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    1. redbaron1234 9 yrs ago

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7 yrs ago
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@A Lowly Wretch

Okay, Long ass backstory but at least I know you can write. One quick formatting note. In order to get the horizontal lines to display properly, make sure to remove the space to make them display properly.

The other big point is that I feel you should move his powers to the special moves section, and make them explicit moves. I think that having someone whose main schtick is sustaining power is fun, though I do request that you explicitly state that Al needs to maintain concentration or something to heal. 5-10 seconds us a long time in a fight, after all. Aprt from that, if you are comfortable with him having no special or power moves, I am fine with it too.
@Valor
Hello Necron! While I dont mind the reference at all, I do have a few concerns. In his backstory you mention that he was part of a race that waged a war for an ancient machine god, and given his age it sounds like he was part of a major (if his 3-4 digit kill count is anything to go off of) war in the late 9th century. This kinda conflicts with what we have going for the Alternate History aspects of this RP. Namely that the broad strokes of history are the same as our reality, just with ki using individuals. The Boxer Rebellion had wire fu but was still put down, Robin Hood was a ki infused archer, etc. Hell even Margot's backstory basically puts her family on the front lines of French history. Thus having such a major war in the middle ages conflicts with that idea.

I am willing to keep that war happening at that point in time if you could elaborate how the Machine God's army was stopped, and maybe go into more detail as to how widespread it was. Another simple idea would be to make him much older and make his age vague beyond "Mythically old". While I doubt that a war of this scope would be forgotten even if it happened in the late 800's AD, I would buy it being something that happened in prehistoric times or earlier. Ultimately you are going to have to massage the war into history a bit.

Fighting Style and Moveset wise, Malus is a Mighty Melee Glacier. Hard hitting, and can take a hit, but slow as hell. I like this a lot, so far it is novel to this RP. My main two issues are living metal and the shield. The effect of post battle regeneration is fine but I would put some clear limits on how effective it is in battle. Speed, extent of healing, concentration, 'charges' etc. I prefer healing in battle be fairly limited. Similar deal with the shield. For a character that has a weakness to zoners, he has a pretty hard zoner counter. I would like to see something like him having limited mobility or offense, or having a 'life bar' to the shield.
@Dead Cruiser

I know Savo has commented on the hyperbole in the CS already, so I wont beat that drum again, though I do wish for that to be toned down.

The other main issue I have with Makoto is her move set and her weakness. Her fighting style imply more of a rushdown character but her actual move set implies a shotoclone. You should rethink what you want to focus on. The other problem is the weaknesses which is tied to the hyperbole a bit. You make it sound like she almost Exhausts herself out after a single punch, which makes me question how much of that hyperbole is real or not. When you are toning down her extremeness, you will need to redo her weaknesses, especially if you are going to refocus on the shotoclone aspect or the rushdown aspect of her character.
@Lmpkio@Dead Cruiser@A Lowly Wretch@Valor

Sorry for the delay, Im still going over them and will give you all my comments ASAP.






@Darkmoon Angel I like her. There's a simplicity to her that I feel would make her stand out against the more zany characters. She still certainly has enough potential for good character RP as well too.
@Roughdragon1 Yes, the nomads are established as being tough cookies, similar to how DBZ characters are tough. Even Krillen can be punted through a mountain and not explode like a tomato on impact. He wont be walking away from it, but he will survive, if only long enough to bleed out. While I don't think anyone can punt someone through a mountain like that, we've had characters survive a stadium collapsing on them and escaping through sheer strength.

I can also tell you that the character Savo mentioned that used a top hat swore with every other fucking word, so yes you can swear. While I think you might want to avoid outright describing a torture scene, getting serious injuries are a possibility, so blood is fine too. Just try not to go SAW on us.
@Bartimaeusi could look at your text to debug it for you. You could also just copy the raw coding of one of the characters from the head post and replace their infor with yours. You know it works there.
@Majoras Endi hope so.
So, uh, is it just me or has the guild been really bad about not being up lately?
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