something wasn’t the same today. There was a different energy in the house. A metallic smell stung the air, he saw a boot print in the hallway. His dad could barely walk, nonetheless wear boots.

He walked into his father's bedroom and was horrified to find the old man, Joseph West, former Police Detective of the CCPD, bleeding out on the floor, a seizure. His arm was broken, his face was beaten almost beyond recognition, on his chest a note was stapled.
Wallace fell to his father’s side, holding the old man, shouting for help. Trying to call his name, but Joe was unreachable, unconscious. Barely had any pulse. He scrambled for his cellphone, dialing 911. As he did, he noticed the note and what it read.

We know who you are Kid Flash

Absolute Comics - Season Two: The Monster Within

@Hillan, as promised.

-A few minor grammatical errors, mostly around the use of apostrophes, and the sentences can feel a little awkward and stilted at times. Watch your repetition and your syntax; break up your dialogue with a new line for each speaker. The storytelling is sound but there is an occasional stumble that pulls the reader out of it. Of course, this may very well be due to english not being your native language.

-Eobard’s characterization is exceptional. I especially enjoy how well you portray a man who knows the future yet plays along with the story. It’s an interesting meta-narrative of sorts, and it’s entertaining. It isn’t often the audience shares their dramatic irony with the characters in the story.

-Post 4/5, ‘Blur’, look up Vantablack. Thank me later. The villain is interesting. I don’t have much knowledge about Flash’s rogues beyond the obvious and what the show utilized, so it’s fun having you present someone/something I have zero preconceptions about as your first antagonist.

-While I enjoy the use of the wider rogues and their ability to surprise Thawne - Thawne’s hubris, by the way, is riveting to read and thoroughly enjoyable - the pacing feels too fast, even for a Flash story. We go from Thawne defeating his first rogue, which was an anomaly in itself that’s never really addressed, to being accosted by arguably Flash’s 4 biggest rogues in one night and offing one of them in the process. It feels off putting somewhat.

-Thawne’s motivation pivot from ‘I’m better than Barry’ to ‘I love Nora’ is the start of a beautiful redemption story and maybe the first time we can feel sympathy for this man who is otherwise violent, arrogant, sociopathic, and fuelled by hatred. It’s a lovely turning point in Thawne’s development, and it’s such a shame that there were zero hints or nods or vague foreshadowing or brief exploration of the depth of Thawne’s character before this entrapment. It’s clear there’s an internal battle between the man who survived on hatred and the man who wanted to love, and I really, really want to see more of it.

-All in all it’s an entertaining story that sometimes can be difficult to read with a few out-of-the-blue character turns. Fun, but missing finesse. Feels like perhaps you’re flying by the seat of your pants a tad? If you haven’t already, try a skeleton for your plot direction and use that as a reference tool.

@Roman

Thanks buddy. I do agree with all of the critique. Some of the pieces aren't putting themselves together properly. Though, I changed from Thawne seemingly struggling with handling Shade, to him dealing with the brunt of the Rogues with great ease on purpose. He knows the Rogue's playbooks inside and out. He's fought them, he's used them, he's lead them and he's killed them all time and time before. But, I guess I've not been quite able to hit the mark in that regard.

I do know about Vantablack. Good times, really cool stuff. I was gonna go into a deeper explanation about Shade's powers from Cisco and Doctor Wells, but I felt that was coming off far too CW-y for my taste. The entire point of Thawne being Flash is that he does not need 'quarterbacking'. He's already (Or at least thinks) he's smarter than everyone else. Which, of course, is gonna end up biting him in his ass. Though, there'll be more opportunity for explanation of Shade's powers in the future.

As for foreshadowing his relationship with Nora, I've thrown in some lines in earlier posts that hints at it, but they're pretty vague and might not make a lot of direct sense.

I think the pacing issues are largely due to the fact that the majority of my posts are written at 4 AM when I have class at 8.
Thanks for the feedback buddy, always appreciated.

ANNOUNCEMENT: New Staff and Discord changes

Hey wait, I know some of those people.

Gratz on the new jobs, friends!

Absolute Comics - Season Two: The Monster Within

Sooo let's talk Raven's death scene. I'm planning to have her killed, then her father takes possession of her soul and puts it in a new body and that'll be the dark Raven. She won't stay that way, so don't worry.

@Xandrya

"Didn't you die?"
"Yeah. But I got better."

A Hero's Legacy

Battle of Narvik, 9th April 1940.

"The Germans are coming! The Kraut bastards are invading!" The middle aged, balding man dressed in a field coat, a rifle slung over his shoulder shouted as the bell rang in the small village off of the coast of Narvik, a port town in Norway. The only un-iced port in all of Scandinavia that lead directly into the northern Atlantic. It was the only way for the iron deposits from Kiruna, in northern Sweden to move their iron into the rest of the world. It was possibly the singular most important position in all of Europe at this stage in the war.

And the Allies and Axis both knew it. The German destroyers and the British Cruisers were all lined up on the sea to fight it out, while the German forces invaded via land. Karl-Sven was of Swedish and Norwegian descent, his mother a Swede and his father a Norwegian, which explained his presence in the city. His father was a captain in the 6th Division of the Norwegian Army, the only one that was battle ready for this suprise attack from the german forces.

The German cargo ships breached the beaches and the tanks rolled out. Karl was only 16 years old at the time, but he would never forget the horror and helplessness he felt on that day when the German troops attacked his village, razing it to the ground before they headed to Narvik where his Father and his battalion held guard.

Aegnir, coast of Norway. April 24th 1965.

Njordgir crawled out of bed in the morning, his hut was the largest hut on the entire island, located a few kilometeres away from the other four settlements. It was his duty to protect them all and keep the peace, therefor, he could not belong to any one village, that had been the burden of the champion of Njord, Chosen by the mighty Baldur and accepted by the all-father Thor himself. Thousands of years of warriors had walked in his shoes, slept in his bed and fought wit his weapons, yet, Njordgir was the first of his kind.

He was the first outside to ever recieve the gifts bestowed to him by the island of Aegnir. The deities had touched the world through him, in a way they had never done with their native sons and daughters - a fact that some, such as Afsiv, the man whom was the same as as Njordgir - the man who for the first 19 years of his life, had been groomed to be champion, but was proven second-rate compared to Njordgir, or, as he was called at the time - Karl-Sven.

The middle aged warrior would get dressed, a pelt draped over his shoulders and a loincloth around his crotch, a pair of Birkenstock clogs - probably the only part of his human heritage he still cared for. While it had been over 40 years since he had been born, since he had undergone the trials and become a champion of the Norse Gods, Njordgir hadn't aged. Sure, he had gotten more rugged from the boyish 21 year old he had once been. His face had hardened, his body had new scars. But he hadn't aged. Not visibly yet, anyway. In another 40 years, perhaps he would have some gray hairs, not that anyone whom had walked in his shoes prior had gotten the chance to live that long. No champion of the Gods had ever gotten to die in their bed, that's what Njordgir's masters had taught him. He only had one way out.

And he was in no hurry to get there.

The alarm horn rang, and Njordgir let out a sigh. "Again? Second time this week, Bröthers!" He moaned, turning right back around, kicking off his clogs and changing into the battle armor he normally wore, a leather chest piece coated in a fur covering the shoulders, on the right shoulder a metal shoulderpad sat. Hide and fur leggings and matching shoes adorned with metal. It certainly wasn't fancy, it wasn't even regal. But it damn sure looked heroic.

He didn't wear his helmet today, he knew he wouldn't have to. He knew why the alarm rang today. He grabbed his shield the adorned, traditional yet ornate viking shield, Vågblad and the sword, Mörkbrytare. Both of which were infused with the finest magic the gods had ever blessed mortals with, giving Njordgir control over the very oceans. He ran out of his hut, towards the edge of the island, the horizon. Seemingly unburdened by the armor he wore.

He approached the beach and he saw the head of the reptile out in the water, attacking the poor fishermen of his village. A sea Serpent.

A sea Serpent that would soon regret ever trying to eat those fishermen.