“I hate the military.”
Turning to the Phantom, Thebes raised an eyebrow, staring at the carapace-covered man through his helmet.
“I'm just tired of it, I dunno. I feel like we don't need them when it comes to the whole fighting part.”
“We’re detectives, though.”
Raising an eyebrow, the Phantom stared at Thebes. Neither of them had moved an inch from their seats for about a whole hour. The small office was kept somewhat cool with the old ceiling air conditioner and partially dusty fan. It was much better than going outside to get a fistful of humidity against their faces, but they knew that they had nothing to do at the moment.
So rather than mull about it, they tried to appreciate it. Most of time, they simply started realizing the logical holes within why they were working together in the first place.
Putting his feet off his desk, the Phantom finally got up from his seat as he stretched. “No offense, iron man
,” the Phantom spoke, eying the battered armor Thebes wore, “but I’d call our jobs hitmen mistaken for detectives,
y’know? Seriously, I feel like we end up racking up a kill count without even trying.”
That was rather true. Thebes remembered their previous investigation at Mistral on a large drug cartel, only to get involved in one hell of a firefight. Salvaged mechs, firearms, and combat equipment from sabotaged Atlesian material- it wasn’t the usual activity criminals would get involved in, and especially at a mass scale.
“Seriously, we gotta thank Atlas for having some shitty
tech. What kind of mech doesn’t have a system where it ejects the pilot right before it’s about to blow up?”
“…None at all?”
“Exactly, Atlas is stupid for using mechs.”
Thebes pointed out, “Ah, but we got a mech too.”
The Phantom turned to Thebes as if he was insane. “Mech?” He chuckled before laughing out loud. “Thebes, that shit ain’t ours. I handed it over to the gov’ several days ago.”
“Well, what was it?”
“A sex bot!”
Lowering his newspaper, Thebes muttered, “I don’t think a sex bot is armed with a rotary cannon.”
“Yeah, it’s not like that ‘cannon’ is on its crotch. Spinning metal dicks, baby!” The Phantom roared, almost tripping over an erotica magazine on the floor. “Harder than any man could be! Can please a woman at the speed of light- boom, just like that.”
Snapping his fingers, the Phantom wiggled his eyebrows as he turned to Thebes, who simply raised his newspaper back up. “But hey, women aren’t the only ones who have-“
“I don’t want to hear about your fetishes, Phantom.”
“Hey, I hired you, you might as well hear me out.”
Rolling his eyes, Thebes muttered, “I didn’t get hired to watch you get horny over this gross shit.”
Shrugging, the Phantom headed back to his desk, pulling out a cart carrying a whiteboard. “Anyway, Thebes,” the Phantom said with a grin, his carapace shells pushing against each other. “Did you know that we’ve invested in everything but this dump of an office?”
The Phantom’s statement made Thebes blink thoughtfully. “Now that you mention it, you’re actually right about that,” he mumbled, lowering the newspaper once more.
Drawing a very sloppy bar graph, the Phantom smacked the board with a red marker as he blurted out, “As you can see, we spent most of our funds on GUNSSSSS! Aaaaaand the rest of it’s on keeping this office ours.”
“Exactly. But we haven’t actually renovated this trash. Even Jesus would tell us ‘In the name of our father in heaven, fuck off and buy’ if he saw this shit, so I say the next time we grab cash, we spend it all on our office! Imagine if we got some Atlas shit. Like massage chairs. That might actually make me shut up for a bit.”
“That’s a tasteful thought. Though, I thought you just said Atlas was terrible?”
“Well, fuck if I know, it doesn’t have to be Atlas- as long as it makes this crap prettier.”
At that moment, the clock hung on the wall tore off a chunk of the wall. The Phantom and Thebes stared at the newly formed crack with wide eyes.S-Shit, we just bought it, too,
they thought, referring to the clock and somehow forgetting about the office itself.
As Thebes got up to pick up the clock, the office’s phone rang. Sighing, the Phantom picked up the phone. “Yes, this is the PDA, and we’re not accepting check. How may we help you?”
Remaining still, the Phantom glanced to the side as he listened. His focus on the call grew steadily as he waited for the person on the other side of the phone to finish.
His idle expression steadily grew into a wide smile as the shells on his face almost scraped against each other.
“Hoh?” He said, glancing at Thebes, who seemed curious about the Phantom’s delighted tone. “Well, if it’s related to Ozpin
of all people, surely we can’t ignore your offer.
“You see, we’ve dealt with some crazy troublemakers before. And I can assure you that a few hidden troublemakers shouldn’t be too much of a problem. That is, if we’re sure we have a deal.”