@NoxxOk, so here's my review of what you have so far. Even though it's pretty much a more elaborate version of what
@Lonewolf685 mentioned already:
At first it was a long scimitar forged of fine metals that held the force of a hundred tidal waves within each blow; now it has broken into shards and embedded itself into her teeth, fingernails and toenails make them neigh unbreakable that were designed specifically to rip flesh from bone even through armor. Her nails on both ends are hooked and can not be removed cleanly, when retracting her hand chunks of flesh tend to come with it.
I'll consider this purple prose, so it has no real impact in the character's overall evaluation. However, I'll take the chance to make it specific for everyone reading, that it's not to be taken literally just as a precaution to avoid past cases of misunderstanding from happening in this RP as well.
The sunken world (Passive): Wherever she steps the world under her feet changes into a portal to a decrypted ancient place that mirrors the above the world completely sunken underwater and nearly devoid of life. Unless Evelune is grabbing ahold of someone she is the only person who can enter that portal, this allows her to turn any surface into a swimmable one, the area she is directly under will also change into a portal that moves with her as she swims through the sunken version of the real world, though her speed in the water is nearly four times as fast as when she's on land. Additionally it should be noted that the portal that leads to the Sunken World can be expanded to a massive twenty foot radius around her body.
Sincerely, this isn't totally bad. However, the viability of this ability hinges on two questions:
- How fast can she use this power? Meaning whether or not she can use it as a reaction to avoid any manner of damage altogether or not?
- And whether or not someone that she tries to pull with her can resist this effect? Because a nigh inevitable death by drowning isn't really an easy thing to pass.
Lastly, I'll say no to expanding it to any area beyond herself. At most she could drag anyone or anything that she's touching (within the limits of reason, of course; you won't ever pull anything much bigger than a medium size car). Otherwise this would fall into the unavoidable trap scenarios (allowing her to bring a whole bus under, even) that would make this power too to be even considered.
Miner blood manipulation: The human body is made up of water, so Eve can control her own blood flow by manipulating the water contained within it giving her the ability to alter her blood pressure to an intense degree triggering a massive amount of adrenaline allowing her to enhance her own strength and speed via increased oxygen and nutrient transferral
Grammar aside, this doesn't make any sense. Blood Pressure and adrenaline might be linked in a certain way IRL, but it's usually, the latter triggering an effect on the first. The contrary seems pretty unlikely. Even discounting that and the fact that this doesn't seem to be an usual ability for blood manipulation, there's also the problem of broadening the scope of your character's ability a little too much compared to the others.
Test of soul / Undertoe: Eve can drag people under to the sunken world from the surface world if she has at least part of her body already submerged, only the person pulled and Eve herself can exit at this point and if the target can manage to fight their way to the surface they will be inflicted with a curse that will open a portal under their feet that which they themselves cannot enter but reveals their position to Eve for five minutes.
Not that you can't have this, but rather the question is: Why does she need to have this power which is apparently completely disconnected from her theme? Also, the question again is, how can someone resist her powers, if it has no counter it obviously isn't something that can be allowed.
This piece of Intel was told to her little sister Soma in confidence about how she went from the uplifting people with the current to dragging them down to the depths. She had been investigating a cult that gathered deep below the ground of a seemingly abandoned house a nameless air of desolation hung around the old decrepit manor and the insidious atmosphere crept up her spin the further she descended into those lofty dust caked catacombs. The walls began to change from a creaking old decaying wood to cracked stone of unknown masonry, the craftsmanship unlike anything she had encountered before in all her years of traveling the world the only discernible description she could muster was that it was very ancient. The basement was by far the most strange as it seemed the shadows themselves were alive, not unlike the nightmares she so frequently defeated, but these were different in such a way that the mere depth at the black abyss of the shadows invoked a sort of madness but still she pressed on.
Every instinct her body could summon up, pulled at her core for the girl to give up this chase and forget this day was reality and push every piece of the happenings into the darkest pit within her subconscious. The girl couldn’t stop, however much she would have loved to leave, she felt as if she had to uncover the truth, to her dismay the ladder went down even further than she would have liked to have. Once reaching the bottom the low sound of chanting could be heard coming down a perils corridor that drummed up the most frightful of instincts, fear leaked from her body and her very soul felt like it wanted to leap from the mortal flesh and drag the body to a safer refuge, but still, she pressed on.
Strangely enough the closer she got, the less recognizable the chanting became, the tenacious harrowing sound erupting from their throats was as far away from human speech as it was away from any sound made within nature. These were not syllables recognizable even to the girl who had sailed the entire earth on her magical waves this could only be described as a gross bastardization to the very definition of the world language. Stranger still the origin that created those sounds were human in shape not like the nightmares at all but the shape was all that they took from, in truth every one of them looked like an abstract rendition of the human form, grotesque and monstrous. The creature they gave their praise a direct description too horrific for Eve to properly convey, its eyes peered into her very being and assaulted her mind with malefic visions of a horrid future that twisted and turned her powers upon themselves she had discovered something that mankind was never meant to trifle with and now it was in her head.
Rethink all of this. It doesn't make any sense at all within the concept of the story as it's explained in the opening post. While there maybe other people, or even groups, that know of the existence of magic a full fledged Eldritch Abomination cult doesn't fit anywhere here. Magical Girls are corrupted by the accumulation of negative energy (the reasons for such may vary, though), not by some strange, incomprehensible power from beyond.
It would be better to avoid straining this much from the core concept of the setting.
Ariamis,
Lonewolf685,
TheWendil,
mickilennial,
Scrawl Banditta
