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Crazy. Insane. Basket case. Pshyco. She had been called these and many more. Not for a single second had she ever thought that those words had applied to her. Not until now.
Truth to be told, she had thought them many times, but the thought had always been pushed to the back of her mind. Those words were usually meant to be used to offend someone. They were dirty words that came with their own stigmas and stereotypes. So why did she think that they all of the sudden applied to her now? Because her mind was more of mess than it had ever been.
She believed herself to be going insane; to be losing her mind. So what was the evidence upon which she was basing her claims?
There was the semi-normal things: Having full fledged conversations with the walls. Screaming into her pillows. Chewing her jaw until it was bloody. Then there were the more questionable things. Not speaking to anyone unless forcerd to or asked a direct question. Flinching away whenever someone tried to touch her. Hardly leaving the house. Not eating, sleeping, or drinking for days at a time. Last but not least, there were the things that scared her the most. Forgetting how to breathe. Crying without realizing it. How harming herself felt like a way to be in control of something.
People often joked that she had a death wish, but thetopic was most definitely up for debate. Sometimes she'd sit on the very edge of the cliff. Other times she would accidentally on purpose forget to look before crossing the street.
Maybe these so called signs were rubish, but it sure as hell felt like she was losing her mind.
If you were to ask, she would tell you that she wasn't afraid of anything. And in a way, that was true. She wasn't scared of 'normal people stuff like heights, spiders, or the ocean. No. She was scared of unconditional love, actually living, and - for some strange reason - not being able to see the stars.
She was a confusing little mess. She knew that hope was fatal, but held on to it anyway. She cried when she was angry, not when she was sad. She was bitter, but kind. Scared but brave. Smart but naive. Emotional but numb.
The word insane was one she usually took as a silly sort of compliment. Now it scared her.
Is she really losing her sanity? Well, dear reader, I guess you'll have to stay tuned to find out.
Truth to be told, she had thought them many times, but the thought had always been pushed to the back of her mind. Those words were usually meant to be used to offend someone. They were dirty words that came with their own stigmas and stereotypes. So why did she think that they all of the sudden applied to her now? Because her mind was more of mess than it had ever been.
She believed herself to be going insane; to be losing her mind. So what was the evidence upon which she was basing her claims?
There was the semi-normal things: Having full fledged conversations with the walls. Screaming into her pillows. Chewing her jaw until it was bloody. Then there were the more questionable things. Not speaking to anyone unless forcerd to or asked a direct question. Flinching away whenever someone tried to touch her. Hardly leaving the house. Not eating, sleeping, or drinking for days at a time. Last but not least, there were the things that scared her the most. Forgetting how to breathe. Crying without realizing it. How harming herself felt like a way to be in control of something.
People often joked that she had a death wish, but thetopic was most definitely up for debate. Sometimes she'd sit on the very edge of the cliff. Other times she would accidentally on purpose forget to look before crossing the street.
Maybe these so called signs were rubish, but it sure as hell felt like she was losing her mind.
If you were to ask, she would tell you that she wasn't afraid of anything. And in a way, that was true. She wasn't scared of 'normal people stuff like heights, spiders, or the ocean. No. She was scared of unconditional love, actually living, and - for some strange reason - not being able to see the stars.
She was a confusing little mess. She knew that hope was fatal, but held on to it anyway. She cried when she was angry, not when she was sad. She was bitter, but kind. Scared but brave. Smart but naive. Emotional but numb.
The word insane was one she usually took as a silly sort of compliment. Now it scared her.
Is she really losing her sanity? Well, dear reader, I guess you'll have to stay tuned to find out.