ProPro — Roleplayer Guild

Two Against One, The Tasty Finale!: The Cereal Killer vs. The Book Keeper and The Itinerant Exorcist

Round 3

Erina kept watch outside the colosseum, right where Motley Crue had left her. As the vampire ascended up the wall, she kicked a loose stone out of boredom and frustration. It felt like most of her life was spent just waiting on other people, or otherwise being pushed aside. Her “gift” left her feeling quite lonely, despite having the endless deceased around. Frankly that was most of the problem. 

Bang! went the pincer sound of that College agent that facilitated the fights. ”Well, now we just wait for Motley to tear that guy apart I guess. Maybe this Bartholomew guy will be entertaining? Shouldn’t take too long.”

“I would not be certain of such matters, Erina,” her ghostly companion, Bend, responded. “Motley would not have requested your decisive action if he did not anticipate the potential for trouble. Besides, the people that have been gathered for this competition… They are of another sort entirely.”

Before Erina could reply, something had caught her eye. Something was falling from the sky in great amounts! Tilting her gaze upward, she had seen something truly amazing: Motley’s opponent was flying, projecting little pellets of something as a propellant. ”... I guess you’re right, Bend.” The man’s motion was jerky, so he clearly wasn’t used to flying like this, but his speed was still intense. The kitsune spotted Motley following behind, but at a much lazier pace. It was clear that her new vampiric master couldn’t keep up with his quarry.

”I guess this qualifies. Time to see if I can keep up!” Erina took off at a run, chasing them down. Every few seconds she’d glance upward to ensure she was still on track, but the pirate was leaving a nice trail to follow. Then she saw him tumble out of the sky, with Motley closing in. Maybe he wasn’t so special after all? Well, she was already running that way, no point in giving up now. Well, considering she was running headlong into a flippin’ flood zone that might warrant giving up. Wet fur was really annoying! And they were still a good ways away, too! 

Erina kept soldiering on, climbing onto a nearby rooftop when the flooded streets got too much to run through. Rather than swimming, she had decided to stay dry and that jumping rooftops would still be faster. Even so, by the time she had gotten there the entire battlefield had been radically altered. A big whirlpool was swallowing up all the smaller debris, including that pirate that Motley was supposed to be fighting! Motley himself had been blasted away, and from what Erina could see he was nowhere to be found. Maybe he was going to be out of it for a while? Well that meant it was up to her!

But… Ew, that thing looked like a big toilet.

…

Wait… Something else was down there. Many somethings. She could sense it. Not quite see it, but feel it. It was a tingling sensation all over her body, but mostly deep in the pit of her stomach. Spirits. She’d never felt so many in her extremely long lifetime gathered in a single place. Almost like a… Civilization. The tingling was cold and unnatural. Even if her and Motley’s opponent weren’t down there, her duties as an exorcist were clear.

It had taken nearly an hour, but Erina had found a safe way to get down into the catacombs after K. Runch. All around her she felt the spectral presence of the deceased clinging to the mortal realm. Kings and queens and paupers and merchants and warriors all alike had found their spirits in a restless afterlife, stuck in the winding passageways and dark corridors. Traversing the area was not difficult for the kitsune, for she merely summoned her foxfire to provide the needed illumination. What distracted her was the moans and babbling of the ghosts that drew in around her. They needed to be helped, but she had a task to complete. Once they were done with this pirate, Erina would assist these apparitions, whatever Motley had to say about it.

The place was built like a maze, a sheer labyrinth of the dead, but there was only so many ways that she could go. Eventually Erina located the man she was after. Bartholomew K. Runch was beginning to stand as she approached from behind. She didn’t know what the man was entirely capable of, but he seemed to somehow cause that huge explosion, as well as form some kind of pellet material from his skin… Which to be perfectly honest was just so cool.

She called out to the man and established her reasoning for being here, though she expertly slipped in a little lie about Motley. Erina did that so often it was getting hard to keep track of what was a lie and what was the truth. Still, Runch reacted in a manner she hadn’t remotely anticipated. He actually laughed at her! What was she, some kind of joke, some plaything for his amusement?! Her eyes narrowed as Erina allowed Bend to enter her body. The katana in her hands became pristine and powerful once more, while the pirate… He looked even more a fool as he reached for a nonexistent weapon. 

”Kiyah!” Erina shouted in a direct charge toward Runch. As she attacked, the kitsune also shot some of her foxfire for his face. It would be completely harmless to a normal human, but of course he had no way of knowing that. He’d try to guard his face and leave his gut completely open to Bend’s blade…

”Bori bori wall!”

”Wait, wha-?”

Suddenly a tan colored wall sprouted up between the two. Her flames fizzled harmlessly against the barrier, though her sword sank a decent amount into it, a solid three inches. She yanked the blade free to see bits and pieces of the wall crumbling away. This is… Cereal? Like the pellets? So weird, but amazing! Again she struck the blade to the wall, knocking another segment out. Then another, and another. It was the only option she had for dealing with this obstacle.

Meanwhile, Runch took off running the opposite direction. He held his glow-in-the-dark cereal lamp in one hand and erected more walls behind him as he dashed down the long, flooded corridor. This isn’t great! My spoonsaber is gone and the water is making me sluggish! Sapping my energy! Even though I’m building these walls with my water-repellant recipe, they’re crumbling far too easily, like oatmeal! It was then that Runch reached a fork in the pathway. One to the left, one to the right. Honestly he’d prefer not to fight this girl at all. He was still sorely beaten from his previous skirmish with Motley, and once this fox woman was dealt with he still had to find Motley again. So this was where he was determined to lose her. Runch erected a wall over the right path, then took off down the left. Once she had busted through to the area, she would be focused on following his trail and he’d be long gone! Perfect! ”Omnomnomnom!”

Shortly after, Erina chopped apart what must have been the fifth wall in her way. This was just getting ridiculous! How much of that cereal could he even make?! That’s when she saw the fork in the tunnels. Left was open, right was blocked off. By reflex, her sword arm swung toward the blocked off tunnel, but then something stopped her at the last second. ”Wait, this must be a trick,” she muttered to herself. A bluff, he assumed I’d keep hacking at his walls and took off the other direction! It’s a classic maneuver. Unless he wasn’t thinking and just ran, then this is the right way. Or even worse, he could have anticipated that I’d call his bluff and chase after him in the open tunnel, when in reality he actually went in here! It’s a double bluff! AH!

Erina shook her head wildly, the indecisiveness of it all getting to her. That’s when Bend offered his own advice. “Erina, instead of trying to puzzle it out on your own, why not stop and… Ask for directions?” Erina stopped shaking, then stared at her ghostly ally. A second later, it clicked.She whirled around and then began speaking to a solid wall. At least that’s how it would have appeared to any onlookers. In reality she was addressing Ahkeem Sol’Vuq, the ghost of a desert hunter. 

”Could you please tell me which way the man with the really long pointy mustache went?” she inquired. The ghost was taken aback.

“You can… See me? Amazing! You have to hel-”

”I’ll do my best, but first I really need to know!”

“Oh, sure. He went down the left. Weird guy.”

Erina tilted her head and smiled back at the spectre, giving her best “cutesy” eyes. ”Thank you! I’ll come back later!” Before Ahkeem could respond, the kitsune was again charging down the dark catacombs, water splashing around with every step. At least it was at first. She entered a chamber which seemed to be mostly dry, with a large sarcophagus sitting in the middle. More ghosts and spectres haunted this room, which had no other exit, and the floor… The floor was… Squishy?

The exorcist squat down to touch what should have been solid stone. Instead it was some sort of damp spongy substance. Gingerly she licked the tip of her finger only to taste… Cherry? It was cereal. So the pirate was in here and had no way out, so he spent time absorbing the water with his creations. Why? But more importantly, where was he at now?

The Cereal Killer held his breath as best he could, for more reasons than one. It was dark in his hiding spot, but isolated. It gave him an opportunity to get a little more rest and recover with more of his healing Bloodberry recipe. But perhaps most importantly of all he took the time to read the journal by the light of his glow cereal. Again and again he poured over the details of Erina the Itinerant Exorcist. An immortal creature called a kitsune, with powers and dominion over the dead. He wasn’t sure he liked that, being as he was sitting inside a sarcophagus in a giant maze of death. Still, he was confident he knew as much about her as he needed and pocketed the still damp book in his pants.

Meanwhile Erina searched glanced around the room, searching for her target. The place was mostly empty, save for the obvious. He wouldn’t have, would he? Really? That was just too apparent, though! Well, there was one way to be certain. Erina spotted the ghostly visage of an ancient, well adorned man holding some sort of scepter. ”Excuse me-” she began, but was immediately cut off.

“Arrogance and insolence, taking refuge within my ferry to the next life! A million curses upon you, unworthy peasant!”

”Uh… Thanks? You just answered my question, I guess.” The kitsune looked to her side, where Bend was at the ready. Reaching a silent understanding, he overlapped her, and she took him into her body once again. Drawing the katana at her hip and holding it at the ready, she approached the sarcophagus. The blade held high, ready to strike, she forcefully kicked the lid clean off, and was greeted with an unexpected assault.

It was not from Runch himself, but an assault on her nose. The most horrid scent she could possibly imagine struck her nose all at once as it was freed from the tomb which kept it contained. Her stomach lurched, her lunch from earlier threatened to return to the land of the living. Erina stumbled back, having to cover her face with one hand to prevent a coughing fit. Tears condensed in her eyes, blurring the room.

It was then that Runch made his move. He leapt from the pharaoh's resting place, brandishing a glowing spoonsaber in his hand, a makeshift weapon crafted from his glow in the dark recipe. With one decisive strike he knocked the katana from Erina’s hand, then held his blade to her chest. ”Omnomnomnom! I’m glad you finally caught up! When I hiit this dead end, I thought I would be hiding with my Stinkberry Surprise forever! Omnomnom! But now this is over, ancient one. I need to find Mr. Crue before our time limit is over!”

For one reason or another, Erina did not panic. She didn’t freak out, and she didn’t give up. Maybe it was Bend’s influence, but she remained cool and collected. He was an assassin, after all. Devise the plan. Execute the plan. It was that simple. ”I’m not a fan of your recipes, but it looks like they are.” Erina gestured toward the floor with her chin.

”They who?” Runch, bewildered, spoke aloud. He then chanced a glance downward only to be horrified with the sight. A swarm of scarab beetles had surrounded him! They were marching closer, ready to rend the flesh from his bones! ”Ah! Back, you insects, back!” The pirate swung his improvised weapon downward toward the swarm, dropping his guard. Exactly as planned.

Erina quickly took hold of a throwing knife and shot it into Runch’s right shoulder, his sword arm. ”GAH!” Stumbling back, the Cereal Killer accidentally moved into the pile of bugs that threatened to devour him. Instinctively he jumped up, but none of them latched onto his leg. In fact, they all just completely vanished from sight! An illusion, one of her magical tricks. Gah! How could he fall for that? He had her on the ropes, of course they weren’t real! He should have suspected!

Meanwhile, the kitsune had found her katana once more and lunged at Runch. His fighting arm now weakened, he held up his weapon to block, but it wasn’t sufficient. Her strike powered through his defense and knocked him backward. Runch was off balance, and the medium wound back for another sword swing. This one would be deadly. Runch mentally sighed. He had no choice.

”Bori bori Hellberry grenade!” The pirate’s offhand swung up, generating an explosion pellet of cereal, this one significantly smaller than the one he had used on Motley above ground. Erina had already committed to her assault. There was no backing down now. The small ball of baked wheat struck the woman’s midsection with so little force, it wouldn’t have harmed a fly. Then it exploded, throwing Erina back into across the crypt. The ground shook and dust scattered about, dropping from the walls and ceiling from the concussive force. Runch regained his ground and stepped through the dust cloud to see Erina. She was sitting against the wall, her torso scorched and scuffed, bleeding, but otherwise fine. She’d survive, but it was gonna hurt like Hell.

”Here,” K. Runch offered, placing his hand in front of her, numerous red pellets seeping up from his pores. ”It’s my special Bloodberry recipe. Extremely nutritious. It helps your healing and gives you more energy.” He smiled. It was genuine, and warm. The fox woman couldn’t help but smile back and accept, eating the food right from his hand. She didn’t have the energy for anything else, so why not?

”Omnomnom. Good. You’re much too pretty and good natured to die here, wouldn’t you say? I wish Motley hadn’t sent you. I wanted it one on one for a reason.”

”Motley didn’t send me,” Erina stated, her voice already perking up. Well, he did in a roundabout sorta way. It was a gray area, but he didn’t specifically ask her to come. ”I came for you myself.”

This statement confused Runch. He tilted his head in confusion. ”Really? If you hate him so much, why’d you take the initiative?”

”Because-” she stopped herself. What was she going to say? She was a strong warrior that loved a fight? That Motley couldn’t keep her out of the battle? That Runch had actually killed her parents years ago and she was out for revenge? So many lies, so many ways to handle this important statement. ”Because… We’re kind of the same, and having him around grants my wish. At least a little.” It came out before she could even think about it. The truth? Wait, was that the truth? It was so hard to keep track of these days.

”Omnomnomnom! I see!” Runch stood tall, letting the laugh flow from his belly. This had lightened his spirits. ”Well I can respect that! I can respect that indeed!”

Just then, the glow on his sword went out, like a light switch. The two found themselves bathed in total, absolute darkness. ”What the fruit?!” Erina let out a small gasp, while Runch’s eyes struggled to adjust to the sudden disappearance of light. Then the chamber echoed with a sickening crack. It took a second to registered the pain in his left arm, but once he realized his arm was broken, Runch let out a howl of pain. He tossed aside the makeshift sword, and created another one from the same glow in the dark recipe. His eyes barely had time to observe Motley Crue’s presence, holding some sort of lighter-like object. Then the glow from his new sword vanished into that lighter, leaving everyone blind again.

”Sight is of no consequence when I can smell you,” the vampire stated. Runch heard the voice approaching and swung his new weapon, hitting only air. The only result he achieved was a broken rib as another invisible blow impacted against him. ”Know that I do not enjoy such torturous methods, Bartholomew, but you have proven to be quite the difficult prey. I can no longer afford to play nice.” Another crack, and Runch fell to one knee. His leg. His leg was broken too!

”Your flattery will get you nowhere, Erina.” Motley lifted Runch up by the neck. His limbs arched and seared with pain as they dangled limp. ”Do not concern yourself with the pain, pirate. Once I have taken your soul, I will mend these bones. For now, it is time for you to lose your dreams. Wryyy!” Motley grabbed for the captain’s phylactery, sensing the little bauble by hearing alone as it dangled from the man’s neck. That’s when Runch had an idea. Motley didn’t know he had two items dangling from his neck. Concentrating from his upper chest, Runch formed a covering around the religious amulet that he had found back at that cathedral.

Motley tore the chain from Runch’s neck, then dropped the pirate onto the floor, broken battered and bruised. As before he flicked open his lighter, only this time all the light it had stolen returned. Both glowing cereal swords were once again illuminating the room, giving Runch, and Erina, their first moment of clarity as to what had happened under cover of darkness. Motley smiled, content with himself, as he held his opponent’s phylactery in his hand. He reached for his own, and held the two at the ready. ”You put on a good battle, but nobody will stand between me and perfection.” The vampire clicked the two phylacteries together.

Click.

”What? Nothing is hap-”

BOOM!

Runch’s phylactery exploded right in Motley’s hands. More importantly, right in front of his face. The heat seared off most of the vampire’s face, boiled his eyes away, destroyed a hand, and knocked his own phylactery up into the air!

”Omnomnom! Bori bori mascot decoy! Hellberry recipe!” The religious amulet didn’t survive the explosion, being at the center of it. Sad. Runch had wanted to carry that little bauble with him to the end. He enjoyed something about it. Well no matter, there was a battle to win! Cap’n K. Runch used his improvised spoonsaber like a catcher’s mitt, saving Motley’s phylactery in midair! He dropped the thing in front of him and set his weapon aside. Then, with his one useable arm, grabbed his own precious phylactery and stabbed it into his opponent’s!
ProPro Member

Pierce the Heavens with your spoon!

Status

Recent Statuses

Bio

Most Recent Posts
