As I mentioned to Wraith privately I’m currently AFK and out of the country tomorrow until Friday. I have my notebook however and mobile access to my google docs so working on stuff in my downtime. Hopefully have something up this weekend.
Roman Member
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Bio
Watch out.
The gap in the door... it's a separate reality.
The only me is me.
Are you sure the only you is you?
The gap in the door... it's a separate reality.
The only me is me.
Are you sure the only you is you?
DON'T TOUCH THAT DIAL NOW, WE'RE JUST GETTING STARTED
Most Recent Posts
Finally got my S2 updated Daredevil sheet finished, Jesus I put that off so much.
RETURNING CHARACTER
M A T T H E W M U R D O C K ♦ V I G I L A N T E ♦ H E L L ' S K I T C H E N
C O N T I N U I N G C O N C E P T:
"I am what I do in the dark now."
Matthew has crossed into uncharted territory, edging closer to his inner demons than he ever has done before. He killed Wilson Fisk in cold blood, pushed beyond limits he didn't even know he had by his archnemesis. His identity is out and making waves both locally and world-wide, and he has become a polarizing figure to his personal friends and the wider public, and even to himself. He is shaken by this new, vicious side to himself, but determined not to let it rule him. He is more careful than ever to become the trusted, heroic protector of Hell's Kitchen, but knows that the Devil steps with heavier treads than ever before.
C H A R A C T E R M O T I V A T I O N S & G O A L S:
Matthew Murdock is a fugitive and a murderer, who killed Fisk in a brutal moment of cold blood. Public opinion flits back and forth - no one misses Fisk, but many fear what will succeed him. DareDevil is all Matt has left; his civilian identity has been ruined, another disastrous consequence of his recklessness. Matt is ashamed and in fear of his soul, seeking recompense and redemption. And now, with Fisk's dam shattered, a multitude of threats invade the city, threatening to pose a danger to Matt's city far more destructive than Kingpin.
Matt's going to be busy.
Matt's going to be busy.
C H A R A C T E R N O T E S:
Matthew's allies include Franklin 'Foggy' Nelson and Karen Page - both seeking shelter from Fisk's crumbling empire out-of-state - and Stick and his organisation known as The Chaste, although Stick has insisted that DareDevil's refusal to join their clan has cut him off from their support. Katherine Spencer, New York's District Attorney and Matthew's ex-colleague, has also disavowed herself from Matthew after his public reveal as DareDevil.
Wilson Fisk, AKA Kingpin, DareDevil's archnemesis, is dead, but a new organisation known as The Hand seems to be capitalizing on the power vacuum left in his wake, and there are free agents and mercs pouring in now that Fisk is gone and no longer able to keep them out.
Wilson Fisk, AKA Kingpin, DareDevil's archnemesis, is dead, but a new organisation known as The Hand seems to be capitalizing on the power vacuum left in his wake, and there are free agents and mercs pouring in now that Fisk is gone and no longer able to keep them out.
S E A S O N O N E S Y N O P S I S:
Murdock's one-man assault on Fisk's kingdom ended in bittersweet, perhaps even pyrrhic, victory against the Kingpin. Elektra, Matthew's lover, had been an agent of The Hand, and had sold Matthew's civilian identity to Fisk, who used it to frame Murdock, then Assistant District Attorney, for bribery and drug trafficking. Murdock was forced to resign, as well as send his only friends and allies - Franklin 'Foggy' Nelson and Karen Page - out of the state to escape Fisk. Murdock launched a rampage on Fisk's operations until he was lured into a trap, beaten and poisoned by Elektra, and then kidnapped to Times Square by Fisk for a public showdown and execution - but DareDevil turned the tables, and killed Kingpin - but not before his true identity was revealed to the world, changing Matthew's life forever. He blacked out, thinking this was the end, but was somehow rescued by Stick and the Chaste. Stick attempted to recruit Matthew into the Chaste - but DareDevil refused, choosing instead to walk the path he had carved out for himself.
P O S T C A T A L O G:
S E A S O N O N E:
S E A S O N T W O:
S E A S O N T W O:
Same as before, this section is for a list of hyperlinks to your ongoing IC posts as they're created.
@Hillan, as promised.
-A few minor grammatical errors, mostly around the use of apostrophes, and the sentences can feel a little awkward and stilted at times. Watch your repetition and your syntax; break up your dialogue with a new line for each speaker. The storytelling is sound but there is an occasional stumble that pulls the reader out of it. Of course, this may very well be due to english not being your native language.
-Eobard’s characterization is exceptional. I especially enjoy how well you portray a man who knows the future yet plays along with the story. It’s an interesting meta-narrative of sorts, and it’s entertaining. It isn’t often the audience shares their dramatic irony with the characters in the story.
-Post 4/5, ‘Blur’, look up Vantablack. Thank me later. The villain is interesting. I don’t have much knowledge about Flash’s rogues beyond the obvious and what the show utilized, so it’s fun having you present someone/something I have zero preconceptions about as your first antagonist.
-While I enjoy the use of the wider rogues and their ability to surprise Thawne - Thawne’s hubris, by the way, is riveting to read and thoroughly enjoyable - the pacing feels too fast, even for a Flash story. We go from Thawne defeating his first rogue, which was an anomaly in itself that’s never really addressed, to being accosted by arguably Flash’s 4 biggest rogues in one night and offing one of them in the process. It feels off putting somewhat.
-Thawne’s motivation pivot from ‘I’m better than Barry’ to ‘I love Nora’ is the start of a beautiful redemption story and maybe the first time we can feel sympathy for this man who is otherwise violent, arrogant, sociopathic, and fuelled by hatred. It’s a lovely turning point in Thawne’s development, and it’s such a shame that there were zero hints or nods or vague foreshadowing or brief exploration of the depth of Thawne’s character before this entrapment. It’s clear there’s an internal battle between the man who survived on hatred and the man who wanted to love, and I really, really want to see more of it.
-All in all it’s an entertaining story that sometimes can be difficult to read with a few out-of-the-blue character turns. Fun, but missing finesse. Feels like perhaps you’re flying by the seat of your pants a tad? If you haven’t already, try a skeleton for your plot direction and use that as a reference tool.
-A few minor grammatical errors, mostly around the use of apostrophes, and the sentences can feel a little awkward and stilted at times. Watch your repetition and your syntax; break up your dialogue with a new line for each speaker. The storytelling is sound but there is an occasional stumble that pulls the reader out of it. Of course, this may very well be due to english not being your native language.
-Eobard’s characterization is exceptional. I especially enjoy how well you portray a man who knows the future yet plays along with the story. It’s an interesting meta-narrative of sorts, and it’s entertaining. It isn’t often the audience shares their dramatic irony with the characters in the story.
-Post 4/5, ‘Blur’, look up Vantablack. Thank me later. The villain is interesting. I don’t have much knowledge about Flash’s rogues beyond the obvious and what the show utilized, so it’s fun having you present someone/something I have zero preconceptions about as your first antagonist.
-While I enjoy the use of the wider rogues and their ability to surprise Thawne - Thawne’s hubris, by the way, is riveting to read and thoroughly enjoyable - the pacing feels too fast, even for a Flash story. We go from Thawne defeating his first rogue, which was an anomaly in itself that’s never really addressed, to being accosted by arguably Flash’s 4 biggest rogues in one night and offing one of them in the process. It feels off putting somewhat.
-Thawne’s motivation pivot from ‘I’m better than Barry’ to ‘I love Nora’ is the start of a beautiful redemption story and maybe the first time we can feel sympathy for this man who is otherwise violent, arrogant, sociopathic, and fuelled by hatred. It’s a lovely turning point in Thawne’s development, and it’s such a shame that there were zero hints or nods or vague foreshadowing or brief exploration of the depth of Thawne’s character before this entrapment. It’s clear there’s an internal battle between the man who survived on hatred and the man who wanted to love, and I really, really want to see more of it.
-All in all it’s an entertaining story that sometimes can be difficult to read with a few out-of-the-blue character turns. Fun, but missing finesse. Feels like perhaps you’re flying by the seat of your pants a tad? If you haven’t already, try a skeleton for your plot direction and use that as a reference tool.
I just wanna say 301 IC posts is fucking crazy and is the longest IC of any game I have ever participated in.
I am never going to get through reading all of this shit.
Congrats guys. Big hype for Season 2.
I am never going to get through reading all of this shit.
Congrats guys. Big hype for Season 2.
The Winter Soldier may be cold, but that CS is...
Just want to update y'all since I've been a bit quiet recently; mental health has been a bit of a bitch this week, not helped by the recent weather here in the UK which has made sitting down to writing increasingly difficult. Regardless, I have half a post written and I'm going to try and finish today/tomorrow!
t's so hot here right now.
Stuck between catch-up reading the IC and plotting out Constantine for Season 2 at the moment, and still need to outline DareDevil. I’m just bouncing between all three plus work and video games. God my life is hard.
@Star Lord Okay, all up to date with Diana and ready to deliver my feedback:
-Pacing and sentence length. Vary it up and alter the flow of your writing. My immediate feedback is just how stilted everything feels. Sentences are around this sort of length. Maybe a bit longer, with a comma haphazardly slapped in the middle. Maybe a bit shorter like this. The uniform sentence length combined with a lack of punctuation really serves to create a sort of monotonous tone to your writing that quickly becomes tiring to plod through. I honestly want to limit your allowed period points per post and see what would happen. Let me refer you to this quote from Gary Provost:
Something to dwell on perhaps.
-Proof read your posts. Things like ‘came awake’ instead of ‘woke up’ or ‘awoke’, ‘reminded in the background’ instead of ‘remained’, and ‘ironic armour’ instead of ‘iconic’ really stand out and just slow down the read even more. These kinds of typos are littered throughout all your posts, from 1.1 right the way up to 5.2.
-Your tone is a bit...varied. There’s an interesting Proto-Sokovia Accords/Superhuman Registration Act political arc with the committee passing judgement on Diana, but also this almost cartoonish cabal of mixed-franchise rogues. Aladdin is an...interesting choice for main antagonist. The two plots don’t sit well together side by side. It’s probably better to decide if you like political intrigue or bronze-age heroes vs villains, and lean into that decision, to create a more cohesive and tonally consistent narrative.
-There is a solid plot thread in there - criminalising Diana, destroying her reputation, the history of being the first major active ‘hero’ for the setting, a proto-registration plot, a contemporary look at how the modern world might realistically react to vigilantes/heroes - but ultimately your writing, while technically sound, is artistically dry, and it becomes very drudging to read.
Okay, that's it.
-Pacing and sentence length. Vary it up and alter the flow of your writing. My immediate feedback is just how stilted everything feels. Sentences are around this sort of length. Maybe a bit longer, with a comma haphazardly slapped in the middle. Maybe a bit shorter like this. The uniform sentence length combined with a lack of punctuation really serves to create a sort of monotonous tone to your writing that quickly becomes tiring to plod through. I honestly want to limit your allowed period points per post and see what would happen. Let me refer you to this quote from Gary Provost:
“This sentence has five words. Here are five more words. Five-word sentences are fine. But several together become monotonous. Listen to what is happening. The writing is getting boring. The sound of it drones. It’s like a stuck record. The ear demands some variety. Now listen. I vary the sentence length, and I create music. Music. The writing sings. It has a pleasant rhythm, a lilt, a harmony. I use short sentences. And I use sentences of medium length. And sometimes, when I am certain the reader is rested, I will engage him with a sentence of considerable length, a sentence that burns with energy and builds with all the impetus of a crescendo, the roll of the drums, the crash of the cymbals–sounds that say listen to this, it is important.”
Something to dwell on perhaps.
-Proof read your posts. Things like ‘came awake’ instead of ‘woke up’ or ‘awoke’, ‘reminded in the background’ instead of ‘remained’, and ‘ironic armour’ instead of ‘iconic’ really stand out and just slow down the read even more. These kinds of typos are littered throughout all your posts, from 1.1 right the way up to 5.2.
-Your tone is a bit...varied. There’s an interesting Proto-Sokovia Accords/Superhuman Registration Act political arc with the committee passing judgement on Diana, but also this almost cartoonish cabal of mixed-franchise rogues. Aladdin is an...interesting choice for main antagonist. The two plots don’t sit well together side by side. It’s probably better to decide if you like political intrigue or bronze-age heroes vs villains, and lean into that decision, to create a more cohesive and tonally consistent narrative.
-There is a solid plot thread in there - criminalising Diana, destroying her reputation, the history of being the first major active ‘hero’ for the setting, a proto-registration plot, a contemporary look at how the modern world might realistically react to vigilantes/heroes - but ultimately your writing, while technically sound, is artistically dry, and it becomes very drudging to read.
Okay, that's it.
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