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5 yrs ago
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I think the issue lies in it’s not clear how long Tesni has actually known/interacted with Chinami to be saying these things, regarding paragraphs 4 and 5. As for paragraph 5, I do agree Chinami’s not said anything dialog wise to suggest that and most of those thoughts were kept to herself in internal monologue. That said, if Tesni has known Chinami for a while it’s mediated. If it’s Tesni expressing her beliefs that should be made more clearly. You two should probably hash out their exact relation to each other then go from there in correction/editing if need be.


The real issue is actually this segment from Chinami's third post. During the course of this segment, it is very firmly established that Chinami does not like Tesni and sees her as a twisted "what-if" mirror image of herself. She would have kept her at arms length the vast majority of the time, and regardless of any amount of time that Tesni may have been at Marrywell (and I've avoided brushing upon such), Chinami would never have told her the things she just spoke of with such knowledge. They are, at best, acquaintances, and Chinami has been cordial with her. But that's it. Time really has no bearing.


@McFazzer Thanks! I do apologize on my end for the fact that my posts are so long, as I know that means it can be easy to miss stuff. But I'm more than happy to point things out when they're too egregious. On the flipside, I'm more than happy to adjust any missteps in my own posts, as I do try my best to keep the information Chinami knows strictly in character. In fact, she has acted on outright incorrect knowledge/assumptions more than once.

I think it should be worth noting that -for all that she is Goth, Chinami is demonstrably about the furthest thing from a brooder (at least on the outside in public). For better or worse, she sets aside her own discomforts to be as friendly and welcoming as she can most of the time. I think if there's anything to have grievance with her over on Tesni's end it's that Camelot would seemingly be taking everything "too seriously" or something. She's not a doomer or anything, but she does tend to be rather... protective of her fellows, sometimes to a somewhat overbearing degree. She's rather inversed compared to Lumiere's "trial by fire" methods, advocating training, experimentation and general preparation before anything else.

That's all stuff an average outsider could pick up on reasonably (adjusting for any given character's personality/perspective/biases).

EDIT: Paragraphs 4 and 5 are still fairly invasive (in light of the above).
Tesni is my first real attempt at writing someone so... abrasive. Please let me know if anyone feels like I overstep when doing so. If you have any questions or feel something needs further explaining, likewise give me a poke and I'll happily do so :3


I'd say the only thing really off about this post is that Tesni has WAY more insight into Chinami's thought processes than seems reasonable. Chinami is only open about those concerns with people she trusts and/or mostly just Alters. She doesn't go around blabbing her worries to all and sundry, and Tesni is not someone she would typically hang around often if she could help it. So, it makes the third/fourth/fifth paragraphs come off, not just IC opinionated, but really weirdly laser-targeted. Just something to keep in mind.

Summarized, the only overstep here is the seeming meta-knowledge going on, because several of the things she said are things she definitely should not know. Otherwise, her general abrasiveness is no issue on my end.
@Lonewolf685 Suzuya is just a precious little button, isn't she? Olivia has certainly got competition in its own special flavor. XD

In Deleted 4 yrs ago Forum: Casual Roleplay
<Snipped quote by Lewascan2>

Weird, I don't have to scroll to see the whole thing. Nonetheless, I cropped it a bit more and then resized it by about 500 pixels so hopefully, that helps.

Also, yeah I guess I can do that, just kind of...takes a lot of the flavor and oomph out of things IMO.

Edit: Needless to say I won't be doing it today though lol. Already pumped out a lot for one day :P


Well, I don't know if you're using mobile or something, but at least on my laptop screen, I'd have to expand a tab to be nearly fullscreen to see the whole image. It's definitely sizable.

And I definitely feel you with the oomph and flavor. But the GM has definitely been pretty specific about this. I don't know if you've looked at the sample CS at the top of the OOC, but that should give you a good idea of how short he'd ideally like it to be. He'll make some allowance for things to be tad larger, but when I mentioned a single paragraph, I wasn't expecting you to make paragraphs that were technically singles but look more like two slapped together... and then to not stop at "two" in most cases.

As in, the GM has just straight up said in the face of long CS's that he's "not going to read all that". It has to be cliff notes. Putting the full version of sections in a hider is perfectly fine too, just as long as doing so wouldn't conceal some secret aspect of their abilities.
In Deleted 4 yrs ago Forum: Casual Roleplay
I've honestly got no idea how to slim that down further without losing comprehension in a lot of areas ^^;;

Glad you enjoyed it though!


I struggled with this too, but I'm telling you, this sheet is definitely too long. Really, the best I can give you is that it comes down to is doing away with the "why they can do something" except for the absolutely relevant and instead just list "what they do". All the GM wants are the cliff-notes really. Anything more (actual detailed lore and such) can go in hiders. Also, I'd definitely find some way to make the size of the images a bit smaller. That's just way too huge, the biggest one so far, and we really shouldn't need to scroll just to see the whole image.
In Deleted 4 yrs ago Forum: Casual Roleplay
írha & huré
~Unified we stand against the forces of Chaos. Never faltering, never waning, moving always towards our goal~
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That... is going to need some slimming down for sure (or some hiders for "detailed versions" of sections). Damn epic though. The gradient color thing is just satisfying to read, not gonna lie.
In Deleted 4 yrs ago Forum: Casual Roleplay
Hmm... Well, it's hard for me to say until things actually kick off, but Jen's nerfed state at least probably won't qualify? Later down the line maybe, but that's where the "reaching heaven" bit gets to come in.
In Deleted 4 yrs ago Forum: Casual Roleplay
I'm liking the possibility of this ending up being an all female character party lol

The Godly Gals?


"Reach Heaven Through Estrogen"
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