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How?
I have no way to say what will work for you. It's something you have to work through inside.
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How?
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Do I? Sometimes I don’t know. It’s like life teases me. “Oh, if you’d have just sucked it up and been there like you should have, you could’ve saved them!” I just... I hate it all. More than anything else.
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I do hate it. And I hate power, especially mine. I’d feel better about it if I didn’t have it, but because I do, it’s just another layer to my guilt... Like, I could have been there and actually made a difference whenever someone I cared about was hurt. I could have atopped it from happening. But I hate that those situations happen to begin with.
*Leans against the wall and slumps down, so that I’m sitting against it*
It’s part of my mental conundrum.
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*Looks down and away again, rubbing my arm*
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But what if I could have done something, if I wasn’t such a coward?
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No. I hate the thought of going away and coming back to learn that something happened years ago, and I wasn’t there.
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... What?
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*Sighs*
It’s hard to be optimistic. It goes against personal history. But I don’t have a choice, because I don’t know what I’d do if I had to go through that again. Sometimes I even catch myself preemptively convincing myself of the worst.
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That’s old news. Any updates? A lot can happen in that much time. Especially when their fates are all in the hands of someone who’d just as easily get on with them out of the way, and has proven himself to have the capacity to do that to... Countless people.
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Hear what?