Avatar of Sir Lurksalot

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11 mos ago
Current I am going to smuggle wholesomeness into your RPs and there's not a damned thing any of you can do to stop me.
5 likes
1 yr ago
"Bud, you're like a pizza cutter; All edge and no point!"
6 likes
1 yr ago
Habanero ain't the spiciest pepper but it's pretty tasty on things, ya gotta admit.
2 likes
1 yr ago
And in addition to boneless wings being overrated; Anybody who looks at sauced and tossed wings, lovingly spiced and perfectly crispy and says; 'I'mma dunk that in blue cheese' has missed the point.
1 like
1 yr ago
Boneless wings are overrated.

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Most Recent Posts

WIP, hoooo!

+2




"Y'know, Kid... the point is to hit the target. Not to start a bush-fire."

At the tone of those words, the boy's head and shoulders slumped a little for a few seconds in quiet shame. Though that abated rather swiftly as the lad abruptly took up his weapon once more in a admittedly slightly shaky grip, holding it there for a few good seconds before firing again... The resultant amber bolt going high this time, missing the steel cut-out of a Stormtrooper bolted to the side of a broad old-growth tree entirely and smacking some particularly unfortunate bird roughly the size of a melon in it's fat, surprised face as it was flying by. Blowing the poor thing apart like a balloon filled with steaming, chunky pasta sauce.

"...Well, at least we'll have chum to bait some fish later." The older Mando spoke up again, sounding actually a bit amused now. "Try again."

Another blast and another decisive lack of shooting straight followed.

"Again." This command was accompanied by a slight clinking of beskar and the crushing of grass, barely heard over the bolt summoned by it. Predictably, going wide again.

The kid bit down on his lip and adjusted his stance, extremely aware of the man's closing proximity now, but still obediently doing as he was told... Kicking up a whole mess of dirt as he struck low this time. Letting out a low shaky exhale from both frustration and fatigue, he lowered his arm and head again. Very much aware that his elder was standing right behind him now.

Though whatever scolding the boy was expecting, it probably didn't include the sight of a bronze-coloured helmet thumping down to the ground by his feet.

The boy didn't really have time to ponder that, however, as he heard some more shuffling of armourweave and clanking of beskar behind him, hinting that his companion was now crouching down behind him. Followed by a slight weight on his shoulder, and the sensation of a hand much larger than his own coming to rest against that which clutched the old, heavy pistol. Gently pushing it upward into a firing position again, while another rested against his other hand, softly maneuvering his fingers and adjusting his junior's grip. Making the boy's eyes to start to wander a bit to the side in curiosity.

"Eyes down the barrel, Vaar'ika." The elder of the two instructed before their eyes could meet. His words sharp and direct, though spoken with an almost gentle patience one rarely expected from a Mandalorian.

The little Mando, of course, obeyed. Eliciting a quiet grunt of approval and maybe just a smidgen of a smirk he just barely caught in his peripheral vision from the armoured man.

"You've already felt the recoil before, so don't let it frighten you. Simply accept and prepare for it." He continued, the hand that had been fine-tuning the lad's grip on the weapon retreating to rest instead on his little shoulder. "Now. Breathe out. Calmly, and with purpose, and squeeze the trigger as your lungs empty."

Not long after, another fiery amber bolt escaped the weapon with a thundering crack. Still high and to the left, but at least he was actually hitting the target now.

"Not good enough. Again." Another crack. Still slightly to the left, but closer to center mass. "Again."

Bullseye. The tree actually swayed at that.

"That's better. Two more."

Twice right on the money, if the boy wasn't so dialed-in to his task, he might've actually noticed that smirk he'd seen in his peripheral earlier widen just a teensy bit.

The tree, for it's part, let out a groan of protest as bits of bark launched themselves off it's far side.

"Now, Keldabe Drill. Just like I taught you."

Two bolts to the target's 'chest', and one just left of the head. Provoking a loud 'crunch!' from the tree and a little snarl of "Shabuir!" from the child's lungs that actually caught his elder a little off-guard as he quickly readjusted his stance all on his own and fired again.

Two in the chest, one in the head. A grouping so nice he then did it twice.

And then a third and forth time, progressively faster and tighter as he went, until the old tree finally gave up the ghost and keeled over with a thunderous crash, roots and all before he had the chance to give it a fifth helping of the good stuff. Finally allowing the boy to lower the hefty weapon in his hands and catch a much-needed breath.

"...Not bad, Toryn." The older of the two said, after giving the lad a moment or two to suck in all the air he wanted into his tired little body. "We just might make a warrior of you yet."

At that, the boy cocked a brow between ragged breaths and cast a quizzical glance towards the man, whose face— an aged and weathered reflection of his own; with those bright green eyes he'd inherited over a twice-broken nose and under a short cut of greying brown hair— simply met him with a cheeky half-smile. And a pair of raised hands.

Immediately, Toryn's eyes snapped back down to the weapon in his grip, and then back again. Realizing finally that he'd been holding the damned thing completely unassisted for some time now and trying to rack his brain to remember exactly when that happened.

His grandpa, for his part, merely snorted at the display.

"...Well, once you learn to pay attention, that is."




"Grah...FUH-!" Toryn let out with all the grace of a constipated tauntaun as the compression and kickback of the shuttle's landing struts jostled him awake... specifically by the loud 'clang!' of his armoured head against the bulkhead next to him from where he sat, semi-sprawled and previously passed out in the back corner of the ship. Growling under his breath; "...Alright, I'm up, I'm up..."

Rising with a chorus a cracks, snaps and pops from joints and vertebra that always seemed to have a negative opinion to share these days, our Mando cast a quick glance over his surroundings. The gaze of his visor very calmly drifting to each corner of the room— an old habit that hadn't gone away since his time on Taris and wasn't looking to be leaving any time soon— before he was even fully on his feet. Seeming to ease a bit when he saw a lowered loading ramp, the backs of the rest of the Knights and his fellow Apprentices and probably more importantly, a distinct absence of anything that could be immediately trying to kill him.

'Well, guess the party's started.'

Toryn thought, giving his back and shoulders one last stretch before tucking the rolled up poncho he'd been using as a pillow under his arm and stepping forward and casting a glance around at the others, gauging their body language like he'd learned through his youth and ever-so-slightly broadening his senses through the Force like Reni had taught him to not really intrude upon their thoughts so much as to just perceive what they were radiating freely, trying to get a bead on how they were handling the 'big day' so far.

The Dathomirian, Sildarg? He didn't know enough about her to make an accurate call, but he could tell she was at least a little bit nervous. Which, to be fair, they were about to casually waltz into an ancient ruin on a desolate planet at the very edge of known space; there was an entire genre of holo-cinema about how bad of an idea that usually was. Hell; him, Kada and Nova had watched at least three of those flicks on the way here just to pass the time. So that was perfectly reasonable. Airus? Quite the opposite. Full-on Gung-ho-Joe, that guy; talking about The Force and how bloody great it was to be here, how powerful this place made him feel—

Toryn had to reel back from the Force real quick, that level of sheer, undiluted sunshine was starting to hurt a little.

Mala, from what he could tell, seemed almost nostalgic to be here. Which made sense, her being one of the few Jedi of the Old Order left, though Toryn made a point of not digging much further than that. Being very aware of what the Knights of old thought of his people and not particularly wanting to accidentally provoke a confrontation. On the opposite end of that spectrum, there was Reni; a pacifist, a technophobe, an open book— pretty much Toryn's exact opposite in every conceivable way... which is probably why the got along as well as they did. So much so that it'd almost become an unspoken game between them; every time the Mirialan got the normally-reserved Mando to crack, laugh or be more open? That was a point to her, just as any time he could catch her off guard by just being himself— or better yet, make her burst out laughing with a precise application of the laconic Mandalorian wit she was supposed to hate— that was a point to him.

It was... strange comparing Reni to the stories of Jedi he'd heard as a boy. 'Ori'buyce, kih'kovid.' his grandpa would say about them; 'All helmet, no head.'. An order so convinced of their own righteousness and authority that they believed any who would dare oppose or even disagree with them by definition must be evil and in need of 'Excision'. A word that held a very particular kind of venom amongst his people; a kind that could only be birthed when a foe attacks unprovoked, devastates your worlds, kills three quarters of the population and then doesn't even have the nerve to call it a war. Merely an operation, like the removal of a tumor or an unsightly wart.

Reni... Wasn't like that. And learning from and working with her these past few months had... altered... his perception of what was meant to be his people's oldest adversary.

And he could almost be certain that his grandpa— wherever he was in the stars, amongst the Fallen Kings— would probably approve if he's watching... Even if his Mirialan Master occasionally did weird stuff like stepping out into the middle of a snowstorm in her bare feet while looking damned happy about it.

...Actually, scratch that, Gramps was probably laughing his ass off right now.

A warm little almost-chuckle escaped him at the thought as he shook his head. Which distracted juuuust long enough that he only noticed Nova's attempt to emulate their master too late to try and stop her. And from the way she shot up half-way into orbit and bolted back inside almost the exact second her toes hit the powder, he really didn't need the Force to figure out what was going on in her head.

A snort escaped him— Reni's first point for the day— as he unfurled and slipped on his poncho; his armour by itself was warm enough, being rated for the void in space and all, but it tended to get starkly less so if the armourweave got soaked in the snow or his beskar began to ice up. Taking his time to adjust it to his comfort, run a gloved hand against the soft fabric and admire the old Taung patterns his mum had woven into the garment while he waited for the little blonde terror to finish tearing apart the lockers in the back of the shuttle in search of warmer clothes.

...And to be perfectly honest, Reni very nearly scored another point in absentia when Nova came half-trundling, half-waddling past him in hell knows how many layers. Pressing on into the Ilum with a fiery (if clumsy) determination that would have made her faceplant into the white stuff had Toryn not immediately started following behind and been there to give her a firm yank back upward he wasn't sure she even felt through all her insulation.

"Too many layers, Kiddo. Makes you work harder to move, which makes you sweat." Came the semi-electronic crack of Toryn's voice through his helmet. His advice sharp and direct, though spoken with an almost gentle patience one rarely expected from a Mandalorian. "And when that happens, you'll really start to feel cold."

For good measure, he kept his grip on the back of her jacket, whether she was aware of it or not for the rest of the way into the temple. The sooner the kid got outta the wind, preferably with the least amount of slips, trips and falls possible the better.

It also helped Toryn keep his mind off the growing pressure in the back of his brain, one that only grew with every step he took to the entrance of this place.



Entering the temple after a few more near-misses on the way from the shuttle, Toryn finally released his grip on the back of the young pilot's jacket and gave her a quick brushing off; The would-be Mando Jedi surmising that his junior might not have the mobility in her arms right now before grabbing hold of his own poncho and giving it a quick shaking out. Throwing the now snow-free garment over his shoulder as an ad-hoc cape when he was done as his visor once again calmly scanned about the main chamber as he had done in the shuttle earlier— as he did whenever he entered any room, in fact— the Mandalorian making a quick mental note of all the information that popped up in the slight orange tinge of his HUD as it adjusted to the lower levels of light; the composition and density of the stone, crevices that could be hidden in, potential angles of attack and calculations for firing solutions that would optimally respond to each... that kind of thing.

This place was... old. Toryn didn't need his scanner to know that, he could outright feel it in his bones; That 'pressure' he felt in his head earlier on the way in having migrated down and spread through the rest of his body. It didn't fill him with trepidation or anything like dread, mind you, but it did force him to stretch out his senses and pay closer attention to his surroundings.

He knew this feeling, because he'd been in places like this before; Albeit, without realizing why he'd felt it at the time... But all that aside, if his experience was anything to go by, Toryn knew that his day was likely to get very complicated, very soon.

“Well, Toryn, what do you think? Is it everything you imagined? Perhaps even more?”

Quickly, Toryn's visor snapped down to face the Mirialan. Finding her posed ramrod straight in direct parody of the temple around them and with a goofily-constructed, deliberately over-serious expression that even she was having trouble holding together with any semblance of control.

Immediately his shoulders relaxed slightly, and he loosed a breath he hadn't even realized he was holding in.

...Tag another point to the Green Lady.

"Of course." Came Toryn's wry reply, as he reached into one of the pouches on his belt and tossed Reni one of the fruit-bars he'd made before they left D'qar, likewise tossing another to the side Nova's way. "Because only the Jedi could ever build something so big, yet so very bland."

Giving his head a bit of a shake to rid himself of any remnant of that earlier tension, he fished a third bar for himself— sour, instead of sweet and made of a different fruit than the other two, as he still wasn't entirely confident that either of the other members of their three-string band were quite ready for the Mandalorian definition of 'sour' yet— and unwrapped it before pulling up his helmet slightly to take a bite. Offering a rare glimpse of the man beneath... Or at the very least, the pale skin and brown stubble around his jaw, and the long, often overlapping spider-line scars from shrapnel that traveled down his left cheek and intersected over the corner of his mouth on their way down to his chin.

"...Still, nothing that can't be fixed by an Alsakani with two days wages and a few cans of paint."

He added, piling on the sacrilege and heresies without skipping a beat as he took another bite of his snack. Lip noticeably curling upward in a wry grin as he chewed.
Sweeeeeet...
Finished!
Just throwing up a WIP to show I haven't been procrastinating this whole time.

Edit: DONE!

I have a GM thing I need a couple of guinea pigs volunteers for. If not I'll just have it done as a background thing, but be cool to get some people in on it.


Uhhh... what'cha have in mind, chief?
Kinda hammed it on the end there, but post's up!


Chapter 1: Fallen Knight
Fandingo's Fine Meats, Seattle Waterfront, 21:43




Now who's bullshit idea was it to have him hiding out in an abandoned meat-packing plant with an actual goddamn cannibal? This had B-Movie Horror written on every goddamn surface he could think of. Actually, scratch that. If this was some B-Horror, he'd at least be sporting the immaculate jawline of Bruce Goddamn Campbell. Mitch Mayo grimaced quietly as he dabbed at the beads of sweat pouring off his furrowed brow with the tomato-red handkerchief he kept in his breast pocket.

He hadn't clawed his way up from being the Condiment King, the absolute laughing stock of Gotham to put up with this shit.

It was supposed to be his first big break; the bosses in Gotham, reeling from some recent body-blows at home courtesy of the new Mayor, had sent him out here with a few good men, a nice three-piece suit and an open mandate to drum up a new revenue of income far from the reach the Commissioner, the Mayor and especially the Bat. Seattle seemed a good enough place as any to start; far to the north of the more studiously watched ports of San Francisco and Jump City but also close enough to Vancouver to cut into the fentanyl and flesh trade coming in from Asia. The only real obstacle he identified right off the hop were the local Tongs, who, though they'd largely put down their guns at some point in the nineties, still remained the largest presence within the city, acting as both power broker and mediator between the smaller local gangs and the larger groups.

Namely the local branch of the Yakuza, led by some spoiled brat with a fetish for parties and fancy cars while daddy was away overseeing things in Tokyo and the Okhrana, a particularly secretive flavour of Russian that'd been in town since at least the last Tsar kicked the bucket and rumoured to themselves be led by a Romanov. Though details on that last bit were scarce at best.

It was the Tongs, led by their 'Sifu'— a mister Chen 'Shaun' Lao— that kept the peace, kept everyone playing fair and set the rules of the game; No business where kids can see you, absolutely no human trafficking of any kind and don't poke the cops unless they poke you. Reasonable. Noble, even. The words of a man he could work with and make tidy profit alongside, given enough time.

Unfortunately, that shit wasn't gonna fly. The bosses back home wanted money now, not later and weren't at all interested in Lao or his rules. So instead they cracked open the war chest and hired him a 'Specialist' to make the magic happen.

And that's how he wound up sharing a mailing address with Flamingo, some lunatic with a fancy pink jacket and a batshit plan to kidnap the Sifu's daughter, pin it on the Yaks, have a sensible chuckle while the two tore the town apart around them killing eachother and move in on their holdings while they weren't paying attention... mixed up with a bit of going into town every once in a while to scoop up the wounded, the unsuspecting, or just anyone he happened across and fancied, to bring them back here and shove them on a meat-hook for 'Fun times and food'.

...Did he mention the part about being trapped in a meat-packing plant with a cannibal?

Because that was very relevant to how Mitch's life was going right now.


For a solid three days he'd been putting up with this insanity. And at this point, he didn't know what was worse; when Flamingo was gone and they were suddenly vulnerable to the shitstorm they'd served up all over this city and the Okhrana— whom he was convinced at this point had caught onto what they had done with how they couldn't go a block without seeing one of them— or when Flamingo was here. Terrorizing him and his men with every breath he took and occasionally throwing one on a hook when he was offended, hungry or just plain bored... hell, it'd gotten to the point where the hourly check-ins with boys patrolling the grounds was less about security and more about making sure nobody else's face had found it's way into their Specialist's stomach.

Hell, the only reason Mitch himself was probably still around was because he was the one with the paybook.

Nevermind that spot between a rock and a hard place he'd found making sure he was always standing between the Magenta-Clad Cannibal and the six year old girl they had tied up in the back of the main office (whom his own bosses would probably grill him for still being there, irrelevant as she now was) while trying desperately not to look like he was constantly between the madman and a hot meal. Sure, he was a gangster, a crook and all manner of bad shit in between— but he still had principles, dammit.

"Tick, tick, tick..." The object of his terror chided at him from his chair across the table from him, playfully tapping at his wristwatch to remind him it was check-in time.

And the start of another rousing round of 'Who's Food Now?'

Wiping at his brow one last time and swallowing hard, the sharp-dressed, now semi-liquid man picked up the squawk box and tried his level best to at least sound like he had his shit together.

"Okay boys, how are things looking out there?"

"O'Keefe here, nothing to report." Came the first reply, quick and to the point like Dan always was.

"This is Fennech, just us and the roaches out here." Joe was second, casual as ever.

"Seleukos, west side's quiet." And there was Laz. Three down, one to go.

Yup. Just one more. Any second now.

...

...Aaaany second now.

Flamingo's eyes lit up in that creepy little way that made his blood run cold.

"...Waiting on you, Peralta."

The pink-clad cannibal let out a deep, satisfied sigh as he locked his eyes with the former Condiment King. Unblinking. Smiling.

"Peralta."

That smile turned into a grin, wide and unnatural. With bleach white teeth filed down to serrated edges broken up here and there with the odd chunk of flesh sticking to the gaps between.

Mitch suddenly became aware of the sound of his own heart in his ears as a cold, black void rose up from his stomach.

"MARTY!"

More silence. And on shaky legs, Mitch slowly began to rise from his seat.

"Sorry, Boss. Caught me in the middle of takin' a leak."

At once, the shaking stopped. And Mayo flopped back into his chair.

"All's quiet out here."

"Peralta, at the best of times you only need two fingers or a set of tweezers to aim that thing— Answer your damned radio or hand it off to someone else next time."

No sooner had the radio clattered back down to the table as Mitchell visibly deflated and all but collapsed into his clammy palms, did Flamingo let out a loud, barking laugh. A shrill, demented thing.

"Oh, you are just too much fun, Mister Mayo!" The maniac managed between laughs. "I hope this little business venture never ends!"

And that's when the power went out.




"Set of tweezers— Go fuck yourself, Mitch!" Marty Peralta screamed back into the radio with as much vitriol all five and a half feet of him could muster as he hastily zipped up his fly, though he at least had the sense not to have the push-to-talk pressed down when he did so.

Few could blame him though, with just nineteen years and barely a hundred pounds to his existence, the kid had been the butt-monkey for this entire goddamn trip— If it wasn't Mitch chewing him out, it was Danny threatening to kick his teeth in over every little thing, Laz passing all the bitch-work his way while eating his food or, most infuriating of all, Old Man Joe looking him up and down and saying shit like; "Kid, maybe you should go home and take up welding, or something.".

And that was all before the pink guy showed up and started eating his coworkers.

Honestly, if this wasn't his one shot to move up in the family he would've high-tailed it outta here a long time ago. But as things were, he just had to shut up and take it on the chin. Not that the thought made him feel any better as he scratched at his peach fuzz of a beard and stormed back to where him and his crew were hanging out keeping watch, the lad's pace quickening as his stomach growled in want of the food he knew should be there.

At the very least, he could drown his troubles in pizza.

"You fuckers better've saved me a slice of that pie, or SO HELP ME—!" He began to roar, slamming the door open with his boot before the words abruptly died in his throat.

What was supposed to be a room full of some of Gotham's hardest instead looked more like Pablo Picasso's take on domestic abuse; One man with both hands pinned to his ass by his own knife and his face smashed through the wooden table they'd all been playing cards on. Another stuffed head first into a steel drum, the only thing visible of him being his broken, misshapen legs sticking out the top. Some other poor bastard found himself with his head stuffed through the screen of the old CRT television they'd been using, arms so broken, the bones were sticking out of his sleeves, though that little detail didn't stop his attacker from cuffing them behind him either way.

Hell, there was even some poor bastard dangling from the ceiling by his ankles; his face full of bits of glass, and every single one of his fingers bent so far back they were damn near touching his wrists.

All told, if he couldn't hear the groaning, moaning and strained breathing through broken ribs, he'd think they were all dead. If he could think of anything at all over the panicked screaming inside his own head that screamed at his body to move.

And then suddenly the lights went out. And he felt something metallic press into the back of his head.

"Sorry, Kiddo; Think I grabbed the last slice." Came a... alarmingly casual voice from behind him around a mouthful of what the young man suspected to be his pizza. "But in my defence; extra cheese? Double pep? Italian sausage? I couldn't help myself, you guys have good taste."

A cold shudder crept up his spine and he swallowed hard in fear.

...But it was damn near pitch black in here, so maybe this guy wouldn't notice his hands slowly creeping up towards his radio and his gu—

"Marty." The man behind him spoke again to derail that train of thought, making the boy flinch slightly at both the use of his name and the sound and vibration of a hammer cocking behind his skull. "...Seriously, man. How much are these people actually paying you?"

A very good fucking point. And without further ado, complaint, or sound, up went the kid's hands.

"Smart kid." Came the voice again, with a tone that suggested some measure of approval. "You should really think about dropping this gig and taking up welding, or something."

"Oh, FUCK YOU MA—"

*WHAM!*

...And down Marty went like a sack of potatoes.

"Temper, temper..." Jason chided the now very unconscious teenager, before quickly sucking the remnants of that pizza off his fingers, pulling his glove back on and reattaching the lower part of his helmet before kneeling down to relieve the poor kid of his gun. Tossing the mag one way, the slide another and everything else behind him.

Next, he grabbed the kid's radio— which had been dangling off his vest— and started prying the faceplate of it off with his knife.

The job'd already started, after all.

So it was high time that these guys got acquainted with Jay's good pal, Freddie.




"Toniiiiight~ I'm gonna have myself a real good tiiime~" The squawk box suddenly piped up from out of nowhere in the dark, damn near making Mitch brown his pants on the spot. "I feel ali-hi-hi-HIVE!~"

"Oh, what now?" He said, after a few seconds of trying to wrap his head around the fact that not only was he now trapped in a meat packing plant with a cannibal, at night, in the dark, but now the radio was apparently possessed, too.

Fumbling about in the dark, he managed to quickly scoop the thing up and flip it over to channel two.

"And the wooooorld, I'll turn it inside out, yeah!~"

...Just to find more of the same.

*Click!*

"I'm floating around in ecstasy~"

Channel three as well.

*Click!*

"So, don't stop me now~"

*Click!*

"Don't!"

*Click!*

"Stop!"

*Click!*

"Meee~!"

There it was, broadcasting on every goddamn channel. Blocking out any and all means of communication.

"...What in the goddamn?"

"Because I'm having a good time! HAVING A GOOD TIME!"

The room suddenly got a whole lot brighter and louder as a trio of explosions rang out from just outside and what he was sure was bits of his own car went whipping past the nearest window.

"It would appear, Mister Mayo, that we are under attack." Flamingo observed nonchalantly, rising from his seat. "By someone who knows how to weaponize chaos."

"WHAT?" Mitch shouted, all but leaping out of his chair as his ears rang from a combination of the blaring music, the explosions and a very sudden increase in gunfire and screaming in their postal code.

"Just stay here with the girl, I'll go deal with it."
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